You fall back, laughing at the face Junpei is making.
"It took you long enough! Oh, my God! I was starting to think I'd have to take this ridiculous wig off for you to recognize me."
His eyes are bugging and he gapes in disbelief. "You...you..." words fail him.
"Pretty good disguise, huh? I figured this would be the best way to not get caught since I'm suspended from school grounds until tomorrow. How do I look?" You stand and give a small twirl, showing off how well a girl's uniform fits you.
He scrutinizes you from head to toe. Without your binder, your figure looks quite different, and the pleated skirt is making his heart pound. From the angle he is sitting, there's a nearly perfect view beneath that flared hem. He forces himself to look down, but it's so hard for him. Especially after what he did last night. Oh, God. You look so...
"Pretty," he murmurs.
He's getting flustered. It was embarrassing that a random girl had made lunch for him, but knowing it was you changed things entirely. He wishes more than anything he could have tried your cooking. Damn that Himura!
"I'm sorry about your lunch. You're welcome to have half of mine, if you want?" Junpei holds up one of his sandwiches. "It's egg salad."
"Sure! Thanks," you accept it and take a bite. Thoughtfully chewing with a mischievous grin plastered on your face.
Your friend can't tear his eyes from you, hypnotized by your disguise.
You swallow your first bite. It's pretty good for a convenience store lunch. That reminds you… "So, about that bento box? I had a feeling someone might steal it if they saw a girl give it to you."
You take another bite, chewing thoughtfully, enjoying the look of Junpei trying to figure out what you did. He looks nervous as he asks, "You didn't…poison it did you?"
"Of course not! I made those tuna onigiri last night, and made sure to leave it out on the counter instead of in the fridge."
"Oh! Gross!" Ha gags. A fit of laughter escapes Junpei. He wipes his eyes after a minute, still giggling. "Himura's going to kill you, you know."
"He won't make it to his next class if he eats even one, that's for sure. But do you really think he would want to fight me again? Me? Nooo," You twirl again, tossing your hair with a casual flick of your wrist. "I'm too adorable like this!"
It's hard for Junpei to argue with you. To him you look incredible any way you're presenting.
"So...why are you dressed as a girl?" he wonders outloud.
You roll your eyes. "Duh, because of yesterday. Those rumors about you will stop now that everyone saw a girl bringing you lunch. Nobody will think you like boys anymore, so no more fights should happen over it."
"Oh...Those rumors didn't really bother me though." He blushes at once.
"They didn't?"
"No. I mean...everyone thinking we're together doesn't bother me at all. I thought maybe...it bothered you?"
"Why would it?" You ask genuinely.
He shrugs. "You're so strong, and self assured. I just don't think someone like me would make a good match for you. I'm weak. I can't do anything for myself."
"Well that's not what I think, Junpei. Especially after yesterday. You've definitely got what it takes."
He looks back up at you, startled. What do you mean by that? What it takes…to be your boyfriend?
Sensing the double meaning of your words, you're suddenly embarrassed. You choose to glance away from him, scratching the back of your calf with your shoe absently.
"Dammit, Junpei! I wish I knew this before I shaved my fucking legs." You huff, stomping your foot for theatrical emphasis. "You have no idea how long that took!"
Junpei falls out laughing again. "You didn't have to!"
"Well thanks for telling me now, asshole," you say with no real anger. "Fuck, I can't believe I put on makeup for nothing too! Plus I wasted money on this wig and new underwear."
"New underwear?" He asks bewildered. "Why?"
"For the skirt. All my boxers would've shown underneath. See?" You lift the hem, showing off the pattern of the panties you had to buy.
Junpei's face turns as red as a cherry. You think nothing about showing him your underwear though. He's seen you without a shirt, what's the difference?
He swallows hard. The memory of kissing you yesterday had him floating the entire way home yesterday. Now here you are pulling your clothes up for him to see... Dammit! Last night was supposed to be a one time thing only. How is he supposed to handle this image burned into his brain?
"Do you like girls, Junpei?" You ask in a teasing voice. He's so cute when he's caught off guard.
He shakes his head indicating no.
"You look like you do…."
"I…like you," He answers dreamily, tucking his bangs behind his ear for a rare glimpse into both of his eyes.
This time it's your turn to be surprised. Smoothing down the edge of the dumb skirt, you pretend to be interested in a pigeon that lands a few feet away.
"So what are you going to do for the rest of the day?" He asks.
