Another shuttle passed through the magnetic shield, momentarily obscuring the view Fives had been staring at for a while now. As soon as the ship landed in the hangar bay alongside its precursors, the galaxy once again extended an invitation to be admired. Gazing out into the endless expanse of space, Fives tried to detach himself from the rapid beating of his heart and the nagging sensation of fear creeping up his spine. The space seemed to exude peace and he wished to absorb as much of it as possible. He knew that once they landed on the planet which lurked on the horizon, the prolonged silence would herald nothing but danger.
It was his first mission since Mantessa and he couldn't shake the nerves coursing through his body. Despite his efforts to trust himself – having no reason not to – he still couldn't get rid of the voice at the back of his mind prophesying his failure. It's been weeks since his last breakdown. He had been eating and sleeping well, his mind was sharp and his body fit. The assignment seemed straightforward and he had his brothers watching his back. And if that wasn't enough of a reassurance, the 212th would be there to provide support too.
Still, Fives was nervous.
He started another round of setting strict expectations for himself. Memories of dead brothers came back, reminding him what the consequences would be had he failed. Then someone's hand slid into his, breaking his chain of thought.
"What are we lookin' at?" Ahsoka asked with a smile, following his gaze to the space. Her fingers interlaced with his as if it was the most natural thing to do.
"The soulless void," he said, remaining impassive on the outside while relishing the real calmness that only her presence could give.
"Fascinating," she said, nodding slowly. "Kix's in medbay, though."
Fives snorted, unable to help the smile. "You're unbelievable."
"Ah, thank you. I believe we have that in common."
"What else do you think we have in common?" He asked teasingly. "Besides flawless looks, of course."
"Of course," she laughed. Ahsoka stayed silent for a while, her thumb gently tracing back and forth over his palm. "I believe we are much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. And each setback only makes us stronger."
Fives always marvelled at Ahsoka's unwavering faith. She placed her trust in others without hesitation, never seeming to regret or withdraw it. At times, it appeared almost naive to him. Now, however, these two sentences reframed the entire objective of the mission in Fives' mind. This wasn't just about meeting some expectations anymore; it was about proving Ahsoka right.
Soldiers started hastily filling the gunships and Fives knew it was time for them too.
"Ready?" Ahsoka asked, squeezing his palm slightly firmer.
"I'm ready now."
The gunships quickly traversed the planet's atmosphere and now prepared for a touchdown. Fives tried to catch a glimpse of the landscape while they were still high in the air. Through the narrow window, he watched burned lowlands, obscured by a thick fog creeping in from the north. The ships soon entered a forest, seeking cover, but even though the trees were tall as Coruscant skyscrapers, they looked withered; not one leaf remained on the dry branches. The entire planet looked as if it was already dead. It was the exact place Fives would expect to find Sith.
They had received intel that a Separatist shuttle had appeared in the area. The Jedi Council believed it belonged to Maul, so not longer than two hours later, both Skywalker and Kenobi were already on the surface. In the distance, a carcass of a stone temple flashed just as a noise of snapping branches reached Fives' ears. The gunship shuddered before finally touching down. The 212th troopers were already on the surface, scattered on the glade and waiting for the Torrent.
As the hatch opened, a chill wind seeped through the cracks of Fives' armour, while the strong scent of sulphur irritated his throat.
"Anakin," Fives heard Obi-wan's calm greeting. "Late as always."
"Can't surprise you too much," Skywalker said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm not sure your heart would survive such a shock, old man." He grimaced as Ahsoka punched his arm on Kenobi's behalf.
"Good to see you, Master Kenobi."
Fives would've continued watching this heartfelt reunion, particularly the smile that stretched on Ahsoka's lips, if not for the incoming footsteps. Quiet rustling was his only warning before a swish of fist flashed through the air. He turned around just in time to stop the hand from making contact with his head.
"You're getting predictable." Fives said, eyeing the white-yellow armour. "But that doesn't mean I'm not glad to see you."
"Appreciate it." Mick took off his helmet and grinned widely. "It's just a routine check-up to make sure your reflexes haven't gone rusty."
"Didn't know you've become a medic. Want my records, too?"
"No need, I already know you're barmy." They both laughed and finally clasped their hands, exchanging a hug.
Fives glanced at the piercing on Mick's eyebrow, one he had no recollection of, and began to ponder just how much time had passed since they last saw each other. Their acquaintance dated back to Fives' early military days, a time when Mick's chin bore no scar. Although they had been through several battles together, lately they had more opportunity to catch up in the 79's over a glass of Revnog, trading as many battle stories as they did gossip.
"Hope you're ready for some real competition on the battlefield?" Mick accosted.
"Sure, the only thing I can't seem to compete with you is drinking."
"I'm eager to check if that still holds true."
The company's departure broke their reunion short, preventing further reminiscing. With a nod of acknowledgement, they returned to their divisions and followed generals through the arid forest.
Fives' every step elicited the rustle of crunching leaves and the crackle of breaking branches. Still, he had felt considerably safer than when they entered the vast glade with nowhere to hide. Not that it mattered. Maul must have sensed their arrival a long time ago and now they trod straight to his doorstep with the temple's shadow cast upon them.
"Move in, keep it tight and stay focused." Sounded Rex's voice in the commlink channel but with the whistling wind it was barely audible. Strong blasts were blowing into their faces as if they needed any more reminders that they shouldn't be here.
