Hey, dears!

Thank you for all the reviews, you are so kind for taking the time to share your thoughts on this story!

If you thought the last two chapters were intense, buckle up! This chapter will go to some downright insane places ;).

In case you are sensitive to certain topics, there is a trigger warning placed at the very end (so as not to spoil anything).

Up until a certain point, I was convinced that there was a method to my madness.

But after the rainy night when Bella and I broke some crucial rules in my car, the method became a shaking mess, ready to fall at a moment's notice. Bella and I kept our nightly routine intact, except we now allowed ourselves to look at each other… to sometimes let a piece of clothing slip from its usual place… to get more brazen about the words we used to describe what we wanted to do to each other…

To be frank, it felt like we were always one mistake away from giving up all rules and fucking. Alas, it was so much more complicated than that.

If each night served as a temptation specifically designed to get me to succumb to my instincts all the way, each day was a reminder of why I never allowed myself to go there. As twisted as it was, I could tell that Bella loved Jacob—a love that certainly went deeper than the temporary lust she felt for me. And if the numerous decades of inadvertently listening to various minds had taught me anything, it was this: for humans, attraction was a much wider and complicated road than it was for vampires.

They had a certain ability that vampires—especially those who found their mates—lacked. They could be intensely tied to more than one person at a time. They could love someone and crave the emotional—or physical—closeness of another person at the same time, without the two emotions canceling each other out. It wasn't exactly a relationship system that I could abide by, but I had seen it unraveling so many times in the minds of humans everywhere, that I had become convinced that it was simply a part of human nature itself, therefore not something to condemn or judge.

Hell, even Bella admitted to it.

But humans also had a way of sabotaging themselves. The same weak, impressionable minds and hearts that allowed them to fall hopelessly in love were also the main reason behind why the vast majority of their love stories failed, sooner or later. And I didn't want Bella's story to fail, if Jacob truly was the man she wanted, in spite of his flaws. She had the right to love whoever she wanted. I knew that the nightly thrills we were experiencing together were only a stop along the way—a detour that hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things.

So I still made an effort to keep the rest of the remaining limits in place.

Esme was starting to notice that something was happening, although she couldn't pinpoint it precisely. She was wondering why my clothes were always slightly crumpled and why my eyes were more lively whenever I returned home. She tried to rationalize it by convincing herself that I was probably running through the woods at night, as a way to distract myself from the torment—it was a more acceptable reality to her. She didn't even ponder the possibility that I would actually step into Bella's relationship and lead her on a cheating path.

I didn't know if I could ever explain to my mother that what was happening between me and Bella wasn't really cheating, at least not by the standard definition of it—well, the definition that Bella and I agreed to use, at least. I wasn't deluded enough to believe that someone from the outside wouldn't raise their eyebrows upon learning the details of such a mischevious deal. Alice had been so staggered by it, that she gave up and stopped trying to lecture me altogether.

But if my mother or father knew… I wouldn't have dared to face them afterwards.

More days passed, crushing me under the weight of the nothingness that the future without Bella was going to bring. I had lived through the nothingness once and survived, but twice? I wasn't sure I was that strong.

On top of it all, it was becoming increasingly difficult to continue being with Bella, as my body's need for blood was starting to get in the way of my ability to control myself enough to seek pleasure alongside my mate. It seemed that the longer I allowed my thirst to persist, the more animalistic I got in the midst of my self-pleasuring sessions—and that was a side of me that was not safe for my fragile Bella to witness. Especially not when she was always so ready to provoke it, just to see where it would take me.

It was a Sunday night when I decided I could no longer take it. I texted Bella as soon as my decision was made, apologizing for not telling her sooner. Her response came swiftly.

'I understand. But does it really make a difference if you stopped by for a few minutes before your hunt?'

'It does make a difference. But I'll be back tomorrow night anyway, so you won't even notice.'

I hated typing those words, but they were necessary. One night off might as well have been nothing to her, but to me? It was one heavenly night in an eternity of mostly hellish nights that I would never get back.

Bella didn't make my job too easy with her next reply.

'Please, I really need those minutes tonight.'

There were few things that were harder for me to accomplish than refusing her when she wanted something—anything, really, it didn't matter. I wanted to live in a world in which catering to her every wish with no second-guessing was possible.

I had to give her the truth—then she would be reminded that the feeling was, at the very least, mutual.

'You know I need them just as badly, but I've been postponing this for long enough.'

And it was true. I was so used to these nightly doses of pleasure that the idea of missing one just to feed was demoralizing. Bella must have found it just as disconcerting, because she didn't let up.

