Alec Lightwood strode through the Institute hallways as quickly as he could, praying to the angel for the strength not to throttle Simon. When he had plucked the fire message from the air in Magnus' apartment and read that his sister was in trouble, he had waited impatiently for Catarina to arrive before she had portalled him to the Institute.
It had taken all of his political training not to burst into a fit of laughter when Catarina had inspected the Lizard and muttered a few words in Latin, only for Lorenzo Rey to burst from the tank in Magnus' living room. It had been the first genuine smile on his face since Magnus had left for Edom. A lizard had seemed apt.
And now that smile was gone because the Vampire was telling him that Izzy had been set on fire. What. The. Fuck? Alec's only thought, even through the cacophony of problems that swirled through his mind, was of getting to her.
"What did you do to her?" Alec asked Simon as he wrenched another door open, on his way to the infirmary.
"I didn't set her on fire… we were just kissing and then…" Simon trailed off when Alec raised a hand to stop .He hadn't meant to say that, it had just kind of slipped out. And now he was about to get stabbed by very pointy swords. Or probably staked with one of Alec's badass five tipped arrows.
"You were kissing my sister?" Alec asked, practically shuddering at the thought. Like all of Simon's inane stories, he was positive that he didn't want to hear this one. Then he rolled his eyes. Because of course, he was about to hear it.
"I mean, she was kissing me too and then.." Simon let out a deep sigh of relief when he saw Izzy approaching them. Half glad that she was okay - half glad that she had come to rescue him from her brother. Her big brother. The one with the deadly aim. Who hated him.
"Easy big brother," Izzy sighed, wrapping her arms around Alec when he held his arms out to her.
"Izzy, I was so worried," Alec said. She looked to be in one piece, not even a scratch on her but he still worried. "Is everything alright?" he asked, letting her go.
"Just some temporary side effects… but I'm gonna be fine," Izzy said. Maybe she could put telling them off until later, they were all going through so much, especially Alec. That's what she told herself.
"Thank the angel You're alright," Simon said, moving in for his turn to hug Izzy. Now that they had kissed, he wanted to keep her by his side, still surprised but extremely thankful that it had happened at all.
Ignoring the sinking feeling in her gut, Izzy turned to Simon, ready to pull him in tight, before she remembered that she couldn't so she pulled back from nod it is,she thought.
"What, am I not allowed to say that?" Simon asked when Izzy practically backed away from him. Had he broken one of their Shadowhunter laws or something? Why was Izzy looking at him like that?
"No, ah… uh…" what was she supposed to say to him? Thank the angel that Clary and Jace decided to save her ass from having to explain it all. Overwhelmed would be an understatement for how she was feeling right now.
"Izzy, hey, are you okay?" Jace asked when he reached his siblings. And Simon. Wrapping an arm around his sister, he gave her a tight squeeze- thankful that she was in one piece- before releasing her to Clary.
"We came as soon as we heard," Clary said, holding Izzy for a moment as relief swept through her.
"Great, hugs for everybody else," Simon said, stung that everyone except him had been allowed to hold her.
"Simon… it…"fuck! Why is this so hard?Izzy wondered, feeling awful when she saw the hurt, plain on Simon's face. It was one of the most endearing things about him, that he wore his emotions for others to see. She realised then that it was time to pull her big girl panties on.
"The heavenly fire- from when the sword exploded- until it leaves my system, I can't touch anyone with demon blood," Izzy said, seeing the shock that she was still dealing with, mirrored on all of their faces.
"For how long? Are we talking Days? Weeks? Months…?" Simion asked, stepping forward. He really wanted to hug Izzy right then.
"I… don't know…" Izzy said with a sad shake of her head, feeling moisture start to gather in the corners of her eyes. "I don't know. But it's gonna be fine, okay? It's manageable," she said with a tight smile and a nod for Simon's benefit.
Jace's eyebrows rose, right along with his confusion, as he watched the dynamic between Izzy and Simon play out. Looking up at Alec, he noticed the awkward expression on Alec's face before his gaze flicked between Simon and Izzy.
"What's going on here?" Jace gestured between Izzy and Simon, looking at them all. Why did Clary have a half smirk on her face?
"Isabelle and Simon were kissing when this happened," Alec said, gesturing between the two in , he thought when Jace's eyebrows lodged themselves in his blonde hairline. And Clary was still wearing that smirk. Or was it a grin?
"What?" Jace asked. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Even when Izzy started speaking, he couldn't help but let his gaze wander from Izzy to Simon and back again, mystified as to why she would kiss Simon. Why anyone would kiss Simon?
"Please tell me you have a lead on Jonathan?" Izzy asked. There were more important things to talk about than her love life.
"Yeah," Jace said, still staring at Simon. "We uh, tracked down a demon known for associating with the clave, on Wall Street. He didn't have any information on Jonathan."
"But he did have news on Lilith," Clary said, turning away from her awesome best friend, who had finally gotten his shit together and gone for it with the obvious love of his life, her other best friend.
