He glanced at her, smiling as she sucked on the sixth orange popsicle in a row, while he tucked into a bowl of takeout noodles.
"Are you sure you don't want some?" he asked, offering his bowl to her.
"I am fine, thank you. And I do not think it would go well with these," she laughed, waving the popsicle in his face. He let out a chuckle. "Thank you, by the way. You did not have to do this."
"I wanted to," he replied, the corners of his lips turning up.
There was a comfortable silence between them as he finished his dish, scooping up every last noodle in the bowl. She smiled to herself as she watched him, a memory of the two of them eating noodles at his desk together flickering into her consciousness. It was hard to believe how far they had come over the years. If someone had told her when they had first met that she would be sitting in his kitchen and carrying his baby, she would have laughed in your face. This ran even more true several years later when their relationship had been tried and tested to its limit, right before he found her in Somalia. They had been through hell and back together.
But now, there she was... sitting in his kitchen and carrying his baby, and she couldn't imagine wanting anything - or anyone - else.
He cleared away his plate and picked up the bottle of wine, emptying the contents of it down the drain.
"What are you doing?" she asked, with a quizzical look on her face. She knew that the wine he purchased was expensive and it was not like him to waste it. "Are you not going to finish that?"
"While you're here and pregnant? That seems a little insensitive considering you can't drink."
"It does not bother me if you wish to finish it," she shrugged.
"Well, it bothers me," he replied. "And I was only really drinking for one reason... speaking of which, you still haven't answered the question."
Truthfully, she was hesitant to do so. What did this mean for them? Of course they knew they were in love, but if she agreed to stay, did that mean they were a couple? There was so many things that they had to navigate, and so many things they had to discuss... about the baby, about them. It felt overwhelming. She figured if she hadn't been pregnant, she would have run for the hills. But she was, and it changed everything for them. They were forever tethered together by the life growing inside of her. A not-so-invisible string knotting itself around their hearts.
"Because I perhaps still do not quite know the answer," she admitted. "I know I love you and I know I want this baby with you."
"But you don't know whether you want tobewith me?'
She nodded. "I have never... I do not know how to..." she sighed, attempting to find the right words to explain things to him. "Every man I have ever truly loved has ended up dead."
His eyes glimmered with understanding. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him. It was that she did, but wondered at what cost. "You're afraid something will happen to me."
She nodded. "I have never loved anybody the way I love you, and I do not think I would survive if I lost you."
He gulped at her admission. It was unusual for them to be so frank about their feelings, but perhaps this was simply an extension of the post-elevator them.
"What makes you think you're going to lose me?"
"You are a federal agent, Tony. Danger is in the job description," she half-laughed. "I know you are good at what you do, but it is not without risk."
"Then I'll quit," he replied, firmly.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I'll quit. I'll find something else. Something less dangerous."
"But you love your job," she said, raising her eyebrow.
"I do," he nodded. "But I love you more."
She smiled at him. "I would not want you to resent me."
"I wouldn't. This wouldn't be you forcing me into something I don't want. It would bemychoice," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Honestly, without you there it feels like I've overstayed my welcome."
"You are just missing googling me from my desk," she teased.
"The term isogling," he corrected, "but you're not wrong. I do miss that. But it just doesn't feel..."
"Worth it anymore?"
He shook his head. "You know when we handed in our badges this summer and I found you in Israel, I contemplated not going back. But you didn't want me to stay with you, so I did."
"So, you are blaming me for this?" she asked.
"Not at all," he shook his head again. "I'm just saying that I've been thinking about what I really want for a while, and I'm not sure being a federal agent is it anymore."
She bit her lip. "Say you did leave your job. What exactly would you do? You cannot pay bills if you are unemployed."
"There's the inheritance from Uncle Crispin which would cover us here for a couple of months. And then maybe we could sublet this place and we could look for somewhere new?"
"We?" she asked in surprise, with raised eyebrows.
"Well, as much as I love this apartment, I don't think it's quite big enough for three people – you, me, and the baby."
"You want us to live together?"
"I just asked you to stay with me. What did you think I meant?"
"Stay with you. Not...livewith you."
"Is there a difference?"
"Yes," she nodded, "a massive one. You are not just asking me to stay. You are asking me forcommitment."
He gestured for her to stand up, to which she obeyed. He walked closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and she softly rested her chin against his chest, listening to him as he spoke.
"I know this is scary for you. It's scary for me too. And I know I haven't really been Mr. Committed in the past with the string of girlfriends and one night stands I've had... but I'm not that guy anymore, and you know it. This time it will be different, because it's withyou.It's always been different with you." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "We can take this slow. But I want you here, at all hours of the day," he sighed, with a smile. "I want to go to every doctor's visit and sonogram with you. I want to be here when the baby kicks for the first time, and watch you laugh at me while I attempt to build a crib from scratch before calling Gibbs for help. I want to be there for you to curse in Hebrew and break my fingers when you go into labor," he laughed. "I want to be there to hold him or her the moment they're born, and watch them take their first steps," he paused, this time pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know I've not really been great with kids in the past and I might not know how to be a father yet, but I'll figure it out. But I want to figure it out with you. We can... grow as we go, so to speak."
Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at him. "You are going to make a wonderful father," she replied with a smile. "And I want to figure this out with you, too. Grow, together."
He grinned. "So, you'll stay here with me?'
SHe bit her lip, contemplating for a moment before she let out a small laugh, and nodded.
