Repressed Memories - Chapter 1

cannot_remember

plane-theory

1

Lincoln Loud liked to think that he had a good memory.

He was the Man With a Plan, the eternal helper,

The Loud Family's greatest detective.

So why couldn't he remember what had happened last night?

Lincoln furrowed his brow, wrinkles appearing on his forehead. He rubbed his temples with both hands in an attempt to jog his memory.

No dice.

Sighing, Lincoln turned to his clock, eyes widening at the time. 11:00 AM, read the clock in a harsh, unflinching red. He turned to the calendar, wincing at the circled date. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he leapt out of bed. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten about HER departure.

Lincoln felt an unexplained tightening in his chest as he started thinking. Lori Loud, the eldest of the Loud siblings, was leaving for college, that very day! Him and his siblings had even organized a going-away party of sorts for her. The festivities were supposed to have lasted from last night and continued into today but…

It was far too quiet outside.

Ignoring the growing pit in his stomach, Lincoln quickly changed into his customary orange polo, slipped on a pair of blue jeans, and raced out the door and down the stairs. Reaching the halfway point of the stairs, he slowed to a walk as he saw all of his sisters simply milling around, most of them hanging around on the couch and around the living room with the exception of his goth sister Lucy, and his college-bound sister Lori. On a second glance around the room, his parents and all his sisters seemed especially morose, with fashionista Leni crying quietly, being consoled by their parents. Lincoln opened his mouth to ask what was going on, when he suddenly felt a hand grab his arm and dragged him back up the stairs. His first instinct was to let out a squeal, a very manly squeal, mind you, but another hand covered his mouth.

"Shh…" a voice came from behind him.

"Lucy!?" Lincoln exclaimed, or at least, he tried to exclaim. Due to the hand covering his mouth, the sound came out as a garbled mess.

"Calm down brother…" Lucy said monotonously, "I just need to talk to you about something in private."

"But you didn't have to grab -" Lincoln started, but he was cut off by Lucy dragging him further up the stairs.

"Just a couple of minutes.." Lucy stated, "Plus you seem slightly confused brother, perhaps you forgot something? Now if you promise to not make any more noise, I'll remove my hand now." She finished her statement with a trademark sigh.

Lincoln nodded his head rapidly, and Lucy's hand was removed from his mouth. She wrung her hand, grimacing as she felt the spit all over the palm of her hand. "Sorry about that," Lincoln said bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck, "Just got a little startled when you grabbed me, is all."

Lucy sighed again, looking at her hand. As they reached the top of the stairs, she let go of Lincoln's arm and tilted her head towards her wet hand. After a few seconds of deliberation, she wiped her hand on the back of Lincoln's shirt.

Lincoln made a noise of protest as Lucy walked into her and Lynn's room. Her eyes bored into him from behind the veil of her hair. As Lincoln just stood at the top of the stairs, Lucy let out a third sigh and gestured for him to follow her into the room.

Lincoln shook his head quickly, snapping himself out of his semi-stupor and strode into the room. "So… what did you want to talk about Luce?" Lincoln asked.

Lucy didn't answer, but instead peeked out the door then shut it. After a few seconds of pause, Lucy turned and spoke. "Lincoln." she said sharply, "Are you…" she paused. "Are you okay?"

Lincoln was stunned by the question. He scratched his head. "Well I feel fine, I guess?" his voice held an uncertain tone. He had no idea what brought upon this conversation, and he couldn't really think of any reason why Lucy would be concerned.

Maybe it's because you can't remember anything from last night, dumbass.

Lincoln facepalmed internally. 'Well inner monologue, he quipped in his head, how would Lucy know that, huh?'

Lincoln was interrupted from his inner musings as Lucy broke her silence once again. "You got drunk during Lori's going away party, and while I am sure that our parents approved of your… consumption of alcohol, you failed to wake up and attend the party that YOU planned." Lucy crossed her arms. "The Lincoln I know would never do something like that without a reason."

"Luce, I really am alright," Lincoln replied, beginning to feel more and more nervous as Lucy stared at him, unmoving.

"Luce, really."

