Disclaimer: What if Moody was myopic.

Hermione Granger and the Goblet of Fire

Hermione dashed through the halls praying that she'd be able to get to class on time when she turned the corner and ran into something large and solid.

"Oof," the object groaned.

"Ouch," Hermione winced. She was sure that she felt something pop when she landed. She looked around and to her horror discovered that she'd run into her Defence Professor. "Sorry Professor Moody," she said nervously.

"No harm done girl," he said gruffly, "we both should have been a bit more vigilant. Let's leave it at that 'eh."

"Alright," she agreed.

"Be a good lass and help me find my eye would yeh?"

"Yes Professor," Hermione agreed. The two of them scoured the ground until they found it. "Here it is Professor."

"Give it here," he said calmly, "cracked."

"I'm . . ."

"Don't you dare try to apologize again," Moody grumbled, "we already settled this and we agreed that there was a lack of vigilance on both our parts."

"Yes Professor," she agreed. Hermione pushed herself up to her feet and couldn't suppress wincing in pain.

"You hurt yerself?" Moody demanded. "Why dinna ya tell me sooner lass?"

"Sorry . . ."

"None of that," Moody sighed, "my fault there. Should have checked you over first. Remember that for when you're a Professor or a Senior Auror."

"I will Professor."

"Come on then." He hit her with a couple quick healing charms to deaden the pain and led her to the Hospital Wing. "You here Poppy?"

"What is it?" The Healer asked. "Ms. Granger, did Harry hurt himself again?"

"No Madame Pomfrey," Hermione said with a blush, "it's me this time."

"Have a seat," Poppy ordered. She gently put Hermione onto one of the beds and cast several diagnostic charms. "Ribs, wrist, and ancle are broken."

"That's my fault," Moody admitted, "allowed myself to get complacent and she ran into me."

"Are you injured too?" The Healer raised her wand to cast a diagnostic charm on the old warrior.

"Never you mind that," Moody said quickly. The grizzled man started backing out of the room. "I can take care of myself."

"Could you have Harry or Ron bring me my homework?" Hermione called after the man. She turned to the healer. "Do you think he heard me?"

"I'm sure you'll get your homework Ms. Granger," the school nurse assured the girl, "I'll see to it myself if I have to."

"Thank you Madame Pomfrey."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Ron wandered into the hospital wing a few hours later with arm fulls of books and homework for their bushy haired friend.

"Professor McGonagall included some extra credit assignments for you," Harry explained why the pile was so large, "and Madame Pince had us bring you some books to pass the time."

"Be sure to thank them for me," Hermione said greatfully.

"Professor McGonagall also wanted you to have this," Ron said as he held up a quill, "she said that it'll let you do your homework with a broken wrist."

"Is that a dictation quill?" Hermione asked intently.

"I guess so," Ron agreed with a shrug, "she wanted us to make sure you knew that you still had to write your name in by hand."

"Of course I do," Hermione said quickly, "other wise the paper won't have my magical signature."

"Uh . . . right."

"This is wonderful," Hermione cheered.

"How long are you going to have to be in here?" Harry asked, knowing from personal experience how unpleasant a stay in the Hospital wing could be.

"Madame Pomfrey wants to keep me for two more days," Hermione said glumly, "just to be sure."

"All that for a few broken bones?" Harry asked with a frown.

"Madame Pomfrey is afraid that I might have some nerve damage in my wrist," Hermione explained, "so she's healing it slower then normal so that she can monitor things more closely."

"Oh . . ."

After a bit more conversation and to Ron's disgust. "What's the point of spending time in the Hospital Wing if you're going to turn in your work on time?" Harry agreed to pick up Hermione's homework the next morning before classes.

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione was just putting the finishing touches on her assignments when Harry came in to pick them all up.

"Just a bit longer," Hermione said.

"You're not done yet?" Harry asked incredulously, sure now that Hermione was injured a lot worse then she'd admitted.

"Just need to sign my Defense homework," Hermione replied, "and . . . done." She looked down at her name with a frown.

"I'll see you at lunch." Harry gathered up the girl's assignments. "Might even bring you one of those pastries you like so much if you're a good witch."

Hermione just stuck her tongue out in response.

IIIIIIIIII

Moody scowled down at the blurred letters. Who knew that the old bastard relied on his false eye so much? Come to think about it, why didn't he just get a pair of spectacles? Either too vain or was afraid that it would be seen as a weakness, Crouch figured. He squinted at the assignments again, he could just barely make out an 'H' and it was on top, must be the Potter boy's since he was the last one out of the room.

Crouch carefully ripped the name off the parchment. All he needed to do now was confound the cup and drop in the name to start the plan which would eventually bring about the return of his Lord and Master.

IIIIIIIIII

"Wait, there's another name coming out of the cup." Every eye in the Great Hall focused on Harry Potter, who else could it be?

"Who is it?" Someone asked to move things along, as if there was any doubt.

"Hermione Granger."

"What . . . me?"

AN: Don't believe I've seen this one.

