Chapter title is from Falling in Reverse's song "Voices in My Head".
Chapter Nine: Voices in My Head
Moments after Doctor Banner informed Heimdall of their return, he collapsed, prompting healers to bring him to the medical wing.
As one of the most experienced healers, Eir brought Sigyn along to check on the king and prince. Sigyn reluctantly agreed, doing her best to hide her worry.
Two guards stood sentry outside of Thor's quarters. They nodded when Eir and Sigyn approached and opened the door to let them enter.
"Anything we should know?" Eir asked as the guards escorted them into the room.
"The Valkyrie is with them. We have yet to hear either of them awake," one guard said.
True to his word, both Loki and Thor lay supine alongside each other on the large bed. The Valkyrie, Brunnhidle, sat on a sofa near the bed, watching the two royals. She stood when the healers entered.
The guards departed, leaving Eir and Sigyn alone with the king, prince, and Valkyrie.
"Heimdall put me on watch in case anything happened," Brunnhilde explained. "I tried to get them as comfortable as possible without moving them too much."
Eir approached the bed first, her wisened eyes scanning over the brothers.
Years spent alongside Loki and Thor meant she witnessed things the public rarely saw. It still shocked her to see Loki lying on the bed, his face paler than normal. His chest rose and fell slowly as if sleeping, and if not for the sheen of sweat and a deep frown on his face, he would have looked peaceful.
Beside him, Thor's mouth hung partly opened and a line of drool speckled his beard. Both had their boots and more restrictive clothing removed, leaving them in their pants and shirts to alleviate possible breathing problems.
"Is there anything I could help with?" Brunnhilde offered, keeping a respectful distance away to give the healers room to work.
Eir shook her head. "Sigyn and I should have this covered. If anything, keeping the crowd away would certainly help things run more smoothly."
Brunnhilde nodded, clasped a fist to her heart, and left.
Sigyn deposited her medical bag onto the bedside table and stood beside Loki, matching Eir's movements to check his pulse while the older healer checked Thor's.
Despite Loki's normal breathing, his pulse hammered away at a rate exceedingly different than one would have in during sleep or in a coma.
Glancing across the bed, Sigyn noticed a frown on Eir's lips. Thor must also have a high heart rate.
"Well, this is unusual," Eir said. "By all appearances, they are in a coma, and yet their pulse says otherwise."
"Loki's temperature is higher than normal," Sigyn added, the back of her hand pressed against his sweaty forehead.
"Thor's too," Eir replied. "I can feel an energy field surrounding him, but I do not know the source."
The energy had pressed in on her immediately when she walked through the door and only increased the closer she came to the bed. Now, at Loki's side, the energy made the hair on her arms stand and goosebumps break out on her exposed skin.
To top it all off, the familiar chilly aroma of fresh mint radiated from Loki—a clear indicator of his sedir. However, instead of a small amount like a single spritz of perfume, the sharp scent attacked her senses like a stinging volley of ice.
Eyes watering, she coughed once into her elbow and peered closer at Loki's unconscious form. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see a thin glimmer—his aura—enveloping his body. It pulsed in time with his heartbeat, blinking furiously as if afraid.
"Oh, Loki," Sigyn whispered, not caring if Eir heard. "What did you do?"
"You have a theory," Eir said more like a statement than a question.
Sigyn nodded, still staring at Loki's green aura. "I have never seen him perform such displays of power. Something must have happened on Kitson to warrant this."
"Doctor Banner did say they were attacked, or rather, Loki initiated a fight and a battle ensued," Eir pointed out. "All the attackers were dead after a shockwave knocked both him and the king unconscious."
"Loki must have retaliated," Sigyn said, mostly to convince herself. "He doesn't wield his magic without thinking first."
Eir frowned, meeting Sigyn's gaze. "Loki is no longer the man you once knew. I would not put it past him to have instigated the fight simply to wreak havoc." She reached down to press her fingers against the pulse point in Thor's wrist. "What I do not understand is how and why the patrons on Kiston perished while the king and Doctor Banner remained alive."
She looked across the bed at Sigyn again. "If Loki intended to kill everyone, why would he let those two live? Even if he had no control over his outburst?"
