Disclaimer: Staring into the sun is bad for your eyes.

Tea for Four ends the War

"I'll send you the paperwork soon," Narcissa assured the newest member of her family. "Keep in touch."

"You too Cissy," Luna hugged the older woman. "Bye Bella, Andy, don't be strangers."

"Goodbye Luna," Bella kissed the young girl on the cheek. "Let me say again how pleased I am to have a sensible girl like yourself joining the family."

With one last hug, the girls split up to carryout their own part of the plan.

Luna walked away from the door and to the fireplace. After tossing in a handful of floo, Luna called out her destination and jumped in.

"Stup . . . Luna, what are you doing here?" Hermione shouted. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine," Luna replied. "Why, are we under attack?"

"No we're not, everything is fine."

"Good"

"Good"

"So why did you ask me to come here?" Luna asked innocently.

"I . . . so what's new in your life?" Hermione said in defeat.

"I think you'll be happy to know about some interesting things that are happening in my life," Luna began.

"What?" Hermione took the bait

"I'm soon going to have access to the largest private library in England." Luna said proudly, "and I'll also have a rather massive fortune with which to buy more books."

"Tell me what to do to get access to it and I'll do it," Hermione loomed over the smaller girl. "I'll do anything . . . anything."

"Ok," Luna agreed. "But you have to swear an unbreakable wizards oath that you'll do one thing for me."

"What thing?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Nothing much," Luna replied. "Something similar to what you'd do anyway."

"I'll do it," Hermione agreed quickly. "What is it?"

"Good," Luna replied with a grin. "Now hold out your hand and we'll get things over and done with."

Grumbling a bit, Hermione held out her hand and completed the oath. "Now talk."

"I'm marrying Harry," Luna said. "And you're going to help me by becoming Harry's mistress."

"I can't do that," Hermione said in outrage.

"You entered an unbreakable oath," Luna reminded the other girl. "You do not want to break it, aside from the consequences there is a nasty fine."

"A fine?"

"If you manage to survive," Luna explained, leaving out the fact that the survival rate hovered just under one hundred percent and that the term 'unbreakable oath' was just a marketing ploy.

"I suppose I have no choice," Hermione said reluctantly. Damn it, if only she'd read that book on oaths . . . but the new version of Hogwarts a History had just come out and she'd just had to have that so . . .

"Then you just have to agree to be Harry's mistress."

"Ok," Hermione said in defeat.

"And I'll be Harry's wife . . . oh it'll be so much fun."

"I only have one question," Hermione mustered up her remaining courage and spoke in a steady tone.

"What is it?" Luna asked quickly.

"Does Harry know about this?"

"Oh poo, I knew I forgot something . . . well, that's nothing that we can't take care of later."

IIIIIIIIII

"You wanted to speak with me Mum," Tonks asked with a frown. "You don't want me to stop chasing Remus do you?"

"No I've accepted the fact that you can't do any better," Andy said with a fake frown. "And I think he'll be good for you."

"Wha . . ."

"No what I wanted to do is forbid you from becoming Harry Potter's mistress," Andy interrupted her daughter. "Now I realise that I can't stop you from doing this due to a number of silly pure blood laws. But I'm telling you, as your mother that I do not want you from even considering it."

"You can't tell me what to do," Tonks screamed falling back on old patterns of behavior.

"I'm your mother, I just want what's best for you Dora."

"Grrr," Tonks stormed off.

"Excellent," Andy rubbed her hands together.

IIIIIIIIII

"You, you, you, and . . . you." Bella picked out several of the more attractive werewolves in her master's service. "You're fired, now go seduce this man and take lots of pictures."

"He's kinda cute," one of the werewolf wenches commented on Remus's picture.

"Just make him happy, very happy, and take lots of pictures." Bella commanded, "and bring a few friends."

"I don't think my twin sister's doing anything tonight," one of them mused.

"Whatever," Bella waved it off. "And stay with him till I tell you otherwise." Bella giggled to herself, that would keep him from interfering . . . and pay him back for being a decent sort about her niece. She'd never liked him in the past but debts must be paid and all that.

IIIIIIIIII

"Dora is that you dear?" Narcissa was waiting to meet Tonks when the girl stormed into the local watering hole. "What's wrong?"

"Aunt Narcissa," Tonks said coldly.

"Oh don't be like that dear, we both know you're back in the family so it's perfectly alright to stop pretending to hate each other. Why, your mother and I have started having tea every week to catch up on things. Now sit down and tell me what's bothering you."

"Well . . . "

"Bartender, bring my niece something to drink . . . now."

The nervous man quickly complied and Tonks took a seat.

"It's mum," Tonks said. "She's dead set on ruining my love life. And for some reason she just forbid me from becoming Harry Potter's mistress . . . not that he isn't a good sort and everything but I'm not sure I want to be anyone's mistress. All I want is a decent guy of my own that cares about me for me."

"You may have to resign yourself to sharing dear," Narcissa said lightly. "Good men are impossible to find."

"But what about . . ."

