Olivia is completely disoriented as she fights to free herself from the confining arms of slumber that are wrapped so tightly around her and struggle back to reality, aware that she has been pulled from the murky depths of her own bad dreams and straight into a waking nightmare. She doesn't remember turning any of the lamps or the TV off before slipping beneath the veil of unconsciousness, and the puzzling absence of light in the living room is so acute that Olivia cannot see a foot in front of her face.
For a brief, bizarre second in her muddled, half-awake state, she is convinced that she has somehow lost her sight while sleeping; either that or she is still being blindfolded by William Lewis, similar to what had been happening in her dreams. And although her sight seems to have been compromised, there is certainly nothing wrong with her hearing. The screaming in the room has hit a deafening peak, and is so loud and all-consuming in its intensity that Olivia has to resist the urge to reach up and clamp her hands over her ears to make the horrific sound stop.
It takes her a moment to realize exactly what is going on: that the power must have gone out sometime over the last little while, unknowingly plunging them into darkness while they have been snoozing; this being an unfortunately frequent occurrence in her building, especially during the winter months, and that her sudden lack of sight is not an indication of spontaneous blindness or being blindfolded by a dead man. Olivia remembers that Amanda had been curled up beside her underneath the same blanket, the two of them unsuccessfully trying to focus on the second romantic comedy of the evening but unable to keep their eyes open due to exhaustion and eventually succumbing to some much-needed rest. The younger woman is no longer snuggled up next to her on the cushions, though, and seems to have vacated the couch altogether, according to the direction of the tormented cries.
Olivia heaves her fatigued body off the couch to stand on slightly trembling legs and tries to pull herself together, her heart still racing in her chest from the unexpected intrusion into her slumber and being yanked so violently from a sound sleep. Based on what she had been dreaming about, she supposes she should be grateful for the interruption, but can't bring herself to be entirely thankful for it as she listens to the anguished sounds emanating from the corner of the room.
She is intent on locating her colleague in this all-encompassing darkness and calming her down, sure that Amanda is trapped within the clutches of her own terrible nightmare, when a sudden pounding on the other side of the wall has Olivia stopping short in surprise, her breath catching momentarily in her throat and the screaming instantly ceasing to exist. There is complete and utter silence in the room for all of one second, before a tirade of complaints and a litany of obscenities start pouring in from the next apartment.
"Shut the fuck up in there, you bitch, or I'm calling the cops! Some of us are actually trying to sleep in this fucking building!" an irate female voice shrieks, and Olivia just rolls her eyes and sighs deeply in response, neglecting to mention for about the hundredth time that she is a cop, and feeling a hint of disgust that Amanda's agonized wails would be cause for annoyed, offended shouting in return, instead of fear or concern or sympathy from the other party.
It does not come as a shock to her, though, considering who it is that resides on the other side of the wall; the person living next door one of the most miserable people Olivia has ever had the misfortune of knowing. Her neighbor is a tiny, angry-at-the-world, rat-faced woman of indeterminate age, who can somehow appear to be anywhere from about thirty years old to sixty, depending on what she has chosen to wear and how she has applied her makeup and done her hair. She is an unpleasant, eccentric person whose chosen profession seems to change by the day, having told Olivia on various occasions that she is anywhere from an artist to a stripper to a high-powered attorney but who seems to spend most of her days at home smoking cigarettes and blaring new-age music, and can never seem to remember that Olivia is part of the police force, no matter how many times they have had that particular discussion.
Olivia is about to yell back an apology, even though her neighbor certainly doesn't deserve one, when the woman seems to realize that the power has gone out, indicating the issue is not relegated to Olivia's apartment alone; her screeching complaints grinding to a halt and instantly switching to the more important topic at hand. She can hear the woman on her phone now, likely calling their long-suffering superintendent who lives on the ground floor and has to put up with her neighbor's whining on a daily basis, bitching about needing to have the TV on while she sleeps, and Olivia sighs in relief before turning her attention back to her detective.
"Amanda?" she asks softly, looking for any indication that the other woman is still in the corner of the room, but there is no noise whatsoever coming from that direction now.
