Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"Well, shall Wi begin?" X Wizard asked, a magic glyph forming on its hand, causing five glowing magic circles to form on the ground and transform into five doors with different symbols on them, to the astonishment of the alchemists, Ace, Tsumuri, and the Chemified DGP Riders.
"Behind the doors," X Wizard said. "You will find the Level Number 10 Chemies. Capture them all, and victory is yours! And I'll undo my Chemification spell."
The transmogrified Michinaga, Keiwa, and Neon were understandably all very interested in this.
"Chemy Law, "A Level Number 10 cannot be subjugated." Basically, they're all super strong! Wi-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" X Wizard laughed.
"This is gonna be a super awesome gotcha!" Hotaro exclaimed eagerly.
"Wait, hold on, if a Level Number 10 Chemy can't be subjugated, how are we supposed to capture them?" A confused Keiwa asked.
"You can't!" X Wizard, who'd been starting to teleport away, explained.
"… Then how are we supposed to win the game?" Neon asked anxiously.
"You can't!" Wizard repeated.
"So… You're saying right from the start that this is a completely rigged game we have no choice of winning?" Tsumuri asked with a frown.
"Yes!" X Wizard exclaimed.
"Then… Why should we even bother playing?" Neon inquired.
X Wizard paused. "Well, because…um…"
"Because it will be fun!" Hotaro exclaimed.
"We aren't interested in fun; we want to become human again!" Keiwa shouted.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"Oh relax, this is hardly the first time we've been forced into a rigged game," Michinaga snorted. "We all know that Geats will cheat his way to victory as usual, then we'll all turn back to normal and beat the shit out of this crummy birthday magician-"
"Hey!" X Wizard protested.
"And then we'll all go home and pretend this never happened," Michinaga said flatly.
"I've already taken several pictures for blackmail purposes," Ace told him.
Michinaga swore loudly. Rinne gasped and covered Hotaro's innocent ears, while Renge did the same to Sabimaru, to his confusion.
"Oh yeah, good point," Keiwa admitted.
"Yeah, that's basically what will happen," Neon agreed. "Just leave it to Ace!"
"As you wish," Ace said with a mocking bow.
"But wait, you can't cheat! When you cheat in a game, you're ruining it for everyone, including yourself," Hotaro whined.
Ace stared at him blankly, then at the other alchemists. "Is he for real?"
"Unfortunately," said Isaac.
"Isn't he dreamy?" Rinne swooned.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"There's no way he can cheat anyway, only alchemists like us can capture those Chemies," Renge bragged.
"You're going to capture Chemies that are apparently literally uncatchable?" Keiwa asked skeptically. "How?"
"By befriending them!" Hotaro declared.
The DGP Riders were not impressed. "Yeah, I'll just wait for Ace to figure something out," Neon decided.
"Yeah, this isn't Pokémon!" Michinaga agreed, only to hesitate and examine himself and his colleagues again. "Wait… Is it…?"
"In that case, you shall all have to work together," Tsumuri said sharply. "Our teams will be Mr. Ichinose Hotaro and Tycoon Chemy a.k.a. Mr. Sakurai Keiwa!"
"Pon," Keiwa said randomly.
"Mr. Kurogane Spanner and Buffa Chemy a.k.a. Mr. Azuma Michinaga!"
"Moo," Michinaga said sullenly.
"Ms. Icho Renge and Na-Go Chemy a.k.a. Ms. Kurama Neon!"
"Meow!" Neon purred.
"Wait, what about Sabi?" Asked a confused Renge.
"Yes, what about him?" Isaac asked.
"Hey yeah, they're always together!" Hotaro realized. "Almost like they're those two side characters in a show who don't really contribute much to the plot and largely exist to provide exposition or react to what's going on to let the audience know it's a big deal."
"What? We're way more than that!" Renge protested. "Right, Sabi?"
Sabimaru fidgeted awkwardly and did not respond.
"… Right?"
"If the two of you were partnered together along with Na-Go, there would not be enough teams for everyone to go after a Chemy," Tsumuri pointed out. "As such, I shall company Mr. Tsuruhara Sabimaru to protect him, seeing as how he is probably the least physically capable of all the alchemists here."
Spanner scoffed. "What a ridiculous joke. And what makes you think you'll be of any use to him? You're not an alchemist or a Kamen Rider!"
"I'm a Goddess of Creation," Tsumuri said plainly. "And I am, in fact, a Kamen Rider."
"What? Since when?" Keiwa asked in surprise.
"It's a recent development. And lastly, we have Ms. Kudo Rinne and…" Tsumuri trailed off, staring, along with everyone else, at the adorable kitsune Chemy standing beside Rinne and Ace.
"Kon!" The Chemy barked.
Hotaro blinked. "Huh? It's a Chemy. Where did it come from? Wait… You're kind of familiar…"
"It very much resembles-" Tsumuri started to say, only for Hotaro to yell, "It's Ninetail!"
"What? That's not Ninetales, Ninetales is much bigger and golden!" Michinaga protested.
"He isn't referring to Ninetales the Pokémon but Ninetail the Chemy, a Level 9 Occult Chemy," Isaac explained.
"Oh," Michinaga said. "Well, that's just confusing."
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"He's right though, that can't be Ninetail," Rinne pointed out. "The colors are wrong, and it's too small."
"Oh, that's because it's the ghost of my childhood dog Constantine whose spirit has been following me and was turned into a Chemy because it tried to protect me from the spell that turned everyone else into Chemies earlier," Ace said.
Everyone stared at him, incredulous. "How the heck did you figure that out?!" Renge demanded.
Ace shrugged nonchalantly and petted the Fox Chemy between the ears, causing it to bark happily. "Seemed obvious, really."
"Well, that does explain why it looks like Geats," Tsumuri agreed. "In that case, our last team will be Ms. Kudo Rinne, Mr. Ukiyo Ace, and Geats Chemy-"
"Constantine," Ace corrected her.
"Constantine," Tsumuri agreed.
"Kon!" Constantine barked.
Rinne knelt next to the adorable fox. "Would you like to get in this card for now?" She offered, holding out her Chemy Riser.
She suddenly found the Geats Buster QB9 pointed at her throat. "The Fox stays put," Ace told her.
"I was just-" she protested.
"The Fox. Stays. Put," he said coldly.
"… Does that mean we shouldn't capture the others or…?" Renge asked hesitantly.
CHEMY CAPTURE!
"They're Chemies, of course we should capture them," Spanner, who had just forcibly carded the alarmed Michinaga, started to say right before Ace threw the Geats Buster QB9 at his head.
"Who does that Ace guy think he is, talking about cheating? What a Chad!" Hotaro was still complaining several minutes later, he and Keiwa having stepped through the door labeled with the Plant Chemy insignia and found themselves in what looked like the city but was strangely empty. "Well, I'm gonna show him that cheating is wrong by getting the Level Number 10 Plant Chemy before he finds his! That'll teach him cheating is bad! It'll be my best gotcha ever!"
