Disclaimer: Just another manipulative Dumbledore plot line, something I thought I'd polish enough to post.
The Road to Hell
Harry leaned back in his bed and sighed for the hundredth time. The muggle Doctors said that he'd never be able to walk again, that the damage was too great. The Order had managed to smuggle in Madame Pomphrey who'd tried to hide her wince while she said that they'd do all they could to fix it. Harry wasn't going to hold his breath, not after watching her conversation with the Headmaster through a cracked door.
It had all started a week earlier when Dudley began learning how to drive. Little pig whined that he couldn't learn properly without getting a new car, as if an older ones lacked some sort of quality that would make learning easier. Harry wasn't surprised when his relatives caved after a few minutes of listening to their son . . . Harry would have given the little bastard almost anything in exchange for a few moments of silence.
Grinding his teeth together, Harry remembered his Uncle ordering him to guide his Cousin out of the parking space, he remembered Dudley hitting the accelerator too hard, and he remembered a sharp pain before everything went black. He'd been in the Hospital ever since . . . the accident had been too public to be handled by the Order.
Harry laughed bitterly, who'd have thought that the great Harry Potter would fall to a stupid accident.
"Excuse me." A man walked into Harry's room. "My name is Jonathan Chambers and I think that it would be in your best interests to retain me as your Solicitor in your case against the Dursley family."
"What?" Harry focused on the man.
"You are planning to sue the Dursley family aren't you?" The Solicitor asked sharply.
"Why would I do that?" Harry asked mildly, "they're my relatives aren't they?"
"Your uncle tried to refuse treatment . . . said it was a waste of his taxes." Chambers said quickly. "The Police have already ruled that what happened was an accident, so a civil suit would be the only way you could get Justice."
"Do tell?" Harry prompted the man, signs of his old personality returning.
"I don't foresee this being a difficult case," Chambers went on, emboldened by Harry's show of intrest. "You probably won't even have to face them in open court . . . I'm fairly sure that we could get a large settlement out of the insurance company too."
"How much would this cost me?" Harry asked with a smile.
"I'd be willing to take a percentage of the settlement as my fee," the Lawyer said quickly. "Say . . . ten percent."
"Done," Harry agreed quickly. What do I need to do?"
"Just sign here," the man said quickly. "I have the paperwork all ready."
"Just a second." Harry spent a few minutes glancing through the paperwork. "Ok."
"Here's my card, call me at any time if you have any questions."
"Thanks," Harry replied. "Could you tell the nurse that I need to speak with her on your way out."
"Certainly," Chambers agreed.
The nurse came in a few minutes later. "You wanted to speak with me?"
"I want my things," Harry said calmly.
"But . . . but you can't leave yet," the nurse protested. "You're still injured."
"Am I going to get any better if I stay here?"
"No but . . ."
"Am I a prisoner here then?" Harry interrupted.
"No you aren't but . . ."
"Then get me my things," Harry continued.
"Fine," the nurse said with a shrug. She walked over to the closet and pulled out a small box, "here's what you had on you when you came in. One small stick and fifteen pence."
"My clothes?"
"Were thrown out," the nurse said with a barely hidden smile. "So I guess you'll have to wait here until you can arrange to get a new set."
Harry waited until the nurse had left before turning his attention to his wand. "Not like things can get any worse," he mused. "What the hell." His mind made up, Harry transfigured his hospital gown into something that would draw less comment and his blankets into a pair of crutches.
Sneaking out of the hospital wasn't difficult, much easier then getting a midnight snack in the Dursley house and Harry felt a rush of elation as he stepped out of one of the side doors and on to the street.
"Need a ride then?" A voice asked from Harry's left.
"Wha . . ."
"I overheard your conversation with the nurse," Chambers explained.
"Thanks," Harry said. "I'd like a ride to the Dursley house and then to London."
"No problem," the Solicitor motioned towards his car.
"So why are you doing this?" Harry asked suddenly.
"Doing what?"
"Working so cheap?" Harry said. "I've heard my uncle go on about how expensive it is to hire a Solicitor."
"Couple reasons," the man replied. "First one is that I haven't been a Solicitor very long. According to most, I shouldn't even be arguing a case until I've done my time as a legal clerk or research assistant for a more established Solicitor or Law Firm."
