Disclaimer: Still busy with other things so I cleaned up an old idea.
Spark of MADNESS
James woke up to the sound of his wife laughing maniacally. Oh, how he wished that was something unusual! In a flash, it all came back to him; he'd been attacked by Voldemort, how in the hell were they still alive?
"Lils, what's going on?" James groaned.
"I am the greatest magical genius in the universe is what's going on," Lily cackled. "Not only have I destroyed Voldemort, but I have defeated time itself. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"
"Um . . . where's Harry?" James asked, always the practical one. He looked mournfully at the remains of their house. It was the third time Lily had destroyed it since their wedding.
"Hmmmm?" Lily's wand appeared in her hand and she began waving it furiously while muttering a stream of incantations under her breath. "James?"
"What is it?" he asked with growing dread.
"I may have made a tiny error when I made the runic array," she admitted in a tiny voice.
"Where's Harry?" he repeated.
"He should be getting back from his first year at Hogwarts," Lily replied. "I still don't understand why he didn't come with us."
"I thought you said two hours?" James felt faint.
"It was just a couple of itty bitty decimal places," Lily huffed. "Don't act like you've never made a mistake."
"Let's just go collect Harry," James suggested.
"Yes, let's," Lily agreed.
To James' dismay, Harry was not at 'Sirius' Swinging Bachelor Pad' or at the depressing Black residence in London.
"Maybe he moved?" James suggested hopefully.
"Nonsense," Lily barked. "No doubt poor Sirius was captured by Death Eaters and forced to reveal the fact that Peter was the real secret keeper, and, having no use for our canine friend, the Death Eaters tortured him to death and dumped his mutilated remains in some public place." She placed a solemn comforting hand on her husband's shoulder. "We shall reap a bloody revenge."
"Lily, I . . ."
"After we get Harry," Lily added, switching back to her usual cheerfulness in a flash. "Let us go to the residence of my guardian of choice."
"Yes, dear," James agreed, hoping her choice wasn't who he thought it was, as she would have raised Harry to be like them. His wife was bad enough, he didn't think he could stand it if his son was one of them too. Not after learning of the probable loss of his best friend anyway.
"Come along, James," Lily commanded, grabbing her husband by the arm and transporting them to their next destination.
"I hate it when you do that," James groused. His heart sunk as he examined their new surroundings, they were in front of a giant chess piece, his worst fears had come true.
"No doubt Harry blossomed under the care of my rival, the number two magical genius in the universe, but there's no doubt that my precious son will need the love and care of his mother to reach his full potential," Lily proclaimed. "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"
James stepped past his wife to knock on the door.
"Yes?" A small blond girl looked up at him. "Are you here to speak with father about the bogwart infestation?"
"We're here to speak with your mother about our son," James replied. Lovegoods, why did it always have to be Lovegoods?
"I'm afraid you won't be able to speak with mummy," the small blond girl said mournfully. "She died in a lab accident."
"Selene die in a lab accident?" Lily shouted. "Impossible, I refuse to believe it. Who are you?"
"Luna," the girl introduced herself.
"Take me to Selene's lab this instant," Lily commanded.
They followed the small blond girl down a set of spiral stairs, past a heavy oak door, and into a dust filled room.
"No one's been in here since Mummy died," Luna reported.
James eyed his wife out of the corner of his eye. Why couldn't he have married a nice normal girl, or even a girl that was only slightly unhinged, like Bellatrix? No, he had to let his fetish for redheads steamroll his common sense. 'Curse you, libido!' he lamented to himself.
"Hah! Just as I thought. Unable to compete with my superior genius, Selene also made a mistake when drawing up her runic array. One I feel compelled to mention is slightly larger than the almost unnoticeable mistake that I am compelled by my strong sense of honesty to admit that I made. Instead of disappearing for two hours, she'll be gone for . . . . eleven years, ten months, one week, five days, six hours, ten minutes, and thirty seven seconds. Lucky for her that the size of my generosity is second only to the size of my limitless genius," Lily bellowed. "Bwahahahahaha!"
"Laugh after you've freed Selene, dear," James chided.
"Yes, yes of course, it's much more enjoyable to gloat where your defeated rival can see it," Lily agreed. "Bwaha . . . ahem."
"Does that mean you're going to bring mummy back?" Luna asked hopefully.
"I couldn't rub my superior genius in her face if I didn't, could I?" Lily replied with a wide smile. "Stand back." Her wand flashed, the room spun, and they were graced with the presence of the missing Lovegood.
"Mummy!" Luna sobbed, throwing herself into the woman's arms.
"Did you get into the aging potions again?" Selene asked her daughter.
"You were gone," Luna said, tightening her grip. "We thought you were dead."
"Well I wasn't and I'm back now." She returned her daughter's hug.
"Back thanks only to my incomparable genius," Lily crowed. "It's so sad to see the mighty fall so low, so depressing to see what the woman I once considered my rival was reduced to without the guiding light of my massive intellect."
"Considering the advanced date I'd like to point out that you must have made the same mistake I did," Selene sniffed.
"I'd like to point out that you were no doubt working off my notes," Lily rebutted.
"I'd like to ask where my son is?" James interjected.
"I'd like to know that too," Selene agreed. "Dumbledore disappeared him the night you disappeared yourselves."
"What, why didn't Sirius stop him?" James demanded.
"Sirius was sent to prison for your murders," Selene replied. "We printed an article in the Quibbler pointing out the fact that he was never tried. No one paid any attention."
"So you just left him to rot in prison?"
"So I spent years reconstructing Lily's research in hopes of finding a way to bring you two back," Selene corrected. "Unfortunately, temporal mechanics was never really my field."
"Lily, can you find Harry?" James asked gently.
"A trivial task for someone of my stature," Lily laughed. "After that, I suggest we storm Azkaban and free Sirius. Then, we reap our bloody revenge on the Death Eaters." It would be so much more convenient to do so after they broke into the prison since their targets would all be in one spot. "Bwaha . . ."
"Harry first," James said firmly.
"Right," Lily agreed. "Selene, darling, do you mind too terribly if we use your house as a hideout?"
"Not at all, dear," Selene replied, lifting her daughter up into her arms. "I just keyed you into the wards and the physical key is hidden under the doormat; be sure not to use it or your arms will fall off."
"Thank you, darling," Lily said with a smile. "Come along, James, we've got a son to collect."
"Yes, my love," James agreed. Plenty of girls at Hogwarts and he had to pick Lily. It was times like this, the times she had her clothes on, that he wondered what he'd been thinking.
