Hello, dears!

Ah, I adored reading all the reviews you left on last week's chapter, thank you so much for that!

A special thank you to CoppertopJ as well for her amazing editing skills. A warning from her—you might need a fire extinguisher to get through this chapter!

And if you are sensitive to certain topics, there is a trigger warning at the end of the chapter.

Forgetting about Bella's human needs was something that usually never happened.

But as I got lost in the act of holding her close and guarding her tranquil sleep, I had also lost track of what the passing of time meant for her. It wasn't until she woke up with a panicked look on her face that I was reminded of her human fragility. She was more than a little flustered when she let me know that her bladder was full—and seconds later after that admission, her stomach growled with hunger, signaling yet another incoming necessity.

"This is embarrassing," she grumbled, hiding her face in the crook of my neck as if it was the most natural thing to do. "I'm sorry."

"Bella, you are only human, there is nothing embarrassing about that." A deep sigh followed on her end, while I waited for her to say something else. When I realized she had no plan of continuing—or coming out of her hiding—I found myself pulling her away gently, until my lips reached her forehead. "Come on, let's get you dressed."

There was a strange pleasure in the air as I helped Bella retrieve her clothes from the grass and put them back on. She was moving at a slower pace than usual, as if her limbs had forgotten how to function properly. It was endearing to observe her in these moments when she was so wonderfully vulnerable. She never even considered how my thirst was silently raging after having been forced into the background for so long, she simply trusted me enough to pay no mind to my nature—which was quite a good reason to keep my motivation of not hurting her intact.

As we left our meadow behind, I couldn't help but notice how calm the forest was—as if nature itself had its own way of marking this morning of improbabilities. With light sifting through the thin clouds and glazing us in its mellow embrace—offering some of Bella's strands an interesting hue of orange—I felt at peace with the world.

She accepted my offer to carry her down the mountain on my back, as she was no longer eager—or, at this point, capable—to show off her ability to hike. She held on to me so tightly that it would have easily suffocated me had I not been indestructible. Memories of carrying her like this in the past resurfaced, bringing along the reminder that she was not a fan of the speeds I could reach.

So I made a deliberate choice to keep a boring pace of fifty miles per hour. I felt held back, but I was happy to accept it if it meant more comfort for her.

As it turned out, fifty miles per hour was still far too fast for her.

"I love you, but you run like a complete maniac," Bella grumbled, leaning against the motorcycle for support, clearly a little dizzy after the ride. Now that we were back at the foothill of the mountain, the sun was hiding in the clouds above, bringing the usual earthy tones back to her hair.

I smiled, quietly learning that there wasn't a limit to how many times I could hear her telling me she loved me without my brain melting into a puddle. It happened so many times all throughout the night, yet here I was, in the late morning, my core as intensely ravaged by butterflies as the first time when I heard her utter those words.

Pleased, I leaned in to stroke her cheek with my fingers and stared her down. "That was me being slow, Bella."

"That was you almost giving me a heart attack."

"Far from me," I assured her, bringing my fingers down her chin and on her neck. Her pulse was maddeningly chaotic under my touch, picking up momentum with each nanosecond. "Your heart is the single most precious thing to me." Her breath hitched once I reached her clavicle, and so did mine. "It's my mission to protect it—at all costs."

The pools of her eyes deepened in the same way they did each time I professed my feelings for her last night—which was quite a lot of times. As always, I felt the irresistible pull to end any semblance of distance between us, because every inch that separated us was a sacrilege, a sin, a mistake that had to be remedied. I felt an acute sense of elation knowing that, unlike yesterday, I could listen to this instinct freely now, without having to torture myself with righteous justifications.

High on the feeling, I lowered my head right as she raised on her tiptoes, and our mouths met—hungry as jackals starving in the wild, not one bit satiated after everything that transpired between us.

"Edward." She uttered my name as soon as my lips traveled downwards to ravish her neck, rolling off her tongue so melodically that it sounded like music.

"Yes, love?"

"I wish this day could go on forever."

A smile blossomed at the corners of my lips as I moved them to the side of her throat. "It will. I'm coming home with you."

"And you're staying?"

"I can't imagine doing anything else."

With her house being completely empty, I couldn't find a single reason to return to my own.

Neither of us mentioned the obvious—that coming home with her was only possible because her fiancé was out of town, that his ring was still hiding in the back pocket of her jeans, that we officially ran out of convoluted excuses to explain that what we were doing wasn't cheating. For me, avoiding reality a little longer was a little more than a caprice. I wanted to have this morning with Bella without staining it with worries of any kind. There had been too much hurt, too much pain—for both of us—and I wasn't ready to go back to any of that. Not yet.

So with those thoughts safely tucked away, the ride to her house was a breeze. She held onto me tightly until I arrived and stopped the motorcycle in the driveway. A few cars passed us by as we got off, but the people inside them paid no mind to us—they were already caught in their own worlds, so far away from the one in which she and I lived.

Once inside the hallway of the house, I would have had no qualms about listening to the greedy part of myself that wanted to possess Bella again if I hadn't known that we had other priorities to take care of at first.