"Oh . . . you said there were a couple reasons?"
"Two more," the man agreed. "I'll be honest with you, I'm doing this case as much for me as I am for you. I've got a job waiting in my father's law office . . . as a research assistant, I won't be able to argue my own case for several years yet. If I work for you I can do everything for myself . . . the publicity I might get for being a crusading lawyer that cares less about money then he does about justice would just be icing on the cake."
"Oh." Harry looked down at his feet.
"Don't get me wrong, I would like to use the law to help people." The man said quickly. "I just try to be honest about my motivation and any benefits I might receive."
"Thank you," Harry said quietly. "Not many people even make the effort to tell me the truth."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Chambers said tightly. "The truth is a wonderful thing."
"That must be surrounded by a bodyguard of lies?" Harry muttered a half remembered quote from one of his pre-Hogwarts lessons.
"Good to know they still teach you something in school," Chambers said with a laugh. "Cheer up, things are going to get better."
"I'd like to think that," Harry said with a weak grin. "But past experience has taught me not to hope for much."
"Bugger that," Chambers said with a laugh. "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst, don't expect anything."
"Right."
"Buck up lad," Chambers tried to cheer the boy up. "You've got nothing to feel bad about."
"Side from the fact that I'll walk with a limp for the remainder of my life?" Harry asked bitterly.
"What do Doctors know?" Chambers said with a laugh. "If you accept the fact that you'll always have a limp then you'll be right. If you show enough determination then . . ."
"Then I'll walk normally again?"
"Maybe," Chambers said. "Or maybe not, but it's better then giving into despair."
"I guess," Harry sighed.
"Where do you want to go after you stop by the Dursley house?" Chambers asked mildly. "I may be able to arrange something if you don't have any other place to go."
"There's a place in London that I could stay," Harry replied quickly.
"Just be sure I have a way to contact you," Chambers agreed. "Or call me every day to check in."
"I will." They pulled onto Privet Drive a few minutes later and Harry winced when he noticed that his relatives were home. "Maybe it would be a better idea to come back later," Harry suggested.
"Nonsense," Chambers said. "Let me make a quick call and everything will be alright." The Lawyer put his portable phone to his ear and made a quick call.
"What was that about?"
"I've called the police station and requested that they send an constable to observe to insure that you can take your things without being bothered," Chambers replied. "They should have a car here soon." Harry had to suppress a giggle when he saw his uncle storm out of the house and begin ranting at the police car that pulled into his driveway. "Ready Harry?"
"Ready," Harry confirmed.
"Then let's go," Chambers said as he pulled up to the Dursley house.
"You have a lotta nerve doing this to us you ungrateful welp," Vernon growled at Harry.
"I'd advise you not to respond Harry," Chambers said quickly. "Would you mind staying close constable?"
"Certainly," the constable agreed. "Come on lad, just point out your things and we'll get them loaded into your solicitor's car."
"Yes sir," Harry agreed. It did not take long to gather Harry's few belongings.
"Is this all of it?" Chambers asked in shock.
"Yes sir," Harry agreed. "It's all in the trunk."
"Well then let me help you with this then," the constable said.
"Thank you constable," Chambers replied. "You get the door Harry." They loaded the trunk into Harry's Solicitor's car and made the drive to London. "This the place then?"
"It is," Harry agreed. "Just put me out here and I'll be fine."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure," Harry confirmed.
"Well . . . take my card, and here's a few coins for the phone if you need me." Chambers said finally. "Call me at any time for any reason." the man wrote a couple numbers on the back of the business card. "On the back is my home number and my father's office number. If you need me I want you to keep trying till you get someone."
"I will," Harry promised.
"Good." The man reluctantly got back into his car and slowly drove away. Harry limped into the Leaky Cauldron and wend directly to the bar.
"Hey Tom," Harry began. "I hate to bother you, but could I get some help to bring in my Trunk?"
"Of course," Tom agreed quickly. Harry followed Tom a few paces before the old inn keep noticed that something was wrong. "Something happen to your leg?"
"I broke it," Harry replied with an attempt at a smile. "That's why I needed the help."