They didn't have any layouts of the temple - not even a mention in the Jedi's grand archives - so they searched the temple blindly. Literally, as there was little to no light inside. Clones switched on their torches and followed the generals, beaconed by the lightsabers' glow. Fog, so heavy that Fives couldn't see the ground, was swarming around his ankles. Every few steps he was falling into puddles; he could hear the plop but never saw the water - he hoped it was just the water.
They walked cautiously, turn by turn, and Fives' heart didn't falter its fast rhythm even by a bit. Fuelled by adrenaline, he tore forward, pushing the nagging thoughts to the back of his mind. He maintained this attitude for Maker knows how long - it was enough for his eyesight to get accustomed to the darkness and his sense of direction to give up. But it was all for nothing. The temple was empty.
There was no sign of Maul, or anyone, really, stepping here in the past few decades. The company circled back to the spacious hall – at least compared to the tunnels they wandered in for the past hours – waiting for orders.
"No need to be a Jedi to know we were stood up," Boyd grumbled.
"I don't doubt you have experience in that," Jesse said, extracting snickers from those who were close enough to hear.
So this was it? Fives thought. The mission he had prepared for, the chance to redeem himself after weeks of anticipation, had culminated in nothing more than aimless wandering through the desolate halls. He wasn't sure if what he felt was closer to relief or disappointment.
"...but no harm in looking around." Fives shook from his reverie to catch Skywalker talking. General moved towards a passage blocked by a rock with bizarre runes engraved on the stone. "This looks fun."
"It's ancient." Kenobi supplied, grazing over his beard as he studied the signs. "I believe it translates to 'Leave the hopes behind and bring your menace.'"
"Great, I got one," Anakin said. "Snips, come here."
Ahsoka snorted, but in a second she joined Skywalker's side and they already moved the rock with the Force.
"Anakin," Obi-wan chastened. "We should inform the Council first."
"Sure. You do that. Ahsoka and I will check this thing around."
Kenobi shook his head but didn't try to oppose - he knew better than that. Skywalker already moved inside the tunnel, but before following his lead, Ahsoka turned over her shoulder. She caught Fives' eyes and sent him a smile and a small salute. He returned the gesture, gazing into the tunnel until her silhouette disappeared into the darkness.
"Of course, Jedi go off to look for some Sith lord and we're left with this bantha crap," Creed muttered.
"I'm fine with that. Don't wanna be near when some magic osik is involved." Chester countered. "And it's an ancient kriffing tumb for kark sake."
Fives followed the two 212th members, with the third one close behind. After the brief encounter with Torus, Fives was relieved not to have to look at the man. Fives didn't mind being assigned to a new squad. As an ARC trooper, he had plenty of experience working with different soldiers, and this mission would be relatively short, involving a scan of the tunnels and collecting samples for the lab. But for some reason, Torus irked him, and Fives couldn't wait to part ways forever. Hopefully, a few more turns, and they'd be packing their stuff back to the cruiser. He could only hope that Ahsoka had more fun than him right now.
Fives could tell they made their way deep underground as the air became cooler, and a puff of mist swirled in front of him with each exhale. The sound of water droplets dripping from the ceiling echoed in the vast maze. His torch illuminated the road only as far as Chester's back, so he was surprised when the man stopped abruptly. Fives took a closer look at the road and scowled at the stone wall. A dead end.
"Well, at least now we can fairly call it a day and go back," Creed said. "I'm sick of this place."
"Move, I'll take the sample," Torus said. He crouched before the wall and started taking the water that had pooled at the foot of the passage.
Fives used the moment to input information about the blocked passage into his datapad but stopped short as a distant, eerie noise reached his ears. He glanced back down the tunnel they had come from, searching for anything peculiar but it was as dark and vague as it used to be. Then the sound repeated, this time as a low rumble.
"Did you hear that?" Fives turned to his companions.
"Yeah, terrible sound so spare me and just shut up," Torus barked without turning away from his samples.
Fives rolled his eyes. If the opportunity arose to leave Torus in one of the side corridors, Fives would have to wage a difficult battle with his conscience not to take it.
The rumbling intensified, echoing off the stone walls of the hall. Fives cautiously took a few steps forward, leaving his companions behind. For a moment he thought his legs were shaking, but it was the whole tunnel that trembled. Looking down, he saw pebbles bouncing off the ground as the noise reverberated through the walls.
"Guys," Fives called out, as he listened to the sound, similar to dozens of footsteps and it was coming closer. He took a step back. "Guys!"
"Kriff," Chester cursed. "Am I low on oxygen or is the ground moving?"
"I think-"
Fives didn't get to know what Creed thought as a shrill squeal tore the air just before a dark creature broke into the tunnel.
A volley of blaster bolts shot into the scaled body that filled all width and height of the corridor. A pair of pincers was followed by dozens of swiftly moving legs. Despite the barrage of bolts, the slimy scales remained unmarked.
"Fives, how's it going?" Sounded Ahsoka's voice from his comm. "Are you nearly done yet?"
"I'm a bit busy at the moment." Fives grunted, ducking to avoid the razor-sharp claws that scraped against the wall above him.
"Fives, what's goin' on there? What's your position?"
"We're—" Fives was cut off by a gut-wrenching scream from Creed. A massive claw pierced through the man's body, pinning him to the ground.
"Fives?!" Ahsoka's panicked shout echoed in his ears as he felt his own back pressed against the wall. The scaled tail of the creature wrapped around his wrist in a bone-crunching grip, crushing his communicator into pieces. Fives clenched his teeth in pain, his bones felt like cracking under the pressure. With a desperate reach, he drew his knife from his belt and sunk it between the plates of the creature's scales. He got released just in time to see Creed's body slump to the floor, leaving bloody streaks on the stone wall.
