Chapter 2

An hour later I awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright with my heart pounding in my chest as Frankie's wordless scream echoed in my ears. I glanced wildly around, confused by my surroundings as I clawed my way back to reality from the chilling dream I'd been having. I struggled to my feet, pausing as my head spun in protest to the swift postural change, and gripped the back of the couch when I almost fell back down onto it.

"Woah, easy," Bobby murmured, hurrying over from the table where he'd been sitting with a file and a notepad open in front of him. He tried to hold me steady, his strong hands circling my biceps loosely to ensure I didn't fall, but I shrugged him off, staggering back away. I couldn't handle that touch. I couldn't handle the vivid memories of what had come after a firmer version of that hold.

"You're okay," he soothed instead, watching me warily as he kept his hands to himself. "Everything's okay."

"Frankie," I gasped, keeping my eyes averted from his face as I strode toward the door. "Where is she? I… she…"

"She squealed because Lester just came up to announce the party is about to start so anyone who's not rostered on to monitor the security feeds can make their way down to the conference room on level two," Bobby explained, trailing close behind me but being careful not to touch. "She's safe, I promise you."

I shook my head, picking up speed to reach my little girl. "Need to make sure," I murmured urgently more to myself than anything else. It was all I could do not to just call her name across the office. I wanted to hear her respond, to gauge her wellbeing by the tone of her voice as she called back to me - if she called back to me - and hopefully push down some of the panic rising in my chest making it hard to breathe. But I also didn't want to freak the guys out anymore than they probably already were between my reactions to Zip and Bobby, and now this.

When I finally reached the area by the elevator that was free of cubicles long moments later, it was to find Frankie wrapped securely in Lester's arms while she babbled happily to him. They were both grinning as she gestured wildly with her story, and I came to an abrupt halt as Lester's attention shifted past the paper she was waving around and landed on me.

"Hey Beautiful!" he enthused either oblivious to, or deliberately not drawing attention to my obviously panicked state - my bets were on the latter option - as I surged forward again. "We were just about to come find you, weren't we, Princess?" He directed the last part to my daughter who preened at the use of his pet name for her.

"It's pawty time, Mama!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

I sucked in a breath and forced an enthusiastic smile. "Party time? Awesome!" I held out my arms and she thankfully allowed me to take her from one of her favourite uncles so I could hug her to my chest and assure myself that she really was okay. "When was the last time you went potty? Should we go again before we make our way down to the party?"

I was already headed for the nearby bathroom before I finished asking the question, so her assertions that she didn't need to pee were met with a reply that I did need to pee (not a lie for once) and that she was going to try. Because while she generally had good bladder control for her age, I didn't trust her judgement when she was as excited as she was right now. Plus I just needed a few moments out of the view of the watchful Merry Men and this was the best excuse I could think of in my current state.

While Frankie sang Twinkle Twinkle inside the cubicle, I splashed some water on my face and took some deep breaths to calm down. Ranger needed to get back soon, because I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep warding off his men before I broke down completely. I didn't want to do that in the middle of the company Christmas party, one of the only times they all allowed themselves to let loose, but I also didn't think I could make it to the end of the party intact with the way the anxiety in my gut was pressing upwards, making it hard to breathe.

I just needed to talk to Ranger, and then everything would be okay. He'd know exactly what to do.

The tinkle of a successful, if reluctant pee echoed through the restroom and a few moments later I was hoisting my daughter up by the waist so she could reach the tap to wash her hands.

"How many Range-Uncles did you visit?" I asked, handing her back the checklist and the highlighter once she'd dried her hands and disposed of the paper towel on our way to the door. "Can you show me?"

We took a few moments to examine the list together, marking off Lester's name while we were at it, before exiting the bathroom. I felt much calmer than when I'd first woken up, thanks in part to the realisation that Frankie's delighted squeal had worked its way into my nightmare before waking me up. And the time to breathe and connect with my daughter had further reassured me that she was okay.

When we finally emerged, Lester and Bobby were in a hushed, serious looking conversation a few feet away, and the way they broke it off when they spotted me let me know I had definitely been the subject. As much as it had been a decent amount of time since the last time Bobby had had to attend to one of my disasters, the creases in his brow were familiar from the period of my life when they were a weekly - sometimes daily - occurrence. Lester's concerned expression was less familiar though, and I couldn't abide it on his usually happy-go-lucky face.

Thankfully, Bobby must have shared my reluctance to discuss my issues with him, because after a second to recalibrate, his grin returned and he rubbed his hands together. "Ready to party?" he asked.

Frankie let out another squeal, running forward to jump into Lester's arms once more. "Pawty time! Wet's go! Wet's go! Wet's gooooooooo!"

Lester looked to me expectantly, waiting for my permission to follow my daughter's directions. I drew my lips into a smile and gestured toward the elevator. "Let's go!" I repeated.