The utter absence of sound in the living room is almost as deafening as the tortured screaming had been earlier, and Olivia can feel goosebumps popping out along her arms, the hair on the back of her neck rising to stand at attention. She blinks hard, trying to get the room to come into better focus, but the darkness only pools in her eyes and seems to become thicker.
"Amanda, honey?" she tries again, taking a tentative step in the direction she had last heard the screams, but there is absolutely no movement at all, and if the room had not previously been filled with such a cacophonous noise, Olivia would swear that she is alone in the apartment. "Are you okay?"
"Turn on the lights," a small, raspy voice suddenly whispers, coming from the direction of the floor.
"I can't, the power has gone out," Olivia explains gently, squinting in vain to catch a glimpse of the younger woman, but there is only a seemingly infinite amount of inky blackness. "I'm sure it will be back on soon, though. Just stay right where you are, alright? Let me come to you and I'll guide you back to couch, so you don't fall over anything. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
"Turn on the lights now," Amanda pleads as if Olivia has not spoken at all, the terrified desperation very apparent in the other woman's tone, and Olivia's heart breaks for her.
"Honey, did you hear what I just said?" she replies patiently. "The power has gone out, but I'm sure it's only temporary and will be back on shortly. This kind of thing happens a lot in this building."
"Turn on the lights," Amanda begs yet again, still giving no indication whatsoever that she is even aware of Olivia speaking. "Please."
"Amanda, listen to what I am telling you." Olivia's voice is slightly more stern now and she feels like they are talking in circles. "I know you're scared but we have lost the power and unfortunately, I can't do anything to fix that. Just give me a minute to try and find my cell phone, okay?"
There are continuous high-pitched squeaks of terror coming from the corner of the room now, a sound that has Olivia's hair standing on end once again, broken intermittently by harsh inhales of air that are quickly followed by ragged exhales of breath. She fumbles around in the pitch black, stubbing her toe on a leg of the coffee table and muttering a quick string of curse words under breath, figuring the bruise that is now blooming on that part of her body will perfectly match the ones on her thigh that Amanda had unknowingly inflicted upon her earlier in the evening, her lower extremities exploding into a brilliant painting of every color of the rainbow.
Olivia leans down to sweep an arm across the length of the smooth wooden surface, hurriedly trying to locate her phone while murmuring soothing words to the distressed woman in the corner. Judging by the frantic, gasping sounds that she can hear, Amanda appears to be continuing to unravel at a very alarming rate, and Olivia is desperate to calm her down before her next door neighbor starts shrieking again and actuallydoescall the police this time, and because her heart feels as if it's shattering into a million pieces as she listens to the anguished cries.
Olivia is swamped with relief when her fingers finally brush up against the rectangular-shaped object she has been searching for and swipes her cell phone off the table with one hand hand, her thumb stroking quickly across the screen so the living room is suddenly illuminated with a small but powerful burst of light. She squints briefly as the bright glare assaults her eyes, turning the screen away from her face and pointing it into the room so that she can locate Amanda's exact whereabouts, shining the light slowly over each piece furniture until her hand comes to a stop and her throat tightens at what she sees.
Amanda is curled up into a little ball in the corner of the room beside the television cabinet, her legs folded protectively into her chest and her face buried against her knees, one hand locked around her shins and the other fisted into her long blonde hair, fingers twirling repeatedly around the strands and tangling the delicate locks into vicious knots. There is a steady whimpering emitting from that direction now, Amanda appearing so tiny and frightened and fragile that Olivia has to gulp down a sudden wave of tears as she observes this new and bizarre version of her detective. She has never seen Amanda act this way before, her current behavior entirely unrecognizable and in complete opposition to the sassy confidence that she usually portrays at the precinct, sometimes to the point of impatient anger or resigned annoyance on Olivia's part.
