So, this story is already finished and it is an AU that I published last year before the second part of DR came out, so there are things that are inaccurate, but it is basically an au of "Jay's First Year in the Administration."
Also I'm not going to waste time trying to understand the ninjago timeline. Let's just say that between the Merge and DR there are 5 years, and Jay is around 27 at the beginning of the story and let's move on.
He held up two fingers in front. Blue sparks trying to get up despite the exhaustion that was trying to bring him down. His hand trembled slightly, and a red layer slipped over his eyes. The edge of his forehead burned in the cool air and there was a chorus of distant, muffled screams.
They had hit him. Quite strong, on one side of the head.
He was conscious enough to know that that was bad.
Blurry vision, distant sounds, lots and lots of blood seeping into his eyes, mouth, ears and nose.
Yeah, it was pretty bad.
But also, his other half was about to pass out, and he couldn't process the fact that he really shouldn't be using his powers right now.
The creature in front of him was so blurry it looked more like a strange reddish mass than an angry Cragling. It hadn't been a good idea to face so many without a plan. Especially now that he realized he was cornered, barely a meter away from having his face blown open.
He had to move. But everything was moving too slowly.
Concerned screams tried to slip through his numb mind. He knew they needed him and that's why he didn't hesitate as soon as he pointed his hand towards the monster.
Very close, ridiculously close. So close that when the Cragling raised its arm to hit him again, the bolt had already shot straight into its body. So close that before the light could touch it, the creature managed to knock him hard in his head. So close that the white threads were lost in midair between the strong impact.
So close that his power seemed to cross his own body from the blow. Electricity scraping and coursing through his veins again even though that wasn't supposed to happen.
A burning throbbed in his head along with the daze from the fall, it felt as if his entire face was broken, as if he had momentarily forgotten how to see or flee in the split second he fired and was struck down by a stone monster that was easily four times his size.
There was a fairly loud crack, enough to cut through the heavy, coppery mist. They looked like bursting rocks, but he could hardly be sure as he was busy tumbling to the side on the ground. He felt his stomach rise into his throat, and the rough sand found itself against his body an instant later. Blood kept spilling on his vision and that was bad. It didn't make any sense, but somehow, he felt like he had fewer bones in his head than before he started fighting. That was bad. He didn't know what had happened and if he was awake enough, he would freak out.
He heard the screams again. The whispers and murmurs filled with wonder and concern came closer. He couldn't do anything.
His control slipped, like sand touching his fingers.
Before falling unconscious, he wondered if the others were alright, wherever they fell. Wherever that damn thing left them.
Before everything went dark, he thought about Nya and his brothers one last time.
He didn't feel anything else for a long time.
When he tried to open his eyes, his entire face felt numb.
Something was missing, something was wrong. The fragments floated through his shattered mind without his ability to piece them together.
It was like trying to put together a puzzle, feeling all those distant pieces that were slipping away, that didn't make sense, that seemed so far away. Except that it was a puzzle without edges, and he had no idea how to solve something so complex and with so many pieces without help.
He moved his jaw around something. A disgusting taste impaled his palate.
He heard voices, quite close. A strange accent, scratchy and strong. He felt frightened and though he tried to move, he could only emit a pathetic wail of terror as the light hit his eyes.
"He looks... better." The person with the strange voice said while pointing that cursed thing at his eyes. He cringed, an unknown burn clinging to his skin wanting to come off. He could vaguely see the silhouette of a woman with some papers in her hands, and he knew enough to deduce that it was a doctor. "I don't have that much equipment to help or see how far the damage is, but we could do some tests on it. As soon as I have more time, I will ask him some questions."
Someone behind the woman, another too-dim shape in that same tone, drawled in a mutter.
"He looks pretty bad."
"We're all pretty bad, he's not the only patient who needs my help after that... thing, you know?"
"Well, probably if it wasn't for him, there wouldn't be anyone here to begin with."
Jay tried to stammer something, partly offended that they didn't even seem to notice his confusion, and most partly terrified of whatever was going on.
His hands contracted against what he assumed to be sheets. His mind swam with bits of images that were too bright and sounds that were too blurry.
He was losing it. Little by little. Control slipped from his hands again.
The sudden exhaustion, stronger than his fear and confusion, pushed him towards the unknown bed. He tried to stutter something, an exasperated complaint or some insult, but the words caught behind his teeth.
"Okey, let me know when he wakes up more alert, and I'll ask him a few questions to determine how screwed up he is."
"It's already a miracle that he survived, that's for sure."
A hiss was heard from behind. The black was beginning to fall behind his eyes.
The little consciousness he had had slipped out of his hands. With the darkness that dragged his weary vision, came distant whispers that clashed against the murmurs beside him.
They were voices tied to a tug on his chest, they seemed to come from behind a mist. Pushing him into a dream where they kept piling up and scattering before he could give any meaning to the annoying discomfort he felt.
"Jay, honey! Be back by supper!
"Who are you?"
.
.
.
Light filtered back into his eyes before he could get enough rest. A voice, new, a little younger, and with the same accent, assaulted his ears.
"You are awake." She said with some astonishment. Jay felt her straighten up and turn off the damn thing that had been pointing at his eyes. "Tell me how you feel."
Panic filled his chest as he was able to see his surroundings more clearly, as he felt the numb throbbing pain that covered his body, and as he realized that his mind was a disastrous mess in which he could not form a single coherent idea.
"Where am I? Who are you?" he tried to get up, but didn't get very far. He felt like he wasn't breathing, despite being acutely aware of the ragged breath in his ears.
It sounded like a trapped animal.
She raised an eyebrow in concern. Her voice was less clinical than the other woman's, so her concern was quite noticeable as she raised both hands to reassure him.
"Relax, okey?" she whispered nervously. And if Jay wasn't busy wondering where the hell he was, he would have noticed that she didn't seem to have much experience. "You saved us several days ago. Don't you remember?"
