Chapter 13 – Yoshida Ryo

The three of them were walking slowly on the grass path amongst the tombstones. Kisa was shaking. He could hardly breathe, and he felt dizzy as he was walking behind the old lady, completely staggered. Kisa-kun, she said just a moment ago. She knew his name. Which meant… that Kisa wasn't wrong.

He shot a glance back at Yukina. The brunet seemed confused and worried, and he was still silent. Kisa turned his gaze back at the path. He couldn't believe this was happening.

Soon, they stopped near a tombstone under a cherry tree. There was a woman standing in front of it, praying. Then she opened her eyes, sighed, and touched a petal on a flower in the bouquet.

"I had a feeling that it might have been you," the old lady said quietly, and the woman turned around.

Kisa's eyes widened. It was Kawashima Yoko.

"Good afternoon, Yoshida-san," she greeted the lady with a bow, and now Kisa remembered her name – Yoshida Ryoko. Kawashima then glanced at Kisa and Yukina. "I told you. You were familiar."

Kisa wasn't even able to nod. He just walked to the tombstone unsteadily, and stared at the name on it.

Yoshida Ryou

In loving memory of a beloved son. We will always remember you.

1989-2010

Kisa fell on his knees in front of the tombstone. He couldn't look anywhere else but at the name on the stone. Yoshida Ryou. It was his name. The ex that had left him ten years ago, and Kisa naively thought he had left him for no reason. But it seems like that wasn't the case.

Now someone touched his shoulder, and Kisa turned around. He couldn't hold his tears back anymore. He was shocked, sad, and mad because he had never known that the person he loved from the bottom of his heart, the person who he could hardly get over was dead, and actually had been for the past nine years.

"When I first saw you on the bus, I thought 'hey, this is him. I've finally found him after such a long time.' But then I wasn't so sure about it," Yoshida-san murmured as she kneeled next to Kisa. "But it was always in the corner of my mind, you know."

Kisa was sobbing. Loud and hard, so hard that he couldn't even breathe.

"Why?" Kisa cried as he touched the name on the tombstone. "How? How did he-?"

He wasn't able to say that last word. He just couldn't. And he couldn't believe that Yoshida Ryou had died. He had died, and until now, Kisa had no idea about it.

"Brain tumour," Yoshida-san replied. "By the time they diagnosed it, it was so bad that they couldn't save him."

Kisa didn't know what to say. He wanted to shout, scream, he wanted to punch one of those damn cherry trees to get rid of this huge amount of pain inside of him. Yoshida was such a good and lively person. Why did he have to die?

Why did he have to die all alone? With no one else but his parents on his side?

"Kisa…" Kawashima took a step closer, and she stretched her arm to touch Kisa's shoulder, but she stopped.

"You were one of his best friends, weren't you?" Kisa whispered. "Now I remember you, Kawashima."

The woman nodded with a sad smile.

"Nice to see you again. Well, not in these circumstances."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you sooner," Yoshida-san now said, and pulled Kisa into a hug. Kisa had let her. He couldn't really do anything. He felt paralysed. "I tried to find you after you and Ryou broke up, but… it was like your whole existence was erased from the surface of Earth."

Kisa knew what she was talking about. After he and Yoshida broke up, Kisa had moved to a different district of Tokyo, and never looked back. He made sure he didn't have to run into Yoshida ever again. And now he hated himself for doing so. If he didn't move away… Maybe he could have known about all this sooner. Maybe he wouldn't be suffering now, almost ten years later.

All the memories he had tried to hide in his unconscious had flown into his mind. He just couldn't stop crying as he remembered. The first time he met Yoshida. The first time they kissed. The first time they slept together. He remembered all this as if they happened just a day ago.

Kisa had always imagined Yoshida and himself being a perfect couple for an eternity. He used to fantasise about them living together in happiness. He used to imagine himself coming home and see Yoshida, see his smile, and hear the way he always said hi. Hear his voice.

And now Kisa was left with the memories where the last time he had heard Yoshida was ten years ago when they broke up.

"That moron…" he whimpered. "What the hell was he thinking?"

"I have something I should have given to you long ago," Yoshida-san whispered to Kisa. "If you're willing to come to my place…"

Kisa shook his head with teary-eyes.

"I… I just want to go home."

As he stood up, he almost fell, and Yukina had to hold him. He held him so tight that Kisa felt secure for a second. But he still couldn't stop crying.

"Come on, Kisa-san, I'll take you home," he said so gently that it gave Kisa goosebumps.

"What's your name?" Yoshida-san grabbed Yukina's arm, and he turned around.

"Yukina Kou, ma'am," he replied.

"Yukina Kou…" she repeated with a warm smile. "Please, take care of Kisa-kun. Take good care of him. He's such a good boy."

Kisa took a shaky breath as he looked up. Yukina nodded.

"I will, ma'am. I promise."

It was dark when they got back to Kisa's apartment. Kisa couldn't really do anything on his own, he was basically just walking without seeing where he was going. Yukina needed to guide him home as if he was a little kid being lost in his own dream world.

He collapsed onto his couch, sniffing, sobbing, coughing, nearly choking on his own tears. He could feel Yukina's glance on him, but he wasn't able to pay attention to him. Although he was aware that what had just happened twisted a lot of things.

Kisa wiped his face, and Yukina put a blanket on him.

