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Chapter 11: The Fight for Survival

"No…no….no this can't be happening! He can't die! Wake up Jane, c'mon, come back to me…."

I am sobbing and shaking his body in an attempt that he'll somehow wake up. Where are the medical personnel I wonder, and I slam on the emergency call button, but no one seems to be coming! This is a nightmare! I can't let him go like this. The heart monitor is still wailing a long continuous beep in the background indicating that Jane's heart has stopped and that he's not breathing. Without wasting any further time, I begin chest compressions. While am doing the compressions his neck wound starts gushing out blood, it's as if a tap of water has been left open! So much blood…and I can't seem to do anything about it! I am still performing the chest compressions without any help in sight and now it's tiring me out. I stop for a few seconds to catch my breath but I hear something in that moment and it scares the hell out of me.

"Tyger Tyger burning bright, Patrick is dead, he is mine…"

I am shivering due to fear….and I feel my body shaking. In the background, I hear someone calling out my name…

"Agent Lisbon, can you hear me? Open your eyes, c'mon. It's okay. Just breathe"

What the hell? I slowly open my eyes and I see the doctor standing in front of me. I am confused!

"Wha…What? Where's Jane?" I sob loudly.

The nurse standing there gives me some Gatorade and rubs my back soothingly. I take a sip and look at the doctor pleadingly. He sits next to me.

"Agent Lisbon, you are in the hospital chapel. Do you remember coming here?"

I look around and nod my head tearfully.

"You were only having a nightmare. Everything is fine here. Please take another sip of your drink."

I do as he says and ask, "Is Jane okay? I want to see him."

"He's okay in his room. Can you stand up?"

Why's the doctor asking me that…I wonder? I try standing up, but I immediately lose my balance. The nurse and the doctor quickly support my body and help me sit down.

"I'm feeling dizzy." I complain to the doctor.

"It's alright. We'll sit here until you start feeling better. No need to hurry."

I finish my drink and I urge the doctor to take me to see Jane. He agrees, but on one condition only – that I will lie down and rest after that. I have no choice so I relent. I am made to sit in a wheelchair which is slightly embarrassing because I'm not at all sick, but it's against the hospital rules to let a 'patient' walk it down.

We finally reach his room and I have to get up to wear the surgical scrubs before going in to meet him. This time I am also given gloves to wear.

"Just 5 minutes Agent Lisbon…." the doctor reminds me.

I walk in to the room and go and sit on the chair near Jane's bed. His skin feels hot; it gives a burning sensation under my fingers. I know that this isn't a good sign but I'm determined to not let my worry get the best of me. I hold his hand in my gloved hand and find it hot too, but I ignore the hot feeling and almost plant a kiss on the back side of his palm but the stupid surgical mask comes in the way. I cannot take it down due to medical restrictions. Never mind – I tell myself. I pull the chair a little closer to his bed to talk to him…

"Jane, it's me…"

I suddenly feel tongue-tied and I don't know what to say to him. His condition is critical and the doctor has made us aware of how serious his illness is. In spite of this, my heart tells me that I need to keep this talk very light – nothing serious at all.

So, I finally begin….

"Jane, hey…I miss having tea with you. You know, we've restocked the whole pantry with your favourite tea bags and we are also going to get a vending machine so that you can munch on something any time of the day you want. Isn't that awesome? But you will have to let us know all your favourite munchies. You will, won't you?"

I tear up a bit, but continue anyway….

"You know, when it's time for you to leave the hospital, we have a big surprise planned for you. Yeah, you heard it right, but for that you are going to have to wake up soon. We really can't wait to show it to you. We miss you….."

I am choked and I know it's time for me to go.

"Stay strong Jane." I touch his cheek very lightly with my gloved hand and then walk out of the room with a heavy heart.

It's almost 11:00 pm when I walk out of Jane's room. The nurse at the nurse station escorts me to my room for the night. The doctor has been kind enough to allocate the room next door to me. I am beyond exhausted and the sight of a bed - even if it is a patient bed, looks very inviting to me. The nurses on the floor have been very kind and have kept a set of scrubs for me to wear for the night. The colour of the scrubs is lilac and it instantly feels welcoming to my sore eyes. I put on the dress and crawl into the big hospital bed and snuggle under the blanket. Before I know it, I am fast asleep.

Meanwhile in Jane's room…..

"Hello Patrick, it looks like you're going to give up very soon. Making my work easy for me hmm? I never thought you'd be the one to give up so easily (wicked laugh)…"

"Look, your wife and your daughter are ashamed of you because you couldn't kill me…what a shame Patrick….what a shame! You are nothing but a loser and I've won this game again (roaring laughter)…"

"Patrick, what have you done? You had promised us you would avenge our death by killing Red John…but here you are ready to give up…."

Angela and Charlotte are walking towards Jane with tears streaming down their faces and Jane can't do a thing to ease their pain as he looks at them helplessly…