Don't Own the DXD or whatever other nonsense I eventually add in this fic, Only The Oc

'thought'

"Speech"

"Tvs, Radios, and Text via book or newspaper... when those are around..."

"Yeah. Don't do that again." I frown as I cross my arms, standing across from the twin-tailed leviathan who has respawned.

"mnnn that's no fun."

"They're bound to find out eventually. But you're making it far too easy for them." I roll my eyes. 'considering the proximity, at least.'

"You make it sound like you want them to find you?"

"Why else do you think I didn't stop you from telling them my description... giving them a little morsel of information. Dangling it just in front of their noses. I see it as a game. It's funny watching the two relatives of Sirzechs try desperately to seek out and recruit some random normal human."

"Nothing. Is normal about you." Serafall frowns.

"Ouch! How mean!" I exclaim while clutching my chest. "Is that how you talk to friends, Sera-tan?"

"I don't think we're friends. You're mean." The girl pouts.

"Well, if we're not friends, I guess I should remove so-tan secret fun time from your Eden device-"

"P-PLEASE DON'T!" The girl exclaims, sounding desperate. She grovels at my feet, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. "S-Sera-tan is sorry! She won't do it again!"

Normally I'd see this as some sort of fake or put on sobbing, but nope. This is real. Real emotion. Real tears. Real horror.

I give her a sickeningly sweet smile, eyes closed as I pat her head. "Don't worry, Sera-tan. You can keep it. Besides... you still owe me a favor."

"But. You wouldn't know this, being so old and out of touch, but doxing is a big societal no-no." I continue. "Quite unusual for the devil of foreign affairs to be all gung-ho about burning bridges."

She flinches again, pouting up at me. "S-Stop calling me old... I'm barely five percent through my lifespan... that's- you- You're basically bullying a five year old human child! You're so cruel!"

"You act five years old, sure." I snort with a half-lidded stare, an evil smirk resting on my face.

"But Guide-tan! You heard Mil-chan! She wants to marry you! Isn't that what friends do! Set each other up with hot dates?!"

"I have a girlfriend." I sigh.

"You can have more than one! You made this, after all! I doubt people will care!" The girl smiles brightly.

"My girlfriend would care." I announce.

"Is she supernatural?" Serafall asks.

"Yes?"

"Then she's probably already come to terms with it." The woman shrugs. "Eheh... now I'm going to make sure I don't annoy you anymore and go be with my So-clone."

"Hn." I hum. "Here. Take a one day ban on your way out."

"Wait wha-"

The girl disintegrates.

A dark chuckle leaves me lips.

It's honestly a little fun to lord my power over people far stronger than I am.

Well, I mean, technically stronger. I have a lot of magic in my head right now, and if Mephisto was correct that magic transfers over to real life. I should have a spell for basically any situation, making me quite dangerous.

Abyss Break tosses miniature black holes at people, and I can create a near limitless supply of demonic beings by taking the evil energy left within objects with that one 'Nemisis' zeref spell... that makes me sort of a pocket Annihilation Maker.

I won't be using either of those two magics in the game, however. As Nemisis is quest-locked- and while I do have the knowledge of said spell and know it quite intimately I'm not about to cheat and use said information to get a broken spell like that without doing the prerequisite quest- then Abyss break requires quite high mastery of earth, wind, fire, and water magics... then you also need to know heavenly body magic.

I don't really feel like copying Jellal, to be honest. Plus, it'd be a total hassle to get my skills in-game up to that level.

I want a unique magic, but one that doesn't have a ludicrous requirement.

Let's see how Kokabiel is doing-

Huh.

It looks like he just picked a direction and started walking. As of this moment he's walking towards Mount Hakobe

Well whatever. If he wants to get torn to shreds by Vulcans, just let him.

I tap my finger quietly.

'y'know... I think I want something to eat.'

With a wave of my hand, I open the menu, then I log out.

My vision darkens, then the next time I open my eyes I am elsewhere, sat within a large pod.

I take my helmet off my head, hanging it upon one of the hooks up behind the headrest, then push a few buttons to open the pod.

