This is how it happens.
First, she feels foolish. She is someone who hardly hesitates, and she doesn't know why she does it, or why she did it in that moment. But she did.
She could admit she was jealous. And she was, just a bit. Only because Arizona wasn't being totally open about Callie. And, anyway, what right did she have to know?
So she was jealous, just for a moment. That's why she blurted out that she knew Arizona liked her.
But then Arizona admitted it herself.
She wonders why Arizona didn't do anything. Why she just walked away. She wonders and wonders, but decides not to look for the answer.
So it happens.
She is talking to him. She talks to him and finds herself almost pouring her heart out, but she isn't really listening to the words that come out of her mouth. She instead listens to the singing in her heart.
It's funny. And more than slightly unsettling. She wants to make it stop, she wants to feel more connected to the conversation she is having, but she is distracted.
She finishes what she is saying and smiles hard. The force of it hurts her cheeks. She watches him as he absorbs, watches as his face gets serious. She watches that seemingly contrived look of surprise take its appearance on his features. But he is always genuine. He has proven it. He continues to prove it. He is proving it right now.
He has steely blue eyes. Sometimes she finds herself mistaking his hair for red under the dim lighting of his trailer, but she knows that he's blond under most light. He is blond right now.
Lately, she sees blonde hair and blue eyes in all of her dreams. She spends most of her time around it. But it's not Owen's flat hair and steely eyes that she sees. It's bouncy - mostly whisky - kind of fluttery hair, and sometimes icy eyes that she really finds herself looking at.
She wonders why she pays so much attention to distinguishing the way Arizona's hair looks in her dreams. Her hair hasn't changed much from med school, she thinks. Not that she saw her a lot during those days.
But she sees her now. All the time.
Their hideout.
He smiles, and it's kind of sad - the way he does it. The way his eyes dim, the way his head lowers only slightly as he considers his words. She is not like him; she doesn't really consider what she says before she says it. She remembers what she just told him. And in a low voice, he says he feels the same, says he's had those sort of feelings before.
He has different feelings now, he continues. Now that he's met her. It's justifiable reasoning. He likes this - what they have. He likes it a lot.
I like you, Amelia. A lot, she told her.
She likes it, too.
She likes the sharing and the sex and the temporary filling of the emptiness in her heart, but it seems to make her want more, more, more.
More of something.
She finds something always lacking.
I need to not be so close to you, she told her.
"Do you want to come to the trailer tonight?" he inquires in soft, slightly seductive voice.
And it's the tone of his voice that makes her realize that the things she craves the most in life always appear in her dreams.
She thinks about this before answering.
"I can't," she determines. "Not tonight."
Because I want to kiss you, she told her.
"Oh…" he deflates.
She is unflinching, determined. "Owen," she says, and she wants to know, though it won't make a difference, "what are we?"
I need to not be near you for a while, she told her.
He considers this, and she sees that flash of uncertainty in his eyes. He is silent for a while. Amelia taps her foot just as quietly. "…I don't know."
But she knows.
She does.
So she leaves.
Amelia doesn't let Arizona say anything when she opens the door. The blonde looks surprised, surprised by Amelia's bewilderment and sudden appearance and maybe also by the fact that she's out of breath. She collects herself for a moment as she steps inside and swings the door shut behind her. Arizona starts to reach out to her, maybe to fix her hair, maybe to grasp her shoulder and ask her why she's here, but Amelia just slaps her hand away and pulls at the collar of her sweater and pushes her hard against the wall.
"Am-" is what Arizona gets to say before she kisses her, finally allowing herself to know how her lips feel. And they feel good. They're softer than she imagined they would be. Their softness is alluring, she thinks, as she presses own lips harder against Arizona's. She kisses her once, and then again, and she feels Arizona reach her hands out to grab her hips. She feels her pulling her in closer to her, and she feels the kisses grow stronger. More passionate. She wants to pull back, to look at the blonde, but when she does, Arizona just draws her back in, chasing her lips, kissing her again. She pulls her closer and Amy is suddenly out of breath.
She pulls back and Arizona lets out a dreamy sigh which only makes Amelia grin. Arizona's face is red, and her body feels hot against Amelia's. She withdraws her hands now, and brushes back her hair, letting out another shaky breath.
"I, I want to bang you," she says.
"What?" Amelia asks.
"I don't know, someone told me I should say that to you."
Amelia scowls. "That's not very classy."
"Alex isn't a classy guy."
"You told him that you wanted to bang me?" Amy grins.
"No," Arizona smiles. "He just figured it out."
Amelia smiles and leans back into her, kissing her again. Her lips are soft. Too soft, she thinks, and she can't pull away. But she does.
"I did, too. Before you told me."
Arizona's breath is still ragged from the last kiss. She seems to be pinned against the wall. "You did?"
Her surprise makes Amelia laugh. "Have you seen the way you look at me?"
Arizona only laughs at her inquiry, her voice soft and low. "That's true," she says. She looks to the floor for a moment, and then lifts her head to look back at Amelia. Her seem eyes softer.
