Disclaimer: Just another expanded Omake.
Sold
"Hermione . . . is that you?" Harry's nervous voice sounded tinny through the phone.
"Harry . . . Harry what is it?" Hermione demanded. "Are you ok?"
"You know how your dad wanted to go out drinking with me yesterday?"
"He found you?" Hermione asked in shock. "Wards that keep wizards out and my dad goes right through them."
"Yeah . . . um, he said he looked up the Dursleys and found me after the third try."
"Something wizards would have never thought of," Hermione laughed. "So you went out with my dad then? Where'd you go?"
"Some local pub," Harry replied. "Your dad knew the Publican so . . ."
"You went to uncle Terry's place?" Hermione interrupted.
"Uh . . ."
"Welsh Dragon and a British Lion on the sign?" She clairafied.
"Sounds like the place."
"Oh . . . so did you try the house brew?"
"Just a bit," Harry admitted. "But . . . uh . . . while we were drinking, your father . . . sort of . . . offered to sell you to me."
"He's still doing that," Hermione giggled.
"So I told him I had about two quid and he took my offer . . ."
"Wish I'd been there to see that, not many people play along."
"And Gringotts sent me a letter asking if I wanted to store you in my vault," Harry said in a rush. "It's five Galleons a month for the basic plan, a one time fee of ten if I want to keep you in stasis, and the price goes up if I want to keep you in style."
"Oh you'd better keep me in style Harry Potter," Hermione said mock sternly, expecting Harry to laugh with her. The silence over the line began to make her nervous. "Harry . . . Harry you were joking weren't you?"
"Joke you say? Well, that's the thing. To be honest, Hermione, we stopped joking around the time we got the letter from Gringotts. You see, neither of us suspected goblins to be the type to play along. Especially going such lengths to do so."
"Harry." she managed in warning tone
"So of course we went to them to clarify the situation. And apparently according to goblins we entered magically binding contract. Your father tried to argue that for a contract to be valid there has to be
not only contractual capacity but also intent to be bound by the contract but well... you know how far behind magical world is legal-wise..."
"Are you telling me that just because you played along..."
"Basically. I didn't catch all the details but from what I understood when a wizard is contracting with Muggle intent of the parties is not taken into account. It has something to do with an old law that was
supposed to enable magical merchants to use compulsion charms to sell..."
"I don't care!" Hermione cut in interrupting a historical anecdote, proving her distress "I'm not some goods you can buy or sell. I'm a person!"
"Well apparently since you are Muggleborn..."
"Don't finish the sentence... Just don't."
"Sorry . . ."
"It's okay Harry," Hermione sighed, "we'll find a way to fix things."
"I'm sure," Harry agreed, "um . . . I haven't told you the worst part yet."
"What is it?" Hermione sounded tired.
"I'm not sure I should tell you over the phone," Harry demurred. "I think I should tell you in person . . . course it'd be harder for you to strangle me through the phone."
"It's not the kind of thing you share over the phone but you told me that my father sold me to you over the phone?"
"I wanted you to hear it from me," Harry explained, "it was the only way I could be sure to contact you before Gringotts had a chance to."
"I suppose I can accept that," Hermione agreed, "come over and share the rest of your news Harry."
IIIIIIIII
Gringotts had agreed to keep the news that Harry Potter had purchased a slave girl strictly confidential until Harry agreed that the information could be released. As a practical matter, this just meant that they charged twenty percent more for the information then would have otherwise been the case. Around the country, people considered the information they read in special editions of the Quibbler and the Prophet. A dozen plans were discarded and a dozen more were formed, Harry Potter was about to learn the true meaning of the old chinese curse.
IIIIIIIIII
Hermione's father pulled to a stop in front of his modest house and made no move to get out of the car.
"Aren't you coming?" Harry asked.
"My daughter has a very healthy set of lungs," he said conversationally, "I'm fairly sure she's in there, just waiting for a chance to vent her frustration on one of us for this little . . . misunderstanding."
"And?"
"And between the two of us, I think she might hold me at least partially responsible for what happened."
"You don't say?" Harry asked dryly.
"I know," he agreed, "but that's something you're going to have to learn kid. Women are irrational, even my little girl casts aside logic whenever it suits her purposes."
"So . . ."
"You're on your own," he agreed, "you go in there and I'm going to try to sneak past to hide in my office. There's a lock on the door and a weeks worth of food left from that time I had to hide out and wait for the noodle incident to blow over, I'm sure my lovely daughter and charming wife will be back to normal by then . . . if they kill you, I'll erect a statue to you in the front yard or something."
"Gee thanks."
"Nothing too ostentatious mind you," he continued. "Possibly a lawn gnome with Harry written on it or something . . ."
