Chapter 60

Like crazy

Law stayed in his submarine for a long time, staring at the empty space where the figure of the other captain had stood. He had quickly gotten rid of the panicked seagull and teleported it against a pebble, but he was still having trouble catching his breath after several minutes. Yet he was no longer facing the intense gaze of the straw hat boy and it had relieved the pressure. Then his explosion of fury had turned into bitter anger. The surgeon knew that he had acted impulsively, but he did not regret it. He did not believe for a second that Luffy would die because he had been thrown into the ocean. Life had many other plans for him and that was one more reason for Law to leave him to his destiny and return to his own.

His fury had also helped him put things right and he now had clearer ideas. The surgeon gritted his teeth. The realization was painful and it was probably why he had taken so long to accept it, letting it fester and swell as anger. It was so unfair. He had tried to take a different path but he was facing the same wall. He had given an impossible challenge to the straw hat boy. He had relied on him to pulverize the barriers that the world had built around him and Luffy had tackled it as he always did: with determination and brilliantly. He had almost managed to make Law surrender.

And how much Law had wanted to surrender too. Destroy his mental prison, free himself from his limits and live fully. As he had told the other captain in the swirling snow, he didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted to enjoy what life could offer, what Luffy offered him. He had started to dream because he had been blinded by his feelings. The straw hat boy was undoubtedly a miracle worker but Law had realized the path he was taking when he had faced Luffy's implacable gaze in the Sunny's infirmary.

At that moment, the surgeon had seen the extent of what he was about to hold in his hands. The whirlwind of a passion that neither he nor the other captain would resist. In its wake, he had perceived the magnitude of what he was going to destroy at the same time. Luffy. He was going to destroy Luffy by becoming attached to him and he would destroy himself at the same time as he would hurt him because Luffy would be incapable of giving up and bringing himself to accept it. He would persist until the end, until he died.

Law had probably always known. He had simply closed his eyes and hoped for a different outcome. He had had a crazy hope. He had told himself that maybe, Luffy could force destiny but he had forgotten that it was not about Luffy's destiny. It was about his destiny. And at that moment when the straw hat boy had confronted him directly, his anger had exploded because he could no longer ignore reality. Now, he only needed to act accordingly.

Law left his toolbox in the navigation room and simply grabbed his nodachi to step out into the open air. The heat and his movements had caused his bandages to slip and he could now feel the skin on his back rubbing against his clothes uncomfortably. Since his crewmates had shown their purchases to the Straw Hat doctor and had not returned by the submarine, he had no choice but to go to the Sunny to get them.

Outside, the surgeon immediately saw the crowd between his submarine and the other crew's ship. The sand sloped down to the sea over there and his own crewmates, like those of the Straw Hat boy, were crowding the place, their eyes fixed on the ocean. Law decided to walk past them without stopping. He may have interrupted their party but he wasn't worried. As soon as Luffy came out of the water, they would get back to it right away.

The sharp gaze of the first mate of the Straw Hat Pirates did not take long to spot him as he walked not far from them and with it, that of all the people gathered. Instinctively, Law tightened his grip on his nodachi. It was not because he had come to terms with the situation that he wanted to discuss it with anyone.

"Mind telling us what the hell you're doing, Trafalgar?" The swordsman asked when the surgeon pretended to ignore him.

"I don't have to answer, but if you want to know, I'll get the medical supplies that my crew brought back and left on your ship," he replied, continuing to move forward.

"Are you injured, Captain?" Penguin asked worriedly.

"Did you fight with Luffy?" Chopper got alarmed.

Law just shook his head, continuing to walk. "I only need to change my bandages. Straw Hat-ya and I didn't fight."

"What the hell is he doing at the bottom of the ocean then?" The swordsman's voice snapped again. "You got an explanation?"

This time, Law stopped to stare at him. His resentment was still boiling in his veins and if he had to take his anger out on someone, the Straw Hat's first mate would be perfect. Zoro's power was well known, but the surgeon of death was not to be underestimated either.

"A disagreement that we needed to settle for a while and it's done now," he replied, staring him straight in the eye.

"Did Straw Hat break something in the submarine?" Shachi grimaced.

