Disclaimer: They're creepy and they're kooky, Mysterious and spooky, They're all together ooky . . .
A Place to Belong
Vernon had worked himself into a fury by the time he'd gotten home. How dare they! How dare they subject his perfectly normal family to a load of freakish yanks!
"Bunch of abnormal mutants," Vernon muttered under his breath. He'd been 'volunteered' to host a small dinner for a foreign client and his family and after meeting the man, Vernon was less then pleased.
"Boy!" Vernon said loudly, grabbing Harry by the shoulder.
"Yes, Uncle Vernon?" Harry replied meekly, ignoring the grinding sensation from his shoulder where his uncle was gripping him.
"You will be on your best behavior," Vernon growled. "I don't want Dudley to be exposed to these... people, so he's going to be spending the night at a friend's house. You are to distract the two brats while I talk to my client, understand?"
"Yes, Uncle Vernon," Harry agreed quickly. Inwardly he was jumping for joy, hoping to finally get a chance to make a friend or two. After all, according to Vernon's half coherent rants they were freaks too.
On Vernon's orders, Harry was waiting at the window, in clothes Vernon had actually spent money on, and so was the first person to see the strange old car pull up to the house.
"They're here, Uncle Vernon," Harry called out, his eyes locked on the machine in hopes of getting his first look at the people he hoped would be his first friends.
His breath caught when two children about his age stepped out. The first was a pudgy boy with messy blond hair and the second a girl with black hair pulled into two severe braids.
"Stop gawking at them and get away from that window!" Vernon bellowed. "I won't have you ruining this deal with your rudeness."
"Yes, Uncle Vernon."
Vernon plastered what he thought was a congenial look on his face and opened the door for his 'guests.'
"Evening, Vernon," Gomez greeted them, "I'd like to introduce you to my lovely wife, Morticia."
"Charmed," the woman purred.
"Er . . . right," Vernon stammered, unnerved by the way their daughter was staring at him, rather like his sister Marge stared at a runty pup, before deciding to have it culled. "This is Petunia."
"And our wonderful children, Pugsley and Wednesday," Gomez continued.
"Good to meet you," Vernon grumbled. He was horrified by the thought of letting these 'people' into his house.
Perhaps he should have picked up a grill and done everything in the back yard? He abruptly cut that line of thought. If he'd done it in the back yard, then the neighbors would have seen.
Much better to keep them inside, even if it did mean sullying his home. He'd just have to make the boy clean everything with extra bleach to make up for it.
Gomez glanced from Vernon's face down to Harry with a look of expectation.
"Er, this is the boy . . . Harry."
"Pleasure to meet you, Harry," Gomez said grandly. He held out his hand and was a bit surprised when the boy took it. He hadn't expected anyone raised by the Dursleys to have any manners.
"Pleasure to meet you, sir," Harry replied brightly.
"And this is my wife, Tish."
Harry found himself holding the woman's hand.
"A pleasure, I'm sure," she regarded him with a cold smile.
"The pleasure is all mine," Harry said, mimicking what he'd seen in a rare glimpse of television. Now what had happened next? Harry's eyes lit up and he bent to kiss her knuckle.
"What a perfect little gentleman," Morticia said approvingly.
An uneasy grin appeared on Vernon's face as he watched the boy interact with the freaks. "Why don't we send the children to play in the other room while we adults get down to business?" Vernon suggested. Anything to get away from that bloody girl and her unending stare.
"Capital idea!" Gomez proclaimed loudly.
"Harry," Petunia barked. "Why don't you take young . . ." she groped for the children's names. "Wendy and Paul to the back yard?"
"Yes, Aunt Petunia. Come on, guys. Let's go."
Harry rushed to the door and held it open for the other two children, who soon followed, after receiving a discreet nod from their mother.
Wednesday and Pugsley regarded Harry with profound disinterest as he led them to a corner of the yard and prepared to introduce himself.
"My name's Harry," he said brightly, introducing himself the way he'd seen other children at school do when they were trying to make friends.
"Wednesday," the girl said coldly. "And this is my brother, Pugsley."
"It's okay," Harry said quickly, wanting to reassure them he was like them as opposed to being a 'normal' kid like Dudley.
"What is okay?" the girl asked flatly, all the while regarding Harry as if he were something she'd scraped from her shoe.
"I'm a freak too," Harry explained happily. "So I was hoping that we could be friends."