"I'll just be going then."
"Go with god my son."
Harry gathered his things and nervously approached the front door. He raised his hand to knock but the door was jerked open before he had a chance to reveal a scowling Hermione.
"Um . . . the goblins said that this was for you," He thrust a box into her hands. Hermione stared into the open box, her expression frozen as Harry grew increasingly nervous.
"And what, exactly, is this supposed to be?" she gritted at last through clenched teeth.
"Um, your collar?" Harry replied hesitantly. As Hermione's expression grew even more forbidding he hastily continued, "According to Grugtlank, if I don't want to keep you, um, 'en hareem' I think he called it...well, anyway, you need to wear that to show that you're the, uh, property of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter; that'll keep any Purebloods from bothering you and risking being sanctioned by the Wizengamot." He tried a small smile, which faded quickly in the face of her continuing bad temper.
"And what else does it do, if I may be permitted to ask?" she said stonily, huffing when Harry looked at her blankly. "I can feel the magic on this, Harry, and it's much more than a simple identifying charm. So what else does it do?"
Harry tried looking anywhere but at Hermione's face, finally settling for looking at his feet while he blushed furiously. "According to the Goblins, as my concubine you're only allowed to perform...certain
activities with me." He glanced up quickly to gauge her reaction before continuing, "The collar ensures that you can't break those rules, and that anyone who tries to force you to won't survive the attempt."
"Harry James Potter," Hermione growled, her voice rising with each word, "do you mean to tell me that you want me to wear A CHASTITY BELT!?"
IIIIIIIIII
Hermione's father watched his daughter berate the sacra . . . er . . . young man that had so generously agreed to be the distraction. If his calculations were correct, his lovely wife would be going towards the disturbance leaving him plenty of time to slip through the back door. He tiptoed in and closed it behind him. And into his office where . . . where his unfortunately intelligent wife was waiting for him.
"Hello darling," he said with a large grin, "why don't you go see what has Hermione so worked up?"
"She already told me," his wife said with no expression on her face.
"She did?"
"So let me get this straight. You sold our daughter to her best friend, the one who's so shy and noble that he blushes when she hugs him and won't even touch her without an engraved invitation stating her acceptance of physical contact?"
"Errr, yes?" He agreed with sweat pouring down his face.
"Brilliant! I thought I was going to have to wait until I was fifty before I could get grandkids out of those two!"
"I'm glad you agree," he said happily, "shall we lock the door?"
"We've got two weeks of food and two gallons of lubricant," she said with a sultry grin.
"I love you."
IIIIIIIIII
Luna walked into her father's office, wearing a pristine white dress and a determined expression on her face. Her father watched as she lowered his chair and wheeled it out from behind the desk. Luna took his former position and glared down at him.
"Lovegood," she said with a frown, "I'm of the mind to do a bit of business with you."
"What can I do for you?"
"You have a daughter named Luna I believe," she said with a cruel smile.
"Yes?"
"It just so happens that I'm in the market for a girl," she laughed, "I'll give you two galleons for her."
"No . . . my daughter may be worth two galleons to you but to me she's worthless, I won't sell."
"Why look what we have here," she pulled a stack of documents out of his desk, "these appear to be the deeds to your house and the Quibbler . . . shame if you lost them now hmmm? You know what nargles do to homeless young girls, after all."
"No . . . you can't," he sobbed, "she's all I have."
"All you had," Luna corrected, "sign the paperwork."
"How will I break the news to my poor innocent baby girl?"
"That's not my problem Lovegood," Luna said coldly. "I believe our business here is concluded."
"Wait," he begged as she was about to walk out of the room, "what do you plan to do with my innocent little girl?"
"Harry Potter has a birthday coming up and I owe him years of gifts," she replied with a smirk. "I dare say your little girl won't be innocent much longer." Her cruel laughter echoed in his ears as she walked out of his office.
"Why," he sobbed, "why did I . . . oh god what have I done." He took several deep breaths before walking to the door. "Luna, could you come in here for a moment? I have some bad news for you."
"What is it daddy?" Luna skipped into his office in her wearing a black suit that Snidely Whiplash would have been proud of and looked up at him with wide trusting eyes.
"I...I'm afraid Luna has bought you and intends to give you to Harry Potter as a Birth Day gift." Mr. Lovegood said haltingly.
Luna tilted her head to the side. "That can't be right. That would be the nicest thing she ever did for me and I'm wearing the black suit, so I'm the good twin for today."
"I know, honey, it really threw me too."
"Unless..." Luna examined the calender. "Nope, it's my turn to play Good Luna, so what could she be up to? I'll have to check this out."
Luna stroked the pencil this mustache she'd painted on her upper lip and went off to investigate.
