Chapter Nine

Hurt Feelings and Apologies

Kakashi-kun had grumbled when she woke him, but as soon as he'd seen the angry tears she couldn't hide, he'd relented, sighing, 'Tch… fine.' Once she'd gotten comfortable beside him, he shimmied closer. 'What's wrong, Me-chan?'

'Don't worry about it, okay?'

He'd looked skeptical but let it go, surprising her by tucking himself close to her before going back to sleep.

That was probably hours ago. She couldn't sleep. She felt so stupid. Earlier that day she'd imagined she might be growing to care about Kakashi more than she should. He had seemed like he actually wanted to know how she was, and for just a second she had felt a little less lonely. The thing with the fruit guy was silly—even if she had come back in time alone, she would never date a civilian—but it had made her feel pretty and valued for more than just how many enemies she could kill. He had asked to hear about it.

And then his voice had gotten nasty and mean in a way it rarely did, and he had all but called her a stupid little girl. How dare she enjoy the attention of a flirty guy, like a child, like some useless civilian woman. She was a kunoichi, she should be above such things.

Then she was so upset she was crying just like the child he thought she was. Stupid.

She wished she could sleep. Kakashi-kun had fallen back asleep easily, holding her arm to his chest, soft puffs of breath tickling her fingers. This Kakashi wouldn't grow up to be such a jerk to women, she would personally see to that.

The floor creaked and she snapped her eyes closed just as the door slid open. It was Kakashi, she could feel his chakra wavering in the doorway. What was he doing? What did he want?

Maybe he wanted to apologize. Maybe he wanted to berate her. Deciding she wanted to know, she opened her eyes and looked up, but he had already turned away and was closing the door. Damn.

'You're a kunoichi, one of the strongest there is.'

Her chest constricted as she thought over his words again. It was a compliment wrapped in an insult and a cruel timbre. Coming from him, it was a high compliment indeed. But why couldn't she be both? A powerful kunoichi could still just be a girl that wanted to feel pretty, desirable.

She had such terrible taste in men.

Sasuke had never been anything but mean to her. Not once had he shown any interest or returned her favor. And now she was harboring the ridiculous beginnings of feelings for Kakashi, and he was just as bad. Worse, probably.

It was so stupid.

Maybe she should go back and ask the really freaking cute fruit guy for a date.

The sun was finally high enough that he could justify getting out of bed. What little sleep he'd managed was shit. He'd had a nightmare, the one about Rin. It wasn't that surprising considering he'd actually seen her the day before. The intensity, the horror of it had been though—they hadn't been so bad in years. When he'd woken up, sweating and struggling to breathe with a scream in the back of his throat, he had immediately reached for Sakura. But she wasn't there. He was alone.

He hadn't gone back to sleep after that.

He didn't understand why she felt like she needed civilian men to find her attractive. He didn't understand why she'd gotten so upset when he'd reminded her how powerful she was. But he had decided sometime around three in the morning that he shouldn't have said what he had. If she hadn't been asleep when he had gone to the kid's room, he would have done it already. Maybe she would have forgiven him easily and come back to bed so he could sleep.

Probably not.

Dragging himself out of bed, he glared down at the futon. He should put it away. Later. When he opened the wardrobe to pull out a clean shirt, he found the new ones Sakura had gotten for him the day before, already unwrapped and hanging neatly on his side. He pulled one off the hanger, testing the smooth fabric between his fingers. She would have had to go to the shinobi district for these, on the other side of town from the civilian shops. As he dressed, he noted that the rest of his clothes smelled freshly washed too, a chore she almost always did for him now, thanks to their current arrangement. He already felt a bit guilty about that, but she'd insisted she had nothing better to do. Now he imagined her washing his pants, talking outloud to herself about how much of a rude inconvenience he was, as if one of her friends were there to nod along. I'm lonely…

Feeling even worse, Kakashi slipped outside. It would probably be a good idea to meditate for a while before talking to her. If he was going to apologize, he should think about his words more carefully than he had the night before.

