Disclaimer: Not all too impressed with how this came out.

Goblin Mercenary

Harry was in his aunt's garden making sure that she'd win the Surrey's best garden competition for a third year in a row when the bush next to him started to speak.

"Got a minute, Harry?" The bush asked.

"Depends on who's asking," Harry retorted.

The hood of an invisibility cloak was pulled back a bit to reveal the smiling face of Bill Weasley.

"What can I do for you, Bill?"

"First you've got to promise that you never tell anyone that you met with me or what we talked about," Bill said seriously. "My mum would kill me if she found out what I'm going to tell you."

"Sure thing," Harry agreed. "What's up?"

"You know what I do, right?"

"You're a Gringotts curse breaker," Harry replied.

"Do you know what a curse breaker does?"

"Raids old tombs for treasure," Harry said with a confused frown. "What's this about, Bill?"

"Yes and no," Bill sighed. "And what this is about is a job offer."

"What kind of job offer?"

"One that I'm going to try to talk you out of," Bill said honestly. "It's the only reason I agreed to give it."

"I'm listening."

"Let me put up some wards first to keep us from being disturbed," Bill stalled. He spent several minutes making the yard in front of number four as private as possible. "Okay, to start with . . . well, most curse breakers don't have anything to do with tombs. I'm a bit of an exception."

"What do most curse breakers do then?" Harry asked.

"To answer that question, I'm going to have to give you a little lesson on Goblin culture." Bill sat down on the lawn next to Harry. "There are a hundred goblin clans that I'm aware of. The largest and most powerful is the Gringotts clan that runs our banking system. These clans are rarely at peace with each other."

"So?"

"So most curse breakers are mercenaries, hired to fight in one of the many clan fights." Bill rubbed his hands together. "I don't have much to do with them personally. Had to deal with a couple raids by the other clans, but I mostly stay out of it."

"What's the job offer?"

"Gringotts heard about what happened in the Department of Mysteries and they're impressed," Bill said slowly. "They'd like to offer you a commission in one of their regiments."

"What's to be impressed about?" Harry asked bitterly. "I got Sirius killed."

"You also led a group of school children in a victory against several hardened killers," Bill pointed out.

"How much would this job pay?"

"Harry." Bill put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Please don't do this, the job isn't worth any amount of pay."

"You didn't answer my question," Harry said calmly.

"No amount of money is worth your life," Bill persisted. "Harry, think about it for a moment."

"You still didn't answer my question," Harry persisted. 'This was it,' he thought to himself, 'a way of getting the experience he'd need to take on Voldemort and win.'

"That depends on the deal you work out with the higher ups," Bill said in defeat. "I don't have the authority to negotiate terms."

"Why don't you tell me what people normally make?" Harry suggested.

"Why don't you forget this foolishness?" Bill growled. "I'm not going to help you throw your life away."

"Then." Harry licked his lips. "Why don't you take me to someone who will?"

"Damn it." Bill took a marble out of his pocket. "Touch it."

The portkey activated and Harry found himself in an office with walls richly furnished with intricate tapestries and severed heads.

"Harry Potter?" A squat goblin with a missing eye growled.

"Yes," Harry agreed.

"Wait outside, Weasley," the goblin ordered.

"Yes, sir," Bill agreed.

"I've been authorized by Gringotts to induct you as a level five," the recruiting officer said formally.

"What's that mean?" Harry asked.

"Amount of pay," he replied. "Also a rank, has a long unpronounceable goblin name."

"I see." Harry frowned. "Could you elaborate?"

"Means that you can accept and get half pay for doing nothing more then agreeing not to attack Gringotts without giving two weeks notice," he said with a grin. "It's a measure of how dangerous Gringotts thinks you are. Also lets you take a position in one of the regiments for full pay if they'll have you."

"So I do nothing or join a regiment?" Harry asked.

"Or you go independent," the recruiter agreed. "Wouldn't recommend that till you have a lot more fame and wealth then you do now?"

"Why not?"

"As an independent, you're responsible for; the pay, care, and equipment of any soldiers you recruit. Without fame, you can't get good soldiers. Without wealth, you can't pay or equip them."

"I see." Harry paused. "Why are you offering me this position?"

"Because you led a group of school children against a superior force and managed to hold out until reinforcements arrived without suffering any casualties." The goblin grinned, showing a row of sharpened teeth. "We respect that."

"It was mostly luck," Harry murmured.

"We've also received a few reports on some of your other adventures," the goblin continued. "And we're willing to pay to see how long your luck holds out."

"I have some conditions," Harry said firmly.

"Name them," the goblin said with a lazy grin. "I'm sure that we can work something out."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry emerged from the office two hours later with a smile on his face and a large sack of gold in his hands.

"Come on, Bill," Harry said. "We've got a bit of shopping to do."

"Where'd you get that money?" Bill asked.

"Signing bonus," Harry replied cheerfully.

"I've never heard of goblins giving a signing bonus before?"

"He was more then a bit impressed when I gave him the details of some of my adventures," Harry explained.

"Oh."

"By the way, you work for me now."

"What?"

"Even got you a promotion out of it," Harry continued.

"My contract states that I don't have to go into combat," Bill growled.