They arrived on the doorstep of number four and Lily raised a fist to knock on the door.
"I can't wait to hear which ones of those silly laws of nature that Harry's already broken," Lily babbled as they waited for the door to open. "Will he be like his mummy and have created a horrible ravening beast to serve as his guardian?"
"I don't know, Lils," James replied with a shudder. It had vanished after their second potions lesson. He still wasn't sure whether to be comforted or terrified that Lily's monster had seemingly disappeared. Maybe it was just waiting for him to let his guard down. James glanced around fearfully. Harry's father was snapped out of his musings by the door opening.
"Petty?" Lily exclaimed in shock. "Why are you taking care of my son?"
"Oh god no," Petunia gasped. "Not you, anything but you, you're dead, I know you're dead, they promised me you were dead."
"I'm beginning to suspect that you've been raising my son in a way that I would not approve," Lily announced flatly.
"I thought you were dead," Petunia babbled. "If I knew . . . if I even suspect you could come back I'd have never . . ."
"Shame you didn't, even greater shame you did," Lily intoned. She hit her sister with a silencing charm. "Fetch Harry, James." She made eye contact with her sister. "Get his things and take him out for dinner, I'll meet you at the Lovegood's house."
"As bad as you thought it would be?" James asked.
"Worse," Lily growled. "So bad that I'm feeling positively Olympian." Now where was she going get a liver eating eagle in the British isles? It wasn't like any of the pet shops sold them unless they'd grown some sense in the years she was gone. It was something to hope for anyway.
"Why don't we take care of Harry together first," James suggested. "We can always hunt them down later, maybe make a family trip of it."
"Alright," Lily agreed, her eagerness to see her son overcoming her thirst for revenge. "I'll be seeing you, Petty." Lily stepped over the unconscious body of her sister to take her husband by the arm. "He's locked in his room."
"Definitely making a family day of it," James growled.
"It's statements like that, that remind me why I married you," Lily cooed. "I can't wait to see the look on our baby's face when he sees us." She rushed to the top of the steps, dragging her husband behind, and came to a nervous stop in front of her son's door.
"This is it?" James asked, eying the door.
Lily flicked her wand, causing the door to be torn out of its frame. "Harry, mummy's here to rescue you." Her breath caught when she saw how scrawny he was.
"Mu . . . mum?" The boy gasped, disbelieving the information his eyes were sending to his brain.
"Harry!" Lily sobbed, rushing across the room and throwing her arms around the boy. "Mummy's here now, it'll all be okay." Her revenge on the Dursleys would be bloody and anything but swift. Petunia and the others were going to have a long time to think about what they'd done before she granted them the sweet release of death.
"You're not planning to kill me, are you?" Harry asked suspiciously. Learning that Voldemort was still around coupled with the natural suspicion of anything good happening he'd developed from living with the Dursleys had combined to make Harry a bit cautious.
"Of course not," Lily murmured, pulling him tighter.
"Where were you?" the boy asked, willing himself not to cry. "Why did you leave me all alone?"
"We were trapped outside of time because mummy made a tiny mistake with her runic array," Lily replied. "And you were supposed to be with us, I still haven't determined why you were left behind."
"I've got his things," James announced. "Let's get him out of this place."
"Do we know any trustworthy healers?" Lily asked, softly stroking her son's hair.
"We'll ask Selene, let's go."
"Right," Lily agreed. A deranged smile formed on her face as she thought of a way to express her displeasure to people who'd 'raised' her son. That silly three fold rule may be nonsense, but there was no reason she couldn't invent a curse to replicate its effects. Let the punishment fit the crime, and when the punishment was completed, then Lily would arrive with her eagle to show that there was nothing in the world more dangerous than a mother avenging her son. She felt a laugh bubbling up and ruthlessly clamped down on it, her baby had fallen asleep and she did not wish to wake him.
James shuddered at the look on his wife's face, oh how he hoped it wasn't for him.
IIIIIIIIII
Selene cocked her head when the wards announced her friends had returned with their wayward child. Time to see what type of boy her godson had grown into.
She limped into the drawing room to meet them. Not because of any injury but because her daughter Luna was doing her best impersonation of a limpet and had refused to release her mother for even an instant as if afraid the woman would disappear again.
"Found Harry, did you?" Selene asked.
"Do you know any trustworthy healers?" Lily demanded. "My sister's pettiness has stunted my poor baby boy's growth. I've got an idea to address that, but I'd also like to get a good idea of his general state of well being first."
"To plot your revenge or to make sure your hair brained ritual won't harm him?"
"Can't it be both? Any way, I think it's time we started plotting our assault on Azkaban. I'm thinking we should make it spectacular so that the the fools tremble at my return and all that."
"Works for me," Selene agreed. A flick of her wand summoned the tea and biscuits. "Care for a snack?"
"Why yes, thank you, my dear."
"Not at all, darling, not at all."
IIIIIIIIII
Harry awoke from what had to have been the most wonderful dream of his life. His parents had returned and taken him away from the Dursleys. Not only that, but he was sure he'd heard them talking about a slow and horrible vengeance on the bastards who'd raised him. Harry sighed, as if his life could be that lucky.
"Hello?" a soft feminine voice called out, causing Harry's eyes to snap open. "I'm Luna, who are you?"
"Harry," he introduced himself automatically. He took a moment to examine his surroundings; he seemed to be in a richly furnished room and his companion seemed to have a death grip on a disembodied hand. "Um-"
"Yes?" Luna prompted.
"Is the person who's hand you're holding under an invisibility cloak?" he asked somewhat hopefully.
"No, mummy detached her hand and gave it to me to hold since I wouldn't let go of it," Luna answered. And then had gone to get 'reacquainted' with her father, saying that she wouldn't need both hands for what she planned to do.
"Aaaaaaaaand I'm done," a beautiful blonde announced as she walked into the room. "Or rather he is. I'm going to need my hand back, darling."
"Here you are, mummy," Luna agreed, holding the appendage up.
"Thank you, Luna." She turned to regard Harry with a smile. "I'm your aunt Selene, I'm going to be looking after you until your parents return from storming Azkaban." The woman absently reattached her hand.
"That wasn't a dream?" Harry asked in shock.
"It was not, dear," Selene agreed. "Your parents and I were both stuck outside time by separate temporal accidents but we're here for you now."
"Is mum really going to get revenge on the Dursleys?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Your mother is going to make them curse the day they were born," Selene promised. "How are you two getting along?"