Mittelt is sat nearby at a computer, she looks a little bored, eyes flicking across numerous data sheets.

"So." I begin, causing her head to swivel to look at me as I climb out.. "How's it going."

"Pretty good." She replies. "So, you're done?"

"Nah. I just wanted to grab a bite to eat." I shake my head as I stretch my arms above my head, wiping my eyes with my hand.

A yawn leaves my lips as I walk over to a nearby mini fridge and crack it open. "Man. I'm tired... talking to people is mentally exhausting."

"Antisocial shut in." The girl chastises.

"You probably talk to less people than I do." I frown.

"Untrue. I have lots of friends."

"Imaginary friends don't count." I roll my eyes.

"I'll fucking show you imaginary-" the girl threatens.

"Schizo." I grin, cutting her off. "Anyways. Azazel gave Kokabiel unlimited time in the game... by the way, Kokabiel's in the game."

"Wait... what?" She whispers.

"Kokabiel. Angel of Stars." I repeat.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" She shouts. "WHY?!"

"Apparently- in Azazel's words- 'would you rather him snap in there or out here?" I sigh. "So, now we have a total psycho running around our game. Last I checked he was wandering into Mount Hakobe."

"I hate it when he does something crazy for an understandable and reasonable reason." The girl sighs. "Makes it a lot harder to be mad at him. Anything else going on?"

"I beat up Serafall and blew up her head after she tried to dox me to Sirzech's daughter and little sister."

"..."

"hah?"

"Yeah. That was fun." I hum. "Hit her with a temp-ban as well."

"Serafall legitimately horrifies like... most of the Grigori, yet here you are blowing up her head and beating her." The girl sighs.

"She's fun to bully." I admit,

"Only you would be crazy enough to say that shit." She groans, rubbing her temples with her hands.

"So, what do you want to eat? I'm ordering food." I ask as I look to my wrist watch.

"I don't know man... are there any good places around here?"

"I know a place." I nod as I quickly begin tapping out my order. "I'll get what you usually get at these sort of places."

"What is it exactly?"

"Noodles." I answer.

"..."

"Spicy Red Miso?" She clarifies.

"Mittelt, we've been friends for almost a decade at this point. I know." I roll my eyes.

"You- you remembered?" She whispers.

"Duh."

"Can you get me some-"

"Gyoza? Yes. It's already on the order list." I cut in.

"Oh! And some shrimp fried rice!"

"You're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?" I hum mutely as I also add it to the list.

Mittelt lets out a cute snort as she covers her mouth. "Smartass."

I look over the steadily growing order with a content smile. "This is feeling less like lunch and more 'what we are going to eat for most of today and tomorrow'.

"Eh." She shrugs. "Better than cooking."

"Yeah, I suppose." I agree eventually and send in the request for the order. I'll go and grab it later.

I step behind the girl as she goes back to looking at the computer. My eyes flick down to her as an impish smile appears on my face.

I hug her from behind, causing the girl to let out a small 'eep'.

She blushes slightly, but eventually seems to accept that I'm not going to be moving anytime soon. She rubs her legs together, eyes flicking across the screen in front of her.

"So have you thought about what sort of magic you'll be using in game?" I question.

"H-Huh?"

"What magic are you going to main in D-o-M?" I repeat.

"Ah. Well. I've been giving it some thought... I want it to be powerful if it functions in real life, and, well, I've come to one Idea that sort of works... Planetary Magic."

"Planetary Magic?" I repeat.

"Yeah, like... Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, that sort of thing." She explains.

"Could work... but what's the point?" I ask. "What would it do differently than other magics?"

"Basically, just a bunch of different elemental magics all rolled into one slot."

"Ah." I blink. "I see."

"What about you?"

"Ah. I'm unsure, really." I answer with a small shrug. "Sun and moon magic maybe? But that sort of steps on your toes... I could always-"

I pause abruptly, an idea quickly coming to mind. "Oh, that's... evil. Alright, I've got an idea."

