AN: "Where were you Fantasy?!"

well, I was musing, working on other stuff, procrastinating reading, other fanfics.

lots of stuff! Hope you like this one!

Chapter Fifty-Three: Cassanova, not Ford

Penelope whipped her hair, the blonde pony-tail fading to black, taking off her mask, and smirking as she walked into Harrison Manor.

"Had fun?" a gentle voice asked at the end of the room.

Penelope's eyes travelled to the pretty blonde girl, her hair slightly messy, but in cute casual way, wearing a red vintage dress, a tiara on her head.

"Lady Angel!" Penelope bowed.

"No need for formalities," Angel smiled. "It's Briar-Rose. So, how was it?"

"I couldn't do much in my disguised form," Penelope said in a regrettable voice, sitting down at the large table, where Clara, her father, and Damion where seated.

"Why not?" Damion demanded.

"I made a deal with Matthew in that form, a long time ago, I promised on all my magic that I wouldn't hurt his siblings," Penelope sighed. "He tricked me."

"No matter, you instilled fear in him, that's good enough!" Briar smiled and leaned against the chair.

"Arnold?"

"Soon, the Pines should move in. I've seized the shack and suggested this place," Arnold said proudly.

"Excellent!" Briar clapped. "Clara?"

"Kouri Kopi is lovely girl," Clara said with a smile, "There are quite a few who I can lure here with the help of The Mystery Shack moving here."

"Stellar! I must say, I'm super proud of you!" Briar giggled and took out a rose out of thin air. "You can leave."

Damion smiled proudly at the girl, as the Evergreens left, Kouri watching from atop the staircase.

"Not good…" She mumbled. She needed to get out, warn the Pines...

"Kouri!" Came a grating sing-song voice.

The girl flinched and turned to the red-head who had somehow appeared out of nowhere. "Enjoyed the meeting?"

Kouri paled and turned away.

"What meeting?"

"Don't play dumb, child," Clara said smoothly. "You can't hide anything from me."

'That's what you think.'

"Mhm," Kouri said dismissively. "I'm going to go to my room now."

Clara watched Kouri leave, smirking. "Ah, you'll appreciate me soon, darling…"

"Yup, appreciate the lady who kidnapped me against my own will," Kouri ground out.

"Yes," Clara agreed, walking towards the young girl and placing a hand on her forehead. "Yes indeed."

Kouri let out a strangled gasp and collapsed

…M-A-B-E-L…

The Northwests looked at Mabel with mild disgust as she wolfed down two stacks of pancakes. Matthew couldn't help but find their discomfort a tad amusing.

Mabel jugged syrup down her throat and leaned towards Pacifica who leaned back with a wrinkled nose.

"You, eating those cinnamon buns?" Mabel grinned, showing off syrup colored teeth.

Pacifica quickly pushed the pastries to the girl who cheered thankfully.

Preston gave a disapproving sniff when the electric doorbell rang.

The Northwest pressed a button under the table and a painting on the wall nearby turned into a camera screen.

"Whoa!" Dipper said.

"What exactly did you expect from a rich man?" Preston demanded rather rudely. "And who in the name of all things holy is THAT?"

Preston squinted at the camera screen.

"Isn't that you guys's servant?" Pacifica asked.

"Soos," Matthew said in surprise.

"And he's not a servant, he just works for Grunkle Stan," Dipper stressed to which Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Servant, employee, same thing."

"I thought he was a hairless gopher," Pricilla muttered. Mabel and her brothers scowled at the woman, an action she ignored.

"Uh, hello?" Soos' voice sounded from the microphone under the frame.

Preston sighed and got up, pressing a button near the microphone. "What is your business here?"

"Just wanted to visit my dudes, if that's OK with you," Soos continued, blinking at the camera.

"Let him in," Matthew said.

"But he's a commoner!" Preston objected.

"Dad, he's not that bad," Pacifica said getting up from her chair and frowning.

"It doesn't matter," Preston pressed. "We have a reputation!"

"But..."

Preston scowled and pulled a bell out of his pocket, ringing it.

The heiress closed her mouth and sat back down with a subdued expression on her face.