'You and I both know you'd never do anything you'd regret to me. You would have done it a long time ago if that were the case.'

Goddamn. I both loathed and loved the fact she knew precisely what to say to make me reassess my options. She wasn't wrong, of course, but she also wasn't completely right; just because I had never hurt her didn't change the fact that I easily could, if my instincts got the best of me, even for an idle second.

However, I had done such an impeccable job in suppressing those dark impulses ever since she and I started masturbating together. I had trained myself to do it, knowing that I could not live with myself if I made any kind of mistake.

But still, I wasn't a faultless machine—I could fail so easily.

But Bella needed me and I needed her…

The conundrum was never-ending.

'You're impossible.'

'I trust you. Maybe you should trust yourself for a change.'

I stared at the last sentence for far longer than I should have, stirred by the implications.

Bella trusted me. Even now, when it was the last thing I deserved.

Did I trust myself? Not completely, but… maybe just enough to lure my mind into believing that Bella's idea was not pure insanity. After all, my greatest purpose was to protect her: from the dangers of the world, but also from the worst danger she could encounter—myself. And I had done that so many times that it didn't really seem much of a stretch to believe that I could do it again, even in my currently starved state.

I didn't even respond to that last text. Before midnight struck, I was in my car, driving fast on the lonely road, ready to meet Bella again.

Always a fool for her.

"I thought you wouldn't come."

Bella skipped the usual pleasantries as she made her way to me, crossing the empty backyard at a rushed pace. The sky above was clear tonight, allowing the halved moon to shine its light abundantly upon her. She looked like a specter, with her dark hair falling over her bare shoulders in unruly waves and wearing a flimsy white nightgown that I had never seen before. I could already tell that this particular piece of clothing was going to be a problem—while it wasn't short enough to reveal her enticing thighs, it was transparent enough to offer a suggestion of what hid underneath.

Distraught, I moved my eyes to Bella's face. She was finally in front of me, close enough to get my senses and emotions into overdrive. And just like that, I no longer questioned my decision to show up tonight, because simply seeing her was worth it.

"Up until a certain point, I thought so too."

"I'm happy you're here."

"I am too," I admitted. "Although I really can't stay for long. I do need to hunt."

"Of course, I know, but…" Bella hesitated. "You can always have me, you know?"

I rolled my eyes, feeling incredibly not amused. It had been a week since Bella last sprinkled such an inappropriate suggestion into our conversation. With her unfortunate draw to menacing things, I shouldn't have been surprised that she was back at it. I was, however, aggravated, because she should have known better than to bring back that demented idea into discussion.

And what was even more aggravating? The way those words were enough to feed my fiendish imagination, despite my otherwise sound reasoning.

"This joke is getting old," I said, straining to abolish the blood-painted fantasy in my head.

"It's not a joke. I want you to."

"Bella, I won't go anywhere near drinking your blood."

She sighed, as if I was the one who was being unreasonable. I started walking and motioned her to follow me. We took careful steps forward, until the line of the backyard dissolved into the forest. This path was so familiar now, after tracing it every night for the last week and a half. It was somewhat comforting to feel the intimate shape of the ground under the soles of my feet and recognize the shape of all the previous steps that Bella and I had taken.

It made me feel certain that this was our place—not as pleasant as an actual home, but better than the nothingness before.

"Will you at least take me with you tonight?"

Her voice cut right through my reverie, so I stopped moving forward. A part of me was stupidly hopeful that I had somehow heard the wrong thing. But she was obviously blushing, giving away the distressing reality.

"Why would I ever do that?" I asked, completely scandalized.

She stopped as well, turning around to face my petrified state—not that she could see much of it, anyway. I could bet that her human sight still needed adjusting, even with the merciful light of the moon.

"I don't feel too sleepy," she responded.

"Ah, so you figured that seeing me maul animals and feast on their blood would help you sleep better."

"I mean, when you put it like that…"

"How else can I put it?"

Bella moved slowly, but surely, closer to me. It was so damn unsettling how she never seemed to fear me—even now, when she was aware that my appetite was revved up to an extreme. And so damn exciting too. "Well… hunting is part of who you are. I feel like you let me see every part of you but that. Can you blame me for being curious?"

I considered her words, quickly acknowledging that her curiosity was, at the very least, understandable. She was right. I had given her access to mostly every facet of myself. At this point in our relationship, there were few secrets left unspoken, few mysteries left unrevealed.

As for what remained untold and unseen? It was for her own good.