"What kind of news?" Alec asked, a hole forming in the pit of his stomach. Knowing that he wouldn't like whatever it was, he had to brace himself for the news.
"She's ah, gathering an army. To take down Magnus," Clary said, delivering what felt like a killing blow. Alec's pain was almost palpable.
"She'll kill him," Alec said, his head going into overdrive with plans to get Magnus back. He really didn't need Jace's next words.
"And if she does, the rift will reopen," Jace said, feeling awful for his brother.
"He sacrificed everything to save us. If he's going up against Lilith, I have to be there with him," Alec said. There was no other option. He wouldnotleave Magnus down there all alone to face her. He couldn't lose Magnus, not again, in such a permanent way.
"Alec, you know that if any of us went to Edom, we'd die, instantly," Clary said, trying to get through to Alec. It couldn't be done.
"The atmosphere is demonic. But maybe I can go. My heavenly fire might protect me," Izzy chimed in, the only one with a chance in hell of surviving down there.
"No," Alec said, putting his foot down. He wasn't about to let his little sister risk herself like that. Magnus was his man, his fiance. If anyone was going down there, it was him. He quickly thought through the situation before continuing, an idea starting to form.
"No, only someone with demon blood would be able to survive there," Alec said, the idea cementing itself. It was his only option. "Simon," he said, turning to the Vampire.
"I don't have my mark anymore but I'm sure… if you gave me enough swords… maybe I can…" Simon shrugged before Alec cut him off.
"No, I need you to turn me into a Vampire so I can go," Alec said. It was the only way.
"What? Alec, are you out of your mind?" Jace asked, his eyes boggling, flat out refusing to believe what he had just heard.
"What else am I supposed to do?" Alec asked, ignoring the looks - that clearly said he had lost it - they were all aiming at him. He didn't need their judgements, he needed their help. "Please, just let me try this?" he asked.
"Absolutely not," Izzy stated.
Jace and Clary just stared at Alec. He had officially lost it.
"Izzy's right, I'm a terrible sire," Simon said, shaking his head. It was a disastrous plan.
"We'll find another way," Clary said, seeing the madness of it.
"What other way?" Alec asked, unable to stop his voice from rising. Why couldn't any of them see? Itwasthe only way. "Huh? Tell me. Tell me something. Any of you?" he asked.
Dropping his arms, Alec stormed off. They just didn't get it. They all had their people, the ones that they couldn't live without. His person was stuck in Edom, because Magnus had saved all of their asses, again.
"I don't want to hear it, Jace," Alec said when he realised that his brother had followed him into the op's centre.
"Have you lost your mind?" Jace asked, grabbing Alec's arm to stop his forward motion. "You can't just turn… you can't just turn yourself into a Vampire," he finished in a whisper. They were attracting notice.
"Can't I? What if it was Clary, huh? What would you do?" Alec asked, looking down into Jace's eyes. "Exactly. You wouldn't think twice. I'm doing this," he said when Jace dropped his gaze. Jace could deny it but they both knew that it would be a lie. His patience wore thin when Simon approached them.
"We're gonna start looking through the archives to see if we can find another way," Simon said, choosing to ignore the relieved sigh that Jace huffed out, as offended as he was. The importance of what he needed to say had him reaching out and taking Alec's arm, pulling him closer.
"You need to think, Alec, about all of the repercussions of what you're asking if we can't find another way. Can you really give up your mortality?" Simon asked, watching for Alec's reaction. He continued when Alec didn't answer him.
"Because believe me, when you're actually staring an immortal life in the face, those vampire movies don't seem as glamorous as they're made out to be. This isn't something that you can just decide on a whim like that," Simon said.
"It isn't a whim. It's the only option that I have available to me," Alec said, narrowing his gaze on Simon.
"Wasn't it? You didn't even think about it. You just blurted it out," Simon retorted, lowering his voice. There were a lot of people watching them.
"Doesn't that prove how serious I am? That was my first reaction," Alec said. It had been his first instinct, to do anything to get to Magnus. And he was nothing without his instincts, they had saved his ass more time than he could count and he had learned to listen to those instincts years ago.
"Think about it, properly," Simon said. With that, Simon walked away. It was Alec's decision, sure. But he wasn't just going to turn Alec on a whim. And honestly, he really didn't want to.
Alec watched Simon go, Jace leaving with him after one long, pleading look. What did they know? Of course, he had thought about it. It was Magnus. Letting out a deep sigh, Alec turned on his heel and headed for his office, Simon's words floating through his head.
Think about it. Properly.
So that's what Alec did, all day. Not that he would admit to anyone that Simon had actually given him some good advice. He sat in his office, constantly twisting his engagement ring around his finger as he went through it all, again and again, in his head. The ramifications.
I would be immortal.
I would never age and die.
I would be a slave to the impulses of the night children.
I would have to live off blood.
Almost everyone that I love would leave me.
I'd have to leave them to go to Edom.
