It wasn't until Monday afternoon that I stirred in my pile of blankets and stuffed animals. I had sweated a lot in my specially built cave and accordingly I and my bedroom smelled. When I peeled myself out of the sheets with the typical bird's nest on my head, I looked around with swollen eyes. It seemed that I had kicked a few of the stuffed animals to the floor in my sleep, my unfolded hard-shell suitcase lay in front of the chest of drawers and was already half packed for the annual trip to my father, everywhere on the two carpets and in the open closet door were scattered clothes that I had worn or at least tried on in the past weeks, on and in front of my bedside table there were cut-off price tags flying around from new clothes that I had decided to keep, even though I no longer knew what half of them were, and next to my bed there was a mixture of used tissues, empty salami packets and foil from chocolate bars.. It was pure chaos, as always.

Usually, I wasn't particularly bothered by the clutter in my apartment. I lived alone and so I was the only one who could leave my stuff here and in the end had to deal with it. But for some reason, it now pissed me off. I didn't want that. I didn't want to live like that and dwell like that and exist like that and everything.

Against my acute buzzing head, certainly triggered by far too much sleep and the general restlessness in my brain, I threw a strong painkiller down my throat, shoved the smallest of the Ben Wa balls into my vagina for the sake of tradition, to repair the damage that Genma had caused there with his tank, and then set about whipping my place into shape. However, I needed music for that, otherwise I went crazy with the silence around me. So, I plugged my playlist into my ears, turned down the heaters, opened all the windows and energetically cracked my neck vertebrae.

In the bedroom, I put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, the clean ones back in the closet, recovered my smelly bed, stacked my stuffed animals neatly on the mattress and sorted away the trash. The living room was cleared of all the used dishes that I always left at the desk and coffee table after my meals, from my dining table, which I actually owned but never used as anything other than storage space, I removed the discarded envelopes, my large UV lamp and empty cans of Jacky-Ginger, which were testimonies to my regular loneliness, I folded my laundry, which had been standing there for two weeks, put the clothes rack in the cubby and finally took my Swiffer, I bought ages ago, to dust off all the Funko Pop's and surfaces. I then washed what felt like all my dishes and cutlery in the kitchen, dried everything, sorted it into the cupboards and wiped the stove and worktop clean. Finally, I diligently vacuumed and wiped through all the rooms and put the well-filled bin bag with plastic waste in the hallway so that I could take it down with me later.

All this cost me a whopping four hours. Breathing heavily, but relieved, I stood in my sparkling clean living room, my hands on my hips, and looked at my work. I liked my apartment. It was small and had roof slopes in every room and of course I could afford more than that with my salary, but I liked living here. It had a balcony, enough space for me and my shopping addiction and offered me a refuge every day. And tidy it was also really presentable.

"That's better," I sighed, enjoying the fact that I could walk around in socks again without having crumbs or anything else stuck under my feet all the time, and went to the bathroom to take care of the only thing that was still disgusting here: me. Surprisingly, my bathroom was something that I never let go to waste, probably because hygiene was quite important to me. Ironic, considering the condition of my apartment in recent weeks. But that's just the way it was, a tiresome topic.

While the heaters warmed my bedroom and living room again, I closed the door, opened the window in the bathroom wide and lit a much-needed cigarette. By the way, this is also where my storm lighter was. Surely I had taken it out of my jacket pocket at some point, because I had put what was supposed to be on the windowsill in the bathroom on the windowsill in the living room, because what was supposed to be there when I wanted to smoke on the balcony was empty and I hadn't replaced it yet. "Lighter" was immediately on my mental shopping list. I would forget it again anyway, if I didn't make a physical note of it.

I crouched down on the closed toilet lid and unlocked my phone again after a whole three days. My father had written that I shouldn't forget my Christmas sweater. I would on purpose, that thing was hideous. Ino had written that she had caught a cold and therefore couldn't come to the Christmas party tonight. Shit. Should I go at all then? I liked my colleagues, at least most of them, exceptions were of course the three Office-Mares, but it just wasn't the same without Ino. If I didn't go, did I even need to take a shower..? I sniffed my armpit. Yes, I needed one. Badly. I typed a { Get well soon! } along with a sticker showing Jason Vorhees holding a boombox over his head in old Say Anything fashion.