"Ichinose, I can't emphasize enough how much of a bad idea this is," Keiwa said wearily from his spot on Hotaro's shoulder. "You can't beat Ace. Ever. It's just not possible. You should give up now before you let that kind of desire turn into an obsession and drive you insane, like it did Michinaga."
"The bull? He doesn't seem that bad, he kind of reminds me of Spanner," Hotaro remarked.
Keiwa sweatdropped. "You have no idea how concerning that sounds. Trust me, he was a lot worse once. He even killed me once!"
Hotaro gasped. "What?!"
"I got better."
"Oh," Hotaro relaxed.
"He also killed my sister!"
Hotaro gasped. "What?!"
"She also got better."
"Oh," Hotaro relaxed.
"Then I allowed myself to be consumed with grief and rage, betrayed everyone, got my sister back only to lose her again, joined a gang, blamed everything wrong with the world on Ace and his mom, and tried to kill him."
Hotaro stared blankly.
"I got better. As did my sister."
"Oh! That's okay then," Hotaro said cheerfully. "But I'm still going to beat him, because cheaters never prosper, and if you don't win a game fairly you aren't playing it right!"
"Ichinose, this is a game with ridiculously high stakes. I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a tanuki," Keiwa said flatly. "If getting back to normal means cheating, I am completely okay with it. It would hardly be the first time we've won a game by bending or even breaking the rules."
"Well clearly you weren't doing it right," Hotaro insisted.
"The Jyamato would've eaten you in the first round of the old DGP," Keiwa muttered.
"Huh?"
"I'm just saying that it is a really bad idea to try and beat Ace," Keiwa emphasized. "He cannot lose. And whenever he does lose it turns out that, in fact, he's actually won due to setting up a plan or contingency months, if not years, or even centuries in advance. He's playing tenth dimensional chess while the rest of us are still learning how to play shogi."
"Joke's on him, I have no idea how to play chess!" Hotaro bragged. "I can never remember which way the horsey piece moves."
"… I'm going to be a tanuki for the rest of my life," a horrified Keiwa realized.
"Now, where is that Chemy?" Hotaro wondered. "We looked everywhere!"
"Did you check behind that giant tree with an X on its face?" Keiwa deadpanned.
"Yes, and there was nothing back there!" Hotaro complained.
"… Hotaro, did you consider that perhaps the tree is the Chemy?" Keiwa suggested in exasperation.
Hotaro gave him a dumbfounded look and then glanced up at the giant tree towering over all the buildings visible from anywhere in the city.
"XEEEEG…DRAAAA…SIIIIIIL."
Hotaro blinked. "You know what, Mr. Tanuki, you might just have something there! Hey, Xeggdrasil! Would you like to be friends?"
"XEGG!"
The X on the tree's face glowed. Rather abruptly, gravity inverted, and the two of them fell screaming into the sky.
Michinaga was still snickering at the black eye and big, swelling bruises Spanner had received from getting a godly weapon thrown at his head when they passed through the door marked with the Animal Chemy insignia and found themselves in an underground tunnel full of pipes and walkways that felt oddly familiar, as if he'd been here several dozen times before. Wait, wasn't this part of the abandoned mansion he'd squatted in during the JGP thing? "I have no plans to team up with you," the younger man snarled at the smaller purple bull. "Chemies are tools."
"I'm not a Chemy," Michinaga retorted.
Spanner gave him a skeptical look.
"Okay, I'm not usually a Chemy. I'm a human like you," Michinaga insisted.
Spanner snorted diffidently. "Yes, but right now you're a Chemy, which means you're nothing but a tool. You only exist to be used by superior alchemists like me, and hidden away from the greedy, undeserving and uncomprehending hands of regular folks so they can go about their lives, innocence preserved, with no idea of the true realities of the world they live in."
Michinaga froze at that. "You… Hide… How… How do you keep regular people from finding out about Chemies?"
"We erase their memories, of course," Spanner said dismissively. "It's for their own good."
Michinaga started trembling with an old, familiar rage. "You… You go around, using living beings as tools… And erase people's memories to get away with it?"
Spanner rolled his eyes. "That is a far too simplistic oversimplification, but I wouldn't expect a bull-headed Chemy like yourself to understand."
"Oh," Michinaga said coldly. "I'll bet you wouldn't-"
There was a light up ahead, and growling.
"… Something's here," Michinaga said.
A massive, glowing white lion with a blue face crackling with electricity walked into view. "LiiiXiiiooonnn!"
"Holy shit, is that a Luxray?!" An incredulous Michinaga cried.
Spanner scoffed. "What a ridiculous joke. That's Animal category Level Number 10, LiXion! A lion Chemy that discharges electricity from its mane!"
"The fuck you say? That's a Geatsdamn electric lion! It's a Luxray!" Michinaga protested.
Ignoring Michinaga, Spanner took out the Valvarusher.
CLINK!
"As a Super A-Ranked Alchemist, you're no match for me!" Spanner declared, inserting a card.
MAD WHEEL! CLANK!
"Ironize!"
VALVARUSH! TUNE UP! MAD WHEEL!
The transformed Valvarad started firing energy bullets from his blade at LiXion, who roared and deflected the blast with electricity, zapping Spanner with several very powerful bolts. "Xiooon! Liii…Xiooon!"
"This electricity is nothing…!" Spanner snarled, trying to block the bolts with his Valvarusher.
"Ooon!" LiXion bellowed, proving him incorrect by striking him with an even more powerful lightning blast which flung him back, sparks flying all around as he collapsed to his knees, smoking and gasping.
"What are you doing?!" Michinaga demanded. "NiGHTS into Dreams said that Level Number 10 Chemies can't be subjugated! What do you think fighting is going to do? Especially since you're obviously a Steel-type so an Electric-type like that has a clear advantage over you!"
"What other option is there? Try to befriend it like Ichinose?!" Valvarad snarled, staggered to his feet. "What a ridiculous joke! Chemies exist for our benefit! I will fight it until it is forced to acknowledge my strength and yield to me!"
"… No. You won't," Michinaga said coldly as his body began to glow and transform.
ZOMBIE! HIT! FEVER ZOMBIE!
"Wha-"
Valvarad cried out as Buffa Fever Zombie Form Jyameity struck him with his Zombie Breaker, sparks flying as the chainsaw sword cut into his metallized body.
POISON CHARGE! TACTICAL BREAK!
"What… What are you doing?!" Valvarad demanded.
Buffa grabbed him with his Berserclaw and pulled him close, thrusting the Zombie Breaker between them and causing Valvarad to cry out in agony as the chainsaw blade cut into his armor again. "You," Buffa snarled. "Are exactly the kind of person I hate most. Someone who thinks they can use the lives of others however they wish, who can do whatever they want with the world because they're powerful and can cover everything up by screwing with people's memories… It's because of people like you that the DGP ever existed in the first place and caused so much suffering! And the way you treat Chemies… You're like Shinji!"
Buffa briefly glanced away from Valvarad. "Or, as he is known in English-speaking countries, Paul."
