Disclaimer: Luna is strange, I can make her do anything without it being too OOC . . . Bwahahahahahaha.
Luna's Hubby
Don't know if I'll do anything with this . . . background is that this is a few years before Hogwarts.
"Tell me about Harry Potter," Luna demanded.
"He's a very brave and intelligent young boy," Luna's mother replied. "And he's the one that saved us all from the dark lord."
"Do you think he'd make a good husband mummy?" Luna asked innocently. In the short time that she had been alive, Luna had focused on her parent's relationship and had come to the conclusion that she wanted one of her own.
"Of course he would dear," Luna's mother assured her daughter. "And maybe he'll become your husband when you get older. I have to go to work now, bye hun."
"Bye mummy," Luna replied automatically. The young girl watched her mother leave and contemplated the words that she'd just been told. "When I'm older? Bugger that, I'm going to go get Harry right now so we can live happily ever after."
Her course set, Luna immediately set to work in accomplishing her goals. A quick visit to her parent's room located a broom and an old invisibility cloak (Her father said it was needed to hunt Mimbari) and she was almost ready to go get her soon to be husband. There was only one problem, she didn't know where Harry Potter was.
"Bugger," Luna cursed. It annoyed her mother and would get her father into trouble so she did it every chance she got. A few more minutes of thought gave her the solution for her dilemma and Luna went off in search of her father.
"Hello rutabaga," Luna's called her his pet name for . . . her. "What can I do for you?"
"I need to find something father," Luna replied quietly. "Can I borrow your multi purpose detector?"
"Ok carrot." The man shrugged, it wasn't like she could get into any trouble with it.
"Thank you father," Luna said quietly. Inside she was jumping for joy, she'd soon have her husband.
Luna went back to her room and donned the invisibility cloak and mounted her broom . . .and nothing happened. Growling in exasperation, the little girl went off in search of her father again.
"Hello again cabbage," Luna's father said when he noticed his daughter. "Do you want me to make you some lunch?"
"No father." Luna shook her head, how was she going to do this without him being suspicious? "I just wanted to know how a broom worked."
"Why?"
"It's not so that I can use it to fly out to find Harry Porter," Luna replied immediately.
"Well . . . as long as you're not going to go out and find Harry Porter," Luna's father agreed. "Hold your hand above it and say 'up' in a firm voice."
"Thank you father." Luna gave the man a peck on the cheek and returned to her room.
Luna was ecstatic, the broom worked and she was on her way to formalize her marriage. It took nearly two hours of flying before Luna managed to find Harry Potter and when she did, she was shocked at his condition.
"Hello," Luna greeted the young boy. "Is your name Harry Potter?"
"Yes," the boy replied nervously.
"Do you want to go home with me and be my husband?"
"Away from here?" Harry perked up.
"Yup," Luna agreed.
IIIIIIIIII
"Luna," her father looked down at the two children. "Who's this boy."
"He's my new husband daddy," Luna smiled up at her father.
"Does your mother know about this?" Luna's father scratched his chin, he was sure that his daughter's marriage was something he'd remember . . . on the other hand, he had probably been drinking to celebrate so . . .
"No daddy," Luna shook her head. "She hasn't gotten home yet."
"I'll tell her then," Luna's father offered. It was the responsible thing to do after all.
"Ok," Luna gave another cute smile and then went back to playing with her new friend.
"Wait a minute." Luna's father froze in his tracks, "what are you trying to pull here Luna?"
"Um . . ."
"You haven't eaten lunch," Luna's father finished. "If you think that I'm going to allow you to skip meals then you have another thing coming."
"Ok father," Luna agreed. "Can you make my husband some food too?"
"Of course my little crabapple."
IIIIIIIIII
"Dear?" Luna's mother had returned home to find her daughter playing with a strange boy and had approached her husband to get an explanation. "Who is that strange boy playing with our daughter?"
"Hmmm?" Luna's father blinked, "oh that's her new husband. I think I drank too much at the wedding and forgot the wedding, I promised Luna that I'd tell you about it."
"I see." It was times like this that she wondered why she married him. "When are his parents coming over to get him?"
"Parents?" Luna's father scratched his chin, "I think Luna said that he was going to live with us. I don't recall anything about any parents."
"Ok." Luna's mother ground her teeth, "who dropped him off?"
"Dropped him off?" Luna's father thought hard for a minute, "no one. He just appeared."
"So what you're telling me is that some strange boy wandered into the house?"
"I'm not saying that at all," Luna's father disagreed. "Luna brought him."
"Luna . . . Honey, could you come in here for a minute." Luna's mother called out, she was going to get to the bottom of things. Luckily her daughter had inherited some common sense . . . from her side of the family.
