Author's Note: I am back! We are at 1000 views! I can't believe it! I don't think I've ever had a story reach 1000 views before! I feel so proud and happy that you guys love reading this story as much as I love writing it! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Shout out to my new follower, Meeli233! Thank you for your support! I truly appreciate it! Welcome to the club! :)

Chapter 12

Elena hoisted her pack onto her shoulder and looked down at her bare feet. She wiggled her toes against the stone, frowning. It had been stupid to not retrieve her shoes from Cullen's loft the previous night. She hadn't slept at all so as soon as the gray light of the pre-dawn sun peeked through her window she had readied herself for her journey. She looked at her face in the mirror above her dresser and pulled at her braid, considering how wan and pale she looked after her restless night. Nothing for it now… She thought as she stepped away and out of her room.

She made her way quickly through the great hall and slipped into Solas's rotunda. The elf was, thankfully, nowhere to be seen. Elena wasn't quite sure if she wanted people to see her on this particular errand. She exited the rotunda by way of the second door and crossed over the bridge. The sun was just starting to peek over the surrounding mountains, casting Skyhold's grounds in shadows and the tops of its building in brilliant yellow light. Gotta hurry.

She entered Cullen's tower as silently as she could manage and placed her pack on the ground beside the door closest to the stables. She had observed on her way over that there was a staircase leading directly from his tower to the stables, perfect for a speedy and silent get-away. Elena tip-toed to the ladder and began to climb, her toes curling around the wooden rungs comfortably. She got to the top quickly and spotted her shoes where she had left them. She eased herself from the ladder to the platform and crawled over to them. Once, they were on her feet she stood and moved to go down the ladder.

"Elena?" Cullen's voice floated over to her, followed shortly by a yawn.

Elena froze and stiffly turned her head to see him sitting up, stretching. She felt her heart tug as she registered fully what she was seeing. Cullen had his blanket pushed down around his waist revealing his bare chest. He leaned casually back on one hand with his head tilted to one side a slight smirk twitched at the right corner of his mouth. Elena gulped.

"What're you doing here so early?" He asked in a voice still thick with sleep while he pushed his other hand through his hair. "This is hardly proper."

Elena faced the other direction, "I was just getting my shoes." She blurted out and slid down the ladder as fast as she could. She scooped up her belongings and had one foot out of the door when she heard the distinctive whoosh of someone sliding down a ladder followed immediately by a soft grunt. With her whole body out of the door now, she felt his hand brush her shoulder and spun around to face him. "What?" She snapped.

Cullen stepped back a little ways, obviously surprised at her reaction, "D-Don't you…" He fumbled for words for a moment before finishing his question, "want to say good bye?"

Elena stood up straighter, crossing her arms over her chest and resting her weight on one leg, "Not really. To be honest, Cullen, you really treated me poorly last night and I'm not happy about it."

"Sometimes, I—I just get—Look. You are still the Inquisitor's kin. What people might think…"

Elena felt her eyebrows rise so high on her forehead she was thought they might have disappeared into her hair, "You really care about what other people might think?"

He looked away from her, dragging a hand down his face, "That sounded better in my head."

"Look, Cullen, let me make it easier for you. Whatever," she gestured between them vaguely, "this is, I like it. I like you. What I don't like is being left in the middle of things like that."

Cullen took large breath and straightened himself up, puffing out his chest a little bit, "I know. There are things you don't know about me that I would rather remain private." He took a step towards her, "Occasionally those things make me think and act differently than I would like to. I wasn't sure you'd understand, so I left."

"I can understand that. We all have our demons to fight. I just wish you would have told me sooner." Elena took his hand in hers and smiled at him, "Are you ever going to tell me what those things are?"

He raised her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on it, "One day, I promise, just not today."

Elena nodded and took her hand away, "I've got to go."

"I know." Cullen looked away from her, "When will you be back?"

She started edging away from him, "Maker knows. Whenever I'm needed back, I guess. Cassandra was right; most of the information Skyhold needs can be delivered by a raven." Cullen didn't respond, just nodded his head and bit his lip, clearly mulling something over. She descended the stairs and went to the stables to ready the horses for the short trip.

Elena pulled her horse to a stop. Marston did the same next to her. He looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face. She shook her head and cast one last glance back at Skyhold. Cullen hadn't come down to say a formal goodbye, and she wouldn't be afraid to admit that that had stung her pride a little. However, he most-likely considered their time arguing as their goodbye and so didn't feel obligated… or he might have gotten busy. The Inquisition's armed forces didn't run themselves. She sighed and turned back forward, kicking her horse into an easy trot and pulled away from the castle. It was back to work for her. As they rode, Marston decided to hold a conversation with her. Elena didn't much feel like conversing, but managed to maintain his flow of inane chatter with simple responses.