Ella really outdid herself this year. She liked to make the Rangeman Christmas party special, since there were a handful of men who wouldn't get a chance to travel home to spend any part of the holidays with their families. So on top of the decadent food Ella was known for all year round, she enlisted the help of her husband and Lester to decorate the space better than an expensive hotel. A Christmas tree twinkled in the corner, and garlands draped around the walls. Everything in between was draped in elegant red and green. And Christmas music emitted from speakers near the punch bowl.

Lester set Frankie down just inside the door, watching like the affectionate uncle he was as she took it all in with her childish wonder, eyes bright and every tooth on display as she grinned from ear to ear. I saw the moment she spotted the snack table and knew the question on the tip of her tongue before she even spun to face me.

"Mama, can I have a bwownie?" she requested sweetly.

I simply nodded, and in the next second, she was away, dodging the trunk like legs of the men between her and her desired treat.

Lester followed after her with a casual, "I got her. You relax," tossed over his shoulder, but by the time he caught up to her, Hal was already helping her retrieve the biggest brownie square from the plate.

I ignored Bobby's lingering eyes and entered the throng of men, mingling and catching up with each of them since I'd spent most of the time since I'd arrived inadvertently ignoring them while I napped in the break room. I kept an eye on Frankie as she roved through the crowd, entertaining and being entertained in return.

She was attempting to teach a bemused looking Zero how to do the forward tumble she'd just shown him when a telltale tingle travelled up my spine and settled at the nape of my neck.

Ranger.

I turned to spot him shrugging out of his coat by the door, his eyes glued to me as Lester greeted him with a ballsy slap on the back. Anyone else would have had their arm snapped off before even making contact, but Lester's familial connection to Ranger afforded him certain liberties that not even Ranger could fully explain. They'd grown up together as well as serving side by side in the army, so there were decades of history before Ranger ever became his cousin's boss, and Lester was the kind of guy to force people to stay humble by not letting him forget it.

I excused myself from the group watching Zero struggle under Frankie's tutelage and took three steps toward Ranger before she too noticed his presence, abandoning her student and zooming past my legs. Her curls flew out behind her as a high pitched cry split the quiet between songs: "Uncle Wanger!"

My heart seized, as it always did, with the dull, painful ache of everything that could have been if I'd managed to sort my life out sooner. If we'd both been more upfront with our feelings. To this day, the depth of my love for Ranger far surpassed anything I could have imagined, but the universe had other plans for us. Plans in the form of a stick with two little lines taking away the choice I had agonised over for too long. Because there was no way I could start a life with Ranger knowing I was carrying another man's child. He deserved better than that.

So I'd married Joe. I allowed my mother to plan the wedding, again, and subject me to the whole nine-yards of a traditional Burg wedding. Again. And a few months later Francesca Nicole Plum-Morelli, the light of my life, was born.

"Babe," Ranger greeted, switching his attention from my daughter to me as I approached more slowly. His expression was merry as he shifted Frankie onto his left hip to lift his other arm in invitation, hugging us both in welcome. Even after so many months apart and with the disappointment of my decisions still lingering somewhere deep down in the depths of both our souls, he still felt like home. Safe, warm, supportive.

"Any idea why I had messages from almost every man on shift saying I needed to get back to Haywood ASAP when I emerged from my client meeting?"

A sigh forced its way up out of my lungs, and I once again fought the urge to wrap my arms around my middle at the reminder of the reason I'd come here today, of all that was wrong with my life beyond this building. I had been so desperate to talk to him when I arrived, but now that I was faced with the reality of voicing what I needed to say out loud, I found myself hesitating.

Telling him now would be like a record scratch through the joyous atmosphere of the party. So instead, I did the stupid thing and attempted to lie to him. Ranger. Who had always had the uncanny ability to see through every fib I'd ever uttered. "We were just on a mission to visit all the Range-Uncles for Christmas and the list isn't complete without Uncle Ranger," I explained. "Right Frankie?"

"Uh huh," she agreed, nodding emphatically. "We can't go home 'til we seen them all. And Mama needs to tawk to you. Is impowant, wight Mama?"

I nodded reluctantly. "Right." And in a last ditch effort to distract from the information she'd just spilled once more, I asked, "Should we mark off Uncle Ranger on your checklist and show him how many we have left to go?"

As was typical of my luck lately, the suggestion backfired, because she was no longer in possession of the checklist - a fact I should have realised since she'd gone straight from landing her latest forward tumble, to dashing across the room. "Yeah!" she cried, fairly leaping from Ranger's arms as she called over the music. "Uncle Wester!"

And in the next instant she'd disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone with Ranger whether I liked it or not.

"Babe?"