"He did not."

"Maybe there was a misunderstanding," Penguin said, uncomfortable with the tense glances between his captain and the first mate of the other crew.

"Luffy may be hyperactive but that's no reason to drown him," Nami retorted dryly. "You could have sent him to the beach or even to the Sunny," she added to the surgeon.

Law rolled his eyes but kept his gaze fixed on the swordsman. "Relax, Straw Hat-ya will be fine. How many times has he ended up in the water since you've known him? And yet, he's still here."

"Still, if Usopp hadn't used his binoculars at that moment, we'd have probably missed him," Franky pointed out, frowning.

"What happened?" Jinbei asked.

"Captain?"

Law flinched when he heard his navigator's voice. Like the rest of the crowd, Bepo was waiting for an explanation that his captain didn't want to give, but Law had a harder time ignoring the requests of his companions. In the end, the doctor's gaze slid from the swordsman to the other members of the Straw Hat crew.

"I have my reasons."

"What kind of reasons?" Sanji insisted.

"None of your business."

Brook took a step in his direction then. "It is true that our captain can be a little hot-headed but it is never his intention to cause the slightest harm to those he respects."

Law frowned and he was about to reply sharply when the little reindeer rushed towards the shore. "Luffy!"

Clearly exhausted, the sniper dragged his captain's body on the beach after having fished him out and Robin's multiple arms helped hoist him completely out of the water. Usopp was panting hard and everyone silently observed the little reindeer examining the straw hat boy. Soon, Luffy began to spit out the water he had swallowed and the faces relaxed.

"All's well that ends well," the surgeon commented coldly. "I have no more reason to undergo this interrogation."

He was about to resume his route towards the Sunny when Zoro put his hand on the hilt of his swords at the same time as his aura spread around him. "You wish, Trafalgar. Our crews may be allies but-

"Z-Zoro, stop." The swordsman turned his head towards his captain and Luffy held his gaze while he painfully caught his breath. "It's between him and me." Zoro studied him for a moment before nodding. He released his grip on his swords and the straw hat boy slowly stood up, leaning against his sniper.

"Luffy, are you sure…" The end of her sentence died on her lips when Nami saw the determination in the straw hat boy's gaze fixed on the surgeon of death. She sighed, already knowing that it was useless to try to dissuade him, even if the Heart crew continued to observe worriedly the two figures that were facing each other. The eyes of their captain fixed on his counterpart were as hard as stone and they were visibly hesitant on what to do.

"It's better to leave them alone," Jinbei said.

The Straw Hat crew didn't take long to agree. Robin, Franky and Brook nodded and turned back towards the Sunny while Nami went to Usopp. He was still out of breath and she helped him go back up the small slope. For his part, Zoro only took one last look at the scene before turning around at the same time as the Fish-Man. The Hearts seemed still reluctant though.

"Captain?" Bepo finally asked hesitantly.

"Go ahead. Staw Hat-ya is right, it's between him and me and he won't be satisfied as long as he has a reason to believe he can change anything."

At these words, the Hearts shared another look before reluctantly turning away, unable to help but frequently turn around in the direction of the two captains who were still silently confronting each other. Finally, the little reindeer straightened up in turn to walk away, reassured by his patient's condition. He walked past Sanji who had not yet moved, his gaze fixed on the surgeon's impassive face. In the end, the cook grabbed a cigarette.

"You should follow your own advice, Trafalgar." The man glanced at him and Sanji lit his cigarette. "Don't make the mistake of seeking refuge in anger."

The Heart captain's eyes narrowed immediately but Sanji had already turned away and Law was alone facing the straw hat boy who was still catching his breath near the ocean. His clothes stuck to his body and his soaked straw hat fell on his shoulders but his eyes had lost none of their determination since the surgeon had seen him in his submarine a few moments earlier and Law prepared to face him once again. Luffy may have been stubborn but the doctor had nothing to envy him because nourishing an obsession with his goal had been an integral part of his daily life for a long time. And today, he had too much to lose if he did not complete his mission.