"What would you like for breakfast?" I asked, trying to keep a casual tone, as if such a question was normal for me. It hadn't been normal since I left Forks, yet I could clearly remember the summer when I went above and beyond to learn how to cook for her. I wasn't nearly as skilled as she was, but back then I managed to make quite a few meals that made her happy—and thanks to my infinite memory capacity, I remembered every ingredient list and every step.

"Oh, me?"

"Obviously you. I'd like to make sure your food is ready by the time you're done with your human moments."

A little frown wrinkled the space between her eyebrows as she pondered my offer. "Thank you, but you don't have to do this. Besides, it's not exactly your area of expertise, is it?"

"You're insulting me," I said, faking my indignation.

Bella rolled her eyes in stride. "You know what I mean. I can do it myself afterwards."

"Out of the question."

She sighed, undeniably unfamiliar with the idea of someone else taking care of her, but I saw the amused defeat in her eyes. "Fine then," she caved. "Scrambled eggs, please."

With that, she disappeared upstairs, miraculously not tripping over her own feet as she bolted.

I stood unmoved for a while, in disbelief of what was happening. For the past seven days, I had been so lost in my own confusion—so broken in my pursuit of trying to find the courage to leave—that being bombarded by such an immense amount of happiness seemed unreal. It made me question reality, as I kept looking for signs that this joy could shatter. And I could see the cracks, small and inconsequential, but nonetheless capable of disintegrating my world: Jacob's scent permeating the walls, the picture of him and her hanging on the wall, by the hanger, the metallic sound that the engagement ring made when Bella retrieved it from her pocket and placed it on the bathroom counter upstairs, right before turning on the shower. All of these things made up the irrefutable evidence that we were still so close to going off the deep end if we weren't careful.

With the weight of the night we spent together hanging on my shoulders, I knew that everything had changed. We were no longer dancing at the very edge of our feelings, we were peacefully aware of them—and of the fact that they were fully reciprocated.

Now that the truth was laid out on the table, it wasn't our love that scared me, but the possibility that coming to terms with it could be a dead end if we didn't make a mutual choice soon.

There weren't too many roads ahead for us. We could try and pursue the one road we were already familiar with—the one in which the nature of what she was remained unchanged. But the certainty that history would repeat itself, in one way or another, was daunting. I couldn't endure that kind of pain once more; but more than that, I didn't want to subject Bella to it ever again, not when I knew that true bliss was as impossible for her as it was for me when we were apart.

However, the other road… it was endlessly beguiling, but its darkness made me wary.

It would have been foolish to act as if I hadn't imagined it in the past—Bella, with skin as white as summer clouds and eyes as red as the inside of a rose. Bella, infrangible and undying. But the image of her longing for blood—begging for it, suffering for it—was torture. And yet… today was the first day in which I was finally as bold as to ask myself if going through that kind of torture was worth it. Even with the awareness of how selfish such a decision would be, I couldn't help myself. The temptation was too sweet, especially in the wake of the prodigious realization that I was not without a soul.

Because beyond the blackest parts of a vampiric existence, I knew now that there was also so much serendipitous light—not just flecks of luminescence barely gleaming in the night, but a flare so bright and unstoppable that I couldn't deny its power. There was more to the terrifying image of my Bella needing blood to sustain herself. As I looked deeper into it, I could see—just as clearly—the undeniable harmony that would come with the change. The promise of her being safe forever. The certitude of her being mine and me being hers until the end of time, with nothing getting in the way.

The blessing of having everything—as long as Bella paid for our happiness with her life.

Submerged in this state of rumination, I started moving again, finally heading to the kitchen. My task was simple enough, even if I hadn't done it in so long. I found butter and a carton of eggs in the fridge and I used my sense of smell to locate the salt and pepper in the cupboard. From that point on, I allowed my memory to take the lead as I started preparing the dish.

Upstairs, Bella was taking her time in the shower. A part of me felt particularly inclined to barge in because the mere thought of her being covered by a thin veil of hot water was rekindling all of my needs—after all, they were still so far from being fulfilled, even after hours of making love to her. But I compelled that part of me to be patient, wanting to offer Bella a much-deserved repose.

She remained in the bathroom long enough for me to toast some bread, find a small box of chamomile tea bags, and boil a pot of water.

Once everything was finished, I chose to sit down at the table and wait. The toasted bread and the scrambled eggs were precisely the right temperature and the tea was still steaming when Bella returned downstairs, with nothing but a towel wrapped around her body. I immediately noticed the fact that she was still not wearing her ring—a sight that thrilled me more than I was willing to let on.

We smiled as soon as our gazes touched.

"That smells incredible," she noticed. "And you made tea as well?"

"I figured you'd need some form of hydration."

I watched as Bella ignored the chair I was expecting her to sit on, endlessly content when she chose the much better option of sitting directly on my lap. It seemed like such an inconsequential thing, but to me, it was everything. I was fully in raptures, knowing that neither of us had any reasons to hold back now—at least not when we were alone. I circled her body with my arms and she leaned back, allowing her back to rest against my chest.