"Just fine, Mummy," Luna replied, having claimed her customary spot on her mother's leg while she and Harry had their conversation.
"I'm glad. Are you two hungry?" She looked down at her godson, if he wasn't she'd be cramming food down his throat anyway. Boy looked entirely too thin. She made a mental note to have a word with Lily to get in on the revenge.
"If it's not too much trouble," Harry agreed.
"Of course not," Selene replied. She activated the well used kitchen enchantments to have some snacks made. "Sandwiches and juice okay?"
"Fine, mummy," Luna agreed aloud while her new friend just nodded.
IIIIIIIIII
Sirius was in his cell wallowing in his own filth, something far more enjoyable then it sounded thanks to his dog form, when the cell door flew off its hinges along with a good bit of the wall. To the not secret keeper's astonishment, his best friend walked in through the newly created entrance.
"Hey, Paddy," James said with a grin. "Turns out we weren't dead after all."
Sirius was so shocked by the appearance of his supposedly 'dead' best friend, that he spontaneously transformed back to human form. "One of Lily's experiments?"
"On the nose," James agreed.
"Why'd you marry her anyway?" Sirius demanded.
"The fact that you can ask that question confirms that you never got past the wards she put up to prevent peeping," James announced with a goofy grin.
"That she never let me, like she did you," Sirius corrected. "Here to rescue me?"
James nodded. "And pick up a few 'test subjects' for Lily. I'm really hoping that she won't experiment on us if she's got perfectly disposable Death Eaters to do her dirty work on."
"Do we have that much luck?" Sirius asked, a look of longing on his face.
"We're due for some. Let's hope for the best."
Lily stormed into the cell with a look of annoyance on her face. "What's taking you chumps so long?"
"Just having a reunion, my love," James said quickly. "Did you collect what you wanted?"
"All the Dementors and half the prisoners," Lily agreed. She'd also been kind enough to provide more pleasant replacements for Azkaban's guardians.
"What did you do with the other half?" Sirius asked, regretting the question the second the words were uttered.
"I introduced their insides to the outside," Lily giggled. "They'll be exploding in five minutes so we'd better hurry or we'll need new robes."
James had a sudden and horrible thought. "That killed them, didn't it?"
"It will in four minutes and forty five seconds," Lily replied. "Better hurry."
"Come on, Sirius!" James shouted.
"Right behind you, James!"
IIIIIIIIII
Amelia was just setting her lunch out on her desk when her assistant burst in and ruined everything.
"Madame Bones, it's Azkaban!" he breathlessly gasped.
"What about it?" Amelia demanded. She reached under the table to hit the button that would summon the quick reaction team.
"It's not possible, the dementors have been turned into heaps of strawberry jam and the prisoners have been turned inside out," the man wheezed. "And then they exploded."
"The guards?"
"Two of them were turned inside out, the rest are in some sort of enchanted sleep," the man replied quickly.
"Damn it!" Amelia closed her eyes in anticipation of the headache she knew was coming. "Anything else?"
"A long list of things wrong with the security followed by a short note which stated none of that mattered because we'd have never been able to stop someone of their genius was nailed to the front door of the fortress."
"It said that?" Amelia asked intently.
"Yes, Madame Bones."
"I should have known she'd find a way to resurrect herself," Amelia muttered to herself. "Contact the Department of Mysteries; tell them that SHE is back."
"Tell the Department of Mysteries that she's back," the man agreed.
"No. That SHE is back, emphasize the 'she'."
"Yes, Madame Bones," the confused assistant agreed. "SHE is back."
"Good, now go." The man rushed out of the room before she'd completed her command.
Amelia waited until she was sure he was gone before opening her desk and checking some papers. Right, she had enough time to retire from the Ministry with a full pension. Time to take it before word got around.
She hoped Rufus appreciated getting the whole mess dumped in his lap, as much as she appreciated everything he'd done to her over the years while bucking for her job.
IIIIIIIIII
James and Sirius were still catching up on old times when the group got back to the Lovegood residence.
Sirius was feeling particularly boisterous as they entered the front door. "Let's call Remus over, then we can hunt down the rat together."
"Call Remus, but Peter belongs to me," Lily said firmly. "I've got plans for him, oh yes I do."
"Whatever you say, Lily," Sirius agreed quickly.
"What plans?" James asked.
"Every boy needs a rat to test things on before they're ready for human trials," Lily replied.
"Would it be okay if I helped?" Sirius asked hopefully.
"If it's alright with Harry," Lily said with a disinterested shrug.
Sirius' eyes lit up. Happy that he got to torture Peter and combine it with his godfatherly duties.
James licked his lips. "Speaking of Harry, I think it's time he and I had a father-son talk."
"Is this your way of asking me to give you some privacy?" Lily asked.
"Yes."
"While it may pain me to spend even a moment away from my baby's side, I shall endure." Lily wiped away a fake tear.
"Thanks, Lils." It didn't take long for James to find his son and lead him to a place where they could have a bit of peace.
"What do you want to talk about, dad?" Harry relished the fact that he finally had a male role model in his life that wasn't Vernon. Anyone would have done, he'd even considered one of Ms. Figg's cats. Unfortunately for Mr. Tibbs, the reappearance of Harry's parents had ended that idea.
"Harry." James placed a comforting hand on his son's shoulder. "Son, it's perfectly natural to be terrified of your mother. I myself have a reoccurring nightmare that she occasionally accidentally kills me and then replaces me with a clone before anyone notices." He tried to ignore the ever changing barcode on the back of his neck, pretending to believe that it was just a prank Sirius and Remus had started pulling after he'd made the mistake of telling them about his nightmares. Who knew, maybe it was, a barcode seemed a bit mundane for something from his wife's twisted mind.
IIIIIIIIII
Amelia was in a deep depression when her door was unexpectedly flung open to admit one of her subordinates.
"Madame Bones," the underling called out as he burst into her office. "It's the Dementors."
"The ones that were turned into strawberry jam?" Damn Fudge for not accepting her resignation.
"Yes, Madame Bones. They're eating the remains of the exploded prisoners."
"This sounds like a job for the Department of Mysteries," Amelia said firmly after a brief moment of thought. "Drop the whole thing in their lap and forget about it."
"Yes, Madame Bones."
"In fact." She perked up as she finally thought of a way to reduce her high stress levels. "Dump the whole Azkaban mess in their laps along with any other odd cases that crop up in the future."