"So, did you get to see the Commander while you were in Skyhold?" Marston asked casually, though, when Elena jerked her head over to look at him, she could see a much more serious look on his face.

Elena looked away and groaned, "Why do you care? I thought you hated it that I enjoy his company?"

Marston bobbed his head around, "Sure, maybe. I just want to make sure you're taking care of yourself."

"Not this again. I get it. Most people around here seem to know something about Cullen that I don't. Cullen and I spoke about it today, and he'll tell me when he's ready to. In the meantime, please, shut up about it. It's getting old." She grumbled to herself for a couple of minutes about how people like Marston were insufferably nosy and how they wouldn't like it if she took such an interest in their love lives. Not that I have much of one….

Elena ducked into her tent. She was exhausted. Her shoulder injury had started to ache again after being abused for the past two weeks by all of the watchtower building and refugee training she had been doing. She rolled her shoulder around and groaned as the tightened muscles pulled on one another and released themselves. She slung her shield onto her bed and unbuckled her sword belt. The daggers she had hidden about her body came off next. Elena had enjoyed the work. It had served as a good distraction from her personal struggles. Now, it was dark, and it was time to rest. Her mind wandered back to that last night in Skyhold... Why? Why had that happened? It wasn't the first time it had happened, either. Why couldn't she stop thinking about it?

He had made it clear when he didn't come down to say farewell that they were done. It had been a simple message. It had been easy to accept. Though, there was still that one lingering thought in the back of her mind... What if...? A million reasons that would have stopped him from being able to come down and see her off raced through her mind. She knew he was a busy man, certainly she wasn't so particular as to always need the men she cared for to say good bye to her. Dorian hadn't come and she wasn't obsessing over him. Then, again, Dorian wasn't someone she cared romantically for. She just liked the mage and was happy he made her brother happy. No... This was different. To obsess over someone this much was something entirely different. She sat on her bed and put her face in her hands, propping herself up with her elbows on her knees. The single candle she used to light her tent spluttered and went out as her tent flap opened and someone entered, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up to see who had entered but couldn't in the darkness. She fumbled for the candle and her tinder box. She struck a spark quickly and watched the flame grow. Then, she turned around and dropped the candle. It thunked to the floor and somehow kept burning. Her visitor bent and picked it up, holding it out to her with a gentle smile. His amber eyes were somber and a little wary in the flickering light. Elena reached out and took it from him wordlessly. They stood, staring at each other, waiting to see who would speak first. Elena was determined that it wouldn't be her.

When it became apparent that neither of them would speak, Elena set her candle back where it had come from and tried to brush past him into the night. If he got to leave at a pivotal moment, then so did she! As she brushed by him, though, he laid his hand on her arm. It was warm, strong, and familiar. She stopped moving and looked down at his hand resting on her upper arm. He didn't hold on to her. It was a gentle request for her to stay inside with her. She looked back up at him one eyebrow raised, daring him to do something to make her stay. He held her gaze steadily. She looked away, puffing out a breath as she did so, and brushed his hand off of her arm. Then, she stepped outside. She heard the tent flap rustle behind her and his feet crunch on the ground as he followed her.

She went into the woods, walking carefully. The moon was full enough to light the way, but it was frequently obscured by clouds as they swept along in the upper reaches of the atmosphere. As she walked, searching for the right place for them to confront each other, she could hear him patiently following behind her. The undergrowth eventually gave way to a clear space by a gently flowing mountain stream. It was a simple, pure place. It would do. She turned to face him, hands on her hips, and waited.

He stopped walking several feet away from her and looked at her plainly. "You know why I'm here, don't you?"

Elena shook her head. She honestly didn't know why he was there. All she knew was that looking at him in the shifting moonlight after so long without seeing him made her feel weak in the knees, short of breath, and hot all over.

He reached up with a hand and rubbed his neck, pulling it down and tilting his head back towards the sky, "Maker's breath... This is much more difficult than I thought it would be." He looked at her pitifully, a nervous smile spreading across his face.

Elena folded her arms across her chest and settled her weight onto one leg. "Get on with it, Cullen." She was surprised to find her voice was icy cool despite the heat inside of her.