"What?" His eyes widened in confusion and he looked around again in alarm before looking down at himself. Something was wrong. He could feel it in the back of his throat, his breath choking as unspoken words began to pile up one after the other. "This is not... "
His first assumption was that he was in a hospital. One of his inventions had gone wrong and he had had an accident. A small slip that paid for not choosing a building closer to the ground.
Except wherever he was it didn't look like a hospital.
It seemed to be in a makeshift tent of some kind. The sound of the wind buffeted and whipped the structure hard, practically tossing the threadbare fabric from side to side. Jay could smell the sea not far from where they were.
Apparently, his reaction only upset her even more. Her skin was already quite pale, but it whitened even more when she noticed his uncontrolled breathing and the trembling of his body. Her dull eyes narrowing as she looked him up and down with concern.
"Do you remember what happened?" her voice came out uncertain and precarious, but she spoke the possibility as if she already guessed what was coming next.
Jay watched as she swallowed apprehensively and his chest tightened even more at that nagging feeling that something was seriously wrong.
Something was missing.
"No, I..." He grimaced as he raised a hand to his head. His fingers making contact with a thick bandage wrapped around his forehead. His body didn't feel like his. It felt... Different. As if a sleeping tingling was enveloping his extremities. He was well aware that his voice didn't sound like his age. "What happened?"
She narrowed her eyes in his direction as she considered him. Jay could see that she herself wasn't in a good shape either. His dark hair was dry and rather unkempt, and there were a couple of scratches that were just healing on her face.
"Do you know your name?"
He frowned. That was not the answer he was looking for.
"What happened?"
"Tell me if you remember your name."
"No, tell me what happened, I want to know. What happened to me?" he barely took a breath when he spoke and he could tell the doctor, or whoever she was, was quickly becoming frustrated with his stubbornness.
"You had a pretty bad accident in the middle of a fight. You… you saved us." she muttered in concern as she finally gave in. The sick feeling did not leave him.
His hands clenched on the sheets. This was wrong, this was very wrong, his head was a tornado of pain, broken shards crashing together on a blank canvas. He tried to reach for something, to go back, to make sense of it, but found nothing.
"I don't believe you." He said shakily, his voice faltering and cracking as his breath continued to shorten. That was not happening. It must be some kind of macabre nightmare.
"Well, it's the truth." She said reflexively as she sighed. She took a few steps back and Jay had to fight the urge to run from wherever they were in search of a way out, in search of something familiar. She glared at him instead, however. He could tell she didn't know what to do, but neither did Jay and they weren't getting anywhere. "Now please tell me your name."
He stammered a few times with renewed force as his eyes closed.
"It's Jay." He nodded confidently more than a few times desperately trying to hold onto something. "I'm Jay Walker."
"Yes, that's what you said when you introduced yourself earlier." She nodded, calming a bit but not enough to let the tension leave her body.
She then asked him several questions after that. Jay answered quickly and hastily, enough that she had to ask him to breathe and slow down. It didn't work much, he was always talking fast, but it took him a bit away from being on the verge of a panic attack.
She asked him several routine questions, that's what she called them at least. Where he lived, who he was, how old he was, or if he remembered what had happened.
He was Jay Walker, son of Ed and Edna Walker. From the Sea of Sands, in Ninjago. He didn't quite know how old he was, his mind told him it was 16 years old, but that didn't made sense since he felt strangely much older than that. There was an emptiness, an indication, an annoying sensation from a time that he carried on the shoulders of which he was more aware of than he thought despite the fact that it did not coincide with what he knew.
And that was the part that left him speechless and stuttering for a while. That emptiness. That wall of time that he knew he was in, but where there was nothing to go back to. Before that shit happened. Everything he remembered, everything he knew felt far away and old, like old photographs torn at the edges. He didn't know what era they were from, but he knew there was a good distance between that and whatever is happening to him now. He knew he wasn't a teenager, but…
He didn't know when he stopped being one. He could not cross that long, immense void that engulfed his mind without a palpitation of pain.
Eventually, his attempts to remember and search left him feeling like he was being stabbed under the eye so he gave up trying.
She to her credit seemed better at giving diagnoses than answering questions.
"It seems that you have some kind of retrograde amnesia that has affected your memories of the last few years. I don't know to what degree, but judging from your answers, it seems that at least you don't have a problem storing new information."
Jay nodded over and over. He muttered meaningless gibberish to himself as she looked at him with a worried look with an arched brow.
"Okay, okay, it's only a couple of years, it's not long, not much can't have happened between those years anyway, I… I -" He ran a hand over his face until it hooked on his jaw with a snort. Not even his body was as he remembered it. He looked up to make eye contact with her. "Okey, uh... and where are we exactly?"
She opened and closed her mouth like a fish. Jay tilted his head as he frowned.
"What?" he hissed with a snort.
"I'll go find Doctor Amber to explain it to you better." She muttered with her eyes downcast as she trotted away.
To say that things got interesting when the answers finally came was an understatement.
All in all, Jay believed he took it as well as he could.
He reacted slowly to assimilate their reality, to understand the words that were said to him once the doctor returned accompanied by someone else.
A catastrophic event.
He stared ahead for a ridiculously long time, silent, a nervous laugh wanting to rise in his throat as if it were all some cruel joke. Slurred murmurs that only managed to worry the doctors while he raised his hands to his eyes and pressed there in the desire that everything be a dream.
The fusion of all the kingdoms in one place.
He could feel as if his chest were tightening, as if his breathing were a fragile thread that would be cut at any moment if he stopped for a single moment to reflect on each of the things that they said to him. But even so, he believed that things could be much worse.
Or so he assumes, his standards are ridiculously low considering his current situation.
"This is yours; it is the little that survived the accident, the rest is burned." The one they called Amber said dryly as she handed him a small gray cloth bag. Several hours had passed, and a good night's sleep since she informed him of his current condition.