Olivia realizes that they are both still dressed in their work outfits; no-nonsense blouses and slacks, and that Amanda's blazer looks to be strewn across the floor between them, the other woman's clothing appearing quite rumpled in the harsh light from her phone. She is feeling pretty disheveled herself, dark hair mussed and sticking up at odd angles around her head, blouse partially untucked from her pants and wrinkled blazer slung haphazardly over the arm of the couch.
Olivia decides that her first priority will be trying to coax Amanda out of the state she has worked herself into and getting her calmed down to the point where she can explain what has happened, before finding something comfortable for the detective to wear for the rest of the night. A glance at her phone screen indicates that they are now into the wee hours of the morning but still have quite some time before they need to start their day, so Olivia resolves to get Amanda warm and comfortable and feeling safe as quickly as possible, so she can continue to get the rest that she so desperately needs before continuing on with Patton's trial later that day.
"Hey, honey," Olivia says softly, crouching gingerly on the floor with her hands in the air but careful not to get too close when she hears Amanda let out another alarmed squeak. "You're safe, okay? You're in my apartment with me and everything is fine. You were just having a bad dream and when you woke up, the power was out, so that's why it's so dark." She pauses for a moment but Amanda's face is still buried in her knees, the younger woman giving absolutely no indication that she is even listening. "Can you look at me, please?"
There is no response and Olivia watches the violent shudders running through Amanda's body, choosing to slide imperceptibly closer to her on the floor. "Hey there, honey, can you look at me, please?" she repeats gently, fighting the urge to reach out and lay her hand on a small, quivering shoulder blade. "I just want to make sure you're okay."
Amanda slowly raises her head and meets her gaze, Olivia quickly aiming the cell phone away from her so she is not blinded by the intense brightness of the screen. The younger woman has that same deer-in-the-headlights look in her eyes again, like she had outside of Dr. Lindstrom's office earlier; blinking like she doesn't know where she is, and Olivia's heart aches for her, unable to stop herself from moving even closer to the traumatized detective.
"It's okay," she whispers soothingly, her hand hovering hesitantly in the air between them for a second before lowering down to rest lightly on top of Amanda's wild blonde hair, the other woman's chin resting on her knees now, blue eyes emanating a mixture of confusion and fear.
"I really want the lights on," Amanda whimpers plaintively and Olivia sighs, gently beginning to work her fingers through the unruly long locks beneath her hand, Amanda having done quite an impressive job of snarling the golden strands so thoroughly together in the course of her nightmare that there now appears to be one giant nest of hair sitting atop her head.
"I'm sorry, honey, I really am. Hopefully the power will be back on soon, but until then we can light candles or use flashlights or our phone screens to be able to see properly, okay?" Olivia begins pulling away and slowly getting to her feet, intent on guiding Amanda up with her and finding a solution to her sudden terror of the dark, when the detective's next words put a complete halt to her movements.
"He wouldn't let me turn the lights on."
Olivia freezes in mid-air, her legs locked momentarily at the knee before lowering herself back down onto the floor next to Amanda, who is still huddled into the corner in a tiny ball of quaking limbs. "Who wouldn't let you turn the lights on?" she asks softly, figuring she already knows the answer.
"We fell asleep, didn't we?" Amanda suddenly says, neglecting to respond to the question and instead asking one of her own, but beginning to sound a bit more alert now. "In front of the TV? We were watching a movie?"
"Yes, that's exactly what we were doing," Olivia replies encouragingly, a tendril of relief breaking through the knot of stress and worry that is coiled tightly inside her stomach. "We both fell asleep on the couch while the movie was still playing."
There is silence for a long moment, Olivia listening to Amanda's harsh breathing as they sit there side by side on the floor, the light from the screen of her cell phone the only bright spot in an otherwise deep pool of blackness. She can tell the other woman is still somewhat confused about her circumstances and what is currently happening; likely continuing to have trouble pulling herself entirely free from whatever had been haunting her in her nightmares, and she waits patiently for Amanda to speak again before suggesting that they get up and go in search of some candles and flashlights. When she feels Amanda shudder against her, Olivia takes a chance and slowly eases an arm around her shoulders, careful not to startle her while she pulls the younger woman against her side and wraps her other arm around the small, shaking frame so that she is cocooned within her warm embrace.