Cullen blinked at her and stepped closer, "Elena. I know I hurt you when I last saw you. Solas told me you came searching for me. I must admit I am thankful that he did not tell you where I had gone. I was not in my right mind." He stopped talking for a minute. He twisted his hands together nervously and when he finally spoke it was in a low, desperate voice. "I have been trying to break my Lyrium addiction. When I came to the Inquisition I stopped taking it. I didn't want to be the man I was as a Templar. I am no longer a Templar." He paused, searching her face, "I was struggling with it when you made your presence known. It's why I reacted the way I did. Then, we—and I didn't want us to—not while I was feeling that way. That's not how I want to remember things. When you left, my struggle became worse. I tried to convince Cassandra to tell your brother to have me step down from my position as Commander." He watched her expectant face for a brief second, "He wouldn't allow it." He came closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes, "I am doing far better now than I had ever dared hope for."

"That's good to know." Elena stated simply, not disliking the weight of his hands, "What does this have to do with me?"

He swallowed nervously, "I was hoping you would accept one last apology from me and we could resume our... How does your brother put it? Fraternization?" He stepped closer to her and his hands slid to lie on either side of her neck, his thumbs resting against her jaw.

Elena shifted her eyes away from his face, "Cullen..." She breathed, her voice catching in her throat, "I can't. You're too...much." She said clearing her throat. The truth was she had been dying inside to hear him say those exact words. To let her inside the barriers he'd thrown up around himself. Ever since she had seen him standing in her tent she had been standing on a knife's edge waiting.

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers; Elena looked up at him sheepishly, "I can tell you're lying." He rumbled and suddenly, standing there in the moonlight with the sound of the stream flowing past them and the sigh of the wind in the trees and brush, Elena found herself being kissed. The world stilled, thought disappeared, and all that was left was the feel of his mouth on hers. When he pulled away a few moments later, Elena wished it wouldn't have ended. She looked up into his soft, brown eyes that reflected the moonlight back at her and couldn't help but smile.

"I should be getting back." Elena said stepping away from him lest they start kissing again and things got out of hand, "Reeves will be looking for me."

Cullen nodded and held out a hand to her, "All right, let's not keep her waiting." Elena took his outstretched hand and they began their journey back. They had walked quite a bit farther than she had thought. Then again, she had been testing his resolve when they walked out here, so she was somewhat pleased to see a more concrete measurement of his commitment to resolving whatever problems they had. "When will you be returning to Skyhold?" Cullen inquired presently.

Elena shrugged her shoulders, "Soon enough. We're just about done out here. I heard rumors floating around that next we're being sent to Emprise du Lion. Apparently, there's a lot of Red Templar activity around there." Cullen didn't say anything to that so Elena continued, "When will you go back to Skyhold?"

"When we get back to camp I'll have to leave."

"What! You can't just show up and then leave immediately! That's not fair."

Cullen nodded, "It's not, but it's necessary." He took a breath and continued, trying to reason with her, "We're at war Elena. It's an unusual war, but it is war nonetheless. I can't just go gallivanting off for a stint in the woods with the peace talks at Halamshiral growing closer every day."

Elena stayed silent rolling that information around in her head for a little bit. "I still wish you could stay longer…." By this time, they had reached the edge of camp and stood just outside, obscured by the brush around them from the eyes of those gathered around the cook fire.

Cullen caught her chin in his hand tilted her face to his, "I do, too." He bent and kissed her gently, "It's just not meant to be this time." The words were supposed to be kind and comforting but they felt a bit like a punishment to Elena. She searched his face, trying to memorize every detail of him in this moment. The slight melancholy in the depths of his eyes, the gentle half-smile that pulled up the right corner of his mouth, and the way the moonlight made his blonde hair turn almost silver. He kissed her again, this time a little longer, and then held her in a hug for a few moments before walking away in the direction of the settlement's corrals. Elena watched him go until he was out of sight.

Author's Note: This chapter was a BEAST to write. I will be honest. I enjoyed writing this, like I always do, but I am so ready to move on to Halamshiral. Thank goodness, that's next chapter. And I have some dangerous times ahead planned for our dear, dear couple. I ALMOST ALMOST ALMOST ALMOST ALMOST had something be said that would be like 'EEEEEEEEEEE!' But then I thought, "Nope. Not yet. Doesn't feeeeel right." So, there's that coming up soon as well. Halamshiral is my least favorite part of the game, so I'm not sure what I'm going to have our heroine do. Should she go and brave the Game? Should she not go and then show up unexpectedly after all the drama is done? If you've got any ideas or suggestions for that mess of a place, please, please, please, please, help a girl out and let me know. :)

As always, if you loved what you read, please leave me a review, follow, or favorite. Love you guys. Peace and blessings. -Danbamina