"Oh, thank you." He muttered as he took it with trembling hands. He didn't have enough strength to look at its contents at the moment. His brows furrowed and he took a confused breath as he looked at the doctor. "Uh...why were they burned?"
"Do you remember how we told you that to save us from the creature you came making a light show?"
Ah yes, that thing.
"Oh, sure, the lightning thing. Important detail." He muttered sarcastically as he balanced the bag in his hands. After processing the fact that not only were there other kingdoms besides Ninjago, and by some catastrophic event they had joined together in... whatever they were now, it had been more digestible to process that according to these people he arrived in a blue spiral to the battlefield.
Oh, how things had changed in a few years. He was practically cursing his past self for jumping to fight a stone monster so impulsively when he remembered he didn't even know how to fight.
"Believe me, I couldn't make this up even if I wanted to." The doctor assured with a snort. Jay might skeptically reply that everything he was saying sounded made up, and that he had a good suspicion that maybe it was. But when she assured him that his amnesia might as well be because he'd fried his own head attacking the monster, he didn't really have much to say on the matter. She tucked a lock of her golden hair behind her ear as she looked him up and down. "We won't stay here much longer. In two days, the agency will come to relocate the civilians."
Jay rubbed his eyes as he sighed over and over in weariness.
"The what …?" he groaned as he tried to shut down the ringing in his ears. Everything still sounded muffled and distant. He felt that if he focused long enough on the sound, he would lose control of his breathing again, fragile and uncertain as it was. That was one of the reasons he was looking for any reason to keep talking and have his own voice consume that hideous cacophony.
"The main agency of the Administration. They took as much damage as anyone, but they contacted us a couple of days ago and said they were coming to clean up the mess." She clarified slowly as if she were talking to a particularly stubborn child. "Besides, one of their ships is damaged from what they told me, so they will stay for a while until they solve it."
From what little Jay knew, they were on the shoreline of a kingdom that hadn't existed before. Far from ninjago and far from home. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had fallen there, and apparently several villagers had gathered on the beach to share the few resources they had to survive. Until they were suddenly attacked by Craglings and Jay suddenly had to jump in and ruin everything.
Oh, how he hated his past self. He supposed that anger at someone who didn't exist was a good compensation against the paralyzing fear that came over him when he thought about it too long.
"And... why are you telling me this?" he questioned wearily.
She scrutinized him with an unreadable gaze, remaining silent for a while before answering with a tempered voice.
"They are interested in you. After we told them what you did, it seems they want to meet you."
"I did nothing." he sneered as he crossed his arms.
Amber gave a careless shrug as she turned away.
"You can tell them when they come. In the meantime, try to rest." She advised before walking away, leaving him alone in the makeshift nursing tent.
Jay fell onto his back and closed his eyes. He made a futile effort to hold back a muffled sob, but he couldn't hold it back for long. He threw an arm over his eyes and waited to wake up and find himself back home as if nothing had changed.
But the days passed, and unless it was an especially long sleep, Jay was beginning to realize with horror that this was what his situation was. A painful and harsh reality.
His head felt like mush even with the passing of time. He felt a tug pulling him down every time he moved and that every move was being slowed down by something else, he couldn't see. They were all moving too fast, talking too loudly, talking about incomprehensible things in slurred babbling that left him dizzy and helpless. He wanted to yell at them to speak up, to tell him the truth, and to stop giving him false stories. But every word died on his tongue before leaving, he was unable to make any decision other than to lie down looking at the ceiling until they told him that they had to do some motor tests.
"What's the point? If what they say is true, all of this is in vain..." He thought each time, too weak to refuse, but too stubborn to keep quiet.
None of it was real, he refused to believe it. Sometimes he would play along and respond sarcastically by pretending to buy into that little fantasy tale. Others, he directly denied that all that was true. But more than that, when he was alone, he realized that everything was too real and far from everything he knew.
And then, finally, the agency they talked about so much arrived.
Jay had recovered enough to hobble toward the exit, seeing the other carp scattered along the shoreline, people effusively thanking him for something he hadn't done, and the edge of the water lapping against the shoreline. He couldn't see Ninjago from where he was and that only left him more devastated than he was before.
He didn't do much more than walk along the beach at a slow pace. The other civilians, people who seemed to sympathize with his situation, helped him and he was able to pretend for a moment that he was in a familiar place despite the heavy accents of the people and the strange terms they used.
He felt numb. A lost child. He felt pathetically small even though he now surprisingly realized that he was taller than he remembered. Ah, a good change at least.
And then two brown ships arrived, and a slow circle began to form around them. Vehicles Jay had never seen before made their way through the sky and parked slowly and heavily on the sand. He had never seen such technology before and can only watch in wonder when ships stopped just a few meters away. One of the ships was making a strange noise that slowly died within seconds of landing.
The doors hissed open; a group of people got out. There weren't that many, barely 10 if Jay stopped to count them. They wore dark uniforms, black masks, and behind their backs they carried unknown weapons that seemed to Jay to be taken from a science fiction comic.
"Yes... they are definitely the special agency." He thought nervously as he watched them push through the crowd and speak to one of the locals.
At some point he got tired of staring at them like a fool, and decided to sit in one of the few seats on the entire beach. His hands fiddled with the cloth bag the doctor had given him and he internally debated whether he should open it. It was practically like touching the property of a stranger.
A few nearby footsteps on the wet sand suddenly caught his attention.
One of the agents walked towards him. She had taken off her mask and was looking at him blankly. She was a dark-skinned woman, probably in her 30s. With a few recent scars on her face and a grimace as she studied his own that marked his.
"Jay Walker, right?" her voice came out strong and imposing as she spoke.
"Yeah." He sighed uncertainly as he looked around nervously.
She nodded as if the answer pleased her. She took something from his uniform and showed him a silver plate with a symbol that was unknown to him.