"Liv?" Amanda whispers as she leans slightly into Olivia's body, prompting her to tighten the gentle hold she has around her.
"Yes, honey?"
"I really am here with you right now, aren't I?" Amanda's voice sounds somewhat uncertain, like she is wavering back and forth between what is real and what isn't, and can't seem to come to a firm decision. "I'm in your apartment with you and nowhere else? I'm not with anyone else?"
"Oh, Amanda." Olivia's tone is somewhat choked up when she answers and she rapidly blinks away a tear that is hovering at the edge of her lower lashes, threatening to break loose and roll down her cheek. "Yes, you are right here with me, I promise. It was just a bad dream. It's just you and me, safe and sound in my cozy apartment."
"Okay." The smaller woman's voice has taken on a slight squeak again, as if she isn't entirely sure that she can believe what her sergeant is saying and is desperately trying to convince herself that she is indeed here in the present situation and not stuck somewhere in the past.
"Where is it that you think you are?" Olivia asks gently, although she is pretty sure she knows the answer to that question too. "What are you so afraid of?"
She feels Amanda stiffen against her and then shrug, the other woman's head lowering down as if in shame.
"You're not there," Olivia assures her softly. "You're not in that motel room with him, Amanda. It was a nightmare but it's over now. It's not real."
"It was real," Amanda chokes out in a voice so low that Olivia has to strain to hear her.
"I know it was real. But it happened in the past, it's not happening now." Olivia can't seem to stop herself from leaning down and pressing a light kiss to the top of Amanda's bent head, desperate to bring her some sort of comfort. "I think it would help if you could see your surroundings and know for sure that that's not where you are right now, okay?" Olivia continues gently. "So why don't we get up and light some candles, so we can get rid of a bit of this darkness until the power comes back on? Then you'll see that we're just in my apartment and not in that motel room."
"I feel so stupid," Amanda mutters fainty, the shame now evident not only in her actions but in her voice as well. "The nightmares are just so real sometimes..."
"I know. It's okay," Olivia says gently, rising slowly to her feet and pulling Amanda up with her, both arms wrapped very firmly around her waist, as Amanda is shaking so hard she can barely remain upright. "And you're not stupid," she adds quietly. "I know how real they can seem, and how sometimes you just need a bit of time to convince yourself that you're safe at home and not back in that horrible place."
"I'm really sorry for everything you had to go through with Lewis, Liv," Amanda whispers in a heartfelt tone as they carefully work their way back over to the couch, Olivia deliberately guiding the younger woman around furniture and potted plants so she doesn't trip over anything in the dark and risk hurting herself.
"I wasn't talking about me." Olivia is aware that her statement is not entirely true, her chest tightening as a close-up of her own personal monster suddenly flashes through her mind, the image of William Lewis' hideous face never entirely fading away, the features of the man who had tortured her more than once seemingly imprinted upon her brain for all eternity.
She feels Amanda's grip tighten around her body, thumbs stroking softly against her sides, as if she knows exactly where Olivia's thoughts have strayed and is trying to provide some of her own comfort in return. "Yes, you were," she answers softly. "You were talking about both of us, Liv. You were speaking from experience."
Olivia is lowering Amanda into a sitting position on the couch and is about to respond to what she has just said, touched by her concern and empathy, when the detective is suddenly clinging onto her with all her might, Amanda's arms snaking around her hips and holding on with a surprisingly strong grip, as if intending on never letting go.
"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Olivia asks in alarm, pausing in the act of helping the other woman sit down on the cushions and hoisting her quickly back up to her feet so she can gather Amanda into her protective embrace once again.
"I just- I just-" Amanda seems unable to get the words out, stuttering as she speaks, and there is a hint of embarrassment in her tone as she grasps forcefully onto the back of Olivia's rumpled blouse, like she is afraid of being abandoned on the couch and left by herself in the dark.
"You just what?" Olivia urges gently.
"I just don't want to be left alone," Amanda murmurs in response, her head hanging down again in shame and a long tangle of hair obscuring what little Olivia can see of her delicate features by the light of the phone screen.
