Ken is dead.
No, he's not just dead. He's been murdered and it's all her fault. No matter how many times she spins it in her head, it all comes down to her. His parents were right in not letting her attend the funeral. They were right to place the blame on her. If Ken had not met her, if she did not get into a relationship with him, then perhaps, he would still be alive.
It's her fault and there's nothing she can do to change that.
Anna laid down on the bed, unable to get some sleep. She just stares at the ceiling of her bedroom, surrounded by darkness. She cannot remember for the life of her when was the last time she's able to get a good night's sleep.
In her frustration, she gets up, went to the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine. Then, she stared at the cupboards and decided to open a bottle of whisky instead and returned the wine. She needs something stronger. The sleeping pills do not work as they usually do so whisky it is.
She gulped one, two, then three glasses before she felt its effects and she went back to bed. The ring Ken gave her felt heavy on her finger but she couldn't bring herself to take it off.
How naïve of her to allow herself to dream a life with him, to picture a future her father was able to achieve despite the nature of his job. She thought she can manage the same thing. A husband, kids, a nice place for her family…she was so stupid to even think about it. Those are fairytale dreams and her life is far from being a fairytale.
For some reason, she understood why James couldn't give her what she wanted. She should have taken a page out of his book. They're not meant for a normal life. It is their job to make sure that the others get to have that but not themselves. It is the kind of life she had chosen for herself. It is the only thing she got left.
The morning came with a blink of an eye. She fell into a dreamless sleep and when she opened her eyes, her entire body protested to get out of bed but she got a job to do. That's the only thing that gives her a reason to get up in the morning and she's not going to mess it up.
She smoked her way as she drove to the station. It's a habit she picked up after Ken's death, a habit she used to frown upon whenever James would do so around her but now she understood the appeal.
When she arrived at the station, the team is already waiting for her.
"Ma'am, Detective Chief Superintendent Langton is waiting in your office", Paul said.
Anna frowned.
"How long?"
"…about half an hour, I think. He's here before we arrived",
Anna nodded and passed him her coat. She marched towards her office and found James sitting on her chair.
"You're up early", she greeted before closing the door. "I'm guessing you're here to check up on the case?"
The current case she's working on is the murder of a fourteen-year-old girl. Her name is Sarah Mitchell. Her body was found in the woods by a hiker. So far, there's no suspect.
"That and to check up on you", James responded.
She wanted to bristle. Of course, he is. Since Ken died, James has been hovering around her. She appreciated the concern, truly, but sometimes, she feels suffocated by him.
"I'm coping just fine with the case. It's too early right now to give you a full report. I'm still waiting for the lab results on the body", she said automatically.
He sighed before reaching for his pocket for his cigarette. He fumbled when he couldn't find his lighter. Anna reached inside her bag and tossed him hers. James frowned at her before he lit up his cigarette.
"Quite handy…since when did you start smoking?" he asked as he returned her lighter to her.
"Couple of months back…can I have my chair back?" James got up from the chair and she walked around the desk to occupy it. "So, what can I do for you? You don't just pop up out of the blue so there must be something you need",
James stared at her like he's looking at a stranger. He had known her since her first day in the murder squad. The rookie sergeant who got a brilliant mind and spine of steel. She's prone to mistakes but only because of her passion to solve the case. She's as ambitious as him but she cares about the victims and she always gives it her all to solve a case.
He knows how hard it hit her when her fiancé was murdered. He was the one who broke the news to her after all. He had seen her got lost in a trance after hearing the news. He held her as she cried on the bed. Then, he watched her the next day like nothing happened.
He urged her to take some time off, to mourn, but she refused. She pushed through with her promotion and got it with flying colors. She buried herself with work, not allowing herself to grieve her loss. It scares him because he has been there and he knows how difficult it would be once she crashes.
Now, looking at her, he can see how high and thick the wall she built around herself. She rarely shows any emotions on her face. She's direct and detached all of the time and she picked his habits that she used to dislike before.
She has changed and not for the better, if he's being completely honest.
"Commander informed me that there's an opening at the Review Case Department. He asked me for recommendations and I thought about you, if you're up for it", he said.