I'd be turning my back on the only life I've ever known and starting all over again.
Eternity is a long, long time.
What if I hate it?
What if I come to hate myself for the decision I had made?
What if I came to resent Magnus for it?
Would I?
All Alec knew was that he couldn't live without Magnus. The days when he had stuck to Asmodeus' deal had been the worst of his life, each hour feeling like an eternity of its own. Sure, he had been a proper Shadowhunter about it. Followed the ethos that a real Shadowhunter shouldn't let emotions cloud his judgement and gotten on with it.
That was a crock of shit. He had done what he had been doing since the first day he had noticed another boy - and realised that he hadn't ever noticed a girlthat way. Shut his face down, pull his back up straight, forced the world to see what he wanted them to see. A stone mask that hid the turmoil beneath.
But inside, it had almost killed him. Trying to live without Magnus was like trying to live without air. Impossible. So he made a list of pros. If he was going to look at the cons, he needed to weigh it against something. His analytical, tactician's brain would let him do nothing else.
I would be with Magnus.
We would never have to have the talk about immortality again.
He would probably do the same for me if our positions were reversed.
He would never have to face the day where he puts me in his memory box and has to move on.
I would never have to leave him.
The few short years that we are allowed would stretch into centuries.
I could save him.
He wouldn't have to spend his eternity alone, rotting in Edom without me.
We could have the life that we have both waited so long for.
I could have everything that I ever wanted.
The last one was a dizzying thought. As a child, he had never even dared to hope that he would end up with the life that he wanted. The clave didn't allow for such things as personal happiness. A Shadowhunter sacrificed everything for duty. He had accepted the life that had been mapped out for him. A wife, a prestigious position, all the honour that he could gain for the glorious Lightwood dynasty.
And then Magnus had come along and shown him that he didn't have to live with what others decided for him. That he was allowed to hope and dream of a better life, one that he chose for himself.
If it wasn't for Magnus, he would be married to Lydia, doing a meaningless job. His life would be one big grey stretch of misery with no warmth. His mother would be expecting grandchildren. His father would be expecting him to push his way to the top of the clave. Other Shadowhunters would live the same life too, ones like him who had had their courage beaten down, time and time again.
All of that, the future that he had faced, would have come to fruition if Magnus hadn't stormed into his wedding and his life, and changed it irrevocably, for the better. So Alec compiled a list of reasons why he should do it, as the afternoon sun turned to night outside of his office windows.
Magnus is there alone.
Lilith is going after him.
I can't leave him to face an army on his own.
He went there for me, for all of us.
He is the only thing that is keeping us safe.
We are engaged, we promised each other the forever that we had been allowed. Now that forever could actually mean forever.
I need this pain of being without him to be gone.
I can't live without him.
That was the deciding factor for Alec, he couldn't live without Magnus. As much as he was holding it together on the outside, he was a mess on the inside where nobody could see it. Every second since Magnus had disappeared into that portal and restored the rift had felt like an unending eternity of pain and loneliness. He was barely holding the pieces of himself together.
How was he supposed to live without Magnus when he could barely breathe any time he thought of his fiance or any time someone mentioned his name? Could he really go another forty, fifty, sixty years without him? As much as he had tried to convince himself that it was only Edom, it wasn't. It wasn't "only" anything. It was an entirely different realm and there were no guarantees that Magnus would ever be able to come back.
And that was the crux of it for Alec. Because the question wasn't, could he live with being a Vampire? It was, could he live without Magnus? Could he even live with himself if he stayed and left Magnus there? Left him to Lilith's non-existent mercy?
"Fuck no," Alec mumbled out loud, staring down at the platinum ring on his finger, the promise to Magnus that he would be there for him, always. It was the match of the one on Magnus' finger, the ring that he had placed there himself. The consequences of becoming a Vampire were nothing compared to what it would feel like to break those promises.
"You're a Lightwood. You break noses and deal with the consequences," Alec muttered to himself. Pulling his stele out, he sent a couple of urgent fire messages to Meliorn and Lorenzo - needing a favour from them - before turning his attention to the task of saying goodbye to his family.
Taking a notepad and pen out of his desk, Alec started drafting letters, one each for his friends and family, explaining how much he loved them and why he felt like he had to do this, and one for Jia - a resignation letter. It wasn't just his family and life that he was leaving behind, it was the career that had been mapped out for him since before he was born too. He also drafted an agreement, stating that he had asked Simon to turn him.
Placing the letters into envelopes, Alec looked down at the stack in front of him. Each letter contained his apologies, his love, the advice that they would have sought out from him when any of them would need his guidance. He had placed as much of himself as he could into the pen strokes but that was all he could do. And he was at peace with the decision that he had made. They would be too, in time.
Alec put the stack of letters in his desk drawer for one of them to find. Collecting his agreement, he took one last look around the place before he heaved himself up from behind his desk and went in search of the others.
Whether they liked it or not, Alec had to do this. Not just for Magnus but also for himself.