Something a little different here: I received a request via Tumblr to do a story where Esposito had a little crush on Beckett and was getting jealous over her relationship with Castle. I posted my little anecdote and received a lot of interest in expanding on it a little. So, months later, here it is.
If the concept isn't for you, that's fine, give this one a miss. I know I kind of promised to keep these stories Caskett-centric, but I think you'll find this still fits the bill.
The idea was laughable.
A crush? No way. Javier Esposito does not crush.
You can't help who you fall for. Yeah you can, try harder.
The heart wants what it wants. No it doesn't. The heart is an organ… it pumps blood through your veins. It doesn't want anything.
And yet, he could feel it. The change. They had jokes now. Inside jokes, between just them. And they had fun together. Not 'we are part of a bigger group of friends and we are all hanging out fun'. Just them, goofing around, being… free.
It caught him off guard, how quickly he fell. That smile… the way it lit up her whole face and crinkled in the corners of her eyes. The way her laugh could break through the clouds of negativity that sometimes filled his mind. The way his chest tightened and stomach flipped as she whispered the words 'I love you'…
… because she wasn't whispering them to him.
Her laughter wasn't for him, either. Nor was that smile. That bright, infectious smile.
Castle would waltz into the bullpen, coffees in hand, and suddenly the rest of the world didn't exist. The jokes weren't funny, and all goofing off was reserved for him.
Most days, he was plagued with guilt. For wanting her. For looking too long and standing too close. For allowing her to occupy his thoughts. For those thoughts being far from innocent. He was angry. Angry at himself, for not being able to just stop thinking about her. Angry at her, for being completely oblivious to his anguish. Angry at Castle, for being the one she truly wants… and that smug look he gets on his face when she teases him, whispers lustful promises in his ear or risks a flirtatious touch in the break room.
He had begged them to stop, under the guise of concerned friend. You don't want Gates to bust you, he had said as if his motives weren't completely selfish. She had appreciated his concern, a gentle touch to his elbow accompanied by a warm smile of thanks. But Castle knew…
He could recognise the signs from a mile away. The I'm in love with Kate Beckett but she's happily in love with someone else conundrum. He'd been there before and he empathised… but that didn't mean he was okay.
He had to pull himself together. Sort his shit out before she found out. Castle wouldn't keep his mouth shut forever…
He had to stop. Things had gone too far. The more he tried to get a grip, the more he felt his self control slipping through his fingers.
Two weeks had passed since Castle had clued on to this... predicament. But the writer hadn't said anything. Hadn't threatened to kick his ass, hadn't made any sly jabs or sarcastic remarks. As far as anyone else was concerned, it was business as usual. He could almost convince himself that his secret was safe... if it wasn't for the burning presence of Castle's watchful eye, constantly looming.
She arrived to the precinct, a large bouquet of flowers sitting on her desk. Red roses and white baby's breath, wrapped in brown paper and black lace.
She read the accompanying card: To my love...
Her feeble attempt at masquerading her joy didn't go unnoticed by the others in the bullpen.
"Someone's trying to impress you," Ryan commented, knowing exactly who that someone was.
"But much, don't you think?" Esposito grumbled.
"It's sweet," Beckett defended, her smile still beaming.
Ryan nudged Esposito in the arm and shot him a look that silently said: what the hell?
Esposito just shrugged and went back to studying the file in his hands.
"Where is Castle?" Ryan asked, trying to move past his partner's obvious bitterness.
"He was having breakfast with Alexis," she explained as she tucked the card away. "He should be here soon, though."
Esposito dropped the file to his desk, walking off without saying a word.
"The hell is that about?" Beckett asked Ryan.
"I have no idea," he replied, watching his partner as he left the bullpen.
She knew she should probably leave him be, let him cool off on his own. He would come to her, to someone, if he needed to talk. But he wasn't himself lately, and she was concerned. She draped her jacket over the back of her chair, then headed off to catch up to him before he reached the elevator.
He saw her coming, reached forward and pressed the button to close the doors, but he wasn't quick enough.
She slipped through, just in time, leaving the two of them enclosed in the small metal carriage, alone.
"Javi, what's wrong?" she asked, not wasting any time. She knew that as soon as those doors opened, he would storm off again. Her time was limited, and she knew it.
"Nothing," he replied, staring at the doors.
"Has Castle done something?"
She wasn't stupid: Espo's moods seemed to intensify when Castle was around. Or even just mentioned. And when she had asked Castle about it, he seemed less than bothered by it, as if his friend being mad or upset by him wasn't an issue, as if he couldn't care less. Something was going on between them.
Esposito sighed. Yes, Castle had done something.
He had claimed her heart. Loved and cherished her. Treated her exactly how she deserved to be treated: like a precious jewel, a priceless masterpiece to be handles with the utmost care and respect.
And, on top of all that, Castle hadn't punished him for the way he felt. Castle hadn't started a fight, or demanded he distanced himself from Beckett. He hadn't even spilled their shared secret, telling Beckett of these unrequited feelings in hopes that she would take that step back. No, all he did was love her harder, cherish her more. All he did was acknowledge that a woman like Beckett is never to be taken for granted.
Any tension or hostility from Castle was a direct response to how Esposito had been treating him: like the enemy, not a friend.
The elevator reached the ground level, slowing to a halt. She readied herself.
As soon as the doors opened, he pushed his legs to move, striding into the lobby and pushing through the crowd of employees coming onto shift.
"Javi," she called out, just steps behind him. "Espo, stop!"
She reached out, gripped at the bend of his elbow and pulling back so that he would stop and face her. He did, but she didn't release her grip.
Her touch burned through the material of his button-up, searing into his skin.