"There is a very simple and sensible reason why I don't let you see me in those moments," I explained, choosing to reason my way out of Bella's plea. "When I'm hunting, it's all about instinct. Logic goes out the window. So if you'd be there in those moments… all the self-control in the world wouldn't be enough to stop me from launching at you."

"And… I've told you before, you can do that." Fuck, no, no, no. I didn't want to imagine that. My teeth tearing through the limp body of a lifeless animal. Then meeting Bella's eyes as she watched me. Realizing that an infinitely better option awaited in front of me. "In fact, I want you to." Fuck, yes, yes, yes! Leaving the animal behind. Grabbing Bella. Attaching my mouth to her throat. Stealing her purity with my teeth. Taking everything she had. Blood and flesh and life. "All it takes is a small cut and—"

"You don't know what you're talking about," I snarled—a rude reaction on my part, but it didn't seem to faze her. "This is not a game for me. I'd kill you in a heartbeat."

"You wouldn't. Because you wouldn't be greedy. You'd know when to stop."

I breathed her in, enduring the magnificent pain of her scent and knowing how wrong she was.

"That's not why we're here, Bella," I reminded her.

"Right, sorry."

She looked around, squinting at the trees.

"Do you want to sit down?" I guessed, already eyeing a mossy log not too far away from us.

"Yes, please."

"Good. Then start walking to your right. And be careful with the first step, because there's a small boulder one foot away from you."

She followed my instructions without questioning them—this, too, was part of our routine. Since I couldn't take her in my arms and get it over with, I had to be creative and think of other ways to make sure she didn't hurt herself whenever she walked blindly in the dark. I followed her in stride, taking notice of how the wispy fabric of her nightgown clung tightly to her body; it made me think of how easily it would have been to lift it up and fall in love with what was underneath.

Bella ceased moving once I told her to. But instead of sitting down, she reached under the skirt of her nightgown.

Paralyzed, I watched as the soft material lifted up to reveal a portion of the indulgent curve of her bare buttocks.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking these off," as her fingers pushed down the sides of her hips, dragging the hem of her underwear along with them. "Since I won't be needing them."

The white garment fell to the grass and I had to admit it—I was mesmerized to the extreme. This was the first time when Bella was letting go of her underwear. Whether it was because her choice of clothing allowed for it or simply because she felt more daring than usual, I didn't know. But I also didn't care, because as soon as the momentousness of what she was doing dawned on me, I started functioning again.

Before Bella could bend down and grab her underwear from where it fell, I was already reaching down to take it. The air whooshed between us from my abrupt movement, which seemed to startle her. She turned around, her gaze confused.

"Don't worry, I've got you," I assured her.

I glanced down at my right hand, where Bella's underwear rested weightlessly, completely undisturbed. I allowed my hand to grip it tightly, exploring its undersides with my thumb, until I felt something different. Something wet and warm and slippery—the precise spot left by her arousal.

Oh, God. What was I doing?

There was no room for reason as my cock throbbed in response. What even got her to get so wet, so quickly? We had only discussed the highly implausible scenario of her becoming my food source, which was decidedly not the kind of thing that usually turned her on—at least not according to what I knew about her. But what if she hadn't told me everything?

What if… the thought of my tongue lapping at her blood was just as exciting to her as the thought of getting impaled by my cock?

I shuddered at the thought, wanting to chase away the excitement it created within me. Mixing up these kinds of fantasies was messed up. Despicable. Evil.

And unlawfully titillating too.

"Keep them," Bella offered in a hushed voice.

"Oh, you aren't getting them back," I decided. "Sit down."

And she did, albeit with wobbly knees.

I took a moment to quietly dote on her beauty. I was forever enamoured with how she looked right before we dove into sin. Eyes glimmering with promises, lips tinted with blood, entire body a wire ready to snap in half from the influx of desire. It almost felt like she was mine—really mine—when she looked at me like that. Like I was the only man to ever know this side of her. The only man who could get her to drop all defenses and be vulnerable.

I wanted to make sure I protected that vulnerability with my life.

Bella waited breathlessly while I made my next move. I made another step towards the log on which she was sitting, then knelt before her. I was still acutely aware of her underwear resting in my hand, painting my skin wet. The sensory spectacle of that was unreal. All I wanted to do was to lick off the wet trails from my fingers and taste Bella in the only way I could. Not doing so was a highly demanding endeavour, one that I achieved solely by reminding myself that Bella's eyes were probably starting to get used to the light deprivation.