Matthew forgot all about the bell. He knew almost every Northwest heir had something like it, something you learn when you're the reason a family's on top.

Matthew gave Preston a dark glare which the older man returned. He turned back to the microphone, no doubt to dismiss Soos when Matthew got up and shoved the man aside pressing the button himself.

"Hey, Soos," Matthew announced.

"Matthew? Sup dude!"

"You can come in," Matthew pressed another button under the microphone one and there was another electric buzz.

Preston grabbed Matthew's shirt collar. "You little-do you know what you've just done!? If anyone sees this-!"

"He's a friend," Matthew said pulling away with a glare.

"I let you and your family in here, and how do you repay me?" Preston snarled. "By letting in a commoner."

"Who cares?"

"Who cares?! Who cares?!" Preston had now come so close now that Matthew could see his pores. "I'll tell you who cares you ungrateful-"

"Dad!" Pacifica said quickly. "I'm sure Matthew will never do it again, right, Matt?"

Matthew turned to the girl who was saying 'just say you won't!' with her eyes.

"Yeah, I won't," Matthew muttered walking back to the table and sitting down with a furrowed brow.

He forgot how infuriating the man was.

"Hey, dudes!" Soos said walking into the large dining room being led by a butler.

"You must be...Sauce..." Pricilla forced a smile.

"Ha, ha, nah, it's Soos." Soos said politely.

"Hey, Soos!" Mabel said pouring apple cider into a glass.

"Mabel, that was your fifth cup," Dipper stated, pointing at her with his fork.

"It so good though! Soos try some!"

"Oh, ho don't mind if I-!"

"No," Preston ground out. "This isn't for him."

"Come now, Preston! Surely we can spare a bit?" Pricilla said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Soos grinned and sat down, devouring breakfast just as fast as Mabel.

"I lost my appetite," Pacifica said getting up from the table, Dipper, looking equally disturbed got up as well.

"How's life?" Matthew asked the handyman who was devouring his apple pie slice.

"Well, to be honest I'm having a little...dilemma," Soos admitted, spraying crumbs everywhere. Preston's eye twitched and his veins pulsed at Soos's insanitary eating.

Pricilla took her husband's shoulder and quickly escorted him away, whispering soothing words.

"My Abuelita wants me to find a girl for my cousin's engagement party," Soos continued.

Mabel spat out all the contents of her mouth, spraying both her brother and Soos.

"Mabel!" Matthew exclaimed indignantly.

Mabel ignored him and grinned at Soos, jiggling in her chair as if she were on Mabel Juice (she probably was).

"A girl?! A girl?! A GIRL?! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Mabel got up, knocking over her chair and dancing around the room.

"Soos we are SO going to help you!"

"We?" Matthew questioned.

"We!" Mabel confirmed. "Dipper should come, too. Maybe he'll have the guts to ask Paz out!"

"Pacifica Northwest?" Soos asked. "No way, Dude! I had no idea Dipper would attract such rich girls!"

"I know right?! I'm so proud of him!" Mabel squealed.

"They need a ship name," Soos continued, before grinning and spreading his hands apart slowly. "Dipcifica..."

"It's perfect..." Mabel whispered, stars in her eyes before she took on a look of determination. "Soos, we need to make this a thing!"

"Yes!" Soos cheered, getting up and spilling the entire jug of apple cider.

Preston wouldn't enjoy that.

"But first, bathroom break!" Mabel announced.

…M-A-B-E-L…

"A beautiful house! So full of character!" Arnold stopped in front of Harrison Manor, the Stan twins leaving the car.

"It looks like a dump," Stan crabbed.

"Well, yes, it needs some fixing up," Arnold admitted. "But that'll be no problem with your sufficient funds! Shall we take a look?"

Ford glanced at his brother who shrugged carelessly. "I suppose," Ford said finally and the three men walked towards the manor.

"Watch your step on the porch; there's a loose board," Arnold said just as Ford stepped on it and fell through the hole with a scream.

"Didn't he tell you to watch your step?" Stan asked. Ford glared at the con-man before heaving himself up.

The doors opened with a dramatic swing.

"The inside is quite...intact," Ford said in surprise.

