Three months had passed since the harrowing events at Mount Weather. The camp was slowly rebuilding, both physically and emotionally. Clarke had left months ago, refusing to come to terms with what she had to do at Mount Weather in order to protect our people. For me, the recovery process had been long and painful. The wounds from the bone marrow extraction had healed, leaving behind a web of scars across my body. But the mental scars ran deeper. Nightmares plagued my sleep, filled with the whirring of drills and agonizing pain. More than once, I had woken up screaming, drenched in sweat. Each time, Bellamy was there, holding me close and murmuring words of comfort until the tremors subsided. Physically, I was regaining my strength.
Daily walks around the camp had gradually increased in length and intensity. Bellamy was always by my side, ready to offer support if I faltered. Today, I was watching Lincoln and Bellamy spar in the makeshift gym inside the ark. A group of people stood off to the side, watching and taking notes on their techniques. I stood off the side, my eyes fixated on the way Bellamy's body moved. He had been denying me sex for the past three months, claiming that I wasn't healed enough. Each day without him inside me, made the desire and lust for him grow stronger and stronger. As I watched Bellamy and Lincoln spar, I couldn't help but admire the fluidity of Bellamy's movements. His muscles rippled as he dodged Lincoln's attacks, his face set in intense concentration. A bead of sweat trickled down his neck, and I found myself following its path with my eyes, remembering how it felt to trace that same path with my lips.
The past three months of abstinence had been torture. I understood Bellamy's concerns about my recovery, but my body ached for his touch. Every brush of his hand, every lingering glance, sent sparks of desire through me. Lincoln managed to sweep Bellamy's legs out from under him, pinning him to the mat. For a moment, I imagined myself in Lincoln's place, straddling Bellamy's hips, feeling his strong body beneath mine. Heat pooled in my core as Lincoln stood up and turned to the group, allowing Bellamy to climb to his feet.
"He had me, but he was too aggressive." Lincoln told everyone.
"Whatever you say." Bellamy smirked at him as he walked over to the bench to put his shirt on and jacket. The crowd chuckled as Lincoln turned back to Bellamy.
"Quitting so soon?"
"Mapping run. Sector seven. Harper, let's get this over with." Harper tossed a small duffel bag to Lincoln and he pulled out an Ark's guard uniform jacket. He stared at it speechless. "The council wants you to have that."
"I'm Trikru."
"A uniform doesn't change that. This is our home now, Lincoln. We fought for it. Too many of our friends died for it. On the ark, the uniform meant something different. Down here, it means what we make it mean. Together. My sister will understand that eventually."
"Pair up and fight. Now." I walked over to Bellamy's side, taking him in with lustful eyes but before I could say anything, Lincoln stepped forward. I had to bite back a sigh of annoyance. "Sector seven? That puts you right at the Ice Nation border."
"I know."
"Just because Azgeda is part of the commander's coalition doesn't mean they respect the ceasefire. I should be on that scout."
"I wish. We all do. But until the commander agrees to lift the kill order on you, you're more trouble than you're worth." I followed Bellamy out of the room, leaving Lincoln to teach the others how to fight. As we walked down the hallway, I couldn't stop myself from continuing to look at Bellamy from head to toe. "Stop looking at me like that, Songbird." I looked ahead, my cheeks flushing.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Bellamy stopped walking and looked around to see if there were anyone else in the hallway. When he saw that the coast was clear, he gently walked me backwards until my back was flush with the wall, leaning closely into me. He gazed down at me with a heated look.
"You keep looking at me like you're undressing me with your eyes."
"Uh, because I am." I slid my hands under his shirt, groaning at the feel of his muscles and abs contracting under my touch. He groaned at my touch, leaning down to press his forehead against mine. His breath was hot against my face. "Come on, Bellamy. You haven't touched me in months."
"I have to." I scoffed at him.
"You know what I mean, Bellamy." He sighed heavily.
"You're still healing, Juliett. I don't want to push you when you're ready. I don't want to hurt you." I hooked my fingers in his waistband and yanked his hips forward. He shot a hand out to press against the wall behind me to balance himself.