"What is it?" She glances back over her shoulder, a small smile on her lips from being held.

"You ever play Dungeons and Dragons?" I stare into her eyes for a long moment, and judging by her expression, she hasn't. "Ah. Never mind then. You wouldn't really get it. I'll keep it a nice little secret till game day."

"Have you even played dungeons and dragons? That's like... something that requires friends to play." She points out.

"..."

Well, I mean, I haven't played it in this life... I think third edition was recently released or something?

"So. Anyways." I move on. "I'm honestly a little surprised that a genuine pervert like you- who has apparently hidden cameras in my apartment back at the Grigori Hq and likely in the bathroom- didn't crack open this thing and have her way with me while I was unconscious."

"I considered it." She admits. "But eh, I felt you'd appreciate it more if I had my way with you while you were conscious instead."

"You know me so well." I roll my eyes.

My fingers trace down her sides causing her to tense. She begins breathing heavily, fists clenching. After a moment she lets out a long exhale, turning to face me with a half-lidded deadpan expression. "You have no idea how much I am restraining myself right now. Do you?"

"Uh-" I begin only to be cut off.

"Like. Fallen angels that fell from heaven all have one core sin that they fell for and that dictates their life. When their wings darkened... it was not only a brand upon their bodies, greatly weakening their holy powers, but also a brand upon their mind as well. Angels who fell for wrath will find themselves easier to enrage, slothful fallen- which is a minority, mind you, as it was much easier to fall to lust or wrath- will find themselves lethargic and unable to easily find motivation."

"So Azazel's is-"

"Lust. Why are you asking such a dumb question? Of COURSE it's lust. Like, what? Could it be physically any OTHER thing?!" She asks.

"Eh, was less of a question. More of an observation."

"Hm. Hm." She hums twice. "Regardless, these sins... also pass onto their children. So. To put it shortly. I inherited my father's sin of lust. Which means I have a libido comparable to the manwhore of the Grigori, Az 'tries to fuck anything that walks on two legs' azel. HOWEVER. I refuse to be like him so I have physically restrained myself for one reason and one reason alone. I respect you, and frankly I've been crushing on you since puberty and I felt you wouldn't want to be with me if I became a Grigori dumcumpster. Now. Since I am not banging literally every person I see-"

"I sort of feel like you're overplaying Azazel's sluttiness just a little bit." I frown.

"-Now since I refuse to bang everyone I see. This incredible libido can only be solved by ONE person as I am committed and happily in a relationship... so unless you want your pelvis broken before you go out and grab lunch, maaaaybe tone it back a smidge?"

"Huh." I mutter.

"So. Instead of his solution of just doing whoever he wants, I'll have to bear the full brunt of your horny urges. I see." I blandly observe. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

"I would have absolutely demolished you last night, but we needed sleep." The girl sighs.

"You know. This is kind of weird. We've been friends for like eight years by this point and this is the first time I'm seeing this side of you."

She turns away with a small look of embarrassment.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. Its pretty neat. It's fresh." I compliment as I stand to my full height and walk across the room.

I gaze out the window of our little two-story house to the street below.

Underneath our feet is a large rental place with little booths for quite a few Eden systems.

"Oh, by the way, Sirzech's daughter wants to make me her 'Hot Wife' apparently."

Mittelt's chair squeaks as she turns to look at me with a face that is a mixture of confusion, a little concern, and the tiniest bit of disgust.

"What is... wrong with her?"

"No clue. But Rias is totally crushing on me as well. And living in the same town as her there's realistically only so long until she figures it out."

"FUCK!" She loudly curses. "Those damn devils! Not even dating for a day and they're already trying to steal you from me!? It's not fair!"

I slowly walk over and rub her back. "Hey. Who said I was going to agree?"

She looks me dead in the eyes. "Suzutsu... you're getting a harem."

"Who says?"

"Everyone." She gestures around wildly. "You made Vr, my guy! Like, it was never a matter of if, only when... but I wanted you to myself for a little while... It really depends on how smart the Gremory girls are."