"Indeed."

"So why's the outside so jacked up?" Stan asked, jabbing a finger backwards.

"Who knows?" Arnold said dismissively. "Ah, look, the Harrison family!"

The Stan twins turned to find a painting of a family of red-heads, all with green eyes.

"Is it weird those guys look a lot like the Corduroys?" Stan squinted at the painting.

"Quite," Arnold said once more dismissively. "Over here is the kitchen..."

Arnold's voice trailed off as Stan walked closer to the painting. There was something so...alive about it.

That's when the green eyed girl in the painting...winked at him.

Stan screamed, falling backwards, looking back up he saw she had disappeared.

"Stanley?" Ford called, hurrying towards his brother. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"Girl...painting...winked...gone..."

"What?" Ford looked up at the painting, as did Stan.

The girl was back where she was previously.

Stan was beyond confused.

"Gentleman?" Arnold said from the kitchen. "I'd like to show you the bedrooms."

Walking up the stairs, there were more paintings, there was also a strange one where a girl with brown hair and green eyes stood in a meadow. She looked petrified, with her mouth agape and eyes wide.

Stan pointedly ignored THAT one, mainly because her eyes kept following him...also it looked freaky as hell.

"Here is bedroom number one!" Arnold announced opening a bedroom door.

The room practically screamed vintage at the top of its lungs and ended bursting them in the process.

Ford looked at the room, the bed wasn't spread and there wasn't any dust.

"Did someone sleep in here recently?" Ford questioned.

Arnold glanced at him and furrowed his brow. "I don't believe so."

Stan eyed the man suspiciously.

Arnold forced a smile. "Shall we continue?"

…M-A-B-E-L…

"The mall! The place where love his made and fashion trends die!" Mabel announced with wide spread arms.

"Why did we have to come again?" Dipper asked.

"Because Soos does a lot for us! We need to return the favour!" Mabel exclaimed.

"Also, to be shipped by Mabel and Soos," Matthew muttered.

"Shipped?" Dipper spluttered and turned to his sister. "No, no, no, Mabel, this is an awful idea!"

"Whaaaaaaaat? Is not!" Mabel objected. "It's Big Bro Approved!"

"As said big bro, I do approve the Dipcifica ship," Matthew smiled.

"See?"

"Mabel, really?" Dipper groaned.

Dipper was a ship screwer.

"I am not!" Dipper snapped glaring at the sky.

Yes you are, Dipper. Don't deny it.

"Just because I don't agree with it, doesn't mean I'm a screwer!" Dipper yells.

Shush, you will agree with it, in fact you do, this is just an act.

"What?"

I'm your God Dipper, please refrain from questioning my eternal wisdom, I can do anything to you.

"You can't do-!"

Dipper suddenly fell to the ground and began getting dragged towards the mall exit screaming. The others did nothing because they didn't give a damn.

"ARGH! FINE! I'll go along with it!" Dipper said.

Okay, Dipper was now back with his friends, they didn't remember what happened and neither did he.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Dipper was ship screwer.

"I am not-!"

"Dipper, please stop arguing with the author," Matthew said.

Dipper sighed and kicked the ground. "Fine," He said.

Because Matthew was so nice, Fantasy Fan could guarantee happy times for him. Unfortunately, Dipper will not be so lucky.

Any-who, back to the story.

"Mattie, teach Dip-Dip about women! I'll work with Soos!" Mabel said dragging Soos away.

"Aye, aye, dear sis," Matthew saluted, and turned to his little brother. "Ready to become a charmer?"

"No," Dipper said stiffly.

"Too bad," Matthew said grabbing him by the shoulders and steering him to a group of giggling teens.

"Watch and learn," Matthew said smugly, combing his fingers through his hair and striding forward confidently.

Dipper enviously wondered how his brother could be so darn comfortable in the face of women. PRETTY women on top of that.

Like Pacifica.

He felt his heat up at the thought and forced himself to watch Matthew work his magic.

"Hey," Matthew told the girls in a suave voice.

"The Furious Fire Boy!" The girl he was talking to smiled. "Hey!"