She appeared to be particularly keyed up tonight, judging by how she kept rubbing her thighs together.

"You look eager," I noticed.

"I've been waiting all day for this."

"Mhmmm, I can tell." The only distance separating us was almost insignificant. If I dragged my knees one foot forward on the grass, she and I would be so close it would only be natural to lean in and kiss her. I clutched her delicate undergarment tighter in my palm. "You've soaked your underwear beyond repair."

"That always happens when I'm with you."

I smiled—it was reassuring to hear her say that. In fact, it fed into my egotistical delusions just enough to make me forget, for a while, that what I had with her was so transient.

"You drive me insane too," I confessed, finally caving and placing her underwear in the pocket of my jeans. "You can't possibly understand the torture of being so close to you and knowing I can't lay a finger on your body."

Proving my masochistic claims, I dragged my knees a few inches further, getting closer still.

"Do you miss it?" Her voice was a wild whisper. "Touching me?"

I could see that she was taunting me now; she was not only actively touching her nipples through her nightgown, so that I could see precisely what I was missing, but also staring at me with pleading eyes.

"You know damn well I do. And I miss everything I didn't do."

There was no shame in Bella's little moan of delight when her fingers caught her nipples in a tight hold. I barely held back a groan.

"I miss every single time I had you in my arms", I continued, "and how I always wanted to roll over you and trap you there." I could imagine it, even now. Had I been an even lesser man, I would have pulled Bella from the log and placed her gently on the ground. My lips would be all over hers in between two blinks of an eye—and perhaps for once, I would not be gentle. "To trap you there, where I would have kissed you for hours on end if I could…" I went on, yielding to the images in my head. The fantasy was undoing itself so quickly, I just had to let it out. "There, where my hands would not have left your perfect breasts alone, not even for a second." I watched as she allowed one strap of her nightgown to fall down her shoulder, dragging down the white fabric and revealing her plump breast. It was a sublime and exhilarating sight; I was still not used to the untamed mob of feelings it roused within me one bit—I most likely would never be. My erection throbbed in response, demanding to be freed, and my mouth watered upon seeing the veins underneath the surface tremble from Bella's out of control heartbeat. "There, where you could feel my cock pressing against you and know that I was hard and ready for you." I unzipped my jeans. "There." My palm traveled alongside the length of my shaft, wishing profoundly to be replaced by Bella's palm. Her touch would be much softer. Warmer. Better. "Never to escape my hold."

She appeared to be on the verge of exploding, even if the only thing she was doing was playing with her beautiful nipples. I longed to provide her with the relief she desperately needed. Even if we had done this so many times, it wasn't any less aggravating that all I was allowed to use to bring her over the edge were words—not my fingers, not my tongue, and certainly not my cock.

It was a frustration of the highest order to not make love to her properly, when she was so willing, so ready, so close.

"God, Edward… you don't know how it killed me that you never did any of that. You did everything to get me wet and absolutely nothing to break all that tension."

That was harrowing to hear, especially now that Bella was fidgeting, unable to stay put—even more proof that her excitement could not be contained for much longer. As for me, I was still deeply aware that she no longer had any underwear on. And Goddamn, I was so curious to unlock this revered portion on the map of her body. I had fantasized about it too long, wrecked my mind in far too many ways just trying to picture it.

There was one thing left to do—asking.

"Show me how wet, Bella," I whispered. "I want to see you."

I noticed her momentary shyness—brief and endearing, reminding me that this had the potential to be a pivotal first not just for me, but for her as well. Her reticence was completely different from the one I spotted from afar a while ago, when she refused Jacob's advances. It didn't seem to stem from fear or unreadiness, but rather from the thrilling anticipation of doing something that was so wrong, yet felt so right.

The shyness wasn't long-lived. It was easily surpassed by the increasing hunger for more. I watched Bella, feeling completely enthralled by what I was seeing. She lifted the hem of her nightgown up slowly, teasing me to the extreme. Then, between her frayed breaths and her undomesticated pulse, it happened.

She opened her legs.

In that very moment, I understood that heaven, in fact, existed. And it wasn't the biblical landscape where all angels roamed free. No. Heaven existed and it was the very place resting at the apex of Bella's thighs.

"Oh, fuck," I muttered, mesmerized like never before.

There had been so many instances in the past when I allowed my imagination to fill in the blanks for me when it came to this. But nothing could have prepared me for this paragon of art—because undoubtedly, Bella's pussy was art, and I couldn't be convinced otherwise. Soft and pink and exquisite art, carved out by the most skilled creator. Her small lips unfurled delicately, blossoming outwards and reminding me of the plump petals of a camellia. I instantly envisioned how incredibly pleasurable it would be for me to simply lick along their surface, trailing upwards until I reached the engorged clitoris that rested at the very top.

