Disclaimer: Don't read this, I've been up for two days and my mind is playing bad tricks on me.

No Really, Don't Read This

Listen to The Disclaimer

YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME

"Oh god not again," Harry groaned. "What year is it?"

"Hem hem."

"You again?" Harry asked in shock. "Well I'll soon take care of you toadus explodus." Everyone watched the toad like woman explode. "And that takes care of that, uh deathus earters killus."

"ARG," Snape screamed. "My freaking ears."

"Uh . . . oops, deathus eaterus killus quicus and voldeus toous," Harry added. "And that's that."

"Harry could you," Dumbledore tried to get the young boy's attention.

"Came back in time by mistake," Harry said. "It happens, frigging annoying though. I was in the middle of my wedding night this time."

"With who?" Hermione called out.

"You . . . this time."

"What do you mean this time?" Hermione demanded.

"Second marriage," Harry explained. "For both of us. Well . . . sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?"

"Might wanna work on that loop," Harry said. "You and Ron were married for two days, didn't work out though. You got an annulment because you never ended up consummating the marriage. Apparently, no one ever gave Ron the talk about how to insert tab 'a' into slot 'b' and it freaked him out so much that he didn't want anything to do with you."

"What's slot 'b' Harry?" Ron asked.

"Ask Professor McGonagall to explain it to you later," Harry said. "And have her get Dumbledore's help, he has charts."

"Thanks mate," Ron cheered.

"So what happened with your marriage?" Hermione persisted.

"Ginny."

"YES."

"But it only lasted two months," Harry continued dashing the girl's hopes. "You don't even want to know the kinds of things she's into. Oh, that and she's narcissistic."

"So then we got together?"

"No they decided to switch and Ron started chasing me while Ginny chased you, not really sure why they did it. Might have been those paint chips they were eating . . . uh . . . Ron thought they were wall candy."

"Why did Ron think that?"

"I think you were still angry about the whole failed marriage thing," Harry mused. "Not really sure though. Anyway, the two of us started sleeping together so that we'd have someone to watch our backs and because four eyes were better then two. One thing led to another and we started dating and got married . . . so did Ron and Ginny."

"To who?" Hermione asked. "Harry . . . no . . . tell me you're joking."

"They're expecting twins," Harry said with a sick look on his face. "She likes his red hair and he likes the fact that she's one of the boys and it doesn't feel weird to be around her after hearing the talk. I just don't want to think about it."

"Oh god," Ginny fled the room with a sick look on her face and Ron followed . . . for about three steps and then he thought better of it and went to another part of the castle.

"Well . . . that was satisfying," Harry said to himself. "Gets them both back for that whole failed marriage anyway."

"Harry that wasn't true was it?"

"Some of it," Harry said with a shrug. "Your marriage really did end that way, Molly couldn't stop apologizing and blaming Arthur. Ron spent three years in St. Mungos and even then he refused to be alone in a room with you."

"And your marriage with Ginny?"

"Caught her with Lavender, Dean, and Professor Dumbledore the day before the wedding. She said she just needed one last wild memory, I said the wedding was off. Arthur couldn't stop apologizing for that one and kept shooting glares at Molly."

"Oh."

"Yep, was one of the . . . more memorable weeks in my life anyway."

"Weeks?"

"Your mother thought it would be romantic if we all had our weddings in the same week and Molly agreed."

"So what now?"

"Now I'm going to forget all this ever happened, and I suggest you do the same."

"Except for that look of dawning horror on their faces?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Except for that."

AN: I warned you, I warned you all but did you listen? Huh? On your head be it, I didn't want to write this and I suggested that none of you read it but you had to ignore my warning didn't you. Well you get no sympathy from me. On the other hand, wouldn't that be a great joke to play on a guy?