Fives couldn't catch his breath. The creature's attention was fixated on Chester and Torus, who were just as helpless. Blaster bolts seemed to melt upon contact with the scales. Fives' hands trembled as he frantically debated what to do. There was no way they could fight the beast, not with the next man falling to the ground. He scanned the surroundings, quickly examining the pillars supporting the ceiling and weighing his options. It was risky, but there was no time for qualms. There was just the right thing to do.
"Come on!" He shouted, rising to his feet and aiming to attract the monster's attention solely to himself. "Over here!" He was more convincing than he'd presumed 'cause in a second the monster pierced its beady eyes at him and its numerous legs carried the heavy body towards Fives, away from the rest of the soldiers.
The ground shook as the monster lunged forward. Fives waited for the creature to get closer, then ran straight into it. He leapt past the monster, narrowly avoiding the claws that grazed his leg. As he landed behind the creature, Fives threw explosives onto the pillar, targeting a vulnerable spot. He detonated the bombs just as he scrambled to his feet, sprinting away from both the monster and the cascade of rocks that started to collapse behind him.
A horrible shriek pierced the air, mixing with the uproar of falling debris that formed a barrier between them and the monster. Fives backed away to the dead-end, curling in on himself and instinctively shielding his head from the rocks. He felt the sharp impact of stones hitting his back and shoulders as a hail of debris rained down on him.
It felt like an eternity before the avalanche finally stopped, leaving thick dust hovering in the air. Fives breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of coughs surrounding him, indicating that the men were still alive. As the dust settled, it revealed his brothers lying on the ground in various states of shock and pain. Moving quickly, Fives made his way towards Creed, whose body lay slumped in the growing pool of blood. Chester was already by his side, pressing on the wound.
"How is he?" Fives asked urgently.
"It doesn't look good," Chester replied grimly. "The wound is deep."
Creed's face paled even further at this non-optimistic diagnosis, his breath coming in shallow gasps. Chester prepared a makeshift bandage but it was quickly soaking through with blood.
"Congratulations," Torus interjected sarcastically. "You just killed us."
"And yet you're still talking." Fives retorted wryly, his tone laced with frustration and exhaustion.
"Torus shut it," Chester said. "If not Fives, we'd already be dead."
"What's the difference if we're gonna die here anyway, only slowly." Torus shifted his gaze at Creed. "Some of us maybe faster."
Creed either didn't hear him or didn't understand the allusion in his barely conscious state because he didn't comment.
"Does anyone's commlink work?" Fives asked after examining his crushed device.
Chester shook his head. "The collapse must've severed the signal."
"It also cut oxygen flow," Torus spat, gesturing to the small space they were trapped in.
"Is there a way to unsubscribe from your daily dose of complaints?" Fives asked, not holding back his irritation.
"Believe me, I've tried," Chester muttered.
"But they…must be looking for us, right?" came Creed's weak but hopeful voice.
"Nobody will help us; they must think we're dead," Torus said, sitting on the ground defeated.
Everyone fell silent for a moment, as if deep in their hearts they knew it was true. Agonal screams were the last thing to come through the communicators, and then a gravelly silence fell. But Fives couldn't shake the memory of Ahsoka's voice calling his name. He didn't want this to be their last exchange of words. Even if everyone else had already marked this place as their tomb, Fives wasn't going to give up. Not on these men, and not on himself.
He looked around the place. The dead-end wall appeared too thick to breach and he didn't want to clear the passage that separated them from the creature. They didn't have any layouts for the tunnel but they had walked enough to realise that the road network was dense. If they managed to get to the upper corridor, they might stand a chance to get out of there. Or at least they would get access to the oxygen.
Fives rummaged through his backpack. "I have two more explosives," he declared.
"This is your plan?" Torus scoffed. "To bring down more walls?"
"Not walls – ceiling. If we can reach the upper level, we might find a way out."
"Provided we don't get lost," Torus countered. "We were supposed to return the same way we came, not wander blindly."
"I'm open to suggestions if you have any?"
Torus just rolled his eyes in response. "You really think this will work?" he asked sceptically once they attached the explosives to the ceiling and moved to take cover.
"Well, I'm not gonna just stay here, risking your words would be the last thing I hear in my life." Fives said right before pressing the detonator.
The corridor shook, debris fell down, filling the air with suffocating dust. But once the dust settled, an opening appeared. They had to hoist themselves and put in extra work to drag Creed up, but they made it. Fives flashed his torch in both ends of the corridor but they looked the same.
"Wanna take a lucky guess or take a democratic vote?" He asked.
"Neither," Torus answered. Fives prepared himself for another unhelpful comment but was surprised to actually agree with the man. "Let's take left, the further from that creature the better," Torus said and moved first.
Fives crouched beside the half-conscious Creed, and together with Chester, they lifted him up. The man winced loudly, slumped heavily on Fives' side but limped forward, following the Torus' dim silhouette.
They moved forward, registering the turns they hazarded rather than chose. The 212th men checked their commlinks regularly but the channels remained silent. Fives couldn't shake his worries. The path often led to a dead-end, forcing them to backtrack and correct their course. From time to time they could hear a distant echo of creatures' shrieks and he had no idea what he'd do if they encountered another. To actually find a way to the surface could take a whole night and even that might not be enough. Fives was painfully aware of the passing time as the weight of Creed's body on his shoulder was increasing by the hour. But he kept his dire thoughts to himself, knowing that his brothers likely shared similar concerns.