"What are you… Talking about…?!" Valvarad gasped.
"But worst of all," Buffa growled, flinging Valvarad away. "You remind me of myself, how I used to be. I'm not going to let you become another me. Which is why I've taken this form. While I might have a severe type disadvantage because I'm Ghost/Poison-"
"What does that even mean-"
"My special ability in this form means I have the power to crush all Kamen Riders!" Buffa bragged, slinging the Zombie Breaker over one shoulder.
"But I'm not a Kamen Rider!" Valvarad protested. "I'm a Kamen Warrior!"
Buffa stared. "A what now."
"A Kamen Warrior! Which is totally different!" Valvarad insisted.
"That sounds stupid and made up," Buffa said bluntly. "Also, I don't care and I'm going to hurt you now."
"Xion?" A confused LiXion growled, befuddled as the two purple warriors completely ignored it and started fighting each other.
"I'm done!" The sobbing Neon wailed, covered in seaweed and lying on the shore after her disastrous attempt to catch EXceed Fighter in a net made of music had failed.
"There you are!" Renge exclaimed as she rushed over. "Are you okay?" she asked, picking up the crying kitty.
"No, I'm not!" Neon wailed.
"Buck up, Kitty!" Renge said reassuringly.
"I have a name, okay?" Neon sniffled. "It's Neon! I want to turn back already! Gosh, what are Chemies even?!"
Renge frowned. "Well, Sabi could probably explain it better, but they're artificial life forms made from alchemy! Just fancy monsters, basically."
Neon went very still. "Artificial… Life…?"
Renge nodded. "Yeah, when alchemists do experiments, there's a 1 in a million chance the technique will last, causing inanimate objects to become living things and becoming Chemies."
"And… What… What exactly do you all do with Chemies?" Neon asked hesitantly.
Renge frowned. "Do? Well, we study them, I guess. See if we can find ways to use their powers for the good of the world. Otherwise they stay in cards where they won't cause anyone any harm."
"In… Cards…?" Neon asked slowly.
Renge nodded. "Yeah, Treasure Boy believes that humans and Chemies can live together in harmony, but honestly, I'm not entirely sure how that would even work? Chemies are unnatural creatures that shouldn't even exist whose very existence defies the natural order, which is why when they come in contact with human malice they get corrupted and turn people into Malgams, which causes a lot of trouble and we alchemists have to go in and clean it up, then erase everyone's memories-"
"You erase people's memories?!" Neon demanded.
"Yeah, but it's for their own good, probably," Renge said vaguely. "And it's kind of funny how many times we keep having to erase that one Kajiki guy's memories, and the Association says repeated memory erasure doesn't cause brain damage so it's perfectly harmless. Anyway, I guess I do hope Treasure Boy can figure out a way to do it because I've got all sorts of ideas for how I can use Chemies to make a profit-"
She was cut off when a shrieking Neon lunged at her and tried to claw her eyes out.
"So, Mr. Tsuruhara, do you have any insight on which Level Number 10 Chemy we will encounter?" Tsurumi asked Sabimaru as they wandered through a forest.
"Well, the door we passed through had the insignia for Insect Chemies, which can only mean it's BeetlX," Isaac stated.
Tsurumi nodded. "I see. How would you recommend we go about catching it? My research indicates you are the most learned of your colleagues where it comes to Chemy lore."
"Well, Chemy Law states that Level Number 10 Chemies cannot be subjugated, so we'll have to earn its trust somehow," Isaac reasoned. "Ichinose was able to obtain UFO-X and Rex-X by befriending them. I suspect this would be much easier if it were Hotaro here instead of I, because he not only has experience in befriending Chemies of all levels, including Level Number 10s, but he has an especially close rapport with the Level Number 1 Insect Chemy, Hopper1, which might make BeetlX more willing to hear him out."
"Well, what Chemies do you possess?" Tsumuri asked.
"… None," Isaac admitted.
Tsumuri stared at him. "You are an alchemist tasked with collecting and utilizing Chemies but have none of your own."
"… Yeah," Sabimaru muttered softly.
"I see," Tsumuri said, making her displeasure clear in a single syllable.
"Look, there's BeetlX!" Isaac said, desperate to change the subject.
Indeed, they had come across the Insect Chemy, a colossal red rhinoceros beetle with a big X on its horn. The giant bug, hearing them approach, turned and regarded them with its big yellow eyes.
Tsumuri nodded at Sabimaru to proceed. The quiet boy nervously cleared his throat and approached the Chemy. "Hello, BeetlX. I'm a friend of Ichinose Hotaro, a boy who wants to befriend every Chemy in the world? I don't know if you've heard of him, but his best friend is your fellow insect Chemy, Hopper1, who can vouch for him. I know he's not here to speak for himself, but I am his friend, and was wondering if you'd like to be my friend-"
"BeetlX! Beetl Beetl!" The Chemy shouted, spreading its wings and taking off. Sabimaru's cape got caught on one of its legs, dragging the young alchemy student screaming into the sky.
Tsumuri sighed in irritation. "Oh, bother."
She produced a Zillion Driver and snapped it on, pressing her thumb on the Stigma Metricser.
REGAD ALPHA! ACCESS!
"Henshin," she said, swiping a Desire Card with "I want to be a Kamen Rider" written on it through the Zillion Reader.
GENERATE! GODDESS OF CREATION! REGAD ALPHA!
Tsumuri was now clad in a black-and-white recolor of the Regad Omega suit, the multiple Titan Eyes on her suit swiveling and looking around with interest as the audience watching through them from the distant future, many of them members of her fan club, cheered and gushed about how cool and pretty she was and urged her to save Sabimaru. (Along with those who said she should let BeetlX eat him, or that she should totally go out with one or more of the Riders under her purview, or that she should go out with them, or tried to convince her to commission them for artwork. Even in the distant future, they still couldn't avoid spambots.)
"Congratulations, dear viewers. From this day forth, I am a Kamen Rider!" Regad Alpha declared, eliciting more excited cheering and a few requests to sit on their faces.
"That's… Artifact category Level Number 10, X Fortress," Rinne told Ace as they came across a massive heavily armed fortress with tank treads, cannons, and a face on the front. "The impenetrable castle Chemy."
"I've already taken down two Castle-shaped monsters, and both of those could fly," Ace commented as he held Constantine in his arms, seeming only vaguely interested, much to her astonishment. "Anyway, it looks pretty docile to me. Unlike the last two castle-shaped monsters I've fought."
"Fortressressressressress…"
"You shouldn't underestimate it," Rinne warned him. "After all, it's a Level Number 10 Chemy."
"And you shouldn't underestimate me," Ace replied, though he did regard the multiple cannons with caution. "As the alchemy expert of the two of us, how would you recommend we proceed?"
Rinne pointed her Chemy Riser at X Fortress and fired a beam at it.
CHEMY CAPTURE!
It had no effect.
"I can't seal it!" She lamented.
