A/N:
Disclaimers: Mature, Attempted Suicide/ Self-harm, Mental Illness, Marriage, Modern AU no powers, Civilian Life, Slice of Life
Been working on this for a while, I have more to share which is in my draft. Some I have already shared, some alternate endings of this AU. Hope you like it.
~.~.~.~.~.~
In a dark hallway there were two bodies standing in front of one another. The male was near the wall staring at the female panting at him.
A diamond necklace was on the floor, the eyes of the male couldn't help but stray to the item. Some of the diamonds actually came off. And he frowned at the sight.
He really needed to talk to the person who got him that necklace. He asked for the best of the best, so why the fuck where the diamonds falling out so easily?
The other figure did not like that he looked distracted. She pushed him against the wall, his back meeting the wall and he groaned from the impact.
"You must have liked it didn't you!" She screamed and he brought his viridian eyes to her, nothing but calm and sereneness on his face despite her loudness.
But no one would hear them here.
The pale woman raised her hands to her head. His eyes this time catching on the rings on her ring finger. A well made engagement ring and wedding ring that can catch anyone's eye from across the room.
He hoped the diamonds on those rings were sturdier than the ones on that necklace that was now scattered on the floor. It was a simple string of diamonds on the necklace, but it suited her well. It accentuated her delicate neck.
"All the attention, all the women!" She pulled hair pins from her hair, unravelling some black tendrils from the bun on her head.
Before he could say anything, she pinned him against the wall, with her wrist just above his shoulders. He was still too tall for her even with the black heels.
"I won't give you to them! I won't!" She barked right at his face. Her eyes like dark lavender glared at his lips which she claimed roughly the next second.
The kiss was intense and she was not kind in her advancement on him, but he did not push her away. In fact, his firm hand found the small of her back, the ring on his finger glittering as he pulled her closer to him.
And just as he did, she had his lower lip between her teeth, biting him hard, drawing blood. "You are mine." She declared and he couldn't help but smile.
"I will not give you to anyone!" She almost growled like an animal but the man simply stayed quiet. And when her tender lips crashed on his again, he let her do whatever she wished.
Her soft hands found his chest, wrinkling the crisp white shirt he had on.
"You are mine, Damian Wayne." She whispered against his lips and he sighed.
The man's free hand cupped her face to pull her away from his lips for a moment, so he could look into her eyes, "But of course, Mrs. Wayne."
But she wasn't listening to him, as she just went back to claiming his bleeding lip. The blood inside both their mouths. And the woman became more aggressive.
Her hips softly grinded against his and he groaned pulling away from her lips, but his wife's hand tugged at his chin forcing his lips back in her warm embrace.
Damian felt a weight against the side of his leg and his hand found her thigh there. And it was clear what she was trying to do.
He held her thigh and his eyes brushed at the floor below them. He pulled away and she was upset at this. "Not here, let's get to the bedroom."
He did not want someone to see her in such a situation. It brought a bitter taste in his mouth.
She shook her head, her black brows drawn together, "Why? No one will come to the second floor. No one is allowed to, you gave those instructions to the guards and staff- even the guest knows the top floor is off limits." She pulled him by the collar.
Her breathing became ragged as she added, "Are you going to meet someone else?" Her hands on his collar were shaking and he noticed it. Her tone shifted greatly.
He pulled her closer to him by her waist. Her chest against his. His finger gently guided her by the jaw to look at him, "Why would I? My wife is right here."
But her eyes were looking anywhere but him, this time it was the husband who was unhappy now. One of his hands slipped off from her hip and slid down her back, his hand grabbing her plump butt, pressing her against him.
She gasped as he brought his lips to her ear, "Can't you feel that? It's all for you, beloved." He guided her hips to grind against his erection with his hand on her ass.
She whimpered against him which brought a smile to him.
"To the bedroom." He said, this time his lips pressed against her ear. Before she could answer him, he scooped her up and she was left with no other choice but to wrap her legs around his hips.
"You are mine." Raven said, but there was a lack of conviction in her voice. It was more uncertain than anything else. Even the hold she had on his hair at the back of his neck lacked the strength to convince him that he is hers.
"I am. I always have been." He simply answered, eyes locked at hers.
Damian easily brought her to their bedroom and laid her to bed gently. His head was about to bury itself on her neck when she pulled him to her with a firm hold on either side of his cheeks. Claiming his bloody lip, the taste of his blood in both their tongues yet again.
"I'm sorry…" She pulled away, eyes filled with guilt and some tears.
But he just kissed her back, "Sorry? For what? That was really sexy." He grazed his teeth against her collarbone. "My wife was asserting her dominance."
"I–"
"Let me show, my beloved wife, just how much I value her." He cut her off, pressing a hand at her lower abdomen making her whimper.
He loved her until she was exhausted and constantly reminded her that he loved her and only her. When Raven was fast asleep, he slipped out of bed and grabbed his phone, calling his assistant.
"Sir?" The man answered and before Damian could ask he said, "We've told the guests that you weren't feeling well and the Lady was taking care of you."
He smiled, satisfied with his assistant's quick thinking. That was all he needed.
"Good." He replied.
"But the businessmen you had scheduled to meet are still at the study. I wasn't quite sure if you'd want to proceed." The man spoke and Damian glanced at his wife.
"Tell them I'm sorry for the delay and that I will meet them as soon as my stomach settles." There was no worry in his voice.
"Understood." The assistant replied and Damian ended the call. He then walked to his sleeping wife and caressed her hair.