"So you enjoyed your shower?" I checked, while my lungs quietly filled with the formidable blaze of her fragrance.

"Mhmmm…"

With my lips and nose pressed to the top of her head, it was becoming more apparent that the week that passed since my last hunting—which happened to also be the time when I fell prey to the sin of tasting Bella's blood—was weighing down on me. There had been too many instances last night when I had to slow down purely because I was getting dangerously close to losing my last glimpse of control. There was something about the way the prohibited pleasure of Bella's blood made my need to fuck her go rabid—the connection between these two hungers was somewhat frightening. They both came from the deepest pits of my longing, yet satiating either one was impossible without rousing up the other to the extreme and going mad in the process.

I couldn't help but ask myself—was it normal? Was I normal?

The answers were a complete mystery to me. I theorized that the century I spent being uninterested in the idea of intimacy was the main culprit behind my difficulty in separating these two basic desires that battled within me. Their obsessive nature made them too similar on the surface, even if at their core they embodied two different beasts. Two different beasts that were somehow coexisting and thriving inside me, learning to dance together instead of consuming each other.

Bella made their existence that much more confusing when she leaned her head back to look up at me—revealing her throat in the process—and pushed her ass against the hardness in my pants.

I wanted to sink my teeth in her neck precisely as much as I wanted to make her ride me to a mutual orgasm right on this chair.

Conflicted, but aroused, I grabbed her hips and made her stop, keeping her ass pressed tightly against my erection.

"You need to eat," I reminded her.

"Do I really?"

From where she was sitting, it was incredibly easy for her to turn her head and reach the side of my neck. A second later, I felt her hot tongue on my skin, which caused my cock to throb.

I groaned, struggling to keep my focus. "Yes, you do. Unlike me, you need to recharge your batteries."

"But I want to do it later."

"No. You do it now."

With a petulant sigh, Bella gave up.

She had her breakfast right there, in the shelter of my embrace. It was difficult—but not entirely impossible—to keep my hands put while she ate. It was, after all, the only way to get her to really concentrate on her food. It took her less than ten minutes to finish everything. I was gently playing with her hair when she took one last sip of her tea.

"You're spoiling me," she hummed, the smile in her voice obvious.

"Not really, I'm just doing the bare minimum." I grabbed a handful of her hair and pushed it over her right shoulder, so that I could easily reach the left side of her neck with my lips. "I've been absent from your life long enough, I want to catch up."

Bella didn't contradict me, she just pushed her head to the side, offering me even better access to the elegant slant of her throat. I kissed her there, in love with how it made me ache to my core. My body tensed up, already on the brink of desperately needing another release.

Soon enough, I had her splayed out on the table, the towel that had been covering her now on the floor. With both of her legs resting on my shoulders and her breasts filling my palms to the brim, I was convinced that I was in heaven. At this point, I had learned quite a few things about what got her to lose herself completely—and one of them happened to be the way I allowed my cock to slide out of her pussy until only the tip was submerged, only to immediately thrust back inside, hard and deep, causing her body to tremble and melt into mine.

I didn't stop until we came together twice, making a wet mess on the dining table.

The first half of our day dragged in a beautiful haze, as we swung back and forth between fucking, having loving conversations, and basking in the occasional moments when words were futile. With neither conversation lasting too long—since we were constantly interrupting ourselves just to squeeze in another orgasm—we never really talked about anything too heavy.

But the more time we allowed to pass without addressing the obvious, the more restless my mind became.

The light of the day was still bright when I finally conceded defeat. We were on the couch and Bella was struggling to catch her breath after having ridden me for the better part of the last fifteen minutes. She was still on top of me, but I was no longer inside her. I could feel the amalgam of our liquids dripping slowly from her pussy, directly on my thigh, as proof that we were far from being done with each other.

"I really don't know how we've lived without this until now," she suspired, her head collapsing on my chest.

"Mmmmm, tell me about it."

"To be honest, I have no idea how I'll function tomorrow, at work. I'm pretty certain I need sex on an hourly basis now."

I smiled at her voraciousness, even if deep down my thoughts were swirling in a million directions. "I can get that arranged. The library does have a basement, correct?"

"It does." She chuckled lazily, the sound moving in pleasant waves across my chest. "With all the dust down there, it's not the most romantic place, but I don't care."

I didn't respond, I just wrapped one arm around her shoulders, wanting her closer. I could hear how her blood was still boiling in her veins, making my mouth water at the unspeakable fantasies that the noise evoked in me. It would have been so damn easy to roll us over, until Bella was underneath me, and make love to her again, in a bid to mask the thirst for a while.

But after denying our destiny for so long, I owed it to her—and to myself—to understand what kind of road awaited us.

Bracing myself, I tried to find the best way to begin. "Listen, I think there are some things we need to talk about."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

So I wasn't alone in my awareness of the big elephant in the room staring at us. "I don't want you to be afraid, love," I murmured and caressed her shoulder blades with the tips of my fingers, attempting to soothe her. "But I think it's important to know where we're at. Because this, right here… us… this is only possible because Jacob is not here. But he will return. Eventually."