Honestly, he thinks it is the best place for her. It will lessen her workload, allowing her to have more time for herself, and he hopes that she will finally allow herself to process her loss properly.
"Review Case?"
"Yes…I think it's a great opportunity for you. Since you have a very keen eye for details, you can help solve a lot of slow-running investigations, and you'll have more free time in your hands", he added.
He can see that she's thinking about it, seeing the appeal of the job offer.
"I still have a case to solve",
"I know. If I give the Commander your name, you will be allowed to stay and finish this case you're working on and then, you can submit your papers after the trial is finished",
Anna stared at her desk. It is indeed a great opportunity. She can use it as a ladder before she applies for the position of Detective Chief Superintendent. Her goal is to climb up the ladder as high as she can reach and this will help her do that.
"Alright…I'll take it", she agreed.
James beamed. "Brilliant. I'll inform him of your answer",
Anna studied him carefully before she arched a brow at him. "I know what you're doing, James",
"Hmmm?"
"This recommendation, I know your purpose and it is not because you think it's a good opportunity for me. You can recommended a lot of other people for the job, a lot with more experience than I do. I am only agreeing because of the benefit to my career but I know the real reason why you want it for me", she said.
He doesn't doubt that she does know. She is smart after all. Plus, she knows him as well as he knows her.
"Is it that bad for me to look after you, Anna?" he asked.
"No, it's not, but you don't have to. I am fine, James. I am doing fine. You do not need to concern yourself over me", she answered.
James scoffed.
"You idiot…I will always be concerned when it comes to you. You should have known that by now", he replied.
Anna nodded. She does know. Despite their relationship coming to an end, the respect and care are still there. The feelings are still there though not as powerful as before, it still remains.
"Well, thank you for recommending me. I appreciate it", she said.
"You're welcome and good luck with the case", he responded before leaving her office.
James could only think of Anna as he drove to his office. He couldn't help but put the blame on himself for her current situation. If only he's been capable of giving her what she wanted then, a real commitment, a future, then she wouldn't be suffering right now.
She has given him her heart and he's been an ass towards her most of the time. He was a crappy boyfriend to her and he thought that by ending their relationship would be good for her. He forced himself to be happy for her when she found a new love in her life. He remarried his second wife for stability and to convince himself that he's over Anna when in fact, it's a big fat lie. Then, her fiancé was killed.
Sometimes, he wondered if it's been his fault. If he had not let her go, would she be better? Or would she be miserable still?
James groaned at the thought. There's no turning back time. What's done is done. All he can do now is make sure that she will get through this tragedy, that she will not end up like him, unable to form a serious relationship to anyone, unable to move past his ghost. He doesn't want that for her. She deserves so much more. She deserves a whole lot more.
The case is draining Anna both mentally and physically.
Sarah's murder is more complicated than she thought with the involvement of her father and the reluctance of her mother to believe the evidence all pointing to her husband. Anna couldn't believe it herself.
When she first met Arnold Mitchell, he appeared to be a loving father whose heart was broken over the death of his little girl. Then, the lab results came in discovering his semen in his daughter's body. Further investigation revealed his DNA found in Sarah's nails as she tried to fight back and scratched his skin in the process. The marks, though had faded, were still on his arms and back.
Anna had seen many cases but this is the first time she encountered a sick man who dared to rape and murder his own child. It makes her sick to her stomach just thinking about it. How could a father do that to his own kid?
"Arnold Mitchell is ready for you, ma'am", Paul said.
She nodded and braced herself.
When she entered the interrogation room, Arnold sat there with his counsel. Paul sat next to her and turned on the tape.
"For the record, I am Detective Chief Inspector Anna Travis with Detective Sergeant Paul Simms for the interview of Arnold Mitchell assisted by his counsel Jack Reynolds. Mr. Mitchell, let's start with your whereabouts on December 14, 2024", she began.
"I told you this. I was at home with my wife, watching TV. It was my day off", Arnold answered almost annoyed.