He would rather his reputation be tainted than hers. He knew she was sensitive about people. Especially with her condition.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Raven and Damian had been dating for only three months, but it was clear they were madly in love. And things were getting very serious.
Raven was sitting on his lap in her apartment. They had just arrived from a date but she couldn't resist his advances and found herself making out with him.
"Wait. Wait." She pulled away but he captured her lips again and she moaned. She placed a fisted hand on his chest and firmly pushed him.
He relented and she pulled herself off of him.
"I have something to tell you." She said and the worry was clear in her face.
"Yes, you've been telling me that since dinner." He got up and reached for her hand and she watched as he held her hand with care.
"I need to tell you this. It's important." She stared at him solemnly.
"Okay, beloved. You have all my attention." He said and she smiled, liking how he called her beloved.
And then suddenly, she looked burdened and exhaled a deep sigh and pulled away from his touch making him frown.
"I didn't think I'd be attached to someone this fast." She gave him a loving glance and a soft smile to which he smiled back.
"Honestly, me too." He replied, giving her the exact same loving gaze. She should have looked away from him, her face turning pink.
"Damian, I like you alot." The said man's demeanor quickly changed at the fact that she called him by her name. "You need to know something. You deserve to know this before we get even more serious."
It was clear that she worried and he took her hand again and massaged her knuckles, hoping it would relax her.
"I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia." She whispered and he blinked at her. "I get it if you want to break up. It never works out because –"
He pulled her head to him and gave her a firm kiss which then evolved to a passionate kiss. When he pulled away she was left panting.
"That won't scare me away." He smiled at her and she was just so ensnared by him. She couldn't be this lucky.
And she was, it was almost a year since they've been together. And they've had their bumps and her condition wasn't helpful but they pulled through. And in the span they've been together her medication bill started to pile up.
"I'm gonna take some more extra jobs." Raven said.
"No. I will. You don't need to." Damian responded and she looked at him.
"You can't do that. This is my problem, I should be solving it." She shook her head.
He walked closer to her and cupped her face, "Hey, it's for the woman I love, this is no problem. You're already taking extra jobs, let me help you."
Raven nodded and he kissed her forehead. They weren't rich and they lived in a small place. But it was decent and clean and thankfully wasn't the worst place they could be living at and thus safer than other options.
They lived paycheck to paycheck but they were happy. And he never showed any signs of wanting to leave her when she had episodes.
She never doubted he loved her, even when the voices told her otherwise.
But recently, it has been getting worse. And it was getting hard not to listen to what the voices were telling her.
A turning point was one bright morning. When Raven woke up first before her boyfriend. She sat up on the bed pulling the red sheet along her chest and her eyes widened as she looked across from her, directly at the door.
"What is that?" She whispered, body shaking as she brought her knees to her chest. She buried her face into her hands as a blood curdling scream came out of her mouth.
Damian jumped up from his side of the bed revealing his bare chest, his back red with multiple lines. "Baby, what's wrong?" He immediately glanced around and then scooched to her side wrapping his arms around her. "
Raven, hey, what's wrong?" He rocked her as she sobbed.
She raised a shaky hand and pointed it to the door, "Wha-wha-what is that?" She sobbed and Damian followed her hand.
He frowned, "Beloved, what are you seeing?"
Raven froze and held her breath. She only heard voices throughout her life, but this time– was she starting to see things too?
She took a peek between her fingers and she sobbed. "He's there, Damian, I swear."
He hugged her and took a deep breath against the side of her head. Her hair smelt of lavenders as he thought that she never hallucinated people before.
Damian stared at his sleeping wife, recalling the first time she started seeing things. He grabbed her hand and stared at her, the rings on her ring finger glistening.
"I'll be back. Sleep well, beloved." He kissed her forehead and she groaned in response, putting a smile on his face.
He got up and went to their closet and got a fresh suit to wear. Before he left, he glanced at his sleeping wife.
~.~.~.~.~.~
The two went to her psychologist and she held his hand nervously as he used his free hand to rub circles on the back of her hand.
"You can tell her what you told me, Beloved." He calmly said and she looked at him with wide eyes, tears forming in her eyes.
They've been sitting here for a while, but he and the doctor were patient.
Raven inhaled deeply, her body shaking as her voice cracked, "He-he– it." She gulped and leaned against Damian who quickly wrapped her around his arms. "There was something in the bedroom, I swear baby," She sobbed and he rubbed her back.
"I know, I believe you." He answered back and she pulled away to look at him and study his eyes.
She believed him.
With pressed lips she said, "He had red skin." She closed her eyes and gulped, " Four sets of eyes– they- they were yellow. Bla-black horns. White hair. His smile– his smile." She croaked and she felt Damain's thumb brushed the skin below her eyes, brushing the tears.
She opened her eyes to look at him, "He was smiling at me, placing a finger against his lips, like he was telling me to keep it a secret."
He looked hurt but smiled proudly at her and kissed her forehead, "I won't let him hurt you." He caressed her face and she nodded then turned to the doctor.
"Am I getting worse?" She asked meekly and the doctor gave a thin smile.
~.~.~.~.~.~
When Damian got home he found his wife crying silently in the middle of their bedroom. The heel of her palm on her forehead with her fingers shaking.
"Beloved, what's wrong?" He instantly said drooping his suitcase and rushing to her, she looked up with tear filled eyes.
"Damian!" She ran to him and then gripped the lapels of his gray suit jacket with shaky hands. "I didn't mean to! I swear, I didn't do it on purpose."