"You should rest," he whispered. "I can come back later, if you-"

But Kisa grabbed his hand. He didn't even have the energy to squeeze Yukina's hand. He just held it softly, and Yukina sat down onto the edge of the couch.

"Don't… leave me," Kisa mumbled. "Just… don't."

Yukina nodded. And he planted a gentle kiss on Kisa's forehead.

Kisa hadn't really done anything in the next few days. At one point, Yukina asked him to get into bed because otherwise, Kisa wouldn't have left the couch. He was constantly staring at the wall or the ceiling. He had barely eaten or drank anything, not even when Yukina offered that he would cook whatever he wanted. He would constantly wake up from a dream, crying, and Yukina would always be there to hold him. Yukina also skipped several of his classes to be with Kisa, and Kisa hardly even noticed. His mind was somewhere else. The memories that Takano worked hard to help him bury in the corner of his mind were all on the surface again. And thinking back, thinking about Yoshida made him feel somewhat secure. As if his mind was a big bubble that kept the harsh reality out.

But also, there was a voice in his head. And this voice kept getting louder and louder with each passing day. You can't do this forever, it said. And Kisa had realised, even inside this bubble, that he had to face reality sooner or later.

He had to face facts – no matter how he looked at it, Yoshida would always be the past. Even if they hadn't broken up, it would have ended this way. The more Kisa had thought about it, the more he had realised that Yoshida probably didn't want him to be in pain while he was dying. It was logical. Kisa would have done the same. If this had been happening to him, he would have done the same to Yukina.

Sooner or later, Kisa had to face reality – that Yoshida wasn't coming back, ever. That Yoshida wasn't there anymore. That Kisa himself had got a life to live, and a young boy who was probably hurt to see his lover like this. That Yukina was suffering because Kisa was suffering.

A few days later someone knocked on the door. Yukina wasn't around that day, he had an important test to take. Kisa didn't really want to open the door. He knew he was looking horrible after spending the last god knows how many days crying and lying in bed, and he hadn't even really changed clothes.

With a sigh, he opened the door. It was Kawashima smiling at the door, but as soon as she took a look at Kisa, her smile faded.

"Oh, dear Lord, you look horrible," she mumbled.

"Yeah," Kisa raised an eyebrow sarcastically. "I wonder why."

"Of course, I'm so sorry, Kisa." Now Kawashima looked around. "May I come in? I have something for you."

Kisa nodded. He wasn't really in the mood for chatting, though. He wanted to be left alone, and Kawashima wasn't exactly the most silent type of person.

"So…?"

"Kisa, no offence though," Kawashima glanced around in his apartment, "But how low are you?"

Kisa didn't even bother to answer. He was sure they both knew the answer. Kawashima probably had no idea how he was feeling. How would she know?

"Okay, sorry, that was very rude of me," Kawashima took a step closer to Kisa, and handed him a little note book that she just got out of his bag. "This is for you. Yoshida-san wanted me to give it to you. She wanted you to read it, but in my honest opinion, you can do whatever you want to do with it."

Kisa frowned as he opened the notebook at a blank page.

"What is this, exactly?"

Just right then, the door opened slowly, and Yukina's figure appeared in the living room. He opened his mouth to greet Kisa, but then he noticed Kawashima, and he stopped midway.

"Uh, hello?" he said uncertainly.

"Hi there!" Kawashima greeted him with a smile and a wave. "Sorry for the bother anyway, I just wanted to… deliver this."

Kisa glanced back at the notebook. Then he remembered Yoshida-san's words. I have something I should have given to you long ago. Was it this thing?

"I mean, you're not bothering me," Yukina began as he walked a little closer to Kawashima and Kisa, "But… I think Kisa-san needs some more time to rest."

Kawashima nodded with a sad smile.

"I understand. And I'll be on my way home now." She headed towards the door, but she turned back halfway. "Seriously, the future of that thing is up to you."

And she left. Yukina seemed puzzled as he was standing next to Kisa. After what Yoshida-san said back there, Kisa wasn't sure he truly wanted to open up this notebook. But on the other hand, he wanted to know what was in there. Probably something about Yoshida. Or something from him.

"Everything okay?"

Kisa snapped back. He turned towards Yukina, and nodded slowly.

"I guess so."

"You should rest, Kisa-san."

Now Kisa looked at Yukina from head to toe. He sighed.

"So should you, moron."

But Yukina smiled and shook his head, and just a little part of Kisa wished that Yukina would be somewhat mad about this whole thing. He was so young, and such a little moron, how could he be so understanding? How could he be so… calm about this?

"I can't!" he said, and put a bag on the counter that Kisa had only just noticed. "I gotta take care of you, Kisa-san. I promised Yoshida-san that I would always look after you."

Kisa chuckled a little.

"Why?" he asked with a raspy voice.

Yukina glanced at him, and he was still smiling, although his face became a lot more serious.

"Because I love you. And you're grieving. I can't let you down. I can't leave you alone."

Kisa clenched his jaw to prevent it from shaking, but he couldn't really hold himself back. He slowly shook his head as he was staring at Yukina, his tears rolled down on his cheek. He was grieving, that was for sure. But nothing could take his love for Yukina away from him. Nothing. And no one.

A/N:

Well, this one took a very long time, huh.

Anyway, hello. Idk if anyone still follows this story, I honestly just want to finish it already. If you do follow though, gimme a sign please :heartemoji: A review, a like, anything. And if you give me a sign, thank you in advance :3 And thank you for reading, it means a lot. ^^