"I know," she sighed. "It's not fair that I've been lying to him, he doesn't deserve it."

In the past few weeks, I had tried to find a saving grace in Jacob each time Bella brought him up—not because he deserved it, but because I wanted to respect and understand the choice she had made while I was away. But even I had my limits; and right now, the benefit of the doubt was no longer something I was willing to extend to him.

"I think he's mistreated you for long enough to justify a little lying on your part," I said, choosing to be more chivalrous with my words than I would have liked.

"I know how it seems, but it wasn't so bad."

"Look, I don't doubt that you had your reasons to stay with him, but nothing can excuse the way he's been acting towards you."

"Edward, I haven't exactly been a joy to be with either, trust me."

I shook my head, feeling an increasing sense of exasperation. I had heard excuses like that in the past—in the minds of women and men who had managed to invent and find countless flaws in them, just to account for the vile behaviour of their partners. There was a time when I didn't let those partners live for too long.

My hold on Bella tightened, as my mind reminded me of each instance in which Jacob overstepped her boundaries, each time he took her for granted, each time he made her cry.

"You are far too forgiving, but I can't be."

"Why does it even matter? I mean… it is what it is. He and I both made mistakes."

"It matters," I started, "because no one should dim your light like that. Not him, not me. No one."

She lifted her head from my chest to look up at me. The melancholy in her eyes took me by surprise. I could already feel my previous chagrin dissipating in a cloud of shame, but I wasn't quite sure what the new feeling taking its place was.

"You think it's so simple, don't you? Just this black and white picture, where what is wrong is so easily distinguishable from what is right." Bella sighed and I could tell she wasn't angry. Not one bit. "But trauma can tie some strange bonds between people. And for me and him, that was the very foundation of everything: just this endless pile of pain that we were learning to juggle and live with. It wasn't always pretty, but it was all we knew." She closed her eyes for a second, as if trying to suppress some unwanted memory. When she opened them again, I was already enraptured by their force. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

"I'm not sure I do," I confessed.

Another sad sigh. "All right, you know what? I think I need to show you something. Wait here."

I watched as she got up and sprinted across the room, her nude curves more pronounced in the light of the afternoon. Then she disappeared, only the sound of her footsteps on the stairs audible. Intrigued, I raised up from my lying position, passingly inhaling the delicious remnants of her perfume in the air.

Bella was back soon enough, this time carrying a crumpled manila envelope. I didn't get to analyze it properly, as the fact that she was still not wearing any clothes was distracting as ever.

"Do you remember that letter you found at your house? The one I told you to forget about?"

Not only did I remember it, but I could also recite its contents by heart, if she asked me to. "Of course I do," I answered.

"It wasn't the only letter. Well, it was the only one I had hoped would reach you, but when that didn't happen… I kind of started writing more, except that the new letters were never meant to see the light of day. They were mostly another coping mechanism, just… just something I wrote every once in a while, to get things off my chest."

She made a few steps forward and I opened my arms invitingly. She didn't hesitate when she sat down, snuggling herself into a ball against my bare torso. Once settled, she handed me the envelope. I studied it carefully, observing how certain wrinkles seemed to be deeper than others.

"Where did you keep this?"

"In the drawer by my desk, under a pile of biology notebooks."

Fleetingly, I was reminded of the day when Bella sprained her ankle—the day when our paths crossed again. Before that day ended, I remembered how I listened in complete confusion to the sounds of her suspiring, while paper rustled in the background. Was that the reason why? Was she writing another letter?

With hesitant movements, I opened the envelope, taking out the stack of papers inside it and studying their edges. Most of them had a slightly yellow hue on the surface, signaling that they were no longer young and fresh, but there were exceptions too.

I felt like I was intruding on sacred grounds.

"Bella… are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

I carefully separated the first paper from the rest and dared to glance at it. There was no date on it, only Bella's messy handwriting scattered all over the surface.

With my heart so heavy I could have sworn it was struggling to beat again, I began to read.

"Edward,

I gave up. Giving up is the smart thing to do sometimes, right?

My birthday was not the worst thing in the world—not when I compare it to the one I had last year. As soon as I woke up, I started doubting that you would miraculously appear. By the time I had lunch, I had already lost my hope completely. Why did I ever think you would show up?

I feel like an idiot for not knowing how to let go of you when it was so obviously easy for you to do the same with me. If time is meant to heal all wounds, I'd like a refund, because my heart is very much in the same state that it was when you left. I've definitely learned to be better at hiding it, especially after Charlie and Reneé died, but that hardly makes a difference when I am alone at night with my thoughts.

It was a little better when Jacob spent the night here, after my birthday. He didn't exactly chase the ghosts away, but he got them to be quiet for long enough so that I could sleep, which is more than I could ask for. So I figured… this must be it. Maybe I can't shut your memory off, but I can lower its volume enough to learn to live again. It's not ideal, but it's all I've got.