"Freak?" Wednesday asked her pupils taking on a serpentine cast. "Who said that?"
"Uncle Vernon," Harry replied.
"Harry, was it?" Wednesday asked with the barest hint of a smile. "Why don't you come over here with me?"
"Sure," Harry agreed. Not noticing the meaningful look the girl had shared with her brother.
"Tell me more about what your Uncle Vernon has said about my family and how you are like us."
The conversation that followed was enlightening, to say the least.
IIIIIIIIII
Gomez winced at Vernon's laugh. Bad form to laugh at one's own joke, worse to tell such bad ones.
"I say old man, do you mind if I smoke?" Gomez pulled a finely made silver cigar tube out of his jacket.
"Not at all," Vernon agreed quickly. He silenced his wife with a look.
"Splendid." Gomez frantically tried to think of something that would keep his host from trying to make conversation, or worse... jokes. He glanced over at Morticia who took the cue.
"Look how well they get along," Morticia cooed. The other three adults turned to look through the window.
Wednesday had her brother tied to a tree while Harry gathered kindling for the fire with a frighteningly wide smile on his face, quite like Pugsley's own.
"Wonderful lad," Gomez agreed. "Reminds me of myself at his age."
"Er . . ." Vernon wasn't sure how to deal with the situation.
"Almost seems a shame to call them in for dinner," Morticia sighed, seeing Harry gleefully attempt to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together as directed by Wednesday.
"Yes," Vernon agreed with a strained smile, "quite."
With a sigh, Morticia stood up and seemed to glide towards the back door. "Come along Wednesday," Morticia ordered, "we should freshen up before we eat."
"Yes, mother," Wednesday agreed as she followed Morticia to the facilities.
"How are you getting along with Harry?" Morticia asked her daughter.
"He had several interesting things to share about our 'host,' mother."
"Do tell."
IIIIIIIIII
Gomez was almost shocked by how easy it had been to shut Vernon up, so that he could enjoy a quiet conversation with young Harry. Why, he hadn't even needed Pugsley's distraction. Used it anyway of course, would have been a shame to waste it.
Ignoring the purple smoke wafting out of the kitchen, Gomez looked down at the boy with a wide grin. "So, Harry, do you mind if I call you Harry?"
"No, sir." Harry managed to keep all but a slight smirk off his face as he watched the Dursley's nice normal life crumble. He was going to have to set it all to right later, so he may as well enjoy it while he had the chance.
"Wonderful, now why don't you tell me about your hobbies?" Gomez continued.
"Hobbies?" Harry asked in confusion.
"The things you do for fun," Gomez prompted.
"It was fun playing 'burn the heretic' with Wednesday," Harry offered. "I'm sorry I couldn't get the fire started, but I've never done it before."
"There's a trick to using a bow drill," Gomez explained calmly "I'll show you later."
"Yes, sir."
"What I meant was, what did you like to do for fun before we came here?"
"Uh . . ." Harry searched his mind for the right answer.
"Too many things to count, eh?" Gomez laughed. "I was the same way when I was your age." He caught the Dursleys breathing sighs of relief out of the corner of his eye.
"MY KITCHEN," Petunia squealed, finally noticing the smoke.
"Never a dull moment, eh' Harry?" Gomez laughed.
"No, sir," Harry agreed with a wide grin, unable to contain his mirth any longer. What followed was the best night of Harry's short life. Needless to say, it was also the worst the Dursleys had ever experienced. Alas, all good things must come to an end and it was with some regret that Harry watched his new friends leave.
"Wonderful evening," Gomez enthused, "going to have to do it again sometime."
"Lovely," Vernon said with a severely strained smile. "I . . . I look forward to it," he managed to say through clenched teeth.
"How does tomorrow sound?" Gomez asked immediately.
"Don't be rude, darling," Morticia interjected, "they've already been kind enough to host us . . ."
"Yes," Gomez agreed cheerfully, "we must have you for dinner tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Vernon said weakly. "I'm not sure . . ."
"We have plans," Petunia said quickly.
"Shame," Morticia sighed, "we'd have loved to have you."
"What about young Harry?" Gomez asked intently. "Is he free?"
"The children get so lonely when we travel," Morticia lamented. "It would be nice to have someone for them to play with."
"We'd be happy to be rid of the boy for the night," Vernon said quickly. He didn't notice the slight frowns that appeared as a result of his pronouncement. "In fact, take him for the whole week if you like."
