Awaiting an Answer
Troy nervously sat in the doctor's waiting room. He would rather be anywhere than here. It had taken him several years to finally address this situation and now he wasn't sure if he really wanted to find out the answer to a question that had plagued him since North Africa. He had always hated doctor's offices but never more than this visit. The one last week had been bad enough but this follow-up appointment was even more dreaded. He inwardly debated whether or not he should just walk out and leave the question unanswered. He certainly never thought he would be here waiting to hear about his test results.
He considered himself to be a real "man's man." He had never flinched in battle or any mission assignment during the war. True, he had hesitated once, when his orders were to kill Moffitt if they failed to rescue him from the Germans, so that vital information for the Allies couldn't be extracted through torture. Fortunately, they were able to rescue the Brit without too much trouble. He knew his men looked up to him as a leader and implicitly trusted his judgement. He was strong, healthy, and physically fit. His masculinity was never in question. A seasoned commando with a chest full of medals that proclaimed his bravery and tenacity. A chest covered with a manly rug of hair.
His attractiveness to women was well documented. On numerous occasions, women had practically thrown themselves at him. The dark hair, blue eyes and aura of raw, animal magnetism made him practically irresistible. He didn't chase skirts or make notches on his bedpost the way Hitch had behaved when he was a young soldier, but he was never lonely for feminine companionship when it was wanted. Now, Hitch was married, and they were expecting their first child. He had certainly come a long way.
In his heart, Troy envied his fellow Rats. They were all married to wives who deeply loved them, and they loved in return. In addition to Hitch and Isla expecting, so were Moffitt and Pippa. They were all moving on with their lives. He felt like he was somehow mired in the past, even though his position in the Army had changed over the years and he felt satisfaction with a job well done. He knew he was heading to Korea soon, but more as a strategist instead of on the front lines.
He wanted what his friends all had, someone who loved him more than anyone else in the world and who he could love in return. At times he felt so lonely and worried he would never find anyone who could love and accept him with all his faults and emotional wounds. He knew he was difficult to live with, sometimes stubborn and unyielding, occasionally grumpy and had a bad tendency to stew about anything and everything. He didn't think he had much to offer a wife. He wanted children and a family, but somehow questioned if he was worthy for such fulfillment they would bring.
In only a few years he would be able to retire from the Army and he still wasn't sure if he was going to return to his ranch in Colorado or go in another direction. Even there, the other Rats had outpaced him. Tully had finished a degree in Anthropology, then gone on to open his own Automotive Garage. Hitch was now an engineer with a master's degree from MIT. He was working on projects for numerous clients and enjoying every minute of it. Moffitt continued doing research, leading archeological digs and was a professor at Cambridge University. They all seemed to be further along in life, and he was envious.
All of which had led to this point in time, nervously waiting for the nurse to call his name so he could find out the answer to a question he had never admitted to a living soul, not even the Rats. A question that raised its ugly head over the years until he finally sought an answer. What if the answer was what he dreaded? How would it effect his desire for a wife and children? Would he ever achieve his heart's desire? All because of a silly children's disease that had hit him like a ton of bricks in Africa.
A week ago, he had met with a civilian doctor and explained the situation. Part of the exam included giving a sample he never in his life thought he would be called upon to donate. Now he was nervously awaiting the results. Had the mumps effected his ability to father a child? Was he essentially shooting blanks? If so, how would he explain it to a prospective wife, if he ever found the right woman? A headache began to make his head throb. Did he really want to know the answer? Yes, he needed to know before he might fall in love with someone with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. Would his not being able to father a child be a deal breaker for her? The answer would have a profound impact on his future.
"Captain Troy," a nurse called as she opened the door leading to the row of examination rooms. "The doctor will see you now."