He was confused but looked up at his wife's face and it broke his heart. Cupping her face he said, "Baby, what's wrong?"
He wiped her tear stained face with his thumbs and she sobbed and gripped his wrists. "I misplaced my wedding rings." Her lips were pouty as she saw his face ashen for a moment.
"I'm sorry." She sobbed and he blinked.
He was hurt, but it quickly disappeared, "Hey, beloved, it's okay. It's okay. I will find them for you." He tried guiding her to bed and she slowly followed him.
"No. No. I lost it. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry." She repeated, hands still shaking and sobbing.
"I know, you didn't mean to. Don't worry, I will find them, I promise." He kissed her forehead, "You seem like you've been crying for a while, get some rest and I will continue searching for the rings."
She shook her head. "I lost it. I should look for it. I didn't want you to come home without me finding it. I feel so bad." She then sobbed into her hands.
He hugged her then pulled away, "I'm not mad, okay, I would never be mad over this. Tell me what happened and I swear I will find it for you."
She sniffed, "I was taking a shower, I placed it on the sink counter and then I couldn't find it anymore. Did they do this? Why would they do this?"
"Okay, okay, baby, you rest, you've been crying for a while now right?" He coaxed her and she nodded. "I will find them, I promise, please take a rest for me."
Raven relented and Damian stayed to look after her. Giving her water and placing a wet rag over her eyes. When she was fast asleep he went searching for her wedding rings.
He also scolded the staff. This incident could have set her off even more, but thankfully it didn't. But she was clearly very upset.
It took hours, he didn't even know why, but he finally found the two-ring set. He smiled as he studied the rings. He had designed her engagement ring and wedding ring.
The engagement ring had a peek-a-boo gem setting on them, one side the color of his eyes the other the color of hers. It also had a hidden halo. And the main jewel setting was an emerald cut diamond with the band filled with small diamonds almost surrounding the entire platinum. He really got into rings when designing her engagement ring and he pulled almost all the stops on designing the said jewel. But he didn't.
He chose a rather big gem as the main setting, but not so big that it looked heavy on her hand. He placed as many diamonds because he wanted the best for her. And overall, he wanted the rings to be visible from afar. He wanted those who were across the room to see that she had a ring on her finger. All the while he thought of what would suit her the best.
He approached the bed glancing at his sleeping wife. He felt happy that she was asleep, he hated seeing her so distressed like that. He gently sat beside her and caressed her left hand with his right hand. On his pinky finger was a ring with an amethyst jewel with what appeared to be ravens on the thick white gold band.
Raven stirred on the bed and opened her eyes, the same shade the jewel on his pinky had.
He smiled at her gently and she smiled back. Recalling their last conversation she looked at him expectantly.
He raised her hand and kissed the back of it, "I found them, beloved, may I put it on for you?"
She nodded eagerly and watched him put the ring on her finger, making sure the green gem would face her as she always preferred, she smiled realizing he recalled. And then he slipped on the wedding band that was a half band diamond eternity ring.
"Thank you." She whispered her eyes welling up and he cupped her face as he studied her.
He kissed her forehead, "Just don't remove it for anything, I don't want to see you upset like that." He gently told her and she nodded. "I know you are just taking care of your rings, but don't worry, I can afford the repairs if anything were to happen. So, it would be better to just wear them even when you are asleep or showering."
"Okay." She gave a squeaky reply and then noticed that he had not changed at all, "Have you been searching for them all this time?" The guilt was clear in her eyes.
He smiled and then scooched over to her and she moved closer to the bed to give him space. He wrapped her around his arms saying, "I couldn't stand seeing you that upset. I had to find it so that you will be at ease."
He kissed her ring and looked at her, "I love you so much. Only you and always."
Raven's head settled on his chest and she felt him kiss her temple, "I'm so sorry…"
Her left hand on his chest, "Don't be," He replied as he held her hand with his right hand. Her eyes caught the ring on his pinky finger.
She glanced up at him, her hand overlapping his to caress the ring on his pinky. "Can you please tell me why you have this ring again?" She meekly asked and he smiled then chuckled.
"You do love hearing that story don't you?" He sighed, his other hand caressing her waist.
She nodded and he kissed the top of her head, "Alright."
She settled herself on his chest as she closed her eyes to listen.
"I got this ring because I wanted to remember you. The color of the amethyst is the color of your eyes, of course it can do no justice to the real deal, but seeing it when I am signing a document or at a meeting, reminds me who I am doing all this for. And when I am not looking at my right hand, the wedding ring on my left does the same thing. Everything I do is for you, Raven." He calmly spoke and listened to his wife's soft-breathing. She was fast asleep.
The medications often left her sleepy and often he would see her fast asleep when he got home. Although, it doesn't help that he does come home rather late. Still, after a long day and being able to have her in his arms was what he most looked forward to.
They were still adjusting to their new life, the mansion, his work for his father and their marriage. But he never wants to see her so upset again.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Raven was nervous. She hadn't seen Damian for days. She had gotten used to not seeing him for days due to work but it didn't mean that she felt less unsettled the more she experienced it.
She was in their bedroom shaking, it was even harder to think straight when the voices kept telling her things.
"He's with some other woman."
"Of course, he'd look for someone else, you're crazy!"
Laughter then ensued.
"Who would want you?"
"Shut up…" She answered back weakly, tears in her eyes. And then she felt a hand slip over her shoulder, she yelped, jumped a little and turned around to see no one there. "This isn't real." She muttered.
"But he is with someone else."