Silence fell between the two captains and only the sound of the waves gently crashing on the sand could be heard for a long time. They looked at each other without moving and when it became obvious that the surgeon would not speak, Luffy took a step forward. Law instantly tensed up.

"I do not regret what I did."

"I know."

Luffy walked past him without stopping to start climbing the small sand dune and Law felt his shoulders relax. Finally, maybe the other captain had understood that there was no point in persisting.

"I'm not mad at you. I know you're the one who's in pain," the straw hat boy added in an even voice.

Law turned around at those words, his eyes wide. "Wh-What did you say?"

Luffy turned back to him, his clothes still dripping with sea water. "I know that even if you're trying to hurt me, you're actually hurting yourself so I'm not mad at you. When you're ready to say what you really want, I'll listen."

Law stared at him, puzzled, and Luffy simply stared back.

"You talk as if everything can be fixed because you want it, but what I want is not something you can give me." The doctor ended up getting annoyed, "No one can because there are things over which we have no control. Just accept that you won't get what you want this time, Straw Hat-ya. It'll be easier for both of us."

"You asked me to show you what I feel and that's what I did," Luffy replied. "You want it too, so why are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding. What I want and reality are two different things though and I know that better than anyone. This relationship is doomed to failure and even this kind of alliance between our crew is perilous."

"Is that what you want? For us to end the alliance?"

Law took a few moments to think. "If things are easier this way for you…"

"That's not what I asked, Torao, I asked what you want! You say you want it but you don't wanna do it and I don't get it!"

The surgeon looked at the other captain for a second. "I know you tried to do what I asked and you did remarkably well. However, I realized that it doesn't depend on you so just move on with your life and find the One Piece or whatever because you can't give me what I want. It's impossible."

The straw hat boy's gaze hardened at those words. "Of course I can, but if you don't tell me, I can't do it!" Law gave him an even look. He understood the straw hat boy's frustration, but reality was the same. "You can't."

"Until you tell me what it is, you don't know, so say it! Say what you really want!"

The other captain's furious voice echoed on the beach and the surgeon shuddered in spite of himself. He then watched Luffy's figure catch his breath, still weakened by the sea water and his sudden outburst. Law felt his hands tighten on his nodachi. Why couldn't Luffy move on? Did he want to hear it to make fun of him or did he really need to understand that it was a lost cause?

In the end, Law closed his eyes. If that's what it came to for Luffy to realize that this relationship wasn't worth it, he could say it. He hadn't resisted enough the last time he had been in this situation and the thirteen years that had followed had been worse than hell. Today, he wouldn't make the same mistake.

Law opened his eyes again. "Alright. You want to know what I want, Straw Hat-ya? What I wish for and that neither you nor anyone can give me?" Luffy nodded firmly and the surgeon fixed his gaze on him. "I want a guarantee that you will stay alive despite my presence. Most of the people I cared about are dead and I will not let you be the next victim."

Luffy stared at him and Law smiled bitterly.

"I know it's not easy to understand but I just look at the facts. I should have died a long time ago and if I survived, it's always at someone's expense. You have an ambition that pushes you towards an amazing destiny where you already risk your life at every moment and mine brings death to many of those who cross my path. I don't know if it's because of the Will of D but I don't want to take any risks. I don't want to jeopardize your chances. I'd rather give up on this relationship, as tempting as it is, rather than have your death on my conscience. I won't bear it."

Law shuddered. Putting into words what had never stopped haunting him brought back emotions he had kept locked away for too long. The tragedy of Flevance. The loss of his parents and sister, of everyone he had ever known. The loneliness and the rejection. The anger that had driven him to want to destroy everything. And then, the hope when Corazon had appeared, fighting his way through Law's blows and rage until fate struck again, sparing him as his savior died. Letting survivor's guilt consume him once more.

Law suspected that fate tied to the Will of D had something to do with it, but since he couldn't control it, he feared it. Every time, someone was there to prolong his life to the detriment of his own and the doctor didn't want this life but he didn't know how to escape it. He simply wanted to try not to lengthen the list of people who sacrificed themselves for him without him even knowing for what purpose. Why was he still alive today? Apart from seeking his revenge and figuring out the mystery of the Will of D, he didn't understand what his place was on the great chessboard that was life.