After three more hours of trekking, they decided to take a break. Creed was panting loudly, his legs being more pulled by Chester and Fives rather than moving on their own.
"Do we at least know if we're moving up and not down?" Chester whispered when they moved out of Creed's earshot. "The air does seem warmer, right?"
"Yeah, I think it is," Fives nodded, though he had concerns that it might just be the heat caused by their exertions. The air was thin with oxygen, it was hard to breathe at all - a miracle they hadn't passed out yet. "Still no signal?"
"No." Chester shook his head. "What if they already left the planet? It's been hours."
"I think we should split," Fives suggested. "Creed won't be able to go any further, and we need to get a signal as soon as possible."
"Fine. I'll stay with him. You two go." Chester agreed. There was no use arguing; they all knew it offered the best chance of getting out.
Without Creed slowing them down, they could set a fast pace, or at least as fast as their exhausted bodies would allow.
"I think we should take the right turn," Fives said as they faced another fork.
"Great," Torus said, turning left.
"What's your problem?" Fives snapped, moving after the man. "You hate me so much that you're willing to die for it?"
"We're clones, we're going to die one way or another," Torus replied casually. "Always thought I'd be pierced by a clanker but here we are. Life really is surprising."
"We're not dead yet. We might not live till the end of this war but we might make it at least one day longer."
"What for? What's the difference if it's one day or one month longer? No one cares anyway."
"Well I care." Fives said firmly.
"Touching." Torus mocked. "I'm not gonna play into your fairytale but you go ahead and continue your main character syndrome. I'll give you one though – you really can't seem to stop. I haven't figured out yet if you're faking this 'no fear' stance or if you're just dumb."
Fives pondered over those words. Deep down, he was terrified, but he couldn't seem to let go of that dim light of chance that they would leave this temple alive. Did that make him not only a fool but a fraud, too? He'd rather not answer.
Fives abandoned attempts to get the conversation going and they continued their walk in silence.
The air was heavy. Fives found himself taking deeper breaths yet they still didn't seem sufficient. His head began to throb with pain, but he didn't dare to say any of these complaints out loud, especially not to Torus. However, the man groaned loudly, interrupting Fives' thoughts.
"What now?" Fives asked, annoyed. He was too tired to take any more of his grumbling.
Fives turned around and saw that the man was leaning against a wall, his head hanging downwards. "Torus?" Fives asked and in the next moment, Torus tumbled to the ground. Fives caught him just before his head hit the stone floor.
"What's wrong?!" he asked but no answer came. He removed Torus' helmet and checked his pulse. The man's breathing was shallow. Fives figured the effects of the low oxygen levels he was struggling with must've taken an even stronger toll on Torus.
"Kark," Fives cursed under his breath. "You really have to have it your way, don't you?" There was no point in waking the fainted man. Fives hoisted Torus onto his shoulders, and, wobbling on his feet, moved forward.
After hours of stumbling through the darkness, Fives was already exhausted, and carrying Torus only slowed him down further. This wasn't the plan when they left Creed and Chester behind. Now, the body on Fives' back was slumping from his shoulders just like his eyelids were falling down. His fast heartbeat seemed to echo in the tunnels, each inhale feeling emptier than the last.
Maybe Torus was right; maybe none of this mattered after all. He could just let the fatigue overwhelm him and let it be the end. There was no one here – he could stop the show-off and slowly sink to the ground. Still, he took another step forward. Because Fives was a fraud; he had screwed the death many times before and aimed to do it once more.
Tumult suddenly sounded in the tunnel and the ground shook. Fives' first thought was that the creature finally sniffed him out and was ready to strike again. But then a flashlight blinded his eyes and human voices reached his ears like a warm embrace in the cold.
"Over here! We've got 'em!"
Legs bent under Fives and he collapsed onto his knees. A trooper knelt beside him, taking Torus from his shoulder.
"Creed 'nd Chester they… down there," Fives mumbled, struggling against the blackness that tried to overtake his vision and mind. "You have to-"
"Not to worry. We will take care of it," came a comforting voice. Fives felt the soft fabric of someone's forearm as he clung to it desperately. "Let's return you to your legion, shall we?" said Kenobi. "Cody, inform Anakin and Ahsoka that the search is over."
Fives heard Marshal Commander's short reply before succumbing to unconsciousness.
He woke up in the dark stony hall, but this time the place was hustling with busy men. Fives took off the oxygen mask and sat up. His head swirled and he would've fallen over if not for the hand that grabbed his shoulder.
"Not so quickly," Helix warned.
"Where's Torus?" Fives asked immediately.
"He's fine."
"Creed and Chester?"
"They're all fine," the medic assured him, but added, "Can't say the same about you if you keep moving around." Fives relented and allowed Helix to inject the syringe into his neck. As the medication took effect, Fives felt his muscles relax. His senses sharpened, making him more aware of the surroundings, including the needle piercing his skin.
"We're in your debt," Helix said, while Fives was immobilised by another injection. "The 212th, I mean."
"I did what anyone would," he muttered, still fighting the headache.
"You're wrong," Helix said lightheartedly. "But I'll let you stay that way. How are you feeling? Can you stand up?"
"'m all right."
"Excellent. Join General Kenobi on the evacuation. They'll be boarding Resolute."
"What? What about General Skywalker and Commander Tano?"