"Have a seat at one of the tables," Tom ordered. "I'll bring in your trunk. Did you need a room too?"
"A room and a meal if it isn't too much trouble," Harry agreed.
"Then have a seat and think of what you'd like," Tom said. "I'll have your trunk stowed and your order taken before you know I was gone."
"Thanks Tom." Harry collapsed into a chair and tried to slow his breathing.
"Decide what you'd like?" Tom asked on his way back to his place at the bar.
"Wouldn't have any warm Pasties would you?" Harry asked hopefully.
"I'll have some in about," Tom glanced at the clock. "Twenty to thirty minutes if you're willing to wait till they get done."
"I'll wait," Harry agreed. "Could I get some chips and something to drink in the mean time?"
"Sure," Tom agreed. "Anything else?"
"Something to read if you've got it," Harry said. "Or something to pass the time any way."
"I'll round up something for you," Tom agreed. "Just give me a minute."
"Thanks Tom," Harry said gratefully. Tom returned a few minutes later with a large box.
"Full of some of the things people have left behind over the years," Tom explained. "Several books and magazines in it. Help yourself to anything you like."
"I will," Harry agreed. Harry rummaged through the box for a few minutes. Most of what he found was nothing special, Quidditch Monthly, Socks Quarterly, etc. He did find something interesting at the bottom of the stack.
"Here are your chips and drink Harry," Tom said as he placed the items on the table. "What are you reading?"
"The Prince," Harry said without looking up. "Thank you Tom."
"No problem Harry," Tom replied. Harry kept reading until his meal arrived. "Here you are Harry."
"Tom, are there solicitors in the wizarding world?"
"Several," Tom agreed. "Did you need one?"
"Yes, I think so."
"I could set up a meeting with mine if you'd like," Tom offered.
"Sure," Harry agreed. "Thanks Tom."
"When would you like to meet with him?"
"As soon as possible," Harry replied.
"I'll get right on that then," Tom said. "Enjoy your meal."
"A prince must have no other objective, no other thought, nor take up any profession but that of war, its methods and its discipline, for that is the only art expected of a ruler." Harry read aloud. "Interesting."
"What was that Harry?"
"Just reading to myself," Harry explained.
"Oh . . . I've set up an appointment with you later today." Tom said. "Any time you want was the words he said."
"Where should I go?"
"Here is his card," Tom replied. "Go to the end of the alley and take a left, it's in the big grey building on the second floor."
"Second floor, big grey building." Harry repeated. "I think I've got it." He rose to his feet and began limping towards the door.
"Need some help to get there Harry?" Tom asked.
"I'm fine," Harry said through clenched teeth. "Thanks all the same." Harry made his way to the Lawyer's office and up the stairs.
"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked in a bored tone.
"Harry Potter," Harry said. "I have an appointment."
"Come right in Mr. Potter," the woman said in a much more friendly tone. "Can I get you anything?"
"A bit of water if it's not too much trouble," Harry agreed.
"Go right in then," the woman replied. "He's waiting for you, I'll have your water in a bit." Harry limped into the office to find a man sitting behind a large desk.
"Mr. Potter I presume?" The man offered his hand. "Have a seat."
"Thank you," Harry sat down.
"Here's your water sir," the receptionist appeared.
"Thank you." Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple bottles of pills. Shaking a few out into his hand, he swallowed them with a bit of his water. "For pain and to prevent infection," Harry explained upon noticing the man's confused look. "Sort of like potions but more convenient to carry."
"I see," the Lawyer nodded. "What can I do for you?"
"I'd like to sue several people," Harry replied. "And I thought I'd need a bit of help to do it."
"Does it have something to do with your injury?"
"Not directly," Harry replied. "I have someone else working on that."
"The treatment you received from the Daily Prophet and the Ministry last year then?"
"Yes," Harry agreed. "I'd also like to sue Professor Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore?" The man's eyes widened a bit. "What's he done?"
"He placed me in an abusive home and had me kept as a virtual prisoner," Harry replied.
"Let me get a bit more information before filing," the man said. "I'm going to have to build an airtight case to deal with him."