"What is it mummy?" Luna asked innocently.
"Where did that boy come from?"
"I brought him here mummy," Luna replied quickly.
Now we were getting somewhere, "where did you find him?"
"In a garden doing yard work," Luna said.
"What's his name?" Luna's mother grinned.
"We haven't decided yet mummy," Luna said to her mother's displesure.
"What do you mean honey?" But the woman wasn't going to let it show.
"You said that after you get married then you have to decide what last name to keep, remember mummy." Luna reminded her mother. "He's my husband now mummy so we have to decide our new name."
"Ok . . . ok . . . what was his old name darling?"
"Harry Potter mummy," Luna answered. "You said that he'd make a good husband."
"Why don't you step out of the room while have a talk with your father about how you were able to go out and track down Harry Potter and then bring him back here when your father was supposed to be watching you . . . ok hun?"
"Ok mummy," Luna agreed.
AN: There are a lot of fics where Harry meets with one of the other characters before the books start. In some of them he learns about magic and in others he makes friends that he meets again at school. The scene where Luna's father finds out about her daughter's new husband popped into my head and I wrote this around it. What happens next could be one of two things. One, the two children use accidental magic to magicly marry each other and stubbornly refuse to cooperate in any of the attempts to end the marriage. Harry because he's getting food and affection, and Luna because mummy told her that good men are hard to find and if you get one you should keep him forever. Two, Dumbledore finds Harry and puts him back with the Dursleys . . . Harry escapes and returns to the Lovegood house, rinse and repeat.
Omake Magic Animagus
"Just focus on your inner animal," McGonagall advised. Harry was taking a super duper advanced Animagus elective and he wanted to get things right the first time.
"Alright Professor," Harry agreed.
The students watched in shock as Harry began to transform. His arms and legs became more muscle and his clothing tore off, unable to handle the strain. Long tentacles grew out of his back and chest . . . you guessed it, Harry was the first tentacle demon Animagus in history.
"I suggest running away," McGonagall screamed on her way to the door. "Mr. Potter may not be able to control his new instincts for a few minutes."
All of the girls screamed and rushed out of the classroom . . . that is to say, all of them except for one.
"You guys go ahead," she called out to her retreating classmates. "I want to try something."
Who is the girl, well . . . it could be some pervy puff. No one suspects the puffs. It could be a girl that loves Harry. Hermione might think she knows a charm that will control a tentacle demon, or she might just be kinky. It's all up to you.
AN: We've all seen fics where Harry turns into some great magical creature when he becomes an Animagus.
Omake: Time Travel
A harry from a terrible future goes back in time to fix things . . . or something.
It was the beginning of . . . let's say fourth year, and the students had just completed their sorting.
"It worked," Harry suddenly stood up and began to shout. "I'm back baby."
"Is there some reason that you saw fit to disturb us Mr. Potter?" Snape growled, being the only teacher that wasn't frozen in shock.
"Yeah," Harry replied with a grin. "I come from a horrendous future where everything is evil and most everyone is dead . . . except for that first year over there, he's in a coma."
The indicated first year shrunk away from the curious stares, "coma?"
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Coma."
"What happened?" Another student asked.
"He got drunk and ate a toad, then he jumped off a building." Harry said quietly, "it was the celebration of the second downfall of Voldemort and well . . . let's just say things got a little nuts."
"For what purpose have you come back to this time?" Dumbledore asked, "was it to stop the war?"
"I guess you could say that," Harry agreed. "Mostly I came back so I could kill all those damn death eaters again . . . reducto." Harry shot a curse at the surprised potions master.
"What are you doing Potter?" Snape screamed as he dodged out of the way.
"You killed Dumbles in my fifth year," Harry explained as he shot a few more curses at the greasy man. "Killing you the first time was so fun that I just had to do it again . . . anyone wanna know how I did it last time?"
"I do," Ron shouted. "Was it slow?"
"Very," Harry agreed.
"What did you do?" Ron was bouncing in his chair, "come on mate . . . tell me."
"I used a whither charm on him," one of Harry's hexes finally connected with the greasy man and Snape fell to the ground screaming. "This time I turned his blood to acid . . . always liked that hex."
"Harry, I demand that you stop with this foolishness right now." Dumbledore commanded, "you can not do this."
"Yeah," Hermione agreed. "You can't just go around killing people because of what they might do."
"I agree Hermione," Harry agreed. "I killed Snape because he's a bastard that killed innocent people in the past and because he was always being a jerk to me and my friends."
"Damn it Harry," Hermione screamed. "That was my only argument . . . I don't suppose you'd be willing to stop killing people until I can think of another argument?"
"Reducto." Harry blasted Draco's face through the back of his head. "Nope."