But even more incredible—if such a thing was even possible—was how wet Bella was. Not just glistening, not just dripping, but flowing. Thick rivers of her arousal were spilling out of her, painting her slit and thighs and sending my senses reeling. And the scent…

Fucking hell, the scent!

It was just as appealing as that of her blood, no doubt about it. It awoke the same violent impulses in me—only this time the violence had nothing to do with my thirst and everything to do with how I wanted to spear her cunt with my tongue, so that all of her juices could roll down my throat freely, blessing me with their sublime taste, instead of being wasted on her thighs.

"This is torture," I murmured. "You're perfect."

My erection thrummed in my hand, as the need to fuck grew even more excruciating, reaching heights I never would have thought possible.

"We should have done this sooner," she replied under her breath. Before she finished, one of her hands reached downwards to stroke her pussy. The touch was so gentle and precise—obviously a result of Bella having done this countless times before. But what was normal to her was utterly novel to me. Every detail opened up a new universe worth exploring: how the sap of her fervour seemed unending, how she trembled from head to toe when the tip of her index went over her sensitive clitoris, how glazed and edible everything looked.

"Way sooner," I managed to say in my hypnotized state.

My hand established a rhythm as it went up and down my member—decisive enough to tame the edges of my passion, slow enough to keep me away from the precipice of my orgasm. Bella seemed to be on a similar path, not rushing to get anywhere.

"Where's your mind at?" she queried.

"I can't wrap my head around how much I want you." It was, quite frankly, all I could think about. The escalation of my desire was unceasing, unable to ever reach a peak. It was a growing pile of more, more, more. "It takes everything I have to not touch you right now." The only thing I could do was watch, as she did all the touching herself. My appetite grew fiercer still, as I stared at her weeping entrance. "All I want to do is lean in and sink my tongue inside you." Ah, the sweet debauchery of a promise that would never be… "Swirl it around and really get a taste of you."

Bella moaned and instantly increased the pace of the finger she used to rub around her clitoris.

"I would come so quickly on your tongue if you did that…"

"You'd better," I hissed, hooked on the view in front of me. "But keep in mind that once wouldn't be enough for me. I'd keep at your clit until you could no longer take it. Until reaching another orgasm would become torture and you'd beg me to stop."

"Do you really think I'd reach that point?"

"Unlikely." She was wonderfully insatiable—I figured things would not be too different if it came to actual sex. "But maybe a good fucking would get you there."

"Not even then."

"The first few times? Certainly not." I forced myself to slow down, sensing that my unraveling was close. And as much as I needed to hunt tonight, I also didn't want this moment to end too soon. My eyes closed in on the treasure between Bella's thighs, loving how it flowed for me, drenching everything in its wake. "I see how you're dripping when I'm talking to you… making a mess out of that tree log under you. Your insatiable cunt would need more."

"Oh, yes…"

The other strap of her nightgown slipped from its place, uncovering both of Bella's breasts in the process. She didn't even seem to notice it—in fact, she had reached that state in which she couldn't really phrase her thoughts in a coherent manner. I, however, most definitely noticed. And I noticed not only how carnal the sight of her stout breasts quivering from the movement of her hand was, but also how the veins underneath the surface level seemed to pound all too frantically with blood.

And right now, even more than usual, tolerating the yearning evoked by that sight seemed unfeasible, like a battle that wasn't worth fighting.

But I fought nonetheless, knowing that it was the last shred of sanity I had.

"I would give you more, but on my own terms," I managed, picking my fantasy back up. "I'd keep you on edge for a while." For days, really, had she not been the fragile human that she was. "I'd fuck you slowly, to let you feel my cock stretching you really well. Inch by inch, with no real hope of release. And I might just let you come, if you get too greedy and desperate—kind of like you are right now."

She pushed her head backwards and moaned loudly, as her hand kept working at an ever-increasingly hectic rhythm between her legs.

"I want you inside me," Bella wailed. "Now… please…"

I didn't let myself get carried away. These pleas only held as much significance as we allowed them to, so I learned early on to not confuse wishes for invitations. But even with that knowledge intact, I could not help but notice the way Bella dragged herself forward on the log, closer to my willing body, as if she actually wanted me to listen to her.

"I need your cock deep," she insisted and I nearly died a second time.

