First Arc - Chapter 6: Fated Helplessness
Sasuke lounged on the sofa, his form lazily stretched out against the cushions. The room had a lived-in warmth; off-white walls bore the chaotic scribbles of multi-coloured crayons, and the faint scent of baby powder lingered in the air.
He recalled, "And then he tried to eat my cheek and nose…drooling all over me." His nose was slightly scrunched upwards at the memory of a tiny baby latched onto his cheek, his gums grazing his skin, the baby nuzzling his face on his nose and attempting to attack his nose.
"Early signs of teething," the woman sat across him cradling a baby girl in her arms while answering him with pointed crimson eyes filled with knowing glint.
"He plays with my hair a lot, any baby science about it?" Sasuke cocked his eyebrow at her.
Kurenai's lips twitched into a smile as she gently patted her daughter's back. "No science, Sasuke. He just likes you." She gave him a teasing glance. "Shouldn't you be taking notes on all this?"
Sasuke shrugged, "I remember well," he insisted.
"Hand-eye coordination starts developing around six months," Kurenai continued, her tone more instructive now, watching as Sasuke leaned in, absorbing her words with unusual attentiveness. "Try using rolling balls to help him track and reach for objects. You can also let him splash in water—just don't fill the tub too much."
"When will he start walking?" Sasuke questioned.
Kurenai chuckled, finding his haste endearing. "Let him start crawling first," she advised. "Give him tummy time, this helps his muscles and he'd start responding by pulling his muscles to make light movements."
Sasuke tapped his chin absentmindedly, "Like rub his stomach?"
Kurenai stood from her seat, moving gracefully to the crib in the corner of the room. She laid her sleeping baby down, the soft fabric of the crib sheets rustling gently as she draped a fluffy blanket over her daughter. She bent down to kiss the baby's cheek before returning to her chair, her movements careful and deliberate.
Then, she returned and sat on the rocking chair beside the crib and continued, "No, you little child! Make him lay on his stomach, pat his back, use toys like rolling balls and put them at some distance so he can begin his movements."
"Oh," Sasuke mused, deep in thought about all the information that Kurenai was feeding his brain.
"You are really interested in this, Sasuke?" Kurenai asked, her tone carrying a stern shade as if she doubted him. She did. But he didn't care about who trusted him, he just wanted to make things easier for Naruto's girl and his son.
Sasuke commented, deadpanned. "Of course. I wouldn't take…these sessions with you for nothing."
Kurenai entwined her fingers and put her joined hands on her lap, questioning him, "Why me?"
"You are her sensei, I doubt you'd have any ill thoughts about her. I thought you'd be ready to assist me…for her sake." Sasuke picked up the glass of water offered to him on the table in front of him, taking a huge gulp of cold water, "Also it is not like there is any adult in Konoha who'd be better; Kakashi is busy reading his erotica novels, Gai is parading around in spandex while being on a wheelchair, Tsunade is most of the time drowning in sake, Yamato is busy running after the Genins — I am sure you understand my lack of options," he didn't mean his words with a shade of humour but it made her chuckle.
"Got it," she snickered.
"Also…you have a baby and you also…went through the loss of your lover." He had stepped cautiously around the topic.
Sasuke felt his throat dry at the thought of the loss of Naruto, despite the sparkling liquid filling him, the thirst for something unknown remained unquenched.
Kurenai frowned, continuing to explain as if Sasuke had downplayed the pain of her beloved student, "But her situation is different, Sasuke," she mused, her voice edged with sadness. "Yes, I lost Asuma, but I didn't lose my body, my strength, or my chakra. For a shinobi, our strength is our identity. Giving birth to Haru took that from her."
"I know—" Sasuke interrupted, only to be cut off by her curt tone.
"You don't. You don't know Hinata. She worked the hardest to become who she was before Haru, her self-esteem had always been an issue, thanks to her family but she overcame it." Kurenai had a ghost of a sad smile on her face, "To see all of that being taken away from her…just like that, it must have broken her mind bits by bits but then Naruto's departure aided in worsening it."
"She can heal again—"
"Body? Yes. Chakra? Perhaps. Byakugan? I don't think so. She had the most tremendous range, but now it is back to being average. Her confidence and self-worth took a dip after she was made aware of this." She rubbed her face with haste, her expression pained, "I am just shocked why? No Hyuga woman went through such severe after-effects after pregnancy."
Yes, because none of them were carrying a baby with Nine-tailed chakra, which was sucking each ounce of the strength from the mother. Kurenai was not one of those who were made aware of the truth of Naruto's death and Haruto's Nine-tailed, so Sasuke couldn't express his views on it.
Kurenai rocked slowly on the worn-out chair, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as if trying to shield her soul from the weight of the world. Her eyes, heavy with exhaustion, fluttered shut for a moment, lost in thought. The dim light of the room cast long shadows across her face, making her look older and more burdened. Her voice wavered when she finally spoke, her words laced with quiet frustration.
"She could recover if she set her mind to it, but I know she's…"
Sasuke filled in the silence when she couldn't find a word within her to express her sentiments, "Broken."
The word hung in the air like a bitter truth, and Kurenai stopped rocking. The old chair, which had been creaking with every movement, now stood still, its silence as weighty as the conversation. "Sakura or Shizune can help her," she suggested, but even she seemed unconvinced.
Sasuke's jaw clenched, his fists tightening at his sides. His patience was fraying. He could feel it—his restraint slipping away as he thought of Hinata's stubborn refusal to seek help. A sharp exhale escaped his lips, nearly a groan of exasperation. "She doesn't want to face the world," he muttered, his gaze drifting back to the darkened streets outside the window. "She twitches when people are around her. Even her closest friends make her uncomfortable."
Kurenai's head lowered, her long hair spilling forward as she unhooked her legs and shifted in her seat. She fidgeted, fingers tracing the fabric of her pants as if seeking comfort in the familiar. "Because she doesn't want to be considered weak and helpless again. She had felt it before, the eyes that bore into hers and called her worthless. She doesn't want that—"
Sasuke's frustration surged, and his fingers dug into his thigh. His voice sharpened, cutting through the room like a blade. "But she isn't weak. She can recover. Why can't she simply—"
Before he could finish, Kurenai's gaze lifted, her once soft eyes now burning with a fiery intensity. She straightened her posture, her body rigid with defensiveness. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest, her expression hardened, and her scarlet eyes—Sasuke noticed—almost seemed to glow with suppressed rage.