"That much is real." One of the voices laughed and her eyes widened and she ran to the bed and hid under the sheets taking Damian's side of the bed, burying her head under his pillow.
"Shut up…" She sniffed. She didn't want to cause a scene which then would result in her being sedated which then would make Damian come running home. If he was gone this long it was because of important business. She was already convinced that Bruce hated her, if she gave another reason for Damian to drop everything to return to her, she was sure Bruce would hate her even more.
Damian was always immediately informed if she had to be sedated and he'd always return home. She tried not to listen to the voices. She couldn't start a fight with them right now.
"Even if he's with some other woman?"
"Maybe a younger one even–" One jabbed and the voices laughed.
As long as she wasn't seeing those red skinned creatures, she'd be fine. She squeezed her eyes shut.
Raven was fast asleep with her head buried under a white pillow. Her pale figure was drowned by the white bed. At first when Damian entered he was afraid because he didn't see his wife on the bed, but then realized that she was just hidden quite well. He gently removed the pillow off her head and he realized that she was wearing one of his white suit shirts. He couldn't help but smile.
He reached out and touched her wrist and his wife jumped up awake with violet eyes wide in fear. He too reflected the same expression.
He immediately crawled to bed and held her within his arms, "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked as he placed her into his arms.
She naturally embraced him tightly with arms over his shoulder as she shook her head and he rubbed her back.
"I missed you." He said instead of trying to pry and she pulled her head away from his neck with watery eyes as she nodded.
"Me too." She quietly answered back. He realized her puffy eyes and her hoarse voice, but he will not pry. He knew that she missed him, the fact that she was wearing his shirt was proof of that, it was her tell.
"I really like my shirt on you. I swear you always wear them the best." He whispered not hiding his desire for her and there was relief in her face that he did not need to point out. Instead, he smiled at her tenderly, hands gently roaming. "It's uncommon to see you awake, I'm hoping you are not tired," He studied her face and she was studying him too.
"If not, I am also not tired at all– I hope you can help me sleep." He smiled and her face blushed a little.
Raven did not reply, it seemed her mind was elsewhere for a moment and so he added, "I would also love to get my welcome back kiss while you're awake."
She blinked and smiled at him and gently leaned toward him, giving him a soft kiss. When she parted her lips away from him for a moment, he pulled her in deeper with an inhale of his breath, then deepened the kiss.
Her hands gripping his shoulders as she reciprocates his kisses. And she felt his smile against her lips. It calmed her to know that he wanted her. It coaxed her from what the voices told her before she fell asleep.
"I wonder what my dear wife is wearing underneath?" He mumbled and pulled back a little.
"You will find out, dear husband." She answered back receiving a groan from the man. His fingers clumsily unbutton the top button of his shirt.
Damian soon found out that his wife was wearing nothing underneath.
Raven was fast asleep beside him laying on her stomach. He pulled the sheets up to her neck so that she wouldn't get cold as he caressed her black hair.
~.~.~.~.~.~
"Shut up!" Raven screamed to the wall, the entire bedroom was a mess. "I hate you!" She turned and grabbed a vase and threw it across the room. Her face was tear stained as she panted.
The door had also opened just as the vase shattered by Damian's foot. Her eyes were wide and she hugged her shaking body. She quickly turned around shaking her head.
"I'm so sorry…" She mumbled in tears.
Damian was not worried about almost getting hit, when he heard the screaming and breaking of glass he immediately ran to their bedroom where the noises were coming from. When he opened the bedroom door and saw her state, his heart broke for her. There was shattered glass by her feet and he was worried she would step on the shards.
"Raven, don't move!" He yelled as he rushed to her and she flinched at the sound of his voice.
"No, don't come any closer!" She yelled back and before she could flee, strong arms embraced her from behind.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked as he gently urged her to turn to him which she did. His hand quickly wiped the tears on her face.
"You should send me to an institution." She whispered to him and his eyes widened. He cupped her face forcing her to look straight at him.
"If anything, I will bring the institution to you." He said solemnly and she believed him.
"I just want this all to end, it's just getting worse." Her eyes welled up and he pressed his lips.
"What did they tell you?" He asked with narrowed eyes and his poor wife looked like she was in pain as the tears welled up again.
"The same old things…" She brought her gaze down.
"Beloved, please…" He asked her gently and she looked at his eyes again but this time with pressed lips.
"That I'm just your charity case. That eventually you'd get tired of this situation and you'd find someone else." She chuckled brokenly, "But who knows, maybe you already have someone else. The late nights– I barely see you recently. I know I shouldn't believe them– they aren't even real. But baby, it's so hard." She couldn't help but cry.
Damian wiped her tears and leaned down and kissed her lips, "I promise you there will only be you. I've been working hard to try and develop better medicine for you and your condition while also doing tasks father requires of me." He hugged her and then whispered tenderly "Do you remember what the doctor said?"
She was relieved by his explanations and his care for her, even if it's a lie she'd rather believe it.
She nodded, "She said that I love you so much and the voices know this and use you to make me react– because I always react whenever they talk about you."
He kissed her forehead, "Exactly, I admit I fear the day you don't react anymore– I know I must sound selfish, but it would mean you don't love me anymore."
"That won't happen. I won't not ever love you." She pulled away and gripped his shirt, the fear in her eyes clear as she looked up at him.
"I know, I'm sorry for scaring you." He kissed her forehead. "Let's get you to a guest bedroom while I have this place cleaned." He picked her up and carried her princess-style, "I don't want you accidentally getting hurt."
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, eyes locked at a corner of the room.