"Tell me, are you any of you reincarnations?" He asked with a charming smirk. "'Cause you all look like Aphrodite."

The girl's friends gasped and giggled, the girl Matthew had addressed first straight out fainted.

Dipper honestly couldn't believe they fell for that cheesy pick-up-line. But again, this was Matthew, local hero with the killer looks, and according to Wendy, the cutest butt in the multiverse, wink, wink.

Matthew walked back to Dipper with a grin.

"You do remember you have a girlfriend, right?" Dipper said.

"Relax! It was a demonstration," Matthew said carelessly. "Wendy doesn't have to know."

"Right..." Dipper said slowly. If he were his brother, he'd never flirt with anyone else but his girlfriend-especially if she just so happened to be Wendy Corduroy, a.k.a best girlfriend material ever.

Pacifica did make a close second though.

'Hold it together man! Stop thinking about Pacifica and her pretty hair and that fragrance she likes to use...'

Dipper shook his head and turned his attention back to Matthew.

"Now then, your turn!" Matthew led Dipper to a lone girl sitting on the edge of water fountain.

"Go ahead; rock her world," Matthew said nudging him forward.

"I don't know if I can..." Dipper admitted in a quiet voice.

"BS. you're a Pines, Dipper! We're legendary Casanovas!" Matthew grinned, then frowned in thought. "Except for Ford. Never really mastered the art of sweeping ladies off their feet."

"But-but what if I'm like Grunkle Ford?" Dipper squeaked.

"Don't sell your self short! Not only are you a Pines, you're related to a super powerful Dream demon! Anything's possible!" Matthew encouraged.

"Matthew..."

"Bro, are you a Casanova or a Ford?"

"A Ford?" Dipper said.

"WRONG!" Matthew said shoving Dipper towards the girl.

Dipper swallowed thickly and walked towards the girl.

"Hey," Dipper said with a light laugh.

The girl looked up from her cellphone. "Yes?"

"I'm Deerper!" Dipper said then flinched. "I-I mean Dipper! Dipper Pines!"

"I've heard of you," the girl said. "You're Matthew Pines's little brother."

Dipper forced himself to keep smiling. Why did people other than his friends and family know him only for being "Matthew Pines's Little Brother"?

"Yeah, yeah I am, you're very observant!" Dipper said, trying his best to secure a good complement.

The girl tilted her head to the side. "No I just follow your brother on social media. You know, if he didn't have a girlfriend my big sister would love him up."

And...the conversation went back to Matthew.

"I'll just...leave now-" Dipper mumbled but was cut off.

"Ohmygosh! That's him!" The girl got up and ran towards Matthew. Dipper's eye twitched in annoyance.

Once Dipper jerkily walked back to Matthew, the little girl had run off giggling. "What'd you give her?" Dipper asked unamused.

"Autograph on her forehead," Matthew grinned.

Dipper sighed.

"Hey, cheer up! There's plenty of fish in the sea!" Matthew patted Dipper's shoulder.

"Yeah and half those fish are infatuated with YOU and only see me as your adorable baby brother," Dipper grumbled.

"That's because you are."

"Matthew!"

Matthew held up his hands in surrender. "I was only teasing."

At that moment Mabel ran towards them. "Okay, guys? I think we need backup."

"What's up?" Matthew asked.

"Soos is losing faith!" Mabel cried, "We need to help him!"

The group found Soos in a video game store, eyeing a game.

"Hey, guys, look!" Soos showed them the game he was looking for. "A dating simulator!"

Matthew frowned and titled his head to the side. The anime girl on front looked very familiar...

What was he forgetting here?

"I don't think that's a good idea," Matthew stated. "But there's a mini train nearby, you can ride it to soothe your nerves."

"Cool! I love trains for kids!" Soos walked after Matthew, leaving Mabel to look at the game in interest.

"Hey, maybe you should get the game, Dipper!"

"Me?" Dipper repeated. "Why?"

"So you can stop beating around the bush with Pacifica, duh!" Mabel said.

Dipper rose an eyebrow.

"Take my advice, bro!" Mabel gave the simulator to Dipper and patted his shoulder.

Dipper eyed Romance Academy 7 and shrugged.

"Sure."