"It's settled then," Gomez said loudly, forcing a cheerful grin on his face with some effort.
Vernon waited until the freaks were well and truly gone before turning to the one they'd, as yet, been unable to rid themselves of.
"Boy, kitchen, now!" he roared.
"Yes, Uncle Vernon," Harry agreed. He was lucky that night, the Dursleys had wanted to turn in early and so he'd only had to work for two hours before being locked in his cupboard.
IIIIIIIIII
Vernon awoke early to the sounds of someone loudly knocking a jungle beat on his front door accompanied by enthusiastic use of the doorbell. Needless to say, he wasn't in the best of moods, especially after a quick glance out the window confirmed that the sun had not yet risen.
"What the bloody hell . . . Mr. Addams," Vernon backpedaled quickly, "didn't expect to see you this early."
"Just dropped by to pick up young Harry," Gomez explained, "never put off what you can do right away."
"Yes," Vernon agreed, "I've always thought that myself. Your . . . uh . . . daughter isn't around, is she?" Vernon sincerely hoped that he'd never have the displeasure of seeing the creepy little brat ever again.
"She's visiting relatives with my lovely wife," Gomez replied,
"I wasn't aware that you had family in England," Vernon replied. Probably Irish or some such, he thought to himself, no way decent folk would have anything to do with these freaks.
"My sister in law married one of your countrymen," Gomez said cheerfully. "Now, about Harry?"
"Yes, I'll . . . uh, have the boy meet you in the car."
"Right then," Gomez agreed. His eyes narrowed just a bit. "Have him out soon then, eh?"
"Of course," Vernon said quickly. He managed to resist the urge to slam the door shut and stormed over to the cupboard under the stairs. "You, boy, get up!" he bellowed.
"Yes, Uncle Vernon."
"Get dressed and get out," Vernon ordered, "freaks are waiting for you."
"Yes, Uncle Vernon."
"Be quick about it, I don't want the neighbors to see them in front of my house."
"Yes, Uncle Vernon." Harry grabbed the bundle of clothes he'd prepared the night before and slipped out of the house to meet Mr. Addams for what he was sure would be the best week ever.
"Morning, Harry m'boy," Gomez said cheerfully.
"Good morning, sir."
"See you packed your things."
"Yes, sir."
"Eaten breakfast yet?"
"No, sir."
"Well, I dare say we'll be able to pick something up on the way. Nothing as good as Grandmama's cooking of course."
"Of course," Harry agreed quickly.
"But I'm sure we'll manage."
"Not to disparage your countrymen's cooking," Gomez said as they left the Inn, "but I couldn't taste any Toad in the Toad in a Hole and the blood pudding..."
"Not enough blood?" Harry guessed.
"Exactly! I think they overcooked everything, so it all came out rather bland. Well just you wait until you taste Grandmama's cooking! I'll wager she can make a Toad in the Hole that'll still hop going down and I know for a fact that her blood pudding is to die for!"
A man in a purple robe stopped as he spotted Harry. "Harry Potter, as I live and breath... it's an honor to meet you!" the man gushed shaking Harry's hand before suddenly rushing off.
"What was that about?" Gomez asked curiously.
Harry shrugged. "Don't know. It just happens occasionally."
"I have the same thing happen when I meet Morticians," Gomez commiserated. The Addams patriarch checked his watch. "Fancy a quick trip to the Tower of London, Harry? I hear they've got some new implements on display." He especially wanted a chance to examine their Scavenger's daughter.
"That would be great," Harry enthused. "I've never been there before."
"Shame we've only got time for a quick walk through today then," Gomez said grandly. "We'll have to remember to make a day of it later."
What followed was the best day of Harry's life. They'd made a quick tour of the Tower and Harry was amazed at the extensive knowledge Mr. Addams had regarding the implements of torture and execution. Even the guards had been impressed, offering a chance to examine parts of the collection not on public display in exchange for another lesson on their use.
After that they'd had another disappointing lunch on the way to the family's lodgings where Harry had met up with his new friends for another game of 'is there a god' until they finally got called in for supper.
Harry looked down at the food they'd set before him with an unreadable look on his face.
"Something wrong with grandmama's cooking?" Wednesday asked without intonation, wondering if he was going to show himself to be disappointingly average after showing himself to be almost up to Addams standards thus far.
"Is it . . ." Harry stammered. "Is it all for me?" he finally asked hesitantly.