Odd sighed and leaned back in his chair. Having twins was stressful work, thank god he was only raising the one. He couldn't imagine the stress of raising two pairs like Weasleys. 'I wonder where they keep the good Fred & George, you never see them around.'
IIIIIIIIII
Abruptly, Harry stopped speaking, fell to his, knees and began shivering.
"What is it?" Hermione's rage transformed into concern. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I just had a chill go up my spine," Harry whispered, "like someone was stepping on my grave"
"Forget all that," Hermione snapped, "we need to get back to solving my problem."
IIIIIIIIII
Lucius Malfoy walked into Hogwarts and to the Headmaster's office. Smiling cruelly, he flopped into a chair and propped his feet up on Dumbledore's desk.
"Was there something I can do for you Lucius?" Dumbledore asked with a sigh.
"I need you to provide me with an introduction," Lucius said calmly, "Harry Potter is staying with Hermione Granger at the moment and I need to speak with him."
"What? He should be locked in his relative's house," Dumbledore blurted. "Could we pretend I didn't say that?"
"Seems we both have something we want then don't we?"
IIIIIIIIII
Back at Hermione's house, there was a knock on the door. Hermione stopped her whining just long enough to open the door.
"What?"
"Special delivery," the man replied, "have a giant cake here for a Mister H. Potter."
"Bring it in," Hermione agreed, "just put it over there."
"Sign here please." The Delivery slob took the clipboard back and vacated the Granger residence.
"Harry," Hermione called back, "why'd you get a giant cake here?"
"I don't know," Harry replied, more then a bit happy that his friend had been distracted. "I . . ." He cut off when the top of the cake popped off and unseen speakers began blasting the polka. "Luna?" Harry identified the odd girl who burst out of the cake and began undulating on the floor in a good imitation of a fish out of water.
"What are you doing Luna?" Hermione demanded. "Stop that."
"A cruel but beautiful businesswoman forced my father to sell me or risk loosing the Quibbler and our home," Luna explained tearfully, "then she gifted me to Harry to ravish and fulfill every sick whim that crosses his mind." She looked at Harry hopefully. "Like right now for instance, if you wanted to slake your dark lusts on my body then you could do so." Another hopeful look. "Or I suppose you could Have me and Hermione do things to each other for your entertainment." Luna licked her lips as she gave Hermione a look that made the other girl shudder . . . this of course caused her to jiggle in a very interesting manner which only caused Luna's gaze to heat up.
"I . . ." Harry's gaze darted between the two girls. "Must be dreaming aren't I?" He sighed in relief. "Well, this is better then my usual dreams."
"You're not dreaming Harry," Hermione said reluctantly.
"So you expect me to believe that this is all real?"
"I admit that it's a bit far fetched," Hermione said, "but this is all real. Anyway, if anyone here is having an odd dream it's me."
"I've always dreamed that this would happen," Luna offered.
"Everyone pinch yourself," Hermione said. She pinched herself and looked up. "That hurt, so we all must be awake."
"I suppose," Harry agreed slowly, "I . . ." He cut off when there was another knock on the door. "That had better not be another . . ."
"I'm sure it won't be," Hermione said quickly. She walked up to the door and opened it slowly. "Professor Dumbledore?"
"May I come in?"
"Of course," Hermione agreed, "what can I do for you Headmaster?"
"I just need to have a short conversation with Harry," he replied.
"What is it sir?"
"Harry . . . I . . . there's a man that would like to speak with you," Dumbledore said slowly, "I've assured myself that you'll be safe for the duration of the conversation but the final choice is of course yours."
"Who is it?"
"Lucius Malfoy," Dumbledore said. His face looked like he'd eaten something sour.
"Show him in then," Harry said firmly.
"One moment," Dumbledore said. He walked outside of the house to where the Malfoy patriarch was waiting.
"Well?"
"Right this way Lucius," Dumbledore sighed. Lucius followed the old man into the house and walked swiftly up to Harry.
"Mister Potter," Lucius said coldly.
"Mr. Malfoy."
"Could you wait outside Albus?" Lucius asked. "There are things that Potter and I need to discuss that are not for your ears."
"It's alright sir," Harry assured the old man, "I'll be fine."
"If you're sure Harry," Albus said gently. With one last look, he walked out of the house and closed the door behind him.
"What's this about then?" Harry demanded.
Lucius got down on his knees so that he was eye to eye with Harry and held his cane horizontally with both hands.
"Harry," Lucius began with tears in his eyes. "You deserve this pimp cane more then I do. There's a wand core in it that can be replaced if the current one does not work for you."
"Uh . . . thanks," Harry said. "Sir."