She shot back, "You don't know how it hurts, you have always been revered for your strength, for your talents…she has been considered a failure by her family, a worthless Hyuuga princess…by her own father, her own council."
But Sasuke knew, for he too had been compared and defiled, considered worthless compared to his brother, and deemed a failure by his father. A failure. The world had hailed him as a genius, but no one ever saw the blood, the tears, the relentless struggle behind that strength. They didn't see the sleepless nights, the battles within. All they saw was the Uchiha bloodline, and they assumed power flowed naturally. But his strength—it had been carved out of pain, out of sacrifice, and desperation. It came from being broken.
They attributed everything to his bloodline, but no Uchiha except Madara could achieve the strength, the power, the force that Sasuke had achieved. Because not all Uchihas were meant for the cursed greatness.
And all that came from pain. A cursed strength. A fatal power. A destructive force. Sasuke Uchiha also worked his soul off for that power, after his brother had fucked his mind with his Genjutsu to carve power onto him, uncaring how much it bled and stung him. He gambled himself in front of Orochimaru after his brother had thrashed him around, making him feel small and weak. His childhood was also marred by the damaging feelings roiling inside him with puncture wounds, oozing with helplessness.
He knew the emotions of being worthless too.
He had picked himself up, despite being bled dry, despite losing every ounce of sanity, despite the soul-crushing agony.
Hinata could try too, Sasuke wondered.
The room felt colder, heavier. Kurenai's eyes softened as she stood from the chair and moved beside Sasuke, her presence suddenly gentler. She sat down on the couch next to him, her weight sinking into the worn cushions. "I know what you're thinking," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "I've spoken to Kakashi enough to understand a little about you."
Her hand, delicate but firm, rested on his shoulder. Sasuke stiffened under the contact, a shiver running down his spine. His muscles tensed the urge to pull away—to push her, to break her hand off him—flickered in his mind like a dangerous spark. He hated being touched. The invasion of personal space set his skin on edge and made his blood simmer beneath the surface.
He didn't like being touched.
But he endured.
It was all for Hinata. He reminded himself.
He nodded simply, averting his gaze, leaning back and his eyes glued to the ceiling, tracing on the cracks and the peeling paint.
"It is not easy for her, Sasuke," Kurenai began, her voice dropped to an octave lower, concealing the sadness bubbling in her throat, "Her father disowned her knowing about her pregnancy, and her council denounced her. Naruto was there to back her, so she endured it all. But now…she is alone."
I have offered myself to her. His mind spelt out in the silence while his eyes scoped out the ceiling mapped by chipping paint that was a blur in his vision now. The weight of their shared silence filled the room as they both grappled with the impossible task of pulling someone back from the edge of despair.
"Her own grandmother, who is a prominent figure in Hyuuga council…came to Naruto's memorial and spat her venom on her face about how she is incapable of taking care of her child, especially with her faltering strength. And how she and her baby have to be sealed."
The word slammed into Sasuke's mind like a hammer blow. His spine went rigid, fury blooming hot in his chest, igniting every nerve. Seal? That cursed mark, the cage that chained the Hyuuga's fate to submission—it was unthinkable. His dark eyes snapped toward Kurenai, who was visibly struggling to calm herself, her breaths coming in shallow, uneven bursts as she recalled the vile memory.
"What the hell—" He gritted his teeth, growling under his breath. No one had the right to be near Naruto's son, especially with the intention of any grueling acts, his blood roared. Hinata wasn't Hyuuga, neither was she an Uzumaki, she owed no clan her allegiance or any seal to provide safety to any clan's secrets.
"No wonder she's hiding herself away," Kurenai murmured, her voice trembling with sympathy. The colour had drained from her face, and the fierce gleam in her crimson eyes now dulled to a haunting sadness. "The threat resurfaced after Naruto's death. It's not just her grief, Sasuke. She fears for her child's safety. Her condition... it's only part of what's keeping her trapped."
She squeezed his shoulder, to assert her statement. He threw a cutting glare at her, but to no avail, her wailing gaze couldn't decipher the frustration pooling inside Sasuke at the unintentional touch which he didn't like to welcome.
But her face was morphed into a pained canvas…for Hinata. So, he let her seek support on his shoulder.
For a few minutes, a silence shattered around them, holding nothing in its rhythm. The loud noise of the validity of Hinata's fears echoed in his ears, bursting his eardrums, making him unable to listen to the sanity yelling at his mind to back off from all that…while he had the chance. If he took another step forward, if he committed any deeper, he knew there would be no return to the nomadic life he had planned for himself.
But then... hadn't he already crossed that line?
He rose from the couch, his shoulders squared, the tension in his body rippling beneath the surface like barely contained lightning. His jaw clenched so tightly it hurt, his voice low and dangerous when he finally spoke. "I'll take care of anyone who dares touch Naruto's family."
His sanity screamed at him to walk away while he still could, to abandon this path before it swallowed him whole. But he listened to Hinata's fears dancing in the silence.
And he felt the need to shield her from the cacophony of scares of the world around her.
He darted to the door, holding onto the knob, missing the etiquette of wishing goodbye to the host. Before he could turn the knob and leave towards his shared home with Hinata, what Kurenai told him had shaken him from his core, "She is worth the effort, Sasuke."
He gave a sidelong glance to her, her sweet devotion laced her words which tugged at the nerves of Sasuke, because he never thought of her worth for him, what was she worth to him? A new question lingered in his mind. Effort, was all that he did called Effort?
Was he truly becoming this selfless? Dragging his feet toward a future that promised nothing but pain and uncertainty—for someone who, in his mind, wasn't supposed to mean anything to him beyond a duty? Naruto's promise made it unbearable to breathe, but he knew that it was Naruto's hence…he couldn't back off. His sanity could go and fuck itself.
He was in a state of fated helplessness where he knew that he was dragging his feet towards a future which was uncertain, cruel and even dark. His lips curled inwards and tightened. The fury at the uncertainty of his decisions burned his insides and jabbed at him with shards of doubt.
.
.
.