"They're still underground, on their way back from the rescue mission. I'm sure they'll join shortly."
Fives didn't get to ask anything more as Helix moved to attend to more injured patients. He thought about the medic's words. Ahsoka was still in the tunnels? Fives couldn't pretend he didn't hope to see her already.
The shouted orders of evacuation forced him to move from his spot and follow troopers out to the gunships. Maybe it was due to exhaustion, but once he saw Torus and their eyes met, Fives could swear he noticed the slightest nod – a silent sign of acknowledgement.
The ship took off and Fives for the last time looked down at the burned fields.
The gunship engines always made a harsh turmoil but upon entering the Resolute hangar, the noise became even louder. Medics rushed to take care of those with the most pressing injuries. The loud clunks of unloaded cargo from the gunships and the surrounding chatter were only outperformed by the orders shouted around the hangar.
Fives still had trouble wrapping his head around everything that had happened in the past few hours. He managed to catch Chester and get his side of the story while more ships entered the hangar.
"Fives!"
He turned at the voice that cut through the overwhelming noise.
The blue-white flashed before his eyes just as Ahsoka crashed into his chest, the impact nearly knocking him off balance. Her arms wrapped tightly around his back but his hands remained hanging in mid-air. He looked down at her; her face was buried in his chest, her body trembling so much that he could feel it through his plastoid armour.
"I thought you were dead!" Ahsoka cried out, hitting her fist against his chest. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.
"Commander —" Fives muttered, too stunned to say anything more. Ahsoka's face was covered in dust and dirt so much that he barely could make out the white markings on her cheeks. A single tear escaped her eye, carving a path down her grimy face. She looked as if she had spent even more time traversing the tunnels than he had.
Ahsoka bit down on her lip and took two steps back, reestablishing the appropriate distance that should separate officer and soldier. Only then Fives realised that they were in the middle of a crowded hangar and he wasn't the only one baffled by their interaction. He felt several not exactly discrete gazes lingering on them before medics arrived to claim the rest of the injured troopers.
"Go," Ahsoka said, her tone leaving no room for argument. Fives still wanted to try. Kriff the medics; he needed no bacta. He needed to hear the unspoken words that hung heavily in the air between him and her.
"Ahsoka —"
"Just go," she pressed and before Fives could protest, he got swept away with the mass of soldiers toward the med bay.
Fives ended up waiting patiently for his turn outside the medical office as his injuries were quickly classified as 'mild' at best. A few bruises formed on his shoulder and throbbed when he tried to lean against the wall, but otherwise, he was fine. Pain was the least of his concerns, with Ahsoka consuming all his attention.
"That's kriffing unfair," Mick complained beside him, holding onto his fractured rib. "I got more cuts and you're the one who rose from the dead,"
"Maybe you should try it, was fun." Fives replied without looking away from the clock on the wall opposite him. Only a minute separated him from marking his hour-long stay.
"I might as well," Mick scoffed. "Your stunt was way funnier for you than us. I thought commander would faint on the spot once you were said to be dead."
That shook Fives awake. He turned abruptly to Mick.
"Commander? Commander Tano?" he pressed in need of clarification even though he doubted Marshal Commander Cody would be crushed by the prospect of his death.
"Who else?" The man retorted but Fives wasn't interested in mockery. With anticipation, he waited for Mick to elaborate, ready to fish every piece of information about Ahsoka he could get. He was ready to press on Mick but didn't have to as the man continued on his own.
"She ordered a search operation and refused to stop it, even when Kenobi said it was no use anymore," Mick paused to wince at his untreated gash and Fives thought shamefully that he should just get on with it and keep talking."I heard that she cares about her troops but didn't think she was giving hugs away for surviving missions."
"Yeah, and captain gives out kisses for proper reports," said Fives somewhat dryly.
Mick laughed loudly but quickly whined and grabbed his ribs. "I'm happy when Cody gives me a pat on the shoulder. And even that's rare."
A medic finally appeared from the office and asked Mick in. Once the door shut, leaving Fives alone in the hallway, he allowed himself to get swallowed by the pressing thoughts.
His imagination went wild, flooding his mind with images of Ahsoka going pale, her hands grasping whatever they could find to keep herself from falling. Was this how it looked? How long did she search the temple with the belief that it had become his tomb? And then there was the hug, so forceful that Fives might as well be having his ribs treated next to Mick.
Yet Mick was mistaken about one thing. No matter how loose Skywalker's approach to regulations may have been, there were still boundaries. And even though the conduct was much more lax than in other legions, it left no room for intimacy such as hugging. This was the first time it had ever happened, and Fives couldn't stop wondering why.
The clock completed another circuit before Fives finally entered the medical office. He went on automatically, answering the medic's questions without much thought. With a bandage wrapped around his shoulder, he moved through the halls, too lost in his thoughts to notice anyone passing him by. It wasn't until Rex stopped him and gave the order to gather data from Ahsoka on his way to the bridge that he was snapped out of this trance. Try as he might, he failed to quiet the insistent thoughts before reaching the officers' cabins.
The silence dragged on long after he knocked on the door. He had already raised his fist to repeat the action when Ahsoka's face appeared before him. "Hi," he said, startled by the look in her eyes. "Rex asked me to collect some data from you."