You shrug, finishing the last bite of your sandwich. "This was the whole plan. I can walk you to your next class? And home again after school?"
He smiles brightly. "Sure. I'd love that. But you should come over sometime to study. You failed that math test last week."
"Ugh! Don't remind me! I should probably wait. I'm technically supposed to be grounded for yesterday."
"Okay. Another time then, " he agrees.
After finishing the rest of Junpei's lunch together, also consisting of a bag of spicy chips and a ginger soda, you make your way back down the stairwell to the main hallway. Just before opening the door, you reach back.
"We should hold hands," you offer. "Might as well keep up the appearance of your girlfriend while I'm dressed like this."
When his hand slips into yours, he pulls you in unexpectedly for a tight embrace. "Fushiguro…you're such a great friend. Thank you for doing this for me, even though you didn't have to."
You stroke his back slowly, resting your chin on his shoulder. "You're welcome…But don't get used to it. This was totally a one time thing. Shaving is a total fucking pain. Pretending to be a girl sucks!"
He chuckles at that. "Yeah, I bet it does. You don't have to do that for me."
A few students linger in the hallway as you walk to Junpei's next class. History. Bleh. You stroll in with him, forgetting for a moment that you're not supposed to be here today. It's sort of like being undercover. Maybe you'll overhear someone talking shit.
"I'll see you after class," you chirp brightly and twirl your hair around a finger, laying on the girl act thick for anyone who may be eavesdropping.
"Thanks again for coming by. I was really surprised." Junpei can't help blushing since he means every word of what he's saying.
From behind you, someone snorts in a derisive laugh. Turning to find the source, you see Tsubasa practically glaring bulletholes through your back. Aw, poor thing. She must feel threatened by having a new "girl" on her turf. And visiting the boy who publicly rejected and humiliated her no less! This must really annoy her. Hmmm…
You lean over and plant a kiss right on Junpei's cheek, making him blush all the way from his neck up to his ears. All for show of course. Not at all because the way he was twisting his hands together nervously made him so endearingly irresistible. A few students exchange shocked looks and hushed whispers with one another. Public affection always causes a stir.
"I'll see you after school and we'll walk home together," you promise.
"Yeah, see you soon, " Junpei agrees dreamily. This isn't you pretending is it? It feels so genuine. Any form of tenderness coming from you melts him to his core.
As you turn to leave, you pause just outside the door to pull out a makeup compact from the side pouch of the backpack you "borrowed" from the girl you met this morning. Pretending to reapply your lip color, which had left a visible print on Junpei's cheek when you kissed him, you spy something else. Tsubasa is seething in her desk. There's a pulsing vein at her temple you can plainly see. You can't resist throwing a triumphant look back over your shoulder, mimicking the exact same smile she'd given you in the movie theater.
Try anything, bitch. I won't be fucked with.
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You hang around the outside of school grounds after lunch with Junpei, killing time by looking at comics at a nearby bookstore. Too bad you can't afford to buy anything.
The final bell eventually rings, announcing the end of the school day. Students begin pouring out onto the sidewalk. When he spies you sitting at the nearby bus stop bench, still wearing the girl's uniform from another school, Junpei can't help but think how odd it is seeing you looking feminine. It's so...unnatural on you. To him you're a boy, without a doubt.
He waves and smiles, waiting for you to catch up to him. "Hope you weren't bored?"
"Ugh! Are you kidding? I've had people leering at me out here for hours. I've been plenty entertained telling them all to fuck off." You smirk devilishly.
That gets a laugh from Junpei, as he imagines how terrified any pervert would be if he made the mistake of being lewd with you. You take great care of yourself, and seeing you fight is quickly becoming one of his favorite things.
"So…should we…walk home together?" he asks while rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly overcome with shyness. Why did it feel awkward asking you that? Because you kissed him again earlier maybe? Oh, and showed him your panties on the roof. Oh, God… He vigorously rubs his forearm, trying desperately not to get overwhelmed while still in public.
You arch an eyebrow. "What's the big deal? We walk home together everyday," you remind him with a laugh.
From far behind him, you get a glimpse of the school doors swinging open. Nishimura and his fanboys are on their way out. Without skipping a beat, you smile sweetly at Junpei, slipping your hand into his.
"Whoa! What–Um, w-we aren't in school anymore," he starts, but your soft expression melts him.
"What's the big deal? Just a nice young couple walking down the street together right?"
