Disclaimer: Never get between a house elf nanny and her charge.

Dobby the Great

"Well?" The Director of Magical Law Enforcement demanded. "What do we know about the Granger case?"

"Nothing," Amelia said firmly. "We do suspect quite a bit though."

"Let's have it."

"We think the father was . . . is an Unspeakable named Martin McCoy who worked in the potions research department, colleagues say that he was a brilliant researcher that had an odd obsession with teeth. He covered his tracks fairly well but he did leave us a hint as to his true identity."

"What was it?"

"His name," Amelia said with a smile. "Granger, Martin was related to a potions master with the same name."

"And the mother?"

"Maggy Moody," Amelia replied. "Mad Eye's niece. The two of them disappeared a few months earlier then the girl, Hermione was born."

"Good work Amelia." She turned to the other Auror. "Did we get anything useful out of the house elves?"

"I think so," the man said slowly. "Near as I can tell. The Grangers sent their house elf to get help from the Potter house elf . . ."

"Why?"

"They seem to think that there is a betrothal contract in place," the Auror replied. "The Granger house elf was quite firm that Harry Potter sir get his Hermy?"

"I see," the Director laughed. "Do we have any way of confirming this?"

"James Potter and Martin McCoy were good friends," Amelia said. "And Maggy got along quite well with Lily."

"And the Potter house elf agrees," the other Auror added. "As I was saying, the Granger house elf got the Potter house elf who went to the Lovegoods for help. While this happened, the Granger house elf went to get Harry Potter . . . presumably so that he could comfort his betrothed."

"Go on."

"The Potter house elf arrived at the Lovegood home to find that Angelina Lovegood was badly injured. It then saved her life at the urging of Luna Lovegood . . . that's Angelina's daughter."

"We know what happens after that," the Director said with a nod.

"Uh . . . one more thing."

"What is it?"

"The Potter house elf has decided that Luna Lovegood is betrothed to Harry Potter . . . presumably to repay the life debt it received by saving her mother's life."

"Has anyone thought to explain to the elf that the boy can only marry one girl?"

"The elves insist that Harry Potter sir must have both his 'Hermy' and his 'Loveygood.' They've threatened some fairly dire things to anyone that tries to prevent the marriage."

"What?"

"The . . . uh . . . Granger house elf added that harming wizards was perfectly legal so long as it was in defence of its master," the Auror added quickly. "Both house elves agree that taking Harry Potter sir's betrothed away or trying to prevent the three way marriage is harmful."

"Just what I needed," the Director sighed. "Another mess."

"Yes sir," he agreed. "We've got an expert on house elves outside waiting to meet with you should you wish it."

"Fine, let's see this expert then."

The Auror opened the door and motioned towards a person outside.

"Thank you for meeting with me Director," a woman that was presumably the expert said.

"What's your take on this?"

"First of all, I wouldn't do anything to separate the house elves and the children."

"Why?"

"There was a case about seventy five years ago," the expert replied. "A group of Dark Wizards broke into a home and killed a young couple. After that they went to the nursery to finish wiping out the line and found a house elf sitting with the child. When it became clear that they intended to harm the child, the house elf screamed 'you must not hurt baby Jenny' before dispatching ten fully trained wizards."

"What?"

"One house elf killed ten wizards," the expert repeated herself. "Killed them before they could get off a single spell. After that she cleaned up the bodies and put them out with the other trash. Director, if you do anything that the house elves see as a threat to the children then there is a good chance that it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Why doesn't this happen more often?" Amelia asked. "I know that there were house elves at some of the houses attacked by 'you-know-who' so why didn't they do something?"

"They might not have liked their owners," the expert said with a shrug. "Who knows. You have to remember that house elves are flighty creatures. Most of them would also be considered to insane to be allowed in public if they were human."

"So what you're saying is that we have two insane and fanatically loyal house elves on our hands?"

"Yes Director."

"Hmmm, maybe retirement isn't such a bad idea after all. How's you like this job Amelia? Good pay, underlings, free food . . ."

"I'd love it sir."

"Great then . . ."

"After you clean up this mess."

"Damn it."

IIIIIIIIII

"Let's play house," Hermione suggested to the other two children. "I'll be the mummy, Harry can be the daddy, and Luna . . ."

"Can be mummy number two," Sneezy said firmly.

"You can't have two mummies," Hermione replied.

"Dobby thinks that Harry Potter should have his Hermy and his Lovygood," Dobby replied.

"Ok . . ."

IIIIIIIIII

"So that's it then?" Hermione's father asked. "That's who I really am?"

"A brilliant wizard that did everything he could to protect his daughter," the Healer said firmly. "One so brilliant that he managed to acquire the necessary skills and credentials to survive and thrive in the muggle world. Do you think many wizards could have done what you did?"

"Wasn't that hard," he replied. "A bit of study . . ."

"Wasn't that hard?" The Healer asked in shock. "You are a muggle tooth healer, a noble and difficult profession. One you virtually created in the magical world."