Focus, focus, focus.

Not offering Bella what she wanted was the ultimate test of strength for me. I tried to alleviate my torment by reminding myself that we were probably seconds away from falling prey to our orgasms, so I only needed to remain tough for an insignificantly short amount of time.

I had done it before. I could do it again—even if it was a lot more complicated now, with Bella almost naked and essentially asking me to fuck her.

With my jaw clenched, I braced myself to resist until the end.

What I had not taken into account was the fact that Bella was, after all, human—which meant that her crumb of self-control was much more fragile than I would have guessed. A prisoner to the heat we both created, she went on to do something I had never seen her do—something that, as far as I knew, she had never tried before.

She plunged three fingers into herself.

All at once, the digits disappeared into her wet cunt, all the way to the knuckles. No preamble, no careful overture to get her used to the feeling of having her pussy stretched so thoroughly. She winced and cried out—and for the first time tonight, I knew that the sound she had just made was not a consequence of rapture.

But before I could really process the reality of Bella's pain, a new consequence emerged.

The worst one yet. All the hunting in the world couldn't have prepared me to face such a trial.

Because one blink of an eye later, the smell of freshly-spilled blood hit me. Poignant and no longer protected by the cover of veins and tissues that kept its potency subdued. Exposed and delicious and currently dribbling freely from Bella's entrance. The already existing embers in my throat turned to a raging firestorm without warning, getting me to snarl like an unleashed animal from the sudden onslaught of pure, excruciating need. My tongue was instantly immersed in flaming venom, and the incoming pain seared my frozen flesh like pure, concentrated acid.

This was the single most commanding temptation I had encountered in a century of existing. Nothing ever came close. Not the first time I met Bella—what a joke, really. Nor the time when I had to suck the poisoned venom out of her—that was child's play in comparison. Not even during the only birthday of hers we spent together, when my instincts almost got the better of me.

This was worse than all those times combined because my guard was already down. And for the first time, I had no one around to stop me if I caved and succumbed to the allure of finally having things my way. Bella trusted me, of course, but then again, her trust had always been misplaced. If I gave up fighting now… she would finally understand what I had been telling her. She would know, once and for all, that I was never truly stronger than the thirst that governed over my senses.

"Edward?" I heard my name sliding through her lips, but I couldn't be bothered to care. My mind was at the highest state of overwhelmed—something I had not even thought would be possible for my kind. The mere movement of the wind in my hair was too much of a stimulus to bear. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Bella retreated her fingers, and the change threw me off even more.

I didn't know where to look. Her pussy was wet with blood and arousal, still bearing the remnants of her recklessness—a sight like no other. Appetizing and carnal, but at the same time still so pristine. But those fingers… they were completely coated in her slick juices and in infinitely more blood than the faint traces that still hung to the delicate folds of her cunt. The resulting scent was magnificent, triggering my lust and thirst in terrifyingly equal amounts.

My undisciplined thirst only expanded, as it stretched itself to accommodate my flaring excitement too. Coupled together, these hungers formed an inseparable set of forces, with the sole aim to persecute me into oblivion. I couldn't remember how to fight them—hell, at this point, I couldn't even remember where I was or what the right thing to do was anymore. Slowly, the last sliver of reason dissolved, leaving only the beastly impulses behind.

And under the reign of those impulses, I realized that this was my destiny. Blood and sex and Bella. The grandest feast of all. It would never get better than this.

"Edward." The word itself was so strange and nonsensical—as if it had no meaning whatsoever. "Do you wa—"

I shook my head, succumbing to the trance. "Come here. Now."

I barely recognized myself as I grabbed Bella's waist and pulled her to the ground, where I pinned her down and climbed on top, so that I could hold her body captive under mine.

What had I been telling her? Never to escape my hold.

Inevitably, there was no moment of clarity in between my actions. No divine force to stop my indulgence. Without hesitation, I seized Bella's wrist and brought her fingers to my face. I wanted to savour the heavenly bouquet for longer—to rightly revel in the otherworldly scent of life and crystalized lavender—but my composure was nowhere to be seen. Instead of prolonging the sweet anticipation, I leaned down and forced her wet fingers into my mouth.

When my taste buds were met with Bella's flavour, there was no coming back.

I moaned, staggered to discover that she tasted a million times better than she smelled—which had to be a sin in its own right. I immediately knew that I had never tried something even a fraction as exquisite as this. Bella's blood tasted like a dream from hell: honeyed, addicting, and utterly perfect. Paired with the sap of her desire, it was undoubtedly the most delirious drug to have ever existed.