Sasuke rapped his knuckles against the wooden door, hoping for once he wouldn't need to rely on his Rinnegan to teleport himself inside. Thankfully, the door swung open, sparing him that extra effort. Hinata stood before him, her expression distant, her skin pale and ashen against the dim light filtering through the entryway.
Her hair was messily tied into a bun, strands falling loose around her face, which looked hollow and drawn. She wore a simple white dress that clung loosely to her thin frame, far too big for her now. A gust of wind swept in, causing her to shiver slightly as she stepped aside to let him in without a word.
There was no greeting. Not that he expected one. The once-poised Hyuuga heiress had forgotten her etiquette—or simply stopped caring about it altogether.
As Sasuke stepped into the living room, the space felt as cold as the woman who inhabited it. The once vibrant, serene home had become eerily silent, save for the clattering sounds of Hinata busying herself in the kitchen. Pots clanged, utensils clinked, and boxes were stacked with more force than necessary, creating a constant noise that filled the tense air.
Sasuke sank into the worn couch, letting out a long breath as he tossed a small bag near the leg of the couch. He reached up to rub the back of his neck, feeling the tight knots of tension that had accumulated after days of restless nights and haunting thoughts. His muscles screamed for relief, but his mind was too crowded to focus on anything physical.
He poured himself a glass of water from the jug sitting on the low table, the cold liquid sliding down his throat, but it did nothing to quell the emotions roiling in the pit of his stomach caused by Kurenai's words about Hinata; her failing strength, her failing mind and her fears.
Sasuke had his befuddled mind on his side only, knowing nothing about how to help her. He took the duty upon himself to give protection to Naruto's child and Hinata, but he was not the right person to have any expertise in healing others while he himself was spiralling down the spiral.
The thoughts in his head became crisper, clearer and daunting. Fear of messing up Naruto's family instead of saving still lingered within him, awakening a desire to bolt out of the house again, but his thoughts paused by the faint wailing noises coming from his side. His head snapped towards the crib, that little Naruto was awake.
Sasuke rose from the couch, moving toward the crib with quiet, measured steps. He peered down at the tiny figure, a baby wrapped in soft blankets, his delicate hands curled into fists as he rubbed his eyes. Chubby legs kicked the air, and his mouth parted to release a string of sleepy babbles that made no sense to Sasuke.
Haruto lay nestled in a plush bed surrounded by his favourite stuffed animals: a green toad, a tiny brown bear, and a blue dinosaur. The sight triggered a flicker of nostalgia in Sasuke's chest, transporting him to a distant memory of his own childhood. He could almost see himself sitting on the tatami mats of the Uchiha household, toys scattered around him—a green dinosaur among them.
He used to play until Itachi came and promised him the training he couldn't give him. He shut his eyes against the memory, drilling it into the darkest corners of his brain so it could never resurface again.
He reached out hesitantly, his fingers brushing against Haruto's fine blond hair. The baby stirred, letting out an excited gurgle instead of the whine Sasuke had expected. Sasuke could see the distinction. His sleepy eyes gleamed as he took in the view of Sasuke staring at him with bewildered eyes.
With courage borrowed from nowhere, Sasuke steeled himself, stretching out both trembling arms and slipping his hands beneath his armpits to pick up Haruto. The baby in his hold was remarkably quiet, nuzzling his tiny nose against Sasuke's neck. His small head nestled into the crook of Sasuke's shoulder, instinctively seeking warmth and comfort. Sasuke carefully cradled the boy's head, as if it might shatter in his hands. With a swift nudge of his knee, he pushed the low table out of the way, making space on the wooden floor
He lowered himself to the ground with deliberate slowness, moving as if gravity itself might betray him and send the fragile creature in his arms tumbling to the floor. Haruto's mouth, wet with saliva, busily nibbled at Sasuke's jaw. Gross saliva again, Sasuke thought with mild exasperation, resisting the urge to wipe it off immediately. He sat cross-legged, the baby still tucked securely in his arms, his small body buzzing with quiet curiosity.
Kurenai's voice echoed in his mind, reminding him that babies this young still lacked the strength to support their own bodies. Seven months, she had said, and Haruto was not quite there yet.
Shifting Haruto gently, Sasuke positioned the baby on his lap, feeling the small, rounded back settle against his stomach. Haruto blinked up at him, blue eyes wide with fascination, as though trying to decipher the strange man's next move.
There were no tears, no discomfort, and no foul odour indicating a diaper change—a small mercy since Sasuke hadn't yet mastered that particular skill.
And also there wasn't his mother around who would have pounced on him to take away her child from him. Sasuke mentally snickered at the horrors that that meek creature Hinata had been doing to him.
From the cluttered baby bag beside him, Sasuke pulled out an assortment of toys—new ones he had recently purchased after his sessions with Kurenai. His brain had been churning since the morning about Haruto's development.
Perhaps, he was being paranoid, about messing up with Naruto's duties. Because Haruto had enough toys, he loved his soft toys the most and almost hugged them to sleep, but Haruto needed fine motor skills and good hand-eye coordination.
He was definitely off his rocker. The idea of sitting on the floor playing baby games felt absurd, yet here he was.
Haruto hummed contentedly on his lap, his tiny fingers clenching and unclenching in the fabric of Sasuke's pants. He squealed as Sasuke scattered brightly coloured toys in front of him. A soft ball rolled, and Haruto, with the enthusiasm of someone much larger, made a sudden lunge for it, his movements erratic and yet full of purpose. Sasuke's hand instinctively wrapped around the baby's small torso, holding him steady before he toppled forward.
"Ba" "Ah" Sasuke squinted, ears perked up as he paid his attention to the noises Haruto let out, hoping to catch any meaning, unable to do so because no six-year-old made sense and a nineteen-year-old Sasuke was just out of his mind to try to make sense of his presence around a creature like a baby.
Sasuke let more toys tumble in front of him, soft blocks which could make him learn grasping, were there. Haruto's excited kick to the blocks made him giggle. His small hands reached out for a rattle, his tiny fingers wrapped around a rattle, his fist shaking it clumsily but with obvious joy. The clinking sound filled the air, accompanied by Haruto's high-pitched giggles.
