Dallas, Texas
March 1977
Gripping JR's hand tightly, Sue Ellen's heart pounded as she watched Doctor Carter open the paper file and look up at them as he asked how they wanted the news, his comments implying there was more than one thing to discuss.
"Good news first, then the bad news," JR said, his voice steady, though the clamminess of his hand told Sue Ellen everything his strong tone didn't.
"Well, the good news is Mrs Ewing is still in fine health and our investigations reveal no reason why if the situation arose, she could not healthily carry a baby to term."
Relieved that nothing had changed for her, she didn't let go of her husband's hand, knowing there was still more to come.
"And the bad news?" JR asked, his voice dropping.
"Your test results showed a low sperm count and what we did measure had low motility, so at present, your chances of conceiving together naturally are slim."
There it was, plain and painful, the truth neither of them had wanted to hear.
"But there is a chance?" JR's voice was tinged with disbelief, and she understood why. He might have considered this possibility before, but hearing it confirmed was another matter entirely.
"Lifestyle changes can have a positive impact, but it's no guarantee. I'm sorry."
"This can't be right. I have it on good authority that I've already fathered a child," JR said, shaking his head, sounding more certain this time. His words blindsided her.
"Excuse me?" she blurted out, yanking her hand away, a mix of shock and revulsion washing over her.
"I was in college. She handled it," JR said dismissively.
"JR!" Her voice was sharp, laden with hurt and anger. There were so many reasons this bothered her—the secret itself, the act, and the fact it was coming back to haunt them now. She could barely stand to look at him.
"It was long before we met," he added, almost defensively.
"Does that matter?"
"Yes. I don't ask about your life before me."
"You know my life before you; I married you straight out of college."
Upset by the turn their conversation had taken, her husband attempting to turn things back on her, as if she had an equal number of secrets, she wasn't much in the mood to hear what else Doctor Carter had to say, but that didn't stop him from making sure they heard it, clearing his throat loudly to get their attention.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I did have more to tell you."
"Positive news?"
No longer disbelieving or sure, JR sounded desperate this time.
"Well, you have options."
"I'll drive."
Sue Ellen's words hadn't registered at first, but that only made them more significant. Now, as he looked out the passenger seat window and saw Braddock in the distance, he realised he'd missed the entire journey home, lost entirely in his own thoughts. He wasn't in any state to operate a car, apparently, he wasn't in any state to father a child either. The pain of that thought was almost unbearable, yet it didn't stop his mind from circling back to it.
Their options didn't feel like real options. John Ross Ewing III had an important role to play in the family, and it wasn't just a social one. Sue Ellen was his wife, and by law, any child of hers would be considered his too. But he'd always know the truth. He had no doubt that Sue Ellen could love and nurture a baby, especially if it was her own. What he wasn't sure of was whether he could do the same. He loved Sue Ellen, but could he love a baby that wasn't technically his?
Could he bear to watch Sue Ellen go through such a touching, special experience, knowing he'd had no part in it? Could he endure the future conversations about who the child most resembled, in looks or personality? Could he handle the knowledge that Gary had done what he couldn't? That one day Bobby would too, if he hadn't already? That his family line might end with him? He really didn't know, and he found it impossible to visualise.
It wasn't fair. He'd done everything he was supposed to, but none of it would matter if he couldn't produce an heir.
Dinner was usually a much livelier affair than it was tonight. Lucy had done enough talking for everyone, but JR was acting strangely. Sue Ellen, too, seemed off, although it was less noticeable, she could be as quiet as a mouse sometimes.
Something was going on, Jock was sure of it. First, because he knew everything happening at the office, and there was nothing more stressful or worrisome than usual. And second, because JR had discreetly disappeared for the latter half of the afternoon, leaving no emergency contact with his secretary, Susan.
Both his son and daughter-in-law looked healthy enough, but their minds were clearly elsewhere. He didn't know where yet, but he'd find out eventually. Jock made a point of knowing everything, even when it wasn't somewhere he was particularly welcome.