Chapter Five

Fluffy really didn't know what to make of any of this. Thrust into a strange new world, wandering with her kittens, finding nice men who fed them, and now back with her original person, Tifa—and the man who tore Nibelheim apart.

Why was he here? Why did Tifa seem to like him?

Fluffy had to admit he'd seemed nice when he'd petted her children—hesitant and concerned, not wanting to do anything to startle or hurt her or the others. And Tifa said he was nice and that he'd been sick when he burned Nibelheim.

How sick did someone have to be to do that? Was it really safe to be around him now?

Lucy had emphasized, "He was really sick! He's not like that at all when he's okay! He's so loving and kind and good! He didn't even take me when we first met because he was so worried I'd get hurt by some mean people, so we had to wait ten years!"

"Ten years?!" Fluffy had exclaimed in disbelief.

"We finally met again on this world and it was safe to take me, so I got to come home with him and Zack at last!"

"You still wanted to be with him even knowing the horrible things he did?" Fluffy had asked.

"That wasn't the real him!" Lucy had insisted. "Of course I still wanted to be with him!" She clearly adored him to no end.

While Lucy's adoration was pretty much in a class by itself, Fluffy didn't sense fear from anyone in the house either. Everyone seemed happy there and everyone other than the boy Denzel seemed to like Sephiroth.

Why did Denzel feel differently? Maybe she should try to find out.

As she wandered about, looking for him, the girl Aerith walked into her path. "Why, hello there," she smiled.

Fluffy looked up at her and meowed Hello.

Aerith bent down and petted her. "I hope you like it here," she said. "We're all very happy to have you and your family."

Fluffy purred, rubbing against her hand. She was nice.

"Sephiroth is happy you're here too," Aerith continued. "I know it must be hard for you to be here with him after what happened, but I promise it's safe. He's not like that at all when he's well. He feels so terrible about what happened at Nibelheim."

So everyone kept saying. Fluffy looked up at her with questioning eyes.

"He understands if you'll want to keep your distance from him," Aerith continued. "He won't come to you at all unless you're ready."

Would she ever be ready? She would definitely keep watching him every moment she could. Her children all loved him, so there was plenty of reason to be concerned.

"And if you ever get overwhelmed with it all, you're welcome to come to me," Aerith continued.

Fluffy nuzzled Aerith's hand again. She was sure she would be taking Aerith up on that.

Denzel happened to walk past just then. "You're talking to the cat?" he said in confusion.

Fluffy flicked her tail. And why not?

"Of course," Aerith said. "Aren't you going to talk to any of them?"

Denzel looked awkward to be put on the spot. "Well . . . maybe."

Fluffy couldn't tell whether he meant it or if he was just saying it to humor Aerith. But if he was one of those types who wouldn't talk to animals, he would lose a lot of points in her book.

She wasn't sure how Sephiroth felt on that subject either, really. But he had definitely been concerned about her feelings, at least, which was a lot more than some people were about animals.

Maybe . . . maybe he really was different from that awful night.

"I told Fluffy she could come to me if she got overwhelmed," Aerith said. "That invitation is for you too, Denzel."

Denzel looked a bit surprised, but happy. "Thanks." He came over and knelt down to pet Fluffy. She let him, watching him with round yellow eyes.

After a moment of silence, Denzel spoke again. "How can Cloud care so much about Sephiroth after everything he did to hurt everyone? Is it just because you're okay now?"

"No," Aerith said. "Cloud knows Sephiroth isn't that cruel person when he's in his right mind. And he cared about Sephiroth before everything went wrong. Now that Sephiroth is sane again, Cloud finally feels free to let those feelings out again."

"I know that much," Denzel said. "But it still seems weird and wrong."

Aerith looked down at Fluffy. "Sephiroth was really a victim too, you know. He was experimented on even before he was born and grew up being trained and abused by Shinra's scientists. When he finally found out the full extent of everything they'd done to him, his poor mind couldn't take it on top of all the other stress and heartbreak he was dealing with right then."

If it had come at a different point in time, would he have been able to keep hold of his sanity despite his feelings of anger and betrayal? It was a pointless question, but one Aerith had to sadly wonder, as Zack did.

"What do you mean?" Denzel asked.

"Angeal and Genesis had both left Shinra by then, and Genesis had allowed his friendship with Sephiroth to fall apart even before that," Aerith said. "They were Sephiroth's only friends for years. Zack said that Genesis was there at Nibelheim and he was the one who told Sephiroth the truth about himself, and in the cruelest way possible. He called Sephiroth 'the perfect monster.'" She shook her head sadly.