He particularly showed interest in blue-coloured objects as he enthusiastically leaned over to touch the rectangular-shaped toy where pressing on colored buttons would light up the button brighter. He kept on slapping his hand over the blue button and when it lit up and played a light tune, he fisted his hand and fist-bumped the air while rocking lightly on his lap, squealing with glee. Sasuke didn't know if he had any preference towards any colour, but blue was exciting to him too.
"Babies are humans too, Sasuke…they like to be addressed." One of the statements from the earlier session with Kurenai was suddenly playing in his head, forcing him to speak to the baby, as if he had any talent of speaking to an adult. Fuck.
"Hey," he began as he lowered his head, turning his face towards the baby who was busy bumping the soft balls which Sasuke kept bringing back to his nearest spot. That baby was quick, as he tilted his head towards Sasuke and widened his blue eyes, "Do you like this?" he asked, mustering the softest tone he could come up with, the usual raspiness was evident to only his ears because Haruto pouted and blew bubbles with his saliva and didn't seem to take offence to the awkward way Sasuke greeted him.
Unbidden, his hand lifted and continued to rub his thumb over his forehead, a gesture that his mother would to do neighbourhood babies when she'd greet them. Haruto had a proper smile on his face, his whiskered cheeks were puffed up and rounding like little moons and his gums were visible by the open-mouthed grin he had.
He likes the toys…or the gesture…or me. Sasuke contemplated in his mind.
But the fragile calm was shattered when Hinata appeared, her entrance so sudden that Sasuke's body tensed as if in reflex. She hurried into the room, her hands barely steady as she placed a tray of food on the now-forgotten table, her eyes fixed on the scene before her.
"What are you doing?" Hinata's meek voice alerted him, making Sasuke and Haruto turn towards him.
Her voice was soft, almost timid, but there was an edge of anxiety in it. Sasuke's grip on Haruto tightened reflexively. His muscles coiled, protective instinct flaring up, but he quickly forced himself to relax. She's Hinata, he reminded himself. She wouldn't hurt a fly. He eased on his grip.
He shrugged, "Playing."
Hinata knelt before him, her arms reaching out, palms up, trembling slightly.
"Give him to me," she said, her voice fragile, as if she didn't have the strength to demand it outright.
He couldn't deny the mother, but a petty part of him wanted to rebuke her for acting as if he was committing a crime. But her eyes were empty, the usual ire in them was dulled, her forehead was free of any frown lines, and her lips were being bruised as she was chewing on her bottom lip.
Her breathing was heavy, cold sweat glinted on her cheeks with a sheen. Her shoulders were sagged, making her look smaller. Her face looked washed out as if it was drained by an unexpected tide. Her every blink was slow as if her eyelids were burdened by a weight. The dark shadows under her eyes were the only colour on her ashen face.
She looked exhausted. In need of a rest.
"He is fine with me, you know." Sasuke pointed to the elated baby on his lap.
Her eyes were downcast, focused on her child, her hands still a few inches away from Haruto because she was not willing to touch Sasuke even if she wanted to pick up Haruto. Petty. Sasuke cocked his eyebrow at her actions. Her fragile hands had landed various hits on him, more than many enemies of Sasuke. But her hesitation was baffling.
She mumbled, her voice holding no cutting gloom, "He needs to eat."
"Give me the plate," Sasuke responded, half-expecting her to finally snap, to retort, or at least throw him a glare that wasn't so… defeated. But she didn't. She didn't even lift her head to look at him.
Instead, Hinata turned on her knees, moving toward the low table with slow, mechanical movements. She picked up the wooden plate filled with mashed bananas swimming in milk but didn't offer it to him. Instead, she placed a rattle and soft ball on Haruto's lap, sweeping the other toys to the side as she positioned herself in front of them. Her slender fingers aimed a spoonful of the mash at Haruto's eager mouth, the baby licking the spoon before gobbling it up. With a swift, practised motion, she wiped the corner of his mouth, her thumb brushing away the remnants of the meal.
She definitely was exhausted if she had chosen to not fight with Sasuke.
"Are you…okay?" A question that needed no answer, but he still asked anyway. Not that she was going to entertain his sincerity with an answer. The room felt too still, the air thick with something unspoken. Hinata's presence, usually tense and defensive, was now hollow. He could sense the fragility in her every movement, like she was a marionette being pulled along by invisible strings, ready to collapse the moment those strings were cut.
She gulped, heaving a sigh that was more of a shudder wracking her body, "What are you doing…with all this?" Her lowered gaze drifted to the heap of toys she pushed to the side.
Sasuke probed, his dark stare roaming over her face that was hidden by her curling long hair and bangs, "Toys?"
"Haru has toys, I am not that useless!" She almost gritted her teeth, a hiss escaped her mouth.
"I didn't mean that." He pinched his temple, annoyance surging within him again just when he thought that a civil interaction could begin between them. She is worth the effort, Sasuke. Fuck Kurenai and her words, they were lies. But before he could sternly throw a jab at Hinata's comprehension skills and deep-seated insecurity, her eyes lifted and he met those pearly eyes which were so empty that even a boy marred by sins like Sasuke ended up feeling pity, remorse and guilt.
Unlike usual, her eyes held no tears. Her look didn't howl at him, didn't carry the will to burn him alive or couldn't muster enough courage to counter him and stand their ground — she felt too broken, too shattered…beyond repair. She felt like how he was in his dreams; killed by his pain but undead, alive to witness the cruelty towards his existence continuing with every breath he sucked in — and that was how she was.
In those glass eyes, tinted with lilac that often coloured the sky in late evenings, he saw his own reflection which was not a pretty sight either, for he was also mirroring his look — broken beyond repair, scarred, haunted.
He exhaled slowly, attempting to not dissolve into his thoughts, his face twisting with an unexpected pain clenching his heart. How helpless he truly was; speechless at her mere sight. Kurenai's depiction of pain was an understatement because what he was witnessing was an unsolicited suicide, happening to her at the order of her fate, against her will, disintegrating her spirit.
"Sasuke…" She choked out, her voice thick with the lump stuck in her throat making it hard for her to breathe. Each breath she took was laboured, a sigh escaping with every exhale.
"Hn," he hummed, noticing the way her fingers grazed Haruto's cheek as the baby devoured another spoonful.
Hinata settled her gaze on Sasuke again, piercing his heart again, her hurt was visible in the light flutter of her eyelashes, her pain was loud in her breathy gasps, and her helplessness was pulling at her resolve evident by the quiver in her hands, "I asked you something."
