AN: I'm back :3

Not to worry, Wendy and Matt will end up together…once he gets home that is :3

Again, thanks for the support, it means a lot to me!

And again, not to worry, Matthew WILL be able to fly and teleport soon.

…C-I-P-H-E-R…

Chapter Thirty-Five: Quick and Witty

When Mabel and Dipper woke up the next morning, they were not greeted with the scent of their brother's baking, it was the scent of Stan's burnt Stancakes.

Looking to his side, Dipper saw Matthew's bed neatly spread.

"I guess he's already up," Mabel decided, realising the same thing Dipper did at the same time.

The twins got ready and walked downstairs to the sound of Stan humming to himself.

"Hey, kids! How are you?" Stan asked cheerfully…a little too cheerfully. Dipper grew slightly suspicious but Mabel just grinned.

"We're cool, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel chirped. "Where's Mad Hatter?"

"Uh…who?" Stan asked, getting slightly sweaty.

"Matthew. That's one of his nicknames, you knew that, didn't you, Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asked.

"Um, yeah sure it is! Haven't seen the kid around, nope!" Stan said serving the Stancakes.

"Um, Grunkle Stan? Are you okay?" Dipper asked with a frown.

"Yeah, why you ackin' so cray-cray?" Mabel asked.

"I-I, uh…NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE!" Stan cried, running out of the kitchen.

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look while Stan dashed out of the shack, panting.

One part of him saying, "Hey, Stan? You should totally tell them."

Another, louder, part of him said. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL THEM!"

What the H was he supposed to say? "Hey, kids? You know your brother? The guy you've been looking up to for years? Well, he got sucked into a giant nerd portal thing-a-ma-bob and he isn't coming back 'till further notice, okay?"

Ha, yeah right. He didn't even know if Matthew was alive or dead. On top of that, they'd probably hate him and blame him for what happened…though again, if he hadn't felt like giving up, Matthew wouldn't've offered to help, and he wouldn't've got sucked up.

Just like if he hadn't tried to burn Stanford's precious journal, the nerd wouldn't've gone berserk, leading to him getting sucked up.

Stan sighed. His dad was right, he was a screw up.

…C-I-P-H-E-R…

Matthew crossed his legs in front of Ford who had kicked over a large black pawn. He took out a canteen of…something and a lighter before pouring a bit of the canteen's contents on the pawn, finally, he turned the lighter on, and the pawn ignited.

"What is that?" Matthew asked. "It doesn't smell like gasoline."

"Oh…you don't want to know, trust me. Though it does make excellent fuel for fire," Ford said, holding out his hands to the embers. Matthew held out his hands as well.

"So, um, what's up with the galaxy thing?" Matthew asked.

"Galaxy…? Ah! You mean the rift?" Ford took out the perfume bottle with the rift inside of it. Matthew felt something inside him tug towards the rift. His hands shook as he reached out slowly…

"Don't touch!" Ford said, putting the rift back in his pocket. "It could be catastrophic if it shatters."

"Oh, um, it just…looks cool," Matthew said with an uneasy smile.

"Pretty," Ford agreed. "Though very, very, very deadly."

"Right, why, exactly?" Matthew asked. He figured the more questions he asked, the less chance there was of him accidently slipping up information he shouldn't have known. He was supposed to be Sherman's scared and confused grandson who didn't know what the heck was happening. Knowing why the rift was dangerous when he already established that he had no idea who Bill Cipher was could be a formula for Dead Man Matt.

Ford's eyes darkened, though he said nothing.

"Touchy subject?" Matthew said.

Ford nodded silently. Before looking up at Matthew. His brown eyes looking red in the fire light. "Perhaps we should—."

There was a rumbling sound and the duo's head snapped up in attention.

The large black pawn that was on the floor stood up, growing arms and legs, and an angry looking face. Matthew was about to call for his flames, but remembered he was trying to keep his identity a secret. And if Sixer saw blue fire? Oh, he'd be screwed.

Matthew clenched his fists as Ford took out his gun pointed it at the pawn. That's when the entire pieces of the large chess board got up as well, growing arms and legs, there simple figures becoming chiseled. The queens and kings beginning to look like moving statues, the knights looking like actual knights, the castles looking like castles and so on.

Ford swore under his breath as he pointed at multiple pieces, as if not knowing which one to shoot at first.

"Trespassers," The white king growled.

"We didn't mean to!" Matthew said, inwardly gritting his teeth. If he didn't have to play the sacred-to-death-and-curious teenager in front of Ford, he would've had those dumb chess pieces cowering in fear!

"That's what they all say!" A black castle barked.

Ford stood in front of Matthew protectively and Matthew fought the urge to snap and tell Ford that he didn't need protection.