"No need to call me sir Harry," Lucius replied. "Just . . ."
"Yes?"
"If you think of it, could you give a few pointers to Draco?" Lucius begged. "I'm afraid he's a bit of a momma's boy, poncy little git. I spent years getting laws on the books allowing wizards to have harems and I had hoped . . . no matter."
"Uh . . . hoped?"
"Why else do you think I joined Voldemort?" Lucius demanded. "It's certainly not because I'm an evil git."
"It isn't?"
"Nope," Lucius agreed. "It's cause Dark Wizards get laaaaaid, how else do you think I got a fox like Narcissa?" Lucius pulled out a locket and opened it to show Harry the picture.
"She certainly is . . . naked."
"Isn't she just," Lucius agreed.
AN: Who else could I add? Mistress Padma and her submissive sister who of course switch places every couple of hours, Luna is the only one who notices and possibly have Luna not know they were twins before. Thanks go to dogbertcarroll, luinlothana, and Fenris for providing scenes and polish.
Omake: Luna Lovegood and the Boyfriend Stealing Bitch
Hermione Granger woke up that morning to the odd sight of Luna Lovegood dancing on the end of the bed screaming about how she was back and had did it. This sight seemed all the odder since school was out for the summer and she'd been home a week.
"Luna?" Hermione muttered sleepily. "What are you doing in my house?"
"What year are you in?" Luna demanded intently, her eyes more focused then Hermione could ever remember. "Tell me now."
"I just finished my fifth and you your fourth," Hermione groaned, "now wha." She paused to yawn. "What are you doing in my house?"
"Hermione," Luna said seriously, "this may seem hard to believe but I've just come back in time twenty years to prevent a horrible future world."
"Voldemort won?" Hermione gasped, the lack of sleep and disorientation making it much easier to accept Luna's stories then would otherwise be the case.
"Worse," Luna said sickly.
"Worse then Voldemort?" Hermione asked in horror.
"Yes," Luna agreed, "Harry killed him a few years from now. What happened after that was so horrible that it's painful to talk about." The girl shuddered, Luna looked up at Hermione and had tears flowing down her face.
"Have a seat Luna," Hermione said, motioning to the bed. "And tell me all about it so we can prevent it from happening."
"Ok," Luna agreed. She took a deep calming breath. "Ginny stole Harry and married him."
"That's it?" Hermione demanded. "I'm going back to bed."
"She used love potion to do it," Luna said quickly, "and Ron used it on you."
"Okay," Hermione agreed, "that is kinda bad."
"Kinda?" Luna said in outrage. "It ruined our lives. Sure Ginny was Happy with Harry for a little while, but after the first kid she lost interest in him. The next seven all had different fathers, I think the last three belonged to Draco and his bookends."
"That's . . . disturbing," Hermione admitted, "keep talking."
"I managed to weaken the influence of the potion enough so that Harry knew what was happening to him," Luna continued. She squeezed her eyes shut as she relived the memory. "I sometimes wonder if that was a mistake. Harry knew what was happening when he was away from Ginny, was suddenly allowed the freedom of his own mind . . . only to lapse back to his old self every time the ginger bitch came near him."
"What about me and Ron?" Hermione asked. "How'd that work out?"
"You wanted to be a successful career woman," Luna said, "he didn't want you to outshine him. He has a low level career at the Ministry and you're a homemaker. You have four children, the oldest, your daughter was sorted into Ravenclaw and was the top student in her year."
"Apple doesn't far fall from the tree," Hermione said proudly. She was more then a bit disturbed by the fate of her future self but was ignoring that in favor of focusing on the one good aspect of Luna's tale.
"Ron wasn't too pleased with that," Luna continued, "said that the entire family had been Gryffindor back to the founding and her brothers weren't pleased with the way she was always showing them up."
"What happened?" Hermione asked with growing dread.
"Nothing," Luna said to the other girl's relief, "until after she graduated. She'd been dating a boy for her last two years of school and they eloped within hours of the graduation. He'd seemed like a nice boy in the time I knew him, muggle born."
"So what was the problem?"
"He was also in Slytherin," Luna said simply, "Ron couldn't accept it. You told me he gathered up the boys and went out to bring her back . . . the boys returned and wouldn't look you in the eye. Ron returned with a satisfied expression on his face, later said that the family was pure again."
"And my daughter."
"I'm sorry," Luna said, "your daughter and her husband were later found in a shallow grave near Dover. No arrests were expected to be made."
AN: Doubt I'll write more of this, just put this out to get it out of my mind. Won't promise that I'm not gonna write 'Luna Lovegood and the Boyfriend Stealing Birch.'
"Stupid Dryad," Luna growled. She made a mental note to have her father send her favorite choppin axe.