"Walker, I am the Special Agent Christa Sone of the F4 squad of Merge Damage Control. I heard that you saved the people of this realm from the attack of lesser creatures from the Realm of Madness. A pretty impressive feat." she commented with some gratitude. "I heard about the accident you suffered during the fight, so what I tell you probably doesn't make sense to you. Still, I appreciate what you did for my people."
Jay snorted and did his best not to appear rude as he crossed his arms.
" Yeah, well, I'm not going to take credit for something I don't even remember doing." He scowled with a grimace.
The agent raised an eyebrow as she put away her badge and looked him up and down. He was getting tired of everyone judging him like that, like he was some interesting animal to watch that was about to lose control or something.
"Well, I understand what you are saying." she mused, lowering his voice a bit. "However, based on what I heard from you; it appears that you are a human being from the Ninjago realm with…special abilities."
He heard that, he heard what he was told and he still couldn't believe he was capable of that. It seemed absurd to him.
"Skills I don't even remember how to use. It may not seem like it, but I wasn't exactly a fighter a few years ago." He complained with a snort, his foot quickly tapping against the sand in between his speech.
She chuckled dryly under her breath.
"No need to be dramatic, Walker." she scoffed, though Jay thought he had pretty good reasons to be dramatic, head trauma being one of them. But who's keeping score though? "You see, I understand that the memory in which we are able to retain our abilities is very different from our autobiographical memory. You may not remember exactly what happened or how you got here, but the good thing is that this is independent of your implicit memory."
He shrugged. That was of no use to him. He didn't care if he had special abilities or not. He didn't care if he could shoot lightning bolts capable of frying his own mind or if he was able to fight like he never imagined he could. What mattered at that moment is that he was stuck on a damp rock in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but a handful of useless memories.
"Yeah, well... That's useless to me..." he muttered as he sat up suddenly. She kept looking at him with that unreadable look as he nodded to her. "But it's obviously useful to you in some way. So… what do you want?"
Crista didn't nod, though something cleared in her dark eyes as he said that. Silence fell between them, and Jay was pleased to see where this was headed.
Finally, she let out a sharp breath and crossed her arms as she surveyed the beach.
"Jay, the Administration already knew about the Merge before it happened." She began to explain slowly, "We knew something catastrophic was going to happen to the realms and we did our best to prevent it. We tried to create weapons of pure energy to stop the meltdown and the Merge Quakes that followed. And we failed, we weren't even able to save our people. The weapons we developed were only able to close the rifts for a few days before they reopened. Apparently, the cracks only react to the most primordial and ancient energy of the realms."
He cut her off by raising his hand vaguely. He was tired of people dodging his questions so often like he was stupid.
"Yeah, ah, I don't know what that is. And you didn't answer my question. Why are you telling me this? Do you trust me to tell me these things about this agency of yours?" he clicked his tongue irritably.
She turned to look at him, nothing in her gaze and face changed. Jay realized that she expected that question and realized angrily that it was really an empty question to him.
"Do I have a reason to distrust you?" she questioned tilting her head to the side.
He clenched his teeth, not really knowing how to respond to that. His hand flew up to massage the side of his forehead as his fingers burned and itched unbearably.
"Why me? " He asked instead as he lowered his hand with a slight tremor. "What do they want from me? In case you haven't noticed, I am useless here. I have no memories that could be relevant in all this mess, or anything that will help your agency."
The agent shook her head in disbelief.
"Oh, but that's not true. You see, Walker, when they told me what you did around here, I believed it because it wasn't the first time, I'd heard of something like that. It turns out that primordial energy is more commonly found in dragons."
His eyes widened in alarm and confusion.
"Dragons? What kind of dragons?" he stuttered nervously. He certainly did not remember that dragons existed.
"Of all kinds, dragons of wind, fire, earth... Lightning." She gave him a half smile as she laughed. "Apparently they are able to affect and even close the cracks that make the realms unstable with their powers. And as you can imagine, it's not easy to get a dragon to shoot a crater in the ground whenever you want."
"No, I guess not." He cleared his throat still restless in his place.
She reached up a hand and jerked at the gun on her back.
"Our weapons are not capable of stopping the Merge Quakes for long. They only neutralize them for a few days and then they have to be sealed again. However…" Her tone lowered as she looked at him intently. "If what they told me is true, you might… have enough power to shut them down permanently."
"Where are you going with this?" he interrupted abruptly even though he knew full well where she was going.
Christa took a sharp breath, nodding to herself as if still considering her words.
"Well, in view of your special abilities, we want to offer you a position in the secret agency of Merge Damage Control." She declared as Jay looked at her in amazement. He had suspected where the conversation was headed and yet the proposal seemed absurd to him. Everything in this world seemed absurd to him.
He shook his head, several times, ignoring the sting of pain that dug into his temples with the movement.
"No, no... I... I can't do that." He muttered with the words too close together. "I'm sorry, but I… I have to go to-"
She looked at him curiously as he stammered. Breaking off in mid-sentence as he realized.
He had nowhere to go.
He didn't know where ninjago was. He didn't know where his home was.
He didn't even know where his parents were.
His eyes watered at that single thought and it took all of him to push back that ardor.
The agent waited in silence. Immutable and stoic face, her cold eyes analyzing his reaction as if she could guess his thoughts.
"I... I don't know if I can do that." He finally sighed, and it was the truth. He could never be imagined in such a context. An agent in an unknown land. The idea seemed laughable to him, but his mind got stuck in finding something ironic in the situation rather than at the moment when he felt most useless, he was finally useful to someone else.
"I understand that it can be a very abrupt and difficult decision. And I know that you yourself are not in a state to allow yourself to contemplate such a thing." She started out calm as she studied him.
"I'm not in a state to make any decisions really." he sneered with a dry laugh.
She snorted with a soft smile.