"Huh? W-we are?" he sputters.
"Mm-hmm," You nod, watching from the corner of your eye as you're flanked on either side. You squeeze Junpei's hand to alert him.
He stiffens as Nishimura steps in front of the two of you, keeping stride with you. "Well, well, so what Tsubasa said is true! You actually found a girl desperate enough to date your pathetic ass."
Uh, excuse me. Desperate? Ohh, that bitch. She was playing hardball for sure. That's just fine. So can you.
Slipping back into your sweet "girl voice" for your Chihiro character, you throw Nishimura off his guard with a throaty giggle. "Desperate? Now that's an odd thing to say. Though if someone I don't even know wants to talk about me, maybe they're the one who's desperate to meet me."
You tap your fingertip lightly on the bully's name tag sewn into his school bag with white thread. "Ni-shi-muraa," you play with the sounds as if hearing them for the first time.
He's captivated, staring directly at you instead of watching out for the street sign in front of him. He collides with a metallic PANG! That snaps his head back. Honda rushes over to check on his friend as you and Junpei don't even slow your pace.
"Dude, are you alright? That looked painful."
"It was, you idiot!" He gripes, struggling back up to his feet. "Am I bleeding?"
"Not too bad. Don't worry, I don't think she'll notice a thing," Honda flashes Nishimura two thumbs up.
Sayama meanwhile has kept up his speed with the two of you. He glowers at Junpei, no doubt in pure jealousy. Girls never ask to hold Sayama's hand.
"So what is it you see in this guy? You got a kink for scars or something?"
That hits a huge nerve with you. Your hand tightens its grip around Junpei's, most likely bruising his fingers. He's too panicked to notice. What are you going to do?
You plant your feet, refusing to budge another step. "Junpei. You should take me out to dinner tonight since I brought you lunch today."
He balks, staring in confusion at your sudden request. "Dinner? O-okay…Um. Y-yeah, we can do that."
"And a movie too," you add without hesitation.
He gulps nervously. "I...umm, can't afford both right now."
Sayama pulls his wallet out, seeing an opportunity to get your attention. "I can!"
You have to hold back a smile as you turn your attention to him for the first time. "You can?"
He nods. "Yup! I get an allowance from my dad. I've got enough for you to have the night of your life–"
Your fingers pluck the cash from his hand as soon as he flashes it. "Wow! Aren't you just the sweetest!" Then turning to Junpei, you gush happily. "Isn't it nice of your friend to fund our date night like this? He should hang out with us more often, shouldn't he?"
Sayama stands frozen in place, unsure of what just happened.
"Well, come on, Junpei. We have a movie to catch." You wave back to the befuddled jerks behind you. "Thanks again!"
None of the bullies choose to pursue you any further.
Junpei walks with his mouth hanging open in bewilderment. "How the hell did you do that?"
"Hm? That? It was nothing really. The mascara is doing all the real work," you insist.
"You..You robbed him!" He sounds more amused than upset.
"Me? Never! He held out his money and said that he had enough for me to have a great night. He gave it to me," you insist.
Junpei shakes his head with a small laugh that sounds like a mixture of both awe and fear. "You're really terrifying, you know that? As any gender."
"I take that as a compliment, Junpei." You grin, tucking the reimbursement fund for your "save Junpei plan" that honestly worked out even more perfectly than you could have hoped.
"Oh, I know you do." His thumb strokes over yours.
Once at the steps of Junpei's apartment building, you find yourself reluctant to let go of his hand. It was nice pretending to be a couple for the day.
"Sorry I couldn't actually take you to dinner and a movie, " he apologizes weakly with a small chuckle. "With you still being grounded and all."
"It's alright. We'll have a date some other time," you giggle, with no real joke behind your statement. How is he going to react? You hold your breath, a nervous habit Toji had long broken you of.
He brushes his hair back, giving you his biggest smile. "I…I would really like that. I mean, only if you want to?"
There it is, out in the open. The bravest thing he's ever said. His heart is in his throat waiting for your reply. He's opened up so much since you've first met. His confidence grows whenever you're near, so influenced to believe in himself at last.
"Of course I would, Junpei. The moment I'm ungrounded. Deal?"
He beams at you, fingers raking his hair out of his face entirely as he laughs with glee. There's a glimmer of tears in his eyes. "Oh, come on! Who knows how long that's going to be?"