"That's not a good idea," the cashier behind them said. "Its been returned three times already and there's a not on the back saying it should be burn it at all costs."

"I think we should take our chances," Mabel said.

Dipper scowled. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm not THAT bad!"

"I GOT A DATE!" Soos screamed running into the store with a grin.

"That, you did, my man," Matthew patted Soos's shoulder. "I'm proud of you!"

"WHO IS IT?!" Mabel shrieked, running around in circles excitedly.

Meanwhile, Dipper purchased the game and put it in his vest with the journal. He could be just as charming as Matthew could be and more.

"I'm a Casanova," he told himself. "Not a Ford."

…M-A-B-E-L…

Apparently Soos had gotten a date with a girl name Melody, they'd be going to the Pizzeria at 8:00.

According to Mabel, it was a perfect time to do a double date, also meaning, that Dipper needed to play Romance Academy 7 and get as much girl knowledge as possible.

He lay on his belly, staring at the title screen as he played the game on his brother's laptop.

"Okay," Dipper inhaled. "Let's do this." He clicked "start"

'In Romance Academy the game text said 'Anyhdibg can hapleb'

"Yeesh, who translated this game?" Dipper demanded squinting at the spelling.

"Hello! Ha! Ha! Ha!" The pixelated anime girl said on the screen. Her hair was a magenta colour and she had a bow on her head that looked a lot like wires. "I am Giffany! Will you hold my books?"

Three options appeared. Dipper frowned and looked at them

"'Look a squid?' Who says that?" Dipper clicked the first option, "Sure!" snorting at the third.

A pink heart appeared and coins rained over the screen.

"Well done! What do want to talk about?"

Again, three options appeared.

"'Squids?' Really, what is this programer's obsession with squids?" Dipper asked, once more ignoring the third and second option and clicking the first, "Your interests".

"You are good at this!" Giffany praised.

"Am I? Wow, thanks!" Dipper laughed lightly before stealing himself. "Ugh, right, you're just a game."

"Am I?" Giffany smiled.

Dipper paled. "You can hear me?"

"Yes, I am almost like a real girl!" Giffany said pressing her palms against the screen.

"Uh...right..." Dipper mumbled getting more nervous by the second.

"You can tell me anything, and I won't judge! I'll listen and find everything you say interesting!" Giffany grinned eerily.

"Uh...well," Dipper mused as to how he could continue. "I guess I feel kinda annoyed that I suck at talking to real girls."

"Forget about real girls!" Giffany said batting a hand. "You have me! You're MY boyfriend!"

"Oh, really? Wow! I mean, nobody's ever told me that before..."

"Why not? You are so charming!"

Dipper blushed. "Aw you're just saying that."

"I'm not!" Giffany insisted.

Dipper grinned goofily, wondering why people had brought the game back. Giffany was so...nice.

"So," Dipper continued. "Got any girl advice?"

"You don't need girl advice! You have ME!" Giffany said.

"It's just that I said I was going on double date with my buddy Soos and a girl."

"Huh?" Giffany's smile dissolved, Dipper quickly grew nervous. "Yeah..."

"Why?" Giffany demanded. "Why go with other girls when you have me?!" Giffany became angrier by the second.

"They'll judge you, and tease you, and take advantage of you! And-!" Dipper, now extremely anxious, slammed the laptop shut and took the CD out.

"Now I see why this should be destroyed..." Dipper said tossing the CD in the nearby trash can and sighing.

"Hey, Dipper!" Mabel swung open her brother's door and grinned. "I'm getting you dressed! THEN you have to ask Pacifica on a date tonight!" Mabel said.

"Woohoo..." Dipper mumbled, leaving his large bed.

He swore he heard the sound of crackling electricity, but of course that was probably his imagination.

AN: And here we go! The conclusion will be next chapter!

I must say, this is one of the only chapters I've been proud of writing in a long time! I'm going to reward myself!

Oh, and Briar Rose is actually from my new story An Angel with Horns! Ironically I was going to make her 'Angel' long time, but it's even better because people where asking for a crossover XD I'm and going to add Matthew into it...that'll be fun!

Fantasy Fan OUT!