I sighed again, shaking my head as I allowed the happy facade I'd been wearing since emerging from the bathroom almost an hour ago to drop away. "Not here." Frankie was already on her way back with the list. "Let Frankie show you the checklist and then I'll get Lester or Ella to keep an eye on her while we talk."

He silently agreed, and gave my daughter his undivided attention as she named all the Merry Men on her list and detailed what they had done together this afternoon while I'd been fitfully napping in the break room.

I loved watching Ranger with Frankie. He always put extra effort in for her, dropping his walls to let more of his personality show. Sometimes, I let myself imagine that this is what he would be like all the time at home if things had worked out differently for us. If I hadn't gotten back together with Joe while Ranger was away. If it was Ranger who had gotten me pregnant. I look at Frankie and her anxieties, and picture how much more secure and confident she would feel if she'd grown up with Ranger as a father; with the Merry Men cheering her on at every turn.

I couldn't help but think I did my baby girl a disservice by marrying her father.

In the beginning, despite Joe's feelings toward Ranger and his men, I'd made a point of bringing Frankie around regularly so she could get to know the men who had become like my big brothers (big in size, that is, since a fair few of them were actually younger than me). They all loved her, if the jealousy that led to the checklist was anything to go by, and had each developed a unique bond with my daughter.

When she was a baby and I started working at Rangeman part time, I would bring her in to spend the day in the office while I got work done once a week or a fortnight. As she grew and became more mobile, and harder to contain, though, the visits had to drop back to preserve productivity.

When she started pre-k this year, I thought I would be able to increase my days in the office to fill the time when she would be at school, but Joe had finally put his foot down and forced me to stop altogether. I could have pushed back, of course. I'd done it before. When I first suggested I get a part time job, when I accepted the position at Rangeman, when he said we should have another child.

But this time had been different. It wasn't just the usual yelling and big Italian hand-gestures.

"I'm gonna borrow Mama for a bit, okay?" Ranger was down on one knee with Frankie, putting them at a similar eye level, which was something Joe rarely did with her. But the respect Ranger showed my daughter by taking away the height difference and any power dynamics it might imply just made my chest tighten more with regret. "Will you be okay here at the party?"

The rambunctious energy she'd settled comfortably into since we first arrived fell away in an instant. Her shoulders rose up to her ears as she squeezed her hands together nervously, her eyes darted to me, a flash of something akin to fear in her eyes that I know Ranger couldn't have missed.

"I just need to talk to Uncle Ranger," I reminded her gently. "We won't be long. Do you want to pick a Range-Uncle to be your buddy until we get back?"

"Or Gram-Ella?" Ranger suggested, nodding toward where Ella was restocking one of the platters in an outfit that was very reminiscent of the traditional image of Mrs Claus, with her short, white curls and white-trimmed red dress.

Frankie gnawed on her bottom lip, looking between Ranger and me for several tense seconds. I could tell she was getting tired just by the way her eyes shimmered with unshed tears and she rubbed at them with a balled up fist.

Dropping to my knees beside Ranger, I held out my arms in invitation, folding her into a hug while I took a deep breath, dragging the soft scent of her strawberry shampoo into my lungs for strength. "Mama's okay, sweet girl," I murmured beside her ear, holding her tighter. "Uncle Ranger is going to help, but I need you to be a big, brave girl and stay here at the party while I talk to him, okay? Can you do that for me?"

She didn't reply straight away, her face pressing into my shoulder, but I felt the sharp inhales that jerked her small body against mine. "Are you feeling scared?" I asked quietly, trying and failing to adjust our positions so I could see her face. "Is your tummy bubbly?"

Her face still hidden in my shoulder, she nodded, squeezing me tighter, and I almost missed her muffled words over the cacophony of the party around us. "Don't want Mama to go."

The weight that had been sitting in my stomach all day got heavier, a sick feeling washing through me as my child clung to me. "I won't be gone long, Frankie," I said. "I promise. And there's so many Range-Uncles here for you to hang out with you won't even miss me for a second. You had fun with them all without me this afternoon, right?"

I didn't quite catch her grumbling reply as Ranger laid a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. Thankfully, the constant sizzle of his presence on the back of my neck had made it impossible to forget that he was still there, so I didn't jump out of my skin like I had when Zip and Bobby touched me. I turned my head to see what he wanted, and he held up a small tablet that was currently displaying the feed from the security camera in his office. He raised an eyebrow at me in silent question, and I nodded.

"Can you lift your head for me, brave girl?" I asked Frankie, applying a little pressure to her waist to give the message that I'd like her to step back a little. "Can you show me your pretty face?" When she still hesitated, I added. "Uncle Ranger has something to show you that might help."

This piqued her curiosity enough that she at least shifted her head on my shoulder so she was peering towards Ranger, who had a carefully encouraging expression on his face where I knew he wanted nothing more than to slam down his blank mask on the swirling emotions I sensed more than saw behind his eyes.