"Luce."

"Lucy."

"Lucy, please respond." Lincoln said, perspiration beginning to run down his neck the longer Lucy stayed silent. It felt like an eternity had passed, and Lucy was as still as a statue, arms crossed and with the disapproving stare of hers.

Man, when even Spooky can tell something is wrong with you, you must be really fucked up, buddy.

Lincoln couldn't even refute that logic. He glanced at the clock, and only 3 minutes had passed since he entered the room, and it had been only 2 minutes since Lucy had spoken last. "Well, i'm just going to go now-" Lincoln started, but he was cut off by a sudden movement from the goth.

"No." The goth said, moving to block the door. "Lincoln. You, among many of our older family members got quite drunk, then, today, you didn't show up to the party that you planned." Lucy's voice softened somewhat. "Not that there really was a party anyways… the guest of honor, Lori, took off a solid 8 hours ahead of schedule, like she couldn't wait to get out of here. Plus, you kind of just… look terrible."

Lincoln stayed silent.

"And furthermore," Lucy continued, a light blush beginning to dust her face "You-"

"I can't remember anything from last night." Lincoln blurted out.

Lucy looked surprised. "Like nada, zip, nothing?" she asked.

"Nothing." Lincoln sighed. "The last thing I remember was…" he trailed off, not noticing Lucy's expression which was of a mix of relief and disappointment.

"Well?" Lucy asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"

Lincoln didn't respond, instead creasing his brow for the second time that morning, bringing his hands to his temples again. This repeated action yielded no better results than the first time he did it, and he pressed harder into his skull in an attempt to remember.

You fucking moron. You know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result right?

'Fuck off', Lincoln growled in his head as he squinted his eyes and tilted his head towards the ground.

I'm right though, there's something wrong with you bud, and you can't remember jack about what might have caused it.

'Well if you're so smart and knowledgeable, why don't you tell me what i'm missing, smart guy?' Lincoln thought to himself.

First off buddy, I -

'Can it! Don't call me buddy!'

Okay twerp.

Lincoln fell silent at those words-nay, thoughts. He subconsciously realized that he was now sitting on the ground, and that he was breathing heavily, and that his temples were starting to ache, and there was this tightness in his chest, and a pit in his stomach, and he kept hearing this sound in his head-

"-coln. Lincoln. Lincoln" Lucy was by his side, shaking him slightly.

Lincoln attempted to steady his breathing, taking large gulps of air. He could feel the tightness in his chest and stomach begin to decompress as he calmed down somewhat. As his breathing steadied, Lucy began rubbing his back soothingly, and his panic began to disperse slowly. Lincoln became acutely aware that he was crying, and as he calmed he made a very conscious effort to stop.

What kind of loser cries in front of his little sister?

As his cries subsided, Lucy began to speak again. "Well, whatever is wrong Linc, you can always come to me or any of your other sisters, for that matter. If you really aren't feeling this talk right now, we can always talk later brother. If you are sufficiently calmed, we can continue this at a later date." Lucy finished speaking and began to get up, but Lincoln's hand shot up and grasped her wrist softly.

"Don't leave" Lincoln said quietly, "Just stay for a little bit… please" he added after a pause. "I don't really know what's wrong, and I don't know why I can't remember, and I don't know why I suddenly started panicking, and -" Lincoln could feel himself beginning to spiral again, but was thankfully stopped by Lucy sitting back down next to him and providing a comforting presence.

And so the two sat, uncertainty and unspoken questions swirling around them.

Coward.

A/N

This chapter was somewhat meant to be a short introduction to whatever this new story is, but it kind of spiraled into whatever this emotional vomit was. This story is planned to be written released alongside a companion fic called Picking up the Pieces, which should follow the same plot points and story as this story, but following Lucy's POV instead, for the most part.

The schedule I have in mind would be weekly or biweekly updates - updating both fics at once, my intention is for people to read both, but this one will mostly be emotional angst and mental exploration, and most of the real story would probably be told through the other fic.

This is probably the longest AN that will be here on the fic, (except probably the epilogue one). Reviews Welcome.