"Eh, I mean, they've got no name, just a general description of me... so unless they are going to go hassle every brown haired guy from here to America, I doubt they'll figure it out any time soon.

"True, I guess." The girl lets out a sigh of relief.

"Is Serafall still logged in, by the way?" I ask suddenly.

"Uhhhhhh..." Mittelt hums as she begins scrolling.

She continues to scroll. "Uhhh- fuck I need install a Control F on this thing- aha!"

She glances over. "Yeah, looks like she is."

"I am morbidly curious as to what she is doing..." I admit.

"You know what? Honestly same." Mittelt agrees.

Mittelt pulls open a tab on her second monitor as I crouch down just behind her.

"A-And then he beat me up!" The girl whom I had beaten up earlier sobs as she lays her head in the lap of... well, Sona but she is wearing a nearly identical magical girl outfit to the one Serafall usually wears in her shows... just blue in color. "H-He said my show was predictable, So-tan!"

Sona rubs the forehead of the vastly older woman she is giving a lap pillow to.

Her voice is restrained and reserved, but she does something I know for a certain that the real world one wouldn't do. "Sera-tan... I don't think your show is repetitive... it's good. Really good! I watch every new episode."

Serafall sniffles slightly. "You know just what to say to make me feel better so-clone!"

She sits up slowly, then they lock lips.

Mittelt and I share a quick glance, then our eyes are glued back to the screen.

Serafall manuvers herself so she is looming atop the younger girl, a hand slipping up under Sona's shirt.

They break their kiss.

"S-Sera-tan... we can't. I-I'm set to be engaged to someone who beats me in chess! I-I need to produce an heir or heiress for the Sitri family!" Sona states.

"Oh So-tan... I would burn the underworld for your love!" The satan of foreign affairs exclaims. "But mother and father would be disappointed to not have any grandchildren."

The woman ponders for a long moment, then gasps. "I'll be right back!"

She leaps from the couch and skips outside.

"..."

"So. She's basically making a fanfiction?" I mutter.

"It'd be pretty decent blackmail material if... y'know... I could survive using it at blackmail material." Mittelt observes.

"Everyone already knows she's a pervert who sniffs her little sister's panties. This is nothing new." I state. "Besides, I've already threatened to take this program away from her, sooo I mean, I sort of am already blackmailing her, I guess. If you sort of squint at it."

"Only you could get away with that." Mittelt sighs.

"I think it's because she wants me on her peerage." I agree. "I'm able to get away with a lot more shit than anyone else, probably."

"You're actually considering joining her?" Mittelt mutters.

"Well, it wouldn't do for your boy toy to die in like eighty years, would it?" I ask. "Becoming a devil is probably the easiest method, but... I could probably figure something else out... but the main issue is I'd like to practice tearing out souls and stuffing them into homunculi-bodies first before even attempting that shit on myself."

I turn my attention to the blonde. "Out of curiosity, what's the race you'd much rather bang?"

"Uh... i'll think on it." She replies.

"I was personally feeling Nekoshou or something. But the only ones I know of are a stray devil and a reincarnated devil, so it's pretty hard to just be a pure Nekoshou."

"CAT BOY?!" The girl gasps, stars in her eyes. Frankly I think she's drooling just a little bit.

"Or maybe a semi-clone of Vali? Like... half vali. Half me? I'd get lucifer bullshit while also being me still."

"No." She frowns, nose crinkling slightly. "Do Cat Boy. Or other animal boy."

"We've still got time to think about it... Besides, I have like... Zero idea how to even begin to accomplish that shit. I never really studied much genetics. I'll need a lot of time to craft a new body, probably... and my new body would probably end up more along the lines of my own son rather than an exact copy."

"Ugh. This genetic stuff is annoying me. Let's just think about it later." I wave off as I turn and begin walking towards the door. "I'll be back. Just going out to grab our food. It'll be done by the time I get there, probably."

"Be safe." The girl waves as she closes the window watching Serafall who seems to be crafting a new figure in her smut fanfiction world program.

"Don't worry, I will." I wave.

'let's see here.'