"Why would you be able to? Didn't X Wizard say that Level Number 10 Chemies can't be subjugated?" A confused Ace asked.
"I think that's not its main body," she said.
Ace considered this, then pulled out a Propeller Buckle. "Then it's time to siege that castle."
SET!
"Henshin!"
ARMED PROPELLER!
"Let's go," Geats Armed Propeller said, grabbing Rinne and Constantine and taking flight, to the dismay of the former and the elation of the latter.
READY… FIGHT!
Several minutes, dozens of traps, and one Ramen break later, the two of them reached the throne room at the center of the fortress. "So where's X Fortress's main body?" Ace asked, glancing around the opulent chamber.
Suddenly, Constantine barked a warning and tackled Ace. "KON!"
"FORTRESS!"
An explosion erupted where Ace had just been standing.
"What…?" Ace asked in bewilderment, petting the fox's head and letting him know he was a very good boy.
Rinne glanced around and spotted a ridiculously tiny X Fortress trying to maneuver around the room.
"Fooortressss…!" It squeaked.
"It's tiny…" Rinne muttered in disbelief. She ran over to the miniature fortress and pointed her Chemy Riser at it.
CHEMY CAPTURE!
Again, she fired a beam at the fortress. Again, nothing happened.
"I don't understand, why is it still not working?" Rinne protested.
"Again, didn't X Wizard say that Level Number 10 Chemies can't be subjugated?" Ace reminded her after making sure Constantine hadn't been hurt.
"Well, yes, but I didn't really have any other ideas," Rinne admitted. "Ichinose would try to befriend it, but I have no idea where to even start."
Ace considered this. "If Level Number 10 Chemies can't be subjugated, how were they originally carded in the first place?"
"I… Don't know," Rinne confessed.
"And how were they created?"
"I don't know that either," Rinne said, feeling more than a little flustered. Why had she never thought to ask any of these things before?
If Ace was disappointed or amused by her lack of knowledge, he didn't show it. "Well, fortunately, I think I have a better idea."
He walked over to X Fortress, picked it up, turned it upside down, and pointed it away from him.
"Fortress!" It complained, treads revving uselessly as it tried and failed to aim its cannons at the human holding it in such an undignified manner.
"Guess X Fortress is 'Gotcha,'" Ace said smugly. "…I used that word correctly, right?"
Rinne couldn't help bursting into laughter. Constantine barked happily.
"Wi-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" X Wizard cackled as the five teams returned, most of them looking disheveled and downcast. "What's this? You came back empty-handed? How utterly unexpected, by which I mean completely expected!" It paused, glancing at Ace. "Well. Most of you. I hadn't expected you to literally bring X Fortress back in your hands. Kind of forgot it's actually such a little Chemy…"
Hotaro's jaw dropped. "No way! You got a Chemy?!"
Ace shrugged. "Well yeah. It's not like it was hard."
As Hotaro spluttered in disbelief, Keiwa sighed and shook his head. "I told you. You can't beat Ace."
"Wait, you mean you didn't get a Chemy, Ichinose?" Rinne asked in disbelief. "I was sure you would have!"
"Yeah, seriously," Renge, her face covered in bleeding scratches, agreed. "We were sure that if anyone would succeed, it was you."
"I tried! I tried really hard!" Hotaro whined. "But Xeggdrasil didn't want to be friends, and it kept reversing gravity, and dropped giant fruit on my head."
"Trust me when I say that there are way worse trees you can deal with," Keiwa said, trying to get leaves out of his fur. "At least this one didn't have any Jyamato. Or deranged clowns from the future splitting the world in fourths."
"Were any of those fruits golden?" Ace asked.
"Huh? No, why?" Keiwa asked.
"If it did, that would mean we would be in even bigger trouble," Ace said gravely. "And that a certain other godly Kamen Rider made a huge mistake."
"Well, I totally would've gotten LiXion, if that Chemy hadn't attacked me for no reason!" Spanner, looking like he had been beaten to an inch of his life, yelled, angrily pointing at the smug Michinaga.
"Michinaga! Again? Really?!" Neon demanded.
"He deserved it! He was acting like the sort of Kamen Rider I hate-" Michinaga started.
"I'm a Kamen Warrior, not a Rider!" Spanner snapped.
"That sounds stupid and made up," Keiwa said skeptically.
"That's what I said!" Michinaga ranted. "He thinks these 'Chemies,' despite being artificial life forms, exist as nothing more than tools to be used by alchemists! And Geats… They brainwash people! So they can get away with doing whatever they want with Chemies, or people, and nobody can stop them!"
"What?!" An outraged Keiwa snapped.
Ace narrowed his eyes and glared at Rinne. "Is that true?"
Her eyes widened. "Uh…"
"Why do all act like that's a bad thing?! The cat tried to claw my eyes out for no reason!" Renge snapped.
"Because I'm an artificial life form!" Neon shrieked. "My father commissioned me because his original daughter died, and instead of learning how to deal with it he got a shiny new model whom he treated as nothing more than a tool for most of my life, and altered the memories of everyone, even my mother, to think that my older sister never existed!"
Renge's jaw dropped. "Oh shit. I… I didn't-"
"What? Didn't know? Why should that have mattered?!" Neon demanded, furious. "You people make intelligent, thinking, feeling creatures, then stuff them in cards and make them do what you want and trample all over the memories of everyone else so you can do as you please!"
"In our defense, if Chemies come in contact with people with malice they get absorbed and turned into Malgams," Isaac, his tablet cracked while Sabimaru had a traumatized look on his face, shredded clothes, and half his hair eaten, said. "And it's the law that regular people need to have their memories erased after coming into contact with Chemies. It's for their own good!"
Hotaro nodded. "Yeah! Like that old man who had no friends except for Wrestler G and was struggling to protect his gym from the mob! And the kid who had nobody in his life because of his abusive potentially homicidal dad except for Saboneedle until we took it from him. And the journalist and his daughter whose bond was falling apart until they met Rex-X. Or Kajiki, who constantly gets his memory erased, and only met his girlfriend because of Chemies, and they almost didn't get together after they forgot about what led to them meeting in the first place-"
"Ichinose, you're not helping," Rinne hissed, sweating from the intensity of Ace's increasingly cold glare.
"Tsumuri, has the DGP ever encountered these alchemists?" Ace asked, not taking his eyes off Rinne. Constantine was starting to snarl. "Or have I?"
"I am unaware, Ace. It is possible that we have, and they erased our memories of it, or the reverse happened," Tsumuri said, tapping on her tablet. "I've sent a request for the relevant information, hopefully we will have an answer soon."
"Wait, you can't possibly have records of the Association, we do a very good job of scrubbing our existence from all forms of digital media!" Rinne protested.
"I'm from the future. We have much more extensive records that cannot be so easily tampered with," Tsumuri said dismissively.
"Wait, you're from the future? All of you?!" Rinne asked in disbelief.
"No, just Tsumuri," Keiwa said.
