AN: And so here's this thing.

lucifer black: I'm not against it in a vacuum, but as far as execution goes, I don't like the idea of having to write something where a girl as young as Lola gets wailed on by her sisters and other assorted girls. I wasn't even going to use Lucy, truth be told, but I came up with that first meeting between her and Maggie and it was too amusing to not make it happen. Might make a decent omake, but outside that I'm not feeling too inclined towards getting Lola involved in a story like this.

Guest99: Maybe. It's certainly a route I could take with them.

Tombstone50: I like her well enough that I've written exactly one story where she's played a decent role. But Lincoln probably isn't going to GLC any time soon.

Skully13: Naw, she's probably fine.

Mr. Haziq: off the top of my head:

1. Lori

2. Leni

3. Luna

4. Sam

5. Luan

6. Lynn

7. Lucy

8. Maggie

9. Ronnie

10. Sid

11. Punguari

She suspects Becky is number 12. But obviously that's just Fiona being silly. Probably.

Dragonkeeper10: Lincoln willingly goes along with the insanity that is his love life, so you could probably make the argument that Fiona is the only one who might qualify for the club. And that's only if you ignore the fact that she willingly trashes the city on a regular basis for a paycheck.

Darkness Inc. was a legitimate, real company in almost every sense of the word. There was paperwork on file in the state of Michigan attesting to the fact that it had incorporated, and there was also paperwork showing that it had paid taxes. And there was somewhat more private paperwork located elsewhere cataloging the taxes it had not paid, which incredibly enough had nothing to do with the corporation's nefarious leanings. It had suppliers, it had distributors, it even had a burgeoning social media presence.

Where things became somewhat more philosophically complex, was that its corporate headquarters did not technically exist in the physical sense. There was a physical building located in Royal Woods with a facade which displayed the corporation's title and iconography, but entering its doorway did not take one into the interior of the physical space, because the doorway itself was occupied by an inter-dimensional portal leading to a pocket dimension that was several planes of existence removed from the building masquerading as its headquarters. But assuming one could procure the proper credentials for entry, they would find themselves in a rather ordinary-looking and functioning corporate environment. Admittedly, that it was mostly staffed by small, insectoid creatures seemingly made of living shadow would suggest otherwise, but the workings of the office were quite ordinary, with paperwork being filed, regulations being observed, and birthday cards and cakes regularly making the rounds for the benefit of their grateful recipients. As far as corporations went, it was a fairly productive one.

That productivity somewhat lessened the further one ventured into the compound and vanished in its entirety at the center, where a single, large office stood alone and was generally given a wide berth by the compound's inhabitants—

"DAMMIT!"

—for extremely good reasons.

Within the office, seated at a large and extremely ornate desk, was a being that, were he encountered by a normal person, that person would afterwords swear that he was definitely human. They would then immediately find themselves puzzled by their own phrasing.

It was a natural response of the human brain, when encountering something profoundly and unequivocally otherworldly to emphatically pretend it was not, to the point of self-delusion. That's why to humans, the being in question looked exactly human enough that they didn't need to inquire as to what else it could possibly be. They were man-shaped, their "face" region formed in such a way as to suggest the existence of facial features, and usually sharply dressed in a well-tailored suit and tie. These qualities were sufficient to prevent casual observation from piercing the veil of delusion that the being casually emitted, and bearing witness to the unfathomable horror and cunning intellect that lay beneath that unassuming visage.

"And I'm bust again," Said the being known as Darkness (sometimes Mr. Darkness), dropping the phone that was clutched between his hands as he let out a sigh that caused the surrounding area to rapidly flicker in and out of existence for several lengthy moments before it managed to stabilize again.

"QT," he said, turning to his companion. "Disperse another block of funds from the corporate accounts to my personal account. The same amount as before should do it."

The being standing to his side, which appeared to be an extremely attractive woman in a low-cut, yellow mini-dress let out a surprisingly human-sounding sigh of her own, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"That's what you said the last five times you've given me that order today...sir," QT Prime replied, that last bit only being added after a lengthy pause.

"And I've meant it every single time."

"Those are our operating funds, Mr. Darkness," She said, her voice sounding strained from the efforts of keeping her tone level. "They're supposed to be used to keep the corporation going. Not to bankroll your...diversion."

"I've already explained this to you," Said Darkness, as he held up his phone so she could use it. "There are a finite number of times I need to make the expenditure to get what I need, and it is entirely within the realm of possibility that I'll get it before I get anywhere near that number."

"And...hypothetically speaking," His beleaguered assistant replied wearily. "How many more disbursements would it take to reach that finite limit. So you can get a...a coat, was it?"

"I'm almost in the neighborhood of being close to practically being halfway there," Darkness said. "So...fifty, give or take."

QT Prime's response was a soft groan and something that sounded vaguely like a sob.

"And it's a hat, thank you very much," He added, snorting in indignation. "I already have a coat, but I need the hat to activate the first level of its set bonus."

"Sir, " QT Prime pleaded. "Perhaps you could put down that game for now, and focus on our actual mission? It's been months since you've harvested any negative emotions from the humans."

"What are you talking about?" Darkness asked, incredulously. "We've had five major product roll outs in that time, and the dividends, both money-wise and energy-wise have been through the roof. Hell, we needed to buy up a few new law firms just to keep up with all the lawsuits we're getting served with. I haven't needed to send the girls out because all that human misery is practically walking itself through the front door."