There stood the same creature, but smaller in build compared to the first one she had seen, the day she started seeing these creatures. Still, this one had on the similar garb as the first but with shorter hair. This one too had the same twisted smile on his lips.
A finger resting against his lips as if to tell her to keep this a secret. The exact same gesture the bigger red creature made to her that first time.
Raven buried her face against Damian's shoulder and whimpered. He squeezed her back.
~.~.~.~.~.~
It started when she screamed one night as if she was being murdered, waking her boyfriend up. He held her shaking body.
"What do they look like? What are they doing?" He softly asked.
"He-he has red skin, ye-yellow eyes, black horns a–" Raven hugged Damian and wept onto his chest, "He's smiling at me, and placing his finger against his lips like I should keep quiet." She squeezed him.
He inhaled and rubbed her back that was filled with fresh and old hickeys, "No secrets from me, beloved. I'm here, don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you."
"I'm so scared. Dami, I'm scared." She mumbled and he rocked their bodies.
The first time she started seeing things, he was there and he comforted her.
But right now, he wasn't there with her. Most of her episodes he wasn't with her.
She stared ahead, the creature was looking at her with a cruel smile.
He laughed, "Left alone again? That tends to happen when the main wife becomes nothing but the side bitch!"
Raven squeezed the pair of scissors in her hand.
"We will hurt him, Raven."
"Shut up!" She screamed covering her ears as she pushed herself against the corner of the bathroom floor. She wished the walls would just consume her. She couldn't leave the bathroom because the red skinned creature was between her and the door.
"Well, if we can't hurt him. We can make you." It laughed and then a chorus of other voices laughed together with it. But there was only one creature before her. But way too many voices echoing their cruel laughter.
"Stop it! I won't let you!" She held the pair of scissors over her heart with shaking hands and the voices gasped as the laughter ceased.
"Don't you dare!" The roaring voice of the biggest version of them came. She was now staring at him, the first of those creatures she laid eyes on.
She knew him as Trigon.
After months of torment, she finally knew the name of this entity that called himself Trigon and from what she understood he was the boss.
Raven was in tears for quite some time, but when she saw Trigon before her, the tears welled and fell down her cheeks as she begged.
"Please, please don't." Her hands were shaking even more. She was so terrified of him the most.
"If you hurt yourself. We'll make sure we hurt him first before you do."
All Raven could do was shake her head. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of this.
"Raven. Raven." Multiple voices sang as Trigion's mouth opened, even the voice she knew to be Trigon's was there. But it was only Trigon standing in front of the door.
"Raven!" Suddenly Trigon vanished as the door swung open. And before her was Damian whose eyes were wide.
She stared at him in confusion, her grip on the scissors loosening at the sight of him.
"We'll hurt him first." The ghostly echo of a voice came, making her hold her pair of scissors tighter.
She shook her head, tears in her eyes, "I don't want to hurt you." She whispered to him with wide eyes.
"Baby, please." Damian begged, hands raised before him as he carefully approached his wife who was huddled up in a corner in her white long nightgown.
She shook her head as she stared at him.
"Raven, please." He asked again and she noticed his eyes welling up with tears. "Baby, please."
She hates it. The pain in his green eyes.
Raven squeezed her eyes and dropped the scissors and her husband quickly ran to her, kicking the pair of scissors away before diving down to her and gathering her in his arms.
She wept in his arms and squeezed him back.
He pulled away and cupped her face studying her as he wiped her tears away.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sobbed and he shook his head, the tears in his eyes silently falling.
And she froze seeing him cry as he said softly, "Beloved. Please, please don't hurt yourself."
Her pale and shaking fingers brushed his tears, "They said they would hurt you." She whispered.
His tears did not stop. "I'll be hurt if you hurt yourself. Even if it's just a small scratch. Even if it's to protect me. If you're hurt. If you're not here. I would be in pain"
This time it was her turn to just cry in silence as she sucked in her lips, "I won't ever do this again. I promise." But her voice was still hoarse from screaming at things only she could see and from sobbing because of their threats.
"Yeah?" He tried to smile at her but it just pained them both. Even so, she found the strength to nod at him.
"I'm sorry." She apologized again, wiping the endless tears on her face. She had never seen him cry and it was her who made him cry. And she hated it. "I think we should consider a divorce."
She heard his shaky inhale. Damian had never been this visibly hurt in her eyes. He was actually ashen at her suggestion. She swallowed her pain, "I'm just getting worse and I'm hurting you."
"You bringing this up has already hurt me." He quietly whispered and she looked down in guilt. "And if you bring this up again, it will hurt me even more."
Raven pressed her lips.
Gentle hands urged her to look up at him and she did. "If you're thinking you're a burden. You're not. You're my motivation."
Her lower lips quivered as her eyes watched him cry in silence. Before she could say anything he rested his head against hers.
"If you are just going to repeat what you said, please don't. I beg you not to say it again." He didn't want to hear that word again– divorce, with all his being. He didn't want to hear that word again.
"But they want to hurt you." She sobbed as she stared at her hands that were before her. "I don't want to hurt you, I would rather die." She choked at her words and she shook her head.
"Please don't, please don't." He gathered her in his arms tightly and rocked themselves.
She remembered how he had rocked themselves like this the first time she started seeing those red skinned monsters. Her heart ached.
Raven sobbed as she clenched his crisp white suit shirt and she buried her face on his shoulder, his black blazer gathering her tears and snot. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do this again. I promise."
He rubbed her back as he buried his face on the nook of her shoulder too.