This morning, Konan had written that she had gotten us new sparklers for New Year's Eve, because the ones that were in my drawer were most likely no longer flammable. I called her, she answered immediately. "You whore," I greeted.

Konan let out a "Ks". "Are they still from the last century?"

We both knew immediately what it was about. That was another thing I loved about this woman. She simply was cracked the same way as me, only she was completely jaded and highly precise, which I unfortunately missed. That's why we had never been able to live together, it had already been shown at the university, where we had shared a room on campus. "Then they would be older than me. Dad certainly won't give me sparklers to conceive."

"Excuse me? Slobby, you're a ninety-seven model, don't make yourself younger than you look," Konan replied in her typically cold manner.

"Shut up," I said, blew smoke out of the window and tapped the ashes into the bowl that had originally stood in my cupboard for dessert dishes. But who eats pudding, custard or curd cream in small heaps?! Unnecessary purchase. "I'll never be older than twenty-two. That was my prime."

"That is sad."

"What'ya doing?"

"Ironing." As if to confirm Konan's statement, there was a hissing in the background.

I grinned. There was an iron somewhere in my cubby, but I had only taken it out once to shorten my curtains in the living room. Sometimes I really wondered how the two of us could get along so well at all, and how the fuck we had survived university as roommates. "I haven't showered for three days."

"Mh, delicious." It hissed again. "Isn't today the Christmas party?"

"Yep," I nodded and inhaled deeply the wonderful nicotine. "But I don't know if I want to go."

"Why wouldn't you want to? You love the Christmas parties," Konan said with a dramatic hiss. She was probably working on a difficult piece. "For two years now, you've been raving half the Fellowship about how fun the people are and how much you can drink as soon as your boss gives the go."

"Yes, but Ino is sick," I pouted. "That means I wouldn't even have anyone to fool around with. And I don't know if I can endure the atmosphere with only wine and beer and surrounded by snooty actuaries and even more snooty consultants until I can finally reach for the hard stuff. Can I do it, from a purely logical point of view?"

"Are you begging me to come with you?"

"Unfortunately, no, we are not allowed to bring guests. Would be even nicer. Ino, you and me at the Christmas party with free cocktails? Uh-huh-huuuuh, then I'll be forcibly transferred to the mailroom."

"Oh, Slobby," Konan sighed into a hiss. "Go. It's only once a year. The next one is only in about three hundred and sixty-five days. You would regret it and spoil The Two Towers for me afterwards with your whining."

"You're right, Stiffy, what would I do without you?"

"Drown miserably in your self-pity."

"Cunt."

"I love you too. And have fun tomorrow in church."

I groaned in annoyance and grumbled, "I love my dad, yeah, but this ordeal every year, honestly. Well. I'm done smoking and now I have to get done everything else on me. I can't face my dear colleagues so stinking and straggly."

"Have fun."

"Yep, thank you, and say hello to Pain."

"Say hello yourself."

A little quieter, so that I suspected that Konan was standing at the ironing board in the middle of the living room and Pain was sitting at the dining table and engrossed in his documents, I heard his voice. "Hey, Beanie!"

"Hey, Pain," I answered a little louder, although he must have heard me well through Konan's cell phone before. "What's the arm doing?"

"Is fit for the tournament."

"Then shoot their asses off."

"I never do anything else," he replied in the same monotone manner that Konan displayed. The two were really meant for each other. "Have fun at the Christmas party."

"I will. Love you."

In chorus they answered, "Love you, too," and I hung up. I was damn lucky that our friendship hadn't broken off since our early teens. Those two heartwarming blocks of ice meant more to me than I would ever admit to them.