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"I'm hooome." You announce yourself, walking in and kicking off your shoes.
"Where were you?" Toji calls from the couch without turning around. He's watching TV with his chin propped. "You didn't have school today. You were supposed to stay-"
He silences himself when looks over at you. The scar at the corner of his mouth twitches. "What the hell is this? What...what are you wearing?" He demands, standing up and striding over.
His hand comes up, swiping his thumb across your chin. "Is this makeup?" his eyes narrow on your lips, he recognizes the color immediately.
"I found some under your sink," you explain. "I only used a little."
He doesn't speak. You feel the tremor in his hand.
"Sorry..." you offer, trying to step backwards away from him.
"Why are you dressed like a girl?" He finally demands.
"I went to see Junpei, and-"
"This is Junpei's idea!?"
"No, it was mine. I was only taking him lunch so everyone would think he's dating a girl," you explain.
Dating a girl...
Toji silently mulls over your words, all the color draining from his face. No, this can't really be happening.
"Stop looking at me like that! You're freaking me out." You try to walk past, but he places both hands on your shoulders to keep you in front of him.
"Listen, I know he's your...friend, but I don't like this." He looks you up and down again.
You growl and shake him off of you, "I don't like it either! This was just so he could-"
"Maybe you shouldn't see him anymore," Toji blurts.
You hesitate in your doorway, turning back around slowly. "Sorry…What was that?"
He regrets saying it, but doubles down anyway. "I mean it. You're in trouble constantly because of him. You can't get expelled from this school, you'll fall too far behind to catch up before we can find you another one. Don't you even care about that?"
"School is important to you, not me. Our agreement was that I'd get to fight if I went back," you remind him.
"Not. At. School! We fight at the railyards only," he counters.
"Easy for you to say. I can't help it when the fights come to me! You don't see what the other kids do to Junpei when no one is there to stop them. He can't even breathe without them stuffing their fists down his throat."
Toji is resolute. "You can't fight all of his battles for him. We taught him so he could stand up for himself."
"This fight wasn't just about him though! They drag my name into their drama, and then what? Don't I get the right to make them eat shit?"
"No! You don't!" He roars. His enormous frame towers over you. "You aren't on the street anymore. Not everything is life and death. And as much as you may hate it, your reputation isn't worth being a problem child!"
Problem child?! Of course. The label that's stuck to you all your life is making a comeback. This time being slung from someone who is't even your parent. That makes it all the worse.
You cram your feet back into your shoes, stomping to the door. "If I'm such a problem, then I'll leave!"
"Don't you–" But the slam of the door cuts off Toji's words. He stares, stupefied. Why the hell did he pick a fight with you like that? He knew better, but couldn't stop himself because…Because…
He's worried about you losing yourself. More than anything he wants you to be able to make it through life without that feeling of having absolutely no say in your identity. Conforming to what the people around you expect of you…It's hell.
He makes his way to the bathroom, wiping his eyes with his calloused palms. Stupid piece of shit… he curses himself.
That blew up in his face faster than he'd thought. Everything happened so quickly, it was like someone else was controlling his mouth, saying those things that he didn't even believe in himself. He didn't actually want you to lose your only friend. Junpei is the only person that you've brought around since he found you. Friends don't come easy for you. So what was that odd sense of protectiveness that came over him earlier? Caring about a kid's future, a kid that isn't even his own…It's not like him. But it also isn't like him to call in favors to forge a birth certificate and hospital records to call you his own.
His hands shake as he gathers up the loose makeup from the counter top, placing each little case gently back into the bag his wife always used. The smell of the colorful scented powders makes his eyes water. The room is thick with her perfume. Carefully, he zips the bag and hugs it to his chest. He sits on the floor, letting his forehead rest on his knees.
He cries quietly despite being alone. Saying her name under his breath, as if somehow she could offer him a solution.
If anyone could, it would have been her. She was the parent.
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Immediately you regret storming out without changing into your regular clothes first. A long haired guy at the elevators gives you a second glance then lamely attempts to start a conversation. A terrible choice really.
"Hi there. I've never seen you here–"
"NO!" you command him as if he were a stray dog coming to you.
"Ah, okay then," he meekly stands to the side as the elevator dings to your floor. You glare at him, commanding into place with willpower alone as the doors shut, forbidding him to get on with you.