"We didn't know this was your land," Ford answered. "Now if you'd just let us leave…"

"Ha! Leave?!" The pawn they had been burning demanded. "You burnt me!"

"Hey, we didn't know you were an animate object!" Matthew objected.

"So, what? It's cool to burn chess pieces even if they're not?" The pawn said.

"Well…they have no feelings so…"

"Quiet, kid!" Ford hissed, and Matthew bit his tongue to avoid letting out a snarky remark.

"Psh, none of the less, you were trespassing," A black queen said. "And so, you shall die."

The chess pieces charged at the two Pines. "This way!" Ford told Matthew as he dodged blows from the chess pieces.

"Can you stop telling me what to do?!" Matthew snapped, not being able to hold his tongue anymore.

Ford glared at him from behind his shoulder. "Do you want to die?! I've been dimension hopping a lot longer than you, kid!"

That's what you think. Matthew sneered in his head. But by then, he had luckily controlled his tongue again.

A white queen sword blocked their path, and a castle jumped behind them, two knights blocking their sides.

"Move!" Ford barked pointing his gun again. "If you don't I swear I'll—!"

The queen knocked Ford's gun out of his hand and it slid across the large chess board.

"Ah, humans," The white king said. "Always so…entertaining."

There was a humming in Matthew's bones, coming from behind the white queen, he could feel space itself tearing open. A portal was opening. He didn't know how he knew, but it would open in twenty seconds.

But we'd never make it if we ran for it…

Matthew's eye widened as a light bulb lit up in his head, he smirked. Ha, Eureka.

"Let's make a deal," He said finally. Matthew saw Ford tense at the choice of words, he gave Matthew a look that was nothing other than suspicion.

"A deal?" The white queen asked.

"You guys like entertainment?" Matthew asked.

"Sure, we do!" The black pawn barked. "We like entertainment, don't we?"

The other pieces muttered in agreement.

"So…how about a little game of chess?" Matthew asked.

"How're you supposed to play chess? We're far bigger than the two of you combined!" The white king laughed.

"Well…I'm good at games, choose a game, and we'll play. We win, you let us go, we lose, you can kill us, so I guess you can, I don't know, turn around and, um, talk?" Matthew said.

"I said quiet, kid!" Ford hissed.

"Yes, alright," The black king chuckled. "Let us talk…"

The chess pieces huddled and whispered amongst each other.

Matthew grunted as Ford grabbed him by the shirt and shook him. "You're gambling our lives here, boy! What on Earth were you thinking?"

"Your question makes no sense, we're not on Earth, one, and two, could you quit calling me 'boy' and 'kid'? I have a name! Besides…" Matthew whispered, "I'm going to double-cross them."

Ford furrowed his brow. "Now how on Earth are you going to accomplish that?"

"A portal's going to open up in, three…two…one…now."

Ford was about to open his mouth when something tore through the air, illuminating their faces in red.

"A portal," Ford breathed in surprise. "How did you—?"

"I know lots of things," Matthew shrugged before cringing at what he had said. Once more, Ford looked at him suspiciously. It was obvious that the old scientist wasn't convinced that Matthew wasn't Bill Cipher, but he was still alive, so he assumed Ford wasn't sure if he was Bill Cipher either.

Still, he needed quit slipping. It was okay around the twins, Wendy, and Soos, they knew already. It was also okay around Stan, Pacifica, and others because as far as he knew, they didn't know who Bill Cipher was. But Ford?

Oh, heck no.

Though he couldn't exactly blame Ford for wanting him dead, heck, if Stan didn't want him home so badly Matthew would have probably killed Ford for embarrassing him in Weirdmageddon.

"Well?" Matthew murmured, the chess pieces still conversing.

Ford gave Matthew one last suspicious look before speed walking towards the portal.

"Hey!" One of them barked.

The duo took off at a full sprint towards the red portal.

"Stop them!" The white king roared.

Matthew and Ford jumped through just as the portal sealed shut, leaving a bunch of chess pieces behind as both teen and old man landed in a brown lake.

"ARGH! I can't swim!" Matthew hollered in panic.

"Relax," Ford chuckled, standing up. "It's shallow."

Matthew blushed slightly before standing up wiping the brown substance from his hair.

"What is this?" Ford murmured just as Matthew licked the brown liquid from his fingers. Ford made a noise of disgust. "Why would you do that?! That could be feces for all we know!"

"Chocolate."

"What?"

"It's chocolate," Matthew said.

Ford licked gingerly from his hand as well and smacked his lips. "It is…" he said in surprise.

The duo looked up, seeing candy canes, jaw breakers and what not decorating the licorice grass, living gummy worms crawled all over.

"Ha, Mabel will be so jealous," Matthew said.

"Mabel?" Ford asked.

Matthew's smile flattered slightly. "My little sister."

He took in a deep breath. "I'll get back to her though."