"Actually, I was created several hundred years ago in ancient Japan following the death of my immediate predecessor Miiru," Tsumuri explained.
"Really? How did that happen?" Neon asked, surprised to hear this.
"She was fed to a Jyamato by Niram's immediate predecessor, who was outraged he had been fired by Suel," Tsumuri said plainly.
Everyone recoiled at this. "Geez, this guy was so bad even Suel couldn't stand him?" A disgusted Michinaga muttered.
Tsumuri nodded. "Yes. And his Kamen Rider form resembled Kamen Rider 1."
"Why?" A perplexed Keiwa asked.
Tsumuri shrugged.
"Hey, if you're from the future, does that mean you can tell me the winning lottery numbers?" Renge asked eagerly.
"No."
"Well, all that memory stuff doesn't matter, because once I create a world where humans and Chemies can coexist, everyone can be happy and be friends and no one will care that we erased their memories again and again and again!" Hotaro said confidently.
"No, we're still going to be very pissed about that," Keiwa said.
X Wizard, who had been growing increasingly confused and distressed as everyone kept talking and ignoring it, perked up at this. "You… You want humans and Chemies to live together?"
Hotaro nodded. "You see, I want to befriend all Chemies and make a future where everyone can live freely. That's my gotcha… My dream."
"Is that what a gotcha is?" A confused Neon asked.
"Honestly, none of us really know," Renge admitted.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"So… Come with me and aim for that Gotcha!" Hotaro declared.
"Wi-hee…Wi-hee-hee-hee-hee!" X Wizard laughed. "You sure are one peculiar human. But… That does sound kind of fun! How are you going to do it?"
"I have no idea!" Hotaro enthusiastically.
Everybody stared at him.
"What," said Keiwa.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"What… What do you mean, you have no idea?!" X Wizard demanded.
"I have no idea," Hotaro said cheerfully. "But I'm sure that once I'm a big shot alchemist, I'll fix everything!"
Silence filled the room. Constantine shook his head in disappointment.
"Oh, my Geats, he's just like Keiwa used to be with his world peace thing," Neon realized.
"Hey!"
"Well, thanks for getting my hopes up for nothing," X Wizard said with a pout. "Just for that, not only am I not going to be friends with you, but I'm also not changing your friends back either!"
"Awww," Hotaro whined.
"WHAT?!" Keiwa, Michinaga, and Neon shouted.
"Do I need to beat up another little bitch?!" Michinaga bellowed, causing Spanner to flinch and whimper pathetically.
"No need, I can fix this myself," Ace said casually.
"NANI?!" His friends and the alchemists and X Wizard shouted.
"Kon!" Constantine barked.
"Tsumuri?" Ace asked.
Tsumuri produced a Desire Card and Quill and knelt to extend them to the Chemified trio. "One of you please write your wish on this card, please."
The three of them stared at the card, then at Ace. "Oh you son of a-" Michinaga started to swear.
"Don't talk about my mom," Ace interjected sternly.
"You… You could've turned us back the whole time?!" Keiwa shouted.
Ace raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. Obviously. This really shouldn't come as a shock to you. This is hardly the toughest wish I've ever granted."
"Then… Then why didn't you do it earlier?!" Neon shrieked.
"Because I figured if I played along, I would get a better understanding of what was going on and who was behind this," Ace explained. "Also, all of you are utterly adorable like this."
The three Chemies exchanged glances. "… Well shit, he's got us there," Michinaga admitted grudgingly.
"I'm always adorable, but I miss having opposable thumbs, I want them back," Neon complained, grabbing the Quill in her mouth and, with some effort, managing to scribble something down.
Tsumuri handed the card to Ace, who stared at the utterly illegible scribble on it and shrugged. "Good enough."
His hair turned white, and he snapped his fingers, causing church bells to ring as nine pillars of light erupted behind him. There was a brilliant, blinding flash of light which engulfed everything…
And when the light faded, Keiwa, Michinaga, and Neon were all returned to their human forms.
"Oh, finally," Keiwa said in relief as the alchemists and X Wizard gawked at them. "I was starting to forget what it felt like to have bare skin."
Michinaga patted the sides of his head, looking vaguely disappointed. "I hadn't realized I'd miss having horns so much."
Neon stretched, letting out an involuntary meow. "Okay, back to normal… Which means I can finally do the thing that's been bugging me for hours!"
She grabbed Constantine and started petting him and stroking his fur and rubbing her face into his. "Who's a good boy? Who's a precious little fox? You are! You are!"
"Kon!"
"What… How did you do that?!" A shocked Rinne demanded. "I thought you weren't an alchemist!"
"I'm not," Ace said. "I'm a God of Creation, and like all gods, I can answer the prayers of my believers by destroying the entire world and remaking it in an instant to meet their request."
"… You just destroyed the entire world?!" Sabimaru shouted, so shocked he used his actual voice. It was still only barely audible.
"And remade it," Ace reminded him.
"Don't worry, you get used to it after a while," Keiwa assured Sabimaru, which left him only more horrified.
Michinaga added. "I've come to enjoy the sensation, actually."
"And I got over the existential terror that I might not be the 'real' Neon but just a clone with her memories dozens of resets ago," Neon said cheerfully. "I mean, I was already an artificial human in the first place, so what's being destroyed and recreated a few hundred more times?"
The alchemists stared at the DGP veterans in horror.
"Wait… You can grant wishes… Does that mean you can make a world where humans and Chemies can live together, and I can have friends?!" X Wizard demanded.
Ace shrugged. "I don't see why not."
"Give me one of those cards then, I'm converting to your religion immediately!" X Wizard declared.
"What? But creating a world where humans and Chemies can live together is my gotcha! You can't have it!" Hotaro protested.
"Ichinose, isn't it more important that your dream happens at all rather than who does it?" Keiwa asked.
"No, because Ace is a cheater, and I don't trust him!" Hotaro huffed.
"Well, I am a fox," Ace said shamelessly. "However, this feels like a pretty big wish to grant, so it's going to take a little more than you writing your desire on a card and handing it to me or leaving something at my shrine. Tsumuri?"
"I will contact Ziin right away to see about scheduling a special session of the DGP," Tsumuri replied, already tapping on her tablet. "Now, I am assuming that your three regulars will have the same wish in this instance…"
"You assume correctly," Neon said, glancing at the other two men, who both nodded.
"That's rather unorthodox, but if we play it off as being for a charitable cause the audience should have no problem with it, especially since most of the people in the future are also artificial lifeforms and should be able to sympathize with the plight of the Chemies," Tsumuri commented. She glanced up. "Unfortunately, I don't think we can start the new season right away due to scheduling conflicts, but I believe we can begin in a few months?"
Ace shrugged. "Better late than never, I suppose. You want in on this too, Ichinose?"
Hotaro crossed his arms and shook his head. "Nuh-uh! You're just going to cheat and the game is probably rigged anyway so what's the point?"
"Ichinose, you seemed to have no problem playing X Wizard's rigged game before," Keiwa pointed out.