Just like how he could feel the tears on his shoulder she felt his tears on hers too. It held a weight that pulled them down together.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Raven was so anxious. Since the day she started seeing things that weren't there she could tell that something shifted with her and Damian.
She was finding whatever job she could find to sustain the medications she was prescribed. The stress of her jobs, the voices and creatures, and her relationship with her boyfriend, were taking its toll on her.
She was standing in their apartment chewing on her lips. The medication and the trips to the doctors has really chipped their joint account and her personal account. She needed to find other jobs but it was so hard when the voices and creatures were rather persistently bothering her.
"Raven?" Damian called out, making Raven jump up.
She nervously laughed, "Baby, hey." She walked to him, giving him a kiss on his cheek.
"What's wrong?" He caressed her cheek, the worry in his eyes loud.
"Nothing." She squeezed her eyes and shook her head. She felt calm, feeling his thumb against her cheek. "I need to find a better job to cover for my expenses–"
"Hey. No. Let me." Damian cut her off and she studied his face. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes started to gather water.
She shook her head adamantly, "No. This is my responsibility. Not yours." She tried to pull away but he placed his hands on either side of her shoulders. She was unable to move away.
"It's not your responsibility alone. I am your partner. I want to do this for you." He said with the most caring voice and she stared at him thoughtfully with guilty eyes.
"Hey," He cupped her face with great care, "This is no bother. Baby, let me help you."
Raven couldn't say no to the firmness of his gaze. And could not ignore how her heart clenched at his certainty. Even when she was getting worse he never showed any signs of wanting to leave her.
She nodded, "Okay."
Damian smiled and leaned down to kiss her sweet lips.
As the months progressed, she felt bad, she could see that the extra load he was taking was catching up on him. But the voices were less aggressive and didn't visit her as often as the first few months at this point in time. She was thankful for this and it helped with the couple's adjustment with the new situation.
She was enthralled by how hard working he was and even though he didn't have to, he worked to provide for her.
Damian always came home before the sun set and he'd greet her with a hug and kiss. She didn't realize until recently how that seemed to have stopped.
It's been a few months since he started taking this lucrative and secretive job and since then he started acting weird.
And it was only now that she noticed that something wasn't right.
Raven was pacing in their bedroom, cold sweat on her body. Her mind was trying to tell her the rational probabilities as to why he was almost never home now. How they seem to have more spare change recently. She would even notice some lipstick on his clothes or skin. How he'd smell like cigarettes and perfume.
And because of her heightened anxiety, the voices and those things came back with a severity she hated so much.
She wanted this all to end. She was in pain.
The tears started falling down on her cheeks and some dripped to the floor.
"Stop it." She whispered to them.
"Raven?" Damian's voice answered immediately after she begged the voices and she looked up. His face contorted to pain and worry seeing her, "What's wrong?" He took a step forward and she took a step back shaking her head.
"Dami, if you are seeing someone else just tell me. I can take it." She asked weakly, arms around herself with an unsure gaze on him.
"What?" He asked with furrowed brows. Her eyes were unfocused and it was clear that she was feeling insecure. "What are you saying?"
"Dami, I am begging you, please. If you're seeing someone else, tell me. If you're an escort, tell me. The kind of money you are raking in it's too suspicious."
He wasn't angry with her words, he knew that everything he has been doing will be seen as suspicious. This was a conversation that was inevitable. And he was sure it was the voices fueling her anxiety. Even so, he can't help but feel a little hurt.
He calmly looked at her and approached her, cupping her small face in his hands making her look up at him. "I wanted to keep this a secret a bit longer, but you're misunderstanding something, baby." He smiled at her carefully.
She looked up at him ready to listen to whatever he had to say.
"I have been working for my father and because of how I left him and the family, he is making me work really hard to earn my keep." He stroked her cheeks, wiping the tears away. "But that is no problem or issue to me. For you, whatever my father wants to put me through, I can handle it. I promise you Raven, I will give you nothing but the best."
Her eyes welled up again, "You don't have to do this for me."
"I love you." He told her simply and she was clearly surprised by the revelation. "Whatever I do, it will always be for you."
As she studied his sincere expression, she thought that it was so hard not to keep falling for him deeper. And if she could choose, she'd want to leave him instead of giving him all this trouble. All her previous relationships ended because one or both could not handle her condition.
And with Damian, things were just getting worse and yet he was steadfast and never showed signs of wanting to leave her. The voices just convinced her that maybe his recent behavior was what she feared– a harbinger of his departure from her life.
"I didn't want to do it like this. But there is also another reason why I have been working so hard." He was nervous and she didn't understand why.
Raven's heart skipped a beat as for a moment she heard a deep male voice tell her, 'Oh, isn't this how the conversations with your exes start when they want to end it with you?' A group chuckled, voices only she could hear.
She pressed her lips tightly, focusing on the pain her teeth was causing on her lips in order to focus on her lover and not the deceit that the voices always tell her. She watched quietly as Damian's hands patted his body.
He pulled a clenched fish out of his jacket as he sighed, "I didn't want it like this."
Raven's anxiety was high as she drilled her gaze on his fist. She did not ask what it was.
The hand that was still on her face nudged her gently, urging her to look back at her lover and he smiled shyly at her.
"I worked hard to get you this too." He opened his hand and in his palm was a ring studded with diamonds around the band but not fully and with the centerpiece being a big emerald cut diamond. "I designed it myself. I worked hard to prove to my father that I am capable and to earn enough to have this made while also demonstrating to my father that I was serious about you. I want you to be my wife, Raven."