I got up, clapped my hands and closed the window. Enough procrastination. I still had a lot to do. Today was the day when fate would turn for Genma and Lee. This meant that I had to inconspicuously find out tomorrow or during the holidays whether I was really cursed. Until then, however, I had to take a shower and show myself patiently tonight. Konan was right, the next Christmas party didn't come until next year – duh – and I was already looking forward to the coming hours, despite Ino's absence. Because even though the Office-Mares would certainly rob me of every nerve again, one thing appealed to me the most: free cocktails until I drop~

As KGI was a huge insurance company with hundreds of employees, several Christmas parties were held, separated by floor. Of course, people were allowed to go to another party, but as most of them only had to deal with colleagues on their floor anyway, the party-hopping was limited. This kept the number of guests to a bearable level and the bosses were able to hire smaller venues. For the first time since I started working at KGI, the party for floors 3 - all the insurance and banking clerks – and 4 – actuaries and analysts aka the nerdy high earners above us - was held in a restaurant just two blocks away from me. That was perfect. So, I could finally put on my lined boots with the heel again. They were too thick for stimulating moments, too high for everyday life in the office and too uncomfortable for long distances. But I loved them. They went over my knees, were provided with fake fur here and there and I just felt foxy in the things. Add black thermal leggings, the same skirt from Friday, a cropped knitted sweater over a simple, black top and I looked like I wanted to feel, like a Siberian hooker. That's exactly what the Christmas party was for. You could show your coworkers a whole new side of yourself. They only knew me in my jeans and, depending on the weather, sometimes with T-shirt or thicker clothes. At the last Christmas parties, I had dressed more subdued, because I didn't want to leave a false impression on my new employer, but now, with a permanent employment contract and everything, I didn't care. They should get to know the foxy Anko. Thank you, Genma, for the reminder that she still existed.

Because I had showered for far too long and then permanently messed up my eyeliner, I wasn't even ready until fifteen minutes after the party started. Normally I was never late for anything, but what was I supposed to do? Today was probably simply a bad make-up day.

Less than ten minutes' walk later, I entered the guest room of Caroline's. I knew the owners and greeted her and her husband, who were standing behind the bar, with a joyful grin. The two greeted back, but I quickly turned my attention to the left area of the restaurant. On both sides of the room there were five longer tables one behind the other against the walls, so that they formed a central aisle between them. I couldn't quickly count how many seats they offered, but I noticed that many of them were empty.

"Oooh, another familiar face!" Jiraiya Sennin called out to me. He was the leading security guard in the security department of the KGI, after all, our location was the headquarters of the company and there had already been several smaller attacks in the past. He was known for his party-hopping, which didn't really surprise anyone. In his glass cage at the entrance, he had daily contact with every employee in the company and got along with 98% of them. He beckoned me to him. "Hey, Anko!"

"Helloo," I grinned to the group. Everyone greeted back, some raised their glass of red wine or nodded. "Why the sparse round? Are there more to come, or is there an epidemic that we have been spared from?" Do NOT trigger it, Bat-Bean!

Jiraiya laughed loudly. "Unfortunately, many called in sick. So, I'm extremely happy that you're here. The more, the merrier, ain't it?" He tapped the empty chair next to him. "Come'n, sit down."

Sometimes Jiraiya could be a creep, at least he stared at women's buttocks longer than necessary, which is why Ino and I secretly called him "Ero-Sennin", but on the one hand I personally didn't really have a problem with something like that, as long as he didn't get touchy, and on the other hand I liked to talk to him. From experience I could say that he was a good drinker, so I shouldn't get bored in the course of the night. So, I sat down on the chair, hung my jacket on the backrest and ordered a glass of mineral water from Caroline, the eponymous owner. We had to create a clean foundation, otherwise I would be under the table here sooner than I'd like.

While I waited and listened with half an ear to the conversation of Jiraiya and Tsunade Senju, my direct superior, I let my gaze wander over those present. Even on a Friday afternoon, there was more going on in the KGI canteen than here this evening. Many faces were missing, sadly Ino's, but fortunately Izumo's and Kotetsu's. Therefore, I only had to deal with one of the Mares, though Kakashi was sitting with his back to me at the next table and chatting animatedly with Neji Hyuuga. At least something.

In general, I was of the opinion that far too few women were present. Not many people with uteruses worked on our floors as it was, but apparently the majority of them were sick today. In fact, only Tsunade, Karin, Shizune, Kurotsuchi, Mei, Yugito and Samui had been spared from the seemingly spreading virus. And of course, me. This resulted in a woman-man ratio of eight to 26. The air was filled with testosterone and the conversations were corresponding.