"I guess these are the kinds of decisions you're never ready for. Trust me, I know. However, this could be a great opportunity for you if you decide to join us. You could help people. Help us rebuild and restore this broken world into something better."
Rebuild and restore. He had experience with it. At least he hadn't forgotten that.
The woman watched him in his silence for a moment longer before turning and glancing at him over her shoulder.
"I'll give you time to think about it. We won't be leaving for a few days, at least until we fix the ship." She muttered before heading towards her team with a firm and straight step.
And Jay waited, waited, biting the tip of his tongue as if the words wanted to come out. But he got nothing more than a confused babble as he debated himself.
Finally, his voice was raised enough to get her attention.
"Hey, um …" he said, more embarrassed and uncertain than anything. Crista looked at him curiously, arching an eyebrow at him as he sighed in resignation. "I might be able to try to help you with that."
For the first time, he saw a different expression on her face; astonishment. She nodded, gesturing for him to follow her, and all the way, the redhead tried to distract his mind as much as possible from the opportunity he was being given.
Because he really didn't know what to do.
Later, when the sun was already setting, Jay was at the edge of the beach. He was barefoot, wearing nothing more than an old shirt of grayish material and black pants that he had borrowed. He had never been this close to the beach, and yet it is as if there is something pushing his body towards the water.
The icy waves disarmed and pushed up to his feet where he was standing. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the water among the scattered foam and realized for the first time how much he had changed.
It was practically like looking at a stranger.
His hair was a spiky mess, shooting out in every possible direction and impossible to return to its original shape no matter how hard he tried to style it like he used to. His face was also different from his old memories, enough for him to deduce that he must be at least over twenty years old. Biting his lower lip anxiously more than once, he realized that his upper fangs were slightly larger and more pointed than they were supposed to be. There were scars that he had never seen before, like reddish roots that crossed his skin, some reaching to the bridge of his nose. He ran his fingers over each one and experimentally touched his fangs as if he wanted to verify that they were real. He never stopped looking at his diffuse reflection in the water and it was as if something dug into his chest at the mere realization of how much he himself had changed. What had happened to him in all those years to end up like this? What had changed?
Why is this happening to me?
His other hand finally pulled out the bag the doctor had given him earlier. Staring at it in frustration for a moment, he debated leaving it behind, throwing it away even, or just opening it to see what belongings he had left.
None of it was his, they belonged to someone else. All he carried with him were memories from years ago and nothing more.
However, his curiosity got the best of him and he found himself opening the bag to see its contents. There wasn't much anyway.
The first thing he pulled out was half of a strange golden medallion, with black symbols that circled until they formed the silhouette of what he thought was a dragon. He has no idea what could be that thing, so he pushed it away for a moment when the pain in his chest became unbearable from staring at it for too long.
Then he pulled out what had previously appeared to be a yellow plastic pin, now terribly melted and blackened around the edges and barely holding its original shape. However, what little was intact showed Jay that there was a small blue image in the middle.
"A lightning." He murmured without irony when he saw the design, turning the little gadget between his fingers as if it gave him the answers he was looking for.
He wondered to himself how he had ended up like this. As a supposed fighter or hero with lightning powers who jumped in to help that group of people without a second thought. Had he acquired his powers during those years? Or maybe he had always had them? The prospect made him more uneasy as he tried to justify the actions he had supposedly taken for the good of those people. Risking his life like that even knowing that he could die and that his supposed powers would not be enough.
The thought seemed terrifying, but there it was. Seriously rethinking whether to join the Administration to help people and rebuild that world.
Only this time he was more lost than before, more lost than he ever should have felt, and with only a vague burning sensation burning his skin. Nothing useful, and nothing of his own.
"What am I supposed to do?" he thought desperately as he watched the dark water carry the sand with it. He reviewed his options, forcing that pain that throbbed in his mind every time he stopped for a long time to delve into the past. However, he couldn't think completely clearly.
These people wanted him. They needed him. He was useful to them, whether it was because of its powers or the fact that they were just desperate to recruit people, it was an opportunity. A chance to help others, and though he never thought he would do such a thing... The idea still seemed as exciting as it was terrifying.
He thought of his parents and a hint of guilt tightened in his chest. He didn't know where they were, He didn't even know if they were alive. And the thought of simply going on and leaving them to become an agent in a strange land left a bitter taste on his palate.
But he couldn't go back. He didn't know where Ninjago was in this new world, or even how to travel there.
However…
He had seen the agency's ships, just by getting closer to analyze them more closely he noticed that they could easily travel great distances as if it were nothing. Christa had told him that they were moving through all the realms, hiding and trying to close any Merge Quakes after the Merge. Maybe if he joined them, he would have a chance to come home. Maybe it was the only chance he had to see his family again wherever they were. And that at least was something. It was something to cling to, because he knew very well what it is to accept that option or…really nothing else.
Because that is his reality, that is all he has and what he could do. He had no choice.
Maybe he was lucky, maybe if he lied, and did everything right as they wanted, he could go back to his life before.
He wasted no time, and as much as he wanted to delay his decision, and whatever he was agreeing to with this, he went to find Christa.
She seemed quite happy to hear his response, despite how tense Jay's voice was as he tried to keep no tremor or fear from creeping into his words. Instead, she assured him that he would be fine, that he was making the right choice.
Nothing in his mind or body tells him that or the opposite, like his brain could not manage to orient himself with his decision making.
"Also, another engineer would be helpful for the workshops. While you are at the agency, you could help out and learn how to use our technology." She commented while smiling, as if his decision was the easiest thing in the world.
It's not, but Jay doesn't really have much of a choice. So, he just nodded. And he nodded again and again, tired and with a blank face, when a man dictated the agency's rules. A leader from another squad named Jon, who went over each of the things they are supposed to do and are not allowed to do without giving him time to speak.