"…and you've been at home the entire day, right?" he nodded. "According to your neighbors, you were seen getting in your car at around two in the afternoon. That doesn't seem to align with your answer, Mr. Mitchell",
As expected, the man went in circles trying to cover up the fact that he wasn't home the entire day on that date.
"What about your daughter? Have you seen her that day? Considering it's your day off, did you have breakfast together?" she continued.
"No. I thought she's still sleeping when my wife and I had breakfast. She always woke up late so it's not unnatural for her to miss breakfast. When I asked my wife to get her, that's when we found out she wasn't in her room", he replied.
Anna hummed.
"You mentioned before your daughter had a habit of coming home late, is that right?" he nodded. "This is from a CCTV footage near the park just a few miles from your house. As you can see, Sarah was walking on her own the night before her body was found. It was time-stamped seven in the evening",
Arnold shrugged.
"Like I said, she came home late most of the time",
"Yes but in this next one…" she laid down another image in front of him. "Your car was seen on the same road just two minutes after she passed by. So, you must have seen her walking there, Mr. Mitchell. Did you ask her to get into your car?" she asked.
At this point, the man is sweating.
"I don't remember seeing her that night", he lied through his teeth.
Anna smirked because by then, she knew that she got him. She produced another image and this time, his lawyer rubbed his forehead.
"Can you explain this picture, Mr. Mitchell?"
It's the photo of Sarah getting inside her father's car contrary to what he just said a few seconds ago.
"She went inside your car. One could only assume that you two went home together but…" she produced another image, "This is an enhance image from the CCTV just two blocks away from your house four hours after the last one and as you can see, Sarah was no longer sitting on the passenger seat of your car. Where did you drop off your daughter, Mr. Mitchell?"
Arnold became mute.
"Let me tell you what happened. You drove not towards the direction of your house but towards the woods, right? That's when you raped your daughter and killed her",
"That's not true",
"…and then, you went home, slept next to your wife, and woke the next day, pretending nothing happened",
"Nothing happened! I didn't kill her!" Arnold exclaimed.
Anna wasn't fazed by his outburst.
"You made a show of not knowing where your daughter is so when your wife said she's not in her bedroom, you volunteered to go out to look for her. Your wife already stated that, by the way, on record when we interviewed her. The thing is, you already knew where Sarah was and you only went out to make sure that no one would be able to find her on the spot where you left her body", Anna went on.
Arnold kept on mumbling that it's not true.
"In your haste, you didn't finish covering her body with dirt because you heard couple of strangers nearby so you hurried off, went back home, and told your wife, you couldn't find her",
Arnold turned to his lawyer, willing him to say something to help him but even the lawyer knows his client is cornered.
"Mr. Mitchell, we found your semen in your daughter's body, your DNA in her fingernails. When you were interviewed last, you were asked to go to the laboratory for DNA sampling and faded marks were seen on your body, marks Sarah made as she tried to fight for her life. Now, my question to you, Mr. Mitchell, is what on earth went to your mind to rape and murder your only child?" she added.
By then, Arnold is weeping like a child. He didn't know about the semen nor the fact that his DNA was found on her fingernails. Jack leaned back and just surrendered. Arguing against DNA is pointless and he knows it.
"I didn't mean it…" Arnold whispered.
"You didn't mean what, Mr. Mitchell?" Anna asked.
"I didn't mean to kill her. I thought…she was moving too hard, just kept on wriggling and I couldn't keep her still. I yelled at her to stop moving and she wouldn't listen to me. I got so angry so I pushed her. I pushed her hard and then I heard it. I heard this loud thud. I didn't see the rock on the ground. Then, the blood started coming out of her head. I didn't know what to do. I…I…I didn't know what to do…"
Anna closed her folder, satisfied.
"For the record, Mr. Mitchell, did you rape and murder Sarah Mitchell?" she asked one last time.
Arnold nodded in defeat. "Yes…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", he cried.
Paul turned off the recorder.
"It's not me who you should apologize to, Mr. Mitchell. You should save that for your wife who believed you're innocent until the end. I'd say you should save that for your daughter but your apology wouldn't do anything now. She's dead and her blood is on your hands", she said before leaving the room.