"It is nothing," he didn't want to delve into his sessions with Kurenai, "He likes blue colour, Hinata."
"Huh?" Her eyes widened, and the emptiness wavered there for a minuscule second. Oh. A faint flush of colour crept into her cheeks, barely noticeable but enough to make her seem alive again.
Sasuke leaned forward, his voice quiet but certain. "Babies from six months on start to respond to colours," he explained, his hand unconsciously massaging Haruto's small shoulder. "He seems to like the blue toys the most."
"Oh," she murmured to herself and dipped her gaze towards her son, a weak smile danced on her lips, and her eyes gleamed with a shine when Haruto responded with a babble, reaching out for her mother's long tresses.
Hinata blinked, her gaze drifting to Haruto, who babbled happily and reached for her long tresses. A soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips, weak but genuine, as Haruto's tiny hands latched onto her hair.
"Your hair is blue," Sasuke blurted out, his voice almost too soft to hear, as though the words had slipped out before he could stop them. He wasn't sure why he said it, but it seemed to hang in the air between them, uncomfortably intimate.
Hinata's gaze flickered up to meet his for a second before returning to her son, who was attempting to chew on her hair. She quickly pulled the strands from his fist, earning a frustrated babble. "No, baby," she murmured softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Her smile widened as she spoke to him, her voice tender, soothing, "You don't eat hair, Haru."
Sasuke wanted to add that the baby wouldn't understand, but perhaps that was what Kurenai meant, talk to the baby even if he understands nothing, maybe that was how he could talk to the baby too, without caring if he was understanding Sasuke or not. The thought alone made Sasuke feel liberated.
Haruto apparently had a bit of a stubborn side, because despite his mother's warm smile, soft kisses and kind words, he was fidgeting on Sasuke's lap, letting out whimpers which could definitely turn into a crying session and Hinata looked way too exhausted and beaten down, she didn't have to take care of a weeping baby.
So his two fingers began rubbing the baby's small forehead, the whimpers began dissolving into faint squeals and Hinata lifted her gaze, straightening her posture, she looked taken aback, stunned at his trick.
Sasuke began to have a civil conversation about an important developmental change, "He might start crawling soon—"
Hinata's gaze hardened at him, interrupting him, "All tables have corner guards, electrical outlets have childproof covers, the entire house gets swept to rid of any small object that can be hazardous, lower cabinets are kept locked and door stops are mounted with every door." Her breathing was even despite the flaring anger swimming in her chest evident in the way her fists clenched and jaw tightened. The revulsion was blaring in her whipping tone.
He averted the gaze, avoiding the rage and disdain in her eyes at his assumptive stance that she'd be unaware, "Good."
And there she was, the biting Hinata, the one who had possessed the courage to make Sasuke Uchiha take her chakra-laden fists to his chest and arm, the one woman who Sasuke had taken into his arms even when she aimed to stop his heart with her gentle fist, the woman who was the bane of his existence but somehow…a necessity, the woman who resented him yet Sasuke couldn't leave her alone.
Her words, seemingly simple and empty, carried an attack towards his guard, reminding him of the devastation caused by him, "Naruto and I had already made preparations. Thank you for your unsolicited concern."
Sasuke's thoughts were silent, her sharp and clipped tone added no additional wound, he simply swallowed the flickering frustration simmering within him at her disrespect towards him, he had to, for her sake. He let out a snicker which made her groan in annoyance. Her resolve kept her upright and barred him from invading her vulnerabilities. Her words always scarred him, guttural groans rumbled in his chest at the twisting pain from her daggers-like eyes.
Naruto.
However, his name surely smashed at his resolve, yanked the threads that hardly held him together and scorched his barely there sanity. Naruto, the one boy who could understand Sasuke was not amongst the living, thanks to Sasuke. A shooting pain surged at the back of his mind, the ache in his nerves settled deep and sent a shiver tremble down his skin. Each inhalation became a harsh reminder of a set of breath that he had taken away from Naruto. The memory of Naruto's final, ragged breaths pierced him, cold and unrelenting.
His hand felt a soft brushing touch, he looked down and saw Haruto gripping his finger with force in his fist.
I killed your father.
He was loud in his head, his sanity tried to wake Sasuke up from a stupor of delusions where Sasuke thought keeping Naruto's promise would ease the stabbing in his heart. Nothing would quell the burning ache travelling in his every nerve and crumbling his bones in guilt and regret. Throbbing thrashed his chest; making his breathing a harder task and sketching the world as a dizzying blur in his consciousness, but somehow a soft grasp on his finger kept him tethered to the life he unfairly possessed.
Haruto's touch on his skin cleansed his every wound. The twisting and flaring agony that often clenched at his chest, made his eyes bleed and forced him to throw his head on the wall— was all of a sudden, vanished in the softness of Haruto's touch and was unheard among the cackles of Haruto that echoed in the silent room.
His self-deprecating anguish halted when Hinata abruptly stood up, frowning and tears welled in her eyes, her hand clasped over her mouth, stifling a gagging noise and before Sasuke could react, she turned on her heels and darted out of the room, her footsteps loud and heavy against the wooden floorboards.
Fuck. Her health. What do I do, Naruto? The silent question reverberated through his mind, unanswered.
How do I convince her to take care of herself?
She is so stubborn? Is this what you felt when I was stubborn?
"Naruto," he groaned, leaning back and hitting his head on the cushion of the sofa. "Is she worth the effort?" he threw a question at the silence of the room, hoping for the spirit of Naruto to answer him.
The spirit of Naruto was speechless at his question but not the memory of Naruto, which was roaring. A moment spent after the spar in the Valley of the End replayed in his head, when they sat atop a rock, munching on the post-spar snacks that Hinata had packed for Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto stretched his arms and looked at the purple sky and then confessed to Sasuke about Hinata, "Hinata-chan is the most beautiful person in the world, Sasuke. She is so easy to love, I'd die for her in a heartbeat."
Naruto had spoken those words so easily as if it were the simplest truth in the world. And now Sasuke was left to pick up the pieces of that shattered love, forced by his own insanity to stand in the shadow of a man he had taken from her.