"I was just waiting for you to admit it," Amelia explains. "But that was a dumb choice."
"What?" Arizona asks. "Why?"
"Because you think I'll have second thoughts about it," she explains. "And I'm not like that. When I know I want something, I'm sure of it."
"But-"
"You like me and that's enough."
Arizona seems to absorb this, but she asks, "Why didn't you say anything before?"
"What should I have said?" she asks, fingering the collar of Arizona's sweater. She pulls the collar down with her index finger, observing that defined clavicle that always seems to catch her eye. The moment of captivation, she thinks. "You were adamant," she continues. "You caught me off guard. You were decided. You didn't let me think."
Arizona frowns, and reaches her hands out to Amy's wrists, clasping her hands around them so she meets her eyes. "I thought you knew."
"You walked away too fast," she counters.
"Well, there's Owen-"
"Where does Owen fit in?" Amy interjects.
"You have Owen."
"I don't have Owen. We're not anything," Amelia claims. "Well, he's just… different. He's a friend," she tries to explain. "And he doesn't make me feel the way that you do."
Arizona looks into her eyes, as if searching for something, and Amelia only watches them in turn. She draws her hand to stroke Arizona's cheek, twirling a loose strand of blonde hair around her finger.
"But I do know," Amy affirms, but she pauses in her statement and kisses her lightly on the lips again. She pulls back to look at her, "I know how bad I want to."
"To what?"
Amelia grins at her inquiry, at the blonde's pressing for answers. "Kiss you. Fuck you. That kind of stuff," she says, smugly.
Arizona seems to blush, but giggles at her in reply and smiles, and now her eyes are softer. Brighter. Amy likes her eyes, the way they look at her. All the time. She could get used to this, she thinks - used to staring closely into these blue eyes. She's never been so close before, she realizes.
"So why didn't you just tell me then?" Arizona asks.
"I guess most of me was afraid," she continues, fingering the fabric of her sweater. Arizona releases her wrists and brings her own hands to Amelia's waist. "But then I thought back and realized how stupid that was."
Arizona laughs. "Really?"
"Yeah," Amelia admits. "Do you know? I always act on my wants. I've learned not to now, so maybe that held me back," she explains. She can feel Arizona's fingers running against her clothed hip. They seem eager now, and she can see her eyes growing darker. "But for something like this," Amelia continues, "someone like you," and, captivated by her pink lips, she stops talking just to kiss her again, "it's not so bad to act on them."
She pulls the collar of Arizona's sweater down, so she can kiss her clavicle, and feel it on her tongue. She traces it slowly before she pulls back. The throaty exhale Arizona gives her is enough to heat her entire body. She looks at her and grins. "Not bad at all."
Arizona smiles, and draws Amelia closer to her, leaning in for a kiss. She slips her tongue inside, much to Amelia's surprise, and when she traces her tongue against her own, Amelia feels engulfed. Her body is suddenly on fire. Arizona strengthens her hold on Amelia's hips while her tongue delves deeper into her mouth. But the shorter woman shoves her back against the wall and begins pulling her sweater up her body.
"So," she starts, her breath ragged and excited. Arizona only stares back at her with lustful eyes and bruised lips."Is Alex not home or am I just going to fuck you against this wall?"
Arizona laughs again, though her eyes remain dark. Excited. "He isn't," she tells her, "but we should move to my bedroom."
They struggle to the bedroom, only because their lips are too occupied with exploring each other. Amelia barely has time to process her surroundings when she feels her back slam against the shut door of Arizona's room. The blonde seems domineering - incredibly sensual, she realizes. And her lips are addicted to Amelia's neck.
"Bed," Amy manages to say in between her panting, but Arizona doesn't move, and instead goes to unbutton her shirt. Preoccupied with this, Amelia shoves her back until she loses her balance and falls onto the bed.
She hovers over the blonde and watches her face. Arizona's eyes are darker now, though somehow they seem to retain their natural brightness, and her sporadic breaths leave Amelia breathless.
"Um," Arizona starts, attempting to sit up. But her position makes it difficult, and her chest brushes against Amelia's. "You know, maybe we should-"
"Why do you always talk?" Amelia asks, grabbing her shoulders and shoving her back down. She kisses her hard before she allows herself to continue. She likes the feel of her lips, the softness of them. "Just let me fix it for once."
"You make me nervous," Arizona blurts out.
"What?" Amelia asks. Is she having regrets? "Why?"
"I-I don't know, you look-" the pediatric surgeon tries to explain, her eyes falling to Amelia's chest before she meets her gaze, "you always look like you're amused."
Amelia laughs. "I'm not making fun of you," she clarifies, reaching out to thread soft blonde hair through her fingers, "you're just cute. It's fun."
"Well," Arizona smiles, seeming relieved, "Maybe I worry too much."
"Yeah," Amelia agrees, and pulls off the blonde's sweater in a quick gesture. She unbuttons her own and throws it behind her. "Now get on the bed properly," she commands.