Denzel frowned. "Why would he say it like that?"

"I don't know," Aerith said.

"Well, Sephiroth sure lived up to that," Denzel muttered.

"And he will never stop being heartbroken and devastated about everything he did," Aerith said.

"He shouldn't," Denzel said.

Aerith tilted her head slightly. "Really, Denzel? You don't think he deserves to find peace someday?"

Denzel fell silent, just petting Fluffy. Finally he asked, ". . . Do you think my parents would forgive him?"

Aerith replied, "What do you think?"

Denzel frowned, pondering the question. ". . . I think they would," he admitted. "So maybe . . . I should try harder too."

"Forgiveness will only come when you're ready," Aerith said. "But wanting to forgive is the first step."

". . . Have you forgiven him?" Denzel asked.

"Yes," Aerith said without hesitation. "I have."

"Why?" Denzel frowned. "Because of the stuff you've been telling about him?"

"That, but also, I'm happier when I forgive," Aerith said. "Life's too short to be so angry all the time!"

"So what do you do when you get mad?" Denzel asked.

"I try to channel it into something useful, like gardening," Aerith said.

Denzel looked down at Fluffy. "I don't know what I could do with it. Play video games, I guess."

"Not ours, I hope," Aerith said lightly.

Denzel flushed. "I tried that, actually. . . . I thought maybe beating Sephiroth in a game would help me feel better. But it just got too weird seeing everything we went through being in a game."

"It is pretty strange," Aerith said. "Did you ever fight Sephiroth?"

"Yeah." Denzel kept looking at Fluffy. "It felt good at first, but then it started making me madder. I thought how he's not like that when he's sane and then I just felt crummy for wanting to hurt him."

"That's good it didn't instead make you want to hurt him more," Aerith said, which had been her concern when Denzel had revealed playing the games.

"I guess. It makes everything a lot harder, though," Denzel frowned. "I'm still mad at him, but I know I shouldn't be and that it's not fair and that makes me madder."

"Have you talked to Cloud about it?" Aerith asked. "That was how he felt too. He might be able to help you."

Denzel sighed. "I don't like to ask him about it when I know he loves Sephiroth now. I don't want to make him think about things that'll hurt him."

"That's very thoughtful and kind of you," Aerith said. "But I know he's worried about you and would like to help you if he could. He would be willing to talk about it if it could help you."

"Maybe I will then," Denzel said in a noncommittal tone, and Aerith was quite sure he really wouldn't. He straightened. "Maybe I'll go look for the other cats now. Tifa said I could have one."

"That's very nice of her," Aerith smiled.

"Yeah. See you later." Denzel headed off down the hall.

Aerith sighed and looked back to Fluffy. "I wonder what we can do to help Denzel," she said.

"Murr," said Fluffy.

xxxx

Tifa had wandered upstairs. With the door to Sephiroth's room open a crack, she peeked in to check on him. He was awake and petting Lucy, but quickly looked up when Tifa appeared.

"Cloud had to take an important business video call," he said. "He left the room to do it so the client wouldn't catch sight of this." He gestured at the wings. "It would be hard to explain."

Tifa laughed a bit. "Yeah, it would be, wouldn't it."

She hesitated. Should she try to converse with him? She still wasn't sure what to say in a casual visit. But there wassomething she really needed to say, so might as well start with that and go from there.

"Um . . . sorry there's so many cats," she said awkwardly. "We didn't realize you didn't know the full number until they were here. . . ."

Sephiroth grunted. "Have they been well-behaved so far?"

"So far," Tifa agreed. "They're all house-trained."

Sephiroth sighed. "I would hope so. I don't see how this would work if they're not."

"If it doesn't work out anyway, Rude said he and Reno will take them back," Tifa admitted.

"Let's hope it works out," Sephiroth said. "They belong with you, and Zack and Marlene are already smitten."

"They sure are," Tifa agreed.

". . . I'm surprised Fluffy wasn't violent or threatening violence with me," Sephiroth said. "She recognized me after all."

"I think she would just get scared and hide unless she thought her kids were in danger," Tifa said.

"Is she hiding now?"

"No, she just seems to be walking around the house. I saw Aerith petting her."

Another long hesitation. Aerith had told her something else that Sephiroth needed to know, but it was hard to know how to get into it.

Sephiroth saved her the trouble. "I spoke with Denzel," he said. "He's concerned I might somehow lose my mind again after what happened to Cloud last night."