"Trust me, I am ready, Bellamy. I am fine." Bellamy closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as I felt his growing erection against my abdomen. "Are you tired of me? Do you not want to have sex with me anymore?" Bellamy growled lowly and possessively before quickly bending further down to kiss me harshly. Bellamy's lips crashed against mine with an intensity that took my breath away. His body pressed me firmly against the wall, one hand tangling in my hair while the other gripped my hip possessively. I moaned into the kiss, my body arching into his touch.
"Don't ever think that," Bellamy growled against my lips. "I want you so badly it hurts. Every day, every moment, I have to hold myself back from taking you." His words sent a shiver of desire through me. I nipped at his lower lip, eliciting a groan from him.
"Then don't hold back," I whispered. "I'm not made of glass, Bellamy. I need you." For a moment, I thought he might give in. His eyes were dark with desire, his breathing ragged. But then he took a deep breath, stepping back slightly.
"No. You need more time to heal. Come on. We have to talk to Kane before I head out to sector seven." Bellamy's sudden withdrawal left me feeling cold and frustrated. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
"Fine," I said, unable to keep the disappointment from my voice. "Let's go talk to Kane." As we walked to Kane's office, I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions - desire, frustration, and a twinge of insecurity. I knew Bellamy cared for me, but his continued reluctance to be intimate was starting to wear on me. We found Kane poring over maps in his makeshift office. He looked up as we entered, a weary smile on his face. He held a finger to his mouth, indicating to us to be quiet. I looked over and saw Abby sleeping on the couch.
"It's the chancellor's first sleep in two days." Marcus whispered to us.
"I'll be quick, then." Bellamy said quietly. "We're going into sector seven. I think we should arm the entire unit." Marcus was quiet as he thought about it for a moment.
"Permission granted. But the rules of engagement still apply. Nonlethal response."
"Copy that." Bellamy turned to begin walking out of the office, but Marcus stopped him.
"Bellamy…" Bellamy turned back around to face him. "There hasn't been an attack since Mount Weather. It's three months. Our people believe that this is real peace. Try not to screw that up."
"Yes, sir." We left the room and begin to head to the bay.
"I'm going with you." I told Bellamy.
"The hell you are."
"Maybe if I go on a mission and show you that I am absolutely fine, you'll finally have sex with me again." Bellamy gave me a side-eyed glance as we continued to walk. "Oh, come on, Bellamy. What do you want me to do to prove that I am fine? A backflip? A cartwheel? You want me to juggle something while standing on one foot?"
"Now that would be a sight to see."
"I'll stay in the rover. It's a mapping run, for God's sake. I won't even need to get out." Bellamy sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. I could see the internal struggle playing out on his face.
"Fine," he said finally. "But you stay in the rover at all times. No exceptions. Understood?" I nodded eagerly, relieved he was finally letting me come along.
"Understood. Thank you, Bellamy." As we made our way to the rover, I could feel excitement bubbling up inside me. It had been months since I'd been outside the camp's walls. The prospect of seeing new terrain, even from inside the rover, was thrilling. Raven was already at the vehicle, making some final checks. She raised an eyebrow when she saw me.
"Look who finally escaped medical prison," she teased as she tossed me a pack. "You sure you're up for this, Jules?"
"More than ready," I said, looking around to see Gina and a group of people unloading their supply run from Mount Weather. "I'll be right back." I made my way over to the back of the truck and looked up at Gina. "Hey, G. Find anything good?"
"Managed to grab some produce and other food. Got some medical supplies for Abby. And Zeke just had to get some of those paintings." I laughed. "I do have something for you." Gina went deeper in the truck before coming back out, handing me my staff and sheath. "I find these and thought you might want them back." I slowly took them from her, twirling my staff in my hand. As I held my staff in my hands again after so long, a mix of emotions washed over me. The familiar weight was comforting, yet it also brought back flashes of Mount Weather - the fights, the fear, the pain. I took a deep breath, pushing those memories aside.
"Thank you, Gina," I said sincerely. "I've missed this." Gina smiled warmly.
"I thought you might. It's good to see you up and about, Jules. You had us all worried for a while there." I nodded, strapping the sheath to my back.
"I'm just glad to finally be getting out of camp, even if it's just a mapping run."