"Really?"

"Nine out of ten spells and potions dealing with the treatment and healing of teeth were invented by you," the Healer agreed. "Come on man, think for a minute."

AN: Not sure if I'll write more of this, it's a fun idea but I'm loosing intrest. Tell me if you want it.

Omake: Winky

"Winky can be Harry Potter sir's house elf too," Dobby suggested.

"Winky really can?" The elf asked hopefully.

"Uh huh," Harry agreed. "You really can."

"Horay for the great Harry Potter sir," the little elf sobbed. It took a few hours to calm her down and after they did, she spent a few more in a whispered conversation with Dobby and Sneezy. "Winky wants to find a wife for the great Harry Potter sir too," the little elf said loudly.

Omake: Dudley

"I want an evil monkey butler too," Dudley screamed. "How come the freak gets one and I don't."

"Uh . . ." Vernon and Petunia shared a helpless look.

Omake: To Prevent Genocide

It was the middle of the first week and everyone had gathered in the Great Hall for their afternoon mean. When suddenly, Draco let out a heart rendering scream.

"Draco, what's wrong?" Pansy asked. "Are you alright?"

"Pansy?" He croaked, "you're alive."

"Of course I am Draco."

"What about Granger and Weasley?" Draco demanded. "Lovegood, Longbottom, the others?"

"They're all fine too," Pansy said oddly. "Unfortunately."

"Thank god," Draco said in relief.

"What's going on Draco?"

"Things were desperate," Draco said in a hollow voice. "We were being hunted like animals. Magic . . . magic was dieing and it was all our fault."

"What happened?" Daphne demanded. She wasn't sure she believed the idiot, but it couldn't hurt to keep up appearance.

"The Dark Lord returned and fulfilled his every promise," Draco said with a nostalgic smile. "We had them on the run, every day more and more of them fell."

"And he turned on us?" Tracy guessed.

"No . . . no, we made a terrible mistake." Draco said with a shiver. "We cornered what was left of the Order in an old house and gave them five seconds to surrender . . . they refused."

"So?"

"So we set the place on fire," Draco continued. "The Dark Lord even cast a charm that would keep the flames cool and the air good so as to draw things out. They screamed for hours before they finally succumbed to their wounds."

"Sounds glorious."

"It was," Draco agreed. "We found Granger and the Weasel in the basement, they'd been killed when the house collapsed and their faces were twisted into expressions of horror. It was a miracle that they were sill recognizable and the Dark Lord saw his chance to break the sole survivor."

"What happened?"

"He took their heads and sent them to Potter," Draco said with a smile. "We weren't sure why he wasn't with the others, but it didn't matter. We figured that it would only increase the fun and we laughed when we pictured him reading our note that questioned his courage for abandoning his friends to die."

"Potter didn't break?"

"He did," Draco said with a look of fear. "He dropped the vaneer of civilization that he had shown the world and we learned what he was truly capable of. Women, children, the elderly, even neutrals were all hunted. Potter didn't seem to care, it was like everything he cared about was gone leaving nothing he wished to save."

"Surely one man . . ."

"He was no man," Draco snapped. "He was a demon, a Dark Lord above all others. He . . . he used to take his victims to the burnt patch of ground where his friends died when he tired of them. There he would impale them." Draco paused to take a calming breath. "There he would impale them to keep their comrades company. We put up charms to prolong the suffering of his friends and he returned the favor one hundred fold. They'd be there for months, years in some cases before they were allowed to die."

"This can't be true."

"If only it weren't," Draco said wistfully. "In the end, there were four of us left. We knew it was only a matter of time before Potter came for us and we had originally planned to beat him to the punch. To kill ourselves to deny him the satisfaction of doing it himself, but plans change."

"You came back."

"It was pure luck we found the spell," Draco said. "The lives and magic of the others providing just enough power to send me back. We . . . we drew lots to see who would do it and I came up short."

AN: Draco came from a future where Harry stopped playing nice. Draco is evil but came back not to prevent a greater evil, but to prevent he death of his entire way of live and everyone he ever knew. I see this Draco doing his best to avoid provoking Harry and his friends, doing the his damnedest to protect his hated foes (minus Harry, if he dies then everything is good), and wetting himself is Harry looks at him wrong.

Omake: Advantages

"You've both been dating me?" Harry demanded. "How could you do this to me?"

"We wanted to tell you," Padma said quickly. "But we were afraid of how you'd react."

"We both like you," Parvati agreed. "We're sorry . . . perhaps we could show you the advantages of dating twin sisters?"

"What advantages?" Harry growled. "Every time one of you gets tired, you switch off. I can't keep up."

"Well," Padma said with a sultry grin.

"Why don't we show you?"

Harry thought up his response after six sticky hours and mustered the energy after another four. "Oh . . . forget about that whole being angry thing, you're the best girlfriends a guy could ask for."

AN: Goes with Working in Shifts