I think I figured out what my main magic is going to be.

A rainbow magic circle appears on my left index finger, rotating slowly.

"Huh." A low hum leaves my lips.

It looks like this will work. Fun. I can already imagine what I can get up to with such a magic.

I gaze down at my hand, a plastic bag of food in my other hand.

'well, I should probably get back... after this.'

There's a sickening crack as I look over my shoulder to glare at a centipede with the upper torso of a man where its face normally would be. He has four arms, long bladed claws atop each finger.

"Kyeh heh heh. I... the great devil Saargorn shall end your life human!" The head upon the torso seems to be long and rat like.

I hold out my hand towards them, a large light blue magic circle appearing in front of my hand.

Three rainbow magic circles appear in a triangle patent around the first circle. A triangle of light being drawn between the magic circles.

They begin to spin rapidly around the centermost circle, creating a magic circle larger than my entire body. Magical sparks similar to electricity seem to leech to the ground and crackle around my body.

"No. It is I who shall be ending your life." I glare before deeply intoning my spell. "Intensified. Empowered. Admixture."

The blue magic circle in the middle of the rainbow gains black coloration as the stray devil is rooted in sheer shock at the magical power radiating off my spell. "Die."

The ground freezes, heat blasting my face as a wave of ice and blackened volcanic glass shoots towards the devil.

His entire body is ingulfed.

"..."

I stare upon my work, letting out a low hum.

A wave of ice and clear obsidian has exploded outwards, ballooning around the body of the centipede devil... and the abandoned theatre behind him.

The mix of elements is quite unusual to look at. Closer to me, the two colors swirl and mix like a two-toned tie-dye shirt. How it's supposed to be.

I gaze upon the large streaks of each element further on, covering the building like stripes.

I look down at my hand, clenching and unclenching my fist. A slight shiver to my fingertips from the sheer cold of my spell. "Imperfect..."

I gaze through the trapped devil, my eyes glowing as I activate a basic 'life sight' magic.

Good. It's dead.

Was it overkill? Most definitely.

Do I really care? No. This is quite a bit outside of Kuoh town.

I quietly weave a basic spell to repel weak minds. That should keep away most of the non-supernatural... and those that it can't? Maybe it would be good for them to realize that this world isn't as simple as they believed.

I had detected that guy on the way to go and pick up lunch from those little supernatural scanners I've been spreading around Kuoh... and considering Rias- and likely Sona- is indisposed right now as a result of my own actions, I decided to take matters into my own hands and put it down before it hurts anyone.

It was a good little test of my new capabilities, though. I don't really get many opportunities to cut loose like that.

Such a spell didn't really tax me all that much either... and that is interesting as such a spell is far more destructive than you'd expect a human wizard to dish out. I guess God gave me a few hidden boons when he sent me here.

I've released Vr... so now all that remains is for things to fall into place, right?

Pov: Elsewhere

A brown haired girl with Twin Tails looks up to a blonde nun. "Huh?"

"The church has given us a new mission." The woman begins slowly.

A blue haired girl in a skin-tight suit slowly walks over, a white hooded robe cloaked over her body. "What is it? Another stray devil? Vampires? Werewolves?"

"Oh no. Nothing like that, girls." The older woman begins. "You see, about a decade ago, the church used to co-own a location in Japan with devils... treating it as a form of neutral ground. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, the church had to revoke its control over this neutral location... until recently that is."

"So we are going to go back to this place?" The brown haired girl asks. A bright smile suddenly crosses her face. "Oh! Wait! If we are going to Japan can I go and visit my childhood friends, first?!"

"If it is close by, then I do not see why not." The nun replies with a small smile. "It is our job to reinstate the church at this location. But. We are not to conflict with the devils living there."

"Mn." The blue haired girl lets out a disgruntled noise. "What's this place called anyways?"

"Kuoh Town." The nun answers.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN

I wonder how disappointed Irina's going to be. Issei a complete pervert and Suzutsu a fallen lover. Though, I mean, both are still human, I suppose. So probably less disappointed than canon dxd.