"The Administration does not exist for the rest of the world; we are nothing more than a shadow. The other kingdoms are not our allies or enemies. They do not have to know where we are or who we are. We are only there to do our job, which is to clean up the messes and leave. Nothing more, understand?" he practically barked in her face as he carefully measured his face.
He nodded again, almost absent for a moment.
He was really doing this.
"Repeat it."
He sighed as he crossed his arms. He rocked back on his heels for a moment, before raising his head again.
"Clean up the messes and go, that's all." He muttered hoarsely.
Jon nodded firmly and turned away.
"They'll give you your uniform and place you somewhere in the city when we get there." he growl before saying goodbye. "Welcome to the Administration, Walker."
Not long after they left the coast. A ship full of the inhabitants that he had saved and another where the rest of the agents were traveling. He felt alone. Empty. His mind still swimming and going over every event of the last few days and pondering if he had done the right thing.
He has no way of knowing, and there's no going back anyway. This was the new reality, and this was how things have changed. If this was really the best way for him to adapt, he will use it.
His eyes traveled to his hand. Where he felt the burning heartbeat against his skin, almost seeming to rise and fall with his mere breath. Something that was spinning, and that was slowly entangled as if it were asleep. It was practically like feeling something alive. His fingers snapped experimentally, not knowing what to expect. And of course, nothing happened, and he felt like a fool for expecting otherwise.
"I will be back." He promised himself as he looked out the window towards the sea. Feeling as if he was leaving behind something that was weighing on his back along with those years he had missed. Something he had to look for, though he didn't know what it was. "I won't stay here for long."
When they arrived, all Jay could do was stare at what was the Administration center. There were fragments, pieces of the city that looked like they had been completely removed, strange destroyed buildings that crisscrossed the great streets leaving trails of rubble. There were rows of tents crowded together, wounded civilians eyeing Jay suspiciously, and people trying to repair the mess the Merge had left behind.
"The Administration will reinvent itself, like the rest of the other kingdoms. We're used to rebuilding and moving on with what's left to do better next time. Clean up the messes. That is part of our job, the Administrator takes care of it."
"The Administrator?"
"He is our leader. None of this would be possible without him."
"Uh, and since I'm an agent... am I going to meet him?"
"Do not get so excited. You are an intern for now. You will meet the Administrator when it is time. He is a very busy and careful man, believe me. Especially with this agency."
According to what Jay was told, the agency's goal was to predict the Merge quakes and close them as soon as possible. Relocate any foreign dangerous creature or living being, and if not possible; neutralize it.
Jay quickly deduced that "neutralize" meant kill. And it was no secret at the agency that this was common practice when things got out of hand. There was a reason they gave them such lethal weapons, there was a reason they were so interested in their supposed powers, and he was not so stupid as not to realize that they needed people capable of restraining any danger from the other kingdoms. It was a brutal environment, nothing like what he knew, and no one was subtle about why it was necessary.
He didn't like the option. A bitter regret invaded his chest when he saw the weapons ordered in the workshop. He was always supposed to want to create and build to help people, not to... Do that.
Christa made fun of him when he told her that.
"Walker, just two weeks ago a dragon got scared by a Merge quake. Very close to the edge of central city. Do you know what a scared dragon looks like? We couldn't control it. It was practically a wild animal." She cleared her throat irritably, she didn't even make an effort to hide that she found his words ridiculous.
"I'm going to help you if you need me to repair vehicles and close the rifts if I ever got the hang of this… thing…" he grumbled, waving his hand vaguely in the air. "But don't expect me to do that, it's not that for what I came."
She smiled coldly at him, a dry laugh replacing her defiant tone as he blinked in startle.
"I don't have to wait for anything, you will decide for yourself when you are out there if you want a Imperium soldier to blow your head off or continue living."
Jay frowned, but otherwise said nothing. He wanted to talk, complain, or retort that he wouldn't do that, but he knew well that he was a stranger with nothing more than a few old memories. If he took a chance here, if he failed in what they ask of him, he could lose everything. He might lose his only chance to go home.
So, he nodded when he was given orders, kept sarcastic comments on the tip of his tongue when they asked him to help in the workshop. He could do that. He just had to wait and things could go back to the way they were before.
Or before the before.
At least he appreciated the fact that he could tell he was needed. That was new. He never would have imagined that he would end up in such a place.
When Christa commented that his talent with technology could serve them well, he felt oddly conflicted to be praised for it. It was a place where he was needed, where his skills were constantly being honed, and where they seemed willing to help him rise through the agency. She also commented that they would have to teach him to fight better, that a few reflexes were useless.
And he, as always, just teases, but he nodded. He talked and mocked, but did no more. Because with or without memories, he was still afraid of losing everything, the little that he had left. So, he just accepted it.
They gave him a small apartment in the northwest of the city. Far from the shoreline and in the tumultuous center where ships huddled in the air and commerce flowed through the streets. It was a small place, too gray and empty for Jay's liking. But while Christa assured him that it was a start and that he could probably get a better one in the future, Jay consoled herself simply by the thought that he wouldn't have to get used to it.
He would leave before that happened.
He try to decorate the place with a few plants, but literally none lasted more than a few days before rotting because Jay watered them too much.
"Stupid plants, how can they die from too much water? That doesn't make sense." He mumbled one morning after having to throw all the ruined stalks in the trash.
He settled for just starting to buy Ninjago stuff bit by bit. The street traders, who came in boats and collected things from other realms trying to go unnoticed, used to sell what little had survived the Merge.
Everything was expensive, and Jay isn't exactly good with money and never will be, so he overspent his first paycheck on a box of sweets that one of the shopkeepers managed to salvage from under the wreckage of what used to be a flooded shop.
Despite the anxiety that gnawed at him, he put it away in one of the cabinets and refrained from finishing them all at once.