"Be careful out there," Gina said, her expression turning serious. "Things have been quiet, but you never know."
"We will be," I assured her. Before I could turn to leave, something in the truck caught my eyes. I took a step forward examining a yellow covered book among a stack of other books. "What's that?" I pointed to it and Gina grabbed it for me and handed it to me.
"We grabbed some books too." I took the book from her, running my fingers over the cover. The Iliad by Homer. Greek mythology. Bellamy had told me that his mother would read him Greek mythology and legends to him all the time and later on, he read them to Octavia. As I held the book in my hands, a small smile tugged at my lips. I could almost picture a young Bellamy, eyes wide with wonder as his mother read him tales of gods and heroes.
"Mind if I borrow this?" I asked Gina. She nodded, smiling.
"Of course. Take it." I tucked the book into my pack, already looking forward to sharing it with Bellamy. Thank Gina once more, I headed back over to the rover where Bellamy was doing final checks.
"All set?" He asked, eyeing my staff as I tucked it back in its sheath. I nodded.
"Ready when you are." I said. Raven climbed into the driver's seat and I took the passenger seat as Bellamy, Monty, Miller and Jasper climbed in the back. The bay doors open and Octavia appeared on her horse. "Oh, I am so riding with her." I quickly climbed out of the rover and ran over to Octavia, a slight twinge in my left hip.
"Juliett!" Bellamy called after me.
"I'm fine, Bellamy!" I looked up at Octavia. "He can be a little overprotective, can't he, Tav?"
"You have no idea, Jules." Octavia chuckled. "I think a little is an understatement." I laughed as she held out an arm and helped me up to take a seat behind her on the horse. Once I settled, Octavia turned back to the others in the rover. "Try and keep up." I let out a soulful laugh as Octavia turned her horse around and ran out of the gate with the rover behind us. As Octavia's horse galloped out of the camp, I felt a rush of exhilaration. The wind whipped through my hair, and for the first time in months, I felt truly alive. I wrapped my arms tightly around Octavia's waist, grinning as we raced ahead of the rover. "How are you feeling?" Octavia called back to me over the sound of hoofbeats.
"Amazing!" I shouted back. "I've missed this so much." Octavia laughed, urging the horse to go faster.
"Just don't tell my brother I'm pushing you too hard. He'll have my head." I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see it.
"Bellamy needs to realize I'm not made of glass. I'm healing, but I'm not broken." "He's just worried about you," Octavia said. We ran through an open field, the rover driving right alongside us. Jasper stood up through the hatch of the rover, hooting and hollering. I laughed as Jasper cheered from the rover. It felt good to see him in high spirits again after everything we'd been through. As we raced across the open field, I took in the beauty of our surroundings - the tall grass waving in the breeze, the trees in the distance. For a moment, I could almost forget the dangers that still lurked out here.
"So how are things with you and Lincoln?" I asked Octavia, raising my voice to be heard over the wind and hoofbeats.
"Complicated," she replied. "He wants to join the guard, become part of Arkadia. But I'm not sure that's the right path for either of us." I nodded, understanding her conflicted feelings. "And what do you want?" Octavia was quiet for a moment before answering. "I want to find a way to bridge both worlds. How are things with you and my brother?" I hesitated before answering Octavia's question about Bellamy.
"It's... complicated too," I admitted. "He's been so protective since Mount Weather. Almost too protective."
"You mean he's being an overprotective ass," Octavia said bluntly. I laughed.
"Something like that. I know he means well, but..."
"But you're going stir-crazy and he won't let you do anything," Octavia finished for me.
"Exactly," I sighed. "I love him, but I need him to see that I'm healing. That I'm still me." Octavia was quiet for a moment.
"He almost lost you, Jules. We all did. Give him time."
"We haven't had sex in three months." My cheeks heated in embarrassment as I realized who I just made the confession to. "Sorry, too much information. I know he's your brother. I'm just frustrated." Octavia laughed, shaking her head.
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you two finally got your heads out of your asses and admitted your feelings for each other." She paused, then added more seriously, "But I get it. Bellamy's always been overprotective, especially with the people he loves most. Just... be patient with him. He'll come around." I nodded, even though Octavia couldn't see me.