"Odd cases, Madame Bones?"
"You'll know them when they happen."
"If you say so, Madame Bones."
IIIIIIIIII
Sirius was just about to drift off to sleep, lulled by the incessant chatter of the women, when a sudden thought caused his eyes to shoot open in alarm.
"Lily!" Sirius' eyes were wild and worried.
"What is it?" She replied.
"The other prisoners," Sirius said quickly. "Was there anyone else that was innocent?"
She glanced down at notes. "There were three other people in prison for crimes they didn't commit," Lily agreed without looking up.
"You didn't do to them what you did to the rest of them, did you?" Sirius asked.
"Of course not!" Lily replied, scandalized by the very notion. "I've got something very special planned for them."
"What were they accused of, darling?" Selene interjected.
"Several counts of muggle baiting," Lily answered.
"And what did they actually do?" Selene prompted.
"Attempted murder of my baby boy." Lily's eyes were shining with unholy rage. "Which is why I've got something very special for them, very special indeed."
"Can I help?" Sirius asked.
"What can you do that's worse than what I'm going to?" Lily demanded.
"Then can I watch?" Sirius whined. "He's my godson and it wouldn't feel right to not get in on the revenge."
"Selene?" Lily looked over at her closest friend with a smile.
"I'll get the popcorn popping," the woman laughed. "I'll be just like old times."
"Hold off on that for a bit, we've still got to get our Harry checked out by a competent Healer."
Lily bent down to talk with her goddaughter. "What have your meals been like, Luna?"
"We're in the middle of strawberry syrup," Luna replied with a grin. "Next month is maple syrup."
"You have pancakes every meal?" Selene asked, hoping to confirm the fact that her husband could still only cook one dish.
"Only for dinner," Luna chirped. "We have bubble and squeak for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch."
"He's branched out," Selene exclaimed in surprise. "All he knew how to make was pancakes when I was dating him. He lived off them for two years before we got married."
Lily giggled. "I think half the reason James proposed to me so soon was because he wouldn't have been able to feed himself."
"I could so feed myself," James said loudly as he and Harry walked into the room. "It's easy."
"Oh, what did you eat before you had me to cook for you?" Lily challenged.
"I went into London and ate fish and chips," James said smugly.
"For every meal?"
"Only for lunch and dinner, I had cold cereal in the mornings."
IIIIIIIIII
Harry was still busy enjoying the best day of his life. He'd met his Aunt Selene, he'd had a strange but wonderful talk with his dad, he'd met his godfather, and now he was sitting on his mum's lap telling everyone about the adventures he'd had while at Hogwarts.
"Then we gave the dragon to Ron's brother to take back to Romania," Harry finished.
"We ever help smuggle a dragon out of school?" Sirius whispered to James.
"No," James replied proudly.
"As expected of my son," Lily crowed. "I feel a laugh coming on," Lily said, a maniacal grin on her face. "Wait . . . wait . . . here it comes . . . never mind, false alarm. Tell me more about school, Harry, have you destroyed any of your Professor's will to live?"
"I burned one to death with my hands," Harry replied with a shy smile. "But he was being possessed by Voldemort so I don't know if it counts."
"Hah, in your face, James. I told you he'd take more after me. It's just a case of my superior traits breeding true," Lily laughed.
"Do you play Quidditch?" James asked, long practice allowed him to ignore his wife.
"Youngest Seeker in a century," Harry announced.
"Hah!" James laughed. "And hah again!"
"It's just my baby showing that my genetics are so superior that they boost yours," Lily commented. "What year did you get on the team again?"
"Fourth," James grumbled.
"That's when I got on the team," Sirius corrected. "You were on the reserve team till fifth."
"Where as Harry got on the starting line in his first year," Lily finished smugly.
Selene's eyes crossed. "Healer's here."
"Who is it?" Lily asked.
"You remember Andy, don't you? Sirius' cousin. She became a veterinarian after you disappeared," Selene replied.
"A veterinarian?" James said flatly.
"Most mammals are pretty similar when you open them up," Lily said with a disinterested shrug. "And we did specify trustworthy."
"True," James sighed.
"In here, Andy," Selene called out.
"Selene, Lily, and James too," Andromeda said with a warm smile. "I wondered if you three would show up."
"We've also got that useless cousin of yours," Lily added.
Andromeda gave Sirius a measured look. "Is he innocent or are you lulling him into a false sense of security?"
Lily pasted a look of innocence on her face. "Can't it be both?"
"Suppose it can," Andromeda agreed. "You wanted me to check out the kids?"
"We did," Selene agreed. "Are you already finished? I didn't even see you start."
"I've been working on a few things," Andromeda said modestly. "Preliminary findings are that they both have poor nutrition, Harry more so than Luna."
"I've got some ideas for that," Lily cut in. "Is there anything serious we need to deal with?"
"Aside from my cousin?" Andromeda laughed. "Nothing too big, some old injuries on Harry that I'd like to look at later."
"Great!" Lily shouted, raising her fist to the sky. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Selene?"
"To the lab!" Selene shouted.
Lily lowered her hand. "Mine or yours?"
"I would suspect that yours is in better shape than mine is at the moment," Selene said with an embarrassed grin. "Not that my husband isn't a perfectly lovely man, he's just useless at everything useful."
"Most men are," Lily said, putting a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.
Selene stooped down to talk to her daughter. "Wait here with Harry, Luna. Mummy and her friends are going to do something unspeakably horrific that will violate the laws of nature. You've got plenty of time to do that later, so I think it would be best if you used the time you have now to make a new friend."
"Okay, mummy," Luna agreed.
"Do you want me to leave my hand with you?" Selene asked gently.
Luna just shook her head in reply.
"Okay, if you change your mind or you get too lonely, just knock on the door to Aunt Lily's lab and we'll come out. Okay?" Luna nodded. "Good."
James wisely kept his mouth shut until after the women had opened what had been the door to the Lovegood's cloak room and filed in, one after the other.
After he was sure they were gone, he turned to his son with a serious look on his face. "Harry, there are times in a man's life when he needs to stand up and say 'I will not be insulted, I will not take this anymore.' Do you understand?"
"I think so," Harry agreed.
"Good, that was not one of those times. In fact, those times don't exist when it's your mother on the other side."
"He speaks the truth," Sirius agreed. "Lily is always right."
"She can't hear you, there's no need to suck up," James sighed.
"Are you sure?" Sirius looked around fearfully. "She has ways of knowing things."