Although I laughed a lot with Jiraiya, because that man just had such a wonderfully dry sense of humor, but when I went from table to table in the course of the evening, after the buffet had been opened and emptied, with my sixth or seventh glass of beer or wine, essentially alcohol, there was a lot of talk about sports or politics or whatever, which is why I never stayed seated for long.

At eleven o'clock the party had thinned out even further and basically only the core was left, which was noticeably waiting for Tsunade's call that the budget of the night had not yet been blown up and that cocktails could be ordered from now on. After what felt like my hundredth smoking break, I came back in shivering and laughing with Kurotsuchi and Jiraiya and let myself fall on one of the chairs. There has not been a seating arrangement for a long time. Though, it was no longer necessary. At this – as others would probably see it – advancing hour, there were only seven of us: Jiraiya, Kurotsuchi, Gai, Kakashi, Neji, Tsunade and me.

Still a little out of breath from Kurotsuchi's wonderful joke, I took my glass of water, which I at least thought was mine, and drank to moisten my throat a bit.

"Do you have ants in ya pants, Beanie?" someone suddenly asked from the side.

This time I actually swallowed normally and thus saved myself a snorting embarrassment in front of Mare number 1. In my slightly tipsy state and my half conniption, I hadn't even noticed that the chair I was now claiming as mine was standing next to Kakashi. He was lying with his upper body on the table, his head resting on his hand, constantly turning a glass in which only the dregs of his beer remained. "I've seen you hopping around all evening, and I wondered what could be the reason," he explained matter-of-factly.

"So, did you watch me, eh? Can't take your eyes off me," I purred sarcastically, rolling my eyes, and brushed my hair behind my right ear.

Kakashi smirked again. I noticed that small wrinkles were forming around his mouth. And only now did I notice that, unlike usual, he hadn't just trimmed his four-day beard, but shaved it off completely, which made him look easily ten years younger. And well, on realizing this, I realized that I hadn't looked him in the face the entire evening. "Sick shit, you're as smooth as a baby's bottom!"

"Are you only noticing that now?" Kakashi laughed and gave the glass a particularly strong swing, causing it to skitter a few inches across the table.

I pushed his toy back within his reach. "Unlike you, I don't stare at you constantly and register every little change in your appearance or behavior, Hatake."

"Are you referring to the fact that I'm staring at you or me?" He turned his glass again.

"Probably both, you bird," I replied, briefly tousling his hair, which was once again so INCREDIBLY soft. Like absorbent cotton or bath foam or something, as if it wasn't physically tangible at all, as if air had randomly decided to get trapped between hair cells. Amazeballs.

Kakashi had probably noticed my glazed look again, grinned cautiously, pulled my hand demonstratively from his head, placed it on the table and patted the back of it. "Don't become intrusive, Beanie. I'm starting to get the impression that you think my hair is an erogenous z–"

"Oh God, DON'T SAY IT!" I tackled in. "Don't you dare keep talking, Hatake. Don't you dare! Otherwise.. Otherwise..."

"Otherwise?" he asked with a larcenous grin.

"Otherwise, I'll hit you."

"Okay." He slid his elbow across the tabletop and lifted his head from the ball of his hand for a moment so he could whisper in my ear, "Erogenous zone." He propped himself up again and bobbed his eyebrows, but didn't move any further away from me, so his face hovered just under 8 inches from mine – again, far too close. He had zero respect for my personal comfort zone.

But before I had a chance to reply or actually hit him, Tsunade stood up on the other side of the table and announced, "I know you already chomp at your bits, so here's my go: The night is still young, we're still sober, let's change that. The cocktails are allowed to flow."

I grinned broadly and tore myself away from Kakashi's sneering face. Finally!

Jiraiya clapped his hands, threw his arms in the air, hooted, "Sweet Caroline~" and everyone else joined in the anticipatory crackling with a deafening "Oh-oh-oooooooh".

Caroline came rushing over and took the orders for Caipi, Bahama Mama, Tequila Sunrise, Lillet and much more. The liquor cabinet emptied at the same pace as we filled up. Gai connected his cell phone via Bluetooth to the speakers in the store and let the greatest hits from the eighties rattle in our ears, which we could all sing along, understandably with our rising alcohol level, of course absolutely sure of the lyrics. Well.. "sing".