Instead, he stared pathetically at the half gold medallion on top of his desk, trying to figure out that it's for him. What was it for him before? Something stirred in his mind and he pushed it away. Something was burning at his fingertips and he didn't know what to do with it. Useless sparks.
And then the dreams began.
He began to have dreams after arriving at The Administration. Without fail, every night. There was in every nightmare a familiar voice, a familiar stinger that itched in his ears and he spent the night with burning eyes staring at the ceiling until he had no choice but to sleep or eat something sweet to calm himself. And when he woke up, all memory faded. Except for that feeling of loss, that feeling that something was missing, that feeling that something wasn't right. And all he knew was that none of it was right.
The fragments were blurry at best. He remembered a girl in his dreams. Dark hair and a mole on her face. A soft blue was present behind her along with the smell of rain and he could never figure out why.
He decided to ignore it and concentrate on the job at hand.
Christa told him that his position was temporary, that he could not stay away from the battlefield for long. And while Jay wasn't thrilled with the idea, at least eventually it would be a chance to leave and go back to his home.
He clung to that possibility, spent his days in the Administration doing what they asked. He would get up early every morning, either because of excruciating bouts of insomnia or cursed nightmares. He would get ready for training no matter how tiring and how many times he got his ass kicked in his effort to catch up, learning to shoot and use agency weapons, familiarizing himself with the technology of the place, trying to get used to the new foods, new people and the coldness of the agents who seemed to push him more and more to his own.
And more than once, he woke up in the middle of the night in that apartment gasping in terror in the dark. Voices calling to him, lost memories caught in the cracks in his mind slipping through his fingers again. This wasn't his home, it was too quiet to be. He was alone. And he went back to sleep each time against the tears that wanted to push his eyes when he realized that everything was still the same and that he had to continue pretending. Time passed and sleeping every night felt like a chore. Time passed, and Jay had no choice but to try to get used to it no matter how lonely he was.
One day, two months after arriving at that place, he was assigned a heavier job. Not only to check a few slight breakdowns but to restore about two ships that had been attacked by dragons. They offered to help him if it was what he needed, but it was mainly to see how he managed in contact with the technology of the place.
Jay agreed, partly because he found himself practically jumping in place at the thought of being so included in such an advanced environment, and partly because he really didn't have much else to do but sit in his apartment glaring at that damn medallion.
Until suddenly he heard what was undoubtedly the voice of a girl entering the workshop.
"Take your hands off me!"
He nearly dropped his tools as he turned and looked in alarm at the source of the sound.
A guard brought a kid by the doll. Virtually dragging her as she swayed wildly in an attempt to run. Her feet scraped the floor of the workshop, and her free hand alternated between punching the burly guard or grabbing onto anything within reach.
Jay was speechless, gaping at them as he took a few steps back.
The little girl couldn't have been more than 9 or 10. She was skinny, her threadbare brown uniform framing her bony shoulders and pale, drooping cheeks. Her brown hair was tied back in a makeshift braid, dry and unkempt.
She fixed her hazel eyes on him, and practically her attempts to escape took on sudden courage.
He didn't know why suddenly a vision of a blond boy, too small for his age and with red eyes flashed in front of him. He unconsciously grimaced and his hands clenched into fists as he looked at them in confusion.
"Hey hey! What are you doing?" he complained angrily, but was ignored anyway.
The guard shook her violently one last time.
"Do something useful for once and help repair the vehicles." The man growled as he tossed her a few steps forward. She stumbled, but caught herself from falling, folding her arms quickly to herself.
Her eyes met his, and though she didn't seem truly frightened, Jay could see the wariness in her gaze as she sized him up as a threat.
He knew he wasn't particularly intimidating, but then he remembered the fact of the reddish scars that split across his face and the fact that he was easily nearly twice her height, and he knew that didn't seem particularly harmless either.
The guard gestured for his attention, and Jay looked at him, startled.
"Watch out she doesn't run away, rookie."
"Wait, wait, what are I supposed to-?"
"They didn't tell you, right?" the man asked knowingly with annoyance. "They usually send some children from the Administration boarding school to help with the tasks of some squadrons. Try to teach this smart mouth something by the end of the day."
The kid tensed, but froze to say the least, her eyes fixed forward and her mouth set in a thin line of anger.
Jay looked back and forth between the guard and the girl in utter shock.
"What…?" they couldn't be serious. He wanted to retort to the guard that they shouldn't be putting someone so young to work like that, but the man turned and walked toward the exit, paying him no more attention.
He is left alone finally, gaping at where the guard went in disbelief. It was getting annoying to be ignored so much.
But he wasn't exactly alone, and when he turned to look at the little girl, he noticed how she stared at him angrily. Her body tensed as if she were ready to run and Jay really hoped she didn't because he had no idea what to do in that case except maybe…yell of frustration or something.
When would things start to get easier? Or were they just testing how long he could hold out until he had a stress attack?
"Maybe I should have stayed on that coast and built a ship to escape this kingdom instead of becoming an agent that couldn't even remember… What? The last 5 or 8 years of his life maybe?
"I'm not going to help you fix those things, this is stupid." The girl said suddenly, crossing her arms as she kicked a pebble that had somehow gotten into the workshop.
Jay shrugged with a snort. This was going to be long.
"I don't care." He stated honestly. He didn't even know what she'd done to get punished by helping fix battle vehicles and he wasn't in the mood to order her to help him either. "Just find something to entertain yourself with while you have to be here or whatever. And umm… try not to touch anything that could catch fire."
She snorted in disgust as she pounded her fist against one of the metal walls in a rhythm that Jay guessed would quickly become annoying.
"You can't give me orders, you are supposed to serve the civilians. I'm practically your boss." She muttered angrily more to herself than to him.
Jay gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes and began his work anyway. He didn't feel like wasting his time with a grumpy and annoying brat, no thanks.