"I'd also like to sue several pureblood families," Harry went on. "And to sue Tom Riddle AKA Voldemort."
"You want to do what?" The lawyer's eyes widened in shock, "do you want to die?"
"I figure that I can't possibly get any higher on the hit list." Harry shrugged. "Why not have some fun with it."
"I'm afraid I can get higher on the list." The man pursed his lips. "I'm willing to take on all the cases except for the ones involving Voldemort and his Death Eaters."
"Do you know anyone who would?" Harry asked hopefully.
"I might," the man mused. "Why don't you let me wait to file everything while you have a chance to talk with her."
"Ok," Harry agreed. "How do I get there?"
"She's in the office down the hall," the Lawyer replied. "Be sure that she knows who your mother was. It might help."
"Right," Harry agreed with a nod. "Thank you for your help."
"Don't thank me until I've done more for you then hand you off," the man said. "Sorry about refusing part of your case but . . . I've got a family and . . ."
"I understand," Harry interrupted. "Thank you all the same." Harry walked down the hall and opened the door to find a beautiful blond woman sitting at a desk.
"What?" The woman asked with a scowl.
"I wanted to speak with you about taking a case," Harry replied nervously.
"I know you don't have an appointment," the woman said. "Come back when you get one."
"If it helps," Harry continued. "Lily was my mother."
"You're Lily's boy?" The woman rose from her desk and walked up to Harry. "Yes, you have her eyes and cheeks." She walked around Harry as if she were inspecting a horse. "And a bit of her build before she got her growth spurt."
"Everyone else always says I look like my dad," Harry offered.
"Everyone else is an idiot," she said bluntly. "And I doubt most of them took the time to get to know your mother. Have a seat."
"Thank you." Harry limped over to the chair and fell into it.
"What happened to you," she demanded.
"Car accident," Harry replied. "Healers say I'll have a limp for the rest of my life."
"Which healers?"
"Hogwarts school nurse."
"We'll see about that later," the woman mused. "This accident happened in the muggle world, do you have a muggle solicitor to deal with this?"
"Yes I do," Harry agreed.
"Good," she said in approval. "Why did you come here? Was it to talk about your mother?"
"No," Harry said. "It would have been if I'd have known that you knew my mother. But I came because I want to sue some people and the man down the hall sent me to you."
"Smithers sent you?" She said in surprise. "Wouldn't have thought the bastard would let you go after he had his hooks in you."
"One of the people I wanted to sue was Voldemort," Harry offered.
"For the death of your parents?"
"And kidnapping me, torturing me, attempting to murder me, destroying some of my property, etc."
"We'll have to find out what his birth name is first," she said. "Goblins will ignore a court order unless it has a birth name on it and even then it's hard to get anything out of them."
"It's Tom Riddle," Harry said.
"Interesting," she purred. "Who else did you want to sue?"
"Several Death Eaters," Harry replied. "I have their names too. Professor Dumbledore, the Ministry, and the Daily Prophet to start."
"Alright," the woman agreed. "I'll take the cases. With your permission, I'd like to farm out some of the suits to other attorneys. Voldemort and the Death Eaters I'll keep for myself."
"What'll this cost me?"
"Don't worry about the cost," the woman waved off Harry's concern. "I'll deal with it myself. Do you need a way to get home?"
"I'm staying at the Leaky Cauldron," Harry said. "And I'm not going back to live with my relatives ever again."
"Why?"
"They're the ones I'm suing in the muggle world," Harry said. "Because of my leg and the way I grew up."
"What?" The woman asked flatly. "Explain that."
"I lived in a cupboard under the stairs until I got my Hogwarts letter," Harry said. "I won't go back."
"I see . . . and let me say that I am very sorry for the way you were forced to live."
"Don't worry about it," Harry waved off the woman's concerns.
"Lily was my best friend . . . my only friend." The woman's smile turned frigid. "And it is to my eternal shame that I did not check on you. I'm afraid that I was stupid enough to allow my enthusiasm to cloud my better judgement."
"It's ok," Harry said simply. "I'm sure you had more important things to worry about."
"No," the woman replied firmly. "I did not . . . you may rest assured that I will not allow such a lapse to happen ever again."