It's probably why I let Jacob kiss me yesterday. I know he wanted to do it for a long time, but the timing was never right. So if not now, when I'm actively trying to conceal your memory, then when? At least now I know that when he kisses me, if I keep my eyes shut tight it gets dark enough to remind me of your lips and hands finding me in the night and for once not letting go.

This could work. I think."

I read the letter twice, allowing each word to incinerate my brain without mercy—it was what I deserved for how I pushed Bella into the most debilitating pain that a soul could endure. She felt so frail in my arms right now that I couldn't imagine how she ever managed to survive long enough for me to find my way back to her.

She refused to look when I pulled the second letter from the pile, choosing instead to turn around slightly and trail a soft path of kisses along my shoulder. Her kisses felt like liquid ice as I went through the second heartbreaking letter.

"Edward,

It's a little insane that I am addressing you as if you'd somehow be able to read this, but it makes me feel as if the part of you that once cared still exists somewhere, even if I cannot reach it. And in a way, it's nice to pretend that we're at least friends, if nothing else.

It's been a strange couple of months. Jacob moved in with me and I'm still getting used to it. I had not realized how much he's relying on drinking just to get through the day. I try not to pester him about it, because I know he's been through a lot after his mother's death and people cope with tragedy in different ways. But that doesn't change how sad it makes me to see him like this. I wish I could do something that would make a difference for him, but most of the time I'm barely holding on for myself.

In a weird, dysfunctional way, it works sometimes—when Jake is buzzed, I think he doesn't judge me as harshly for having loved you so obsessively. I don't know if I would go as far as to affirm that he understands, but the look in his eyes tells me that he is willing to accept it as part of my past. Maybe he's more confident, now that we are together—or maybe he's reconciled himself to believe that nothing is ever completely perfect.

These days, when the weight of everything gets too heavy and I can no longer suppress my tears, I can't tell why I'm even crying. Am I crying because of you? Am I crying because my parents died a most preventable death? Or am I crying because I can see how easy it would have been to be with Jacob, if only someone erased all memories of you? I wouldn't know, truthfully. But I've stopped trying to find the answer, because I don't know how it will help.

I hope I can heal enough to offer Jacob enough love to make him happy—he's already given me so much by not leaving me alone when anyone else would have done it just to get rid of the headache. I really don't think there is someone out there other than him who would be willing to tolerate half of the baggage I'm carrying.

Lately I've been thinking that if our souls bleed for long enough, there'll come a point when there is nothing left and the path behind us is no longer tainted red.

Until that happens, there is no escaping you."

I gazed at the paper, understanding everything she didn't know how to express out loud and feeling all the more guilty for it.

When I abandoned Bella, I had not only killed the only love that the two of us ever wanted—I had also forced her to find a new type of love and accept it for what it was, toxicity and all. It was no wonder that she was so ready to show Jacob clemency. For all his faults, he kept her afloat after I almost drowned her. And like a poisoned chalice, his love provided enough leverage to keep her grounded, but also enough bane to slowly wither her.

"Oh, Bella…" Her lips trembled on my neck when she heard my afflicted tone. "I'll never forgive myself for this."

"Don't say that," she protested softly, pulling away to look up at me. "I don't want you to punish yourself anymore. I think you've done that enough." My eyes flickered between her face and the letter in my hand. "But I don't want you to hang on to Jacob's misdeeds so much either, because it'll bring us nowhere."

"You're asking me to ignore it," I whispered. "Do you have any idea how difficult that is? Especially knowing how he hurt you…"

"I'm not asking you that. I think… I think I'm asking you to make peace with the past and see the obvious silver lining."

"Which is?"

"As difficult as it is to accept it, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. No chance for this…" Bella found a way to cling even tighter to me, rotating in my embrace until she managed to straddle my hips with her thighs. In response, I placed the stack of letters by my side—saving them for later—and wordlessly encouraged her to get closer, until the wet folds of her pussy glided over the tip of my cock and across its length. She moaned, but managed to keep her composure. "No chance for you and me, because I would've been long dead." I saw the silent despair in her irises at the mere mention of that scenario and felt it making its way into my bones. "I'd say whatever trouble preceded this is more than worth it to me."

"Hmmm." I smiled bitterly, using my hands to move the curtain of hair away from her breasts, so that I could admire their immaculate shape in peace. "Between the two of us, I thought that being masochistic was my métier."

"Then you don't know how much I'm willing to suffer for you."

"Oh, no, I know. Not that I'll give you the chance to prove it again though."

I saw a familiar spark flashing across her face and I quickly recognized it, because her eyes glimmered in the same way when I made love to her for the first time and admitted between thrusts that I had no plans to abandon her ever again. "That can only happen if you leave," she breathed the words fearfully. "So, I need to know—do you… do you really mean that?"

"Bella… how do I explain this to you? If push comes to shove, there are a million torturous things I would rather do instead." I grabbed her face between my palms and she ground her hips forward, teasing her highly tender clitoris against my cock. The intensity of the feeling—of how we managed to slowly lose our minds without yet fucking—got my already perfervid thoughts to combust. "Running straight into fire? I would do it. Throwing myself into a burning volcano? I'd be damned if I wouldn't do it in a heartbeat. Allowing myself to be ripped apart? I wouldn't even think twice about it. But being without you again? Now that is true death for me. Not oblivion, not hell, but life without you. And I'm not choosing that path ever again, as long as you want me."