Disclaimer: Unimaginative Pranks go in unimaginative fics. The twins and the Marauders are supposed to be comic gods, this is a poor attempt at making them so.

Better then the Average Prank

"Got a minute Professor?" Harry asked as he walked into the Deputy Headmistress's office.

"What can I do for you Mr. Potter?" She asked with a fond smile.

"Well . . . Hermione tells me that I need to get a permission slip from you," Harry explained. "Well, actually I need it to be signed by my my Head of House or two other Professors and the Deputy Headmistress or the Headmaster. Since you qualify for both then I only need your signature, said so in 'Hogwarts a History' or something."

"Alright Mr. Potter," Minerva agreed. She pulled out a piece of parchment and dipped her quill in a bottle of ink. "What do you need permission for?"

"Sex," Harry said with a straight face, "what with Voldemort and all the other things in my life I really need a way to relax and sex seemed like the easiest."

"With . . . Ms. Granger?"

"It's not like I know any other girls good enough to do something like that with them," Harry said quickly, "well . . . maybe Ginny but her brothers would kill me . . . not to mention the fact that she bears a passing resemblance to my dead mum and that's just creepy."

"But they look nothing alike," Minerva protested faintly.

"All I remember about my mum is red hair and a nice voice," Harry said firmly. "Oh and her screaming before Voldemort killed her. You see the predicament I'm in, no nailing redheads for this boy with a mutilated forehead and especially not Ginny."

"Yes . . . well . . . I'll need to think about this Mr. Potter."

"No problem," Harry said cheerfully, "could you give your response to Hermione when we have lunch? I want to get things started as soon as possible if we get that permission slip and Hermione tells me that there are a number of things that don't technically break the rules if we don't."

"Will that be all Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked automatically.

"Unless you want to recommend some books or positions," Harry agreed.

"Goodbye then Mr. Potter."

"Bye Professor," Harry said on his way out the door. Harry easily navigated the maze of halls and secret passages that led to the empty classroom where 'his' twin was waiting.

"Well?" Fred asked.

"Worked like a charm," the boy who looked like Harry Potter replied, "this promises to be a lunch to remember."

"Too right," Fred agreed, "nothing against Harry but he should really know better then to talk to our baby sister with that look on his face."

"Are we sure we didn't misinterpret that look?"

"Does it matter?"

"Nope, the possibility of pulling off a prank on three people for just a bit of polyjuice is too good to pass up."

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione looked up nervously when her Head of House approached during meal time.

"May I have a minute Ms. Granger?" Minerva asked sternly.

"What can I do for you Professor?" Hermione asked nervously. The girl rose to her feet and clenched her hands in distress.

"I just wanted to give you this permission slip for Harry and I've included a copy for you as well. Technically you'll only need the one, but things may change so I thought it best," Minerva said kindly.

"Thank you Professor," Hermione said automatically.

"Oh and this book," Minerva handed it over to her favorite student, "Mister Potter asked for advice and after much contemplation I finally managed to settle on this book . . . be sure to try pages fifteen and forty five, those are some of my favorite positions."

"We will Professor," Hermione agreed with a confused expression on her face.

"Finally take five points to Gryffindor for the way you noticed Mr. Potter's problems and your quick solution. I'm sure it'll help you as well. A relaxed student always scores better on tests than a tense one, it aides retention and recall."

"Thank you Professor," Hermione said with a blush. She wasn't sure what this was all about but there was no way she was turning down five free points and if Professor McGonagall said it would improve her grades than she was definitely going to do it.

"That is all," Minerva said kindly, "I imagine that you two have a busy afternoon planned and I don't want to keep you any longer then necessary."

"Yes Professor," Hermione agreed.

"Oh and one more thing." Minerva paused. "Just because something is only technical doesn't mean it isn't fun."

"Uh . . . I'll keep that in mind," Hermione said to Minerva's retreating back. She looked down at the things that Minerva had given her and her jaw dropped in shock. Well, she thought to herself, it doesn't sound unpleasant and Harry was certainly a much better choice than any other boy at school. 'God only knows who I'd end up with if all the good ones got taken and I got desperate.'

"Harry," Hermione said sweetly when she spied the boy in question walking up to the table.

"Yeah?" Harry asked.

"Come on." She grabbed him by the hand. "The permission slip has directions to an unused suite of rooms written on it."

"Okay?" He agreed with a puzzled look on his face. "Should we get Ron."

"Harry Potter," Hermione said with an outraged frown, "I am not that kind of girl."

"Uh . . . alright then," Harry said quickly, "just wanted to make sure?"

"Oh . . . well, let's get going. We don't want to waste any more time then we already have."

"No we don't," he said with a confused nod.

The twins just stared wide eyed as Hermione enthusiastically drug Harry off.

Ginny came in for lunch and noticed the twins behavior, wondering exactly what had blown up in their face this time. They always acted so shocked when one of their pranks failed.

Bending down she picked up a slip of parchment and began to read...

AN: Some polish by dogbertcarroll