He tossed and turned and tossed and turned, attempting to find a position that wouldn't make his back ache come morning. God, he hated sleeping on couches.He checked the time on his phone: 02:00.
After she had agreed to stay with him, it had been late, and her eyes had become heavy. And so, he had offered her the bed, insisting that he would take the couch.
"Tony, we have slept in the same bed before," she protested.
He nodded. "I know. But we've never been... this before, and I don't want to rush into anything."
"I think your child would say that it is a little late for that," she joked, to which he couldn't help but crack a smile.
"I'll be right out here if you need me," he said, softly, before pressing a kiss to her head.
He turned over yet again and sighed, making a mental note to look online for a larger couch in the morning. He closed his eyes, attempting to try and get some sleep before he felt a pair of lips on the nape of his neck. She pressed another peck to his skin and his eyes fluttered (so did his heart), but he did not turn towards her.
"I know you are not sleeping," she said, her lips close to his ear. He bit his lip, smirking, before he turned to face her. She rose to her feet so she was hovering over him.
He sucked in a breath as his eyes trailed over her, illuminated by the glow of the street lamp outside his window. She was dressed in one of his old t-shirts... a shirt he remembered he had taken to Israel with him and couldn't subsequently find upon his return to D.C. A shirt in the perfect colour gray to compliment her olive skin and curly ombre hair which fell around her face so perfectly. A shirt that came to a stop in the middle of her thighs, causing him to gulp. As if she wasn't sexy enough already to him...
"I wondered where that went," were the first words he could mutter to her.
"Oh," she gave a small smile, "I am sorry... you can have it back," she replied, looking down at it and tugging on the hem.
He shook his head. "Keep it. It looks good on you... far better than it has ever looked on me." He flashed her a smirk that caused her heart to thump erratically in her chest, and a blush to creep up her cheeks. "Are you okay?" he asked, his brain finally catching up to her presence in his living room. Was something wrong? Had she thrown up? Did she need snacks?
"I could not sleep," she replied.
"Me neither,'" he chuckled back at her.
"It is no wonder. You hate sleeping on couches and you know your back will ache in the morning."
"Maybe I need a bigger couch," he stated.
"Or maybe you should come to bed with me?" She stretched out her hand to him.
"Ziva, it's a single bed... it's not designed for two people."
"Perhaps not if the two people wish to have some... space between them. But I would like..." she paused, "will you... will you cuddle with me?"
His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her, removing the blanket from himself and allowing her to guide him into the bedroom. She slipped herself beneath the covers and there was a moment of hesitation in his eyes before he joined her. She pressed her body back into him as far as she could and she smiled as he slipped his arms around her waist, his hands coming to rest on her stomach. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his face in her hair, and inhaled – the coconut of her shampoo complimenting the shea butter scent on her skin. God, how he'd missed her.
"I have not been able to sleep properly in three months," she spoke into the air. "The bed in the farmhouse... I had gotten so used to you sleeping beside me that it felt so big without you."
He chuckled into her hair, pressing a kiss to the spot below her ear. "Me too."
"Really?"
"Yeah," he whispered, his voice low and husky. His breath was warm on her skin and it sent tingles down her spine. "As it turns out, I can't sleep without you either." He let out a breathy laugh.
"What's so funny?" she asked.
"I'm just thinking about how I looked at your necklace every night for weeks before I went to bed. I'd close my eyes and remember how I held you in the farmhouse, much like I'm doing now, and if I tried hard enough it was almost like you were next to me. It was the only way I could get to sleep."
"I have slept in this shirt every night since you left." Her voice was soft and small. "I have not washed it because I did not want to lose the smell of you. If I concentrated hard enough, I could remember how it felt to be wrapped in your arms and it was like you were holding me."
She turned over in bed to face him, examining the smile on his face, while her body remained wrapped his his arms. He dipped his head to kiss her, long and slow.
"Ani ohev otah," he whispered.
She pulled back in surprise. I love you in Hebrew.
"I learnt it before you went to bury your father and I wanted to say it to you then but I didn't think it was the right time."
He smiled as her hand reached up to caress his face, before her fingertips tangled in his hair. She contemplated saying something, but instead allowed them to bask in the moment. "Let me take you on a date?" he asked after several moments, breaking the silence.
"A date?"
"Yes. You know. Adate. You and me. I'd like for us to go on at least one proper one before we decide what we are..."
She chuckled. "And what exactly would this date involve?"
He sighed as her fingers massaged his scalp slowly. "Maybe dinner, if you can stomach it?"
"A movie?" she raised her eyebrow.
"Snacks?" he grinned.
"Kissing?" she asked, bringing her lips close to his and planting a peck on them. "Lots of kissing?"
He laughed. "I can certainly see that being a part of it." She placed an open-mouthed kiss to his neck. "Especially if you do that."
"Sex?" she asked, eliciting a cough of surprise from him.
"I..." his face flushed red as a blush crept up his cheeks. "I'm..."
"I am kidding," she laughed, resting her hand on his chest.
"Oh," he chuckled, nervously. Somehow her posing the question in the context of whatever territory they were about to enter, made his heart pound and his stomach flip.
"However," she whispered, softly pulling down the fabric of his shirt to place a small kiss on his chest, "if you find yourself playing your cards right... it is not off the table."
"Ziva David," he began, "did you just use two idioms correctly in a sentence?"
She grinned at him. "Perhaps."
He laughed, pressing a kiss to her lips as she cuddled in closer to him, her eyes fluttering shut. Minutes later, he heard her softly snoring against his chest.
Oh, how he could get used to this.