Tully's Musings
Mary Ellen could tell her husband, Tully was worrying about something. He was quieter than normal and sometimes she had to speak to him twice before he responded. He was still attentive and interacted with their son, Liam. She couldn't label it as moodiness, but something was on his mind that he wasn't yet ready to share. She knew better than to try and wheedle it out of him. He would talk when he was good and ready. Once or twice, she had considered calling Hitch since he was the friend Tully usually shared his deepest thoughts. Hitch also had a way of getting Tully to open up. They had formed a unique friendship during the war that hadn't dimmed since returning home. Even though separated by hundreds of miles, they would both drop everything and travel to be with one another when needed.
Tully did have something on his mind. In a few short weeks he would be taking his final exams and completing his Bachelor of Science degree in Anthropology from the University of Kentucky. The first of his entire family to even attend college, he didn't want to let anyone down. He had worked hard and had a solid B average. He was proud of his accomplishments but the thought of failing one of his finals haunted him. He tried to calm his nervousness, but it kept creeping up on him. He didn't want to worry Mary Ellen with his thoughts of failure. She would assure him that all would be well and deep down, he did feel everything would work out. However, he had an even deeper thought that was feeding his anxiety, and he really wasn't ready to deal with it just yet. He was currently going through a lot of matchsticks since instead of just rolling them from side to side in his mouth, he was actually biting on them and breaking them in half.
One evening, he had just settled down at his desk to tackle a final review of one of his classes when the phone rang. He picked up the receiver and said hello.
"Hey, Tully," came a familiar, cheerful voice.
"Hey, Hitch, it's good to hear from you," Tully set the book aside, prepared for a long conversation.
"I called to see how you were doing. I figure it's just about time for your final exams. How many boxes of matchsticks have you worried your way through? Hitch commented.
"I keep a good supply," Tully smiled. It was so good to hear his friend's voice and know Hitch was thinking of him. He should have guessed Hitch would be on top of things with Tully's academics.
"Don't be getting all nervous, now, just because the end is in sight," Hitch said calmly. "Don't give into the pressure. It's not like the rest of your life hangs in the balance, right?" Hitch was joking. He had gone through the same anxiety-ridden nights while completing his Master of Engineering degree from MIT.
"Thanks for the peptalk," Tully said sarcastically. "I don't feel nervous now at all."
"Seriously, Tully, you've got this," Hitch said solemnly. "I know you and you never do anything less than 100%."
"Maybe," Tully replied. "But what if my 100% isn't good enough?"
"Are you kidding?" Hitch asked. "Your 10% is greater than most people's one hundred. You're going to do fine. We're all so proud of you and you know how much we support you. We can't wait to watch you cross that stage and received that sheepskin."
"Gee, thanks, no pressure there," Tully's sarcasm returned.
"Deep breaths, my friend. You've going to do great. We're all cheering for you and have no doubts whatsoever about your getting through this."
"Thanks, Hitch. I appreciate the support. I couldn't have gotten this far without all of you. And Lavinia Baker McFadden, of course."
"Who?" Hitch pretended to be unfamiliar with her name.
"Lavinia Baker McFadden," Tully repeated. "You know, the foundation that has provided my scholarship."
"Oh, right," Hitch responded. Tully had no idea that Lavinia Baker McFadden was Mark's great-great grandmother and Hitch's father was the director of the foundation bearing her name.
"I've got something bothering me, more than my exams," Tully's voice grew quieter. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to speak about it but yours is the opinion I'd like the most."
"Wow, Tully, I feel honored. I won't push you to talk but I'm here if you want to tell me about it," Hitch replied.
"I just don't want to let anyone down," Tully began.
"You could never do that," Hitch assured him. Tully paused for a few moments and took a deep breath before answering.
"I'm really glad I went to college and I'm so grateful for having the opportunity. While it's been hard, especially since Liam was born, I haven't regretted a minute. It's just," he paused again struggling with what to say, "I don't think I want to go further at this time. All the other guys in the program are going on for their master's and doctoral degrees so they can teach at universities, do research and lead digging expeditions." He paused again, grateful that Hitch didn't interrupt.
"I don't want to put that many years into my education. I really enjoy the digs I've been on, especially with Moffitt, but I miss working with my hands. I like working on engines and to be honest, I can make a better living as a mechanic than as an academic, unless I want to go on for advanced degrees, which I'm just not ready to do. I don't want to disappoint anyone," Tully stopped to allow Hitch to speak.
"You have to be true to what you feel called to do, Tully," Hitch commented. "Trust me, none of us will be disappointed with your decision. You're a great mechanic and those skills are in high demand, especially as more and more people are buying cars. It doesn't matter to any of us if you are digging up ancient civilizations or rebuilding a carburetor, as long as you're still Tully."
"I feel like Moffitt will be upset. He inspired me to get my degree and encouraged my interest in anthropology and archaeology," Tully continued. "And what about the Lavinia Baker McFadden people? Will they want their money back? I feel like I've taken their scholarship under false pretenses."
"Moffitt just wants you to be happy and fulfilled with whatever you do, like all of us. I doubt the scholarship folks will be upset—you've earned your degree, right?" Hitch responded. "It kind of sounds like you think working on cars is somehow a lesser profession than being an academic. That's pretty snobby of you. They are both valuable and honored professions. You're my friend whether you write dissertations or have grease on your hands."
"Says the academic," Tully added wryly.
"I am not an academic. I may have an engineering degree but I'm happiest when I'm deep in the guts of a machine or engine and my hands are often covered in grease. You don't think less of me, I hope," Hitch said.
"Of course not, Hitch," Tully was quick to reply, "It's who you are."
"And you need to be who you are," Hitch answered. "We're all going to support you and be happy for you, whatever you choose."
"Thanks, Hitch, I appreciate your listening. I haven't even discussed this with Mary Ellen," Tully was grateful for his friend's advice.
"Well, that would be a good place to start," Hitch replied. "Remember, don't sweat those exams and we'll be there for you in a few weeks when you graduate."
"Sure thing, pal," Tully said, "Bye." He hung up the phone, his heart much lighter as he reached for the discarded book and began to review for his final exams.