"It's easy then," she smiled. "I want you. Forever."

I wanted to return her smile, but couldn't—not when the reminder of what forever meant rang so loudly in my head, a song as sweet as it was petrifying.

"Even if the price is your life," I stated, my voice cracking.

Bella's voice, however, had never sounded more secure. "Yes. I want to die for you."

I was spellbound by her raw admission—how unapologetic it sounded, but specifically what it meant for our future. In a way, it was what she had always wanted—making the utmost sacrifice, as long as it ensured our love could continue undisturbed into eternity—but I was only understanding it now, after we had already gone through hell and back. It was too late to prevent all the suffering, but not too late to turn things around.

"And then… live for you," she continued passionately. Her heat was rising rapidly, cloaking me in its wonderful prison. I was so smitten with what was happening, I had to grab her ass and force her grinding to come to a halt, just so that I could get back an ounce of control over my desire. She stopped, but her flesh was still trembling from head to toe and her clit was pulsing against the base of my erection. "But that can only happen if I die at your hands first."

She made it sound so seductive, as if ending her life and offering her a new one had the potential of being an endlessly pleasurable affair. Truthfully, the certitude that my teeth would need to be buried gum-deep into her throat in order for that to happen was… arousing in a way that made me feel ashamed.

I swallowed the superfluity of venom in my mouth before speaking again, but the way my cock twitched still gave me away. "And you are not scared at all." It wasn't really a question, more of an attempt to confirm out loud that my understanding was faultless. "Of the pain… the unknown… the intolerable thirst."

"Nothing can scare me when I am with you."

Her reassurance was a beautiful thing, but it didn't soothe the nightmares I had spent so long crafting inside my head—nor the ones that were completely realistic and important to consider.

"You may not be scared, but I am," I confessed, moving my hands from her buttocks to her waist, then her neck. I could feel how fragile it was under my palms, like fresh sea foam against the frigid rigidity of millennia-old cliffs. Much like the rest of her body, it inflamed both the monster and the man inside me, getting them to lament and roar at the fate I was subjecting them to on an incessant basis.

"Why?"

"You want me to be the one to do it," I reminded her. "But you have to understand I've never done this before. Nothing remotely close. And the fact that I know what I have to do in theory doesn't change the fact that practice itself is completely new territory for me. Changing you would… it would inevitably mean to have your blood on my tongue again. Not just a drop, not just a drizzle, but a guzzling, continuous flow." I gaped at her neck, imagining how it would look after I would allow my teeth to rip through it. Its white smooth surface destroyed. Blood splattered all over it, barely getting to coagulate before I licked it all away. I tried to blink that image away, choosing to focus on her face instead. "Do you have any idea what that would do to my mind? Any semblance of logic, of reason, of command over my own actions—they would all crumble. Stopping myself from doing the worst thing in the world would be a game of chance at that point."

"But… quite recently you found a way to stop. Remember?"

She blushed upon mentioning the memory, the pinkish glow permeating her skin in the most delectable manner. It was impossible to forget, considering that my eyes still bore small flecks of red inside them. "Bella, that is incomparable."

"Maybe, but it was a first. A successful first, actually. And I know you never wanted to talk about it after it happened, but… you liked it. I mean… really liked it, in more ways than one. You came all over me."

The recollection of my biggest depravity got me to grunt—and visualize once more the one part that I truly loved about that memory. "You came too, sweetheart. Hard."

Now that she was no longer held in place by me, she started undulating her hips again, seeking more friction for her overstimulated clit. We were both struggling to keep a normal breathing pace, as we watched each other with renewed hunger.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking?" she heaved.

I finally let go of her neck and lowered my face to her breasts and started to draw shapes around her nipples with my mouth, aching to sink and drown in all that softness. "Always."

"I'm thinking… we should try that again. And again. And again. Until it no longer scares you."

Properly scandalized, I removed myself from my happy place, so that I could see if she was joking or not. However, there was no playfulness in her features. She was flushed from the increasing excitement, that much was obvious, but her intentions were completely serious.

I shook my head, fighting the thirst. "With all due respect, my love, you are insane."

"Being insane is better than being delusional. You know there are ways around it. A small enough cut would be a great starting point for you to drink my blood without hurting me."

"Bella, I can't fathom doing this to you. It's wrong."

"Why would it be, when we both want it so much?"

"Because you are not my prey. Not to mention that if I slip—"

"If you slip, I die for good," she stated matter-of-factly. "But I trust you won't let that happen." She bit her lower lip for a short second before allowing the rest of her argument out. "And as far as I'm concerned, I know I can't possibly be your prey if you had to do none of the usual hunting to get me. I'm here. I'm yours. Not because you tricked me or because I couldn't outrun you. I am yours because I want to be."