An hour later, he ventured back inside to find her. She was in the kitchen with the kid. Apparently helping him with his bento's was going to be a thing. That was okay. It was a nice thing.

She did not look up when he approached. She did not even falter in her conversation with the kid.

"If you cut them like this and fry them, they look like little octopi. My mom used to do this for me."

"Me-chan, I'm not a baby."

She chuckled. "You're right. But you are five and you have me here now to spoil you. I want to make these. They're so cute!"

The kid sighed. "Alright. But you're not slicing up fruit into little hearts and stars. Rin's mom does that and it's silly."

Sakura laughed again. "I wouldn't dream of it. You don't even like fruit. I would use nori or ham."

There was a natural lull in their chatter as the kid grumbled so Kakashi decided now was a good time to say something.

"Good morning, Ayame."

Her shoulders tensed but that was the only sign that she'd heard him as she carried on plopping little sausages onto the frying pan.

Less inclined to ignore him, the kid leaned backwards around her to glare at him.

"Morning, Kakashi-kun."

His eyebrows drew together and he clicked his tongue disapprovingly before turning back to his share of the food preparation.

What was his problem?

Leaning against the counter, he looked down at what they were making. Injecting far more cheer into his voice than he currently felt, he hoped she would look at him. "Tako. Hm. Those look good, Ayame." He looked over at the kid on her other side. "I never had anyone to make me cute stuff like that when I was a kid. I always had to make my own food. Lots of boring fish and rice."

"Hm. That explains a lot." The kid side-eyed him from where he was scooping rice out of the rice cooker.

Sakura snorted. "Kakashi-kun. Don't be disrespectful to your elders."

He pursed his lips and looked Kakashi up and down as if deciding whether or not he deserved his respect. Well, if he ever wondered which of them the kid liked more, he guessed he had his answer. "Tch. Okay, Me-chan." Rice and other things ready, his bento only waiting for the tako, he wrapped his arms around her waist in a sudden hug that made her jump slightly in surprise. "I'm going to get dressed. Thank you for making my lunch, Me-chan." The sneaky little brat was glaring up at him the entire time, smirking when she affectionately patted his head.

"Alright. I'm almost finished, we can leave as soon as you're ready."

Seriously, what the fuck.

When he was gone, Kakashi tried and failed to catch Sakura's eyes. "What's his problem?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Kakashi-kun seems perfectly fine to me. I need to focus on what I'm doing, though, if you don't mind. I'd hate to burn his lunch."

He got the message.

'Fuck off, I'm still pissed.'

Okay. Fine. He could do that. She wasn't ready to hear an apology. That was fair. It could wait. "Right. I'll just go get ready too, then."

She didn't show any sign that she'd heard, pushing the sizzling sausages around the pan with her chopsticks.

The kid was waiting for him. His arms were crossed as he followed Kakashi into the room. "What did you do?"

Did he have to explain himself to… himself? "I don't know what you're talking about."

He scoffed, watching Kakashi fold up the futon. "Don't play dumb. I know you're at least as smart as me." Pft. At least. "Ayame took up more than half of my bed last night and she was crying when she woke me up."

That made him pause. He'd made her cry? He had seen her cry plenty of times before, but never because of him. Usually it was Sasuke.

Well if he didn't already feel like a bastard… He turned halfway around to look at the kid. "She was crying?"

He scoffed. "She was upset enough to leave and sleep with me, and you didn't think she would cry? Girls cry all the time. Even I know that. What did you do?"

Sighing, he went back to his task. "I said something that was true, that I thought she needed to hear, but she didn't take it quite how I meant it."