"Course it is," Gomez assured the boy, "a growing boy like yourself needs a lot of food."
"And there's more when you finish with that portion," Morticia added.
Harry dug into the meal without hesitation and a great deal of enthusiasm. Sure it was different from what he got from the Dursleys, there was also about ten times the amount and they hadn't forced him to make any of it. Life was good for Harry Potter at the moment.
He never saw the measured looks the older Addamses exchanged over his head as he switched to a heavier knife to pin it down and stop its wiggling.
Gomez called the boy over after he'd finished his evening cigar.
"Yes, Mr. Addams?" Harry asked eagerly.
"Noticed you had a bit of trouble with dinner," Gomez observed.
"Sorry, sir."
"Don't be sorry," Gomez said cheerfully, "be more serious with your bladed weapon training so that you're ready next time."
"I don't have any bladed weapon training," Harry said shyly.
"What?" Gomez shouted in dismay. "At least tell me that you've mastered the basics of blunt instruments!"
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, be in the study in five minutes."
"Yes, sir," Harry sighed. He knew from long experience what the consequences of disappointing an adult would be.
The boy braced himself for what he knew was about to happen as he knocked on the door frame to catch Gomez's attention.
"Ah, Harry my boy. Glad you could make it." The man reached under his desk. "Here you are." Gomez handed Harry a long box. "It's the same blade I learned with when I was your age."
"You're not going to use your belt?" Harry asked slowly, shocked beyond belief that he wasn't going to be punished.
"We'll cover the proper way to wear a sword after you've mastered the basics," Gomez said with a wave. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid that I've got some sudden business to attend to."
Morticia found the boy a few minutes later, looking confused and still clutching the box he'd been given.
"What's that you have there?" the woman asked.
"I'm not sure, Mr. Addams gave it to me," Harry replied.
"What are you waiting for," Morticia prompted, "open it up."
Harry opened the box to reveal a razor sharp blade made of fine Toledo steel. The boy ran a careful finger down the blade, marveling at the silky smooth finish.
"Do you know how to use that?" Morticia asked.
"No, Mrs. Addams," Harry said quickly.
"Wonderful," the woman said in satisfaction, pleased that the boy knew his limits. "Come with me."
The woman spent a few minutes to show him the basics before drawing a sword of her own.
"Defend yourself," she ordered.
Harry leapt to the side to avoid being impaled and took a step back to avoid her follow up attack.
With a frown, Morticia maneuvered the boy into a corner to limit his mobility and struck once more.
Harry clumsily dodged the sword thrust, losing his grip on the rapier in his hand in the process.
"Is there some reason you aren't fighting back, child?" Morticia asked calmly.
"I'm allowed to do that?" Harry asked in shock.
"Of course you are, why else would we give you a sword?"
"Well . . . I've got fists but I'm not allowed to fight back when Dudley uses his on me," Harry replied.
"I see," she said flatly. "Never mind all that, pick up your sword and we'll take it from the top."
"Yes, Mrs. Addams."
Harry swung clumsily at Morticia, who allowed the blow to land to see what his reaction would be.
Harry froze for a second as blood ran down her side practically unnoticeable among the black of her dress, but standing out a stark blood red against her pale skin. Seeing that she was fine he almost smacked himself in the head, he'd momentarily forgotten they were like him, but he still had to ask just to make sure, "Are you sure it's ok to cut up that dress? It's really nice."
She bestowed a smile upon him. "This old thing? It was about due to become cleaning rags or cut up for restraints, this is a much more fun way to cut it up then using scissors, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yes, ma'am," Harry said brightly and brought his sword back to the guard position she'd shown him.
IIIIIIIIII
Gomez's face was expressionless as he watched the Dursley family sit down to their evening meal. He'd originally thought to offer to take young Harry off the oaf's hands, maybe throw a bit of money at the fat slob that obviously knew nothing of the value of family. Seeing this though, this scene of frightening stultifying fossilized conformity gave him other ideas. The Dursleys wanted to be average, to be unexceptional, to be boring? A brief flash of light illuminated Gomez's face as he lit his cigar. He could work with that.
"Back to the family, Lurch," he ordered.
"Unnnhhh."
Harry and the other children had been bundled off to bed by the time the patriarch of the Addams family returned home.
After an intimate reunion with his wife, the man got down to business.
"How was he?" Gomez asked.