Sasuke picked the baby off his lap and stood up, settling the baby in his arms with caution, Haruto's hand still clutching the blue soft block while he squeaked in Sasuke's arms. He made the way to the staircase, steady steps leading up to her room made him have his thoughts all jumbled up. Each step felt heavier than the last as if the weight of his own sins dragged him down.
Do you want me to die for her too, Naruto? His mind asked his brother's ghost. Hoping and wishing for any response.
Another memory crashed into his mind, answering him instead of the ghost of his brother which he sought. "Sasuke…I hope I never lose Hinata's love as long as I live."
Sasuke could easily recall the way his best friend had a solemn expression draping every lineament of his face, the animated grin was distant and the look of longing and yearning sparked there but with a hint of fear…of losing her, perhaps?
Dobe, she still loves you even after you are gone.
A bitter taste coated his tongue even though he didn't voice out the harsh reality of her undying love and her lover's absence…and the presence of her lover's killer in her house, standing across her door, pushing the door to open…entering into her sanctuary where he knew he wasn't willingly invited and he would never be, even if the hell froze over.
.
.
.
Sasuke gently placed Haruto in the crib, taking away the soft block from his grasp and handing him his small toad plushie, with which he resumed his game of throwing to his side and then picking it up. Peering down at him being engaged in his musings and cooing, Sasuke was unaware when the bathroom door slid open and Hinata emerged out. He was immersed in the reality which that baby highlighted, a curious tug bloomed in his chest.
Her voice jolted him, pulling him out of his trance. "Sasuke, leave!" A curt order was thrown at him.
She was tapping her face with a towel and seemed out of breath, her bangs were damp and sticking on her forehead. She then put the towel on the chair tucked under the dressing table. Sasuke knew that she needed to listen to sense, again and again, until she could grasp it. He examined her shuddering frame, which looked like it was captured by cold icy shards as she was eyeing him with a dreadful stare. Scared.
He sighed, walking towards her, she lifted a hand at him, palm facing him, "Stay away," she managed to croak out.
Sasuke shook his head, "No, you will listen to me."
She stepped back, her feet finally unfrozen. He stepped forward, her panicked gasps were a breathy noise in the silent room illuminated by the twilight sky's shades filtering through the windows. Her pale face, devoid of any colour suddenly heated up with crimson fear creeping up her skin, she bit her lip and her eyes fluttered with daze. "Sasuke…"
He didn't bow down to her for once, he wanted her to wrap her mind around the concept of 'Self-preservation' which she severely lacked. Sasuke, a solitary figure in the vastness of her room, paced towards her, his footsteps echoing with a deliberate rhythm. Her feeble body, stumbled backwards, her eyes wide with a fear that sent a pang at his heart.
His looming figure was a few steps closer to her, while she had her back pressed to the the white wall behind her.
She gulped, holding herself together with a flickering flame burning bright within her, almost on the verge of being extinguished. Sasuke was a man who could break her, tarnish her, put off the weary flame of strength and then render her in pure anguish— as a payback and cruel indulgence for every inch of damage that woman did to Sasuke.
But it was Sasuke's fate to serve her, instead of sever her soul. It was his fated promise to guard her, rather than to scar her.
With a heavy step, he closed the distance between them. His arms, corded with muscle, braced against the wall on either side of her head, trapping her in a silent embrace.
Her scent, a faint whiff of lavender, enveloped him with soothing warmth while her sniffles echoed in his ears. Her breath, ragged and uneven, brushed against his lips, a reminder of her fragility. Her trembling hands, desperate to push him away, pressed against his chest, a futile gesture against his unwavering resolve.
"I don't know how to do this, Hinata," he confessed. She looked up, finally meeting his stare, the red-rimmed eyes of hers stung with burning tears. "I am sure your friends would be kinder about this," he lowered his head, his forehead almost touching hers, and her breath hitched in response, "But I am not your friend."
"Leave me alone!" She shrieked, her palms curling to clutch his shirt, an attempt of sad force was there, but it didn't make him budge.
Sasuke had his darkened gaze fixated on her, her body was writhing under his towering presence, "Do you think you are the only one who had the misfortune of feeling worthless?" he continued his questioning, "Do you think you are the only one who had the unfortunate encounter with fate? Do you think that only you lost people?"
She snapped at him, "Shut up!" A tear fell down her eye, sliding down her cheek, and staining her skin with warm pain.
Sasuke mumbled, "I understand your pain all too well, Hinata." He surely did. Their torment wasn't the same, but it was similar. The question of his worth against Itachi, the loneliness of surviving without his blood, the suffering of being weak against his vengeance, the agony of putting his two brothers into their graves — he fathomed her afflictions, he could see her bruises, he could feel her thirst for absolute silence.
"No!" She slammed her hand against his chest, her nails digging into his shirt, a desperate attempt to inflict pain on him; thankfully, without Chakra lacing her skin.
"I do. And that is why…I am qualified to tell you to seek help," he ground his words with gritted teeth, grunting at her stubbornness which sent a sizzling frustration to his nerves throbbing in his head, "You need help. You need to help yourself. You need to straighten yourself."
"What do you know—"
"I know more than you!" he seethed, "You know you need help. You know you are crashing. You feed yourself constantly to keep yourself active for your son, only to vomit all of it out the next moment. You know you need assistance."
She winced and rebuked, "I am fine!"
He pressed his forehead on hers, she sobbed, her body quivered, but he continued his onslaught, "Sakura, Tsunade, Shizune or I…none of us can help you until you decide to take a step." His words, a blunt instrument wielded with merciless precision, cut through the fog of her despair.
She choked on her sob with a startled gasp, "I—"
"You owe this to your son, Hinata." He wasn't kind, he had already warned, so he could hit her nerves if it meant bringing her back to her senses and if it meant that she wouldn't be a hollow shell of a woman she clearly wasn't meant to be. "Think about this, think about seeking medical help. I will protect your son, leave that to me! You do what you are meant to do! No son wants his mother to kill herself day by day, is that the image you want to show him when he is growing up—that his mother was not brave enough to seek help in fear of being considered weak!"
But now, he was pushing her to the brink, a desperate gamble to jolt her out of her self-imposed prison.
"S-stop, Sasuke…" she blurted out in a soft whimper.