Frustratingly, the kid hummed knowingly, nodding his head like some wise little owl. "My dad says that just because something is true, it doesn't mean you always have to say it." He ticked out a finger and then another as if counting. "He also says that sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it. I've never really understood why you shouldn't just say something if it's true, but I get the second part I guess… Maybe that's what happened. Did you need to say what you said? What did your voice sound like when you said it? Did you say it like this?" He frowned and affected a familiar bored, almost nasty tone. "'Obito, you're such a useless waste of space!' Or like this:" His entire demeanor changed, his eyes shone with a smile and his voice was light and friendly, like what he was saying was some private joke. "'Obito, if you want to beat me next time, you'll need to train harder.'"

Where did this insight come from? For that matter, where had it gone? He could vaguely remember conversations with his father about how he treated his classmates. At thirty, Kakashi liked to think he'd learned when to keep his mouth shut and when to impart wisdom. Apparently not.

Sighing, he drug his hands through his hair. That was exactly what had happened. He had been upset at the idea of her flirting with other men and as a result, his words had come out harsh and mean… No, that's not right. Not other men. That implied he was jealous, and that certainly wasn't the case. It was just that the particular man in question was unworthy of her. Sasuke had been unworthy of her too. He was just worried that she would get hurt again, that was all.

But she was a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. She didn't need him to choose for her, and she certainly didn't need him to make snarky comments when she was just trying to share about her day. What the hell had he been thinking? Of course she knew who and what she was. Just because she spent her days like his domestic little housewife didn't mean she'd suddenly forgotten she was a powerful kunoichi. After all, what had he been doing for the last month? Building tables?

"So you're going to apologize for making Me-chan cry, right?"

Standing, he looked around the room, tidying his already neatly organized things and plucking a tangle of loose pink hair from the floor. "Yes." He hated the idea of her crying over something he'd said when that had never been his intention. "Come on, let's get you to school."

The kid stuck close to Sakura the entire walk to the Academy. Even Pakkun seemed to be in on it, trotting along on her other side, forcing Kakashi to walk two paces behind. After petting the colluding pug and giving an excessively sweet goodbye to Sakura, he took off, finally leaving them alone. Well, as alone as you could be on a semi crowded public street.

"I'll see you tonight." Sakura bent over to scoop up Pakkun and turned to leave without giving him a chance to say anything.

"Sakura, wait—" He reached for her but she sunshined away and his hand closed around empty air. Dammit. They were supposed to be civilians and she'd just used jutsu to escape him in broad daylight. Gritting his teeth—frustrated with her and with himself—he surreptitiously looked up and down the street, relieved to see that no one seemed to have noticed. Konoha was a shinobi village, after all, and they had been dropping a child off at the Academy. If anyone noticed them at all, they probably assumed they were related in some way, possibly even his parents. It really wasn't that noteworthy.

If he followed, forcing her to hear him out before she thought she was ready might only make things worse.

Making a decision, he hoped Kizashi wouldn't mind that he was late.

Damn.

Hopefully no one noticed her little slip. She shouldn't have. Especially if there happened to be any ANBU in the area. If the wrong person saw it could blow up their cover.

She really was a stupid child. He probably only wanted to apologize.

Or to remind her not to go smiling at random men while he was gone.

Some of her irritation with him came back. Why couldn't he just compliment his friends nicely like a normal person? Why did it have to be wrapped up in a nasty barb? What did he care if she was flirting with other men anyway?

Other men.

A ridiculous notion occurred to her. He couldn't be jealous… could he? Surely not.

No. It was silly. Just because she was starting to feel things she shouldn't, didn't mean he was.

"Cute."

She huffed, setting Pakkun down just inside the door, announcing herself to the empty house as she stood. "I'm ho—Fuck the kage! What the oh—" She nearly fell backwards over Pakkun but Kakashi's hand caught hold of her arm just in time. He jerked her towards himself hard, slamming her into his chest.

"Sorry, Sakura."

"Ow." She pulled back, glaring up at him as she rubbed her nose. "What are you doing here?"

He frowned, tipping his head to the side. "You used ninjutsu in broad daylight, Sakura. We're unknowns here. I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't the only one to follow."