The way Bella was handing me her destiny, not caring one bit what happened to it once I got a hold of it—or rather having the faith that I would hand it back to her unscathed—was humbling me to pieces. In moments like these, I had this odd conviction that she knew me better than I had ever known myself.

I peered at her breasts again, noticing how the lattice of veins underneath lured me with its movement. Each inhale made her blood boil, while each exhale brought its essence deeper into my lungs and drove me closer to perdition.

How could I even pretend to deny the obvious? I wanted this. I wanted this badly. It was the first thing I ever wanted from her—the primal need that pulled me into this universe of loving her without ever stopping. And even with the fierce nature of this craving, Bella was still here. Alive. Safe. Mine.

Maybe I was stronger than I was giving myself credit for.

"Damn, you're such a stubborn little thing, aren't you?" I grumbled, even though my defeat was obvious.

"Only because you've got a gift for denying what we both want."

That was true—although the past day, along with all the weeks spent in Forks, had been more or less a pivotal lesson in learning how wrong I had been on that front all along.

I felt Bella's weight shift, as she made sure the head of my cock was nestled at the very entrance of her dripping cunt. I had to get a hold of her ass and keep her steady again, unsure if I could focus on feasting on her and fucking her at the same time. I didn't have many limits left, but this one seemed crucial for my mission of keeping her in one piece.

With my eyes sealed on hers, I started to embrace the inevitability of what I was about to do. "Do I seem like a man who would deny you anything?" I asked, pleased with how flustered my question made her—enough to get her to forget to answer. "You have got me utterly and completely obsessed with you." While I said those words, I leaned in to nestle my face in the side of her neck. Her perfume was inviting me to abandon all logic—and for once, that seemed like a reasonable crime to commit. "Addicted to you." I breathed her in, a flood of butterflies slowly replacing the neurons in my brain. "And God, so in love with you my mind might just crumble."

A happy sigh fled her lips and I felt her fingers getting lost in my hair. "Then own me, Edward. In every way."

My conscience danced in elation at her request, still scuffling to process the idea that tasting Bella's blood at my own volition didn't have to come wrapped in so many layers of fear and guilt. There was a good reason why she was putting all of her trust in me—and for me, that was the most powerful motive to ensure that she remained safe through the madness of what I had agreed to do.

Drunk on the promise of tasting heaven, I pulled back to look at her.

She is here. She is safe. She is here.

I repeated those words to myself like a mantra, training my mind to absorb them, to become one with them.

"Where, love?" I demanded to know.

She understood what I meant. "Anywhere. Every inch of my skin is as much yours as it is mine."

There was a solemn commitment in her features when she said that, which made my love and devotion for her grow and expand beyond the confines of my body, reaching to find shelter in hers. Did she realize that she was giving me everything? Could she see how the ecstasy of what we were doing got me to exult?

I surveyed her immaculate skin, longing to see the blood seep out from it. Her throat seemed like the obvious choice, but at the same time I didn't want to leave a mark in a place that could so easily be spotted by Jacob as soon as he returned. Then there were her collarbones—as enticing as ever, but also too obvious of a spot.

I found my answer lower down her body, where the highly vascularized tissue of her breasts invited me in.

With my right hand, using the lightest touch, I traced their round contours, feeling their pulse coming to life. My cock ached at the deviant idea, while my beastly instincts reacted by sending a fresh surge of venom down my tongue.

"Here," I whispered, hypnotized. "Here's where I want."

I ended up tracing a circle around her left nipple, sensing that this motion got Bella to become a little too excited not to stir. The one hand that I still had on her bottom squeezed her flesh, coaxing her to remain still. She stopped moving, but I could feel her juices dribbling in a thick stream all over my erection, as direct proof of how my actions were affecting her. It would have been so easy to enter her body now…

"Yes," she agreed. "There."

My eyes found their way back home—staring right into hers. Nothing could go wrong here, in their deep wells.

She is here. She is safe. She is here.

Slowly enough, the index finger that was busy dancing in circles stopped its rotation, finally focusing on a single precious spot located two inches above Bella's erect nipple. I hesitated, wanting to make this as painless as possible for her. She didn't seem scared—but then again, her skin was still intact.

"I need you to remain still," I told her. "Can you do that for me?"

She nodded and the fingers she had in my hair stopped their frolicking. "Anything for you."

Trusting her to comply, the palm that was still on her ass climbed up on her back, stopping only when it reached the nape of her neck.

At this precise moment, being thrown into a fire and being force-fed with embers would have hurt less than the flaming hot sensation that the thirst created within me. Somehow, the intensity of this need managed to double in the time it had taken me to make a definite choice.

And for once, I could see the grand escape from the conflagration.

My eyes never left Bella's when I allowed my nail to pierce through her skin. Her strained breaths mirrored mine perfectly, overlapping in such a way that I could no longer tell them apart—and then, at once, they stopped, right as I felt the tip of my thumb getting drenched in liquid warmth.

Enraptured, I looked down and was instantly smitten at the sight of her blood making its way out of the thin slit left behind by my nail. Red, perfect, and entirely mine to possess.

