A/N: Slightly Alternate History - Based on S6xE5 – Now and S6xE9 No Way Out

Part I of II

Rated PG

Maggie's question echoed in my head from the moment she asked me yesterday, clear up until now.

"Would you rather tell Rick you love him and risk losing the friendship or keep the silence and suffer a lifetime of lies?"

Her question raised so many questions, it left me wishing for a third option, a door numbered three.

I didn't answer her, I blew her off, changed the subject, and quickly changed the subject.

It's a full day later and I'm still thinking about it.

"Hey Chonne," Carl leisurely strolled in, with Judith in his arms.

I gave him an automatic smile, when I say automatically it means forced. My door was closed and he never knocks.

"I'm headed out for a while..." He said, approaching me, so I stood to meet him halfway.

"Be home before dark," I told him.

"K..." he replied.

Teenagers... I grabbed ahold of my Lil Nugget with one hand, ruffled his hair with the other, and then plopped back down on the bed. My sudden movements caused Judith to let out an excited little coo as she wiggled out of my relaxed embrace and began crawling around on my bed. It wasn't long before I fell back into my thoughts.

Have I been living a lie?

Maggie sure seems to think so.

Soon after arriving in Alexandria, I felt a mild sense of comfort. Alexandria is an upscale planned community, a safe-zone established by the military in the early days of the outbreak, containing a handful of supplies for a large group of people. Ohio Congresswoman Deanna Monroe and her family were attempting to evacuate D.C. and return to Ohio to help handle the crisis in her state. While doing so, they were directed by the military to the neighborhood, among other survivors from D.C., and ordered to wait for their return, which never occurred.

The evacuees used the supplies for their survival, including construction materials from a shopping mall nearby, which were used to build this incredible wall. New survivors joined the community shortly thereafter. Deanna soon became their leader.

She saw promise and the rebirth of civilization in Alexandria. She believes in who people were before the apocalypse mattered. They will be the ones rebuilding and sustaining the community. Reg Monroe, her husband, is a professor of architecture and is the genius behind the wall.

Aaron, the man I've thanked on several occasions for bringing us here was appointed by Deanna as a recruiter. He welcomed us into the community on the condition we surrender our weapons. We reluctantly relented, and in return, were given two houses.

That same day we're all interviewed one by one, a few days and dinner parties later, all of us were appointed our roles. Rick and I were given the job of constable. Soon after, I conducted my own observations. I came to realize that some of the residents were dangerously ignorant of the new world and how to survive in it. This could cause them to act recklessly and put the lives of our group in danger.

I couldn't allow that. So I immediately voiced my concerns to Deanna and she promptly held a meeting for the residents of Alexandria. Since then, we've implemented a survival training program, which included weapons training, hunting, and basic combat training, lead by none other than myself and the rest of our group.

On the days I wasn't working as constable or training, I'd get up in the early morning hours to begin the delightful task of tilling the soil, fertilizing the ground, and planting seeds for a vegetable garden.

A few days after that Maggie joined me. That's when she first brought it up. At the time, I honestly thought she was joking.

"You know my dad once said, behind every successful man is his woman."

"I can agree with that."

"I wasn't finished..."

So stood, rake in hand glaring at her unblinking, "I'm listening..."

"Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman." She said, with that all-knowing smile, it's identical to Hershel, I chuckled and continued to rake.

"So I'm just going to put it out there and say it..."

I didn't bother looking up this time, but I was certainly paying attention.

"You need to tell Rick how you feel before it's too late."

Now I was glaring at her again.

"It's not like that with Rick and me."

"Are you sure..."

There she goes with that wise ole smile on her face. Who would have thought that those three words would cause me to actually think about the possibilities?

She obviously saw something developing between Rick and it's apparent that our relationship is complicated, difficult, pious, and loving all at the same time.

"Helloooo Michoooonne..."

She sang, obviously amused; I was staring off into space and I dropped my rake.

"Yes...Rick and I are friends, I respect him and he respects me."

That wasn't entirely true, of course, I respect Rick, what he's trying to do and how he's trying to keep his children and other people safe. Meeting someone like Rick and deciding this is who I'm going to align myself with was something I thought would never happen.

But the moment I got to the prison gates with that baby powder and formula, the moment our eyes met. At that very moment, it all just made sense to me. At that point, I decided to open up and better myself as a result of his persuasive insistence. After the fall out at the prison I was on the verge of reverting, but the thought of what Rick was doing kept me, held me, drew me to him. I was no longer in a world where careless men like Mike, psychotic men like The Governor, and reckless men like Merle ruled.

It was mid-day and the heat of the sun's rays made it uncomfortably hot, so we decided that two dozen rows of corn, cabbage, and garlic is a fine start. So we put our tools away and went home. Even the shower couldn't wash away the thoughts. My mind continued to evaluate the possibilities.

Which brings me to the here and now.

I can't deny, Rick wakes the pure side of me, the best side. Our energy vibrates in such a unique way, each the perfect complement of the other. Rick is what makes my heart strong. His smile alone burnishes my soul into a beauty it could never have achieved on its own. Before we met I was one, now I am half, yet somehow so much more than I ever was before.

But would if Maggie's all wrong and she's basing this on the times we've caught him looking at my ass.

That's it...She's wrong! He may have a little crush at best, nothing more.

Why am I even listening to her?

This is the same person who said...

"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

Speaking of sandwiches...

"Are ya hungry Judith?"

I scooped her up and we're off to the kitchen.

Mac & cheese and apple sauce were our dinners. There was enough left over for Rick and Carl when they get home.

And like a good young man, Carl was home before dark as I asked.

"I gotta surprise for you." He was smiling big as he pulled a fluffy, purple, toy pony from his jacket pocket.

Delighted was not a strong enough word to describe how I felt when Judith's big blue eyes lit up. She squealed and grabbed the doll.

Although the day was hot, the night had become cool and crisp; the breeze coming from the window confirmed that much.

"I'm going for a walk, be back in a bit," I said and then left.

Not many people were out tonight, unlike the first week we arrived. Carol was sitting on the porch next door, I gave her a nod as I passed her. A block away, Father Gabriel sped by me. His demeanor and expression concerned me, he looked nervous, anxious. I had the notion to stop him, but something caught my eye. It was Rick and he was going into Dr. Anderson's garage.

I expected to see Pete standing in the garage, but it was Jessica. Rick walked through her garage door, informed her that he knows her family's secret, asking her to let him help her. I'm taken aback by the way Rick just walked into another man's home like he owns the place.

Neither of them had noticed my approach.

She tells him that she is a grown, married woman who can take care of herself. She then gives him permission to help her. My brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that I was shocked, it was as if the impact had knocked every wisp of air from my lungs, and I lay there struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything. That's how I feel now, trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak, totally stunned standing behind a bush in Anderson's yard. Rick neared her, he leaned in and kissed her and my blood runs cold, my mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process the images being sent by my eyes. I looked away, then looked back to see if it was still there.

It was.

I'm not sure how long I stood there like that, but eventually, I went home.