"And in this case, wouldn't it being rigged be a good thing because it leads to the world you want to create?" Rinne added.
"No, because it should be done honestly, or not at all," Hotaro said firmly.
Ace shrugged. "Your loss."
X Wizard started applauding eagerly. "This is great! Soon I can play with humans all I want, and Chemies will no longer have to worry about being stuck into cards and forced to do what alchemists want or be transformed into Malgams!"
"Wait, hang on-" Renge protested.
"Don't be fooled, now!"
"Wi?"
X Wizard turned around to see a man in a dark suit and black cape approaching them.
Ace smirked. "Seems like we've got a villain, after all."
Hotaro gasped. "Of course, the man behind it all… Is someone we've never seen before!"
"Ichinose, that's Inspector Kugimiya," Rinne said in exasperation.
"What? No, she was a woman, and turned into a spider, and got killed by the Abyssalis Sisters, remember?" Hotaro said.
"No, that was Inspector Harima," Isaac corrected him. "This is Kugimiya, the other inspector. The one we initially thought was the traitor, but it turned out it was Harima instead."
"Though… It looks like we might've been right the first time," Renge admitted.
Hotaro blinked. "Wait, so both inspectors from the Association were evil? How did they miss something like that? That seems like something they should've noticed."
"Yes, it should have," Spanner grudgingly agreed with narrowed eyes. "Why are you here?"
"Kugimiya… I was wrong!" X Wizard said to the inspector.
Kugimiya shook his head as he approached, causing Constantine to start barking angrily. "No, you are not wrong. After all… You helped me further my plans."
"Wi…?"
As he polished his ring with a little brush, Kugimiya chuckled. "We finally meet again, Ukiyo Ace. I'm sure you didn't expect to see me again, did you?" He grinned. "Oh, how you must have been dreading this day, our inevitable reunion!"
Ace stared at him blankly. "… I have no idea who you are."
Kugimiya started, nearly dropping his brush. "What?!"
Ace glanced at his friends and Tsumuri. "Do any of you remember this guy?"
They all shook their heads and gave him the negative.
Ace turned back around and gave Kugimiya an apologetic shrug. "Sorry, but I have no idea who you are and what you're talking about. Why would an alchemist have a grudge with me?"
"Wait… Do you not remember me?!" Kugimiya demanded incredulously.
"I thought I'd made that pretty clear, yes," Ace said.
"I've lived for all these years just to get revenge on you!" Kugimiya snapped angrily. "Ever since 2000 years ago… I've never once forgotten my hatred for you!"
"He's over 2000 years old?!" Keiwa exclaimed.
"Wow, and here I thought he was in his sixties, shows what I know," Hotaro said.
"Wait, is this something alchemy can do? Make people live longer?!" Renge asked eagerly. "I can make myself young and beautiful forever… And make so much money selling it to other people!"
"That's incredibly illegal," Isaac told her.
She scowled.
"Wait, how can he be angry at Ace for something that happened 2000 years ago? He's not that old," Rinne protested.
"No, I am," Ace said.
She did a double take. "What?"
"I'm immortal," Ace told her.
Her eyes widened. "That's…!" Rinne paused, considering this for a minute. "Oh, wait, you said you're a God… That makes sense."
"No, I was immortal already, the godhood thing is new," he told her, leaving her flabbergasted.
"2000 years ago, we battled in the DGP," Kugimiya said. "You defeated me, but refused to finish me off, even though those who lose in combat were supposed to give up their lives, because you viewed me as not worth killing! I spent 2000 years searching for you and learning the mysterious study of alchemy. I trained myself for years to meet you once you reincarnated. And used the Chemies for my goal."
X Wizard gasped. "You mean you lied to me?!"
"Watch your mouth, Chemy," Kugimiya said scornfully.
"Wi-?"
"You should be honored I bothered tricking you at all," Kugimiya sneered.
"You were using it all along?! How dare you! This is unforgivable!" Hotaro cried.
"Now do you remember, Ukiyo Ace?" Kugimiya growled.
Ace scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Uh… Not… Really? I mean, I've been doing this a long time, a lot of people have sworn vengeance against me over the centuries. Are you sure it was me?"
"Of course it was!" Kugimiya snapped. "You had a different name, and a different face-"
"Wait, doesn't that mean it couldn't have been him?" A confused Renge asked.
"No, I serially reincarnate," Ace told her. "Or used to, anyway."
"Oh."
"Like the Doctor!" Isaac excitedly declared.
"Yes, except that I have to start from infancy every time I'm reborn," Ace corrected him.
"So not like the Doctor," Rinne said.
"Not really, no," Ace admitted, much to Sabimaru's disappointment.
"But you still have the same eyes, Ukiyo Ace," Kugimiya ranted. "Or, as you called yourself then, As Ultima!"
"Oh! Yeah, that was definitely me then," Ace realized. "Still don't member you, though."
"Huh, it's kind of like you and that Boruto guy, Spanner," Hotaro commented as Kugimiya spluttered indignantly.
"Who?" Spanner asked.
"You know, that other alchemist who you beat to become a Super-A ranked alchemist?" Hotaro asked.
"I know not of whom you speak," Spanner said.
"Wait, that's an actual rank-" an incredulous Michinaga demanded.
"He turned into the Hawk Malgam and kidnapped me because he thought we were lovers – which will never happen, incidentally-" Rinne said, face screwed up in disgust.
"Agreed," Spanner concurred.
"And you and Ichinose defeated him together?" Rinne continued. "And then Professor Minato erased his memories for… Some reason?"
Spanner shrugged. "Doesn't ring a bell."
"You see? Just like that!" Hotaro exclaimed.
"Erased his – seriously, is that you people's answer to everything?!" Neon demanded.
"Wait, hang on, let me get this straight," Keiwa spoke up. "You wanted revenge on Ace for 2000 years… Because he spared your life. Not because he beat you, which I can kind of get – I mean, look how nuts Michinaga became because he was obsessed with beating Ace-"
"Hey, that's… Actually pretty accurate," Michinaga reluctantly agreed.
"But because he didn't kill you," Keiwa emphasized.
"It was a different time," Kugimiya insisted. "And he wounded my warrior's pride!"
"And you held onto that for 2000 years," Keiwa repeated in disbelief.
"I spent 2000 years trying to find out the truth about my mother," Ace pointed out.
"Yeah, but that's a pretty understandable and sympathetic motive, this just seems… Petty," Keiwa complained.
"Not to mention he waited 2000 years to get revenge? I mean, couldn't he have done something at any point in the last several hundred years?" Renge asked.
"I was trying to find a man who had a different name and face whenever he's reborn and could reincarnate anywhere on the planet before the Internet existed, let's see how long it takes you to find one person," Kugimiya snapped.
"… Okay, fair," Renge admitted.
"Okay, but… Once you found him, what exactly did you think would happen? I mean, not only has Ace gotten stronger with every life-" Keiwa started.
"That's right, I have," Ace confirmed.