Sigyn had no definite answer, only a hint of hope shoved deep inside like a light refusing to die in the middle of a storm. She wanted to believe Loki had no intentions of starting a fight or killing everyone in the building. If he truly had no control over his magic and something provoked him into defending himself, then, by all accounts, Thor and Doctor Banner should have perished along with the others.
Perhaps something inside Loki still wrested his magic under control, and he purposefully only killed those who were an immediate threat to himself. Perhaps he still valued his brother and would not have attacked his allies. Perhaps something pushed him over the edge and his sedir acted instinctively to his subconsciousness.
She could hope—wanted to hope—Loki still had some good in him and all those lies, deceptions, and betrayals were nothing more than a phase ushered in by outside forces as a means to survival. If not, then Sigyn wasted all those centuries spent together with the man she once loved and desired to marry.
She barely recognized the man lying on the bed before her. Anger still flared when her eyes traced his sharp cheekbones and thin lips on his hardened face only to realize those same lips ordered the slaughter of hundreds. The clammy hand in hers had felled dozens for reasons she had yet to—and may never—understand.
Once, she used to know him well enough to guess his next thought. They bonded through shared interests and grew to almost read each other's minds without any magical assistance. Now, not even a touch on his forehead and a trickle of magic flowing from her veins could penetrate the darkened storm swirling inside his mind.
"They need rest," Eir said, pulling Sigyn from her somber thoughts. "I would also recommend an ice bath to cool their temperatures and lessen any risks."
Sigyn agreed. Sedir exhaustion plagued even the most experienced and powerful sorcerers. Using one's magic too often and too much could lead to near-fatal situations. In extreme cases, sudden outbursts of magic, especially for novices, overly confident sorcerers, or those unable to fully control their magic, could lead to spontaneous combustion. Overuse of magic had similar side effects to exercising when sick or tired, except pushing one's magical limits and draining one's supply of sedir could have dangerous consequences.
Something or someone had pushed Loki—if not over, then dangerously near—to his limits. Judging by the halo of energy emitting from him hours after the supposed fight, he should thank the Norns for only falling conscious instead of burning himself inside out into a pile of ash.
Her whole body tingled from proximity to him, and one look at Eir proved the lead healer felt the same way. No doubt Loki's quickened heart rate meant his body worked overtime to replenish his sedir.
"Though Thor's wellbeing takes highest priority, I do not believe he is in as much danger as Loki if his body temperature is not immediately brought down," Eir said. "Separating the two will do them some good, so prepare an ice bath for Loki while I attend to our king. Loki's Jotun physiology requires more urgent attention."
Sigyn obeyed her senior's commands and went into the adjoined bathroom. Once she filled the bathtub with cold water, she returned to the bedroom.
Together, she and Eir peeled off Loki's shirt and pants, stripping him to his undergarments. Sigyn lifted him by the armpits while Eir grabbed his legs to carry him to the bathtub. They set him into the water as gently as possible and arranged his limbs in a more comfortable position.
Submerged to his neck, he did not move while Sigyn grabbed two washcloths and placed them on his forehead and behind his neck to better support his head.
Eir left Sigyn alone, trusting her to care for the prince in her absence.
Sigyn dragged a stool to sit beside the tub, every so often placing her palm on Loki's forehead and sending a small flow of healing magic through his system to lessen his fever. They had no ice anywhere on the ship, so she added more water to prevent it from warming to room temperature. Whenever the washcloths dried, she dipped them into the water to resoak them and replaced them along pulse points.
She and Eir stayed with the brothers for the rest of the day and well into the night. By the time the evening meal rolled around, Loki's temperature dropped mostly to normal. Thor, too, had cooled off and snored away on the bed.
They moved Loki back to the bed after drying him off, keeping an eye out for any signs in either direction. So far, neither Loki nor Thor showed voluntary movements, but they also longer appeared in any danger.
Exhausted, Sigyn sat heavily on the sofa, too tired to eat her food. Eir tried to make small talk, but they never got to anything substantial.
Being in the same room with someone radiating as much energy as Loki, it came as no surprise to Sigyn when a headache formed. When Eir asked about it, Sigyn waved it off, thinking nothing of it.
It only got worse as the day wore on and by evening, it hurt to move, so she stayed on the sofa while Eir did routine checks.
