T/W's: Mentions of Suicide

Chapter 62: I Love You

5th January 1992

Gilbert awoke to the Russian lying motionless next to him as it had been for the past 9 days. He was starting to look more and more alive and the wounds on his head had healed so Gilbert was hopeful he would soon wake up.

Gilbert sat up and after grabbing a hair brush from the bedside table he propped the Russian into a sitting position and began brushing his hair. Not that it was getting messy much since he wasn't moving but it comforted Gilbert to do it.

His brother had been sorting all the cooking and cleaning so he could focus on looking after the Russian. Occasionally going down stairs and leaving Gilbird in charge of watching him so he could go work out with his brother. Luckily the Russian still had a bunch of workout equipment from when he used to live here.

'You best not be brain dead you know. I would be very unhappy if the awesome me had to look after you like this forever. West also would hate you as we would have to take you to live with us you know.' Gilbert mocked as he laid the Russian back into the bed carefully and pulled the cover over him.

As much as Gilbert would be willing to care for the Russian like this for as long as it took he knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn't fob off Ivan's new Boss anymore, he would be forced to tell the truth of what had happened and no doubt Ivan would be took away from him while he would be deported and maybe banned from coming back.

So far everytime his boss called, Gilbert had managed to pass himself off as Ivan housekeeper and explain that Ivan was bedridden and not well enough to come to the phone. Luckily this Boss of Ivan's had never met him before so never recognize his voice and both his Russian and his Russian accent was native level at this point.

He was amazed that his Boss was just not seeming to care that his embodiment was awol. Then again Ivan's new boss seemed to be as stupid as Ivan was and Gilbert couldn't believe he was saying this but that was likely a good thing for Ivan, the dude was very unlikely to punish him if he didn't even care if he showed up to meetings.

Gilbert got up and changed into some day clothes, even though almost all he was going to do was read books sitting on the bed while keeping an eye on Ivan.

Once dressed Gilbert walked up to Ivan and kissed him on the forehead before walking to the bedroom door so he could leave and get breakfast, his bird nestling in the Russian's hair to keep an eye on him for Gilbert.

Gilbert was about to shut the bedroom door when his bird began chirping like mad. Gilbert ran back in and jumped on the bed, looking as the Russian seemed to move his head slightly before letting out a groan.

He did this a few times before he finally opened his eyes, blinking a few times as they readjusted to been used; he was surprised to see Gilbert and his Bird watching over him as they refocused.

'Gilbert.' Ivan said barely a whisper, his voice was hoarse and small from the fact he was very dehydrated and the fact he hadn't used it for 10 days.

'Your awake!' Gilbert screamed in joy, crying happy tears as he pulled the Russian into a tight embrace.

'Why are you here... Where am I?' Ivan said confused and dazed.

'Your house idiot. I got your fucking voicemail and figured you were about to do something dumb but I didn't get here in time. So the awesome me has been caring for you until you get better.' Gilbert explained, not letting go.

'I called you... when did I... last I remembered I put my TV in my room...' Ivan responded as he weakly hugged the Prussian back.

His arms and legs ached, his head felt like it got run over by a horde of tanks and his stomach was killing him with hunger but the warmth of Prussia's body was helping him.

'Thats because you shot yourself you fucking idiot!' Gilbert pulled away, tears following freely with the Russian pinned under him.

'Why did you do that hu? Why did you break up with me if you actually loved me? Why are you such a fucking dummkoff!' Gilbert cried and pulled the Russian to sit slightly and shook him around.

'It hurts... Please stop that...' Ivan mumbled out, causing the Prussian to drop him.

'Let's get you some food and shit then you have a whole lot of explaining to do.' Gilbert sighed, getting up and leaving the room.

Ivan lay on his back still trying to figure out what had happened. He could remember his plan and considering Gilbert had confirmed he had indeed shot himself he had gone through with it and it didn't work. The problem was Ivan couldn't remember any of it or the phone call.

Gilbert soon came back in with a tray of food and placed it on the bedside table. Lifting the Russian into a sitting position he handed him the glass of water first. However Ivan was so thirsty he tried to drink it all in one go and ended up choking on it.

'You need to drink it slowly you idiot!' Gilbert yelled as he snatched the water away from the Russian.