Ahsoka nodded and beckoned him inside while she moved towards her desk. Fives halted by the closed door and took a look around. Now that the candles stood lifeless without the burning glimmer, the cabin seemed odd. The sterile white lights almost emanated chill, robbing the room of the uniqueness he had felt the last time he had been there. Or perhaps it was Ahsoka's distant demeanour that added to the room's unfamiliarity. There was something in the way she moved that made him uneasy. He was used to her throwing jokes as a cover for her true emotions, but it was the silence that spoke the loudest. Was she embarrassed about their hug in the hangar? Was that why she couldn't – didn't want to – meet his eyes?
"Here," she offered the datapad without raising her gaze above his shoulders.
"Thanks," he said and reached out to accept the device. But before he could actually take it, Ahsoka caught his wrist and turned it to see the top of his palm.
"You're hurt," she said.
"It's just a scratch," Fives objected, but Ahsoka was already pulling a first aid kit from a nearby cabinet. Fives wasn't being modest or negligent when describing his injury. It really was just a thin mark across his skin that would disappear in a day on its own. Even the medics didn't bother to wrap it. In every other situation, Fives would've rolled his eyes at Ahsoka's overprotectiveness, making sarcastic retorts about her attempts to outshine Kix. But this time wasn't like any other. He remained silent as her trembling palms applied bacta on his skin.
Ahsoka applied the patch to his hand and gently smoothed its surface. She held his hand in both of hers, still staring at the scratch beneath the wrapping. Fives tried to decipher what was on her mind, but minutes passed and he still couldn't understand why she was holding him like that. He recalled Mick's words from the medbay, but they still didn't make much sense. Even if she had been so disturbed by the news then, it didn't explain her behaviour now that she knew he was alive and well.
"Patch is more than enough. You don't have to try Force healing, too," he joked lightly, intending to ease the tension, but Ahsoka didn't even flinch. She gave no sign that she'd even heard him. "Soka?" he said tentatively.
Ahsoka took an uneven breath and abruptly let go of his hand. A single tear shone down her cheek, then fell down her chin and onto the floor. Fives opened his mouth to ask if she was all right, to apologise for anything he might have done to upset her. But before he could utter a word, Ahsoka closed the distance between them, enveloping him in a tight embrace. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her face pressed against his jaw, making him feel tears rolling down her cheeks.
This time, Fives hesitates only for a moment. His arms found their way around Ahsoka's waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. He could feel her heartbeat echoing in his own chest, a rapid rhythm matching his own. His fingers pressed firmer against her back.
"Soka…" he sighed softly.
Fives had imagined the fear painted on her face upon hearing the news of his death, but only now could he really feel it in the trembling of her body and in the tears that soaked his shirt. Now that he wasn't wearing his upper armour he could really feel her. And it was both the best and worst thing in the world.
"Soka, I'm alright. I'm here," he assured gently but his words were met with only more tears against his skin. He tried to gently pull her away, enough so he could look her in the eye, but Ahsoka pressed her face further into the crook of his neck.
"I—" He heard her muffled sob. "I thought you were dead…" She wept, but unlike in the hangar bay, there was no reproach in her voice, only grief. "That I would never see you again…"
"I'm fine now," he repeated softly, gently stroking her back.
"How am I supposed to let you out of my sight if the moment I do, you're on the brink of death again!" She cried. "I thought you were hurt. I saw you crushed under the brick, bleeding – dying alone…" she managed to choke out before her voice broke and got swept away by another surge of tears.
Fives pulled her closer. Her silhouette seemed so fragile in his embrace. Each shuddered breath that echoed over his skin, every tremble of her weeping felt like a dagger to his heart. He had hoped that within his embrace, she would feel better, that if he held her tight enough he could keep her from falling apart. But the minutes passed, and her crying only seemed to grow stronger. Fives couldn't bear to see her like this.
"Ahsoka, look at me." He pulled her away with more firmness this time. Her palms slid to his shoulders and curled into fists around the material of his shirt. Tears kept rolling down her cheeks but she didn't raise her gaze above his chest.
"Hey, don't cry. Not over me, okay?" Fives gently cradled her face in his hand, hoping it would prompt her to look at him. Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her lip. "Are you that unwilling to look at me?" Fives tried to inject a hint of humour into his voice and brushed his thumb to catch a few tears that escaped from beneath her eyelids.
"I get it if you're tired of looking at that same face all over the place but… Please, look at me." He sounded desperate but at least Ahsoka finally let her gaze meet his own. Fives thought that once he'd see her eyes it would be easier to talk to her. But the sorrow reflected in her eyes made his heart clench. Still, he pushed aside his own emotions and mustered a light voice and half a smile, "You were right, word please really does wonders."
Ahsoka let out a distorted laugh between sobs. Glad that he finally caught her attention from the dire thoughts, he continued, "Hey, remember what you've told me? Way back on Mantessa. We can't let fear control our lives, right? You really are smart, you should listen to yourself sometimes."
Fives hoped for any reply from her – a mutter, a nod, anything. Instead, her eyes welled up again and she swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears. Fives sighed, at a loss what else he could do or say.
"Soka, please…" His voice was gentle as he brushed her wet cheek. "You're breaking my heart," he whispered. "I'm really not worth it."
A small whimper escaped her lips and she covered his hand with her own. "Now you're breaking my heart," she whispered back. Ahsoka looked him straight in the eyes and Fives saw in them everything he'd always longed to see. It was as if all the care and affection he felt towards her were reflected in her eyes, only now tainted by the worry for him.
Ahsoka took a deep breath, visibly trying to regain her composure. Her hand unclenched from his shirt and both her palms fell to her sides. She stepped back out of his touch and suddenly Fives felt so cold.