IIIIIIIIII
Lily's lab was much the way Andromeda remembered it; a massive well-lit space with odd equipment filling every section and one wall a segment of a giant fish tank. She blinked in surprise as a creature the size of the Knight Bus swam by. She could have sworn that was a . . . but they were extinct so . . . on the other hand, it was Lily they were dealing with.
As she continued her examinations, she noticed something in the corner that would haunt her for the rest of her days. Bound to a large steel rack were three men; each of whom had a tube connecting his outtake to his intake.
Lily noticed what had caught Andromeda's attention and decided to explain. "It's a perfect closed system," she announced. "They can be kept that way indefinitely."
"Why are they being kept that way?" Andromeda asked sickly. "Why not just kill them?"
"Those are the misguided men that decided that it would be a good idea to make an attempt on my baby's life," Lily replied. "Gently showing them the error of their ways is on my to do list."
"That's gentle?"
"That's keeping them from doing any more mischief until I get around to showing them the error of their ways," Lily corrected.
"I see." Andromeda made another mental note to never ever do anything to annoy Lily before filing the memory in the section of her mind that she filed everything else she wished she hadn't seen or found out.
It fit perfectly between the day her daughter had decided to show her friends that she could transform herself into a tentacle monster (sixteenth birthday party), and the day she's walked in on her brother-in-law showing the world why chickens were his favorite animal (The wedding). Though how he'd managed to get polyjuice to work on . . . she severed that line of thought and did her best to
re-repress it.
"Igor," Lily shouted.
"Yethss misthtress?" a hunchback replied, limping out of one of the shadows.
"He's new," Selene commented. "Wherever did you find him?"
"He's one of the prisoners I took from Azkaban," Lily replied.
"I thought you said that only three other people were there for crimes they didn't commit?" Selene asked with a frown.
"I committed the crimths I was accused of, misthrethss," Igor replied. "Fifteen countths of grave robbery and ten more of unlawful thspell research."
"Did you get anyone else with such a stellar resume?" Selene demanded.
"Nope, he's the best, but there were a couple others that may catch your eye. I'll let you poke through them later."
"Thank you, Lily."
"Not at all, Selene."
"Why did I miss those two again?" Andromeda muttered to herself. "Come to think of it, why did I become friends with them in the first place?"
IIIIIIIIII
A smile bloomed on Hermione's face when a familiar looking snowy owl swooped through one of the windows and landed on the dinner table.
"Preck," Hedwig announced, holding out her leg.
"It's from Harry," Hermione said. She took a few minutes to read through the letter and then read through it again twice more, wanting to be sure that it had said what she'd thought it said. Why in the world did . . . then again, it was Harry. "Mum, can I borrow your physics books?"
"Just be sure to put them back when you're done, darling."
"I know, mum." Hermione turned back to the owl. "It may take some time."
"Preck," Hedwig replied, glad the girl hadn't noticed that the best post owl in the world had taken the opportunity to clean her plate when she wasn't looking.
IIIIIIIIII
James walked out of the lab, up to his son, and squatted to look the boy in the eye.
"Harry, your mother and your Aunt Selene have cobbled together a strange contraption to do a few tests on you and Luna." He pulled the boy into a hug. "It'll probably be okay, but if it isn't . . . if it isn't, just know that I love you."
Luna tugged on the man's robe. "Does this mean we can go back to mummy now?" she asked hopefully.
"Come on," James sighed. He led the children into Lily's lab.
"Mummy!" Luna squealed, darting towards the woman and wrapping her arms around her mother's legs.
"I missed you too, darling," Selene murmured, reaching down to place a comforting hand on her daughter's head.
"Harry!" Lily called out with a wide grin. "Come over here and get in the large dangerous looking glass jar."
"Okay, mum," Harry agreed. The boy was sure that his father had been joking, everyone had talked about how much the man enjoyed pranks right?
"Good boy." Lily locked him into the contraption. "Now this probably won't hurt a bit."
"Uh, mum . . ." An uncomfortable thought penetrated Harry's skull, perhaps his dad hadn't been joking after all.
"Hit it, Selene," Lily screamed. "Bwahahahahahahaha!"
"Right," Selene agreed, throwing a large knife switch.
Lightning flared, smoke billowed, and a red light came on as the machine made a 'ding' sound.
"Your turn, dear," Selene announced as she hustled her daughter into the machine. "Now, Lily."
"For SCIENCE!" Lily bellowed as she flipped the switch. "Bwaha-hmmmm."
"What is it?" Selene demanded. In the background, the machine dinged to announce it was done with Luna.
"Harry's results," Lily replied.
"Good?"
"There was never any doubt that my baby would have good results," Lily sniffed.
"That high, huh?"
"Yes," Lily agreed. "That high, how did Luna do?"
Selene checked the read out. "The same."
"Trade results, I'll show you Harry's if you show me Luna's"
"Deal," Selene agreed.
"Gimme," Lily demanded. The two women went over their godchildren's results.
"Lily, do you realize what this means?" Selene shouted.
"If we breed our children together, we will create super intelligent grand babies," Lily cheered.
"No arranging marriages for our son!" James said firmly.
"But-"
"No, you promised," James reminded her firmly. Sometimes a bloke had to put his foot down to remind the wife who wore the trousers in the family.
"Fine." Lily sulked for a few minutes before perking up again. "I did promise not to arrange any marriages. I did not promise not to encourage any relationships to develop."
"We'll need more children to make this a valid study," Selene pointed out. "Two test subjects does not an experiment make."
"Would you like to provide the son this time?" Lily asked.
"Thank you, dear, I believe I would."
"Perfect."
"No using the children for experiments," James added quickly, aware that the situation was spinning away from the tenuous thread of control he liked to think he had over it.
"I don't recall promising that," Lily replied with a grin.
"Drat." He'd have to find a way to make it up to the kid later, and in light of the size of the oversight, he was going to have to do something really special for the boy.
"The way I see it, you'll need more than one girl involved with Harry, nothing says scientific method like a harem of . . ." Sirius froze at the twin feminine glares directed at him. "Shutting up now."
IIIIIIIIII
Hermione walked up to her mother with a stack of papers in her left hand, a large book in her right, and a frown on her face.
"What is it?" Her mother asked.
"Could you check my equations, mum?" Hermione replied with a blush. "I think I must be making a mistake."
"Give it here," the woman demanded. She spent a couple minutes pouring over the paperwork before a matching frown appeared on her face. "If you're making a mistake, I'm making the same one."