Knowing he was right but still annoyed, she sighed and looked away. "I know. I should have exercised more caution. I am a kunoichi. I should know better. Just like I should know better than to flirt with random men… apparently." That sounded childishly bitter. Fuck. She swallowed, straightening up to look at him properly. "I just didn't want to talk to you."

The frown had faded and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking chastened. "I know you know that. I…" He sighed. "I'm sorry, Sakura. I shouldn't have said what I did last night. I was worried about you—"

She scoffed. "Worried about me? Because I smiled pretty at some civilian guy?" Maybe he was jealous.

He sighed again, scrubbing his face. "Yes—no! No. It's just… You don't belong with someone like that, Sakura."

What? "Kakashi I am perfectly capable of—"

He took a step closer, reaching for her arm but instead jerked his hand back to his side before he could touch her. "I know that, Sakura. Look, I'm trying to apologize…" He scrunched his eyes closed. When he opened them, he didn't seem to be able to look at her. "I know someday you're going to meet someone and you're perfectly capable of making that choice on your own. I don't want you to get hurt again—"

"Kakashi I—"

"—but I overstepped. You are one of the strongest kunoichi there is, and you haven't even reached your full potential. I know you know that. I also know you're smart enough to make your own decisions. If you want to settle for some civilian with perfectly fine cherries—" That didn't sound bitter at all. "—If that's what makes you happy then… I'll be happy for you. I'm sorry I was such a 'dick.' I can't promise I'll never unintentionally say anything hurtful again, but I don't want you to feel like you can't trust me." His shoulders sagged and he finally met her eyes. "I am sorry you're so lonely here, Sakura. I don't think I can fix that for you, but I want—need you to know that you can rely on me. Please forgive me."

For what felt an eternity, all she could do was stare up at him, absolutely baffled. What the fuck?

Sakura had absolutely no idea what to make of his breathy, clearly painful to get out, apology. Did he even realize how that sounded? Probably not. And why did he think she actually wanted to marry the cherry guy? Did he really think she was going to leave him?

Letting out the breath that had gotten trapped somewhere around 'I'll be happy for you,' she really looked at him. He was standing far too close, his hands carefully tucked under his arms. His long silver eyelashes shadowed his high cheekbones as he stared down at her shoes, waiting for her response. Her mind supplied the rest of his face from the frequently replayed memory. Fuck, it was unfair how handsome he was.

Ducking her head, she put her eyes in his line of sight, forcing him to look at her. "I forgive you, Kakashi. Thank you for apologizing." The tense lines of his body relaxed subtly. "But, you have to know I'm not leaving you for a handful of free cherries."

He clicked his tongue and looked at the wall beside her head. "I know that, but someday—"

"Kakashi, I told you, remember? You're stuck with me."

"Sakura, you don't need to resign yourself to—"

She folded her arms, cutting off his nonsense. "Didn't you just say I'm smart enough to make my own decisions?" That shut him up. "We're here—in what is very likely actually the past—together. We're going to change things, raise Tenzō, and make sure all of our precious people have better lives… together. Where exactly does cherry guy, or anyone else for that matter, fit in that plan?"

He frowned down at his folded arms, shaking his head. "Sakura, you–you're young. You deserve to be loved. To be happy… if you can be."

It startled her to realize just how much it hurt that he seemed so convinced she couldn't find that with him. She wondered if it was her or him. "Maybe someday I will be. Right now, I want to stay with you. I want to see our plans through. I want Tenzō to have both of us. I want to make sure Kakashi-kun grows up with some freaking manners." He snorted softly. "For now, this is enough. Don't worry about my love-life."

His dark eyes searched hers before he sighed and looked away. "If you say so, Sakura."

"I do. Now, get to work before my father gets wise and fires you." She held out one hand palm up and struck it with her other index finger. "I spent a lot of ryō yesterday."