"Do you know what this is?" Ranger asked Frankie, holding the tablet towards her, screen blank.

"iPad," she whispered. Her voice was thick, her eyes red rimmed, as I brushed her hair back from her face with one hand while keeping the other securely wrapped around her.

Ranger nodded. "It's my special iPad," he confirmed. "It helps me keep people safe. People like you and Mama. Do you know how?" He paused only a moment for her to shake her head in reply. "It shows me where they are and what they are doing, so I can go help them."

"You help Mama?" she asked.

"He's helped me lots of times," I assured her. "More times than I can count."

She peered at me like she didn't believe me. "A fousand?"

"A million."

Ranger shuffled a little closer on his knees and held the tablet towards Frankie, switching it on to reveal the image of Ranger's office on the screen. "This is my office. See the picture you drew for me on the wall?" He pointed to the tiny square of white on the wall behind his desk with barely visible lines on it. "Mama and I will be right here on the couch. Mama's gonna talk to me and she may have some big emotions and start crying, but she'll be okay, do you understand, Frankie? I would never hurt your Mama. In fact - here, take this." He deposited the tablet in Frankie's hands and reached down to rummage in one of his cargo pockets, pulling out a panic button. "I'm gonna give Mama this button, and if, at any time, she doesn't feel safe, she can hit the button and it will tell every single Range-Uncle to come save her, okay?"

Frankie looked from the tablet to the device, unsure. "Pwomise?" she asked.

"I'll do you one better," Ranger said, handing me the panic button and extending his hand toward Frankie. "I'll pinkie swear."

They looped pinkies and shook on their agreement and then Frankie took a step out of my embrace, holding the iPad in two hands again. She looked from it to the room full of people and asked. "Can I still have a Wange-Uncle?"

"Of course you can!" I assured her. "Who's it gonna be?"

"Uncle Tank, pwease," she said sweetly.

Ranger and I exchanged a glance, one of his eyebrows raised. In my experience, and his too, Frankie had a knack for choosing the Merry Man she needed in the moment, and Tank's size and skill level, along with his long history of service by Ranger's side, made him the only man in the Trenton branch of the company that had a real hope of beating him in a fight. If Frankie hadn't already expressed her apprehension for what might happen to me behind closed doors, her choice of Range-Uncle would have given us a clue.

"Uncle Tank it is," I agreed, as Ranger stood and signalled to his second in command.

They had a brief, quiet exchange before Ranger turned back to Frankie. "You've got the iPad?" She nodded. "You've got Uncle Tank?" Another nod, and he turned his dark assessing eyes to me. "Mama has her panic button?" I followed my daughter's lead and nodded my confirmation. "One more hug?"

Frankie wrapped her arms around my neck tightly, and I reminded her how much I love her as I squeezed back, then I was following Ranger out of the conference room and down the hall to the elevator. He hit the button and the doors instantly pinged open, like magic.

"I can't believe how much Frankie's grown since I last saw her," he remarked in a rare offering of small talk.

I nodded. "She had her pre-k christmas concert this afternoon," I told him, pulling my phone out of my pocket and swiping to the thousands of photos I'd taken during the performance, angling it so he could see as I flipped through them. "She had the time of her life. Loves school. She was sick a couple weeks ago and had to stay home, and she was a grump the whole day."

Ranger's smile was wide and genuine as I paused on an action shot of Frankie in the front row of her class group, singing her heart out to Jingle Bells. Her hand was a blur as she shook the bells the teachers had handed out just before the song, a massive toothy grin on her face.

"I wish I'd known," Ranger said as the elevators sprang open again and I tucked the phone away as I followed him out of the little box and down the hall toward his office. "I would have liked to see it."

I did my best to hide my reaction as my chest tightened. I would have loved for him to be there. He loves Frankie with all his heart, and would do just about anything for her. There was no doubt in my mind that if I had told him when and where it was, he would have made every effort to be there. And he might even have been the one cheering the loudest. The problem was, Ranger's relationship with me, and now with Frankie, was still a massive sore spot for Joe, and since Joe couldn't get the time off to attend the concert, and was called in for a double homicide early this morning, Ranger being there would have just made everything worse.

"They filmed the whole thing and are uploading it to the class drive. I'll download it and send it to you," I offered as a consolation.

He nodded, and opened the door to his office and waved me through ahead of him. I didn't wait for him to tell me to take a seat, instead making a beeline for the small sofa in the corner of the room. He shut the door and followed me over, taking the single seat across from me and sitting with all the cat-like grace he'd always possessed. He stared at me for several seconds while my mind raced, trying to figure out how to tell him, how to say what I needed to say, how to break my silence.

In his second break of character in five minutes, though, he spoke first. "How long has he been hitting you?"