"Thanks, mum."
"What's this all about?"
"Harry's gotten himself into trouble again, mum," Hermione replied.
"What's this trouble have to do with time travel?"
"I don't know, mum," Hermione sighed.
"Let me know when you find out."
"I will, mum," Hermione agreed.
IIIIIIIIII
Harry eyed the runic circle his mother had drawn up with a hint of fear, surely his father had been exaggerating? If only he'd known the truth, his fear would have turned into full blown panic. Mindful of his father's warnings, he decided to make sure everything would be safe.
"Could we have aunt Selene double check this?" Harry asked hopefully.
"You don't trust your mummy?" Lily asked with tears in her eyes. "You think your mummy would do something to hurt you? Oh the shame, the horror, if only I'd been around to properly bond with my son. Curse the completely understandable and almost insignificant mistake that tore me from his side," she sobbed.
"I trust you!" Harry said quickly. "It's just that . . ."
"Great," Lily cheered, her tears disappearing. "Contact. Transformers, not much meets the eye," Lily sang to herself as lightning filled the room. "Transformers, touch one and you'll fry."
A column of light rose into the sky and split into three parts, each heading off and disappearing. Ten seconds later, three smaller streams of light returned.
"What happened?" Harry asked, he felt woozy and everything was blurry.
"Hmmmm?" Lily cast a couple of quick diagnostic charms. "I'm such a genius!" She laughed. "Sometimes I even amaze myself, it's a wonder I'm not crushed under the massive weight of my massive intellect." She smiled at her son. "Take off your glasses, Harry."
"I can see," Harry said in shock.
"You're also bigger and blessed with perfect health," Lily added. Just a little down payment from the Dursley family for all they'd put him through in the past. "We'll use it on Luna next, nothing too good for my future source of grand babies!" Lily raised a fist in the air. "In fact, why don't you go get her now."
"Okay, mum," Harry agreed after making a quick check that he hadn't lost or gained any appendages. The second he opened the door, he was assaulted by a very annoyed owl.
"Preck," Hedwig scolded, slapping him in the back of the head with her wing. "Preck preck preck."
"Do you know this owl, Harry?" Lily asked, her hand hovering over a big red button.
"This is Hedwig, my owl, remember?"
"Oh . . . right." Lily's hand moved away from the button. "Looks like she's got a message for you."
"I wonder why she's so angry?"
"We're out of phase with the rest of reality, really confuses Owl's homing senses," Lily replied.
"Preck." Hedwig bashed him in the back of the head one more time with her wing before presenting her leg.
"Thanks, girl." Harry scanned the message. "It's from Hermione."
"What did she say?" Lily asked, hoping to be more involved with her precious son's life.
Harry just handed the letter to his mother.
"Hmmmm." Lily's eyes narrowed. "A bit sloppy but she got to the right place in the end, conclusion is a bit off but I can see how she made it . . . alright, let's go."
"Go where?" Harry asked.
"To meet this Hermione of yours," Lily replied. She grabbed him by the hand and walked out of the lab. "James, we're leaving for a bit!"
"Where are we going, my love?" James asked.
"To meet with one of Harry's friends," Lily replied.
IIIIIIIIII
The sound of an earth shattering explosion caused Arthur stick his head out of the shed and confirm that, yes, a large cloud of smoke was rising from the Lovegood place. He wasn't surprised she was back, just surprised that it had taken so long . . . unless the daughter was a bit of an early bloomer in which case it amounted to the same thing. He had to have a talk with two of his boys.
IIIIIIIIII
Harry knocked on the door and tried to ignore the way his mother was impatiently tapping her foot.
"It's been almost ten seconds and they haven't answered the door yet?" Lily growled. "I most certainly do not approve."
"Maybe they're not home," James tried to sooth his wife.
"They're home," Lily bit back.
"And the door is opening," Harry said nervously.
"Harry?" Hermione said in shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Is this Hermione?" Lily demanded.
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "But . . ." He found himself brushed out of the way as his mother rushed forward to examine the girl.
Lily gave the girl a once over before moving in for a closer look. "Good teeth, kinky hair, muscle tone could use a bit of work . . . hmmm."
"Harry, why is this woman poking me in the kidney?" Hermione asked in a tone that told the world she was still trying to decide if it was all just a bizarre dream.
"Mum?"
"Hmmm." Lily cast a quick charm. "She's got the same blood type as you do, Harry, and you know what I always say; it's always good to have a source of spare blood walking around!"
"Mum?"
"Alright, I approve," Lily said with a nod. "She can be your lab assistant."
Hermione's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean assistant?"
"You're good at research aren't you?"
"Yes, but . . ."
"You do all of Harry's research, don't you?"
"I do, but . . ."
"Good, you're already his assistant, we're just formalizing it." Lily nodded to herself. "Every proper genius needs an assistant on hand to deal with the tedious things and to help them with their urges."
"Help them with their urges?" Hermione squeaked, her brain swirling with perverted innuendo.
James' eyes widened. "Wasn't Narcissa your assistant, Lils?"
"She was," Lily agreed. "And I suppose I really should go collect her."
"You should, you really really should," James agreed with a goofy grin, his brain also swirling with perverted innuendo. "In fact, I insist that we do that right now."
"Bye, Hermione," Harry said. "I'll try to visit later."
"Bye, Harry," Hermione mumbled, her eyes glazed.
IIIIIIIIII
Arthur smiled when the twins joined him in the shed, doing his best to fix their faces in his memory. It wasn't easy, the conversation he was about to have, but it was necessary.
"You wanted to talk with us-" Fred began.
"-dad?" George finished.
"Sit down, boys." Arthur stared at the twins for several seconds. "You boys know it would kill your mother to loose you, right?"
"What's wrong, dad?" George asked, caught up in the fact that their father was more serious than they'd ever seen him before.
"I know you won't pay any attention to me if I tell you that Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood are off limits," Arthur sighed. "And I definitely know that you'd just take it as a challenge if I told you that James Potter and his gang were better pranksters than you could ever hope to be. So I'm going to tell you this, one of you needs to keep their hands clean."
"Uh." The twins shared a look. "Dad?"