"Sorry, I threw this on you," she said, struggling for a steady voice. "You shouldn't have to deal with this wailing. You did great today and I made it all about myself again." She quickly wiped away the remains of her tears with the back of her hand and forced a smile on her face. Fives felt as if a wall had been built between them.
"Ahsoka—"
"You came for the datapad, right?" She interjected but didn't sound hostile. The opposite. Exemplary politeness in her voice and gesture. It stung Fives to the core.
"Yeah, the datapad." He took the device from her hands. He considered calling out her bullshit but Ahsoka maintained her mask, looking at him bravely as if her cheeks weren't still wet from the tears she shed moments ago. Fives could tell when he was no longer welcome and Ahsoka's face said it all.
"I'll see you around then," he said more wryly than he meant to. Without waiting for a response, he turned and stepped out of the room.
The door shut close behind him, yet he didn't make even a step further, still not able to comprehend what had just happened.
Fives didn't cross paths with Ahsoka for the rest of the day. Not that he was surprised by this. He knew Ahsoka well enough to expect her to isolate herself until she succeeded in shutting her feelings down. Fives had cracked the pattern a long time ago. It was her standard procedure when trying to let go of complex emotions rather than process them. And as much as he had no right to say anything about that to her, with an equal amount he hated it. He hated how she hid her feelings behind a blank expression the way she always hid her injuries; how she pushed everyone away and buried troublesome emotions the way the Jedi Order taught her.
Several times Fives had thought of calling her out on it but had always ended up gritting his teeth and swallowing the words that were at the tip of his tongue. Now he wished for at least a brief opportunity to talk to her, if only to see if the mask she had put on the other day was still there. But since the members of the 212th were still guests on the Resolute, the likelihood of running into her was even slimmer. Not that Ahsoka needed help - she was more than capable of avoiding people without additional distractions. There was no telling how long it would take her to sort things out this time, and given that it involved himself, Fives didn't expect to see Ahsoka any time soon.
The two next days passed with standard duty while the Resolute made its way through the galaxy to its next destination. Having a 'post battle survivor' badge, Fives got some slack with his assignments and was allowed to return early to the barracks. Despite plenty of time off in the last two rotations, he has not been able to actually rest. Perhaps it was the constant thought of Ahsoka and her prolonged absence. He was swaying on this seesaw of uncertainty and was starting to feel nauseous. He hoped that a break in the empty barracks would alleviate at least some of the dizziness.
The lights were dimmed, as no one was supposed to be there at this time of the day cycle. He strolled the barracks, listening to the sound of his footsteps as he dragged his feet forward. He came to an absolute halt when he finally laid eyes on his bunk. Ahsoka was sitting on his bed, her back hunched forward as she rested her elbows on her knees, looking at something in her palms. Fives didn't get to see what it was because as soon as she noticed him, she closed it inside her fist and got up.
Fives walked up to her but kept his distance. He wasn't entirely sure of what he felt - about the last two days, or her presence here right now. A temptation appeared in his head to continue Ahsoka's charades; to pretend like everything was fine and feed to her delusion. But that thought quickly waned. Call him tactless or blunt but he had no kriffing idea why Ahsoka came, and he simply said so.
"I didn't expect to see you here."
"I wanted to say sorry for yesterday." She said in an unwavering voice and Fives wondered how many times she had practised it alone in her room to get that perfectly stoic expression.
"You don't have to," he shook his head but tried not to show his disappointment by her words. It definitely wasn't the apology he wanted to hear. "I'm not mad. I just don't understand."
"No, you don't." Ahsoka sounded firm and he noticed the way her fist clenched tighter. "I let my emotions get the better of me. And I can't do that. I just can't." Her gaze fell to the floor in shame. "It's not something a Jedi should ever do."
There was a piercing silence in the dark barracks. Fives was watching Ahsoka with a rising feeling of unfairness and debated how much he was actually willing to say. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I get how it is to struggle against your feelings," he said quietly but it was enough to draw Ahsoka's eyes to his. "To wonder whether they do more bad than good. I know what it feels like to try and kill emotions when the stakes are too high. When they could kriff everything up and ruin what I already have." He held Ahsoka's gaze hostage as he kept talking. He could tell she was listening intently to his every word but there was no telling what she was thinking. "Still, I don't think they are wrong. Not even for a Jedi. My mind, what I feel – that's the one thing no one can take away from me. The one thing no one had control or authority over but myself."
"It's not the same." Ahsoka said but Fives knew the words she really meant were 'we're not the same'. "There are dangers that come with feeling too much. Many better than me have lost their way by feeling too fiercely. Sorrow consumes the soul, it can easily turn into anger and then—"
"–I know!" Fives burst out. He let out a heavy breath before he could regain composure. "I know that," he repeated more calmly this time. "But have you really? Were you consumed by anger? Cause all I heard was that you were scared of what was happening to me. Trying to help me. I didn't hear a word of resentment towards the world or anger at your fate. I heard worry, sympathy and desire to help. And that sounds a damn lot like compassion to me. I thought that's what Jedi were all about."
Fives challenged Ahsoka and was ready to listen to all she disagreed with. He was prepared for her clever counter-arguments, wry remarks – kriff, he wouldn't be surprised if it turned into a shouting contest. But Ahsoka did none of that. She bit her quivering lip, blinking quickly to cast away the tears that welled up in her eyes. She folded her arms over her chest before turning her face away from his gaze. Fives sighed.