"Forgive me for being rude," Harry began. "But I never got your name, I'm Harry Potter."
"Murdia Malfoy," the woman replied.
"Malfoy?"
"Lucius is my brother," she explained. "And I do hope that he's one of the names on your list of Death Eaters?"
"He is," Harry cautiously confirmed.
"Then it is going to be a pleasure to break him," she said. "We don't get along."
"Good," Harry replied. "He's a death eater, he tried to use an unforgivable on me, and he was responsible for the Basilisk that attacked several students a few years ago."
"Any proof?"
"What counts as proof?" Harry asked.
"Did you witness these events or did you puzzle things out yourself?" She began. "If you witnessed them then we can extract your memories and show them to the court. If you puzzled things out then things will be a bit more difficult."
"I saw some of it," Harry said slowly. "I might have seen him put a diary containing Voldemort's memories in with Ginny's things."
"Anything else?" She asked, making a note to find out who 'Ginny' was later.
"I know . . . I think he was trying to use one of the unforgivables on me but a house elf stopped him."
"A house elf?" She said oddly. "Wouldn't have been named Nappy would it?"
"No, his name is Dobby." Harry said. "Why?"
"It's not important," she replied. "What about the rest?"
"He was there after Voldemort came back to life," Harry said.
"Alright," she began. "I can work with this. The first thing I want to do is have a competent healer take a look at that leg of yours."
"But Madame Pomfrey said . . ."
"Madame Pomfrey is a school nurse," Murdia said sharply. "I'm going to have a proper Healer take a look at your leg. The next thing we're going to do is get a competent Legilimencer check you for mental blocks and memory charms."
"I'd rather not," Harry whispered.
"Why?" Murdia demanded. "Did someone do something to you?"
"Dumbledore had Snape try to teach me Occlumency," Harry said slowly.
"How did he teach you?" The woman said gently. "Tell me Harry."
"He kept telling me to clear my mind," Harry replied. "Then he'd use legilmency to make me . . ."
"It's ok," she said. "I have an idea of what happened."
"Maybe if I'd tried harder," Harry began. "I . . . I just didn't think it was important enough to . . . maybe Sirius wouldn't have died." Harry finished lamely.
"It's not your fault Harry," she said. "The way that man chose to instruct you hasn't been used for quite some time."
"It hasn't?"
"No it hasn't," she agreed. "There are less stressful and more effective ways of learning to secure your mind. We can go over them later if you like."
"Ok," Harry said with a nod.
"You said you were living in the Leaky Cauldron?" She said suddenly.
"Yes."
"We'll work on getting you some place a bit more appropriate later," Mudia began. "I suppose it would be a good time to see that you're properly educated too."
"Properly educated?"
"To take your place in society," she explained. "Etiquette and that sort of thing."
"Do I really have to?"
"Would you like to win your case?" She retorted. "A lot of this is going to be fought in the court of public opinion. If we're going to succeed then we are going to have to get some of the older families on our side."
"Oh . . . I guess."
"Good," Murdia said firmly. "I'd also like to get you an instructor to teach you a formal dueling style."
"Dueling?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Yes," she agreed. "But I want you to keep in mind that the sort of thing you'll be learning won't be as useful in a real fight as one might think. I'll teach you the dirty stuff myself."
"What kind of dirty stuff?"
"Later," Murdia said with a wave. "For the moment, I just want you relax while I get these papers together. Don't hesitate to call if you want anything, I have an elf in the office and she would be happy to take care of any request you might have."
IIIIIIIIII
"You were right Professor," Tonks said. "He checked into the Leaky Cauldron earlier today."
"Excellent," Dumbledore said. "Keep an eye on him but don't allow yourself to be recognised."
"So we're just going to leave him there?"
"For a day or two," Dumbledore agreed. "Then it might be best to have Molly and the children stumble upon him. He may not agree return to Privet Drive but I think we'll be able to persuade him to go to stay with the Weasley family for the remainder of the summer."
"Alright Professor," Tonks agreed. "I can understand that. Harry sure is lucky to have us looking after him isn't he?"
"That he is Nymphadora, that he is."
IIIIIIIIII
"What are you reading?" Murdia asked as she filed the last stack of papers.
