Chapter 2: The Service Club

Bambietta Basterbine-to me the name was synonymous with irritation. Up there with the likes of Hayato Hayama and Yukino Yukinoshita, she had earned quite the reputation at Sobu. Dubbed the "Bomb Queen", Basterbine was surprisingly well-liked, her admittedly good looks washing over her trash personality. A traumatic relic from my middle school days, it was still a mystery to me how an idiot like her managed to pass the entrance exam.

"A-Ahem" I look up to see Hiratsuka-sensei giving me a pointed look, clearly expecting introductions.

At least she didn't seem to notice the pretty blatant cheating going on.

"Sensei, this is Bambietta Basterbine, an acquaintance from middle school. Basterbine, this is Hiratsuka-sensei she's-" My introduction being cut off midway.

"Yeah, I know her. She teaches Japanese for my class too."

Huh-I didn't know Sensei also taught remedial classes…

"You know you look seriously gross whenever you space out like that."

"You know you sound seriously bitchy whenever you talk."

"Ugly freak."

"Dumb Bitch."

"Virgin loser"

"Slut."

Before our verbal spar can continue, a booming thud echoes throughout the room silencing us. Her fisted hand rested against the nearby desk, Hiratsuka glares at us sharply, eyes threatening retribution if either of us so much as challenged her.

"Enough" Sensei growls, her voice an odd mixture of irritation and amusement. "What exactly is the nature of your relationship?"

"Exploited and Exploiter."

"Master and Slave."

This bitch… There was a reason why she was a daily feature on my People to Kill list.

Sighing in exhaustion, I watch with sympathy as Hiratsuka-sensei massages her temple. She didn't get paid nearly enough to deal with this sort of thing.

"It's decided." she speaks with an air of finality, "Both of you will be joining the Service Club effective immediately. To think that two of my students would be so utterly twisted…"

Hey! Don't lump me in with her!

"Wait a minute, you can't do this." Basterbine practically shouts her tone filled with self-righteousness, " I have stuff to do besides joining your shitty Service Club. Regionals are coming up for Archery and as Vice-captain I can't be seen slacking off!

I had to hand it to her—saying that with a straight face when she skipped practice all the time was impressive. I was half expecting her to bring up her Chemistry Club duties too.

"I also am part of the Chemistry Club too. I don't have the time to join."

There we go.

For a minute, I watch in bated breath as Hiratsuka-sensei appears to seriously consider Basterbine's plea before slowly shaking her head in disagreement. While a part of me relished the idea of her getting the punishment she deserved, my more logical side agonized at the thought of us spending any more time together.

It was bad enough outside of school whenever she would force me to tag along on those shopping trips of hers.

"I'm sorry, but no can do Basterbine-san. You'll have to juggle and manage your time more carefully from now on."

"This is insane! You can't force me to join! That's like illegal or something!" Basterbine sputters.

"I can and I will. Unless of course, you want to fail Japanese instead. Don't think I haven't forgotten how you practically admitted a few minutes ago that Hikigaya has been doing your assignments. That's more than enough for me to fail you."

Wow, she isn't pulling any punches…

Finally surrendering, Basterbine grunts out a "Fine" and before long the three of us are trudging through the largely abandoned special building. Passing by a number of empty classrooms, after a few minutes we finally come to a stop, our final destination a small little annex.

Opening the door with enthusiasm, Hiratsuka-sensei happily struts in as Basterbine and I begrudgingly follow suit.

Stepping inside, there was nothing particularly noteworthy about the room. Undecorated, with piles of chairs and tables stacked up on top of one another, it was completely and utterly average.

Until I saw her.

Sitting aloofly as the afternoon rays beamed through the window was a stunningly beautiful girl with glistening ebony hair. Cross-legged and holding a small paperback, she was the image of pure elegance, the perfect poster child for the concept of "nobility".

"Tchh- what sort of idiot reads books? Aren't those just for dweebs?"

And just a few meters away was the epitome of gutter trash.

Abrupting closing her book with an emphatic thud, I watch mesmerized as the girl looks up to face us, her azure eyes exuding barely concealed irritation.