She must have fallen asleep at one point because she awoke to find a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Sleeping had not eased the pressure building in her skull, and no matter what she did, neither she nor Eir could reduce it.
It got to the point where Sigyn could no longer deny the severity. Something was seriously wrong, and she had no idea why.
The headaches continued to increase, and she slept fitfully as strange images flashed in her head. Those images seemed oddly familiar despite not having seen them before.
A hazy veil separated her from the scenes, and trying to clear the fog only worsened her headaches.
Eir had no answers, theorizing perhaps Loki's magic had affected her.
Sigyn, though, did not agree, and as she lay on the sofa, she wondered if she was dying.
-oOo-
Something clawed inside her skull, scraping against the bone in an attempt to break free.
Rolling off the sofa, Sigyn fell to her knees. She ignored Eir's surprised exclamation and pushed herself to her feet to stumble into the bathroom.
One hand clutched around her stomach, she dropped onto her knees and emptied her meager dinner into the ivory bowl. It burned on its return trip, tears pricking her eyes and sweat beading along her hairline.
Her entire head felt on the brink of bursting like a ripe melon on the sun. Her stomach also decided to practice cartwheels and she dry heaved into the bowl when her body offered nothing else to release.
Spine tingling, she barely heard Eir enter the bathroom and squat beside her. The head healer placed a hand between Sigyn's shoulder blades and brushed strands of loose, sweaty hair from her face.
"You should rest," Eir said, her gentle voice breaking through the ringing in her ears. "I will find another healer to assist me."
"But—" A blinding pulse in her head cut off Sigyn's protest, and she pressed her palms into her temples to ease the pain.
Beside her, Eir tried her best to comfort her, but not even the healer's magic could relieve the ailment. Exhausted, Sigyn curled into a ball, her head in her hands, shaking from the fire scorching her nervous system.
"Sigyn?" a quiet voice said.
Both Sigyn and Eir turned to see Loki standing in the doorway, his hand holding onto the doorframe for balance.
Through blurry vision, Sigyn could still see his unnatural paleness, splashed with a hint of red from remnants of the fever. His hair fell to his shoulders in sweaty tangles. Dressed only in loose-fitting pants, he looked extremely frail.
"Are you alright?" Loki asked, worrylines creasing along his forehead.
"You should not be standing," Eir said, her attention split between the prince at the door and the healer at her feet.
Loki frowned, managing a small eye-roll. "I do not answer to you."
"You are in my care, and therefore, under my domain," Eir said, standing. "Go lay down."
Loki ignored her, and despite having experienced a near-fatal fever mere hours ago, pushed past Eir's attempts to stop him. He shook off the healer's hand and crouched at Sigyn's side. Using the sink as support, he lowered himself to her level and sat cross-legged.
"How are you feeling?" Loki asked, his voice calm and gentle with no hint of snark previously aimed at Eir.
Sigyn groaned in response. She didn't complain when Loki wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to rest her head on his chest.
Over Sigyn's head, Loki said to Eir, "Leave us."
"I will not."
"We're fine."
"I will be the judge."
Loki shifted and although she couldn't see his face, Sigyn could tell he rolled his eyes again. "Thor might wake soon. He requires your attention."
Finally, Eir listened and with a quiet huff, left the two to sit on the cold tiled bathroom floor. When Eir disappeared, Loki relaxed and leaned against the sink, his chin resting on Sigyn's head.
In her current position, curled in Loki's arms and ear pressed into his chest, she could hear his heartbeat. The healer part of her reminded her to count the beats to ensure no further complications.
His pulse held steady, and despite the chill in the air and coolness seeping from the tiles into her clothes, she felt warm in his embrace. Oddly enough, her headache lessened and she could finally breathe without the urge to puke.
"You should listen to Eir," Sigyn muttered, her eyes slipping closed. Reaching to clutch at his clothes, she found nothing and rested her hand in the crook of her elbow.
"Perhaps you should do the same," Loki replied. His head moved, probably scanning her for any injuries. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I never said I was."
Loki let out a soft chuckle, the sound gently vibrating in his chest and slightly jostling Sigyn's aching head.
"Why are you here?" Loki asked a few minutes later.
"Helping Eir."
"Fine job you're doing with that." Loki shifted again, uncrossing his legs to splay them straight out and letting Sigyn lounge directly between them. "I thought you hated me."