The following hours blurred into a single intoxication. We swayed to the songs, Gai and Kakashi had an epic dance battle after we had moved the tables a bit, Tsunade and Jiraiya proved that they both had strong livers, and killed one shot after the other, Kurotsuchi and I had the performance of our lives when we karaokelized Toxic, and Neji sat half the time with his arms crossed and watched us amused. He had been ordered by Tsunade to be the driver so that everyone else could get drunk. He wanted to stay sober anyway, at least he had claimed.

It was one of the best nights ever. Sometimes I missed Ino, who would have enjoyed this ambience just like me to the point of literally ad nauseam. But my snow-piss-like cocktail, which Caroline shoved in front of my nose, comforted me quite well over her absence. "Pina Colaaaada~" I hummed towards the straw and sucked on it until the creamy mixed drink flushed into my mouth.

As if it had fallen from the sky, a body slammed into my side and I raised my glass, screaming loudly, to find a safe haven for my sweet cocktail. "Mmmmm, maaaan, whit's wi' ye fockers?!" I snapped in a guild auld Scots-slang at Kakashi, who was fending off Gai with waving arms. The latter continued to lure him to dance with an erotic swing of his hips.

"Fuck off, Gai!" Kakashi laughed and kicked at his colleague, who threw himself theatrically to the ground and held his shin, even though Kakashi hadn't even hit him. Especially not on the shin.

"Hellohooo, an apology is probably the least, you twat!" I grumbled in a tearful voice and punshed Kakashi on the shoulder. Now I had beaten him after all!

He turned around, looked at me, looked at my cocktail, half threw himself on top of me, and took a few drags of MY free drink! What an anal caterpillar!

Laughing and protesting, I pushed his upper body away from me with my knee and desperately tried to pull the glass out of his reach. "Haaaargh, help! Someone steals my Pina Colaaaaaada!" Since Denzel Washington, I have not been able to pronounce this word normally. Especially not drunk. But I didn't want to either. I loved that. It was like onión soup. Stupid, but funny. Now I was hungry again. Was the buffet still open? Hoa! There was still pudding left.

With all my might, I pushed Kakashi aside, who lost his balance due to his alcohol-related coordination difficulties and fell to the ground, where Gai was still lying and had apparently fallen asleep in his feigned crying fit. An indignant man's voice complained about something, while I, together with my Pina Colaaada, climbed over the carnal pile and reached the bar, in front of which stood the remains of our feast on a wide table. I clumsily fumbled an unused spoon out of the display, scooped a large amount of chocolate pudding from the bowl and put it in my mouth like a greedy pig. "Woah fuffin' fick," I smacked, closed my eyes with relish and nodded vigorously, as if I had to convince myself that the pudding tasted good.

"Song change, song change!" Kurotsuchi yelled in my back and made me jerk with a roaring "ANKO!".

With the spoon still in my mouth, I turned to her. "Hmmm?"

She waved excitedly, typed something on Gai's cell phone, who at least stood again thanks to Kakashi's help, but really didn't seem responsive anymore, and then music sounded that I hadn't heard since a notorious frat party. My eyes became huge. I stormed onto the specially created dance floor, pressed my glass and spoon into Kakashi's hands as I sprinted past and as soon as I reached Kurotsuchi, we screamed at the top of our lungs, "I GOTTA FEELIN'!", bumped our hips together in unison, "that tonight's going to be a good night~"

I got her spit onto my face, she got mine, Neji delivered Fergie's "Wohooo~" from the background and when we started jumping to the beat during the chorus, the others joined us and it was that moment, at half past three on the morning of Christmas Eve 2024, when I felt nothing and everything at the same time.

I closed my eyes.

Heated bodies bumped into me, pushed me into one or the other sweat-soaked armpit.

Into the booming music, I bawled what I thought was the lyrics.

My heart literally burst with happiness.

Oh fuck, Konan, thank you.. Thank you for persuading me.

Thank you for letting me be here.

Thank you for allowing me to be in this world.

Thank you for my life.

Thank you, Da...

My body didn't bounce anymore. My knees and chin trembled.

"Tonight's gonna to be a good night.." I whispered.

I grinned stupidly, felt something hot coming out of the corner of my eye.