"The Prince," Harry said after carefully marking his page. "It's a book on . . ."
"I've read it," Murdia said dryly. "Along with Sun Tzu, von Clausewitz, Xenophon, and many many others. Remind me to give you a reading list later."
"Are they all like this?"
"Same idea," Murdia agreed. "Ready to go back to the Leaky Cauldron?"
"Yeah," Harry said. "Let's go."
Murdia withheld comment as she watched her friend's son painfully make his way down the stairs and towards the Leaky Cauldron. Well, she mused to herself. On the plus side, Lily's son had a little iron. Boy wasn't voicing a word of complaint. Least he was something she could work with, a good artist could turn something wonderful out of bad material but it was nice to start with something.
AN:
Few loose scene Omakes for the above fic.
Harry's meet with his friends . . .
"I don't trust either of you," Harry winced at the bluntness of his statement.
"What?" Hermione asked. She felt sick to her stomach.
"Why?" Ron shouted looking like he was about to explode.
"It's for his own good," Harry said fighting to keep his face impassive. "Is that what he told you when he decided not to let me have any news?"
"Harry . . ." Hermione looked like she was about to burst into tears.
"If you've done that once then how am I to know that you haven't done it before or since?" Harry asked, he wished they hadn't pushed him into this conversation, "how am I to know that you won't do it again?"
"Mate I . . ." Ron couldn't meet his friend's eye.
"And that's without mentioning Ron's behavior at the triwizard," Harry added. "I'm sorry to mention this but why should I trust either of you when you've given me so much reason not to? But let's say I did trust you, let's say that I was willing to give you my secrets . . . anyone could look into your minds and take them. If my life has taught me anything it's that it's best I not trust anyone."
"Oh Harry." Hermione seemed to crumble and her body was racked with sobs.
"I'm sorry mate." Ron looked lost. "I . . . I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Harry waved it off. "Just because I can never trust either of you doesn't mean we can't be friends, maybe we can hang out sometime."
"Sure," Ron replied absently then his legs wouldn't support him any longer and he fell back into his chair. "If you like."
"Great," Harry said enthusiastically. "I'll see you two around, and have a nice life if I don't."
"Oh Ron." Hermione regained some control as Harry left the room. "What have we done?"
Dumbledore has been skimming off the top to pay for things around the school and the order . . .
"Surely those that have greater resources should have a greater share to pay," Dumbledore protested. "Are you so concerned with money that you would ignore the greater good?"
The goblins have been helping him . . .
"Then it may be best to tell you that I am going to file papers against you and Gringotts as soon as I get back to my office," she said with her trade mark cold smile.
"Gringotts is exempt from Ministry law," the goblin said smugly. "If you have a ligitamate complaint against the bank then you must take it to the Committee of Resolution. I might add that the committee hasn't found in favor of a human in . . . well, it's never found in favor of a human. I'd have thought a solicitor as accomplished as yourself would know that."
"Oh but I do," Murdia replied. "You see, the papers filed will be nothing more then a formality."
"A formality?" The goblin asked suspiciously.
"Yes," Murdia agreed. "You see, I don't intend to face you in either the Ministry court or the goblin one. I intend to try you in the court of public opinion. Imagine if you will the effect of every wizard learning of Gringotts violation of the agreements, imagine every wizard in the United Kingdom learning that Gringotts can not be trusted with their savings. What do you think would happen?"
"You can't do this," the goblin gasped. "It would ruin the goblin nation."
"It would." She said coldly. "Care to settle out of court?"
"What are your terms?"
The usual suspects ending . . .
"Thank you all for coming." Harry regarded the assembled reporters with a look that Snape would have envied. "As many of you may know, I am the subject of a prophecy that states roughly that a person matching my description will defeat a dark lord bearing some resemblance to Voldemort."
"Mist . . . Mister Potter," one of the reporters began. "Have you planned your next move?"
"I have," Harry agreed. "I plan to leave the United Kingdom and Voldemort behind to start a new life."
"But what about the prophecy?"