He looked at her, his eyes full of a familiar fondness and shook his head. "Alright, I'm going. Goodbye, Sakura."

She offered him a small smile in return. "Goodbye, Kakashi."

It had felt to Kakashi like he'd stumbled through his apology, not fully understanding his own feelings, just knowing he needed her to forgive him. She was the only piece of his old life he had left, and he hadn't realized just how much he had come to rely on her until he'd jeopardized their relationship. She had forgiven him, of course she had, but something had changed between them. Kakashi wasn't quite sure what it meant, but he felt it every time their eyes met. Meeting her at the Academy every afternoon, watching her melancholy melt into a content smile the moment she saw him made him think she might feel it too.

As the days slipped by, turning into weeks, Kakashi found himself lulled into the security of relative peace. There was war brewing, but working as a civilian carpenter instead of a shinobi, coming home to Sakura and the kid every night, the sort of light conversation and banter he expected was normal for a family, it was easy to forget the world outside their bubble. Having lived alone almost his entire life, it surprised him how much comfort there was to be found in the simplicity of a shared routine, a shared space. Though, maybe that comfort was more to do with whom he now shared those things and the strange shift in their relationship.

Kakashi had had friends. Friends with whom he shared deep and decades-old bonds that he cared for greatly. But despite that, he had always still held himself a little bit apart from them. They were important, precious, but not too close. Konoha and whatever mission always had to be more important. So far as he knew, only Tenzō had ever seen his face, and that had been years ago back when he'd been in ANBU.

Now, Kakashi was slowly getting to know his father when he was home in between missions, and he thought he genuinely enjoyed Kizashi's good humor. But everything about Sakura was different. She felt safe and grounding and constant in a way he had never experienced before. Slowly, steadily, and without even trying, she had gotten closer—more precious—than he'd ever allowed anyone before. He told himself it was their years of friendship and forced proximity. Definitely not her promise to stay with him, to be a family someday with Tenzō. Not her quiet support whenever she noticed him struggling with the ghosts that poured out of the Academy every day, never pushing, never asking questions he wasn't sure he was ready to answer.

Whatever had changed, she was his most precious person, and he was thankful that she was with him.

Preparing dinner and Kakashi-kun's bento's had become daily rituals for the three of them when Sakumo was away. As was seeing them off to the Academy and her family's woodshop. Some days, Sakura braved her grandmother's house if she needed her, plainly ignoring intrusive questions about her sex life or whether or not she was pregnant yet. Other days, she helped the elderly neighbors who were blessedly uninterested.

Often, she stayed home to do the same domestic chores for herself. She desperately missed working as a kunoichi, but it wasn't the worst way to spend her time while she couldn't. Training every evening kept her in fighting shape, even if her strongest opponents lately were particularly stubborn stains. Part of her whispered the reminder that it would not be so peaceful forever.

With her days so quiet, she had more time than she thought she'd ever had to think. And frequently, her thoughts turned to her fellow time traveler. Kakashi. She thought about the occasional glimpses of his face in the mornings or at night as he seemed to grow more comfortable and lax in her presence. She thought about his vicious-looking wolf teeth that she still wanted to touch—she definitely never thought about what they might feel like grazing along her bare skin, and was Kakashi the type to bite his lovers?

She frequently thought about the, 'confronting ghosts in the schoolyard' conversation they had yet to have. His reaction to them had gotten less severe after the first time, but he still froze up and clung to her hand like it was the only thing keeping him from drifting away on the tide of guilt she could see in his dark, unsettled eyes. Most often, she thought about the strange shift in their relationship and the hope it stoked in her that maybe one day he could see her as more than just a precious friend.

She also thought about Pakkun. Kakashi occasionally helped Kakashi-kun train the young ninken. He would pet him when he came up to him or occasionally climbed into his lap, but the little pug was decidedly Kakashi-kun's companion and it was definitely wearing on him. She couldn't do anything about either of their human friends, but maybe there was something to be done about the ninken.