The woman looked at him and then burst into tears. The voices vanished from her mind and she felt relieved. She wasn't quite sure how she was even able to get the man before her. She couldn't believe how lucky she was that even when she was getting worse, he was so adamant to stay.
She buried her face in her hands. He wanted to marry her. She sobbed.
"Is it too much? Am I taking things too fast?" He rambled on when she just sobbed and did not answer him. Maybe it was only him who wanted to get married.
"Yes." Raven whispered and he stiffened, "I want to marry you." She felt him relax and she looked up at him. Even when she was like this, he wanted to marry her. Call her selfish, but she didn't want to waste the opportunity. No one was ever willing to stay with her, but he did.
He smiled at her, "I want to marry you, Damian." She repeated again admiring his gentle smile.
"Well, we can get married at the courthouse. I know you would feel anxious if we plan a grand wedding and invite people. Our ceremony will be you, me, the officiate and two witnesses." He explained and she nodded.
Even for their wedding ceremony he thought of her. She nodded with a smile on her lips, "Yes, that sounds perfect."
He smiled wider, "May I?" He asked with his left palm out towards her and she gave a small little nod her cheeks pink under the moonlight. She placed her small hand atop his.
"Will you do me the honor of being my wife?" He asked, slipping the ring on her ring finger.
"I would be so honored." She answered back softly and he chuckled.
"The honor is mine." He took a step closer to her, putting her chest against his and forcing her to look up at his intense gaze. He leaned down and she closed her eyes as she felt his lips on hers.
"Tomorrow." He whispered, pulling his lips away from hers by only an inch. He recognized the confusion in her eyes, "Tomorrow, let's go to the courthouse and get married."
Her lids gazed down at his lips, her long lashes hiding her beautiful irises. She couldn't hide the reddening of her ears from him, "People might wonder why we are in such a rush." Her soft hands found his shirt.
"Would that be so bad?" He asked with a gravelly voice.
She shook her head and hummed. She stood on her tippy toes and placed her hands on his shoulders, "Tomorrow."
He smiled as she pecked his lips but he didn't allow her to pull away from him. He pressed her body against his with a hand on the small of her back and deepened the kiss.
"Tomorrow, I will be sleeping beside my wife, today my fiance and yesterday my girlfriend." He looked so entranced by thought. "And for the rest of my life, you will be the only one for me."
She could see his excitement and it made her heart flutter.
That was months ago.
Currently, Raven was atop their bed in the mansion he moved them in, hugging her legs with her face buried in them.
It was night out and it was dark and cold and he wasn't home as usual. She had fallen asleep exhausted from crying into her lap. And what greeted her when she closed her eyes, was the first time that she was convinced that he had someone else or was selling himself for her medications.
And she always convinced herself, after that, that he would never betray her. Even when she really didn't trust her own words and mind.
Damian had been so busy for weeks and she hadn't seen him for longer than a few minutes. She hadn't even seen him for days before she went to bed and it just brought her back to the first time she felt like this.
She knew he would never do that to her. But at the same time, she couldn't help but believe the words that the voices in her head were telling her.
"He's with someone else."
"Maybe a beautiful blonde?"
"Oh, maybe more than one woman."
"Who would want you?"
"You flawed thing."
Raven held her breath as she gripped her legs.
"Can you see it Raven? Another woman's hands all over him. He must have tossed his wedding ring out. After all, no one even knows he's married."
"He's ashamed of you."
"He has the right to be."
"You're insane."
"It's why you're hidden in this big mansion alone."
"He's ashamed of you."
"He should be."
The door opened slowly without making a sound and the woman on the bed did not notice it. The man that entered was her husband who was cautiously entering the bedroom in fear of waking his wife and upon glancing on the bed all caution was thrown to the wind.
Damian rushed to her side the next instant and halfway there she glanced up with her red and puffy eyes to see her husband's pained expression.
He slid beside her, "Baby, what's wrong?" The concern in his eyes was evident.
"There isn't anyone else right?" She asked quietly and understanding washed over his face. "I know you love me, but sometimes– sometimes they are so convincing." She averted her gaze on him.
He cupped her face, "Of course, there is only you. I'm sorry if I've been away so often, father is working me even harder." She looked unconvinced and he caressed her cheek making her look at him, he smiled, "I'm also working really hard on finding better medicine for your condition."
He smiled a bit wider at her surprised expression, "It was difficult to prove to father to give me a team in the medical research company he has. But for you, beloved, I would do everything."
Her eyes welled up, the voices that were telling her things that made her doubt him faded in the background, she hugged him. "I'm sorry." She squeaked.
Damian pulled away to look at her lovingly, "There is nothing to apologize for." He kissed her forehead. "I'm going to take a quick shower and hop right into bed with you."
She nodded and let go of him. He got up and went to the bathroom. He then turned around to look at her with a soft smile and gave her a little wave and she couldn't help but feel shy and giggle. Eventually, he disappeared into the bathroom just to emerge five seconds later, looking at her with wide eyes and a loosened necktie around his chest.
She tilted her head in confusion.
"Why don't you wait for me inside?" His eyes were eagerly waiting for her to respond and with only a few strides he was already halfway to her.
She knew his body language well and even before his arm was halfway raised, she was already ready to take his hand. He smiled at her, taking her hand gently with his and helping her up the bed.
With a firm hold on her hand he brought them to the bathroom and he lifted her up to sit on the end of the two sink counters they had.
