Hello everyone...sorry for the extreme delay in updating the story. I was unwell and was hospitalized. I am much better now, hence the update!
*Lisbon's internal thoughts are mentioned in brackets ( )
Chapter 10: Silent Conversations
I can't remember when I came into Jane's room, must have fallen asleep while listening to the heart monitor beeping in the background….but I feel like someone's trying to wake me up. I wake up a little disoriented and find a nurse standing right in front of me. As my vision clears up I see her name tag – Lily.
"Sorry, I fell asleep. What time is it?"
"It's 6:00 pm Agent Lisbon."
"6:00 pm? Jesus! How's Jane?" I look towards Jane who appears to be sleeping peacefully.
"He's holding his own Agent Lisbon. The doctor will be coming in a few minutes to check in on Mr. Jane's condition."
With this, the nurse walks out of the room leaving me near Jane's bedside. Dr. Evans has already relaxed the visiting hours for me, thus allowing me to remain by Jane's bedside for longer durations. I feel so blessed that I have been allowed to spend more time in Jane's room and to be there for him. After all, I hold his medical power of attorney and it's my responsibility to oversee his medical care as much as possible.
I pull the chair towards Jane's bed as quietly as I can, and then take a seat. It's been a little over 24 hours since the horror unfolded right in front of my eyes and the images from those moments are hard to shake off. The doctor had mentioned that it would hasten the healing process if the patient heard familiar voices even while in a medically induced coma. This is what I've decided to do today – to talk to Jane and be with him. His healing is my utmost priority, so it doesn't matter if I have to make up silly stories for Jane or read a book or do anything for that matter….I'll do it for him.
I take his hand in mine and it's warmer than before. I try to shove aside my worries and concentrate on beginning a cheerful conversation with him.
"Hi Jane, it's me. We are all praying for you to get better soon."
As I am running my fingers through his soft hair and gently stroking his feverish forehead, I keep talking to him.
"Jane, I am so sorry that I doubted you yesterday and ended up getting mad at you. I shouldn't have. That's the problem with me you know? I get impatient at times and I hurt the people who are the closest to me, whereas you are the most cheerful and fun-loving person I've ever known….(in spite of everything that has happened with you in the past). I still don't know why you felt the need to apologize….Sweetheart, you've done nothing wrong. You could never do anything wrong."
I keep running my fingers very gently through his soft hair and then I caress his handsome face. His day old stubble pricks me and it feels as if it is Jane's way of getting back at me (playfully) even when he's here lying so still and pale in his bed. Tears slip through my eyes and I let them flow…before I know it, I realize that I am sobbing my heart out.
I hear the door to Jane's room being opened, and I make a sloppy attempt at wiping my tears away. It's the doctor and the nurse. I stand up to face them and give them a meek smile.
"Agent Lisbon, please remain seated." The doctor looks at me sympathetically.
"I'm afraid I have got some bad news for you." My world collapses as I hear those words.
"What is it?" I ask the doctor tearfully.
"He has developed a blood infection due to bacterial pneumonia and this is why he is feverish. We have already begun the antibiotic treatment, but I am afraid that this is a setback in his recovery. This will require him to remain on ventilator support for a longer duration. The next 12 hours are critical to his recovery."
I am too stunned to receive this news and suddenly I don't know how to respond to what the doctor has just told me. I just numbly sit there trying to comprehend the doctor's words. This can't be happening. I try to calm my racing heartbeats and manage to respond to the doctor.
"H..how did this happen? What's going on?"
"Unfortunately, this type of pneumonia is quite common in a hospital setting, but the recovery depends on the patient's condition."
"What do you mean by the recovery depends on the patient's condition?"
"It just means that how well the patient responds to the treatment is dependent not only the medication administered, but also on the patient's will to live / fight through it.
I take a moment to absorb what the doctor has just told me. In a shaky voice I continue…
"So what are you saying doctor? Are you saying that…."
"No, Agent Lisbon, that's not what I meant. However, it is my duty to let you know all the facts regarding Mr. Jane's recovery."
"I understand. Thank you for informing me. Would it still be okay if I remain by his bedside?"
"Sure, but as he has developed an infection, we request you to comply with the hospital's policy of wearing scrubs before you enter the room. He will have to be kept in isolation. You may visit him whenever you want as you hold his medical power of attorney, but every time you enter the room you will need to wear a surgical cap, gown and a mask. We can decide at a later time if he can have more visitors. It all depends on his condition."
"Yes doctor, I understand." The doctor gives me a look of reassurance and asks me to step out of the room while the medical personnel prepare Jane's room for isolation. I step out with a heavy heart. My throat feels parched and my eyes feel sore. I make my way to the washroom. Splashing some warm water feels good on my icy skin. I drink some water and head towards the chapel.
I've never really been a religious person but I still wear a cross around my neck. I have come to realise that it's more in remembrance of mom, rather than it being a symbol of my faith. Today I feel like I need solace from this maddening pace at which Jane's condition is undergoing changes. It's almost 8:30 pm when I get to the chapel. It's on a different floor of the hospital and it's very quiet in there - too quiet in fact. (I think my ears have gotten used to the noisy machines in Jane's room) There are just a few people there at this hour. I find myself a comfortable spot and sit down to pray. It's just a silent talk between me and God and I hope that my sincere prayers are heard by Him. There's not much to be done in the chapel other than praying and finding the mental and emotional strength to get through this and bring Jane safely out of this. So, I just sit there till the choked up feeling in my throat eases up.
As I prepare to enter his room donning the surgical scrubs, I feel a little uncomfortable, but it must be done for his safety…I remind myself that. I enter his dimly lit room and go near his bed and sit down on the super soft sofa chair. I am surprised, as this wasn't there in the room a couple of hours ago. I actually feel quite comfortable in the sofa chair and this makes me smile! I've realize that I've smiled for the first time ever since we arrived at the hospital but then, I feel something moving under palms…Jane's fingers are moving, in fact, they are tightly holding onto the bed sheet. I quickly switch on the overhead light as it's too dark in the room and find him in distress! Beads of perspiration are trickling down his face and his face is scrunched in pain. He's fighting the ventilator and I can see the effort it's taking for him to breathe! His accessory respiratory muscles show the strain he is in and then suddenly his eyes fly open! He looks straight at me with pleading eyes and mouths (moves lips to say) … "Love you" and then he takes a final shuddering breath and closes his eyes…..It has all happened in a matter of seconds and I stand there shocked and helpless with tears streaming down my eyes….
*This isn't the last chapter…*