"Think of it like this, boys. There's a big nest of hornets; one of you can poke it with a stick while the other watches from a safe distance. Then, when the inevitable happens, we'll just tell your mother that you boys had a big fight and refuse to be in the same room together. She still can't tell the difference so the surviving twin will have to pretend to be his brother sometimes and that way she'll never know what happened to the other twin." Arthur put a hand on each boy's shoulder. "It won't be easy, but it will keep your mother's heart from breaking. I'm counting on you boys and I'm just glad that it was you two and not one of your brothers. I've got no clue how we'd be able to pull this off without a spare . . . maybe through large amounts of polyjuice or something, doesn't matter. Just remember; one boy angers the bees, the other watches from a safe distance."
"Uh-"
"-sure dad."
IIIIIIIIII
They arrived in front of a large regal manor house and Lily immediately went to the door and began pounding on it. Four seconds later the sound of footsteps announced that someone was coming to address the knock.
"You see, Harry," Lily said as the door cracked open. "Took less than six seconds for the door to be answered, that's the mark of a proper lab assistant."
"Lily!" Narcissa squealed. "I was wondering when you would return." She embraced the other woman. "Is this your son?"
"Say hello, Harry," Lily prompted.
"Hello, Ms. Malfoy," Harry said dutifully.
"How's your experiment going?" Lily asked eagerly.
"I was able to successfully adapt polyjuice to transform chickens into human form and compounded my success by crossing the result with the Malfoy line," Narcissa reported. "Would you like to examine my notes?"
"I would," Lily agreed. "Have you noticed any odd traits in the resulting hybrid?"
"He seems to strut around a bit, but I am unsure which side he gets it from." Narcissa sighed. "To be honest, I was too excited to have achieved results so early and too disgusted with the thought of allowing Lucius to touch me to set up a proper control."
"I wouldn't worry about it, Cissy, there are some prices too high to pay for progress. Sleeping with a Malfoy is one of them."
"Thank you, Lily." Narcissa stepped aside. "Come in, come in and make yourselves at home."
IIIIIIIIII
There were a lot of advantages to being Head of one of the four Hogwarts Houses. Those advantages increased every year you were on the job. Chief among them was the tremendous amount of gossip you got to hear. Thus it was no surprise that Minerva McGonagall was one of the first to hear of the return of her two 'favorite' students.
"Evening, Scott," Minerva called out as she walked into the bottle shop.
"Evening, Minerva. What can I get for you?"
"Ten cases of Laphroag Quarter Cask," Minerva ordered.
"Ten cases?" Scott gasped.
"You're right," Minerva agreed. "Make it thirty and be sure to have a few cases reserved for me. It's gonna be a stressful year."
AN: Was going to expand this a bit before tossing it up, don't have the time at the moment.
Polish by: dogbertcarroll, tengokujin
Typos by: Clell Harmon, faerakhasa, kuopiofi, ubereng, 39
Scenes by: ubereng
Scenes that would be included in a longer version:
"No more Ms. Nice Lily," she growled. "It's time I showed the world what fools they were to oppose me."
IIIIIIIIII
It hadn't been hard to get her baby boy to talk about his childhood and time at Hogwarts, a couple crocodile tears and he'd folded like a newspaper. She really had to remember to break him of that habit in a few years.
"Urge to kill . . . rising," Lily growled.
"Who?" Narcissa asked.
"Dumbledore," Lily replied, all traces of anger vanishing. "Why do you ask?"
"I am your assistant," Narcissa pointed out. "Therefore, it is my duty and privilege to help you deal with your urges. Say the word and I will begin planning the old man's long overdue exit from this world."
IIIIIIIIII
"Sibelous?" Lily scratched her chin. "Oh yes, wasn't that the name of the sad man who used to steal my panties?" She leaned in to whisper into Harry's ear. "I forced Sirius to wear them for a week before I allowed Sloperdonk to steal them. Focus on that the next time you're in his class and he tries to make eye contact."
IIIIIIIIII
Harry stared the man in the eyes, mindful of his mother's instructions and it was therefore a bit less than a surprise than it would have otherwise been when the Potions Master began screaming, grabbed the nearest bubbling cauldron, and began chugging the hot liquid. On the plus side, thanks to the Professor's timely intervention, it was the first time Neville brewed anything that didn't explode.
IIIIIIIIII
"If you're really Lily, then what is my name?" Snape demanded.
"Swindlebuck?" She ventured.
"It's Severus," he corrected.
"Right, Snodertamp," Lily agreed confidently.
"It's her," Snape cried out joyously. "Lily always used pet names for me."
Lily leaned over to whisper into her husband's ear. "What was his name again?"
IIIIIIIIII
"It's simple, all I did was swap out their past selves with the current version that had been driven insane. Anyone first year should have been able to do it," Lily explained, watching Neville's reunion with his parents.
Omake by Chris Hill
"James? It can't be!" McGonagall exclaimed as she saw her once student.
"OHHOHOHOHOHO! Professor, it's good to see you again, but then again, I am a Genius!"
Minerva's eyes narrowed, there was only one person who laughed and acted like that in her classes, which meant it was them. "Welcome back Lily, James. You do know it has been over ten years, don't you?
James tried to not roll his eyes, but failed in his endeavors. "Yes. Quite. Naturally. Is my son here?"
"Come along. He's in the hospital ward, seems to get his ideas of making my hair white from you.
James perked up, "He's a prankster!"
"No, thankfully."
James deflated and his shoulders slumped. She meant Harry took after his mother, which meant mad arrays and science and things no sane person was meant to know. "So, what blew up?"
McGonagall huffed, "Well, lets see, he fought trolls, had his friends follow him on a quest to do insane things, and killed a teacher."
James groaned. Yes, his son took after his mother. DAMN IT! Where were those reprobates that were supposed to prevent that and remove any sort of dangerous item, like a pen, pencil, quill, rulers, or other things that were part of Lily's madness?
"My son has shown he's as good as me in the Science Of Magic!" Lily exclaimed.
One could hear the capitals.
"No!"
Now Lily's shoulder's slumped while James perked up to pay more attention. "Then what happened?"
"The boy has gathered a group of friends who like to break the rules to prove themselves.
Both parents straightened up, and said, "Then he does take after me!"
McGonagall muttered to low to hear, "Unfortunately."
She then thought of who would be visiting Harry and decided on something else. "Why don't I take you to my office while Harry gets ready. We can talk for a little bit."
In no way would she let James inspire Ronald, or worse, Lily inspire Hermione. It was bad enough with these two, and with their son, and two deciples...
Yes, she needed a drink before anything else.