He crouched under one of the engines, frowning at the traces of molten metal from the dragon attacks. There were some clear scratch marks on various parts of the vehicle, clearly torn off pieces that would take more than a few days to restore. However, he couldn't help but marvel at the advanced technology. It was always an astonishment to him to run into the great barrier of advancement that stood between Ninjago and the Administration. Even though several months had passed, he was still processing how different this place was. How things had changed. The fragments that were missing in his mind, like a blank wall that he could only fill with those broken and broken sentences.
His hand brushed carefully against his toolbox, they were weirder and more advanced than he was used to. His parents would have loved to work on this.
His fingertips burned with that annoying sensation. That thing, that parasite. He clenched his fist tightly and slowed the beat back. Like the memories, the few that he still had.
"Do not think about that." It was repeated several times as he forced himself to just focus on fixing the vehicle. That was what mattered, the task of the moment. And then he would focus on the next one and then the next one. Turning off those annoying images and those stupid voices that appeared behind his eyelids.
He began to weld the pieces of metal with a frown and biting his tongue to contain the sparks that wanted to fly impulsively. The girl stayed a few meters away. Sitting with her arms crossed and huffing and puffing every few minutes. To her credit, she stayed quiet and still for quite some time considering there really wasn't much to do in the workshop.
Just as Jay was busy going through some of the engines worth salvaging, she spoke up.
"You're not from here." She stated confidently suddenly as she looked at him from under her disheveled bangs. "You are from one of those other kingdoms."
Jay blinked in her direction somewhat startled. He bent to grab a discarded rag as he wiped his hands.
"And why do you say that?" he asked genuinely curious as he tried to scrape the engine grease off his skin.
"You have a strange accent." she muttered narrowing her eyes in his direction. "And no one in the Administration has that stupid hair color."
Jay narrowed his eyes at her as he put a hand on his hip, ignoring the fact that he was soiling his uniform more than it should.
"Well, at least my hair isn't a rat's nest." He said irritaded, even though a part of him was well aware that he was old enough not to be teasing small children. She snorted childishly as she muttered something that sounded too much like "clown hair", but Jay chose to ignore her as he went back to work. The sooner it was over, the better. "What did you do to get sent here anyway? Aren't you too young to enlist in the agency?"
"I am 10, almost 11." she complained exasperated. And while Jay didn't really know anything about little kids (in his defense, he literally grew up in a desert), he was damn sure she was too skinny for that age. She barely looked 9 with how short and skinny she was. "Also, it's not like we get to choose which tasks to help out with. They do it to punish us."
"Punish you?" he exclaimed making a face. "And what did you do to get punished?"
She seemed startled by the question, looking up at him quickly as her hands balled into fists at her sides. Her eyes drifted to her own knuckles for an instant, her mouth moving with the murmur of unspoken words.
"Uh... For escaping." She responded with some uncertainty as she dodged to make eye contact with him, her eyes clouding over for a split second that seemed almost unreal. And she must have been really bored, because she took a few steps to crouch down beside him as she examined the tools. "It's the first time they enlisted me in the workshop anyway. I didn't know that you were in charge of technology and stuff."
Jay looked at her carefully, before going back to his business with a low sigh.
"Most agents don't, really. But after the Merge they've been short of a lot of people to help them with this so whenever I have time, they usually ask me to take care of this." He commented exhaustedly. Most of the essential parts of the engine were not worth salvaging so he would have to order replacements.
"What are you? Some kind of mechanic?" she asked curiously.
He gave a smug throat clearing with a half-smile.
"Something like that, I used to make some inventions."
"At clown school?" she pushed smiling.
Jay glared at her, opened her mouth to reply, but closed it quickly. This was going to be very long.
"If you want to help, hand me that mounting lever, I'll try to disassemble this junk." He growled as he pointed to the toolbox.
She carried out his order much easier than he thought.
"I'm Kaida, by the way."
"Didn't ask." he hissed.
"Jerk." She snorted trying to lower her voice enough so he wouldn't hear her. Jay definitely heard her though, but he chose to ignore her as he hurried to continue his work.
Surprisingly, they finished the afternoon without any further problems. Other than a quip here and there, she seemed willing to help and even listen when Jay took the time to teach her the names of the tools he did recognize.
"You're the first to have no complaints with her." The guard mused when he came looking for her at sunset.
Jay didn't know what to say to that. He didn't want to ask what the complaints were, or why anyone would even seek to punish a girl who only acted her age. He watched as she waved goodbye to him over his shoulder. More surprised by the act than anything else, he returned the gesture in silence before leaving.
At sunset, Jay went to his small apartment and locked himself in his room without bothering to eat.
Instead, he grabbed a single of the sweets he had saved and ate it with scattered sighs as he stared at that medallion that had somehow saved itself from himself.
He stared at it without blinking until his eyes burned, and the candy did nothing to dull the bitter sensation in his mouth. Through clenched teeth he muttered a muffled curse as he decided to go to bed early. His hand never loosened its grip on the damn thing and he tried unsuccessfully to memorize all the building tips his father had given him since he was little.
Fatigue managed to pull him down, and he resigned himself to the few hours of sleep he had left.
In front of his eyes, everything flickered and seemed to break at the slightest touch.
She is still there, always in front of him, speaking without a voice. His dark hair loose against a wind that was blowing him back.
He extended a hand forward. His mouth opening in a gasp as he tried to move forward, but his feet wouldn't move.
She smiled, but was still out of reach. She spoke to him, but no words reached his ears. Just a whisper trying to rise above the clicks, static filling his head and making him dizzy. Everything was very blue, a brilliant white that pierced his eyes. It was all too bright and painful, but she kept standing in that void like it didn't matter. As if nothing mattered, even though he didn't know who she was, he didn't know what she was doing there, he didn't know why seeing her left him with such a devastating feeling, he didn't know where she was, and all he knew was that he wanted to go home.
But that desire is only as useful as him trying to get closer to her.
Everything was out of his control.