Sigyn's heart tightened in her chest. Sure, she still had conflicted feelings about her relationship, but laying here, anchoring between his long legs and gentle arms holding her tight, she realized she missed him. The time they spent apart had bogged her down, like an invisible weight her heart no longer had the strength to bear.
"I never hated you," Sigyn admitted. Tears pooled in her eyes and she stared at the square tiles of the floor. "Upset, confused, frustrated? Of course. But I never hated you. I never will. I just...needed some time to think."
"And now?" Loki asked. His fingers ceased their gently dancing along her arm. "Are you only confessing your love because we are both ill? Is our romance truly dead?"
Sigyn paused. Thinking hurt more than just her head.
"I don't know..."
Idly, more out of habit than anything else, the hand not tucked in Loki's elbow played along the silver chain dangling from her neck. Fingers twisting the chain into loops, she pulled it out from under her top and trailed down to the silver heart-shaped locket at the end.
She stared down at the locket, thumb brushing over the Norse rune of love engraved in the center of a ring of raised flowers. The necklace had been a gift from Loki for Sigyn's birthday centuries ago. He had enchanted it with a protection spell—a gesture Sigyn, at the time, did not fully understand.
Now, skin tingling from the familiar hum of Loki's sedir contained in the silver heart, she realized the preciousness of the gift. Protection spells often were difficult to perform, especially for young sorcerers, and typically faded over time if not cast properly.
The spell, forever engrained in the very atoms of the metal, had stood the test of time and buzzed with the same amount of energy it had when Sigyn first clasped it around her neck.
Tears welled in Sigyn's eyes as she realized how much they had cared for each other. She had known no one else—had never been with anyone else. Most people would have instantly hated Loki because of what he did on Midgard, and many did. Still, Sigyn had known Loki long enough to notice something else—something sinister—lurking beneath the prince's cold actions. It often took a lot to bring out Loki's dark side, which Sigyn had only seen in person once when Odin...
When Odin threatened Loki's...
Separated the...
Erased their...
Sigyn shook her head, unable to break the barrier in her mind. The fog refused to dissipate, leaving her clutching empty air where something should be.
"You kept it," Loki said, and for a moment, it confused her.
Then Loki's fingers trailed along the silver necklace, his face unreadable as he stared at the locket.
Sigyn's eyes flicker at him and then down at the small, metal heart resting in Loki's open palm—her heart in his hands.
Sigyn pulled it from his hand and tucked it back under her top. "When we are both feeling better, we will have a very long, probably unpleasant conversation."
"I suppose it's only fair," Loki replied, tracking the necklace where it now lay hidden beneath the layers of her healer's uniform. His eyes met hers and he sighed.
Something flashed across his face and his jaw worked as if wanting to say more.
A shadow fell from the doorway, followed by a husky, "I assume everything is going well between you two?"
Sigyn looked over her shoulder to find Thor, his eyepatch missing, standing at the threshold. Behind him, Eir frowned, clearly unamused by the brothers' stubbornness.
"It's none of your business, Thor," Loki said, his tone hardening.
"How are you feeling?" Sigyn asked, trying to sound professional to smooth Loki's hostility.
"Not well enough to be anywhere other than in bed," Eir replied for him. "You need to go lay down. Loki and Sigyn, both of you, to bed." She pointed at the bedroom, her expression one of sternness like a mother chastizing her misbehaving children.
"I will manage," Thor said. His posture proved otherwise. His single eye roved over the couple on the bathroom floor, his empty eye socket would look unnerving for anyone who did spend most of their time around battle-mutilated patients. "Please tell me you both look rough because you're ill and not from doing something else."
Sigyn's mouth dropped agape at the suggestiveness, her cheeks flushing red.
"I think I preferred him when he was unconscious," Loki mused aloud. "Perhaps we can curse him into a permanent slumber."
Curse? That's...
Something suddenly clicked inside Sigyn's mind like the last puzzle piece falling into place. She slowly removed herself from Loki's grasp and ungracefully stood. A flare of pain behind her eyes joined in her body's protests from moving after sitting in one position for so long.
"A curse," Sigyn muttered, brushing her hair from her face and smoothing her wrinkled clothes. "Of course. It makes sense now."