'I want vodka...' Ivan complained after recovering from his coughing fit.

'You can have vodka when you are properly hydrated and have eaten, Now drink it slowly.' Gilbert rolled his eyes as he brought the cup up to the Russian's lips.

He hoped by holding the glass himself he could stop Ivan almost killing himself again on the water. He really was like a child, especially when he was injured like this. It would be cute if it wasn't so fucking annoying.

'Now, West made us some apple pancakes. So you best not complain or I am throwing you out the window as my little brother is an awesome cook like me.' Gilbert snarked as he grabbed one of the plates and began feeding it to Ivan.

'Your brother is here?' Ivan asked, confused between bites.

'He came to help me since I was on my own.' Gilbert lied.

He knew it was because Ludwig didn't trust the Russian as far as you could throw if you were dead but he didn't have the heart to tell Ivan that right now.

'How nice of him. Is he like family now, da?' Ivan asked happily.

'Uhhhh' Gilbert said, unsure of how to respond to that.

'Hey... so you want to tell me what the fuck you were even trying to pull?' Gilbert changed the subject, as he placed another spoonful into Ivan's mouth.

'Oh... Will you be sad if I tell you the truth...' Ivan looked away sadly.

'I think I already got all my sadness out a few days ago.' Gilbert sighed honestly, trying to get Ivan to have another spoon but he refused.

'I... I had a plan that if I timed it right, in the transition between becoming the Russian Federation I might lose my immortality for a split second and could die.' Ivan said as he began to cry.

'Either it didn't work or I timed it wrong but I can't' even remember doing it.' Ivan said as he put his head in his hands.

'Why did you want to die?' Gilbert asked as he put the plate down and pulled the Russian into a hug.

'Everyone left me, including my sisters, no one wanted to be happy with me. Everytime I build something it gets ripped away and I get left alone and I was frustrated. So I thought if I died a new embodiment could take my place and I could be free.' Ivan explained, burying himself into the Prussians chest.

'In that place where war is no more and you are surrounded by sunflowers.' Gilbert said softly repeating the line from the voicemail.

'That's where I hope to be, yeah... if it is even real that what I think heaven is...' Ivan sighed.

As if either of them were going to heaven. Both of them had done awful things. Gilbert gave up on any chance of him going to heaven many years ago. Then again could someone like Ivan who doesn't know right from wrong be condemned to hell when they didn't understand what they did?

'How did you know that was where I thought I would go?' Ivan asked.

'In that voicemail. You told me how you regretted that night in 89, how you still loved me but wanted me to move on with someone more appropriate for me. That it would make you happy. You then told me you were going to the place surrounded by sunflowers and that you hoped to see me there one day but not too soon, then said goodbye and told me to remember that you loved me in the past tense.' Gilbert explained.

'That's how I knew you were going to do something dumb so I ran away to grab the first plane and royally pissed off West in the process.' Gilbert laughed.

'I am sorry... I just wanted you to be happy with your brother. You always pined for him when you were here.' Ivan cried.

'You idiot, I choose to be with you. I still want to be with you, although we can't really live together anymore. I told you that night I wasn't leaving you and you just ran away.' Gilbert sighed.

'Don't you want to spend what little time you have left with him instead of me?' Ivan asked sadly.

'I am not short on time. I am still here, besides, if I was short on time I would want to spend what time I have left with people I love and that includes you, you fucking idiot! You should be honoured that someone as awesome as me wants to spend time with you so stop running from it!' Gilbert asserted as he ruffled the Russian's hair, careful not to hurt him by moving his head too much.

'That means so much to me! GILBEEEERRRRTTT!' Ivan began bawling as he hugged him tight as he physically could.

'You really are pathetic aren't you... Just like back then... you crybaby...' Gilbert laughed lovingly and he kissed the Russian on the top of his head.

This is all Gilbert wanted now, to be by his brother's side, hanging out with his friend Spain and France, and cuddling in bed with his sorry excuse for a boyfriend Russia. Spending his retirement this way, until he maybe faded away, felt right.

'I love you so much Vanya.' Gilbert whispered into the others' hair.

'I love you too Gilbert.' Ivan sobbed in return.