"Good reflexes and the little darling didn't shrink away from making lethal blows," Morticia replied. "Rare to find a someone his age that hasn't picked up any bad habits."
IIIIIIIIII
As was his habit, Harry awoke early the next morning to make breakfast for his ungrateful family. Several seconds later, a smile appeared on the boy's face as he remembered where he was. He eagerly leapt out of bed and threw on his best set of cast offs. The day before had been the best of his life and he couldn't wait to see what would happen next.
The house was silent and for want of anything else to do, the boy decided to make his way down to the kitchen. It was there he found that he wasn't the only one awake so early.
"Couldn't sleep?" Grandmama cackled.
"I always wake up this early," Harry replied.
"I suppose you can help me cook then," the old woman said. "Since you're up."
"Okay," Harry agreed. "What do you want me to do?"
"Use that club there to stun the ingredients," she replied. "Don't hit them too hard, we want them to still be kicking when they go on the table."
Harry reached into the bag of 'ingredients,' pulled out a struggling toad, and gave it a soft tap on the back of the head.
"Gonna have to hit him harder then that or he'll jump out of the pot," the old woman instructed.
"Like this?" Harry gave the toad a firm wack.
"Just like that," she agreed. "Toss 'em in the pot after you get them stunned."
With a smile, Harry happily set about his work stunning toad after toad with ruthless efficiency.
The Patriarch of the Addams clan was the next to descend. "Decided to help out, did you?" he asked cheerfully.
"Yes, Mr. Addams," Harry agreed.
"Mind if I steal him away for a bit, Grandmama?" he asked grandly.
"Go ahead," the old woman said with a wave. "He's mostly finished up here anyway."
"Come on, Harry." Gomez threw an arm around the boy's shoulders and led him to the study.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Addams?" Harry asked, wide eyed and eager to help.
"Harry m'boy," Gomez began.
"Yes, Mr. Addams?"
"Gomez, please. Now then." Gomez cleared his throat. "Just for the sake of knowing the answer, have you any objections to, and this is just hypothetical of course, but do you have anything against moving to America, permanently?"
'With an eye towards joining the family,' Gomez added to himself. It wasn't too early to start thinking about Wednesday's future after all. "That way you'd be able to visit us as often as you like."
"Would it be possible?" Harry asked hopefully.
IIIIIIIIII
Gustov Grunning, owner of Grunning's Drills was pacing in his office when his largest potential customer arrived. 'Damn it,' he thought to himself. 'Why'd they put a drone like Dursley on something so important?' He'd crucify anyone responsible if Dursley had managed to, as expected, sour the account.
"Gustov," Gomez said loudly. "How are you today?"
"Wonderful, Mr. Addams," Mr. Grunning said with a weak smile. "Yourself?"
"Smashing, absolutely smashing." Gomez grinned. "You Brits really know how to throw a party."
"How did Vernon treat you?" the owner asked nervously, more then a bit afraid of the answer.
"Absolutely wonderful people," Gomez said cheerfully, "in fact I'll take a million units."
"A million?" tGustov choked, that was enough to triple the profit margin that year.
"You drive a hard bargain, my friend. Two million," Gomez agreed, "but only on the condition that my good friend Vern comes to America so I can consult with him on a daily basis. All this flying is making my arms tired, eh?"
"Heh heh," he laughed dutifully. "Consider it done Mr. Addams."
"Splendid." Gomez pulled out a large gold pocket watch and checked the time. "Hate to do business and run, but I'm afraid I have to get back to the family. You understand, don't you, old man?"
"Of course I do, Mr. Addams," Gustov said quickly. "I'm a family man myself." He waited until the eccentric billionaire was well and truly gone before collapsing in relief. Gustov wasn't sure what the man wanted with Vernon and to be quite frank, he didn't care. They could roast Dursley in a pot or shoot him to the moon, it was all the same to him so long as they didn't cancel their purchase.
The owner reached over and hit the intercom button. "Cheryl."
"Yes, Mr. Grunning?" his secretary's voice replied.
"Have Dursley meet me in my office, now."
"Right away, Mr. Grunning."
Vernon walked into the CEO's office with a look of expectation on his face. "You called for me, sir?"
"Just wanted to congratulate you on the fine work you did with the Addams account," the CEO replied.
"Glad to be of service to the company," Vernon replied.
"And don't think there won't be a reward for your excellent work," the CEO continued.