As you ride down, you pick through a list of anywhere you can possibly go that's not here. Junpei's house is first on your mind, but you assume that would be the first place Toji would call and check. There's the railyards, but…With how you're dressed, you aren't feeling particularly in the mood to go out somewhere alone in a skirt. Probably not the best idea. In the end only one choice stands out.
The elevator doors open and you exit the building, making sure to hug the curb in case Toji is looking down for you. He wouldn't be able to see you from this angle. Maybe a little time to worry about you would calm him down. But then again. Why would he worry about a problem child like you?
The evening air chills your bare legs as you trod down the sidewalk path. So much for all of your good luck earlier today. Figures it would run out soon for you. People cast glances your way and you scowl at them, daring anyone to tell you to smile so you can bite their head off.
When you reach the fire escape that leads to Junpei's window, you stare up the impossibly tall metal ladder. Then you look down at your skirt, which is sure to blow up in the slightest breeze. Fuck. After today, you're never wearing one of these stupid things ever again. The days of "no-pants" are long behind you for a good reason. You require much more support and coverage for your life for times when you have to climb nineteen stories in the air on a rickety metal platform.
Or just go home to Toji…
You start climbing.
There's a knock at Junpei's door.
"Come in," he calls from his desk, erasing a mistake he'd caught while proof reading his homework.
His mother pokes her head through. "Junpei? Honey?"
"Yeah?" He turns all the way around when he hears the seriousness in her voice.
Her brow is knitted with concern, and she's holding her cellphone in her hands. "Fushiguro's father just called. He asked if we've seen him this evening or heard from him at all?"
"Huh? Is he missing?" Immediately he begins to imagine a million scenarios that could have befallen you.
His mother shakes her head. "Not exactly. It sounds like they had a little fight. Toji didn't tell me what it was about…But I told him I would ask you if you've heard from Fushiguro at all."
A movement out of the corner of Junpei's eye almost makes him turn his head toward his window, but he stops himself at the last second. "Nope. I haven't. He doesn't have a phone, so I have no way to contact him." Junpei answers truthfully.
Nagi purses her lips, and nods. "That's what I thought. I'll let him know we'll keep an eye out for him."
She lingers in the doorway, seeming to have something else on her mind.
"What is it, mom?"
"It's just….I worry about a boy like that."
"What do you mean?"
She winces, rueing her choice of words already. "He seems like he's an angry child. I know it must be hard for him, not having a mother…But he seems a bit volatile, don't you think?"
He tries hard to keep his expression even, not wanting to snap at his own mother for saying something so insensitive. She has no idea what you've had to go through. The sacrifices and effort you make for him are the only things keeping him at school. But she can't know that. She has to keep thinking that she's the one holding him together. The last thing he wants is to make her feel inadequate.
"Fushiguro acts exactly the way he's supposed to," Junpei answers finally. "I don't think anyone can tell him what his 'normal' behavior is supposed to be. If the world needs him to act differently, it can give him an easier life so he doesn't have to protect himself from everything."
His mother looks shocked by her son's response, but can't exactly argue with his logic. She sighs, preparing to close the door behind her. "I'm just glad I don't have to worry about you like that, dear. Good night."
"Good night, mom. Love you," he mutters.
After the door clicks shut, he gets up and locks the handle. Turning back to his window, he strides over quietly and climbs onto his bed to unlatch the window. He slides it open carefully, peering down at your huddled form sitting on the fire escape. After seeing his mom, you'd ducked out of sight. It's a shame that these older windows weren't sound proof. You'd heard everything she said about you.
"Hey," he whispers.
"Hey," you offer lamely as Junpei helps you through his window.
"What's up?" He asks, clearly aware that you're visibly upset. "Are you okay?"
You fall forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squeezing tightly. "Is it okay... if I stay here just for tonight?"
"Of course you can," he whispers. "What's wrong?"
"Toji's a fucking asshole. We had a fight."
"Well maybe he just needs some time to miss you." Junpei suggests. "It sounds like he does already."
"Good," you sniffle indignantly. You don't care that it sounds immature and small. You want to cling to that pettiness, that anger that protects you.
You tuck yourself into bed with him. Letting Junpei lie behind you. He strokes your hair repeatedly, gently reassuring you through his low sighs that he's here for you.
"You're a good boy…Such a good boy," he murmurs, repeating the same mantra you'd used to calm him before.
The pressure overloads, spilling through you in enormous swells of emotion. Suppressing both hands over your mouth, you sob as silently as possible.
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To Be Continued...