"I hope so." We rode in companionable silence for a while, enjoying the freedom of being outside the camp walls. As we approached the edge of a forested area, The rover began to slow down to a stop. Octavia turned her horse around and stared back at them. "What's going on?"
"I don't know." Octavia trotted the horse to the back of the rover and got off to open the back hatch. "Don't tell me we missed the party."
"Sector eight." Monty was saying as he read the radar on the dash.
"That's Ice Nation." Miller stated.
"What about it?" Octavia inquired.
"Protocol says we go home." Raven said. "Let the chancellor decide what to do next."
"Screw protocol." Bellamy said. "The chancellor's not from farm station. Monty is. So is Miller's boyfriend. It's your call."
"Let's do this." Monty agreed as he looked at Miller.
"You have to ask?" Miller chuckled. Bellamy looked out the door to me.
"Juliett?" He called to me.
"Before you ask, I'm fine!" I answered his unasked question. He looked back to his little sister.
"Try to keep up." Octavia shut the back door and climbed back on her horse in front of me and took off after the rover. As we rode deeper into Ice Nation territory, the landscape began to change. The lush forests gave way to sparser vegetation, and a chill crept into the air. I shivered slightly, grateful for Octavia's warmth in front of me.
"You okay back there?" Octavia called over her shoulder.
"I'm fine," I assured her, tightening my grip around her waist. "Just a bit colder than I expected." We followed the rover as it wound its way through increasingly rugged terrain. The excitement of being outside the camp was slowly being replaced by a growing sense of unease. We were venturing into unknown territory, and the stories I'd heard about Ice Nation weren't reassuring. Suddenly, the rover came to an abrupt halt. Octavia reined in her horse, and we watched as Bellamy and the others quickly exited the vehicle, weapons at the ready. Octavia and I climbed off her horse and she tied him to a tree. I pulled out my staff as we joined the others.
"These woods must be the border." Bellamy said.
"So, where's all the ice?" Jasper asked.
"Much further north." Octavia explained. ""Azgeda stretches for a thousand miles."
"Good thing we only have to go two hundred meters." Monty said, reading the beacon signal on the monitor.
"Remember, rules of engagement are nonlethal force." Bellamy reminded everyone. "Tight formation on my command. Raven, Juliett, you stay in the rover."
"Yeah, right." Raven scoffed at him.
"Bellamy…" I tried to argue with him but he cut me off with a sharp look.
"Songbird, you promised me." Bellamy said lowly. I groaned and turned to go stand by the rover. I gave Octavia a look as I passed her, silently telling her that this is what I was talking about.
"We need every gun we've got." Octavia tried to reason with her older brother.
"Good thing she doesn't have a gun. She has a staff."
"They're coming." Monty said. "One hundred twenty meters… one hundred ten." A man was speaking Trigedasleng in the distance. Bellamy raised his gun. "They're our people. What are you—"
"We hope they're our people." Everyone spread out, raising their guns. "On my command." Three grounders on white horses appeared out of the trees, their faces covered in white paint. Ice nation?"
"Yes." Octavia confirmed. "White war paint. Stay calm." Octavia raised her hands peacefully, stepping forward to speak to the grounders as they stopped in front of her.
"Who are you?" One of the grounders asked Octavia in Trigedasleng. Lincoln and Octavia had been teaching me the language during my time healing.
"Skaikru." Octavia replied back in their language. "Looking for our people."
"Looking for Wanheda." The second grounder said. I furrowed my brows in confusion at the name.
"They think we're looking for Wanheda."
"Who's that?" Bellamy whispered.
"I don't know." The first grounder got off his horse and my eyes dropped to his belt at the sight of a red blinking light.
"The light." Monty said quietly. "That's the beacon." Jasper walked forward past Octavia and headed to the grounder. Octavia tried to pull him back but he shrugged her off him. The other two grounders raised their bows and aimed arrows at Jasper but losing the love of his life at Mount Weather had made him dangerously reckless and unreasonably fearless.
"I got this." Jasper said as stepped up to the grounder and yanked the beacon from his belt. I held my breath.