"What makes sense?" Thor asked.
Sigyn glanced between the brothers, reading the confusion on their faces. "Have you had any symptoms before Loki's attack? Anything unusual?"
"Not really," Loki frowned. Thor shrugged in agreement.
Eir raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you implying, Sigyn?"
Sigyn met her supervisor's gaze and spread her arms as wide as her body allowed without throwing off her balance. "Curses don't always have physical symptoms. They can cause certain feelings, such as…"
"Dread. A sense of something wrong or off," Loki interrupted, groaning when he stood. "Curses can affect psychological thinking and feelings, such as planting false memories."
"Or suppressing memories," Sigyn suggested.
Loki's eyes widened and Eir's brow furrowed in thought.
"Do nightmares count as a symptom?" Thor asked and frowned when Sigyn nodded.
"Nightmares?" Eir queried. She stepped into the group and started ushering them towards the bedroom. "Only the strongest curses can alter memories, and it takes a lot of power to cast one. The stronger the curse, the worse the side effects and the harder it is to remove. Often, curses only lift once the caster passes away."
Sigyn dropped heavily onto the sofa, Loki not quite touching her this time. Thor took the bed while Eir stood between them like an unofficial mediator.
"I find it unlikely all three of you were cursed by the same person," Eir said. "I do not know of anyone who would, let alone be strong enough to do so. Very few have access to dark magic and—"
"Father used dark magic to send me to Midgard when Loki...reappeared," Thor said, drawing all eyes toward the younger prince.
Loki glared at Thor and folded his arms over his chest, the blanket he had taken from the bed slipping to expose part of his collarbone.
"In case you have forgotten, Odin is dead," Loki said bluntly. "It's not..."
Loki suddenly sat up straight, his eyes widening. "Thor, when did the nightmares begin?"
Thor blinked, reared his head back, and then paused. "I...uh...shortly after Father passed..."
"Same here," Loki said. He turned to stare at Sigyn. "What of you? This headache you have surely is not a random occurrence."
Sigyn stammered and hugged herself to calm her nerves. The headache still pulsed in her skull and she rubbed a hand over her face to clear her thoughts.
"I don't know exactly when, but it was not far from when Hela first arrived on Asgard." She focused on Loki, her expression turning serious. "Did she seem familiar to you?"
"Hela has not been on Asgard before," Eir interrupted. "At least not since I have been alive. It is impossible—"
"Unless you're also cursed," Loki pointed out. He spread his arms, the blanket falling around him like a cloak. "Think about it, we all have similar symptoms occurring around the same time—roughly when Odin died. It's not out of the realm of possibility."
Eir frowned. "I have not seen many curses in my lifetime, and certainly never from the All-Father himself. You cannot be accusing the late king of cursing us!"
Thor held up a hand to placate the healer. "From what I have seen and recently learned about my father, I wouldn't dismiss the theory just yet. As much as I hate the thought of it, it is the only theory we have."
He motioned for Loki to continue.
Loki nodded in thanks and faced the head healer while keeping Sigyn in his line of sight. "Thor and I have already discussed sharing similar nightmares—dreams we believe are more than tricks of the mind but more like memories." He looked at Sigyn again. "I wonder if you have experienced anything of the sort?"
The entire room went silent as all eyes turned to her, waiting for her response.
In truth, Sigyn had no idea what to believe. The possibility of being cursed by Odin himself did seem plausible, but she had no idea why. Her nightly dreams only worsened when Hela appeared out of nowhere, announced her relation to Odin and the throne, and slaughtered the Einherjar.
Hela's arrival unraveled something inside Sigyn's head, leaving her to sort through the mess. Any attempts to make sense of the images in her head went nowhere and she had been too busy tending to the injured when they escaped Hela's wrath by hiding in the mountains to think about why her mind suddenly went haywire.
To make matters worse, whenever she grabbed hold of an image, it always slipped free and skated away out of her reach. The fog waxed and waned, sometimes allowing her to catch less blurry glimpses and other times completely obscuring her view.
Last night had been the worst bout of it, and if she had known her symptoms were something more than stress, then she would have mentioned it to Eir sooner.