"What sort of reward?" Vernon asked greedily.
"I was thinking of promoting you to branch manager," the CEO mused. "That is, if you think you're up to it."
"Branch manager?" Vernon said dumbly. It would mean a considerable rise in pay and prestige. "Of course, sir."
"Sure you don't want to talk it over with the wife?" The CEO asked. "The new position may require a move."
"We've already discussed the possibility," Vernon replied. "Just never thought it would happen so soon."
"Wonderful, if you'll just sign here?"
"What's this clause mean?" Vernon asked.
"Merely informs you that we won't be able to hire you on at your old position if you find that the new responsibilities are too much to handle."
"That won't be a problem, sir." Vernon eagerly signed the contract.
"I knew I could count on you," the CEO said warmly. "One step closer to partner, eh?"
"Yes, sir."
"Imagine you want to get home to tell the wife the good news and to start packing," the CEO continued. "So why don't we have a toast to your good fortune first and then you can have the rest of the week off, with pay of course."
"Thank you, sir." Vernon was glowing, things were finally looking up.
IIIIIIIIII
While the Dursleys took a long awaited vacation, Harry spent the next two weeks preparing the house for their move to the United States. He couldn't wait to see Wednesday and Pugsley again.
The plane ride was wonderful, another great experience to add to his growing collection. Not only had the Dursleys insisted on putting him in another part of the aircraft, but the Stewardesses gave him extra helpings and a pair of pilots wings.
Harry's excitement level grew and grew as the family went through customs until he could hardly contain himself.
Vernon spent the entire drive to their new residence complaining about everything. The drivers, the side of the road they drove on, the weather, and the ungratefulness of the bastards for leaving the empire. Harry heard none of it, all he could think about was that he'd be seeing his friends again.
"Boy!" Vernon's shout drew Harry from his reverie. "Get out and tell those freaks to get their monstrosity away from our new house."
"Yes, Uncle Vernon." Harry got out the door and looked around to see what his uncle was talking about. It didn't take him long to find it. Sitting in front of a bland yellow house with a white picket fence was the biggest car Harry had ever seen, with the biggest man he'd ever seen in the drivers seat.
Harry walked up to the door and tapped on the window. "Excuse me."
"Unnnnnggg." The giant turned to look down at him.
"Harry, m'boy. Good to see you again," Gomez's familiar voice caused Harry to spin around. "I see you've met Lurch."
"Pleased to meet you, sir," Harry nodded to the family's butler.
"We've already set up a room for you at the house," Morticia announced.
"Good thing we did too," Gomez agreed. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we left you in this . . . place." He shook his head in disgust. "All those open windows to let sunshine and fresh air in."
"What's the hold up?" Vernon bellowed. "Boy, you . . . Mr. Addams." Vernon's tone changed in a second. "What are you doing here?"
"Live just up the hill." Gomez waved, drawing attention to the large imposing manor perched above the Dursley's nice normal life."
"You live up there?" Vernon felt ill, he'd made a terrible mistake.
"Looks like we're going to be neighbors, Vern ol' pal," Gomez agreed. "Wonderful, isn't it?"
Vernon went deathly pale. "No," he gasped. "This can't be happening."
"Insisted you be posted here to be my own personal salesman," Gomez continued. "That promotion is quite a feather in your cap, eh?"
"This must be a nightmare," Vernon mumbled to himself. "A horrible nightmare."
"And it's close enough that Wednesday and Pugsley can visit young Harry every day," Morticia cooed.
Vernon seemed to collapse. "I . . . I . . . I . . ."
"Might be better if young Harry came up to visit us," Gomez suggested with a smile. "Not to disparage your new home, but I doesn't look like you've got too much room."
"Yes." Vernon seized the idea like it was a life preserver. "Better if the boy went with you." Vernon was hit by a sudden flash of inspiration. "In fact, perhaps it would be best if he stayed up at your house." And if you all stayed as far away from here as possible.
"If you think that would be best," Morticia murmured.
"Then it's settled," Gomez shouted. "Harry, gather your things."
AN: I'll be honest; I will try to write a second part of this, you shouldn't expect it any time soon. Took me a few years to write this chapter. In the mean time, there is my short story (follow the link in my profile) and a few Omake to tide you over.
Story notes: If I ever get to Hogwarts in this one, I don't believe I'd have the Addams children accompany Harry. It's been done and done well.