He stepped back, reluctantly pulling away from the haunting sensation of her cold, sweat-slicked skin against his forehead. The closeness that had consumed his senses was now a ghostly absence, and each measured step felt like a severing thread between them.
Hinata's weary frame was still pressed on the wall, her shoulders slumped and her posture slouched, her hiccups were gut-wrenching but she needed to hear. She needed to know that her doom would be her own doing if she couldn't condemn her helplessness and claw her way out of it.
His gaze remained anchored to her trembling form, even as her eyes were squeezed shut, tears streaking down her flushed cheeks. Anger and desolation simmered beneath her skin—her clenched fists glowing faintly with flickers of purple-blue chakra, knuckles pale from the strain.
"Everybody needs help, even I do," he muttered, his voice low.
Her tear-soaked eyes snapped open, her lilac-tinted eyes locked with his scarlet eye — unaware of when his Sharingan spun into focus, he stared at her trembling lips letting out a stammer, "T-then g-go…g-get it."
His jaw tightened, her words hitting a nerve that left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Unlike you, I don't have many people around me…willing to help me," he blurted out, a cold feral rage coursed through his veins at the blatant show of his weakness to her, but that was what Naruto had done to him while he was helping him; his best friend never shied away from showing his weaknesses so Sasuke could come to terms with his and give in to Naruto's concerns.
Her moon eyes widened, her mouth agape, tears soaking onto her glistening skin and the frown on her forehead dissolved. She just gaped at him, quivering lips sealing the words that were fighting to come out, but she caged them inside her.
"Sakura invited us for some drinks, your teammates will be there too…you want to come?" he had to cut the lingering tense air, so he shifted the topic. "Haruto can accompany us or your sensei can look after him for some time?" he knew her answer, but he wanted to give her a choice, an outlet where she could rely for help.
Sasuke could read that she wasn't ready to step up for herself yet. Her behaviour mirrored his own too closely for him not to recognize the signs. She was locked in her spiral, he anticipated that it would take her more time, perhaps more fights, even more attacks— to finally give in to self-preservation.
The irony wasn't lost on him. Sasuke, trying to help Hinata escape the same darkness that had swallowed him time and again. His own salvation had been lost, the one friend who could have pulled him from the abyss was now buried in it, a fate he'd inflicted with his own cursed hands. And now, Sasuke stood alone, stripped bare, with nothing but emptiness stretching before him.
The absence of everything or the presence of nothing — he could never decide which one was worse. Every shred of his life had been torn away, leaving him bleeding from wounds that never healed. His cursed blood spilled endlessly, staining everything, so much so that even his tears, if he had any left to shed, would flow crimson.
Receiving nothing but silence from Hinata, he exited her sanctuary after a final glance at her crumbling form. He was running down the stairs to meet people at some eatery—an incessant request from Naruto for years.
But he was only fulfilling it in his absence. Utterly helpless.
.
.
.
After Sasuke had mercilessly shown the mirror to Hinata, she had been crouched on the floor after his exit, contemplating his words, about the irony of having a person like Sasuke talking about self-preservation. She was a mess on the floor, while her son slept safe and sound in the crib.
"You owe this to your son, Hinata."
His words were a whip, striking her at every inch of her soul. Her tears fell without pause, cascading down her pale face, her heart pulsing with painful tremors, her breath uneven, rasping in the stillness. She was a crumpled heap, trembling with fear—not just of Sasuke, but of his words. His harsh truth.
She wasn't blind even if her Byakugan regressed, she knew that her body was failing without treatment as anticipated by the Konoha medics. She knew her mind was fogged by her trepidations to an extent where her senses would dull and she'd be alive corpse on her bed, unable to hear or speak or smell or walk.
She had spent such nights, engulfed in her grief and helplessness, with silence draping over her being, quelling the life around her, at times even her son.
She was terrified of such a possibility.
She was horrified of having it worsened.
She feared losing herself entirely, feared what lay beyond the safety of her walls, where she couldn't hide from her own inadequacies.
Her innate struggle with her strength and sense of worth had kept her caged, had kept her alone in her misery, and had pulled her away from seeking anyone's embrace even if many offered. Her memory replayed the times when after Naruto's demise, her friends ensured to be by her side, their eyes carrying no pity but love.
Yet, the lingering worry of being a worthless burden crushed her. Her friends were active shinobi, even Ino had given birth and went back to her clan's duties — but Hinata was a mere shadow of the girl she used to be. She couldn't seek their outstretched hands because the gnawing horror of losing herself in front of them frightened her to her core.
The thought of her father's opinions about her coming true and being exposed to the world petrified her. Her father always saw her as expendable, but her people never did. However, with the way she had become, her father's words sounded like a reality, unblemished by any doubt. His disappointment had always cut deep, but now his words felt like truth as if they were carved into her bones.
Hinata, you have proven to be nothing but worthless to Hyuuga's name.
Hinata, your strengths are nothing but ordinary.
You were supposed to lead the clan, but you show no prowess.
You are a disappointment.
Hanabi has shown the potential that I had expected from you, Hinata. You failed.
You are a failure of Hyuuga.
It felt like her people were living a different life, while she was existing in an appalling loop of misery. The life her friends were praying for Hinata, didn't have a place for her. She couldn't fit there anymore. She couldn't build a place there anymore. She was a ruined graveyard, bellowing with deathly whimpers, her last breath was around the corner. She was everything that her father had called her.
But somehow she was alive.
Perhaps it was because of Haru, the one bright spot in her darkened existence. Her son's innocent eyes still looked at her with love, even when she felt like nothing more than a fragile, hollow and broken being. If not for him, she would have followed Naruto to the afterlife long ago after facing the loss of not just Naruto, but Hinata's own identity.
But Haru was a thread that tethered her to a phenomenon called life, and despite her inner demons clawing at her insides to tell her to give up, she always returned from the edge of the cliff…for her son. But every time she tried to rise, to fight for herself, her mind shut down.
The weight of inadequacy crushed her, paralyzing her with every step she took toward healing. The coiling despair within her whispered that she was not enough, that she never would be. No matter how much she yelled at the coiling demon sucking the will out of her every day, every minute, every second; she couldn't seem to fight off that entity resounding within her with its cutting words.
Sasuke was surprisingly right; Hinata did owe Haru more than she offered.