The kind of drug that was worth killing for. Even dying for.

And for a short, improbable moment, my thirst no longer roared, it hummed. It was finally at peace with the small, but significant sacrifice it received. In fact, it quietened enough to remind me that my cock was still rock-hard and throbbing, its condition made worse by the knowledge that I was effectively tasting Bella's pussy. How long had I been dreaming of this? It seemed surreal that it was finally happening.

My tongue swirled around her fingers, in desperate search of more, disgruntled to discover that I had already licked them clean. Bella moaned too, and through a fog, I noticed that she used her free hand to reach back between her legs. And even if I couldn't see, I understood what she was doing. The next second, she presented me with her wandering hand, allowing me to see that every single finger was now glazed with a fresh coat of juices and blood. There wasn't any dithering in my mind when I left her clean hand behind and hurried to accept the new offer.

I licked Bella's fingers, one by one, struggling to be slow and gentle. There wasn't as much blood this time as before, but I didn't complain. My body was alive and thriving as I fed on her, burning in all the right ways—so much so, that I had to grab my cock and resume my stroking.

And it seemed that I wasn't alone. Bella's free hand returned between her thighs and started moving frantically too, causing a symphony of sloppy noises to flood the air.

"Don't stop, Edward, don't stop," she whispered. I closed my eyes and groaned, allowing one of her fingers to slip from my mouth. Once again, I had done a thorough cleaning job and there was nothing more left for me. But the closeness itself was so divine, that I refused to let the rest of her fingers escape. I sucked harder on them, quietly realizing that this was probably the first and last time I was going to do this.

The blow of that realization was heart-rending. This really was the best it was ever going to get for me.

Despaired by that knowledge, I kept my eyes closed and made my choice—I was certainly not stopping.

I continued to rub my strained member, feeling Bella's shaking body underneath me as she sought her own pleasure. We were both panting, groaning, taking what was ours to take. When she cried out my name, I felt the familiar crescendo of pleasure trickling through every limb, until there was no more space for it to fit inside my body and it finally exploded in a million pieces.

I might as well have died and accidentally gone to heaven—so paradisiacal was the feeling.

With my reflexes suddenly slowed down, I had no time to process what was happening. I opened my eyes and let her fingers slip away right as the sound of her orgasm unraveled along with mine. I came abundantly all over her, spilling load after load of cum on her bare breasts. No other sounds apart from those of our mutual satisfaction could be heard in the forest—they were louder than all the nocturnal creatures combined. I could almost hear the echo of guilt too, but it was too faint, too immaterial. It seemed that my mind had been fractured in such a way that I couldn't find a single thing wrong with what we were doing.

We remained there, lying on the grass, for what seemed like forever. Bella was struggling to catch her breath and so was I. I didn't want to move—all I wanted was more of her. More blood, more pleasure, more Bella. All of Bella, all the time, if possible.

She was the first to shift her position. Once her breathing stabilized, she lifted herself up, resting the weight of her upper body on her elbows. Her face was so close to mine now… close enough to easily reach for a kiss and turn it into a never-ending affair.

Also close enough to see that the wells of her eyes were glistening, ready to overflow.

That was the first time when I truly heard the call of reality. It was cold and cruel and ear-splitting, impossible to ignore.

"You're crying," I stated the obvious, suddenly terrified of what that meant.

"I'm not." But as she said that, the first tear fell.

"Bella." Panic. Horror. Fear that I had finally ruined everything. It was all coming down on me. "Have I hurt you in any way?"

I didn't really wait for an answer. I pulled back, analyzing her state. She was flushed and coated in my venom, but there were no signs of bruises. Not yet, I realized with terror, slowly remembering how harshly I had grabbed her before pulling her on the ground. How rough my tongue had been on her fingers.

"No, of course you haven't!" She frowned. "You've just… you've made me the happiest I've ever been. It's a completely new feeling." More tears flowed, and this time she didn't seem to fight them. Alarmingly, she smiled through them.

"No… no, no, no, you're crying," I repeated, growing increasingly scared. "I'm so sorry." It was a pathetic way to account for the weight of the crime I had committed tonight. The echo of guilt returned with a vengeance, starting to ring in my ears. As time passed ruthlessly, I began to acknowledge the awful truth. I desecrated far too many sanctified limits tonight, never stopping long enough to assess what the right choice was. "God, Bella, I can't tell you how sorry I am," I persisted, while the weight of culpability sank deeper and deeper inside my conscience, reminding me that I was arguably worse than the devil himself.