"The hell-why are you looking all dreamy and googly-eyed? You never act like that towards me." Bambietta comments, elbowing me roughly.

What am I- a dog?

"Forgive me for not acting all amazed whenever I see an ape." I sneer back, still pissed off at the whole situation.

"Rotten asshole! Did you just call me hairy!?"

"No, I just called you retarded."

Before things can devolve any further, the mysterious girl speaks up, her voice cold and ruthless.

"Hiratsuka-sensei" she begins before stopping to glare at Bambietta and me, " may I inquire on why these two things are here?"

Twenty seconds in and I'm already reduced to a thing.

Seeing her chance to take the limelight, I watch in pity as Sensei puffs up her prominent chest in pride as she speaks.

It's got to be at least a C-cup…

"Those two are here to join the Service Club" she turns, motioning us to introduce ourselves.

"I never agreed to join" I start to protest, changing my tune as soon as Sensei's glare turns my way "... Hachiman Hikigaya class 2-F."

Looks like I'm really going to be stuck in this stupid club.

"Hmph- Bambietta Basterbine class 2-B, you better remember it." the bitch proudly flaunts, pushing out her chest like a rooster.

Don't look. Don't look…

"Yukino Yukinoshita, class 2-J." The girl simply replies, her voice lacking any warmth.

Wait, we are joining THE Yukino Yukinoshita's club?

Even as a loner, I knew that name. Ranked first in Academics, diva of the international class, and the perfect classic Japanese beauty, Yukinoshita was pretty much the pinnacle of what a high schooler could be. Whereas I was expected to attend a local university and subsequently fade into obscurity, Yukinoshita was the type to attend the likes of Harvard, Todai, and Cambridge, returning to head a Fortune 500.

In other words, despite attending the same high school, we couldn't be any more different.

Turning her piercing glare to Basterbine, I watch with bated breath as she scrutinizes the girl before slightly nodding to herself.

"You lookin' for a fight or something flattie?"

Ignoring Basterbine's taunts, Yukinoshita moves over to me, her eyes narrowing with an emotion I can't place. Staring at me like I'm some circus exhibit, she finally speaks.

" I must decline your offer, Hiratsuka-sensei. Aside from the female Neanderthal's crudeness, the zombie one makes me fearful" she pauses, before directing another glare at me, "Especially for my chastity." her hands moving in to cover up her modest chest.

Seriously, I'm about to cry right here. Who is this zombie and why do people keep mentioning it whenever I'm around?

"Heh, even flattie thinks you're a total creep," Basterbine adds unnecessarily, once again reminding me why I hate her guts.

Awfully convenient for you to be dumb enough to not understand that she insulted you as well...

Still, for all the sting of having the school's top diva treating you like some bug, it wasn't all bad. I now had a legitimate escape route from joining if the Club President didn't like me.

Seriously, what type of name is the Service Club? Sounds a little too perverted for something supposedly school-sanctioned…

Turning to Sensei, I quickly offer my best 90-degree bow. "Sorry Sensei, it looks like my presence isn't wanted. Out of deep respect for Yukinoshita-san's concerns, I will take my leave effective immediately."

I'm free! I'm free! Screw you Basterbine and you too Yukinoshita. It's time to go home!

Just as I'm about to make my dash out the door, a tight grip yanks the neck of my collar.

I was seriously being treated like a dog…

Tethering me in place like an unbreakable chain, Hiratsuka-sensei's hand shatters any hopes of an enjoyable afternoon. Within seconds of my escape attempt, I'm back to ground zero,

"Kff-kff!" I turn to see Basterbine snorting, her hand placed right over her mouth in a poor attempt to cover up laughter.

I'll kill this bitch!

"There's no need to be alarmed Yukinoshita. Although it may not look like it, Hikigaya here has a spotless record. Worse comes to worse, treat him like you would a petty criminal. If the thought is too harsh for you, think of this as taking on a case of charity."

"Can you stop talking about me as if I'm a criminal?"