"You know, maybe we should make one of these games," He added, gesturing at his phone. "If I had the capacity to care about how unfair this monetization scheme is, I'd probably be a wreck at this point. I bet it works great on humans."

QT Prime took in a deep intake of breath before slowly exhaling it, causing her prodigious chest to do things that humans likely would have found both captivating and fascinating.

"Be that as it may, sir," She said in slow, halting bursts, "We need to be actively harvesting that energy from the humans themselves. The residuals you're receiving from those aren't enough."

"'Fraid I'm going to have to disagree with you there. Just look at this."

Darkness reached underneath his desk and withdrew a large thermos, which he then deposited onto the desk. The loud thud that resulted, as well as the tremors that shook the desk as he placed it down, suggested that it weighed quite a lot.

"What...is that, sir?"

"My lunch," Said Darkness as he began unscrewing the cap. "Among other things…"

As he removed the thermos, the room grew noticeably dimmer. Flipping the cap around, he began to pour from thermos into it, and what came out was a thick, inky, black sludge, which seemed to writhe, almost as if it was alive, as it slowly began to fill the cap.

"That is pure, undiluted negative energy," He explained, placing the thermos back on the desk and idly swirling the substance around in the now filled cap. "It's the good stuff, I filled it up myself from my private supply. Normally I snack on it a bit early in the day, trying to stretch it as much as I can before my appetite takes over and I start big-gulping the stuff towards the end of the day. Know how much I've had today?"

"Uh...—"

"Practically nothing." To demonstrate, he poured the substance back into the thermos, and held it out to his assistant, showing that it was almost completely full.

"And this isn't a new development." He continued. "I've...literally never said this before, never once in the many eons that I've existed, but...amazingly enough, I'm stuffed."

"You're stuffed?" The QT deadpanned.

"Not completely," Darkness clarified. "I still get hungry, but humans are so fascinatingly susceptible to misery. Hell, they'll do it to themselves if I let them. But since I've gotten here it's been like a never-ending buffet, I've absolutely gorged myself on the torrents of energy they've put out at the slightest provocation. And at some point, I just...stopped hungering the way I used to. Our products bring in so much more energy than I can consume, so I've just been stockpiling it. I'm thinking of putting in a wine cellar or something."

"Incidentally, that's why I've been finding new ways to...divert myself," He added, waggling his phone for emphasis. "R&D and Marketing are basically running themselves at this point. And since I haven't had to come up with any new schemes in a loooooong time, that's given me time to try other things. Like, I heard about this thing called—"

"That's not acceptable."

"—tabletop…" Darkness trailed off, his face twitching in a manner which suggested he was blinking in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"That's NOT ACCEPTABLE, SIR!" QT Prime snarled, slamming one hand on the desk, causing a loud CRACK to echo throughout the room.

"...Huh," Darkness said, as he considered the deceptively dainty hand print that was now embedded in the surface of his desktop. "Strange, since I seem to recall that I set up this corporation to feed my seemingly endless hunger, and by all appearances I seem to have accomplished that. But, okay, I'll bite. Why?"

"Because it's not about you, sir!" The QT seethed, one eye twitching in irritation.

"...I kind of feel like it is—"

"You made me, sir," QT Prime continued. "You made me with a very specific purpose in mind. To facilitate the operations of this corporation. That is my reason for existing!"

"...Okay?"

"This corporation was not made to simply satiate your needs, sir," QT Prime spat at the eldritch being. "Per our mission statement, the goal of this corporation is the destruction of mankind itself! If we aren't pursuing that goal, then I'm not fulfilling my purpose. And if I'm not fulfilling my purpose…"

She lowered her face until it was directly in front of Darkness.

"Then...I...am...without...purpose!" She hissed.

"I...see…," Darkness replied. "I must have been pretty hangry when I wrote that. And these feelings you're having are...concerning? Think that was the word Fiona used at the last HR meeting. Primarily because, strictly speaking, you shouldn't be having feelings at all…

"...On the other hand," He continued, stroking his chin. "It also sounds like if I just give in, you'll stop bothering me about this."

"For the moment, yes," said the QT through gritted teeth.

"Well, that sounds like the easiest way to resolve this, so let's do that."

Darkness clapped his hands twice, and a wall-mounted screen lit up, displaying a diagram of the company's corporate structure.

"Well, we still only have the two...oh wait, three agents. Right? It's three now?"

"Yes sir," QT Prime replied. "You hired that new girl, Taylor. Though my records show that she hasn't been very active."

"Yeah...that's on me," Darkness chortled. "She bungled that first outing of hers so badly that I had her spend some time in the new simulator I installed. Give her a chance to practice not being such a colossal screw-up."

"How much time?" QT Prime asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I set her free a couple of days ago when HR reminded me about her. Apparently we got a call from her mom, something about her being worried about where her daughter was. Pretty sure she's fine…

"P-planes," Taylor muttered to herself, her unnaturally wide, sunken eyes frantically scanning her surroundings as she slowly made her way through the hallways of Royal Woods Middle School. "S-so...many...p-planes…"

"Buuuuuut just to be on the safe side, maybe I'll go with one of our more reliable agents."

He spent a moment in quiet contemplation. "Or possibly Fiona."

Darkness picked up his phone and began typing on it.

"It might be beneficial if we recruited at least a few more agents, sir," said QT Prime. "So as to avoid future operations being impacted by...defective personnel."

"Is that another thing you'll bother me about if I don't agree to it right now?"

"Possibly."

"Then sure, go nuts." He replied, giving his phone one last dramatic poke. "There, I sent out a text. Now back to getting that hat..."