Omake by lancemeister1994
James walked into Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor after a long session with the Goblins, trying to get himself declared alive and regain his titles. Lily, being Muggleborn and a Potter by marriage only, had had a comparatively easy time and had excused herself to Flourish and Blott's hours ago. He'd decided he needed a sugar-boost from ice cream goodness before trying to winkle his spouse out from amongst the accumulated literary knowledge of the past eleven years, when his tired eyes saw a petite redheaded girl sitting with her back to the door. 'Hmm, something must have stressed her out enough at the bookstore that she needed some ice cream. And she always prefers to eat her ice cream as her child form. That made for a long nine months when she was carrying Harry.' He walked up to his wife, made a long arm to snag a nearby chair and sat down, draping his right arm over her shoulders and wandlessly conjuring a silver spoon into his left hand.
"Hey honey, did something go wrong at Flourish and Blotts?" He hugged her close, "Don't worry, you can tell me all about it when we get home."
Ginny was terrified. Who was this man who was -handling- her so familiarly? 'When we get home? What...' she looked up, up into the ADULT face of her crush, Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Never mind that, when she'd left him not ten minutes ago after the debacle between her father and Mr. Malfoy, he'd still been twelve, but... her brain went into shutdown mode. James, on the other hand, was looking at the ice cream in his spoon. 'Pistachios and chopped walnuts? What the Hell? Lily hates nuts in her ice cream!' He looked down into a pair of brown eyes and shot to his feet like he was shot from a
cannon. "MERLIN'S BALLS!"
Molly came running over from the counter where she was paying her tab, screaming at the top of her lungs, "Get away from my little girl you BEAST!" Her upraised wand glowed with the barely restrained magic she was about to direct at the mauler, the pedophile, who assaulted her baby girl! Lily, Harry, Hermione, and the remaining Weasleys were packed into the doorway.
Harry still had the confused expression from his earlier reunion and was not tracking overly well yet. "What? Dad? Ginny? Missus Weasly? Mom? Wha?" Hermione had a hand over her mouth, aghast. (Or maybe amused, her dad -had- introduced her to Benny Hill and Monty Python at a delicate age, after all.) Lily cut through the cresting chaos by stomping her foot, raising a concentric circle of magic and dust and sending it shooting away from her.
"James Potter! Just what do you think you're doing!" She stalked up to him, knee length red hair swaying behind her and looked him square in the eyes, nose to nose. "You. Couch. One week. No exceptions." She turned on her heel. Suddenly, the five foot nine inch amazon was replaced with a four foot two inch near duplicate of Ginny, with green eyes. "And no nookie!" she added stalking back to the door. "Harry, it's time to go, sweetie." She took his limp arm and turned him out the door. "James, let's go home."
Not a soul moved inside Fortescue's, except James, who was waving his arms, first in front of himself, then pointing at Ginny while frantically shaking his head, then at where Lily had stood, with one hand at her adult height and the other at her shorter height; and then repeating the sequence frantically, while everyone else stood slackjawed.
"James, we're waiting!" rang from outside. Head bowed, he shambled out the door as Molly's wand slipped from suddenly nerveless fingers.
"What the Fuck?"
"Hermione!" Ron yelped. "Language!"
Omake by ausfinbar
"Yes Hermione, I understand that you created a device that compressed a trans-phasic runic array and allowed you to use that as the power source for your transmogrifier, however, as you failed to account for the buffer overload, you will have to live with the fact that you now, when combined with your experimental modified polyjuice, have cat ears and a tail. This is a result of you not following a proper procedure and at the very least, documenting your work so you can undo what you have done. Look on the bright side? You are better off that Ron."
"Narf!"
"thank you Ron."
Lots of girls at Hogwarts wanted to be with the Boy-Who-Lived, and he had to pick Hermione. It was times like this, the times she had her clothes on, that he wondered what he'd been thinking.
Omake by Silas Dunsmore
"Drat." He'd have to find a way to make it up to the kid later, and in light of the size of the oversight, he was going to have to do something really special for the boy.
"The way I see it, you'll need more than one girl involved with Harry, nothing says scientific method like a harem of . . ." Sirius froze at the twin feminine glares directed at him. "Shutting up now."
Luna said softly, "I am not averse to the concept," then blushed as everyone turned to stare at her.
"You really are willing to be part of a harem?" her mother gently asked.
"No, Mum, never in a million years. I just want to _have_ a harem."
Omake by meteoricshipyards
"But Mrs. Potter! If you do that it will cause a paradox and kill the witch or wizard who does it"
"Nonsense! Does Doctor Who die of paradox?"
"But he's just a fictional character!"
"Bite your tongue! He's my hero. Besides, how could I have a threesome with my husband if it killed me?"
"Er, too much information, Mum," Harry put in.
"What? No such thing. But back to the matter at hand. You use the time turner, go back one hour, join the army of Hermiones, overcome the defenses around the Restricted Section, return to your dorm, wait with the rest of the Hermiones until you come in and go back in time, go back two hours, wait for
your first self to show up, go to the Restricted Section, etc."
"That's completely against the rules of Time!" Hermione insisted. Suddenly, a group of Ravenclaws burst into the Great Hall, yelling, "There's an army of Grangers attacking the Library! They have Madam Pince tied up, and are looting the Restricted section!"
"But I'm right here?" Hermione yelled. They saw her, screeched and ran out.
"Run along, now dear. Once you get back to your dorm, put your plan in motion," Lily told her, pushing her out of the dining room towards the central
staircases.
"But..."
"No time for it. The rest of you will be showing up any moment now."
"But..."
"No time for that, either. And don't forget to get the book I requested."
With one final "but", Hermione went up the stairs.
Lily and Harry returned to the Great Hall.
About an hour later, Hermione returned, holding a book.
"Here's the book you wanted," she said, handing over a rather uninteresting looking book titled "21 More Things to do with a Levitation Ward."
"And here's what was hidden in the secret, expanded compartment in the back cover." She handed over an envelope. Lily looked in and smiled.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"Remember your comment on too much information? Seeing those pictures would be way too much information," Hermione said with a blush.
Omake by Stick97
Hermione looked wistfully at the photos, before looking at Harry out of the corner of her eye.
"and you say you found a way to ensure the alpha male traits breed true?" asked Hermione, tapping he lip with a quill.
"Well, at least in the first generation. We would need at least another iteration to ensure the accuracy of our results." said Lily speculatively.
"Yes, yes, we can't simply speculate on such important matters," replied Hermione, nodding along with Lily.
She failed to notice Lily dancing the Snoopy dance while chanting "Grandbabies! Grandbabies! Grandbabies!"