Seriously I'm about to cry after hearing my own teacher refer to me as a charity case!

"Charity … huh." Yukinoshita nods herself, content with Sensei's inaccurate description, "Personal disapproval aside, the Service Club will accept these two for now."

Yeah, this bitch is also going into my People to Kill List.

Breaking into a huge grin, Hiratsuka Sensei bids us farewell, slamming the door as she leaves the three of us alone.

How wonderful.

Suddenly I recall a dark memory from Junior High.

It's after school and cherry blossoms are blooming as the spring gales gently caress the draped curtains of a classroom. The season of picturesque youth in full effect, a young boy steels his nerves and courageously begins to confess to the lone girl next to him.

Before the boy can start talking, the door booms open and a hated acquaintance of the boy enters. The acquaintance stomps as she grabs her bag before noticing the boy.

"Kff-kff, your hands are all sweaty and slimy. Totally gross. Anyways, Meni is going to call soon so I'll see you later Frogy-gaya."

Who knew after five years my 4th grade name nickname would make a surprising comeback?

Turning back to the present, I quickly take a seat at the lone table, moving to the edge furthest from Yukinoshita. Normally a loner like me would opt for intimidation in lieu of a proper greeting but with Basterbine in the same room, the chances of that working aren't likely.

Surprisingly Basterbine follows suit, taking the seat next before opening up her phone and scrolling through her socials.

The next couple of minutes are filled with silence save for the sound of flipping pages and the occasional giggle from Basterbine.

Seriously, what are we even doing here?

"Is there something wrong?"

Noticing my blank expression, Yukinoshita emphatically closes her paperback, her expression one of poorly concealed annoyance. Safe to say she probably was feeling creeped out by my brooding.

"Ah- it's nothing. I'm just wondering if club activities are always this muted…"

Clicking her tongue, Yukinoshita glares at me, her piercing blue eyes causing my body to instinctively tighten in discomfort.

She truly was an ice-cold woman.

"Very well I suppose you're right. Allow me to pose a question then."

"Go ahead."

"When was the last time you talked to a girl Hikigaya-kun?" Family and the crude ape next to you don't count." Yukinoshita points to Basterbine who is hunched over, still texting away.

Judging by said ape's expression she's definitely eavesdropping.

"I can't really recall. Last Friday, I think? " I answer truthfully.

It was surprising though, having Basterbine shove her tablet in front of my face, commanding me to say hello to her green-haired friend.

Now that I think about it, her friend must have been the shy type, since she was shaking uncontrollably and covering her mouth during our entire conversation after taking one look at me.

"Sexual harassment complaints don't count." Yukinoshita quickly interjects.

"Can you stop painting me as some sexual criminal?"

"Are you not one?"

Before our dispute over my sex offender status can continue, the door slides open, Hiratsuka-sensei reappearing presumably to check on our progress.

"So? Yukinoshita- whatcha think? Think you can reform these students of mine into functional members of society?"

"... Why does she never knock?" Yukinoshita mutters to herself softly before turning to answer, "That's the problem Sensei, the zombie one refuses to acknowledge that he has problems and his friend over there is hardly better. She's crass, crude, and entirely disrespectful."

As much as I agree with your description of Basterbine, I feel like the 'disrespectful' part shouldn't be uttered by you of all people…

"What problems?" I find myself surprised, responding, the bitterness and conviction in my voice obvious. At this point, I had gotten pretty fed up with the entire you need to reform and change your ways message along with being treated like some charity project treatment. "I'm ranked third in the Humanities, and while I don't have friends or a girlfriend, I've got decent facial features—if you ignore the dead fish eyes. Objectively speaking, I'm in a pretty good spot."

"I hate to break it to you guys but Fisheyes is probably right on the face part. He'll look a lot better if he wasn't so stupid and stubborn about getting plastic surgery." Basterbine speaks up, her backhanded remark contributing nothing as per usual.

Ignoring her comment, Yukinoshita continues speaking, "As you can see Hiratsuka-Sensei, Hikigaya is adamant about staying dead set in his ways. I fail to see how even I can induce meaningful change if he himself rebuffs me every single step."