"Oh, honey, I'm not leaving you alone," Olivia assures her, pulling the smaller woman against her chest and giving her a hug. "I was just going into the kitchen to get the flashlights and candles. I thought it would be easier if you sat right here on the couch while I did that. Don't worry, I'll just be in the next room for a minute and then I'll come right back."
"I want to come with you," Amanda says hurriedly, her tongue practically tripping over her words in her haste to articulate what she needs. "I mean..." She trails off for a moment, the embarrassment and shame much more apparent when she continues speaking. "In case you need help with anything, I mean."
"Okay," Olivia replies after a pause, her heart aching at how obviously frightened Amanda still is, even though she appears to have shaken herself entirely free from her nightmare now. "I do have quite the collection of candles, so I could definitely use some help."
She catches the barest hint of a smile gracing Amanda's lips as she directs her cell phone past the detective's body, aiming the light toward the kitchen so they can see where they're going. It ends up being quite a laborious process as they fumble around in the dark, first trying to locate the flashlights and then the candles and lighters, everything they need seeming to be scattered throughout the kitchen in separate drawers and cupboards, Olivia coming to the realization that she needs a much better organizational system in the kitchen, especially since these power outages seem to be happening more frequently now.
They work their way slowly from room to room with the help of the flashlights, setting up candles wherever they think they might be needed throughout the night, careful not to light too many, as Olivia does not want to risk accidentally knocking one over before the power comes back on, or letting them burn right down to the nub and starting a fire in the apartment. She decides that she will not be getting much sleep for the rest of the night, as the thought of unattended candles in her home leaves a somewhat uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she doesn't want Amanda's extreme fear of the dark to keep her from getting more rest, so she will keep them lit until the younger woman can drift off to sleep again. Along with the intense need she now has to watch over Amanda and keep her safe and warm while she slumbers, Olivia figures it is going to be quite a long and exhausting day at the precinct and in court, due to her severe lack of sleep.
Once Olivia gets Amanda settled back onto the couch, the blanket tucked snugly around her shivering body, she calls her superintendent to report the power outage, even though she knows he has already been informed by her irate next door neighbor and is assured that he has already called the power company and they are looking into the situation. Olivia is used to this routine by now, as this seems to be happening more often lately, and she says goodnight to the superintendent who promises that this problem will soon be rectified once and for all, and she rolls her eyes at his usual spiel, hoping the issue is fixed before they have to get up for work in a few hours.
When she is done her phone call, Olivia sits down on the couch beside her colleague, Amanda still looking a little jumpy and ill at ease but appearing to be doing quite a bit better than she had been earlier, and reaches out to place a gentle hand on her knee. "How are you doing there, honey?"
"I'm okay," Amanda says softly, a small hand poking out from the confines of the blanket to rub sleepily across one of her eyes, reminding Olivia once again of an innocent and tired little girl, and she has to swallow down a sudden intense wave of sorrow and rage when she thinks of what must have gone on between Amanda and Patton in that motel room five years prior, the older man pinning the young detective to the bed and hurting her.
Olivia swipes a weary hand over her face, trying not to let herself become consumed with thoughts of what Amanda might have gone through, as she doesn't even know the majority of the details, so there is no point in letting her mind wander in that disturbing direction. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling a little better," she replies lightly, careful not to let the emotions show in her expression and just wanting to keep things as calm as possible for the rest of the night. "I think we should try to get some sleep now. It's really late and we have a long and busy day tomorrow."
"Don't remind me," Amanda mutters with a sigh, Olivia gazing at her sympathetically and watching the flicker of candlelight play across her pale features, the shadows dancing over the wall of the living room behind her.
"If you think you're going to be okay right here on the couch, I'm going to head back to my bedroom," she says a bit uneasily, making a move to get to her feet. "I'll find something for you to wear for the night and you can get changed in the bathroom."
"Okay," Amanda agrees in a seemingly nonchalant tone, but there is the barest hint of hesitation in the other woman's voice that has Olivia stopping in her tracks and turning back toward her.