Arizona does just that, and moves up onto the bed, slipping off her pants quickly. Her eyes warily fall to her prosthetic and she looks at Amelia, suddenly uncertain.
"What?"
Arizona laughs, "This won't be very sexy."
"You are too sexy."
She begins to take off her prosthetic while Amelia strips off the rest of her clothing, leaving her underwear intact. She crawls up on the bed and shoves Arizona on her back when she is finished.
"Well, you're eager," Arizona grins.
"Do you know how bad I want to fuck you right now?" Amelia asks, impatiently.
"Who's classy now?" the blonde retorts as Amy leans in to kiss her lips. She begins to lose her breath again when Arizona slips her tongue into her mouth and reaches over to unfasten her bra. The straps fall down on her shoulders, and Arizona pulls them off without leaving her lips.
"Who's eager now?" Amelia grins, but her witty comments turn into moans once Arizona kisses her breasts. She finds herself struggling to lean over Arizona, but only because the blonde seems to be in control, even with her position on the bottom. Amelia feels as she traces her nipple with her hot tongue and trembles above her.
"Maybe I should be on top," Arizona says huskily, her hand on Amelia's hips. She feels the taller woman run her fingers along the lacy material of her underwear. She is teasing, suddenly.
"I know how to fuck a woman, Arizona," Amy claims, reaching out to unhook her bra. She does so quickly and marvels at Arizona's breasts, placing her hands on them, relishing in its softness. Everything about this woman is soft, she thinks.
"Have you had sex with a woman before?"
"Well," Amy considers, "In med school. But I've fucked myself before."
Arizona only laughs at her confident admission, "Doesn't count. Totally not the same."
"It is!"
"No," Arizona corrects her, pulling her hands away from her breasts. She flips her over on the bed, much to Amelia's surprise. Her grin is sexy and devilish, and Amelia resigns to her dominance when she says, "Let me show you."
She is surprised when the first thing Arizona does is go down on her. She doesn't know when she blonde does it, though she seems to, when she realizes the blonde's kisses are slowly drifting downward. Her hot breath and incessant kisses on her body seems to consume her, and Amelia feels overwhelmed. She feels Arizona swiftly pull her panties off of her legs, and gasps out when her mouth meets her heat.
She tries to control herself when Arizona's tongue begins to explore her, carefully licking every spot, but she realizes how addicted she is when she starts to pull on her hair. The blonde only grips her hips tighter, keeping her in place, and Amelia suddenly finds herself crying out loudly when Arizona slips her tongue inside of her.
Her tongue is warm, too, she thinks. Especially inside of her.
She is not sure when she comes, because she does it twice. And again, when Arizona slips her fingers inside of her. She trails up her body as Amelia feels herself clenching against Arizona's fingers. "You're tight," Arizona husks, and it makes her moan out loudly. She wants to do the same, so she reaches her hand out and slips them inside Arizona's underwear.
"Take it off," she manages to gasp out.
Arizona laughs, her voice low and sultry. "Too late," she says, exhaling loudly when Amelia feels her own wetness.
"You're really wet," Amelia laughs.
"So are you."
She comes before Arizona does, clenching tightly around her fingers, but her own fingers don't let up inside of the blonde, and she changes position so that Arizona unravels beneath her. She kisses her hard, discovering the softness of her lips as her fingers plunge deeper inside of the blonde.
And when Arizona comes, she realizes how infatuated she is. The blonde throws her head back against the pillow, her eyes shut tightly. The breath she releases is quick, and erotic, and sensual to Amelia's ears and makes Amelia realize that she wants it again.
She wants it. She wants her.
They remain silent in the aftermath, their bodies suddenly fatigued and exhausted. Both leaning on their backs, they stare up at the ceiling. Amelia turns to look at Arizona, whose eyes remain closed. She watches her breasts rise and fall as her breathing returns to normal.
"Hey," Amelia calls out to her, prompting Arizona to turn on her side to watch Amelia. Her eyes are soft again, and bright, and beautiful, and they seem to make Amelia's heart race again.
"Should we cuddle?" Amelia inquires, watching the blonde's eyebrows raise in surprise. She wants to reach out and trace them with her finger.
"What?"
"I don't know, you seem like you want to cuddle."
Arizona laughs. "Where did you even get that idea?"
Amelia pouts at her, mostly with the intention to trigger a reaction from the blonde. "So you don't?"
Arizona laughs softly and reaches out to graze her cheek. She tucks a lock of hair behind Amelia's ear and smiles. It makes Amelia's heart beat fast. "You're just turning it around. You want to cuddle."
"Maybe."
So they do. Arizona leans closer into her and buries her face against Amelia's neck, sighing dreamily.
"Oh, Arizona?" Amelia calls out to her.
The blonde seems drowsy already, though, and ducks her head into Amy's shoulder, blonde hair sprawled out against her. The scent is alluring, she thinks, and she wants to let her know.
"Hm?"
"I like you too," she says. "A lot."