"You talk about change as if it's a good thing. There is nothing inherently wrong with things staying the same. So what that I don't want to change and mold myself to fit the standards of others? What's so bad with being content with who you are and taking comfort in your own identity?"

Immediately Yukinoshita's eyes sharpen, burning with an unexpected fury, her usual chill tone transforming into more of a snarl, "If you don't change then you can never improve or grow. What you're describing is just plain self-satisfaction and self-indulgence. You won't solve anything. You won't save anyone." The word save being said with overwhelming bitterness.

"Enough!" Hiratsuka-sensei intervenes intent on stopping things from escalating, "In times of old-"

"Times of old huh…"

"HIKIGAYA …"

Eeek, scary.

Finished with her warning, Sensei turns back to her speech, " As I was saying before rudely interrupted, in the past when opposing ideologies met they would clash in an all-or-nothing duel with the winner taking all. In that same spirit, I propose a three-way battle royale where each one of you will try to help the troubled souls I lead to this club using any manner you see fit. I'll even offer something to spice up the competition, the losers will have to fulfill any requests of the winner."

"Can I opt out?"

"Ehh, can I get a cash prize instead?

"I refuse, I fear that the zombie might hold impure motives regarding his request."

I wouldn't flatter myself that much if I were you. Still, as much as I hated to admit it, the thought of Yukinoshita in a compromising position made my heart unconsciously quicken.

"Hmm, I guess even Yukinoshita holds doubt over her own abilities." Sensei goads Yukinoshita, her face sporting a provocative grin.

"Fine... if it must be done, I'll participate."

"Hey, what about Basterbine and I?" I protest, not wanting to take part in such a stupid challenge. I had better things to do with my time than to join an ad-hoc competition with ambiguous rules and rankings.

"Basterbine-san isn't against the idea—she's willing to join as long as there's a cash prize for the winner. You, on the other hand…" Sensei turns to face me, cracking her knuckles, "…might just have to have a sudden change of heart."

Gulp * "It will be an honor to partake ma'am."

"Wonderful! I'll be the judge and personally decide who the ultimate winner is!" Hiratsuka-sensei declares, her excitement radiating as she practically skips out of the room. As she disappears down the hallway, her voice drifts back to us, filled with giddiness, "I can't wait to design the posters for this! This is just like Saint Seiya!"

"What a boomer." Basterbine snidely remarks.

She said it, not me…

A few minutes after Sensei's departure, the 2nd school bell chimes, signaling the end of club hours and the end of the school day.

Taking that as a signal, Basterbine and I watch on as Yukinoshita quickly packs up her things and leaves, not sparing us a single farewell or glance.

"Not gonna lie, she's sort of a bitch!" Basterbine remarks.

It's a sad day in reality when I find myself completely agreeing with you.

A/N: And that wraps up Chapter 2! Apologies for the long delay—college this quarter has been brutal, and finding time to write has been harder than expected. (Never again, Ochem…) I'm hoping to pick up the pace after finals are done in a few weeks.

As for the story, the focus will remain on Hikigaya and Bambietta's relationship dynamic with an aim to flesh out Basterbine's character and her unique relation to Hikigaya. While sadly this chapter didn't really do much in terms of this, focusing on exposition and the introduction of the service club you can expect much more substantive content on Hikigaya and Bambi's relationship for the next chapter. While I'll be loosely following the canon plot, you can definitely expect original scenes and plot points. Reading some of your comments about Supernatural elements, I'm planning to include some homages to Bleach but I wouldn't expect anything that's plot relevant or particularly meaningful.

Writing Hikigaya's POV has been challenging—it's easy to slip into making him feel like a self-insert, which I'm actively trying to avoid. Too many times I see in Oregairu Crossovers a Hikigaya that feels like it's simply a self-insert with the name Hachiman stamped over it. While I have no problems with that, it's not something I want to see in my fics.

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm incredibly grateful for the comments and suggestions, and I hope you enjoyed this early Thanksgiving gift of a chapter.