"You aren't really going to suggest that my husband is a good man are you?" Narcissa interrupted with a smile. "He's useful and rich but also arrogant and stupid. If he weren't so wrapped up in that little club of his then I'm not sure I'd stay married to him. Afterall, accidents are so easy to arrange."

"Uh . . . right."

"But you know what you should do to really show your mother?" Narcissa asked with a wicked grin. "You should fill out these official mistress forms and show them to her."

"Yeah . . . uh . . . why did you have these with you?"

"I'd be happy to talk about my personal life later," Narcissa said primly. "But right now we're talking about yours."

"O . . . k."

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello Ginny," Luna said to her friend. "I have some exciting news to share with you."

"What is it Luna?"

"I'm getting married to Harry," Luna said. "And you're invited."

"What?" Ginny asked dully.

"I thought a small wedding would be best," Luna continued. "So don't spread it around."

"But Harry was supposed to marry me," Ginny whined. "Luna how could you."

"That's right," Luna said with a slow nod. "You like Harry too don't you. Hmmm . . . I already told Hermione that she could be his mistress soooooooo." Luna's eyes widened in triumph. "That means you can be my mistress."

"Luna wha . . ." Ginny cut off as the strange blond embraced her and proceeded to give her a toe curling kiss.

"Oh it will be ever so much fun."

"Huh?" Ginny returned to earth a few hours later. "What just happened?"

IIIIIIIIII

"You," Narcissa strolled into the ministry and grabbed one of her husband's pet employees.

"Me?" The man asked nervously.

"I need you to file these papers," she handed him the marriage and official mistress contracts. "Now."

"Yes ma'am." The flunky agreed quickly.

IIIIIIIIII

"Potter has three girl friends?" Voldemort asked incredulously, "and they all know about each other?"

"Yes my lord," the death eater replied nervously. "And I'm told that he's getting married to a fourth girl."

"Damn . . . Bella, take a letter." Voldemort called out, "Potter . . . no scratch that, dear Harry. I think it's time that we end this silly little war. I am sure that you are tired of all this fighting and I know I am so I'd like to propose a solution to this conflict. You allow me to take the island of Azkaban and a few of the surrounding islands and I will agree to never ever bother you again and to stop attacking people all the time and what not. Sincerely yours, yadda yadda yadda."

"I shall send it right away my lord," Bella promised.

"Forgive me for asking my lord," one of the death eaters began.

"You want to know why I'm giving up," Voldemort said with a nod. "Anyone that can convince four girls to enter an arrangement like Potter has is a ruthless cunning bastard, we'd never stand a chance against such a mind . . . Crucio."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry reread the letter for the fifteenth time and he still couldn't believe it.

"This can't be right," Harry muttered to himself. "Dark Lords don't just retire . . . do they?

AN: One thing before I begin, it's not Harry's Harem . . . it's Luna's. I usually write pairings as an excuse to write more about the character. Hermione is my favorite character so I tend to use her a lot, I love Luna and she's fun to write, hmmm what else, it's all based on what the story wants and who I like to write about. This fic started with the idea that Luna wants to date Harry but is worried that Hermione is too territorial and will ruin things, an idea she got from listening to Cho's angry rants or some such. After that I started thinking about solutions for that problem and I married it to an idea about Harry having to marry because he's Sirius's heir, something you see a lot of. This concludes my notes, though I do have one thing to say before I sign off. If being Sirius's heir forces Harry to marry someone, then why the hell wasn't Sirius forced to marry someone? I know authors aren't supposed to point out the plot holes in their own stories but . . .

Omake: Dobby can help you relax, blame nonjon

"What's wrong Harry Potter sir?" Dobby asked.

"I have two mistresses and I'm betrothed to another girl," Harry replied. "And my betrothed has her own mistress. I know I said I wanted a big family but not like this."

"Why doesn't Harry Potter sir have his girly friends help him relax?"

"I can't do that," Harry said. "It wouldn't be right."

"Then Dobby will help Harry Potter sir . . . relax."

"That's ok Dobby," Harry said as he backed out of the room quickly. "I think I'll ask the girls for help after all."

"If they won't help then Dobby will," the little elf maintained. "Even if Dobby has to force Harry Potter sir for his own good."

"Oh god," Harry fled the room in search of one of the girls.

"Thank you Dobby," Luna's voice appeared out of nothingness. "I was starting to become quite cross with him."

"Missy Tonky was also frustrated," Dobby supplied helpfully. "And Dobby is always happy to help Harry Potter sir and his Loony and his Hermy and his Tonky."

"Thank you Dobby."

Omake: Not the way I pictured this confrontation.

"You tortured my parents into insanity," Neville screamed.

"And they killed several of my best friends including my sister in law," Bellatrix retorted. "Are you sure you want to have this conversation?"

"What?"

"It was a war," Bellatrix said with a shrug. "Things like that happen in war and your parents made that thing happen more then most of them did."

"My parents . . . "

"My sister in law wasn't a Death Eater," Bellatrix said harshly. "Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They raided the place and I saw your mother hit her with a cutting curse across the neck, she was five months pregnant."