Tifa blinked in surprise. "He came to you about it?"

"Yes, when I was coming back upstairs. I answered as best as I could, but I doubt I gave him the definitive answer he was hoping for," Sephiroth said.

"I guess . . . there isn't really a definitive answer for something like that," Tifa said quietly.

"No, there isn't. Although given I'm sure Jenova was a large part of why I went insane and she was unable to ensnare me again on this world, I wouldn't think I would be driven out of my mind again."

"I hope not." Tifa didn't want to think about it. But Denzel was thinking about it. How Hellish for someone so young to have to worry about a problem like that.

"Denzel doesn't like me," Sephiroth said.

Tifa sighed. "He's just afraid of our happy lives falling apart," she said. "He wants to stay here, and he's grateful to you for providing so much for us . . ."

"But I am still the Nightmare and he cannot forget that. Nor should he." Sephiroth looked down at Lucy. "You are all welcome here for as long as you want to stay, whether or not you can feel good about me, but is it good for him to be here where he will have to encounter me every day?"

"I think Denzel would feel worse to be taken away," Tifa said. "Especially knowing how much Cloud loves you and wants to be with you." She sighed. "But I've been worrying the same thing. If I ever did take him away, Cloud would probably stay here with you and Zack. I'm not sure what would happen with Marlene." It was a strange situation with Marlene, since she was Barret's daughter and yet it was really Tifa and Cloud who were raising her. Marlene thrived on their current arrangement. If suddenly Tifa and Cloud were not living in the same house, it would be extremely devastating to Marlene.

Sadness flickered in Sephiroth's eyes. "I don't want to cause your family to break up."

Tifa's heart was pierced at that. "Sephiroth, you're part of our family too," she said. "I never thought I'd be saying that in the past, but it's true."

Sephiroth looked at her in shock. "You truly feel that way?"

That only hurt worse that he hadn't realized. "Of course," Tifa said.

He leaned back into the pillows, stunned. "I know Cloud feels that way, but I was afraid you never could."

"Well, I do," Tifa said. "You've been such a critical part of Cloud's life . . . of his heart . . . for all these years. He's only been able to fully find peace now that he recognizes and accepts those feelings. You're so kind and thoughtful . . . and I'm ashamed that I thought you were cold even before everything went wrong." She looked down.

"I'm used to that," Sephiroth said. "People used to call me the human glacier. I'm not an easy person to get to know . . . or care about."

That seemed very sad. "You're aloof, but you're not cold," Tifa said. "And you're worth getting to know."

"Thank you," Sephiroth said quietly. "That means a great deal. But . . . it doesn't solve the problem with Denzel. What are we going to do if we're going to continue attempting our current arrangement?"

Tifa sighed. "I don't know. Cloud suggested a real heart-to-heart between the two of you and Denzel could get out everything he's feeling. It sounds like he's already tried to do that by coming to you now."

"I'm sure there's still a lot he hasn't said," Sephiroth said. "And I doubt I could give him the answers he seeks. But if he would want to do that, I am willing."

"It might involve a lot of screaming at you," Tifa said apologetically.

Sephiroth just shook his head. "I would deserve it."

Tifa wasn't sure what to think on that point. The insane Sephiroth deserved it, even though it would make no difference to him and he would probably only sneer and laugh. But this sane Sephiroth, who was already weighed down so much by the burden of all he had done . . . did he deserve it? Really?

"Thank you for being willing," she said at last. "I'll tell Denzel. But we should wait until you're better to do it."

"Alright," Sephiroth said. That would definitely allow him to have more emotional strength if it did result in screams and hate.

He hesitated a moment, then said, "If I may ask, why did you agree to move in in the first place when Cloud asked?"

Tifa paused, pondering. "That was after our memories came back," she said. "I could see you're a good person, and very kind. And I guess . . . I felt Cloud really knew that too or he wouldn't keep living here. He definitely wouldn't have invited us to come if there'd been any concern we'd get hurt."

Sephiroth nodded slowly. "He used to have an apartment when we first came here," he said. "Then one night the building caught fire, ironically. I invited him to live with me and he accepted."

Tifa was surprised. "I wonder why Cloud never mentioned that."

"Maybe he thought it was one of the false memories, such as our company existing for five years instead of the several months it had been around in actuality. But it definitely really happened."

Tifa smiled a bit. "If Cloud still thinks it's a false memory, he should be told it's not."

"Maybe I'll get into it sometime," Sephiroth said.