"If you actually managed to beat him, then what? He's immortal. He would have just reincarnated elsewhere. Your victory would be kind of fleeting?" Keiwa pointed out.
"Not to mention that your plan is kind of… I don't even know what your plan is. You got X Wizard here to try and turn us into Chemies, including Geats, then made us go through this game to try and collect some other Chemies – and, seeing that you showed up even though we didn't capture any of them but X Fortress, implies that collecting the other Level Number 10 Chemies didn't even have anything to do with your scheme – and… What? What's the endgame here? How does this help you get revenge on Geats?" Michinaga asked, bewildered. "I mean, you had 2000 years to think of a plan, and this is the best you could do? You could've gone with any plan to draw him out, but you go with something as overly complex as this?"
"You could've just sent me a letter or email or something," Ace pointed out. "Or left a wish at my shrine to meet me or challenge me to a rematch. I'd get it."
"Yeah, it would be like if you spent 65 million years coming up with a plan for revenge and all you could think of is giving out cursed coal on Christmas to turn people into evil elves to take over the world," Hotaro agreed.
Everyone gave him confused looks. "That's… An oddly specific example," Tsumuri said.
"Wait, why would Christmas be involved?" A confused Renge asked.
"Kugimiya would be a Christmas-themed monster in this," Hotaro said.
"… How can there be a Christmas-themed monster 65 million years ago when Christmas didn't even exist then?!" Michinaga demanded.
"We have tons of Chemies based on vehicles and stuff that shouldn't have been around hundreds of years ago," Hotaro pointed out. "Like Smaphone, or Goldash, or Renkingrobo."
"… That's actually a good point," Renge admitted after a moment. "Why do we have those?"
"It's still a ridiculous hypothetical," Spanner scoffed.
"More ridiculous than what's happening now?" Keiwa asked.
Spanner frowned but didn't reply.
"Actually, I could theoretically see a way to justify said hypothetical," Isaac spoke up. "If the revenge seeker is, as Hotaro said, a Christmas-based monster, it would naturally only be able to come up with schemes that are Christmas-related. As for waiting so long for revenge, if time travel were involved, it's possible that the people it wanted revenge against hadn't even been born yet so not only would it have to wait until Christmas had been invented – assuming it didn't do that itself – it would also need to wait for its targets to not only have been born, but travel back in time to do whatever it wanted revenge for, and then make it back."
"Wait, why wouldn't it just kill them when they were a lot younger and more vulnerable?" A confused Neon asked.
"Time paradox. If they had never existed, the monster wouldn't have any reason to seek vengeance against them, therefore it couldn't have killed them, therefore they did exist to do whatever made it want revenge," Ace explained.
"Exactly," Isaac said as everyone nodded and made noises of agreement.
Hotaro smiled gormlessly and happily said, "I have no idea what you just said!"
"That's… My plan is perfect!" Kugimiya spluttered. "I've waited centuries for this moment-"
"Didn't you wait a little too long?" Keiwa asked. "I mean… Ace is a God now? That seems a little out of your weight class?"
Ace nodded in agreement. "Yes, at this point I think the only person who could really give me any trouble would be… I don't know, a future version of myself?"
Michinaga looked horrified at the thought. "And one Geats is bad enough…"
"Sh-shut up!" Kugimiya shouted, turning red in the face as he snapped his brush in half. "You won't ruin this for me! X Wizard!"
"Wi?" the Chemy asked, pointing at itself.
"Let darkness engulf you!" He cried, reaching out his right hand towards the Level Number 10 Chemy, darkness streaking out from it to grab the startled X Wizard.
"Wi…Wi!" X Wizard cried in alarm.
"No!" Rinne cried in horror.
"Wi…Wi…! WI…!" X Wizard cried as the darkness dragged it back towards Kugimiya…
Then winked. "Psych!"
With a snap of its fingers, the darkness dispelled, Kugimiya staggering back, an astonished look on his face. "How… How did you do that?!" He demanded.
X Wizard held up an index finger. "Chemy Law, "A Level Number 10 cannot be subjugated." That means you can't use me to become a Malgam. You… You knew that, right?"
From the dumbfounded look on Kugimiya's face, it was clear the thought had not occurred to him.
"You know, it's weird, everyone keeps saying that, and then acts like that's not even a thing," Michinaga commented.
Tsumuri nodded. "Yes, it is most inconsistent."
"Well, considering how often they resort to memory wiping, maybe they have colossal holes in their own memories?" Neon suggested.
"No way! I'm sure I would remember something like that," Hotaro said confidently.
Neon gestured at him. "Case in point."
"W-well… I can still steal Ace's beloved reincarnated childhood pet and become a Malgam, creating a foe he will surely hesitate to fight!" Kugimiya stammered.
He extended his hand, darkness gathering once more…
When suddenly, with a loud bang, his head exploded, splattering everyone (except, somehow, Ace, because of fucking course) in blood and bits of brain matter.
There was a long beat as everyone stared at the headless corpse which, after a moment, collapsed to the ground.
"Fortress!" X Fortress said smugly, cannons smoking.
"Yay, he's dead!" X Wizard cheered, clapping giddily and hopping up and down.
"Huh," Keiwa said, so utterly numb after everything he'd experienced in the DGP he wasn't even remotely horrified. (After all, he'd seen plenty of heads exploding in the Final Desire Grand Prix under Suel's management.) "I was kind of expecting you to do that, Ace."
"I was just about to, but X Fortress beat me to it," Ace said, petting Constantine.
"Kon!" Constantine barked.
Sabimaru started screaming.
"OH MY GOTCHA, HE'S DEAD!" Renge shrieked.
"Wait, so a gotcha is also something you pray to? I'm so confused," Neon complained.
"This whole thing has been pointless and confusing," Tsumuri complained.
"Not really, I got my old pet back," Ace pointed out happily.
"A man just died! Why are you not more horrified?!" Rinne demanded.
"I'm over 2000 years old and have seen much worse," Ace said.
"I have seen humans fight and die pointless, brutal deaths for so long it has mostly lost its meaning for me," Tsumuri said.
"I've died at least once and saw my parents and sister die before my very eyes," Keiwa said.
"I've also died at least once, saw my best friend get murdered before my eyes, and done worse," Michinaga said.
"Basically, I think we're all very fucked up people," Neon said. "I mean, we've all spent quite a while playing a game that, until recently, had a shockingly high death toll among both players and civilians and emphasized the insignificance of human life given how easily people could be killed, brought back, or simply forgotten completely with no consequence whatsoever due to the whims of unspeakably powerful and borderline untouchable observers from another era. Also, he was an annoying and underwhelming bad guy we'd only just met so didn't really care that much about him."
Her friends nodded in agreement and Constantine barked.
"You see?" Spanner snarled to a horrified Hotaro. "This is why Chemies need to be regulated! They're too powerful and dangerous to be let free around humans!"
"You can turn into a metallized warrior with alchemy powers and have a disturbing and confusing moral code, you could be said to be too powerful and dangerous to be let free around humans too," Michinaga pointed out. "Also, it heard you."