"Ayame-san? Ah, here, let me help you with that." Sakumo, freshly returned from a mission, dropped his bag on the engawa and came down to where she'd been tossing wet bedding over the line to dry. She didn't really need his help. They were heavy, but she was probably stronger than he was. It did present her with the opportunity she had needed. Kakashi was gone, and therefore not going to overhear or walk in on their conversation.

"Sure. Thanks." She let him help her with the next blanket while she worked up the nerve. "Sakumo-san, I was wondering… how does one form a contract with ninken?"

He looked up from the basket of wet laundry with a small, curious frown. It reminded her of his son. They really did look a lot alike. "Well, our family has a contract with several different ninja hound packs going back generations."

"Like the Inuzuka?"

"Well…" He tossed another sheet over the line and smoothed it out. "Sort of like that. Ours is a little more…" He squinted up at the sky as if trying to find the right words amongst the clouds. "Ancient… tied to our blood, if that makes sense."

Her tongue ran along her teeth as she watched him grab another bit of damp bedding. He caught the movement from the corner of his eye and looked at her, tracking her tongue for half a second before snorting, clearly amused. "Has Karasu never explained about his teeth? Surely he doesn't hide them from his wife."

"Uh…" Blushing, Sakura ducked her head. "Of course not… I just… well it seems rude to ask." She plucked a bit of lint off one of the sheets.

He laughed again, his lips pulled back from his teeth in a wide grin. Fuck, father and son looked so alike. He was almost as handsome as Kakashi, especially with that smile.

What does it say about me that I'm so disgustingly into the fangs?

"Well, our bond with our ninken is different from the usual summoning contract. It was made with blood and chakra, but also certain promises and family ties. It changed our ancestors—" He snapped his teeth playfully. "—and gave the wild hounds the ability to speak and work ninjutsu with us. I suppose most summons were created in a similar fashion, actually. Ours was just tied to our family line uniquely."

"Hm." The image of a slug-human hybrid came to mind and she barely held back a shudder. "So the teeth and the keen sense of smell? It's like a kekkei genkai?"

He nodded. "There's a little more to it than that, but…" His eyes darted away and she thought the back of his neck pinked faintly. "Yeah, it's like a kekkei genkai. Dominant traits. To my knowledge there's never been a blood Hatake without them, and we always marry outside the clan." He scrunched up his face in mild disgust. "Unlike some other major clans."

His open distaste made her laugh. The Uchiha and the Hyuga were both known for almost mandatory intermarriage. They were getting off track. "So the ninken?"

"Ah. Well, whenever there are puppies, they let us know in case we want to add to our working packs. Before the last war when there were more of us, it was a better situation. Now… well most of them will stay in their realm their whole lives. Why do you ask?"

Pinning the sheet he had just hung, she folded her hands and turned to face him. "Can anyone in your family do this?"

He nodded, a glimmer of understanding in his dark eyes.

"Sakumo-san, I would like to ask you for something. But… not for myself."

"Ayame-san, you saved my life. I owe you a life debt. You may ask anything of me." He was so earnest, and standing so close. It was an effort to keep the blush from overtaking her face.

If you'd come back alone and still managed to save him…

She blinked hard and tried to focus on the hanging bedding. "I wonder if the next time there are puppies, you would talk to Karasu? He used to have eight ninken. They were… very precious to him, and he misses them so much."

Sakumo smiled sadly at her. "I'm positive that he does. Is this something he wants?"

She sighed, meeting his eyes again. "Honestly? I don't know. He's not the sort of man to let himself want things. And he's been hurt so many times… But I think if you offered, it would make him very happy. That's all I want."

"Hm." He nodded again, smiling a little more happily down at the empty basket as he picked it up for her. "I hope he knows how lucky he is." She was thankful he wasn't looking at her so she could hide the burning on her cheeks. "But I can do that for you, Ayame-san."

"Thank you."