Sigyn hugged herself tighter, staring at the floor to ignore the room's attention. "I don't know. I cannot make much sense of it, but occasionally the dreams repeat or dance around like my brain is trying to organize them into chronological order. One of them stands out the most—about a serpent."
"Jormungandr, the Midgard Serpent," Eir said. "He does not exist."
Sigyn shook her head. "I know him; I can feel it."
"If the human myths were true, then Loki would also be Hela's father," Eir countered.
"I think I am," Loki said, and those four simple worse silenced every sound in the room. Tension enveloped them in a tight embrace, threatening to squeeze out their life forces if they could not resolve the situation.
"Odin would not do such a thing," Eir said, the first to speak. "He is—"
"A manipulative liar," Loki interrupted. "He lied about my adoption—lied about Hela. He knew how to use dark magic, and if all three of us have the same memories shortly after Odin died, then it stands to reason Odin is the cause."
Eir didn't look convinced. Only Thor's presence stopped her from fully devolving into an argument and questioning Loki's credibility.
Loki looked at Thor for assistance. "Think about it. Hela appeared right after Odin died. He tied his life to her banishment. When he died, the spell holding her released and we suddenly started having unusual dreams." To Eir, he said, "You said it yourself, curses are often only lifted when the caster dies. Whatever curse he put on us vanished when he died, the same way I also felt stronger, like a dam had broken inside me."
"Like the surge of energy in the casino on Kiston," Thor muttered.
Loki nodded. "I could never do anything like that before. And if this same curse is affecting all of us, Eir included, then I do believe it could also be affecting every Asgardian still alive. We just happen to have the worst of it because Odin decided to cast it to directly affect us—because of me."
"You are making wild assumptions," Eir said. She looked at Thor, probably expecting him to intervene. "All three of you are tired and require rest. Do not strain yourselves thinking about this. As the lead healer of Asgard, I am confining you, for the time being, to bed."
To Sigyn, she added, "Sigyn, you are off duty until I clear you."
Sigyn opened her mouth to protest and Loki looked ready to continue arguing, but Thor held up a hand.
"Eir is right. We are all exhausted and worrying about this when we have little proof will do nothing to help. We will continue this conversation later."
Eir extended a hand to Sigyn, and reluctantly, she allowed her supervisor to pull her to her feet. Loki remained silent as Sigyn walked out of the room, leaving the brothers alone.
Out in the hallway, Sigyn said nothing as she let Eir lead her. The headache still buzzed under the surface, a little quieter not but strong enough to remind her of its presence. Eir's strong hands guided her through the hallways, paying no attention to anyone they passed.
When they reached a secluded area, Eir stopped Sigyn and turned her to place her hands on her shoulders.
Sigyn met her eyes and frowned in confusion.
"Sigyn, I say this because you are one of my best healers and I do not want this distracting you from your duties," Eir said, her lips thin and stern. "I would strongly encourage you to stay away from Loki. His lies are tightly woven and extremely difficult to escape. I do not want to see you fall into his trap."
Sigyn's brow furrowed in slight frustration. The past few hours weighed heavily on her mind, and she couldn't shake the feeling they were on the verge of a breakthrough—probably a horrendous breakthrough but an important one nonetheless.
"You were present at Thor's birth, were you not?" Sigyn questioned.
Eir nodded. "Of course. I have served the royal family long before you were born."
A surge of defiance welled inside her and she held her chin up, feeling stronger now a sense of conviction flowed within. "Frigga never gave birth to Loki. Did Odin swear you into secrecy when he first brought Loki home?"
Eir blinked, her hands leaving Sigyn's shoulders. Her gaze drifted somewhere into the middle distance.
"I do not...remember..." She paused, shaking her head. "Surely, I would have known Frigga never delivered Loki, but I do not recall what happened when Odin..."
Point proved, Sigyn interrupted, "Then the chance of Odin cursing us is all the more possible. Why else would he lie to his most trusted healer about his son's origins if not for deception? If you do not remember how Loki first arrived, then do not claim Odin has done nothing wrong."
At that, Sigyn pushed past Eir and strode away, leaving her supervisor to contemplate her words.
This whole curse fiasco was getting worse by the minute.
Eir appears in Thor: The Dark World when she is trying to help Aether-infected Jane. In Norse mythology, she is also the goddess of healing and medicine.