He smiled with his hands still on her waist, "Wait for me here, I will be very quick." He leaned onto her and she hummed giving a small nod.
He kissed her on the lips and nibbled on her lower lip for a moment, "I will be right back."
Damian pulled away and turned around to hurriedly strip and jump into the shower. And he was serious when he said that he would be quick. It was insane. She felt like she only blinked and he was already stepping out of the shower.
Raven laughed, "Did you even wash up properly?"
"Of course!" He walked to her a white towel dangerously low on his hips. "But my wife was waiting, I didn't want to take too long." His hands were back on her waist as he smiled at her with his white teeth.
When he acts like this the voices would be gone and she would not question his love for her and her sanity. She smiled back at him.
"Help me with my skincare?" He asked her.
"Okay." She agreed immediately.
He leaned to her, putting one hand on the counter the other on her back as he kissed her, then the hand on her back reached out for his skincare things for his face and she gently applied them on him.
"You are so handsome." She said rubbing the cream onto his skin, his eyes stuck on her face.
"And you Mrs. Wayne is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on." The hands that were on her hips brushed over her pelvic bone.
The two stared at each other with love.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Damian was true to his words when he said he'd give her the best. The meds, the doctors, the psychiatrists. She had her private sessions and he had his to match hers and they even had couple therapy to work with her condition and their marriage.
He maximized his resources for her and today they were in their couple therapy. Without fail he always had a hand over hers and he was never a centimeter away from her body. He pressed her shoulder against his with his hand on her shoulder.
"Can you please tell me what happened?" The female psychiatrist said.
Raven huddled against him, the hand on hers rubbing the back of her hand gently, "It's okay, baby, you can tell the doctor." She looked at him with watery eyes. "Hey, you can take as long as you want." He raised her hand and kissed the back of her hand.
She nodded and sighed aloud, "The creatures said that he would get tired of me…you know the same old thing. I know what they say isn't true, but they can be rather convincing…" She placed her free hand on top of his hand that was holding her other hand, brushing his fingers gently.
Damian kissed her temple and then kissed her again.
"What about the incident with the scissors?" Raven froze upon the question and her body shivered. He held her closer to him with a small squeeze.
She started crying, "They said they wanted to hurt him." She sobbed. "I don't want that."
The doctor across from them wrote on her clipboard.
And Damian was always supportive and comforting to her.
"You won't hurt me as long as you stay healthy and safe." Damian whispered beside her and she nodded.
"I'm sorry." She wept and he cupped her face.
"Baby, it's not your fault. Shh…" He kissed her head and then hugged her and he glanced at the doctor.
When Raven had the scissors episode, he gently told her that he would have to have guards around her and she wouldn't be allowed near any sharp objects and she understood where he was coming from. She wasn't angry with him.
"Then what about the talk of divorce?" The doctor asked and Raven felt how her husband stiffened at the mention of divorce.
"I…" She found her body started to shake. "When I think about it. It made sense. I wasn't like this before…" She closed her eyes, head casted down on her lap. "It only got worse after I met him."
Raven felt how his wrist flinched at her words.
"Well…" The doctor studied the couple carefully.
When the session ended Damian thanked the doctor. Raven suddenly pressed herself against Damian, one arm around his waist the other clenching his shirt just above his belly button.
"Look at how the two are looking at each other."
"Oh. Maybe his other woman is the doctor."
She pressed her lips together rubbing her forehead against his shoulder.
"Are you sleepy?" He gently asked. And she nodded against his body. Refusing to acknowledge the voices.
"I had plans for us." Damian added and she looked up eagerly.
"I can sleep in the car. Let's continue with your plans." She pouted and he smiled down.
"Okay." He kissed the top of her head. "We will be going back now, doc."
In the car, Raven was actually feeling sleepy, her head was nodding off and Damian couldn't help but chuckle. He gently touched her face and laid her head against his shoulder.
"It's okay, you can close your eyes, beloved, I will wake you." His thumb caressed her cheek.
"Hmm…" She started to let the sleepiness take over.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Raven was upset, she couldn't control herself. The moment she saw Damian she stalked him and pushed him harshly.
"Where have you been!" Her eyes were red and the voices were making her see things she hated.
Him with other people.
"Who were you with!" She screamed.
Damian was more than surprised but he did not get mad at his wife.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He tried to reach out for her but she quickly pulled away and slapped his wrist away.
She shook her head as she turned around with her hands on her temples, "Make it stop!"
Her husband frowned looking at her small shaking back.
He had met with her doctor recently and she gave him Raven's new prescription, this was likely the side effects.
Damian simply walked to her and hugged her from behind, kissing her shoulder.
Later that night when she waited in bed while Damian showered. She looked lost and then glanced up the moment he entered the bedroom from their bathroom door.
"I'm sorry. I overreacted." Her eyes were tearful and he quickly dashed to her and jumped to the bed pulling her into his arms.
"Oh, baby, no you didn't." He consoled her as she shook his head.
"Don't lie to me." She tried to push him away.
"Baby," He watched her frown deepen, "Beloved, look at me please."
She glanced at him.
His gorgeous green eyes were pouring every drop of love he had for her into her violet eyes that were clearly filled with guilt.
It was times like this, when the voices would subside and would retreat in silence for days. The way he looked at her would be etched into the forefront of her mind which she can't ignore. And they can't convince her that his love for her was fake.
They had no ammo against her when he looked at her like this. It reminded her that they were so wrong about her husband.
His fingers carefully caressed her soft wet cheeks.
~.~.~.~.~.~
FIN (for now).