Seeing that tank forced me to seriously rethink my strategies.

Pulling the power plug, although effective in destroying the ducks, had done nothing to prevent the neighbor's house from getting demolished - yet this thing was obviously another video game `character' made real.

I couldn't just chase it down with a baseball bat, could I?

I unthinkingly checked the light gun, like I could somehow look inside the barrel to see how many shots I had left. Then, feeling a little foolish, I contemplated plugging the power back in, just to see the ammo readout.

"No way. I'm not going through that again!"

I had to talk to Squeegee about this.

It was Sunday. The Swap and Shop would be open.

As quick as I could, I rushed out of the house, hopped on my bike, and pedaled to the drive-in. I caught the man at his big brown van, right as he was just setting up shop.

"Hey, amigo!" he said with a grin. "Back again?...I knew you'd come back for that Japanese game. Only, you'll have to use something called the Famicom set to play it." He showed me something called Jesus Bio Monsters.

"Uh," I stammered. "That's great, but I actually came to ask you a question about that gold thing I bought from you. It, uh, it works."

Squeegee gave me this look that said `...And? Your point being?'

"Did anything...weird happen to you while you were playing with it?"

"One of the games, it flashed on and off, but it started working gain when I blew into it." He shrugged. "What happened for you? Did the man change color?"

"Worse. The ducks came out of Duck Hunt and tried to kill me."

My vendor burst out laughing. "Amigo, maybe you should not use drugs while you play. When I was no viejo, and smoke Mary J, I put on soothing music and lay down on the carpet until it is over. Maybe you try, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Look, uh, you got any light guns?"

He snickered. "Do I have light guns! Señor, I cannot get rid of the damn things!"

Squeegee pulled back the sliding side door, revealing dozens of them. "Not many titles where you shoot things with it. Only Duck Hunt, maybe Hogan's Alley and Operation Wolf or Baby Boomer. That is all, amigo."

They all looked the same, either orange or gray. "About that thing yo sold me yesterday, where'd you get it again?"

"Yo no sabo. I don't know. I was just digging in a box and I found it, amigo."

"...Where do you generally get your stuff from?"

"Besides family? My son, he take a trip to Japan. He talk to someone, get some deals. I dunno. He sometimes mail me things." Again he shrugged.

"Got any wireless light guns? Maybe something that shows you how many bullets you have?"

Squeegie chuckled through his nose. "You must have been smoking the good stuff, amigo. But I do have one you can use without a cord..."

I bought the unit from him, as well as a new console, with hopes that the replacement wouldn't attack me.

Okay, so I probably could have tried starting up the one I already had without the gold thing in it, but after all the things that happened to me, I wasn't willing to try it again.

Since Squeegee couldn't help me with anything else, I returned to my bike.

As I was riding away, I heard the man call out, "Watch where you are jumping, amigo! Things look a lot different in 3D!"

I scowled, wondering if he knew something and just wasn't telling me.

Deciding it was just another pot joke, I shook my head and continued on my way.

I returned to my bedroom with the `new' equipment.

I could see through the window that the tank had made short work of my neighbor's house, but afterwards seemed to have gone into `standby mode,' not doing much of anything. I didn't know how long this period of respite would last.

Duke, in the meantime, had been rooting around in the pile of dead ducks, growling and shaking them back and forth in his mouth.

All of a sudden, I heard the noise you get in Castlevania when you find a secret treasure. Duke barked at my footlocker like he heard a squirrel.

I lifted the lid, jaw dropping at what I saw.

All my stuff had vanished. My favorite stuffed toys from when I was little, my school yearbook, grandpa's old letters from the war, and a bunch of toys, trophies and sports equipment. All gone.

The only thing I saw in there, besides the plywood bottom, was a scroll and a gray thing resembling Batman's utility belt, but with a Nintendo controller as the belt buckle.

I picked up the scroll, you know, because "When all else fails, read the directions."

`The kingdom of Videoland is seeking a new champion to defend the realm, and you show potential,' the scroll read. `Congratulations on passing the first test. Use this Power Belt to complete the second challenge. We have great hopes in your success. Sincerely, Princess Lana.'

The moment I finished reading, the scroll crumbled into tiny cubes and vanished.

"These are dangerous tests, princess," I muttered. "I wish I could tell you to your face what I think about them!"

Pushing buttons on the controller buckle didn't seem to do anything but make the interior part glow. "Cute."

I would have left it where it was, but it had a holster, perfectly shaped for a light gun, and a controller port, just right for my cordless gun plug.

Thinking I'd at least need the holster, I put the belt on, and immediately hit my head on the ceiling.

I hit my head again before coming to the startling realization that Button A could propel me into the air. Rubbing my sore head, I picked myself up off the floor, hoping mom wouldn't see the crack I'd put in the plaster.

Okay, so that was interesting, but it wasn't going to get rid of the tank. Already I could hear it smashing something else up.

It seemed standby mode had ended. I had to figure out some way to calculate my ammo.

I hooked up my replacement Nintendo, stuck in Duck Hunt, but that's when things got really weird.

When I pressed start, the opening ditty played, but then all it did was show an empty forest. The dog didn't even show up.

The important thing, I guess, was that I could see my ammo, a full row of digital duck shot. I holstered the wireless gun.

To my surprise, I noticed a strip on my belt glowing. When I examined it more closely, I came to the realization that it consisted of little bars matching the number of bullets on the TV.

I leaned out my window, firing at the tank.

My first two shots pinged uselessly off its armor, but just like in Tiger Heli, when I hit the turret in the center, the top exploded, the machine seizing up in the middle of the yard.

Unfortunately, that's when I noticed the sheet wearing ghouls floating up my lawn.