Suddenly, the sharp sound of the doorbell cut through her thoughts.
Her eyes widened in alarm, wondering if Sasuke had returned.
She quickly wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, though her throat remained dry and her head pounded with worry. Her body protested as she pushed herself off the floor, her legs wobbling beneath her, causing her to wince in pain. Steadying herself against the wall, she cast a glance at Haru, still sleeping peacefully, before making her way toward the door.
Sasuke tended to knock incessantly with his frustration and patience thinning with each rap. But whoever was behind the door, just knocked once…as if they saw her coming, without doubt.
Her cold hand turned the knob, pulling the door open. Instead of meeting the dark eyes of a Uchiha, she met the pure white ones…of her grandmother.
The sight of her froze Hinata in place, her breath hitching as her heart plummeted. Her mouth agape at her surprising arrival. Hinata's legs felt as if they were about to give out, her heart sank, causing her to let out ragged breaths.
Her grandmother was the most influential figure in the Hyuuga Council. And the worst fear of Hinata's existence ever since she had spat her threats at her and her son during Naruto's funeral.
Her weathered face, lined with deep wrinkles, carried the same harsh judgment that had always loomed over Hinata's life. Her pure white eyes glared at her with cold disdain, as though she were gazing upon something unworthy.
"I will not take much of your time," her grandmother spoke, her voice sharp, unyielding. "I've come to confirm the rumours. A Uchiha living here?" She wrinkled her nose in disgust, her words dripping with venom. "I've seen enough of him with you."
Hinata figured that her grandmother had breached a sacred rule of not peering inside the walls of people's houses. But here she was, casting her judgment without restraint.
"You have greatly disappointed her with your indecency with the fourth's son, and now you have resorted to tarnishing our name even further down the mud by living with another man, and that too…Sasuke Uchiha." She shook her head with a grunt, "Your father is satisfied by denouncing you only from the clan and the name of Hyuuga, but I will make sure that our Byakugan remains protected."
Hinata's throat tightened as her grandmother's words cut through her like a blade. Her fingers gripped the doorframe harder, her knuckles white. She wanted to speak, to defend herself, but no words came. She was paralyzed, trapped under the weight of the accusations.
Hinata felt the ground give in beneath her, "What—"
"Lord Sixth can defend against the seal as much as he wants, but our clan matters remain within our control." Her grandmother's voice was steady, and cold, each word laced with venom. She raised her chin slightly, a small, mocking smile curving her lips. "I'm here to offer you a choice." Her pale eyes gleamed with cruel satisfaction. "Either come to us willingly and have your Byakugan sealed—as well as your son's, for proactive measures, I must add—and we will leave you and your illegitimate child alone."
A wave of rage surged through Hinata. She could endure any insult thrown at her, but this—this attack on her son—was unbearable. Her voice quivered with restrained fury. "He is Naruto's son—"
Her grandmother cut her off with a sharp, raised voice, icy and authoritative. "Any child born out of wedlock is a disgrace to the Hyuuga. Your father may not grasp the full extent of the shame your involvement with Naruto Uzumaki has brought upon our clan, but I, as the protector of our bloodline, will not overlook it."
The Hyuuga had abandoned her, cast her out, severed all ties, and now they had the audacity to demand something of her? The thought sent her mind spiraling, her throat constricting as she fought the urge to scream. "I am not a Hyuuga anymore," she spat, her voice shaky but resolute. "You c-can't—"
A sneering chuckle rang in her ears, she stared at the confidence mapping each weary line of her grandmother's face, "We can and we will, Hinata."
She protested, "Hokage—"
Her grandmother waved a dismissive hand as if the very idea of interference from the Hokage was laughable. "Hokage-sama will remain in his place once we present our case, protecting the Byakugan at all costs, even if yours has become a pitiful display." She waved her hand again as if brushing away a bothersome fly. "And as for the Uchiha, I highly doubt he would interfere. But if he does, we will simply brand him what he has always been: a traitor to Konoha."
Hinata's head was spinning, her grandmother was trying to get to her the second time, to give in to their cruel demands. Hinata had no idea how to tackle all of that crumbling upon her, her mind was a muddled mess. She gulped down the sandy texture that developed in her mouth. Her grandmother's words came at her like a barrage of poisoned darts, piercing through her already fragile composure.
In one frantic motion, Hinata slammed the door shut, locking it as her trembling hands fumbled with the latch. Without a second thought, she bolted up the stairs, her body moving faster than she ever thought possible, driven by sheer panic. She raced upstairs towards her room, her bare feet making soft thuds on the wooden floor. She burst into the room, her chest heaving as she looked toward the crib, her heart nearly leaping out of her chest with relief.
Haru was sleeping, clutching his toy to his chest, his lips slightly parted while he softly snored. The moonlight spilled through the window, casting a silvery glow over his peaceful face, making the shadows in the room seem even darker.
She sank to the floor beside the crib, muffling her sobs with her fist to her mouth. Her chest tightened at the realization of the concealed threats of her council towards Hinata and her son. Her fragile son, who had to tolerate the cruel pain of a seal for a Nine-tailed beast already…didn't deserve to be terrorized by another cruelty from Hyuuga. Her head fell on the floor with a thump, her body wracked with shaking mourns sounding like whimpers. Her eyes were burned with the tears pooling in them.
All the blood drained from her body, and her fears began to shackle her again, but now they weren't about her insecurities about her failing self, it was about Haru's life and his safety. The weight of her body was unbearable for her, her knees crippling and unable to muster any courage to pick up her fallen self. She exhaled accelerated breaths. Her mind raced, but it offered no solutions, no way out. All she could do was cry, her body trembling with every jagged breath she took.
Terror coiling around her every thought, her every emotion and her every breath — throwing her in the clutches of helplessness. The room seemed to close in around her, the walls thick with darkness and despair. Her fingers curled into the wooden floor, her nails digging into the cracks as if trying to anchor herself in the moment, trying to hold onto something solid while her world fell apart.
Haru…she needed to keep him safe, no matter what.
"I will protect your son, leave that to me!"
The thought clung to her mind as she lay splayed on the cold floor, her vision spinning, the room blurring into darkness.
Will he keep his promise? She wondered in her dazed state.
A/N: Reviews and Favs will make me so happy!
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