"There's no time like the present," Tifa encouraged. "Even if it seems weird and random to bring it up, it would be nice for him to know. I know he'd want to."

"Yes," Sephiroth mused. "I suppose he would."

Lucy warbled in the affirmative.

xxxx

Downstairs, Zack was looking for some of the other cats. "Now where could they be?" he mused to himself. "Here, kitty kitty!"

He opened the door to one room, looked in, turned away, and then did a double-take. Whirling back, his jaw dropped at the sight before him. Four of the cats were climbing the heavy drapes in the room, two on each one.

"What the heck?! Come on, guys, you're not supposed to do this!" He ran in, carefully prying the nearest cat off the drape. When he went for a second one, the first one started up again. He slapped his forehead.

"Zack?"

He started and looked up at Angeal's confused voice. "Angeal! Help!" he exclaimed.

Seeing the problem, Angeal came in and swiftly pried two cats off the drapes at once. Zack quickly removed the other while trying to block the first one from going up again.

"We've sure got our work cut out for us," he sighed.

"Well, you didn't really think there wouldn't be some hiccups with eight cats, did you?" Angeal countered, trying and failing not to smile in amusement.

"I kinda hoped," Zack said. "I mean, we haven't had any trouble with Lucy!"

"Those Pokemon seem to be in a class by themselves," Angeal remarked. "I've never seen anything like them."

"I guess." Zack surveyed the cats, his hands on his hips. "So how do we keep them off the drapes?!"

"We could try giving them treats when we get them down and they stay off," Angeal said. "Maybe then they'll learn staying off is better."

"Works for me!" Zack chirped.

The cats all looked up and meowed expectantly.

Zack stared at them. ". . . Did they just understand that?!"

Angeal just looked amused. "You never know." He took out a pack of cat treats and gave one to each cat. They munched in delight.

"You really came prepared," Zack remarked.

"You might want to start carrying some too," Angeal told him.

"Yeah, I guess," Zack said, watching in disbelief.

"Is Sephiroth feeling any better?" Angeal asked.

"A little, but it takes him days to really get better after having to use his Safer form," Zack said.

Angeal nodded. He really didn't want to discuss it, although he would if Zack wanted to. "I know."

Zack bent to pet kitties. "What was Seph like when you first knew him?" he wondered.

"Honestly, he wasn't that much different than he was when you first met him years later," Angeal smirked. "He even talked the same way." Sobering, he added, "I didn't think much of it at the time, but now that I know what happened to him because of Hojo and the other scientists, it's obvious he grew up too fast. He probably didn't even have a childhood at all."

"From stuff he'd said, I don't think he did," Zack frowned. "But does that mean he didn't tell you and Genesis anything about what was happening to him?"

"He really didn't," Angeal said. "But on the other hand, we didn't ask either." He looked shamed at that. "He opened up to you in a way he never did with us. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable doing it since we were all the same rank and he'd been taught he had to always project the image of Shinra's great hero."

"Maybe because you guys were his first friends and he didn't know friends tell each other important things," Zack countered.

"Or maybe he sadly didn't realize how abnormal and concerning the abuse was," Angeal frowned. "That's tragically the case with a lot of abuse victims."

Zack frowned too. "Poor Seph."

"As time went on, he did occasionally open up a little," Angeal said. He leaned down to pet the cats too. "But I think he came to feel comfortable with you in a way different from us." He smiled. "You have a gift for drawing people out, you know."

"It probably wouldn't have worked if you guys hadn't softened him up first!" Zack said. "He loved you and Genesis so much. Still does!"

"I know," Angeal said again. "But things will never be the same between us as they were those years ago."

"I know they probably won't be with Genesis, but what about with you and Seph?" Zack frowned.

"They're mostly the same in how we interact, and yet Sephiroth has changed so much," Angeal said. "Of course, there's no way he wouldn't after everything that happened."

"Yeah." Zack was still frowning. "And I know there's probably not much we can do about that except accept it and be there for him, but I wish there was more."

"I think we're doing all we can," Angeal assured him. "Sephiroth has found happiness with us—and surprisingly, with Cloud too. It's more than I once could have expected or hoped for. And maybe someday, with our help and support, Sephiroth will be able to heal even more from the past."

"I hope so." Zack straightened, holding two cats. "What about Genesis, though? Do you think he and Seph will ever be able to patch things up?"