After a few moments of silence, Law looked away. "Now you understand why it's better for you and me to lead our lives separately…"

"Torao, I'm not gonna die."

The doctor looked up, dumbfounded. "Are you serious? Everyone dies, Straw Hat-ya!"

"I'm telling you I'm not gonna die, I promise."

Luffy walked towards him again and Law stared at him as he approached, stunned. Finally, Luffy stopped a few steps away and their eyes met as the natural slope of the beach placed the straw hat boy a little higher. Law swallowed, unable to understand the logic of the captain facing him.

"You're crazy," he finally breathed.

Luffy shook his head. "I won't die."

"You can't-

"Do you know when we die?" Law stared at him even more and Luffy stared straight into his eyes. "We die when no one remembers us anymore, so if I do something that you can remember for the rest of your life, I won't die. You just need to tell me what you want me to do!"

Law felt a shock tighten his throat under a wave of emotions and he gazed at the face shining with determination of the straw hat boy who was beaming. Luffy offered him a huge smile and Law felt his heart crack.

"Don't forget me, Torao. If you don't forget me, I'll never die!"

The surgeon's nodachi fell into the sand when it escaped him and Luffy suddenly grabbed his hand. Law then noticed that it was shaking and his throat tightened even more when he saw the inks tattooed on his fingers. DEATH. He had engraved his destiny on his skin without even knowing it at the time and today, he wore it like a curse.

"Law."

The surgeon looked up and Luffy's clear gaze took his breath away.

"I won't forget you. No matter what happens and as long as I live, you won't die because you'll always be with me."

Law felt his eyes mist up as Luffy's hand covered the letters on his own, erasing and replacing them with the warmth he constantly radiated. The surgeon may have represented death to those who accompanied him, but Luffy undeniably represented life. And didn't the sun always end up chasing away the darkness?

"Straw Hat-ya, I…"

Suddenly, Law had a strangled laugh and Luffy stared at him, puzzled. Everything was so simple in the straw hat boy's mind and the surgeon's laughter was soon tinged with tears as he realized the impact of his last words. Law began to suffocate and he tried to hide behind his hands but the emotion was too strong. These words, he felt like he had been waiting for them his whole life.

Luffy had turned his world upside down as he had done so many times before by saving entire countries from annihilation, giving hope to those he met and pushing them to take charge of themselves to change their future. And Law was suffocating because he finally felt like he was finding meaning. He realized that as long as he lived, his parents, his sister, Corazon and all those he had lost would continue to exist.

He was in pain because he had outlived them, but at least he was still here to remember them and keep their memories alive, to pursue their ambitions and testify to their hopes. Maybe he was still alive to bring their voice in response to oppression they had not been able to fight. Maybe Law was their voice. Maybe he was supposed to have survived to see the accession of a new Pirate King and the era he would bring through him. Maybe this was the destiny that life had reserved for him. To contribute to the birth of another world. Maybe his mission was to participate in reversing the established roles to draw new ones alongside the straw hat boy.

"Torao, you okay?"

Law looked up at the figure of the other captain who was examining him worriedly.

"You said you would do what I wanted so that I could remember you," the surgeon whispered in a raspy voice, "Would you do it now?"

Luffy nodded firmly. "Whatever you want."

Law took a short breath, his gaze fixed on him. "Kiss me."

Luffy's eyes widened for a second but he didn't hesitate. He leaned towards the surgeon and they met halfway, their lips crushing violently when Law took the straw hat boy's face in his hands. The Heart captain trembled. He didn't know if the taste of salt on his lips came from the sea or his own tears but as he realized the indelible imprint Luffy was leaving on his heart, he felt them rolling down his cheeks again and he closed his eyes a little tighter.

"You're crazy…"

Luffy frowned while they kissed and he tried to pull away to answer but Law's hand in his wet hair dissuaded him when it deepened their embrace. The straw hat boy felt his body ignite and he firmly pulled the surgeon's face against his own in turn. Maybe he was crazy, he didn't know, and it didn't matter much anyway. What he was certain of was that he loved Law. Like crazy.

Well, this is it.

I hope you liked it.