Harry Potter Raised by Moody, a parody of all the Harry is raised by . . . fics

Harry Moody?

Minerva looked sadly at the house where 'those dreadful muggles' lived and tried again to convince Albus that it was no place to leave a magical child.

"I'm sorry Minerva but . . ." Albus slumped to the ground, the victim of a powerful stunner.

"Albus" Minerva cried before joining him in the land of nod.

Out of the shadows came a heavily scarred man with a horrible grin, using several well practiced wand movements he modified their memories, "you dropped the boy off, you don't think Figg will be needed, and if you ever need someone to check on the boy then you'll call your old pal Moody."

"I just couldn't let him leave you here lad" he wrapped a scarred hand around the sleeping child's basket and gave a rather frightening smile, "you'd never reach your potential living here, but I promise you boy that with me teaching you you'll be great."

Baby Harry didn't awake at the sound of his new guardian's voice and the world changed.

"Constant Vigilance" Moody yelled at the two unconscious Professors before absconding into the night with the sleeping form of the boy-who-lived.

Unknown Location, ten years later . . .

Moody smirked as he entered his son's room, gathering his energies he cast a stunner at the bed, "Constant Vig . . ."

His trademark phrase was cut short by the impact of a large blunt instrument to the side of his head.

"Constant Vigilance" eleven year old Harry cried as he began pummeling his 'father.'

Grunting in frustration, Moody grabbed his son's makeshift weapon, "what have I told you about attacking with a club?"

"Go for the soft tissue" Harry replied sullenly.

"And why didn't you follow that advice?" Moody's voice was dangerously calm.

"Because you taught me to go for the soft tissue" Harry replied quietly, "and I figured that you would be wearing groin protection of some kind."

"Decided to use my 'Constant Vigilance' against me eh?" Moody eyed the boy, "good job."

Harry brightened, "does that mean that I did the right thing?"

"Means that you're learning" Moody agreed, "good job. Letter arrived for you today boy."

"What was in it?" Harry eyed his mentor wearily, "who sent it?"

"It was your Hogwarts Letter," Moody smirked, "and what makes you think that I checked it?"

"Constant Vigilance"

"That's me boy," the scarred man said proudly as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"What are we going to do about the letter?" Harry eyed his mentor, looking for any opening in the older man's defense.

"Well," Moody responded, "I was thinking that we could go and get your school supplies, be a good idea to get you a wand that is on the books anyway."

"So they don't think of looking for my other wands?"

"That's part of it," Moody agreed.

"Can I also get a new eye like yours?" Harry asked hopefully, "I don't like not knowing if there are people lurking about under invisibility cloaks."

"We'll see," Moody smiled indulgently

AN: Just a bit of fun.

I've always been a bit annoyed at the fics that have Harry and (insert name here) suddenly develop feelings for each other after being separated, the plot goes on to hit several predictable points. If you feel the same then this OMAKE if for you, and in this OMAKE, I'm going to distill the important plot points that other authors take several chapters to write into a few lines.

"I can't believe I never saw it," Harry whispered to his new lover, "all this time I denied myself the happiness I deserved because I was unwilling to see you as anything but a friend."

"Don't talk like that," a tear fell out of the corner of the woman's eye, "we're together now and that's all that matters."

"But how could I allow you to place yourself in danger by loving me," Harry began to sob, "if it weren't for me you could be dating someone else and you would be safe."

The woman gently stroked her grieving lover, "without you in my life I wouldn't be living, in fact from now on I insist on everyone calling me Mrs. Potter."

"Are you sure that you want to marry me?" Harry's sobs had abated and he began trembling.

"Of course I do, now let's go find a broom closet to snog in."

"Sure thing Professor McGonagall," Harry wrapped his arms around the love of his life, "your wish is my command."

"Harry," the woman cooed, "after all the things that we've done to each other tonight, I think that it would be appropriate to call me Minnie."