Her hazel eyes, so full of concern, searched his.
He stepped toward her, his hand resting on her forearm.
This was too close, he knew that. But his heart raced with every inch he managed to close between them.
He could see it in her eyes, the flicker of surprise as she registered what was happening. She really didn't have any idea.
"Don't worry about it, Beckett." He dropped his hand from her and turned to walk away.
But he stopped in his tracks when he was met by angry eyes.
"What's going on here?" Castle asked, carefully measuring his tone of voice. They were, after all, in the precinct lobby. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene.
"Nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing."
"Can one of you, please, just tell me what is going on here?" Beckett pleaded.
Castle and Esposito exchanged loaded glances. One of them was going to have to have to make a move here.
Castle's eyes drifted to Beckett's, the anger instantly softening. Esposito took the opportunity to push past his imagined enemy, charging toward the exit.
"Castle, what the hell is going on?"
Castle sighed. He hadn't wanted to be the one to do this. He knew all too well what it was like to be in Esposito's position. He felt for the guy, even though he was frustrated by the situation, he got it.
He tilted his head toward a quiet corner, where they could talk without being disrupted. He began to walk, and she followed his lead, leaning against the wall claiming her spot in this corner.
"Espo has feelings for you," he blurted, ripping the metaphorical band aid.
"What?" she asked with a laugh. "That's absurd."
He looked at her, his eyes conveying nothing but truth.
"Did he tell you that he has feelings for me, or are you just reading too far into things?"
He tried to ignore the accusation in her question, knowing that she was just struggling to accept that her friendship with Esposito wasn't as pure as she had thought.
"He didn't have to tell me, Beckett. It didn't take a genius to figure it out."
She straightened her posture, growing more uncomfortable with this conversation as it went on.
"No," she scoffed. "He doesn't. I don't believe that."
"You said it yourself, Kate. You feel closer than ever." He tried to measure his tone of voice. He didn't want to come across as the insecure boyfriend. "You've been spending more time together, time alone."
"Castle-"
"You've noticed it, too," he interrupted. "You just didn't see it for what it was. I believe your exact words were getting along like a house on fire."
His insistence was frustrating. He was twisting something innocent into something it wasn't.
"Not every guy is in love me with, Castle," she sneered.
She placed a hand on his arm, offered a small smile to ease him, but it didn't help.
"He is. He didn't say it out loud, but he is. And he knows that I know, because as soon as I figured it out he started avoiding me like I had the plague or something."
He made his way to a nearby park, taking up residence on one of the park benches. He sat, watching the world as it passed him by: joggers, mothers and their children, businessmen on their mandated breaks. He wondered how many others were here simply to avoid their lives.
He couldn't believe how irritated a bunch of flowers had made him.
But he knew it wasn't the flowers. No, it was that stupid grin on her face as she read whatever stupid words Castle had written her.
She loved words. He was so bad with words. Not Castle, though. No, Castle had a way of making everything sound like poetry.
He looked up to see Beckett, slowly approaching.
She seemed shy, and he just knew that Castle had told her. He wasn't ready for this, for whatever fallout was headed his was. He turned his head, looking straight in front of him. His goal was to go back to people-watching, to feign an intrigue so intense he couldn't look away, but her presence was magnetising.
"Can I sit?" she asked, hovering, waiting for his answer.
He nodded, but he forced his eyes to follow the path of a stray soccer ball, turning his head away from her.
She sat down beside him, careful to leave an appropriate amount of distance between them. She hated this. Already, she was changing her actions, being more careful with her words. She had told Castle this was no big deal, but it was. She didn't know how to act anymore.
"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, trying to be as gentle as possible.
He let out a sharp puff of air that bared slight resemblance to a laugh, but he didn't find this funny.
Why didn't he say anything?
Because he felt stupid, pathetic. Crushing on someone who was taken, someone who had been a good friend to him for years now.
But it wasn't even a crush, anymore. He had fallen, hard and fast. Despite his better judgement, despite how hard he had tried not to.
"Castle know you're here?" Was all he managed to get out.
"Of course," she whispered. She wanted it to be clear that there would be no more secrets now that the truth was out there.
She waited, allowing him the chance to find his words, if he needed. But after several minutes, she understood that he had no intention of taking the lead on this conversation.
"You're a good friend, Javi."
Friend. The word crushed him beyond measure. Friend.
"I like to think I am, too," she continued. "You could have told me."
He shrugged. "Didn't want to make it weird."
She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to suppress the smart-assery that bubbled within, to no avail.
"Right..." she said with a smirk.
"Guess I failed at that, huh?" he asked with a smile.
She shook her head, but they both knew this had blown way out of proportion.
"I'm sorry," he stated. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"I know."
Esposito grunted, the most dejected, self-deprecating grunt she had ever heard.
"That's not how it works, Javi. You don't really get a choice in these things, they just happen."
"You don't believe that," he said, brow creasing sceptically.
"I do now," she exclaimed. "You think I would have chosen Castle? He's a pain in the ass."
They both laughed, falling into a comfortable silence. This was going to be okay. Awkward, sure, for a little while. But that wouldn't last forever.
"You don't mean that," he said, in response to her joke. "He's good for you."
She didn't say anything, didn't want to rub salt into the wound. But she agreed, wholeheartedly.
"You know, I am happy for you guys."
"I know." She smiled. "I mean this in the nicest way possible: you'll get over it. I promise."
She stood, holding out her hand.
Reluctantly, he placed his hand in hers and allowed her to pull him from the seat.
"We good?" she asked.
He smiled his most reassuring smile. "We're good."
"Good. Now, get back to work before we both get in trouble."