„.. a good, good night.." I almost sobbed it.

I shouted a last "WOHOOO" towards the ceiling, laughed, took a step backwards, stumbled over some feet and was caught by someone as if in a trustfall. This whoever heaved me back to my feet, wiped my cheek and a low voice, wrapped in a stimulating smell that I knew from somewhere, whispered in my ear, "You probably don't want to be seen crying, Beanie.."

The music stopped completely, and Caroline said loudly into the silence, "Guys, let's slow down, it's getting really late."

"Not early?" Jiraiya slurred, earning drunken laughter from all sides. Caroline laughed along but shooed her last guests out of the restaurant. Everyone gathered their stuff. I honestly had trouble not letting my vision streak, but one after the other we left the building and heard a loud clicking noise behind us.

The icing temperatures, which made my lungs freeze briefly, swept away much of my drunkenness. It wasn't until there was so much oxygen that you realized how stuffy it could get in such indoor spaces when people were drinking and having fun. I shook myself and pulled up my nose, which was a bit sniffy for some reason I couldn't fathom. Had I been infected with the plague after all..?

"Last ciggy before the way home?" Jiraiya asked and offered everyone his box. Neji and Kakashi declined with thanks, but Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kurotsuchi and I lit one with relish. Thick clouds of smoke wafted into the dark night sky and were lost in the light of the streetlamp above us.

"Kinda nice evening," Neji broke the exhausted silence. We all giggled. "Anko, how do you get home?"

"Mh," I said, because I had just dragged, blew the smoke into the air and answered, "I don't live far away, don't worry."

"Should I accompany you?" he asked and on my twitching eyebrow he added, "Just so that you are safe. Not what you might think now."

"Naah, our dearest Anko just snaps at her attackers, and they flee, as simple as that," Kakashi said with an indistinct swing in his voice and put an arm around my shoulder.

I pushed it down again. "Fucking stop that, Hatake. Don't worry about me, Neji, I'll be fine."

"Well, if you say so.. And you, Kurotsuchi?"

"I came here by bus," she answered.

"They don't drive here anymore at this time," I interjected. I knew my hood.

Neji looked from me to Kurotsuchi and said resolutely, "Then I'll take you home. Kakashi?"

"Hmm?" he asked, burying his hands in his jacket pockets and pulling up his shoulders. He seemed to get a little cold.

"How do you get home?"

"Ah, yeah fuck." Kakashi looked at Gai, who was leaning totally drunk against the wall. "Well, maybe we said that one of us would stay halfway sober so that he could drive." He grunted, cleared his throat—probably because a little stomach acid had crept up his esophagus at that sound—and sighed heavily, his visible breath joining the burnt tobacco. "Shitty plan, as I realize now, especially if we both forget it."

"I can only take one of the two of you with me, then my car will be full," Neji said. "And even then, it's going to be a little cuddle party in the back seat."

"I'm sitting in the front!" Kurotsuchi shouted immediately, but Tsunade gave her a scathing look. "Forget it."

Kurotsuchi deflated like a pool animal from which air was escaping.

"Then you'd better take Gai with you, he urgently needs to rest," Kakashi suggested and looked at his colleague again. "I just walk home. Or take a taxi. Or so. Maybe I'll wait for the first bus, let's see. I'll be fine." He grinned shrewd into the group.

Jiraiya put out his cigarette on the damp floor. "Well then.. Neji, help me get Gai into the car."

While the others tried to get Gai a little more awake, so they didn't have to carry him, Kakashi said goodbye to the group and strolled away. I watched the spectacle in front of me with pleasure, smoked a second cigarette with Kurotsuchi and Tsunade and when it arrived at the filter, my coworkers gradually climbed into Neji's four-door Mercedes coupé.

"Bye, guys!" I shouted with my arm raised.

"'til next year, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, see ya!" were the answers.

I tightened my scarf and made my way home. As soon as I had crossed the large parking lot, where the residents of the surrounding houses parked on weekends and, as in this case, on holidays, and had stepped around the next corner, I ran rudely into a person who was leaning against a tree directly behind it with his head bowed. "Huh?" I blurted out, looked at the tall man and recognized Kakashi. Well, he hadn't gotten far.