Saying Goodbye

(takes place immediately following Chapter 21: Alexander)

The funeral home had removed the teeny body of Alexander Mark Hitchcock and Isla had been taken for more X-rays and tests. Mark sat alone in her hospital room with Troy keeping him company.

"Thanks for staying with me, Troy," Hitch said, drinking a mug of coffee the nurses had brought in. "I can't leave until I know how she is, and I don't relish the thought of going home to the apartment."

"No problem," Troy assured him, taking a sip of coffee. "Wow, this stuff tastes like what Tully used to make for us in the desert."

Hitch smirked a little before saying,

"No, it's too strong for Tully's, more like mine before Cal taught me properly." Troy nodded.

"I just can't believe this has happened. One moment we're talking and laughing and then, BAM, our whole lives have changed." Hitch said, setting down the cup and beginning to pace around the room. "Why did I give her such a hassle about her shoes? Why did I argue about going dancing? Why did that car hit her harder than me? I just don't understand." At last, the suppressed shock and grief of the evening hit him like a ton of bricks, and he sank to the floor in body shuddering sobs. Troy knelt beside him and enveloped him in his arms.

"It's okay, Hitch, let it out." The younger man continued weeping until weariness took over and he managed to regain some control. Troy helped him back to the chair and handed him the cup of coffee.

"Sorry, Troy," Hitch apologized, "I've just never felt this kind of loss."

"Hitch, there is absolutely no needing to apologize," Troy assured him, "I know how much I grieve for you. I can't even begin to imagine, what you are going through."

"We were both so excited about the baby," Hitch continued, his voice cracking occasionally. "To have him taken from us before we got to actually know him is nothing we had ever contemplated. And now, Isla, the injuries she's facing. Is she going to be okay? What if she won't be able to dance anymore? What is all of this going to do to her?"

"The same thing it's doing to you," Troy said quietly. "Break her heart." Hitch nodded and more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"However badly she's hurt, she's got a long recovery ahead. I've got to be strong for her. I should have done a better job of protecting her. I should have seen that car coming and pushed her out of the way."

"Nonsense," Troy said angrily. "You can't blame yourself for this. It was an accident. You got hit by a flying mailbox and were knocked out. No one could have predicted this, and I won't let you think you were at fault." Hitch shook his head in disagreement.

"There is one person at fault and that's the driver of the other car," Troy continued. "He made the decision to drive after drinking too much. He is the cause of the situation. He is the cause of his own death. He is the cause his wife is now a widow, and his children will grow up without a father."

"I didn't know he had a family," Hitch mentioned, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"One of the nurses told me," Troy replied. "Hitch, I've seen you do impossible things during our service together and I know how strong you are, but you've got to admit to yourself that you are grieving as well as Isla, as well as all of us who love and care for you both. Your loss is our loss as well, and we'll all have to support one another in the times ahead. I was looking forward to being Uncle Troy and buying your child every noisy toy I could find, just to annoy you." Here Hitch managed a slight smile.

"I'm not going say any nonsense about you and Isla being young, and you'll have other children because nothing is every going to replace Alexander in your hearts. You may have other children, I hope you do. They will create new loving places in your heart, but they won't fill the hole left by your firstborn." Hitch hung his head lower and nodded.

"As hard as all of this is, I just hope Isla's injuries aren't too bad," he said. "She's been through so much, she doesn't need a long recovery period."

"You'll know soon enough," Troy took a long drink of the how cold coffee. "I envy you, you know?"

"Why?" Hitch was puzzled.

"Like I envy Moffitt and Tully," Troy continued. "The three of you are happily married and I don't have that. I was really happy when I learned Isla was pregnant so all of you would have children and I could be their favorite, fun-loving, mischief-making uncle. I envied all of you,"

"But Troy, someday you'll have a wife and children of your own," Hitch was startled at Troy's admission.

"Maybe," Troy said noncommittally, "and maybe not. I haven't shared this with the others, but I know I can trust you to keep it between the two of us." He paused and took a deep breath. "I had some tests of my own a few months ago. Remember my bout with the mumps in Africa?" Hitch nodded. "Well, one of the side effects can be a loss of potency when it comes to fathering children. Let's just say, I'm pretty much shooting blanks so it's highly unlikely children will be a part of my future."

"I'm so sorry, Troy," Hitch was deeply moved by the confession. "I had no idea."

"Yeah, well, I've sort of come to grips with the idea," Troy said, "It's nothing like what you're going through."

"You will be their favorite uncle," Hitch agreed, thinking of Liam, Colin, Caroline and any future children he and Isla might have. "It's because you think too much like them and will go out of you way to frustrate us as parents."

A short time later Isla was returned to the room, and they found out the extent of her injuries. Her shoulders, back and pelvis had been deeply and severely bruised. A vertebra in her lower back had been cracked as had three of her ribs. Hitch breathed a sigh of relief there were no broken bones.

They had given her something to help her sleep and take the edge off the pain. That, along with the trauma of the birth had taken its toll. She was ready to close her eyes and rest.

"You go home. I'll be fine. Get some sleep," she murmured to her husband who kissed her and said goodnight. He took Troy home with him and they phoned the families to let them know the latest news. The sun was coming up as they both retired for some much-needed rest. The next few days would be a continuation of the current nightmare.

Three days later, in a brief, private, gravesite ceremony, Alexander Mark Hitchcock was laid to rest. Isla was allowed to attend, in a wheelchair. Her face was covered with a heavy veil, partly to hide her tears and partly to hide the contusions that covered her face. Since Mark's left hand was in a cast, Tully pushed the chair. Moffitt had arrived from England and Pippa had sent apologies since she couldn't leave her babies, and they were too young to travel such a far distance.

Earlier, at the funeral home, they had a chance for a final goodbye before the coffin was closed. Isla was moved to tears to see her child dressed in a beautifully embroidered white gown and cap, made by Granny Mac from the train of her own wedding dress. Ellanora had knitted white booties, and Moira had made a blanket of the MacKenzie tartan to wrap about her grandson.

The day was cold and overcast. A hint of snow was in the air. Troy carried the carried the polished wooden casket, no bigger than a shoebox to the gravesite. Moffitt read several scripture passages. Rev. Knack's words were comforting and hopeful and after the closing prayer, some distance away, a bagpiper played Amazing Grace causing everyone to shed a few tears.

They returned to the Hitchcock family home for luncheon afterwards. The four friends shared a drink in the library before returning to Hitch's apartment where they had been staying.

"We're going to stay here with my parents for a couple of weeks," Hitch shared, "until Isla is stronger. We've set up a hospital bed in a room downstairs and have a nurse on duty. Then I'm taking a personal leave of absence from the projects I've been working on. I'm taking her to a private hospital in Switzerland where she'll continue to recover and work on rehabilitating her muscles. We'll probably be there several months. She's determined to dance again."

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Tully asked.

"Yes," Hitch's eyes filled with tears, but they did not fall. "Could you get rid of all the nursery stuff and repaint the room a different color? I don't want Isla coming home and seeing it. I don't want to see it. Too painful." The others nodded and said their goodbyes. Hitch knew he could count on his friends, no matter what the situation or request. Now was a time of healing. They were brokenhearted but they still had each other so eventually, it would be okay.