Amanda is slumped against the cushions and huddled so far beneath the blanket that the fuzzy material is obscuring everything except her small face and rat's nest of blonde hair and again, Olivia is taken aback by her sheer vulnerability, unable to get used to this usually well-hidden side of Amanda's personality that is so rarely made available to her. She knows that underneath all of that false bravado lies a terrified woman who doesn't want to be left alone, but who is also loathe to be seen as a clingy or needy, so she decides to let Amanda keep some of her dignity intact by admitting something private about herself.
"You know, I was having some pretty bad dreams of my own right before we woke up, and I don't really feel like spending the night all by myself," Olivia hedges carefully as shifts back and forth from one foot to the other in front of the couch, noticing Amanda arching a suspicious eyebrow at her in return. "If you think you would be okay sleeping in a bed tonight, I can sleep on the floor, so you don't feel unsafe."
Amanda is gazing up at her with a somewhat amused expression now, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "You're a little transparent there, Olivia," she chuckles. "I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it. I'm not kicking you out of your own bed, though, and you're certainly not sleeping on the floor, especially while the power is out." There is a pause and Olivia looks down at her colleague expectantly. "I suppose we can share the bed, though. It's only for a few more hours, anyway."
"Are you sure?" Olivia wants to be absolutely certain that the younger woman does not feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way. "I know you haven't been sleeping in a bed since Patton arrived in New York but since it's only for a little while, maybe it will be okay, just this once."
"Well, the couch doesn't seem to be working out much better for me, anyway," Amanda replies with a smirk and a self-deprecating shrug. "I might as well try the bed."
Olivia smiles and holds out a hand for her to grasp onto, helping Amanda unwrap herself from the blanket and get to her feet, and they head back to Olivia's bedroom hand in hand, in search of something more comfortable for her to sleep in, Amanda's work outfit now thoroughly creased and rumpled.
When they are settled side by side in Olivia's big bed, Amanda clad in a borrowed pair of flannel pajamas and Olivia wearing a nightgown, she finds the atmosphere in the bedroom to be much more relaxed than the one in the living room, the flickering candlelight adding a soothing ambiance to the space and her colleague seeming more calm than she had been earlier. Amanda is running a hand through her tangled blonde locks, her fingers continually getting caught in the snarled strands, and Olivia snickers gently, taking pity on her and passing the younger woman a brush from the nightstand, knowing Amanda doesn't have any of her own toiletries with her, as this sleepover had been quite unexpected.
"Here you go," she says helpfully.
"What's this for?" Amanda asks as she takes the brush from Olivia's hand and stares down at the object with a puzzled frown, like she has no idea what to do with it.
Olivia rolls her eyes and chuckles, gesturing to the golden heap of hair laying atop the other woman's head. "For your little problem, there. Your little nest."
"My little what?" Amanda replies with an raised eyebrow, Olivia chuckling again.
"For that bird's nest you seem to have growing out of your head," she laughs in response, amused at the dirty look Amanda shoots in her direction. "You're not even going to be able to get through that mess in the morning, if you don't do something about it now."
Amanda rolls her eyes right back at her and takes the brush from Olivia's hand, beginning to work it through the impressive tangle of knots. "Yes, Mom," she sighs in return, Olivia giving her a smirk.
"So that next door neighbor of yours is quite a piece of work, isn't she?" Olivia notices Amanda wince as she drags the brush over a particularly matted tuft of blonde hair while they talk.
"That she is," Olivia confirms as she shakes her head in disgust. "Sorry about her reaction, honey. It wasn't your fault."
"Well, actually it was my fault," Amanda corrects as the brushing of her hair becomes sightly more vigorous now. "Do you think that's the first time something like that has happened? I'm getting to be pretty well known in my own building for my epically loud nightmares, especially since Patton came to town. Although my neighbors are little more understanding than yours." There is a weighty pause and a deep breath. "It sure doesn't make it any less embarrassing, though," she adds in a whisper.