"Fortress!" X Fortress said, turning and pointing its cannons at Spanner, who shrieked and hid behind Michinaga.
"But… But X Fortress, why?" A distraught Hotaro, looking as if he'd learned Santa Claus or the tooth fairy weren't real, a cornerstone of his innocence and idealism crumbling before his eyes. "Why would you do that?"
"Fortress!"
"It thought Kugimiya's tie was ugly," X Wizard translated.
"… That's it?!" An astonished Rinne demanded after a minute.
"It wasn't to protect the Geats Chemy?" Isaac asked.
"Constantine," Ace said harshly.
"Fort."
"It says it doesn't give a crap about the fox; it marked territory inside its illusory body," X Wizard translated.
"Well, I told him to go before we went inside but he wouldn't listen," Ace huffed. "Plus, there weren't any toilets! What kind of castle doesn't have bathrooms these days?"
"Kon!" Constantine said unapologetically.
"Wait, why would he use the toilet? He's an animal. Chemy. Former animal," Renge said. She frowned. "Wait, can Chemies even do that?"
"Well-" Isaac started.
"Never mind, that's not a rabbit hole I want to go down," Renge quickly and wisely changed her mind.
"I trained Constantine to use the toilet when I was younger," Ace explained. "That was an eventful afternoon."
Everyone stared at him. "What?"
Professor Minato raced into the room. "Students, I came as soon as I could, you need to know that Kugimiya is-"
He paused, seeing the headless corpse on the ground. "Oh. It would seem I'm too late. Again."
"Professor Minato!" Hotaro wailed. "A Chemy killed a human being!"
"It needs to be locked up immediately," Spanner said confidently from where he was hiding behind Michinaga.
"Well, unfortunately, Level Number 10 Chemies can't be subjugated, so I don't really see how we can," Minato admitted. "Ichinose, I don't suppose you could…"
"X Fortress killed someone! How can I be friends with a murderer?" Hotaro wailed, looking heartbroken.
"That's never stopped you before, most of your Chemies have killed more than one people in the past, Rex-X eventually digests most of the people it eats, after all," Minato said encouragingly. "And lest we forget, Hopper1 is responsible for numerous famines."
Hotaro's jaw dropped. "What?!"
Minato blinked. "Did… Did you not know that? Or… Did you know that, but I made you forget about it? I can't remember myself, which I suppose is ironic. Well, no matter, I'll just erase your memory of this like I have all the other times you've seen someone get horribly killed."
"Other… Other times?" Rinne stammered.
Minato nodded. "Yes, like the time Atropos murdered one of your teachers in broad daylight, or all the people Tsuruhara killed when he was Dread-"
"I did what?!" Sabimaru stammered.
"Or why you remember Harima dying by disintegration rather than the unspeakably horrific thing Atropos actually did to her, or all the other people who've been horribly killed by Chemies or as unfortunate collateral from your battles with Malgams," Minato said.
"But… But none of that happened," a horrified Rinne stammered.
Minato winked and tapped his nose. "That's right, it didn't! And in a moment, it never will have again. You students should be able to enjoy high school without any horrific trauma constantly lingering over you, haunting your dreams, laying an increasingly heavy burden on your shoulders, and making you look at your ring and contemplate how very, very easy it would be to use alchemy to make it all end…" He trailed off, staring at his ring with a contemplative look on his face.
"That's… That's sick!" An outraged Keiwa shouted as the alchemists gave their teacher distraught looks. "They're your students! You're responsible for them! How can you use them as child soldiers, expose them to such horrors and then brainwash them so it's like it never happened?! Don't you feel any guilt for it?"
Minato grimaced. "Well, I suppose I do…"
He raised his ring and stared into it as the stone lit up. His expression cleared. "But not anymore!"
"Wow, that's fucked up," X Wizard said.
"Fortress?" X Fortress asked, moving its cannons.
"Just a minute, I want to see where this is going first," X Wizard said.
"Don't worry, the rest of you won't have to worry about this in a moment either," Minato assured the outraged DGP Riders. "I will, of course, also be confiscating that Chemy of yours-"
It was at that point Constantine tackled Minato to the ground and started violently mauling him.
"Thatta boy! Get 'em, Constantine!" Ace encouraged his pet as the alchemists watched their teacher get torn apart in horror.
"No mercy!" Neon cried.
"Go for the eyes!" Michinaga suggested.
"RIP OUT HIS JUGULAR!" Tsumuri bellowed.
X Wizard cheered and started clapping again. "Yay, more violence!"
"Fooooooooooortress!"
"… Well, I hope one of you knows the memory erasure technique, because after this I feel like I'm definitely going to need it," Renge commented to the other students.
"Hopper1, why didn't you tell me?!" Hotaro angrily demanded of his partner.
"Hopper! Hopper1!"
"I never asked?! Oh, okay, that's all right then," Hotaro said, immediately calming down, to everyone's incredulity.
"What a ridiculous joke-" Spanner started to scoff right before LiXion burst out of the door behind him, grabbed him in its jaws, and dragged him back through to its realm.
Needless to say, the DGP Riders left with Constantine and their memories intact.
Michinaga also snuck LiXion out the back when nobody was looking and took it home with him. He'd always been a bit of a cat person and dreamed of being a Pokémon trainer when he was younger, and besides, this meant his pet could be a rival for Geats's pet!
He was rather put out when they became best friends immediately.
Several months later…
"My apologies, Master Geryon. We failed to eliminate them," Atropos said to Geryon in his inner sanctum in the former Alchemist Academy.
"We can do that anytime," he said dismissively. "This matter takes precedence, so we should start soon. A chemistry… 10 years in the making."
"So, you're finally opening the Door of Darkness…" Clotho murmured, looking at the eight Level Number 10 Ride Chemy Cards up on the glass wall.
"The materials that make up the Door will be the ten Level Number 10s," Geryon explained. "Two remain…but I have one of them right here," he said, holding up his golden cube/alchemy tool/sex toy.
He took off the top, and it blasted apart, a majestic Dragon manifesting before them.
"Drrraaagggooonnn!" It roared, breathing fire at Geryon, who blocked it with a golden shield.
The evil alchemist chuckled as his minions tensed behind him. "A Level Number 10 cannot be subjugated, was it?"
He gestured, and Dragonalos was suddenly bound in a dark sphere.
"Dra-Dragooonnn…!" It cried as it started shrinking towards the blank card Geryon held up…
Only for it to suddenly break free, blasting Geryon and the two Abyssalis Sisters back in the process. Geryon's eyes widened. "What-"
The eight cards on the wall flashed and suddenly all of them manifested, surrounding the evil alchemists.
"No, a Level Number 10 cannot be subjugated," Wizard tutted, shaking his head. "Why do they keep thinking that doesn't apply to them?"
Geryon swallowed as the nine extremely powerful and extremely angry Chemies loomed over him. "Oh shit-"
And that's why Furasu High School had to be closed down for repairs for several months.