We started breathing again—and from that point on nothing was ever the same.

There was no hiding my true nature once the spectacle of her blood commenced. All of my senses were called into action, as my mind and body worked in unison to drown me into a frenzy. I couldn't decide what I adored more, because I was simply overwhelmed beyond capacity. Maybe the elegant texture? The splendid vermillion shade? The ethereal scent?

Or the fact that this was the first time when I was going to truly indulge myself?

If I had to be honest, it didn't really matter all that much when I leaned in and glued my mouth to Bella's left nipple—away from the paper-thin gash, where my venom would have easily slipped in—collecting the ribbon of blood that had already drizzled down on it. Heaven moved in that instant from its place high above in the sky and settled directly on my tongue, where my taste buds met her blood and kneeled in front of its undeniable perfection.

I had tasted it before, but it made no difference. Experiencing it a thousand different times wouldn't have prepared me for how insanely and devilishly luscious it was—even more powerful than the fragrance it created, even sweeter than my memories of it. Unlike anything in this world, it was a source of nourishment in which purity and sin accompanied each other in eerie harmony.

In any other circumstance, I would have been mortified by the profane, uninhibited groans that started spilling out of me, but not now. Not when the only one who could hear them was Bella. I had no more secrets, nor a single drop of shame left to share with her. There was an unexpected freedom flowing through my system, encouraging me to keep going. Like never before, I was myself all the way—and God, it felt right.

Riding this fantastic high, I swallowed and moved my tongue around, already feeling a new flaming stream of Bella's life landing on it. She moaned too and pulled on my hair, but otherwise remained unmoved, just like I had asked.

I, however, wasn't as well-behaved.

My hands were impatient and unable to withstand the urgency of wanting to drink and fuck and possess so badly. Attempting to find a cure for their anguish, I allowed myself to grab Bella's thighs and make them press even tighter against my hips. I didn't have enough time to ponder if I had been too harsh, because more blood trickled down my throat. At once, it managed to paralyze the fiery pain that had been plaguing it and bring peace over the vast garden of guilt where my mind usually rested.

In what was a complete turn of events for me, I realized that what I was doing was far from an act of preying. It was as much an act of love as everything else I had ever done for Bella. Feeding on her—as I was learning—was slowly obliterating the one impediment that had been driving a wedge between us from the moment our worlds collided.

I tried to domesticate my thirst in so many ways in the past few years—so convinced that leaning into it would have meant losing the battle—that I missed the obvious. Befriending the wild animal was ultimately better than keeping it locked away in a cage and denying its every howl, as that strategy meant that I was constantly one mistake away from ruining my entire fate. However, this unlikely friendship offered me the chance to prove that I could rise above the worst parts of myself—and even find a way to not let them govern me. But more than that, it allowed me to connect with my beloved in a manner so profound, so intimate, that it felt as if the thread tethering us as mates was ready to give birth to a new universe altogether.

Just like Bella wished, I was owning her. But just as equally, she was owning me—showing me that even now, as I was fulfilling this most dangerous fantasy, she was safe and happy in my darkness.

Absorbing this epiphany, I blissfully drank and drank and drank, all reason abandoned and fully replaced by the infinitely stronger force of my love.

Time was no longer a concept that I understood when my lips finally retreated and my index finger pressed against the wound to stop the bleeding. I felt so young and so old at the same time, suddenly unsure of my own age, and I was convinced that our souls had met long before we did.

With so many new certainties taking root in me, I knew what my destiny was.

Bella wasn't going to die. Ever. Not if I had any say in the matter.

"I'll change you," I said, once I licked the last drop of blood from my lips. My mouth continued to aimlessly move on her skin, arriving at the base of her neck.

"Right now?" Her voice was low, but it brimmed with eagerness. She was as ready as I was—truthfully, she had been ready all along, it was me who needed to catch up.

"No." I kissed the side of her throat lovingly. "Not right now."

"All right. When?"

There was one more loose end we had to take care of—the last hurdle before our forever, but quite possibly the most difficult for her, since it involved deliberately breaking a heart in half.

But it had to be done.

"After we tell Jacob about us."

Remember how I said from the beginning that this story will also lead to some bloody vampy goodness? Well... here we are, at long last :).

Although things might look well right now for Edward and Bella, there are still plenty of troubles waiting ahead, especially with Jacob's return getting closer and closer. I'm excited to know your thoughts on this chapter!

Also, a quick heads-up: there will be a bit of a delay in posting the next few chapters. I've got some big things happening in my life that will be keeping me busy for a while. But don't worry—I'll still be working hard to get the chapters up as soon as I can, because I love working on this story more than I can explain in mere words (the grip that these characters have on me is STRONG). I hope you can understand.

Until next time, I've got a really special concept video prepared that I will be sharing in my Facebook group, "Twilight fanfics: NightBloomingPeony & friends corner". I also post visual teasers for each chapter there, so if you are not already a member, you are welcome to join the fun!

Until next time, stay safe and happy!

TRIGGER WARNING: If graphic scenes containing blood are not your vibe, proceed carefully when reading the second half of the chapter.