Olivia observes the other woman in silence for a moment, unable to stop herself from flinching sharply as Amanda is now yanking the brush through her hair with enough strength to rip the delicate strands right from the roots. She senses that they should put a stop to this particular line of conversation, as Amanda appears to be getting quite agitated again, so she takes the brush away from the younger woman with a gentle hand and then slides behind her on the bed, bracing herself against the headboard.
"Can I help?" Olivia asks softly, watching as Amanda hesitates and then nods, and she raises the brush up to the mangled golden tresses, tenderly and methodically beginning to work her way through each and every snarled knot.
It hurts to hear how much Amanda has been suffering since Deputy Chief Patton had arrived in New York, and that Olivia had been none the wiser, too caught up in her own personal issues to take notice of the fact that one of her subordinates had begun unraveling at the seams and was quite swiftly falling to pieces, all of it taking place right under her nose. She wants to apologize, wants to beg for forgiveness, wants to assure Amanda that things will be different between them from now on and that the younger woman can come to her for anything she needs, anytime she wants to talk and get something off her chest, or if she just wants someone there with her so she doesn't have to be alone.
These thoughts remain hidden inside Olivia's mind, though, choosing not to speak them aloud, as she seems to have lulled Amanda into a more peaceful state of being. The detective is slumped over and relaxed in front of her, shoulders and head drooping comfortably while she continues her gentle ministrations, finally beginning to work the brush through the silky blonde hair with a little more ease.
There is an calm, pleasant quiet residing between them now, Amanda clearly enjoying being pampered as much as Olivia is enjoying doing it for, guessing that she doesn't let down her guard enough to allow other people to take care of her very often. Olivia gives another long sweep through the golden locks and her eyes catch sight of something in the middle of Amanda's scalp, a pinkish-white line that stretches across part of the back of her head.
"What's this?" Olivia asks softly, running her fingertips lightly over the scar and feeling Amanda shiver in response.
"Just a little present from Patton," Amanda mumbles dryly after a tense beat of silence. "From when he banged my head against the headboard in the motel room. Something to always remember him by."
Olivia is quiet for a moment, her heart aching and her throat tightening, staring at the back of Amanda's head and watching as the other woman curls into herself, hunching over on the bed and wrapping her arms around her stomach, as if trying to protect herself from a sudden onslaught of unwanted memories.
"I'm so sorry, honey," Olivia whispers as she places the brush down on the bed and reaches up to grasp lightly onto Amanda's upper arms, squeezing gently and trying to convey through this simple touch the enormous amount of empathy that is surging through her once again on her colleague's behalf. That familiar sorrow and rage floods her system with the knowledge that Amanda had been hurt like this; that the offending mark is likely one of others that reside on her small body, and again she can't stop her thoughts from wandering to that night, wondering exactly what had happened between Amanda and her former boss.
She hears a slight sniffle in front of her, Olivia's stomach tightening in response to the detective's overwhelming sadness, and she carefully slides her arms around her waist from behind, easing Amanda back against her chest. She holds her there for a moment, feeling the stiffness of Amanda's body and willing her to relax and accept the much-needed comfort, but ready to pull away at a second's notice if she tells her to let go or tries to escape her grasp.
To Olivia's grateful surprise, instead of breaking out of her embrace and fleeing the room, Amanda melts into her body bit by bit, her limbs gradually relaxing and becoming more comfortable in this intimate position, and Olivia leans them back against the headboard, tucking the blankets around their entwined bodies.
She hears another sniffle coming from in front of her, and Olivia slowly begins rock the smaller woman back and forth in her embrace, her heart breaking for the terrible things Amanda has been forced to endure. "It's okay," she murmurs softly into her ear. "I've got you. It's okay."
A dry sob suddenly breaks free from Amanda's throat and Olivia leans down to get a glimpse of her face, peering over her shoulder to see Amanda's eyes squeezed shut in agony, her features pinched and blotchy as her limbs shake with so much pent-up emotion, and she decides to take a chance.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Olivia asks gently, fully expecting her offer to be rejected once again and immensely relieved when she sees Amanda's answering nod.