"I think that depends a lot on Genesis," Angeal said. "We don't know anything about how he currently feels except that he may have been trying to protect us on several occasions. And working from the shadows is definitely not his usual behavior. In the past, he always wanted people to know about his heroics—which was a large part of what started the problem between him and Sephiroth. Sephiroth always wanted to help people, but he didn't want recognition for it. And yet he had it anyway, both about his acts and his abilities in general. Even I misunderstood sometimes and thought Sephiroth was strange, or that he was being prideful about what he was capable of when he wasn't trying to be. I lectured him about it." He sighed. "In hindsight, I wonder if that was also why Sephiroth didn't really open up much. Maybe he was afraid of being misunderstood and lectured again."

"Yeah, maybe." Zack had sometimes felt that way himself in the past. But he didn't want to talk about that, so he scowled and said, "Did Genesis think Seph did want all the attention or something?"

"I think he knew otherwise but blamed Sephiroth anyway," Angeal sighed. He lifted the other two cats.

"Well, he must have changed then, if he's okay with helping out without people even knowing it's him!" Zack said.

"That's what I'm hoping," Angeal agreed. "And I'm going to keep looking until I hopefully find him alive and well. Sephiroth has done what he can to help by using the supercomputers to search for him, but he doesn't feel like going out to look personally. He thinks Genesis doesn't want to be found and those feelings should be respected. And I might agree with that, if I was sure he's alright. I want to talk to him at least once. If he doesn't want to come out of hiding and talk to Sephiroth, I'll respect that."

"Seph probably would have looked for him in the past, wouldn't he?" Zack realized.

Angeal nodded. "He tried so hard so many times to find him after Genesis deserted. But by now, Genesis has hurt him too much. He told me he'd help look if he thought Genesis was in trouble, but otherwise he's just not comfortable trying to force his way in when he doesn't know if Genesis wants that. He doesn't think Genesis likes him anymore."

Zack sighed. "I think about what happened a lot. And I can't help wondering if Seph still would have lost it if Genesis hadn't shown up and treated him like he did. Having your best friend call you the perfect monster when you've been nothing but kind and then for the friend to still expect you to help him after that . . . !" He shook his head. "That would be devastating for anybody!"

"And especially when Sephiroth was already hurting from us leaving," Angeal frowned.

Zack cuddled the cats more. "In the end, though, it was probably more my fault than anybody else's," he said quietly. "I mean, I just let Seph stay in that library when I could already see he wasn't handling anything well. I just . . . I don't get how I could do that." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Especially after losing you. Why did I just let Seph go too?"

"You'd tried to help him and he wasn't in any state to listen," Angeal said.

"Neither were you and I never gave up on you," Zack countered. "So just . . . why did I give up on Seph? If I'd tried harder, pushed more, maybe I could have got him out of there."

"Do you really believe that?" Angeal asked.

Zack sighed. "I don't know. . . . I worry about it, but I don't know I could have changed anything if I'd done more." He looked down at the kitties. "Maybe I was just too burned-out after what happened with you, but that's no excuse."

"There's no point thinking about it any more," Angeal said. "And I know it's easier to say that than do it, but everything's past and gone now."

"Except for how Seph is haunted by everything he did after he cracked up," Zack said.

"Even with that, he's trying to focus on the future and not be chained by the past," Angeal said.

"I try to do that too," Zack said. "I mean, we've got an amazing life together now! And I want to just think about that. But . . . it's impossible not to think about what went wrong at least sometimes."

"It is," Angeal admitted. "And we shouldn't forget the past; we don't want it to be repeated. But if you dwell on it too much, it will just drag you down instead of you being able to learn from it." The cats nuzzled him and he smiled. "Right now we've got a big task of figuring out how to live with eight cats. Try focusing on that and I guarantee you'll be happier."

The cats Zack was holding were both purring. He had to grin. "You're right, Angeal. I'm already a lot happier thinking about these two! Hey, do you think Seph would like to have one of the cats?"

Angeal looked amused. "You could ask him. He already has Lucy."

"I'll definitely ask him!" Zack chirped. "Maybe that would help things with Fluffy too!"

"You don't think she'd be worried?" Angeal remarked.

"Well . . . she probably would be, but then she'd see everything's okay!" Zack said.

"As I see it, you'd only have one real problem with your idea," Angeal deadpanned.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Zack frowned.

"Every one of Fluffy's kids that he's met loves him. How would he choose just one to be his?"

Zack paused, blinking repeatedly in surprise. "That . . . kind of is a big problem, isn't it? We don't want any of them to feel bad! I'll figure it out somehow, though! I'll go talk to Seph about it now!" He hurried out of the room.

Shaking his head in amusement, Angeal followed.