"I may not be a part of the conflict of greater powers wielding this universe," he began gently, "And I won't pretend I understand your connection with the Force. But I don't think you can be connected to every organism in the galaxy and at the same time detached from your own feelings. It's an endless circle where you're afraid of what you might become. But how can you live for others when you're scared of yourself?" he said with all the emotion he had been holding back until now. "Being in control over your feelings doesn't mean not feeling anything at all."
Ahsoka's gaze was fixed on her clenched fist. She was silent for a moment and Fives started to wonder if she'd actually answer him.
"I guess I was wrong." She finally said, raising her eyes to him. "You do understand. You understand me better than anyone."
Fives' heart skipped a beat, but he didn't have time to dwell on her words and fully grasp their meaning as Ahsoka continued.
"Sometimes… I'm just so lost," Ahsoka confessed quietly. "In the Temple I'm surrounded by all those people who never seem to struggle. Following the code seems so effortless for them and I start to wonder if I really fit in." She paused, her gaze distant, as if searching for answers in the far corners of the room. "But with you… Everything is so much easier. I know easy isn't always the right but– Everything you said, I wanna believe in it. I want to—" she hesitated as if reconsidering her words. "I just…" She made a step towards Fives. "I want to give you this."
Ahsoka reached out and showed the thing she had been hiding all this time. On a long black strap hung a pendant of emerald stone. Fives very carefully took the necklace from her hand.
"This is a fragment of the crystal from which I made my shoto," she explained. Fives looked closely at the kyber stone. He felt the same energy and warmth coursing through him as when he had held her lightsaber back on Hoth. "I'm not expecting you to wear it or anything…" She said sheepishly. "I just… want you to have it."
Fives looked back at her, searching for any indication that she was joking, but Ahsoka was serious. A trace of uncertainty flickered in her eyes as if she was afraid he wouldn't accept the gift. As though there was a chance he would reject the part of her she was offering to him.
Without a word, Fives reached beneath the collar of his blacks and retrieved the dog tag that lay pressed against his chest. For the first time in a long while – and perhaps the last – he removed the chain from around his neck. Gently, he took hold of Ahsoka's wrist and placed the dog tag in her open palm, closing her fingers around it with both hands.
"Wha—" Her eyes went wide in astonishment. "Fives, I— I can't accept it, it's —"
"Yours now," he interjected softly. "I trust you with my life, Ahsoka. Always have and always will. Besides," he added, indicating the kyber crystal in his hand, "I already have something to carry around my neck."
Her eye markings were raised and drawn together as she pulled a teary smile. She shifted her gaze down to the pendant in her hand and gingerly traced her fingertips over the fives engraved on the metal.
"I can't believe you gave me a lecture about being a Jedi." Ahsoka laughed softly. "And a better one than some of which I've heard in the Temple. Are you sure you're not secretly a Jedi knight?" She tilted her head with amusement.
"Yeah, I'm the chosen one." Fives joked, a proud grin spreading across his face at the sight of Ahsoka's smile. She truly was one of a kind. With each passing day, he felt that he couldn't be more in love with her, only to be proven wrong the next morning. His expression softened. "Everything I said… It's just what I've learnt from a certain someone. Now I'm just returning the wisdom to its owner since she needs to hear it from somebody else to believe it."
"Fives…"
He took a step forward and delicately took her hand in his own. "Let's keep each other away from the fear, okay?"
Ahsoka squeezed his palm. "As long as I'm with you… I've got nothing to be afraid of."
As he looked into her glimmering eyes, Fives wondered if it was okay for him to hug her. He longed to hold her close simply because he wanted to, not because one of them was hurt or crying. He wanted to savour the feel of her without the sour taste of tears or sadness. After all, Ahsoka had already broken this barrier between them – twice. So would it be so wrong for him to wrap his arms around her waist while they were alone…
The door swung open, letting loud voices inside. Fives knew he had wasted his chance. For a few precious seconds, he held Ahsoka's palm, reluctant to let go until the approaching footsteps grew too loud. Once he knew that another moment and they would be visible to approachers, he let go of her hand and took a step back as if nothing had happened. But even after Ahsoka had gone, he could still feel the lingering warmth of her palm in his own.
That night, as the light in the barracks went off and every trooper settled into their bunks, Fives pulled the necklace from beneath his shirt. He gazed at the glowing pendant, still struggling to believe that it now belonged to him. He knew the prices of the stone he held in his hand; on the black market, it was worth more than his own life. But that's not what made the gift so significant. Fives saw a different kind of value in the green crystal, one that couldn't be measured in credits. He knew Ahsoka felt the same way.
Whether he wanted to or not, he had heard hundreds of Skywalker's lectures about lightsabers being Jedi's life. And Ahsoka had given a part of herself to him. This wasn't the kind of gift one gives to just a friend; it was something deeply personal. So were her words and tears. Fives had been extra cautious not to get his hopes up, filtering everything Ahsoka said or did with as much reason as he could muster. But he couldn't pretend not to see what was right in front of him. And for the first time, he allowed himself the thought that his feelings for Ahsoka might be reciprocated. That his affection wasn't as hopeless as he had thought and that, in some way, Ahsoka might even love him.
And then they would be equally kriffed.
They would both be trapped in a cage of unspoken confessions, unable to express what they really wanted due to the rules that restrained them. Because even if they dared to say what they had to say aloud, it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't have changed who they were.
Fives closed his fingers around the pendant and pressed it close to his chest. He shut his eyes, wishing the things really were easier.