James was watching the whole thing in the viewing room and Anna's last words towards Arnold sent chills down his spine. He knows Anna can be brutal in the interrogation room.
He had seen her face a serial killer on her first murder case. He had seen her in a number of interviews after that but this is the first time he'd seen her so emotionless while facing a killer. There's almost a glimpse of satisfaction in her eyes as she watched Arnold cried. She enjoyed it and that scares him because that's not the Anna he knows.
He found her inside her office nursing a glass of whisky while smoking a cigarette.
"Oh, you're here. You want one?" she offered him a drink which he accepted.
"Good job in there", he complimented because it was a great work.
The case was solved very neatly and the guilty verdict is ensured.
"Nah…Arnold was just a sloppy mess so I wasn't that difficult to pin him down. No arguing with DNA, right?"
"Still, getting him to confess is what will ensure the verdict at the trial",
Anna shrugged before downing her drink.
"I suppose so. What's important right now is that the case is over and Sarah's killer is locked away for good",
"How was the interview?" James suddenly asked.
"What do you mean? You were there",
James hummed. "Yes, but I am asking you. How was it for you?"
Anna couldn't understand the question at all. "Fine. It was annoying how he kept on lying but he confessed in the end so it was fine. Where is this question going, James?"
"I saw the way you look earlier, Anna. I saw the way you look at Arnold Mitchell as he cried. You were enjoying it. Tell me I was wrong", he dared.
She stilled for a moment. Did she enjoy it? Perhaps. She felt a wave of satisfaction once she cornered him with his lies. When he broke down and cried, yes, she felt glee in that.
"Is it wrong? We got the man. Am I not allowed to enjoy that?"
"No. There's nothing wrong with that but when you first interviewed Alan Daniels, do you remember that?" she nodded. "When I looked ta you then, it wasn't enjoyment what you felt. It was relief. Same goes to all the interviews you conducted after that. It was relief that you caught the killer, a relief that you gave the victims justice. Earlier, that wasn't relief, Anna. You were enjoying his pain. I think you'd understand why that stood out for me", he explained.
"Are you saying I'm turning into a heartless detective?"
James shook his head.
"Far from it. You can never be heartless, Anna. You have too big of a heart to lose it. I think you're numbing it, turning it too cold so nothing could penetrate it. That's not good in the long run. Trust me, I know. I've been there",
Anna scoffed. Of course, it's about that again. Every conversation with him seems to circle back to Ken's death and her way of dealing with it.
"I am not you, James. I have no intention of entering into a relationship I couldn't fully commit to. Besides, it works out for you. You're still here, aren't you?"
"Yeah but I did make the biggest mistake", she raised a brow at him. "I let you go", Anna's breathing halted. "…because of my inability to fully commit to something, I let you go. I failed to love you the way you deserve to be loved. That's the result of the wrong way in which I dealt with my grief. It is the same path you're on, Anna, and right now, you cannot see what I'm trying to tell you but one day, you'll meet someone and you will commit the same mistake I did. You'll fail to properly love that person the way he deserves and you will end up hurting him", he responded.
Anna has no comeback for that. She and James never talked again about their relationship, their separation. She surely avoided it the same way he did. When he remarried, she tried to avoid him at all costs which is difficult considering he's her boss. He also has a habit of interfering with her business.
Instead of saying something, she opted with lighting another cigarette. Well, there's a solution to what he said. If she's not going to have a relationship then, there's no one to hurt, but she's not going to say that out loud.
"I submitted my application to the Commander for the Review Case job", she changed the subject real quick.
James understood what she's doing so he went along.
"I would back it up and you know that job is yours. You're going to be great at it, Anna. I am sure of it",
She smiled.
"Thank you. I appreciate it",
"Well, don't drink too much of that. You're still driving. It would be bad look if you'll be caught driving over the limit", he reminded her.
Anna chuckled.
"Since when did I drive over the limit, James? Don't worry. I'll just tidy up here and I'll go home. Drive safe", she replied and with that, James left her office.
Anna stared at his empty glass and sighed.
There's no one to hurt if there's no relationship. She hummed at that before finishing her drink.