The phantom taste of Bella on my tongue was the finite proof of how exceptionally wicked, but also profoundly stupid, I was. How did I not see it before? How did I not guess that having my angel's blood on my permanent record was worse than enduring the thirst in perpetuity would have been?

And for the love of all things holy, why was my throat aching again, already craving a repeat?

There was no coming back from such a colossal mistake.

"Don't apologize. We both needed this."

I shook my head, knowing that I didn't deserve her mercy and wishing to disappear. "God, what have I done?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"This can't happen again."

She protested, but I knew it was her martyr-like selflessness speaking. I pulled both of us up without warning, keeping my hands on her shoulders to keep her shaking form steady.

"I'm taking you back to your house. Now."

"Can we talk first? Please?"

"There's nothing to discuss. I should have never been so goddamn careless with you."

She looked confused and distraught, with tears continuing to cling to her eyelashes and her nightgown still hanging loosely down her shoulders. Needing some clarity, I pulled up the straps to cover her. The fabric instantly stuck to her wet chest, aided by the aftermath of my depravity. I hated how much I loved seeing her marked like this—how it intensified the feeling that she belonged to me and I to her, making it larger than life.

"Don't do this, Edward."

"I'm sorry."

The walk back dragged forever. Between Bella's attempts to get me to talk and my infinite shame, there was no room for peace for either of us. She kept clinging to me with her hands, giving her all to get me to be attentive. I could feel my own anguish reflected into her actions, but I couldn't, for the life of me, react in any way. My mind was petrified.

When we were finally back in her backyard, the misery was all-encompassing. I saw no escape from it. Not now, not ever from this point on.

"I need you to understand I really, really liked what happened tonight," she tried, and I could sense that somewhere deep down, her zeal was starting to fade. Her voice was exhausted.

I chose to ignore her pitiful words, because no amount of justification could atone for the gravest error in my existence. "Go get some rest," I said instead.

"I can't rest when I know you're so upset."

"I'm not upset with you."

"As if being upset with yourself makes it any better? Trust me, I'd rather you were mad at me right now."

"You know that's impossible."

Bella looked at me, her eyes pleading and almost impossible to refuse.

"Can I ask you one thing?"

I nodded, even if I didn't know what would come next—or if I even had an answer that would make her happy.

"Please," she started with a trembling voice, "I know I'm asking for a lot here, but please… just don't leave. Not without saying goodbye."

As Bella voiced her request, she grabbed my shirt tightly in her fists, pulling on it with laughable force, until I stepped forward. I barely resisted the urge to grab her and glue her against me, eliminating the frustrating distance. Compared to everything else I had done, this would be the tamest misdeed in my repertoire.

"Don't worry," I assured her bitterly. "You will know."

And with that, I walked away.

That night, I didn't return home. I spent hours upon hours losing my mind in the woods. A few unlucky deer that passed my way met their end at my hands—for nothing, since their gallons of blood were indistinct and vapid, in comparison to the decadence that the few drops of Bella's blood held. Still, I feasted on them, wishing to find the mirage of repleteness and never coming close to it.

When the morning came, I was clearly a mess. My clothes were crumpled beyond hope, stained by animal blood and dirt—something that never happened during my usual hunting forays. But then again, most of my huntings weren't prefaced by feeding on the concentrated ambrosia of Bella's blood. Feeling remorseful as ever, I made my way to the nearest pond of water, to wash off the remains of my disastrous night.

It wasn't until I leaned down over the silver mirror of the water that I finally saw myself.

My eyes were finally gold again, after gorging myself on the blood of those deer—that much was obvious in the morning light.

But at the very edge of my irises, there was something else. A ring of pigment that had not been there in decades.

Sharp and strange, as if it didn't belong there.

And also unmistakably red.

Ethical limits? Morals? Never heard of them!

Well, I did promise that this story will bring some bloody vampy goodness to the table, among other things, and this is only the beginning ;).

I am excited to read and respond to your reviews, so bring it on!

As mentioned a few chapters ago, August is an incredibly busy month for me, and I'll be away from my laptop for most of it. But don't worry, I have a nice surprise to make the wait worthwhile! I'll be sharing it in August on my Facebook group: "Twilight Fanfics: NightBloomingPeony & Friends Corner".

If all is well, I'll be back the first Sunday of September with a looong chapter and even more surprises :).

Until then, stay safe and happy!

TRIGGER WARNING: If graphic scenes involving blood are not something you enjoy, proceed with caution when reading this chapter.