Thanks go to Dogbertcarroll who donated copious quantities of sweet brain juice to keep this story going.
Ideas by: , lucindas, polychromeknight, siaru74
Typo busted by Jenifer Winterbine
Omake: Happens to everyone at least once.
"How was school today, dear?" Morticia asked her only daughter.
"Some boys pulled on my pigtails," Wednesday replied in a monotone. "Harry blew them up."
"Smashing," Gomez cheered. "Why I remember . . ."
"Like a balloon," Wednesday interrupted. "They didn't explode."
"The poor boy," Morticia sighed. "I do hope you didn't make fun of him, he can be so sensitive."
"Happens to the best of us," Gomez said uncomfortably. "Can't always be on top of things."
"Luckily thing a murder of crows came to finish the job," Pugsley chipped in. "Shame the men in black chased them away."
Omake: Hagrid
"I see you've met Kitty," Gomez said with a wide grin. "Looks like he's taken quite a liking to you too."
"Adorable little guy," Hagrid rumbled. The half giant shot a warm glance down at the lion gnawing on his leg. "They won't let me keep one at the castle."
"That's horrible." Gomez was aghast. "What is it you do at this castle of yours?"
"Groundskeeper," Hagrid replied. "Gives me plenty of time to take care of my pets."
"What sort of animals do you keep?" Morticia asked.
"The usual," Hagrid began. "To start with, I've got . . ."
IIIIIIIIII
"I've just received a resignation letter from Hagrid," Dumbledore said in shock. "He's collecting up his pets and moving to America."
Hagrid takes Agragog and the rest back to Wednesday, she raises spiders.
Omake: Family
"Cousin Wednesday?" the odd blond girl squealed. "It's been ages."
"Cousin Luna," Wednesday said unhappily. "It's been far too short."
"How's your mother dear?" Morticia asked with a pleasant grin. "I haven't seen Ophelia since the last time we were in England."
Omake: Possible Ending
"We ignored you when you were just culling the sheep," Wednesday said in a low dangerous voice, "but did you think we would ignore it when you tried to take something that belongs to me?"
IIIIIIIIII
"Back so soon, dear?" Morticia asked her daughter.
"I wanted to get back as quickly as possible." Wednesday put a jar containing a mysterious black smoke on the table.
"What's that you've brought?"
"Someone who didn't know his place," Wednesday replied.
Mini omake by Swordchucks
"Boy-Who-Lived, huh?" Wednesday asked, eying Harry speculatively.
"That's not a challenge, Wednesday," the boy in question said with a sigh.
"Are you sure about that?"
Omake by Thea_Zare
Dark hair frazzled around her sharp featured face as she explored the almost homey old mansion she'd found herself in. 'For apparent muggles, these Addams had taste.' She wasn't quite sure how she found herself here instead of in the un-tender mercy of the dementors, but she planned on taking full advantage of it.
Suddenly she found herself face to face with a rather rotund, bald man in a turtleneck. Instantly on the offensive, she fired off a crucio, and prepared to follow it up with the killing curse. Shock brought her casting to a halt however. Instead of writing in pain the the man was... could it be...
"Stop it, 'trixie, that tickles." He called out between giggles.
Eyes wide she turned to make a quick get away and thudded into a brick wall. At least that's what if felt like. Jumping back she cranked her head up and up and up until she was looking at what seemed to her to be some sort of giant inferi. The guttural "Uhhh" that echoed out of it's throat almost seemed to agree with her mental assessment. She aimed and fired off a killing curse at the creature, who completely failed to respond in any way.
Bellatrix Lestrange found herself in the, for her, unique emotion of terror. As the behemoth in front of her groaned once more she lost all bladder control. This was almost immediately followed with a drenching of water to the face.
"Bad 'trixie, not on the rug!" The turtle necked muggle said in exasperation while tucking the seltzer bottle away again.
Omake by Stevenstirling23
"Well I'll be," muttered Hagred as he took a good look at the Unicorn that had climbed up a tree to retreat from the first year Slitherin. "Diddn't even know they could do that. Well just goes to show that you learn something new each day, don't it kids?"
"Indeed," said Wednesday as she studied the obvious half giant. While he would never win an intellectual contest, he seemed to truly care for creatures that most normal people, and most wizards for that matter, would just as soon kill then look at. It was an almost Addams like attitude, one that earned him a pinch of respect with an eye of observing him to see if he had any more interesting traits.