"You're working for me as an enchanter and curse breaker," Harry assured the older man. "Nothing too different from your last job."

"Alright then," Bill sighed. "I don't suppose you know what regiment you're with, do you?"

"I've decided to stay independent for a while," Harry replied.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry stepped into the work room he'd assigned to his assistant and pasted a happy smile on his face.

"Hey, Bill," Harry called out. "You wanna help me stay alive?"

"Of course," Bill agreed. "What do I have to do?"

"I need you to make one of these that covers the goblin tunnels," Harry replied, pulling out his copy of the marauder's map and handing it to the Weasley.

"Where did you get this?" Bill demanded.

"From the twins," Harry replied. "My father and his friends made it."

"This is." He stared down at the map in awe. "Do you know how amazing this is?"

"Do you think you can make something similar that covers the tunnels?" Harry asked with a grin.

"No," Bill admitted. "Not without a significant amount of help."

"How much would that cost?" Harry cocked his head. "And would it help to have one of the map's creators working on it with you?"

"Yes it would," Bill agreed.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry walked in and dumped the head of his last victim on the table. "I believe the bounty was half a million for the leader of the fang tooth regiment?" He announced with a grin.

IIIIIIIIII

Bill stood up to address the Order.

"Professor Dumbledore, my oaths to Gringotts prevent me from giving any details but I strongly suggest that you contract with Gringotts to hire a security detail to watch over the school

"I'll take that suggestion under advisement," the Headmaster promised gravely.

"I also strongly recommend that you hire the first of the fifth 'head hunters' of Gringotts special project."

"Nonsense." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "The Order alone should prove sufficient."

"Headmaster," Bill said firmly. "I can't emphasize how strongly I recommend you to hire that particular unit."

"Sit down, Bill," Molly barked. "The Headmaster has spoken."

Bill's mouth closed with a snap and he collapsed into his chair. Now he knew what Harry had tried to explain to him, fools the lot of them.

AN: Someone posted the idea that Gringotts curse breakers were mercenaries that fought in internal goblin wars. This idea festered for a little while and this is the result. Not going to write anymore of this as too much of this is too similar to things I've written before for me to have much interest in continuing it. If I were to write this, I think I'd follow the MMORPG formula, who knows. Typos busted by Jim Trigg. Details provided by Tommy King.

Omake: Denial

"Hey, what are we gonna do today, Hermione?" Luna asked brightly.

"The same thing we do every night, Luna. Try to . . ."

"Seduce Harry?" Luna interrupted. She smiled eagerly. "No man can resist two women."

"That's rig . . . what? No" Hermione looked at her friend in shock. "What gave you the idea that we were going to try to seduce Harry?"

"It's the same thing we do every night, Hermione," Luna said patiently. "You know that."

"It is not, name one time we tried to seduce Harry," Hermione challenged.

"Yesterday," Luna said, holding up a finger. "When we paraded about in those skimpy outfits."

"We were at a swimming pool," Hermione protested.

"The day before when we had that wrestling match in front of him and started ripping each others clothes," Luna said, holding up a second finger.

"You took my book," Hermione said, just the memory of it made her frown.

"And you knew that I'd called dibs on reading it first so you clearly set up the entire situation," Luna said smugly. "Brilliant."

"Yes I . . . mean no, I didn't set it up to seduce Harry."

"How about the day before that?" Luna suggested.

"What about it?" Hermione asked wearily. She racked her mind in an attempt to divine what innocent situation Luna would twist into supporting her obviously insane idea.

"We were both sitting on Harry's lap," Luna said with a sly smile. "And I'm pretty sure that your hands did a bit of roaming."

"We were all sitting on a couch and reading," Hermione protested. "Oh, and my hands did not do a bit of roaming," she said firmly.

"Mine did," Luna said cheerfully. "Now let's see, the day before that . . ."

"We are not going to try to seduce Harry today," Hermione interrupted.

"All right," Luna agreed. "What are we going to do?"

Hermione sighed in relief after it became apparent that the blond was willing to drop her crazy, and completely unfounded, idea that they were trying to seduce Harry. "Well, I've noticed that the place is getting a bit dirty lately, so we're going to do a bit of cleaning up."

"We do that everyday?"

"We do things together every day," Hermione said firmly.

"Right," Luna agreed. "Let's get started."

"Not yet," Hermione said quickly. "We've got to change into our uniforms first." She left for a few minutes and returned with two black maid's uniforms.

"Those skirts look a little short," Luna muttered.

"It's traditional," Hermione replied.

"And that neckline looks a bit low," Luna said thoughtfully.

"Also traditional."

Luna clapped her hands in delight. "Let's start with Harry's room."

AN: They're Luna, they're Luna and Hermione.

Tiny Omake for Draco's Speech by moshehim 'Odd Ideas #104'

"What do you suggest?" An old man demanded. "That we give a seat to your pet mudblood?"

"I resent you calling me a Mudblood," Harry said, frowning. "Also, let it be put on record that in my opinion you are not fit for your position in the Wizengamot, either, if you believe giving a post-owl a seat on the ruling council of Wizarding Britain is a feasible idea, let alone a desirable

one."