"Don't you get it?" Harry asked with a grin. "He's your problem now, you made him and it's your responsibility to destroy him. I stopped him as a babe, I stopped him as a child, I've fought him my entire life and I'm ready for a change. Thanks for the memories and don't bother looking for me." With that, Harry limped painfully out of the room and through the building. His limp began to fade as he walked up the street until it disappeared at the end of the block.
"How'd it go?" Murdia was waiting with a portkey.
"If they have any sense they'll use this as an excuse to solve their own problems, if not . . . well then they deserve what they get."
And a couple Omakes that have nothing to do with the above story . . .
OMAKE: Boys night out . . .
"Here's another one," Neville said drunkenly. "What would you rather be; a girl, or a werewolf."
"Werewolf," Ron said immediately. "Either way you turn into a ravenous blood thirsty creature once a month. But at least werewolves get that whole super sense thing."
"That and you don't loose your boys."
"Yeah, and most of them don't object to being locked up to prevent them from hurting someone."
"Not to mention the fact that they only turn into a beast at night," Dean laughed. "Eh Harry . . . Harry?"
Harry was staring at the entrance to the pub with a look of profound horror on his face and the only thing that kept him from wetting himself was the knowledge that he hadn't participated in the conversation.
"You ok mate?" Ron asked. "Mate?"
Harry just sort of shrunk, as if he hoped to fade into the chair and escape notice.
"Forget him," Seamus muttered. "But get this one guys, what's worse then being a girl?"
"What?"
"Girl werewolf," Seamus shouted. "Figure that cancels out the good of . . . oh hell."
"What is it Sea . . ." Ron spent a few moments staring at the group of angry girls standing a few feet away. "When did you guys get here?"
"Right when Neville started talking," Hermione said with a frightening smile.
"It was a very informative conversation," Lavender agreed.
"Don't worry guys," Neville slurred. "S'not a full moon, we're safe."
"Get em."
Harry didn't know what happened next and he hoped he never would. Using the finely honed instincts he'd developed through years of combat with Voldemort and his death eaters. Allowing his eyes to roll up into his head, Harry passed out and slid under the table.
OMAKE: You gotta recycle . . .
"So I was wondering," Harry began. "Where does all the food in Hogwarts come from?"
"I . . . I don't know," Hermione replied. "Maybe . . . hmmm."
"I'll go ask Dobby," Harry volunteered.
"You do that," Hermione agreed.
Harry walked down to the kitchen and was able to locate the aforementioned house elf without too much trouble. "Hey Dobby?"
"Yes Harry Potter sir?"
"I was wondering if you could tell me where all the food in Hogwarts comes from?"
"Yes Harry Potter sir," Dobby agreed. "Follow Dobby." The little elf took him through a dizzying array of passages until they were in front of a large door. "In here Harry Potter sir." They went through the large door and Harry had to resist the urge to vomit.
"Is this?"
"The cesspool Harry Potter sir," Dobby agreed. "Watch." Harry watched in horror as several house elves waved their hands over the pool of filth and transfigured into vegetables and loaves of bread.
"Don't tell me . . ."
"We is recycling Harry Potter sir," Dobby said.
"I . . . Dobby, could you do me a favor?"
"Yes Harry Potter sir?"
"Could you buy me some food from the muggle world?" Harry asked desperately. "I'll let you use the gold in my vault."
"Yes Harry Potter sir, Dobby can do that. But . . . why?"
"I . . . uh . . .enjoy cooking," Harry said. "And . . . it's a hobby of mine and I miss it."
"Dobby understands Harry Potter sir," Dobby said. "Dobby will arrange it."
Two days later . . .
"Hey Ron, have you noticed anything odd about Harry?"
"Aside from the fact that he's been making his own meals?" Ron asked.
"Yeah."
"He won't go into the great hall during meal times," Ron said after a moment of thought. "And he looked like he was going to vomit when I brought some of that pudding back to the dorm for a midnight snack."
"Odd isn't it?"
"That's Harry."
AN: Seen a lot of fics that have the wizarding world buy all of their food from the muggle world. Figured that I'd write up another way of doing it. So what's the fall out? Harry eventually breaks and tells his friends, the pureblood students don't see anything odd about it, might even say that it's no different then what happens in nature . . . just a bit faster. The muggle born join Harry and write home to their parents for their meals or arrange to get Harry to share.