"Tell them we observe the commander's truce. Now." Bellamy ordered Octavia. Octavia quickly relayed the message in Trigedasleng. As Jasper tried to walk away, the grounder grabbed him and pulled him back to hold a knife to his throat.
"Where's Wanheda?" The grounder snarled.
"We don't know who that is!" Octavia tried to tell him. "Please. We can help each other." Jasper began to laugh hysterically and the grounder looked at him.
"You think this is funny?" The grounder slowly started to slit Jasper's throat. Raven and Miller quickly shot the other two grounders on the horses. When the first grounder let go of Jasper, Octavia grabbed her sword and flung it into his chest with deadly accuracy.
"Rover one, come in." Marcus's voice came in over the radio. "Repeat, rover one, come in."
"What now?" I breathed as I opened the rover and grabbed the radio.
"Bellamy, where are you?"
"This is Juliett." I answered. "What's wrong?"
"Where are you?"
"Sector eight, we had to shoot three Ice Nation scouts. Where are you?"
"Sector four. Get here as soon as you can."
"Copy. What's going on?"
"When you get here."
"Why's Kane so far outside the wall?" Raven inquired as Bellamy turned to the others.
"Take him home." Bellamy ordered, glaring at Jasper.
"I'm fine." Jasper retorted as Octavia wrapped his neck. "Thank you for asking."
"Miller."
"Yeah?" Miller responded.
"Get one of their horses. Raven, since you can't ride, you're on the back. Monty, you're with me. Juliett, grab another horse. You're going back to camp."
"Bellamy…" I began to say but he cut me off once more.
"This isn't up for discussion, Juliett. I agreed to let you go for a mapping run, but this turned into something more. You're going home. End of discussion." I couldn't help but feel a pang of rejection in my chest as he turned away from me and climbed into the rover with Monty. As Bellamy drove away with Monty, leaving me behind, I felt a mix of anger and hurt rising in my chest. I understood his concern, but his overprotectiveness was becoming suffocating.
"Come on," Octavia said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Let's get you on that horse." I nodded, swallowing my frustration as I mounted one of the Ice Nation horses. As we began the journey back to Arkadia, my mind raced. I knew Bellamy cared, but his actions were starting to feel less like protection and more like a lack of trust in my abilities. The ride back was mostly silent, each of us lost in our own thoughts. When we finally arrived at the gates of Arkadia, I dismounted, wincing slightly as my still-healing body protested the movement. Abby came rushing out to help Jasper and Raven. "You okay?" Octavia asked, concern evident in her voice.
"I'm fine," I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. "Just sore from the ride." Octavia gave me a knowing look.
"It's not just the ride bothering you, is it?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair.
"Am I that obvious?"
"Only to someone who knows you," she replied with a small smile. "Want to talk about it?" I hesitated for a moment before nodding.
"Yeah, I think I do. But not here. Spar with me?" Octavia nodded and gestured for me to lead the way after tying the horses up. I was grateful to find the gym empty. I unstrapped my sheath from my back, sliding my staff out before shrugging my jacket off. The cool air brought goosebumps to my skin on my bare arms, but I knew with Octavia I would be sweating soon. I twirled my staff in my hand absent mindedly as Octavia and I took our places on the mat. She had pulled her own staff off the wall, discarding her other weapons on the side. As Octavia and I faced each other on the mat, I felt a mix of anticipation and nervousness. It had been months since I'd sparred with anyone, and I wasn't sure how my body would hold up. But I needed this - needed to prove to myself, and everyone else, that I was still capable.
"Ready?" Octavia asked, twirling her staff with practiced ease. I nodded, settling into a defensive stance.
"Ready. Don't hold back."
"You sure about that?"
"Positive. I need this." Octavia didn't hesitate, launching into an attack with fluid grace. I barely managed to block her first strike, the impact jarring my arms. But as we continued to exchange blows, I felt my muscle memory kicking in. My body remembered the movements, even if it was a bit slower to respond than before. With each movement, I felt my frustration and pent up energy releasing. As we sparred, Octavia spoke between strikes.
"So, want to tell me what's really bothering you about my brother?" I ducked under her staff, aiming a sweep at her legs that she nimbly dodged.