"Damn it Harry." Hermione screamed, "you can't just go around killing everyone."
"He was a death eater," Harry said simply. "Reducto."
"And I suppose that you're going to tell me that trelany is a death eater too?" Hermione scowled.
"Um . . . yes?" Harry blinked, "of course . . . a death eater . . . I'd never just kill someone because they annoyed me."
"I'm gonna let that one go," Hermione said after a moment of thought.
Three days later . . .
"Hey Hermione?" Ron called out, "what's the weather look like outside."
"Let me check the window," Hermione put down her book and glanced out. "Damn it Harry."
"What is it?" One of the students called out.
"It's raining bodies out there." Hermione noticed the incredulous looks, "really . . . Harry cast some sort of blasting charm on a group of death eaters."
Omake: The Real Harry Potter
"You sent for me Professor?" Draco tried to show at least a little respect for the school's Headmaster, his father would skin him alive if he called too much attention to the family at this stage.
"Yes, have a seat Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore gestured towards a chair, "I have some rather shocking news for you."
"Is my mother ok?" Draco asked nervously.
"To the best of my knowledge yes." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "I called you up here not to talk about your parents but to tell you something about yourself."
"What is it?" Draco asked in confusion. Was the old man going to go on some speel about how he couldn't become a death eater.
"After the attack on the Potter house, I decided to do everything within my power to protect the last of the Potters." Dumbledore gave a sad sigh, "the world thinks I placed Harry in the care of his Aunt . . . that is not the truth."
"Why are you telling me this?" Draco demanded.
"Because I think it's time for the truth to come out," Dumbledore replied. "I placed Harry with a dark family, a family of death eaters and I placed their son with Harry's aunt. I then used a powerful and ancient spell to conceal their identities, neither would know about their true self . . . until now."
"What?" Draco's pupils shrunk.
"I'm sorry Harry, forgive an old man for what he's done to you." Dumbledore said sadly, "I would have let things stay as they were if it were not for the return of Voldemort."
"You don't want me to join him?" Draco gave an inward smirk, maybe he could use this to his advantage.
"I feared that Voldemort would realise your true identity if you took the dark mark," Dumbledore explained. "If that happened then you would be killed."
"Why woud he kill me if I were one of his followers?" Draco sneered, yes this could be very useful.
"There is a prophesy that was given before you were born," Dumbledore said. "Roughly, it states that if you die in horrendous agony then the dark lord will gain power. He plans to sacrifice you to gain an upper hand over the wizarding world, I couldn't allow that to happen to you. I'm sorry Harry, my attempt to keep you safe has only put you in greater danger."
"Stop calling me Harry," Draco screamed.
"Perhaps you should have some time to yourself to think about this," Dumbledore mused. "I shall not mention this again, goodbye Harry."
Dumbledore watched as Draco stormed out of his office and sighed to himself. A few minutes later, he arose from his desk and made his way to the room of requirements.
"Well?" Ron demanded, "what happened?"
"Just a moment," Dumbledore said serenely. "I believe that the Polyjuice is about to wear off."
"Damn it Harry," Ron screamed. "I don't want to wait that long, did he fall for it or not?"
Omake: Fun with Polyjuice
"I'm gonna have fun teaching you your place mudblood," Draco sneered at Hermione. "You're going to be a broken slave slut when I'm done with you."
"Why you," Ron screamed.
"Harry grab him before he gets into trouble," Hermione commanded.
"See you around scar head," Draco snickered.
The trio watched disgust as the arrogant boy walked off.
"I'm gonna kill him," Ron snarled.
"I'll help you," Harry offered.
"No," Hermione said simply. "You two in Azkaban is much worse then his insults."
"We can't just let him get away with this," Harry protested.
"We won't," Hermione said with an evil grin. "Did you know that I still have some Polyjuice left over?"
The two boys began to snicker as Hermione outlined her plan, those snickers turned into full blown laughter, and the laughter into dry heaves . . . it was an icky plan.
IIIIIIIIII
Draco,
There will be a gift waiting for you in the abandoned classroom by the one eyed witch after your last class today.
Your Father
Lucius
Draco grinned as he reread his letter, what did daddy get him. His grin widened when he walked into the classroom and saw a whimpering girl tied up on one of the desks.
"You and I are going to have a lot of fun," Draco said evilly.
Draco disrobed and got down to business . . . as I'm sure you've guessed, the polyjuice wore off after the first few seconds . . . great timing huh?"
The next day, the front page of the Quibbiler was covered with a moving color picture of the heir to the Malfoy fortune engaging in . . . relations with a duck. This was accompanied by a large article speculating on the the purity of the Malfoy bloodline. The boy's protests that his father had set everything up did not help his case as much as he thought it would.