TURKEY
A lone turkey gobbled contentedly as it pecked at the ground. The bushes rustled. It looked up and beheld two metal barrels.
The turkey ducked. The gunshot went off, tearing the undergrowth to shreds. The gunman hollered, "Found 'em! Let's get this sonuvabich!"
The turkey shrieked and ran for its life. A helicopter flew overhead, shining a spotlight as gunmen leaned from the sides and opened fire. Feathers flew as the turkey wove around the strafing fire.
The turkey rushed through an open door. A firing squad shot the house to splinters and crumbling plaster. Behind a lone turkey-sized piece, the turkey huddled, shivering, and craned its neck around the shelter. It bolted as bullets tore through its hiding spot.
As the turkey sprinted, looking back to avoid its pursuers, it stumbled and fell into a hole. Seeing a latch at the top, the turkey slammed it shut, twisted the lock, and collapsed into a quivering feathery heap on the concrete floor.
A cocked gun broke the silence. "World's ending, and God saw fit to deliver unto me this fine bird."
Gunshots rattled around the bunker. The turkey flung the door open and took off towards the city. It hunted for a place the humans would not pursue. It saw tiny humans running around, and a lightbulb shone over its head.
It zipped into the school, filing in with the schoolchildren and smirking to itself. One of the children looked up from taking notes and saw the bird. They pulled out an assault rifle and said, "Turkey shoot!"
The turkey stared horrified as the teacher and every student pulled out guns. It sprinted for dear life with a horde of rabid schoolchildren on its birdie heels.
A police station sat across the street. The turkey ran inside and squawked for dear life. The officers all snapped to attention. "They've got a gun!" Gunshots rang out, and the turkey scurried out in a cloud of feathers and bullets.
As they sprinted further north, a big sign proclaimed, 'Canadian border ahead'. The turkey knew, deep in its soul, that freedom lay just beyond the border.
Tanks blocked its path. Trenches ringed with barbed wire criss-crossed the landscape. The U.S. army barred its path. A general with a megaphone shouted, "The president has hereby pardoned this turkey of its cruel existence on earth. Men, open fire!"
Tank shells fell. Bombs dropped from the sky. Machine guns opened fire, and tear gas canisters clattered across the ground.
The turkey put on a pair of sunglasses. The projectiles slowed, with ripples in the air sluggishly propagating behind them. The turkey bobbed and wove, hopped and flapped, jumping off tank shells and kicking grenades into tank barrels. The guns ceased as the turkey landed beyond the border.
Finally safe, the turkey gave a warbling cry of 'freedom!'
A bear crunched its neck, shook it violently, and started eating.
The general threw his megaphone on the ground and said, "Dammit! That was the last one."
498
Too… much… pie…